Bumpy Ride
by Laura's Fantasia
Summary: Quidditch rivalries. Parties in the Shrieking Shack. OWLs and NEWTs. Life at Hogwarts is difficult enough without falling in love with your best friend. When Brittany and Santana are sorted into different houses, it is the start of seven complicated, magical years that will bring them closer together and tear them further apart than they have ever been before. HP!Brittana
1. PART ONE: The Hogwarts Letter

**PART ONE**

**Chapter 1: The Hogwarts Letter**

_July, Pre-Hogwarts_

I heard Santana scream as I jumped. The air rushed by me, the wind roaring in my ears until I landed with a loud splash in the lake below. The water surrounded me, pressing in on all sides, but I kicked up until I broke through the surface, laughing and pushing wet hair out of my face.

"You h-have to come in!" I called to the girl who had been my best friend as far back as I could remember. She was staring down from the grassy bank above me, shaking her head. My teeth were chattering already from the chill of the water, but I didn't care. The thrill of the jump still had adrenaline racing through me.

"Britt, my mamá's gonna kill me," she whined, glancing back over her shoulder before staring down at me again longingly. I knew she wanted to come in, so I was going to help her do what she wanted. I also knew that in a few hours she would lie to her mother and say it had been all her idea so that I wouldn't get in trouble. I never asked her to, but she said she needed to so that her mamá wouldn't think I was a bad influence, or something like that. It made me feel a bit guilty sometimes, but she wouldn't stop even if I asked.

"Santana, c-come on! It's warm!"

"Liar!" she called back, but she was already pulling off her shoes with an excited but nervous grin. I treaded water as I waited for her, and a few seconds later she had launched herself off the bank, curling up into a cannonball just in time before she hit the surface of the lake, splashing water all over me. I gasped in shock - which was a bad idea because the water all went in my mouth and made me choke - but the moment she appeared from beneath the water I had recovered enough to push water towards her, spraying her in turn. She was shivering just like I was; July had not produced the pleasant weather it should. Above us was a grey, cloudy sky that suggested approaching rain. But never mind, we were already soaking.

"I-it's f-freezing!" she complained, wrapping her arms around herself and kicking her feet in the water to stay afloat, just like I was doing.

"W-we just gotta warm up," I laughed, turning my head to peer across the water. "Look, I'll race to you that t-tree! Go!" I shouted without any more warning, setting off desperately to try and get a head start.

"Cheater!" I heard her accuse behind me as she tried to catch up, but I kept looking forward at the tree. Santana's said that it's okay to ignore rules sometimes, so she really couldn't complain. It didn't matter, though - within a few seconds she was level with me, then overtaking. I've never won a swimming race against Santana, and apparently I still can't even when I bend the rules a bit. She was hanging onto the tree branch hovering above the water when I reached her, swinging back and forth and splashing water at me with her foot as I arrived.

"Swimming - against you - isn't fair," I panted, pulling myself up to the tree branch as well and scrambling to sit on it, one leg on either side.

"Life isn't fair, Britt-Britt," she replied, smiling sweetly as she swung herself up to sit next to me. I pouted, but seeing that she was still shivering I shuffled closer to wrap my arms tightly around her, smiling when she leaned into me and rested her head on my shoulder.

"Has… has your Hogwarts letter arrived yet?" I asked quietly, kind of nervous about what her response might be. She just sighed though, and lifted her head to look at me properly.

"You don't think I'm going to tell you the minute it arrives? I don't get why you're so worried, your mum's a witch. And all her family."

"But my dad isn't and surely that means it's only half a chance I'm a witch as well. What if I have to stay here while you go to Hogwarts without me? Who am I going to play with then?"

"Magic blood doesn't work like that, I've told you."

She had told me, several times, but as much as I wanted to believe her I was still worried. I got confused by a lot of things, but I understood maths, and one magical parent plus one non-magical parent _must_ equal only half a chance of me being magical too. Why did it have to be this year that the pixies got into the post room and delayed all the letters? I was already so nervous, and waiting longer just made it worse!

"We're going to Hogwarts _together_, and we'll be in the same house and get to sleep next to each other all the time. It'll be like having a sleepover every night!" I frowned, staring down at the tree in concern as I imagined long days without Santana. "Look, Britt. Look at me," she instructed, lifting my face gently with two fingers under my chin. "If you don't get to go to Hogwarts, then I'm not going either. I'll write to them, and say that if they don't let you in then I'm staying here. I'm not going to leave you behind, okay?"

I nodded, smiling a little even though I wasn't sure she could actually do that. She grinned back in response, leaning forward to hug me tightly. The sudden movement knocked me off balance, and before I knew what was happening we were both tumbling into the water once again.

* * *

><p>The owl had been knocking at my window for a good ten minutes, not caring that I was trying to sleep nor that it was 8.30am and I hadn't closed my eyes until well after midnight. One minute I was excited about Hogwarts, and the next I was terrified I might not be going. Without Santana right next to me, telling me it would be okay, it was hard to believe.<p>

"Go away," I mumbled, squinting through the dim light of my room. Suddenly recognising that particular bird, I tumbled out of bed and pulled open the window with a grunt. Pato, Santana's eagle owl she had received for her birthday earlier that year, hopped through immediately, dropping the letter to the floor and pecking the side of my head as I bent to pick it up. He had never been a very friendly bird. Most animals were great listeners, but if you tried talking to Pato for any decent amount of time he just flew off. This time he was waiting, although he did look bored out of his mind, which must mean Santana had ordered him to stay until he had a reply. Flicking the light switch on I tore open the envelope, squinting at the note as my eyes got used to the brightness.

_It's letter day! We're going to Hogwarts, Britt! Mamá said we can go to Diagon Alley this afternoon and you have to come, we can get all our stuff together. Send Pato back saying what time. Mamá told me to tell you that your family can come too._

_Santana x_

My heart was racing as I looked up at my window, desperately searching for another owl. I had been right, all along. I'd listened to Santana and my mum and let myself think it would all be fine, but the day had come and there was no Hogwarts letter here for me.

"Mum!" I bellowed, barrelling out of my room with tears already forming as I raced downstairs. This couldn't be happening, it couldn't. Santana couldn't leave me! I couldn't remember a time when she hadn't lived just down the road, and now she was going to learn magic and I was stuck here! "Mum!" I shouted again, shoving the door open to the kitchen and just avoiding hitting my little sister Chloe in the face with it. Tears were streaming down my face as I contemplated life without Santana. My mum looked up in surprise from where she was buttering toast.

"Honey, what is it?" she asked in concern, hurrying over to wrap her arms around me. I buried my face into her as I tried to explain through my tears.

"S-Santana got her l-letter but I didn't get mine and sh-she's going to leave me for Hogwarts!" I sniffled. Santana's parents wouldn't let her stay here just for me, I knew that. Hearing a chuckle, I moved my head to stare up at her in shock. How could she not understand how serious this was? "Mum, I'm not magic!" I wailed.

She shuffled as best she could with me still wrapped around her so that we were next to the kitchen table, where she picked up a stiff envelope and handed it to me.

"It arrived about half an hour ago."

I stared up at her in shock, wiping at my cheeks. "Why didn't you come get me?" I demanded, grabbing the the envelope and ripping it open to reveal an official letter written in green ink.

_Dear Miss Pierce,_

_We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment._

_Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Susan Sylvester  
>Deputy Headmistress<em>

Lifting the page I found another sheet of parchment listing everything I would need for the school year. Grinning, I looked up to my mum again to see her smiling down proudly at me.

"Congratulations, Brittany."

* * *

><p>The moment we finished eating lunch I rushed up to my room to get ready for our trip. I had been to Diagon Alley before, of course, but this time it was different. Normally we never went at this time of year because it was so crowded, but this time we had no choice because me and Santana were going to Hogwarts! The excitement bubbled up inside me as I grabbed my coat, money and the letter that had been placed carefully on top of my desk, then ran back downstairs.<p>

"I'm ready!" I announced with a grin, which dropped a little when I saw that no-one else had even moved from the table yet. "Hurry up, all the good stuff will be gone!" I moaned, hopping from one foot to the other. I couldn't stay still, I was just so excited. My dad was at work, but mum and Chloe were both coming.

"Brittany, we are not due at the Lopez's for another hour. You will just have to be patient," my mum told me sternly.

"Yeah Britt, patience!" Chloe piped up. I stuck my tongue out at her and slumped down in the chair opposite her, my fingers tapping out a tune on the table. My feet danced along with the rhythm as I looked from my mum to Chloe and then back again, waiting for one of them to make a move. Mum's said I have about as much patience as a grasshopper with ADHD. I was pretty sure that meant I didn't have any. I fidgeted, stilling when mum raised an eyebrow at me, but a minute later I had that urge to move again. Sitting here just waiting was impossible!

"_Fine_, you can go there now!" my mum exclaimed just as I opened my mouth to ask. "But you stay out of Mrs. Lopez's way until it's time to go, do you understand?"

"Yes mum!" I shouted over my shoulder, already out of the door. I sprinted down the street, running as fast as I possibly could. Halfway there I realised I'd forgotten to put shoes on, but I knew my mum would bring them over later so I didn't bother stopping. My heart pounded and I was breathing hard by the time I made it to Santana's house. It was much bigger than ours - much bigger than any of the houses on the street, actually - and the front garden was perfectly arranged. Our garden had weeds and toys and a creaky gate, but I always felt like I had to tiptoe through their garden so I wouldn't break anything. I raised my hand to knock firmly on the door, readjusting my coat under my arm and making sure I still had my Hogwarts letter safe. The door opened, and I smiled up at Mrs. Lopez. She was dressed just as smartly as her garden was even though I knew she wasn't working today. I couldn't think of a time that I'd seen Mrs. Lopez wearing normal, comfy clothes.

"Brittany, you're early," she commented. She didn't sound very happy, but then she never did.

"Mum said I could see Santana so long as I promised not to annoy you. So I promise not to annoy you, and I won't keep asking when we can go," I assured her. She nodded, reluctantly stepping to the side to let me in. Normally I had to take off my shoes before going anywhere in the Lopez house, but since I had forgotten them I just peeled off my dirty socks instead, laying them neatly to one side before running up the stairs.

"Santana, I'm here!" I announced, pushing open her door without knocking and jumping onto her bed. She squealed in shock and rolled off the other side, landing heavily with a loud bump on the floor and making me burst into a fit of giggles.

"Santana, calm down!" her mum shouted from downstairs.

"Sorry, mamá!" she called back, climbing back up with a grin and attacking me with a hug, pinning me down to the bed. "I told you there was nothing to worry about!" she whispered fiercely in my ear.

"You were right, you're always right," I replied happily, wrapping my arms around her and breathing her in. She always smelled so nice, like flowers. When I asked before she said it was just her shampoo, but I'm certain it must be her at least a little bit. My shampoo doesn't make me smell that nice.

With Santana, the hour we had to wait passed as if we hadn't had to wait at all. It was always like that with her. Time wouldn't seem like it was moving at all, but then I'd look at a clock and hours would have disappeared. Hearing Chloe's voice downstairs I jumped up from her bed, pulling her with me.

"They're here, we can go, we can go!" I exclaimed, only waiting a moment for her to pick up her own things before yanking her by the arm. We ran down the stairs together to find Mrs. Lopez already preparing the floo powder and my mum and sister standing by the fireplace. Santana's brother Tony was also there, muttering under his breath that he wanted to go to Hogwarts too.

"Brittany, I brought your shoes," my mum told me, handing them out. "Try not to forget them next time."

I pulled them on without worrying about my socks - it just gave me an excuse to come back later if I left them by the door - and took Santana's offered little finger with mine, squeezing it in excitement. This was it. We were going to get our robes, our books, our cauldrons - our _wands_. The thought of that made me squeal under my breath.

"Remember not to let go until you're at the other side," my mum instructed, looking worried as Santana took a fistful of the powder. We grinned at each other. Let go? That was never going to happen. I stepped into the fireplace next to Santana, glad they had a big enough one that we could still travel together, and as she threw the powder to the floor we shouted out together.

"Diagon Alley!"

* * *

><p>I didn't understand why my mum would never let us come to Diagon Alley when it was busy. It was <em>amazing<em> when it was busy, even better than normal. Everywhere I looked there were Hogwarts kids and their parents, with owls flying above and even one or two goblins struggling through the crowds. Everyone rushing past meant I had to hold Santana's hand properly instead of just her little finger like normal, but that was okay. Behind I could hear mum shouting where to go next, but before I could turn to ask what she said Santana was pulling on my hand, drawing me through the crowd to where a group of other kids our age were standing. I recognised a couple of them immediately from the annual Ministry Christmas parties Mrs. Lopez was invited to, which Santana refused to attend without me. Puck and Quinn I knew the best, but there was also the really tall boy called Finn who sometimes went with Puck. Behind them were two other boys I didn't know, but who were big and bulky and looked like they stamped on insects for fun.

"Puck, what the _hell_ did you do to your hair?" Santana demanded, staring up at his partly-shaven head. She dropped my hand the moment we cleared the crowd, and I felt sad for a moment before she relinked our little fingers.

Puck ran a hand over the strip of hair still remaining. "It's called a mohawk, hun," he grinned proudly. "Gotta show those other first years who's boss."

I tilted my head, staring at the strange hairstyle. I'd never seen anything like it before. "You kinda look like a badger…" I thought aloud, remembering the one that came into our garden sometimes and the white stripe on its head. Santana snorted with laughter, and Puck looked like he wasn't sure if I was insulting him or not. I got that look from people a lot when I said whatever popped into my head, but Santana always said I shouldn't worry about what other people thought.

"What _is_ that girl wearing?" another voice piped up. I turned to see Quinn staring across the street at a small brunette girl, holding hands with a man who must be her dad. She had on a long, bright red, glittery skirt with a black-and-white striped shirt

"Oh god, she looks like a first year too…" Santana replied with a roll of her eyes. "Hufflepuff, for sure."

"Puck, you have to talk to her! She's a badger as well! You're like… soulmates!" I enthused, bouncing on the balls of my feet as I turned to him. Two people starting school the same year, both looking like badgers and on the same street at the same time, it had to be fate! My face fell when the others burst into laughter at my statement - everyone except Santana, who glared at them and gripped my finger tighter.

"Laugh if you want Puck, but we all know you don't have the game to get any girl, even that one," she said sharply. "See you around, losers," she called as she pulled me away and back into the crowd. Her hand find mine again and held it properly, squeezing reassuringly, and my uncertainty at being laughed at faded away. I didn't quite understand what Santana had said either - what did playing games have to do with girls? - but that didn't matter.

"Santana, ven aquí!" a sharp voice snapped from one side. We turned at the same time to see Mrs. Lopez glaring in our direction from the doorway to Ollivanders. I sent an excited grin at Santana which she returned, and we hurried over together to the wand shop. "You know not to wander off, girls, we have lots to do. Brittany, your mother will be here soon, but I have the money to get your wand," Mrs. Lopez told me as she ushered us into the queue. I was a little disappointed that my mum wouldn't be there to watch me try wands, but was soon distracted as I turned to see piles and piles of boxes of wands, stacked way above my head and far down the narrow hallway of the shop. One of the shop assistants came over looking stressed, and almost immediately Santana had a wand in her hand and was trying it. I looked on excitedly, but nothing happened. The next one was more exciting - the moment she had it in her hand, a bang went off and smoke suddenly appeared.

"That was amazing! You should get that one!" I exclaimed, hanging onto her arm and peering at the wand. It was swiped from her hand almost immediately though by the nervous-looking shop assistant. Another assistant approached, and as much as I wanted to watch Santana it was my turn to start trying wands.

A broken chair, a nasty smell and a dead plant later, we were paying at the counter for the new wands we both clutched in our hands. Santana's was a twelve inch hawthorn with dragon heartstring, and mine was eleven inch cedar with unicorn hair. I wished my mum would hurry up and come back though - I wanted to try and start doing spells from the books we'd bought earlier! I got my wish when as soon as we stepped outside I saw Chloe jumping up and down the steps with Tony, and my mum waiting with a large basket in her hand and a wide smile.

"I got you a going away present, Brittany," she said, lifting the basket so I could peer inside. Two big, yellow eyes peered back at me, surrounded by bright ginger hair and a pink nose.

"Thank you thank you thank you!" I shouted, jumping up to wrap my arms around her neck. I'd been wanting a pet for so long now, ever since Santana got Pato and our old cat had died, and now I had my very own cat! I could probably even train him to carry letters for me like owls could! I released her and dropped to my knees, poking one finger through the mesh to stroke the cat's soft ears. Everything suddenly crashed down on me at once - that I was going to Hogwarts, that I was going to be away from mum and dad and Chloe. Before I even had the chance to get upset though, Santana was kneeling next to me, her arm wrapping around my shoulders as she peered at my new cat and whispered in my ear.

"Me and you at Hogwarts, Britt. It's gonna be amazing."

* * *

><p><strong>So, a bit of an introduction to this story. This is the start of my most ambitious fic yet – taking the Brittana story and placing it in the setting of Hogwarts. Some storylines will be similar to the ones on Glee, but this is an original fic. The story will cover the whole of their time at Hogwarts and is split into three parts that mostly cover their 1st, 5th and 7th years from both of their points of view.<strong>

**Put youtube. before this for a playlist: com/playlist?list=PL6F7FB38F7531EFB7**

**...and trailer: com****/watch?v=q2L4cpp1iz8******

**If you have any questions, want to know progress on future chapters or for drawings/excerpts I'll sometimes post while writing check out my tumblr (laurasfantasia . tumblr . com - remove spaces).**

* * *

><p><strong>Note 15 Oct '12: I'm currently in the process of creating a PDF of this story, and I'm updating these chapters with the edited versions as and when they are ready. PM mesend me an ask on tumblr if you want to know progress on the PDF.**


	2. Houses Apart

**Chapter 2: Houses Apart**

_September, First Year_

I waited at the side of the platform as Brittany made her tearful farewells and hugged Chloe for what felt like the millionth time. Papá had dropped me off at the station earlier this morning with a brief 'good luck, make sure you're in Slytherin' speech before going to work. It's not like I expected anything more from him, or mamá. It had been horrible saying goodbye to Tony, though. He'd begged me to let him come as well, and I'd even found him hiding in my suitcase last night when I got back from Britt's. With our parents working so much it had been just me and him keeping each other company in our house, and it was going to be strange without him around all the time.

I had been left on the platform to wait for the Pierce family to arrive alone. They had all come, of course. Her dad, with his blonde goatee and eyes that wrinkled when he smiled, which was most of the time. Her mum, the tallest of the family, with hair in disarray and obviously trying to stop herself from bursting into tears. Then there was Chloe, the six-year-old spitting image of Brittany who was clinging on to her sister as if she was never going to let her go. Well, I wasn't having that. There was no way Britt was staying here - even though she did look horribly upset. I hated seeing her sad, but I knew we'd be fine once it was just me and her. When we'd gone on that weekend camp in primary school it had taken _forever_ to drag her away from her mum and dad, but as soon as they were out of sight and I'd distracted her she'd been fine. I looked up suddenly when I heard the platform clock begin to ring out eleven chimes.

"Britt, we've gotta go or we'll miss the train. Come on, Brittany," I told her urgently, taking her hand and pulling her away from Chloe, who was also now in tears. "Bye Mr. and Mrs. Pierce, I'll look after her!" I called out to them as I successfully pulled Brittany onto the train only a few moments before the door slammed shut and it started to move. Brittany leaned forward desperately through the window to shout out.

"Bye mum, bye dad, bye Chloe! I'll miss you! I'll write to you every day, I promise! Remember to feed the badger! And don't let Chloe go in my room! And…"

She trailed off as we rounded the first corner and her family disappeared from sight. Her shoulders slumped, and I knew it was time to step in. I reached out for her shoulder and pulled gently so that she had no choice but turn and look at me. My hands moved to her face and wiped away the fresh tears still running down her cheeks. I really, truly hated seeing my Britt-Britt sad. It's one of the worst things ever, right up there with that time Tony's puppy got run over in front of me.

"Brittany, we made it. We're on the train, to _Hogwarts_. Remember all those stories your mum told us about the secret passageways, and that moving tree, and the changing stairs?" There. A smile. It was small, but it made me feel like I was getting through. "I'm going to make sure we have the best time, okay? No parents giving us bedtimes. We can stay up as long as we want, and we'll always sleep next to each other, and we can sneak down to the kitchen for food whenever we want - I already got Carlos to tell me how to get in," I pointed out, referring to my older, slightly irresponsible cousin who had gone through all of his time at Hogwarts already and had given me lots of tips when I'd visited him in Spain over the summer.

"D'you think they'll have hot chocolate?" Brittany whispered, her eyes boring into mine, completely trusting.

I grinned. "Of _course_ they'll have hot chocolate. Now come on, I already put all our stuff away in one of the compartments." I held out my little finger to her and she took it immediately, wiping away the rest of her tears with her other hand as she gave me a proper smile. "That's more like it," I told her encouragingly, leading her down the hallway to the compartment where I had put all our luggage while Brittany had been saying goodbye to her family. I stopped when I looked through the door, unimpressed at the sight that met my eyes.

"What d'you think _you're_ doing in here?" I demanded, my free hand resting on my hip as I glared at Puck, Finn and the other first years they had been with in Diagon Alley the other day. This compartment was meant to be for just me and Brittany, so I could reassure her and get her back to her normal happy self before we reached Hogwarts. I didn't want her missing out on any of the excitement I knew she'd have when we finally got there.

"Other carriages were full, and I saw your name on the bags so I figured you could do with some company," Puck replied with what he probably thought was a charming grin. I rolled my eyes, letting the sliding door slam shut behind Britt and kicking at one of the larger boy's legs.

"Shove over, heffalump," I ordered, glaring at him. He glared back, but shuffled along to make enough space for me and Britt to sit at the edge of the seat without being squashed against him.

"That's Karofsky, this is Azimio," Puck told me. "You already know Finn. Santana and Brittany," he added to the boys, gesturing at us in turn.

"Hi again. What house do you think you'll be in?" asked Finn, leaning forward eagerly. He really was freakishly tall, even when sitting down.

"Slytherin, of course," I answered simply. It was tradition in my family - at least, the closest your family can get to tradition when they've only lived in the UK for three generations. I doubted that my relatives in Spain would care if I ended up in Hufflepuff, but god forbid my papá's reaction.

"What about you, Brittany?"

"I'll be wherever Santana is," she answered simply with a smile, leaning into me. I looked over at her to make sure she was recovering from her emotional goodbyes, and she seemed to be doing okay.

"You're not pureblood," Azimio accused from across the compartment. "I saw your dad, I've never seen a bigger muggle! Slytherins have gotta be pureblood!"

I bristled at the remarks, ready to jump to Brittany's defence, but she spoke up before I could.

"Mum says I can be in whatever house I want if I ask the hat nicely enough. And anyway, my dad does card tricks. He's really good," she replied simply. I smiled smugly across at the boy, daring him to respond. He didn't. I tugged a box of Bertie Botts from the bag below my feet and offered them to her, deciding it was best to just ignore the other moronic occupants in the compartment. I should have just chucked them all out when I'd first seen them, but it was a bit late now. This train ride was meant to be the start of an adventure for me and Britt together - we should have been able to talk about classes and Hogsmeade and house quidditch without being interrupted or spoken over every five minutes. Stupid boys ruined everything.

By the time the train slowed, I was half asleep and Brittany was snoring on my shoulder, her new cat purring in her lap. The boys weren't much better, and I had to smirk when I noticed Finn drooling. Carefully I shook Brittany awake. I didn't want to - she looked so peaceful, and any sign that she had been crying this morning had long since disappeared - but I didn't want to end up in a boat with any of these idiots.

"San-_tana_," she grumbled into my shoulder, wrapping her arms firmly around me to try and get me to stay still so she could continue sleeping.

"Wake up, sleepyhead. We're here," I whispered into her ear. I grinned as her eyes snapped open to look straight at me, a wide smile rapidly growing on her face.

"We're here," she repeated in wonderment, sitting up to look out of the window. It was dark, but as we watched the lights of Hogsmeade station came into view.

"Come on, let's get out of here. I'm sick of this train," I said, lifting the cat into its basket and securing the flap tightly, checking on Pato at the same time. He squawked grumpily at me when he saw my face. Yep, he was just fine.

"What about our bags?" Brittany asked, smoothing down her robes. She had insisted we put them on barely an hour into the journey, but at least we didn't have to worry about them now.

"They come get them for us. Come _on_, Brittany," I encouraged as I saw Puck stretch behind her.

* * *

><p>I'm kind of used to things being grand and magical - my family likes to show off on both counts, whenever they can. But I have to admit, the view from the boats as we approached Hogwarts was pretty amazing. Brittany couldn't stop talking, her excitement back in full force. Quinn and Tina, an Asian girl I'd never met before, were similarly impressed.<p>

Everything seemed to pass in a blur until we reached the Entrance Hall to be greeted by one of the most imposing women I've ever met; the deputy headmistress, Professor Sylvester. She was tall and thin, with short blonde hair and a mouth that snapped out insults I'd never dreamt of before. It wasn't the most welcoming start to Hogwarts… in fact, it brought my attention to the fact that we were about to be Sorted. What if I wasn't in Slytherin? What would papá say? I reached out for Brittany's hand and gripped it tightly, my heart racing. Normally I didn't like holding her hand in public. People looked at us strangely, so we had settled for little fingers. But now, I didn't care; I was too nervous to care. Looking across at her calmed me a little, and she gave me the brightest smile I could hope for considering the circumstances. At least, whatever house I ended up in, she would be with me.

The whole school was watching as we trailed into the Great Hall. Once again, I found myself astonished that the ceiling I had heard so much about from Brittany's mum was actually as impressive as it had been described. I noticed Brittany staring at it as well and grinned across at her. All too soon, though, we were lined up in front of everyone.

"Abrams, Artie."

A boy with glasses and strange, almost mechanical-looking legs walked stiffly over to the stool and brought the hat down on his head with trembling hands. I, at least, would have the dignity not to _look_ scared when I was being Sorted, even if I was terrified inside.

"Hufflepuff!"

Of course it had to be Hufflepuff, when he looked so scared. Azimio was next, and was Sorted straight into Slytherin. Damn. I had been hoping he might get put in Hufflepuff as well, just to see the look on his face after he'd talked to Brittany like that.

"Berry, Rachel."

I smirked as I remembered the girl from Diagon Alley, who looked slightly less ridiculous in regular wizarding wear - but only slightly. She marched over to the hat determinedly and pulled it down over her head, not at all phased by all the eyes on her. It didn't take long for the hat to decide.

"Slytherin!"

My mouth dropped open in shock. Slytherin? _Her? _I had to sleep in the same room as that girl for the next seven years? God help me. My mind wandered as Professor Sylvester ran through the list of names, only taking notice really when Quinn was Sorted into Ravenclaw, and then Karofsky followed his friend and Berry into Slytherin.

"Lopez, Santana."

_Oh god, oh god. It's me. Relax, Santana, relax. It's in the bag. _

A squeeze of Brittany's hand reassured me more than any of my own thoughts could have. I shot her an almost-confident smile before pulling away and stepping up to the stool, pulling the hat over my head with steady hands until I could no longer see the crowds of students in front of me.

_Please Slytherin, please…_

_Ah yes, it's easy to see where you're going. You're not going to pull any punches to get what you want, are you?_

"Slytherin!"

I let out a breath I hadn't even known I'd been holding as the single word echoed around the hall. It was okay. I was in Slytherin, after barely a few seconds of deliberation. I didn't have to face my papá's disappointment. I tore the hat off my head and dropped it unceremoniously back on the stool, hurrying over to the applauding table and making sure to send Brittany a thumbs up. As I approached the table I hesitated for a moment before taking a seat next to Karofsky. He had to be better than that Berry girl, right? I didn't have to wait long for Brittany's Sorting, and soon she was sat on the stool, her amazing blue eyes covered up by the fabric.

My smile began to falter when it didn't call out Slytherin straight away. Then the smile fell off my face completely as the silent seconds grew into minutes. I had never really considered before that Brittany and I might not be in the same house. Brittany's mum had always said that the hat listened to what you wanted. Since I was first in the alphabet, we had decided long ago that Brittany would just ask to be wherever I was. But, if it was that easy why wasn't she sitting next to me already? Why did it look like she was having an argument with the hat? Her fists were curled up tight in her lap and her whole body was tense - that only happened when she was really upset.

"Hufflepuff!"

I froze. Hufflepuff? No. That couldn't be right. Brittany, a Hufflepuff? _No!_

Berry was staring at me in concern from across the table - I guess I had spoken aloud. But I didn't care about that - I cared that Brittany, looking as though she was about to cry, was being ushered to the Hufflepuff table. She was staring across at me, her eyes begging me to do something. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. We were supposed to be living together for the next seven years, with each other all the time - not sleeping in different parts of this stupid castle! But what could I do? I could run up there and argue with Professor Sylvester, but that would probably be a bad idea. I could argue with the hat, but Brittany must have done that already. I barely registered Puck sitting down next to me, still staring in shock at where Finn was attempting to comfort Brittany on the Hufflepuff table.

"Cheer up, Santana. You'll get another best friend soon. Maybe midget over there," Puck grinned at me, nodding at Berry. He obviously thought he was being funny. I lifted my fist and punched him in the arm, as hard as I could. He made an extremely satisfying, high-pitched squeak and grabbed his arm, scowling. "Alright, alright! Sorry Berry, looks like you're out of luck," he said in a deeper voice, obviously trying to reassert whatever masculinity he had lost when he had squeaked a few moments ago. I snorted derisively, stabbing at a roast potato with my fork when it appeared in front of me. I didn't even have the energy to be impressed by all the food. This wasn't how it was supposed to be! I smashed up the potato on my plate, my appetite gone even though I'd only eaten junk food all day. Glaring up at the staff table, I made a decision. Dropping my fork to the plate with a clatter, I rose from the table and marched up to stand in front of Professor Figgins, the headmaster. Professor Sylvester had been in charge of the Sorting, but I wasn't quite brave enough to face her. She just had an atmosphere around her that made me feel like she could make my life a living hell if she so desired.

"I want to be Sorted again," I demanded simply, crossing my arms in front of me. My papá was going to hate me for this. My abuela would be _furious_. But I didn't care. This was about Brittany. This was about making our time at Hogwarts just like it should be. If the Sorting Hat wouldn't let her be in Slytherin, then it would sure as hell have to re-Sort me into Hufflepuff. Even if it was the loser house. No, Brittany was in it. Maybe it was the loser house with a few amazing people put there by mistake.

Professor Figgins blinked up at me in obvious surprise. "I am sorry, Miss…?"

"Santana Lopez."

"I am sorry Miss Lopez, but it is out of my hands. Once the Sorting Hat has placed you in a house, you cannot just change your mind."

"But I'm meant to be with Brittany!" I told him, my voice raising. "We've had this organised, like, forever! We're in the same house. Apparently it can't be Slytherin, so that hat's just gonna have to change its mind and put me in Hufflepuff!"

"Miss Lopez, the hat will not Sort you again. Pupils have tried before - it simply refuses. There is nothing I can do, you will simply have to meet up with your friend in class," he told me with a shrug of his shoulders.

I stared at him, not believing that this was happening. Hogwarts without Brittany by my side? Feeling tears prickling at my eyes I spun away, ignoring the curious stares and marching over to the Hufflepuff table.

"Move," I ordered menacingly. Finn glanced up from where he was happily tucking into sausages, apparently having given up on trying to comfort Brittany. He took one look at me, then shuffled quickly to the side to make space. I slid in next to Brittany immediately and wrapped my arms around her. It took her a few moments to realise who I was, and then she gasped and hugged me back.

"Santana! Did they let you change? I begged and I begged but the hat wouldn't put me in Slytherin, it just wouldn't!" she said, fresh tears falling down her cheeks. And I'd thought I'd got rid of Brittany's tears for the day. Just great.

"I'm sorry, Britt-Britt, that hat's _bloody_ stupid." She flinched a little at the swear word. She didn't like it when I swore, even something as little as that - mostly because my mamá threatened to wash my mouth out with soap every time she heard me, and she was worried I wouldn't be able to talk to her properly if that happened. "But I don't care. It doesn't matter we're not in the same house now, I'll work it out for us. The hat can Sort me again next year with the first years or something. It's going to be okay," I reassured her.

Inside, I had no idea how I was going to fix this. Years of planning had just been thrown out of the window without so much as a sorry. But the how didn't matter right now, because this was for Britt, and that meant I had to work it out. She sniffed, and I wiped away her tears for the second time that day.

"Now, how about we get some food into us before it all goes cold, yeah?"

She nodded in agreement and I started piling food onto both our plates. Noticing a pig-tailed girl across the table staring at us, I sent her a fierce scowl until she looked elsewhere. Glancing around, I was glad to see that everyone else nearby was avoiding my gaze. Good. If they knew who was boss, they wouldn't mess with Brittany. If I couldn't be around all the time, I would just have to make damn sure that people never knew if I was round the corner or not.

By the time the meal ended, the slightly awkward silence between us had long since faded and Brittany had returned to her bright self, chattering on about how great the food was and didn't the stars look pretty and she hoped Charity - stupid name for a cat - was doing okay without her. But then I saw Puck and the other Slytherin first years rise with one of the prefects, and I knew I had to leave her. She didn't want to let me go - I didn't want to let her go either, but I also didn't want to get lost trying to find the Slytherin common room on my first night.

"We'll meet here, tomorrow morning, okay? A few hours sleep, then we'll see each other again. It's just like being at home," I told her, trying to make the best of it. She nodded, and I could see she was trying really hard not to cry again. I kissed her swiftly on the cheek, for once not caring what other people thought, then turned away, hurrying just fast enough to catch the group of Slytherins as they left the Great Hall.

* * *

><p>"My name is Jesse St. James, and I am one of your house prefects," the older boy announced. I disliked him straight away. I stood away from the other first years. Puck was <em>trying<em> to be sympathetic, I could tell - he was just doing a terrible job. Azimio and Karofsky were ignorant to the situation, and Berry was just plain irritating. How could such a small girl have such a loud voice? The others I was happy to ignore. "If you have any questions just come find me and I'll help you out. Try not to forget the password," he instructed, already stepping back out of the door. Where was he going in such a hurry? Wasn't he supposed to be supervising us or something?

He was already gone though, and I was in no mood to talk. I turned away from the common room and made my way up to the first year girls' dorm. To my relief no one was in there. My bags had been brought up, but I didn't want to unpack. I wanted to sit on my bed with Brittany and discuss everything we had seen so far, and what else might come tomorrow. Kicking off my shoes and dropping my robe on top of one of my suitcases, I flopped onto my bed and pulled the curtains securely around me so no one could look in. Burying myself under the covers I tried to pretend that everything was alright. But it wasn't. All my life I had been planning this night with Brittany; our first night together at Hogwarts. But it had all been ruined by a stupid magical hat.

Rolling over, I closed my eyes to try and sleep, but everything came back to Brittany. I heard the other girls come in chattering - Berry had already annoyed some of them, I could tell - but they were tired too and soon all I could hear were snores. Sleep still wouldn't come, though. I could only hope that wherever in this castle Brittany was, she was at least having a better night's rest than I was.

* * *

><p><strong>Other Glee first years not specified were sorted into:<strong>

**Gryffindor: Sam, Kurt, Mercedes, Lauren  
>Hufflepuff: Rory, Becky, Sugar (the mentioned girl with pigtails staring at Santana)<br>Ravenclaw: Tina, Mike, Jacob, Matt**

**The slytherins are all mentioned. Some of them had a reason for being in houses, others we don't know loads about were randomly assigned to even out the numbers a bit. Apart from Brittany & Santana, the houses people are in aren't that important to the storyline.**


	3. Broomsticks & Homesickness

**Chapter 3: Broomsticks & Homesickness**

_September, First Year_

I couldn't remember ever sleeping so horribly before. All night I was tossing and turning, but whenever I drifted off that stupid hat's voice popped into my head. _Oh no, you are definitely not a Slytherin, my dear. I think a better place might be Huff- _And then I would be wide awake again, trying to protest that no, I couldn't be a Hufflepuff because I had to be with Santana! One of the other new Hufflepuffs, a girl called Becky, gave me a chocolate frog and that made me feel a bit better, but it still wasn't right. I should have been sharing sweets with Santana on my first night at Hogwarts, not Becky.

I woke up from a light sleep the moment the sun started peeking through the window next to my bed. It was time to see Santana again, and I wasn't going to delay that. I was up and showered and dressed before anyone else was even out of bed, and then I hurried out of the common room trying not to yawn. I got a bit lost on the way to the Great Hall, but after I found my way out of the broom closet I managed to stay on the right path. There were a few people already eating breakfast, but I only wanted to find one. And there she was, sitting exactly where we had been for the feast last night and looking like she might fall asleep any moment. I ran over, sliding onto the bench and wrapping my arms around her tightly, breathing in that lovely smell. She jumped, alert again, but when she realised it was me she hugged back. I clung onto her, not wanting to let go so soon.

"How's Slytherin?" I asked, determined to make the best of this. She'd got to go where she wanted, at least.

"Terrible without you. And that Berry girl is _ridiculous_ - I don't know what the hat was thinking. I tried to persuade her this morning to swap with you, but she wouldn't. Stupid hobbit."

I giggled, happy to be back with Santana even though it was just for now. I loved it when she referenced any of the funny muggle films I made her watch and that my dad loved so much. I went quiet when I saw the blonde deputy headmistress approach. She was kind of scary.

"Blondie, Slytherpuff - timetables," she said sharply, dropping them on the table in front of us and almost into Santana's cereal. "You get one warning; late to my class and you'll find yourselves cleaning out the knee-deep hair curling potion Schuester spilled in the dungeons."

She turned and left without another word and I stared after her.

"I don't like her very much," I whispered to Santana, but she didn't answer. I shifted, resting my chin lightly on her shoulder and looking down to find her examining both our timetables.

"It's okay," she said, and I turned to look her in the eyes, uncertain what she was talking about. Her face was really close like that. I noticed that her eyes were really pretty, a dark chocolatey brown. It was strange that I hadn't ever noticed that before, really. She blinked and leaned back a little. "All our classes are the same," she explained, gesturing at the timetables. I hadn't actually considered that we might have different classes, but I guessed I didn't need to worry about it now. I smiled at her, pulling away a bit to reach for two oranges.

"What's today?"

"Charms first with Professor Schuester, then Defence Against the Dark Arts with Professor Sylvester - that's the one we need to make sure we're not late to. Herbology with Professor Ryerson, Flying with Professor Beiste, and Transfiguration with Professor Corcoran. They sure like to keep us busy."

"Well come on then, let's go!" I encouraged, passing her one of the now-peeled oranges and pulling on her hand. "It's our first lessons, we don't want be late!"

"Britt, there's hardly anyone even having breakfast yet!" she protested, pulling her hand away and linking our little fingers instead.

"So we'll get the best seats! _Come on_, let's go," I repeated. Last night had been horrid. But now with Santana next to me again, I was getting excited like I had been before. Things were back to how they should be - me and Santana, learning magic together.

* * *

><p>So, turns out learning magic wasn't quite as exciting as I'd thought it might be. Professor Schuester was nice, but he kept going on and on about the dangers of casting spells wrong and how we had to be careful. Wasn't that half the fun of learning magic - making magic mistakes? I said so to Santana, and she agreed so long as she was there to make sure I didn't make any really bad magic mistakes. She said that as funny as it might be to accidentally summon a swarm of angry ducks, she didn't want them pecking my feet off. I guess that made sense.<p>

Professor Sylvester's lesson was better, even though she was still scary. I was glad Santana was sat next to me. She came up with nicknames for half the class, and by the end of the lesson we either had to do a protego charm or get hit by a stinging jinx. Luckily Santana was very good at them - I had a feeling she'd been practicing magic ever since we got our wands - and with her protego covering both of us, I didn't get stung even when my spell faltered.

Herbology was fun - it reminded me of when me and Santana tried to grow an apple tree in my garden, until we kept forgetting to water it and it died. Professor Ryerson was a bit strange though - he kept drinking strange-smelling tea all through the lesson and he said weird things. But after that it was flying, and that was the best of everything.

"What happens if I fall off?" I whispered to Santana as Professor Beiste passed out the broomsticks. She'd flown before, whenever she visited her cousins in Spain, but I'd never had the chance.

"You won't fall off, Britt."

"But what if?" I asked, worried as I considered the prospect.

"I'll fly right next to you. That way if you fall I can catch you."

I was about to speak again when I noticed that everyone around us was busy trying to persuade their brooms to fly up into their hands. Further down the line I could see that an Asian boy - Mike, I think his name was - was the only one to have succeeded so far. Next to me, Santana managed it on the second try. I reached my hand out like she had and looked down at my broom. Brooms were just like animals, I figured. Good listeners, but not so great at talking.

"Up, please!" I asked it, and it jumped eagerly into my hand.

"You are so _not_ gonna fall off," Santana commented next to me and I grinned at her, excited to get in the air. This class was way better than Professor Schue's lessons on safety or dodging Professor Sylvester's stings. Everyone else was taking such a long time with their brooms, though. And none of them were saying please - no wonder their brooms didn't want to be flown. Santana hadn't said please either, but she never did unless she was around her abuela or to me. Santana's abuela was scary. She went off into a load of Spanish if Santana didn't say please or thank you.

Finally, everyone had their broom. The moment Professor Beiste's whistle screeched out I jumped up from the ground, letting out a cry of excitement at the feeling of flying - even if I wasn't actually going anywhere, just hovering. Santana was right next to me and she nudged her broom closer so that our knees were touching.

"Keep your broom as steady as you can!" Professor Beiste called out. I concentrated, pretending I was playing musical statues and couldn't move or I'd be out. "That's good, Brittany. Not so high, Azimio! Come down! Now everyone move forward a little - not too far, just a few metres."

"I bet I can beat you in a broom race," Santana whispered in my ear as we moved together.

I turned to look at her, my broom wobbling a little beneath me. "But… but we're supposed to be staying slow," I whispered back nervously. I didn't want to get in trouble on my first day.

"Come on, Britt. Not far - just to that path behind Puck. It'll give him a shock," Santana added.

I had to smile at that - playing tricks on Puck was always fun. It made him mad and it meant he didn't come round to Santana's as often and annoy us.

"Just to the path?" I checked. Surely we wouldn't get in much trouble for that. It wasn't far. She nodded, her eyes turning away from me to focus on our target.

"Three… two… one, go!" she hissed. I leaned forward heavily on my broom and it shot forward way faster than I was expecting, zooming past Puck and almost knocking him over. I reached the path almost immediately and tried to stop, pulling back on the broom but it knocked into something and suddenly I was flying through the air without any support. I landed on the grass on the other side of the path and then something heavy landed on top of me, pushing all the air out of my lungs. I gasped for breath, trying to push the heavy thing off until I heard familiar laughter. I twisted my head to find Santana on my back, her broom a few metres away on the ground, burying her face into my shoulder as she laughed.

"Your… your face," she managed to say before bursting into another fit of giggles.

"I think I won," I replied with a wide grin, until another voice knocked it straight off my face.

"Ten points from Hufflepuff and Slytherin!" Professor Beiste announced, marching up and lifting us both by either hand and dropping us back onto our feet. She was really strong. "Get your brooms - you two are practicing hovering for the rest of the lesson. You won't be flying again until you can learn how to stop properly!"

My face fell as she headed back to the rest of the class, most of whom were pointing and laughing at us, until Santana nudged with her elbow.

"I'll win next time," she told me, her eyes already gleaming at the prospect.

"Nu-uh, this is gonna be my thing that I always beat you at. You have swimming, I get this."

"I'll bet you five sickles I beat you next time," she challenged.

"Deal," I agreed straight away. We shook on it with our little fingers, like we always did when we made a bet. Santana normally won, but not this time.

* * *

><p>A week of classes. A week of sleeping in a different part of the castle than Santana. A week of being away from mum and dad and Chloe. Charity did his best to comfort me when I was alone at night, and Becky was still giving me sweets, but it wasn't enough. I missed my dad's silly jokes and his card tricks. I missed mum always chasing after me with whatever I'd forgotten. I even missed Chloe barging into my room all the time. If Santana had been with me it would be fine - during the day it was okay, because she was always there - but the minute she was gone, I had no one to distract me.<p>

It was late on Friday night - I didn't know how late, but it was dark outside. I was curled up on my bed, trying so hard not to cry because I didn't want Becky to start worrying again. A couple of days ago she'd almost ran away to get our Head of House Professor Schuester until I persuaded her not to. She was just on the other side of the curtains surrounding my bed, and when I let out a stifled sob she was peering round them almost immediately.

"Brittany, shall I go get Professor Schue?" she asked. I shook my head, sniffling.

"He can't do anything. I want Santana," I whispered, closing my eyes as I pressed my head into my pillow. If only… She wasn't allowed in here, and I wasn't allowed in the Slytherin common room. Plus it was past curfew, so I couldn't even go looking for her on the off chance she wasn't there yet - she'd told me at breakfast that morning about how the night before she'd snuck into the elf kitchen because she got hungry in the middle of the night. Anyway, I didn't want her to know that I was so upset. It would only make her worry, and it wasn't like she could do anything when I couldn't even see her. The moment I was alone I would just get upset again.

When Becky didn't reply I turned my head to find her gone. Poking my head a little out of the curtains I couldn't see her anywhere in the room - the only other person there was Sugar, who was doing her hair in the mirror and didn't seem to notice me. I pulled the curtain closed, curling up once again and trying to pretend that I was at home in my room, with mum and dad and Chloe sleeping nearby and Santana just down the street.

About ten minutes later I heard footsteps, and quietened my breathing in case it was Becky coming back. I was surprised when I felt an extra weight on my bed - Becky had never been that confident before - and twisted to ask what she was doing. My mouth fell open in shock at the sight of Santana, still in her Hogwarts robes and leaning over to wrap her arms around me.

"H-how?" I whispered breathlessly, my hands touching her back gently to try and see if she really was there or if I was just dreaming.

"That girl Becky found me in the elf kitchens and said you were upset and wanted me. 'Course, she was too scared of getting in trouble to tell me the password, so I got her to send Finn out and threatened him until he told me. What's the matter, Britt, why are you so upset? Why didn't you tell me?"

"B-because I miss my mum and you're not here so I can't forget," I murmured into her shoulder, still amazed that she was there.

"Well I'm here now, yeah? I don't care about these rules - I tried to negotiate to get myself re-Sorted but they wouldn't let me, so I don't care. If you need me here then I'm gonna be here, okay? And if you need me you come to Slytherin, the password's _parseltongue_. I'll show you how to get there tomorrow."

"Won't we get in trouble?" I asked, even though inside I wanted to start dancing with joy. No more being apart at night?

"We won't. If we do, I'll just tell them they should've let me try that hat on again."

"So… you can stay tonight?"

"Of course I'm staying tonight, Britt. You think I'm gonna leave you now? They're not splitting us up more than they already have."

I snuggled into her, a bright smile on my face as I heard the clunk of her kicking off her shoes. She lay down next to me properly, pulling the duvet over us both. My arms were tight around her but I refused to loosen them. This was what Hogwarts should have been like from the start - me and Santana, together for everything. With her next to me, I fell asleep easily for the first time since I'd arrived.


	4. Coercion

**Chapter 4: Coercion**

_November, First Year_

The Slytherin common room was buzzing. It was our first quidditch match of the year, and while the team was already down by the pitch the rest of the house was gearing up in its own way. I was trying to stay as still as possible while one of the older students painted a snake onto my cheek, and out of the corner of my eye I could see a few of the seventh years passing around a bottle of something that I suspected was not pumpkin juice as it was labelled. Bets and banter about the Hufflepuff quidditch team were being traded, and the enthusiasm was infectious. The boy who was painting my face leaned back looking satisfied, then murmured a few words and tapped my cheek with his wand. He summoned a mirror from across the room and held it up so I could see. A writhing green and silver snake coiled and uncoiled itself and I grinned in delight.

"That's amazing, Jason," I told him, marvelling at how realistic it looked. "Thanks!" I added quickly. Normally I wasn't great at saying my pleases and thank yous, but this was just so great I couldn't let it go by.

"Wow, I got a thanks from Santana Lopez. What an honour," he teased, before turning away to start on someone else's face.

I turned to the common room door and the large silver clock above it to see if it was almost time to go, but jumped back in shock when a loud screech met my ears. Brittany had just entered the room and she was staring at me in horror, frozen in place.

"Brittany? Britt, what's the matter?" I asked worriedly, hurrying over to her. She took a few quick steps back.

"A snake got inside your face," she whispered, pointing with a shaking finger at my painted cheek. I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing. A passing Karofsky did laugh though, and I punched him hard on the back as a hasty reminder of the rules. No one made fun of Brittany. The moment I'd started bringing her with me to the Slytherin common room I'd made it very clear that I wasn't going to let anyone say shit about it. The fact that I'd also learnt some interesting hexes since arriving at Hogwarts also helped persuade people not to comment - at least, the other students my age. The older ones didn't seem to really care, which was good. Yeah I can be tough against third years, but some of the seventh year boys were literally double my height and it did make it a bit harder to intimidate them. I bet I could do it though, if I wanted to.

Brittany was still looking terrified, so I stepped forward, tapping a finger to my cheek and holding it out to her to display the still wet paint. Hopefully I hadn't smudged it too bad.

"It's just paint, Britt. Jason Donovan did it for me then did a spell so that it moves. I can get him to do one for you as well if you want."

She shook her head adamantly. For someone who loved animals so much she sure was worried about a painted snake, but at least her fear was visibly fading. I took in her whole appearance for the first time and it was my turn to step back in surprise. She was dressed completely in Slytherin colours. A green dress, grey fluffy boots and even a green and silver scarf she had got from somewhere.

"Britt, you know Slytherin are playing Hufflepuff today, right?" I checked.

She nodded cheerfully, her pigtails bobbing up and down. "I know."

"So… why aren't you dressed in Hufflepuff colours?"

"Cause I want to be on the same team as you," she said as if it was the simplest thing in the world. I guessed that to her, it really was that simple.

"I know you're like an honorary Slytherin, but you're supposed to support your own house for quidditch…"

She pouted, and I immediately felt bad.

"I'm supposed to be in the same house as you, though. Don't you remember saying how we'd cheer for quidditch together before getting on the team at the same time?"

I sighed. I did remember. It had been one of the many daydreams we'd had at home over the summer before reality kicked in and shoved us into different houses.

"We won't be able to play on the same quidditch team, Britt," I told her sadly. Yes, I'd got her into the common room and mostly accepted by the other Slytherins, but I didn't think I could quite manage to persuade Professor Sylvester to let Brittany play on the house quidditch team.

"I know that, which is why I want us to at least cheer on the same side while we can, before we have to play against each other. Because once I'm on the team Slytherin won't stand a chance of beating Hufflepuff, not when you _still _can't beat me in a broom race."

It was surprising how logical Brittany could be sometimes - even though she was totally not going to beat me at quidditch. It was nice when she was confident enough to tease me like that, but she was wrong. Hufflepuff beat Slytherin?

"I'll get you one day," I grinned back at her, stepping forward to link our little fingers. "Come on, let's go watch Slytherin destroy Hufflepuff while you can still enjoy it," I announced, pulling her out of the common room. She followed eagerly as we made our way out of the castle and towards the quidditch pitch, where I could hear cheering already. It was cold outside, but the moment I shivered Brittany pulled the scarf from around her neck and wrapped it around me too, tying it firmly so we were attached at the neck as well as by our little fingers.

* * *

><p>Slytherin scored once again and I leapt from my seat cheering, Brittany right beside me and surrounded by the rest of my house. <em>Our<em> house, on this occasion. Brittany was technically a Hufflepuff, but at this moment, cheering with all of us and covered in green, she was a Slytherin through and through. It was just like it was supposed to be.

"And Marcus Dublin has seen the snitch!" the commentator announced with excitement, her voice echoing around the stadium and releasing a new wave of cheering as the sixth year Slytherin seeker started dive-bombing down, and down, and the Hufflepuff seeker was just behind him but he was too far back and…

"And he has the snitch! Slytherin win, 310-90!"

The atmosphere was intoxicating. My ears felt like they were about to burst from all the screaming and shouting. Brittany wrapped her arms around me and we jumped together, her dancing and me shouting the victory chant that was now surrounding us. This was perfection. Slytherin winning, and getting to celebrate it with Brittany as if nothing had ever gone wrong.

"Party in the common room tonight, third years and up only!" Jesse the prefect shouted from just behind me. I turned to him in indignation and he shrugged with an annoying, teasing grin.

"Sorry Lopez, gotta be responsible and look after you kiddies somehow," he told me, ruffling my hair. I shoved his hand away, scowling.

"This sucks," I complained, as we began to make our way back to the castle once the quidditch players had left the pitch.

"But Santana, when we get to be third years you'll be moaning if there are first years about and you're trying to have fun. You always used to at home when we were in the park and the little kids came over," Brittany pointed out. She was being unusually insightful today. Her arms were still looped around me, although the scarf had slipped off my neck when we were jumping and the end of it was now trailing behind her on the floor. I reached for it, wrapping it around me again and leaning into her.

"You're supposed to be on my side," I complained.

"Oh. Well… maybe we could have our own party."

"Yeah, but where? Berry will go off on a spiel about how she needs her sleep to rest her voice if we try in my dorm, and that Sugar girl you share with gets on my nerves. Who names a kid 'Sugar', anyway?"

We were inside the castle now and the crowds around us had dispersed, leaving us alone. I heard a familiar voice though, and held out a hand to halt Brittany. She looked confused, but stopped as directed. There were whispers, then a muffled giggle, and I took her hand and led her as silently as possible in the direction of the voices. I poked my head round the corner, and had to fight to stop a victorious grin appearing on my face. Then I realised there was no reason to hide that grin so let it come anyway.

"What is it?" Brittany whispered, fidgeting next to me.

I pulled her closer so she could peer round as well and get a good look at Jesse and the Ravenclaw prefect Harmony - who was most definitely _not _a pureblood - tucked into a corner together and looking very cosy for two people who supposedly hated each other. I released her hand, taking her little finger instead and we stepped around the corner in perfect sync as I cleared my throat. I love how she can just read my mind sometimes and know exactly what to do. Jesse jumped away from Harmony like he'd been burned, head swivelling wildly until he noticed us.

"S-Santana. Why aren't you in the common room?" he demanded. He was trying to sound threatening, but I wasn't buying that, especially after using my first name by accident. Harmony was trying to shrink into the wall behind him as if I hadn't seen her already.

"I could ask you the same question. Why aren't you looking after us kiddies?" I asked, repeating his words from earlier with a smirk. "You know, it's strange. I thought your dad was one of those traditional types who wouldn't dare let his son go anywhere near a halfblood, let alone a mudblood," I mused aloud.

His fists curled up by his sides. "What do you want, Lopez?" he demanded. That was nice. He wasn't trying to fight any more, just give us what we wanted. Brittany leaned closer to whisper in my ear.

"You can make him let us go to the party!"

I shook my head. I had a better idea. "I want the password to this mysterious prefects' bathroom I'm always hearing about," I told him firmly.

"That's for prefects only," he muttered.

"Oh, really? Aren't you meant for purebloods only? At least, that's what your dad said loud and clear at the last Ministry party when he was trying to set you up with the Minister's daughter," I replied loftily, raising an eyebrow at Harmony behind him and enjoying the power I now had over him. It would teach him not to order me about in future.

"It's _Hippogriff_," he mumbled under his breath, but I caught it anyway.

"Thanks," I smirked at him. "Let me know when it changes!" I called out behind me, giving a little wave to Harmony as we walked away from the scene.

I was still relishing in my victory when we arrived on the fifth floor. I'd heard of this bathroom right when we first started at Hogwarts. All sorts of rumours flew around the castle about what luxuries were inside and I had managed to find out its location a few weeks ago. Unfortunately it refused to let me in without the password. Now though, Britt and I had somewhere to go where we wouldn't be interrupted all the time by Berry or those stupid Hufflepuffs. I found the door easily enough, halfway down the hall.

"Hippogriff," I announced. At first nothing happened, and I thought Jesse had given me the wrong password. That would be irritating. I would have to go back and threaten him some more until he gave in. But then there was a creak, and the door swung open to reveal a large tiled room. Brittany jumped through the doorway before I had a chance to congratulate myself, and then I was being pulled through as well and we both marvelled at the bathroom.

"Wow, Santana… this is way better than a party," Brittany whispered, dropping her side of the scarf to the floor and hurrying over to turn on one of the many taps. She laughed aloud when green, glittery water appeared, and was soon experimenting to see what came out of which one. Not about to let her have all the fun, I hurried over to join in. She was right, this was definitely better than some stupid party run by Jesse.

"Turn that pink one on more!" Britt yelled at me from across the giant tub.

"Turn the stinky purple one off!"I instructed in turn, my nose wrinkling at the too-strong lavender smell floating across to me.

"We need more bubbles!" she shouted gleefully.

Finally the tub was almost full, and despite all the different colours that had gone into it the water still looked crystalline. I turned off the last tap and turned to Brittany, only to take a step back when I saw that she was already half undressed.

"Come on Santana, what are you waiting for?" she asked, tugging off her trousers eagerly and revealing long, pale legs.

It was oddly uncomfortable, and I wasn't sure why. I'd seen Brittany undress plenty of times before Hogwarts, and she had seen me undress. But it still felt weird. I quickly turned away from her when she continued to pull off the last of her clothes without concern, unbuttoning my shirt with my back to her. It was strange. I didn't like feeling so awkward around her - I never had before, so what was different about now? I heard a splash and felt relieved that she'd now be hidden underneath the copious amounts of bubbles, but then I realised that she might be watching me, waiting for me to join her. I swallowed nervously, keeping my back to her until the last possible moment when I had to turn and slide quickly into the bath. I could feel her eyes on me and I ducked my head under the water so she wouldn't notice anything. I didn't want her asking why I was acting strange, especially since I wasn't even sure myself. I let the water surround me for several long seconds before rising, pushing my hair out of my face and making sure not to rise too high so that the bubbles covered everything except my head and shoulders.

She was bobbing up and down in the water a few metres away, smiling happily at me and completely unaware of my discomfort. For that, I was grateful.

"This is brilliant, Santana. We should come here all the time. It's like a swimming pool of bubbles!"

I smiled back, my discomfort fading now I wasn't so exposed. This was Brittany, after all. Talking to her was never difficult.

"Yep, this is our place now Britt. Jesse won't dare do anything against us, he'll be too terrified about getting a howler from his dad."

"You're… you're not going to actually tell his dad, are you?" she asked quietly, staring down at the bubbles as she made patterns with them. "'Cause that wouldn't be very nice, Santana."

"No, course not Britt," I assured her quickly, not liking to see her worried. "If I did that I'd lose all bargaining power and he'd just hate me. It's all about the manipulation, and making people _think_ that they have to do what you say," I explained. My mamá had described this one time when she was talking about her work at the Ministry just after she'd been promoted. She hadn't called it manipulation though, she'd called it politics. It was the same thing though - I knew I was only a kid still, but I knew manipulation. I'd learnt by example from one of the most influential politicians in the Ministry, after all.

Brittany nodded, satisfied with my answer, then a smile grew on her face.

"It's been three months. I bet I can beat you at a swimming race now," she challenged.

I swear that girl is obsessed with beating me in a swimming race, although I suppose I'm kind of the same now about challenging her to a broom race whenever we have the chance. One time, just one time I want to beat her.

"End of the pool and back again?"

"Go!" she shouted as confirmation and set off.

* * *

><p>I didn't know how long we spent in that bathroom, swimming and having water fights and just relaxing. It was the first time we'd had just to ourselves without anyone else around since the beginning of the school year, and it had been way too long. I was grateful that the towels waiting for us at the side of the tub were large enough to easily swamp us, and I got dressed hidden beneath mine feeling only the barest minimum of the awkwardness from earlier.<p>

We finally left with our arms linked and giggling at nothing in particular - I would say something not remotely funny, then Brittany would find something funny about it and start laughing, and that just set me off. We were just coming down a flight of stairs with Brittany sliding down the banister and me half-whispering, half-shrieking that she was going to fall and break her neck, when we ran into the one person I least wanted to see at that moment. Well, I wasn't the one to run into her. I stopped and stared as Brittany fell off the end of the banister and straight into one Professor Sylvester, who looked extremely unimpressed to find two first years out this late.

"Would you two care to explain why you are bouncing around like a couple of drunken house elves hours after curfew?" she asked, her arms folded as she stared menacingly at Brittany, who was lying by her feet. I hurried down the last few steps and grabbed Britt's arm, helping her up off the floor.

"We… we were passing on a message from Professor Schuester," I told her. It was the best excuse I could come up with on the spot, and I knew my head of house hated Professor Schue.

"Well as much as I wouldn't put it past Gelhead to do such a thing in a devious attempt to get an early head start on Slytherin in the house cup, I happen to have just come from a meeting with the headmaster and our illustrious head of Hufflepuff, who was attempting to place a complaint about the amount of time the Slytherin quidditch team has booked the pitch. Which draws me to the unfortunate conclusion that you are lying to me." My heart sank at the news, but she wasn't done yet. "I don't like liars, Miniature Satan. I may have forgiven you for attempting to abandon me for Hufflepuff at the start of the year after you demonstrated an aptitude for cutting remarks, but I will not have you risking house points so you can go gallivanting around with Fake Slytherin," she told me, gesturing at Brittany who had shrunk behind me as the rant went on. "Detention, both of you, tomorrow night at seven in my office. Now get back to your common rooms before I decide you need some time apart!"

I found Brittany's hand and yanked on it, pulling her away from Professor Sylvester and down the next flight of stairs. As soon as she was out of sight I set off into a run, straight past the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room and into the dungeons.

"I-I think she meant us to go to our own dorms," Brittany panted behind me as I skidded to a halt in front of Slytherin.

"_Salem_," I barked at the wall. It opened immediately and I pulled Brittany inside and straight onto one of the green leather sofas, my arms wrapping around her. I was glad there was no one else about - it was later than I thought it had been. "There is _no way _that Professor Sylvester is going to split us up, Britt. No _fucking_ way," I exclaimed loudly, using the worst word I knew. I hadn't realised how much the suggestion had upset me until that moment. Brittany's eyes bugged out and she slapped her hand over my mouth.

"You can't say that, Santana!" she hissed. "Your tongue'll turn to soap and I won't be able to speak to you!"

Well, that explained why she always hated me swearing.

"M… ng…" I glared at her until she lifted her hand from my mouth, but kept it hovering nearby just in case. "My tongue is not going to turn to soap, Britt. Mamá and Abuela just say they'll wash my mouth with soap if I swear. And it was justified swearing this time," I told her firmly. "They've tried hard enough to split us up already, and I'm not going to let us be apart any more than we already are, okay?"

She nodded, serious now instead of panicked. "Okay. I know you'll make sure it's okay," she replied with a confident smile, sliding across the sofa so that her head was in my lap, one arm looped loosely around one of my legs. For a moment I felt that awkwardness again, but I chased it away fiercely. _No._ I was not going to allow myself to feel awkward around Brittany, any more than I was going to let us get separated.

* * *

><p>We arrived five minutes early to detention without even discussing it. Neither of us wanted to be on the receiving end of Professor Sylvester's insults. To my surprise, Puck was also waiting at the door, lounging against the wall with a scowl.<p>

"Setting loose bludgers again, Puck?" I called as we approached. He looked up and brightened considerably upon seeing us. Of all first years in Slytherin he was the only one I actually liked. He was funny.

"Not this time. I set Professor Tanaka's robes on fire for a dare," he explained. I grinned appreciatively. That was one thing I loved about Puck - he would never back down from a dare. I had got him to do some pretty stupid things since I'd met him at one of the Ministry functions a couple of years ago. It was never boring when he was about. I began to contemplate if I could get him to do anything during this detention when Professor Sylvester appeared at her office door.

"Well what are you all waiting for? You think that just because you loiter about long enough to turn to ghosts I'll let you off detention? Get in here!"

We shuffled in quickly, and I had to suppress my gagging reflex at the smell that met us. It was like gone-off milk, rotten meat and the Pierces' compost heap all in one. Puck scrunched up his nose and Brittany threw a hand over her mouth, but Professor Sylvester seemed completely unaffected. Three barrels awaited us at the other end of the office, with another empty barrel in between them.

"The potions lab is running low on its stocks of snapping tulip guts, and you three have the great honour of going through barrels of mostly-dead snapping tulips to get more for Professor Terry. A few of them might still be biting," Professor Sylvester added as she sat back down at her desk and began flipping through the latest issue of Hogweekly, the school's newspaper.

I glanced at Brittany and Puck in turn. Both looked apprehensive, but Puck stepped forward first. I followed him, peering into one of the barrels to find it piled high with slimy yellow plants, some of which were still moving feebly. I felt a sudden pressure on my hand and turned to find Brittany looking very worried, her hand tightening around mine. I glanced at Puck. He hadn't noticed yet, and gently I pulled my hand away. Yes, it was Puck and he was my friend. But that didn't mean he would be merciful if he caught me and Brittany holding hands like we were little kids. He'd tell everyone the moment we left detention.

"Come on, the faster we do it the sooner we can get out of here," I murmured to her with a reassuring smile, reaching into the barrel for one of the motionless plants. It was disgusting. Absolutely, horribly, like-you're-picking-apart-slugs disgusting. Reaching inside of it for the plant guts wasn't any better - what kind of plants have guts anyway? Professor Sylvester didn't even teach potions - she must have just looked for the most horrible thing to make us do so we wouldn't risk any more of her precious house points. I was beginning to understand how Slytherin had won the house cup for the past six years.

"I like my mum's tulips better," Brittany whispered, looking completely miserable as she dropped the first lot of bright red plant guts into the empty barrel. It made a nasty _splat_ noise as it landed.

"Me too," I agreed.

"Me three, and I've never even seen your mum's tulips," said Puck from my other side. I had almost forgotten he was there - it was so easy to lose focus of my surroundings when I was with Britt.

"Oh they're nice! She has red and yellow ones, and I get to pick them in spring and put them all over my room, and Santana's room too."

Fortunately the detention passed… well, not fast, but as quickly as I could hope it to considering the circumstances. Between Brittany and Puck and yesterday's quidditch match we had plenty to discuss, even if we did have to keep it quiet and ignore Professor Sylvester's occasional comments about how she could gut plants faster than the three of us with both hands tied behind her back. I decided it was better for me not to dare Puck into anything - doubtless she would work out I had dared him and I would get punished too. Plus she might punish Brittany too just for the hell of it, and that just wouldn't be fair.

Professor Sylvester inspected our work and I inspected Brittany's hands, checking for any bite marks. I had quite a few on my hands, but she had somehow avoided all of the plants' many teeth.

"Well, it's not Merlin's work, but it's satisfactory," Professor Sylvester finally concluded after about five minutes of close examination. "Now I don't want to see either of you two risk Slytherin house points again - and Blondie, I'll come after you too if you get Lopez here into point-losing situations. Understood?" We nodded. "Then what are you still doing in my office? Scat!"

"It bit my nose!" Puck moaned the moment we were out of earshot, lowering his hand from his face to reveal a red mark on the tip of his nose. "You gonna fix it with those healing spells of yours, Santana?" he asked with a wide smile, obviously trying to convince me. My father had made sure to teach me several healing spells before leaving just so I could patch myself up without dealing with the school nurse. He was very critical of Madam Pillsbury.

"But Santana, I thought you were going to stay with me tonight in Hufflepuff?" Brittany interrupted, tugging on my arm. "Becky got some new Honeydukes sweets from her uncle, remember?"

"I'll make it worth your while, Lopez. More than any _sweets_ are worth," he added derisively.

I eyed him, curious despite myself. "How so?"

"Reckon I know a few secret passages you haven't found yet. One to the Shrieking Shack, for instance."

I hadn't found that one yet. I'd heard of it, and knew it was out in the grounds somewhere, but that was all. I had to know. The more passages I knew, the easier Britt and I could get around. I turned to her.

"Britt, you go back and see Becky and have some of those sweets, I'll come along later."

Her face fell. "But we were going to try them together and then read each other stories and put ribbons in Charity's fur and we won't have time-"

"Brittany!" I interrupted, my face heating up. I was so aware that Puck was standing right next to me trying to hold in laughter. Sometimes I wished Brittany would just learn when to keep her mouth shut. If we wanted to be respected at Hogwarts she couldn't say stuff like that! I'd told her a million times. Her expression became closed for a moment. That was strange. Brittany never closed herself off - I would have bet in a heartbeat that she didn't know how to hide her emotions, but I had just been proved wrong. She turned without another word and walked off towards the Hufflepuff common room, her footsteps hurried.

"What is _with _her?" Puck asked incredulously. "Does she know she's twelve not six?"

"Shut it," I barked testily. "Do you want your nose fixed or not?"

I fixed Puck's nose easily enough, but even after he'd gone I couldn't get his words out of my head - especially after he'd related what Brittany had said to Azimio and Karofsky and they had burst into laughter. I sat in the common room alone long after everyone had gone to bed. I sat until I was convinced that Brittany would have fallen asleep and not be waiting up for me. Finally, when the clock struck 2am, I climbed the stairs to my dorm and crawled into bed, trying to forget my promise that I would join her as the boys' laughter echoed in my ears.


	5. News From Home

****Note that the POV changes halfway through this chapter rather than being the same for all of it like usual. **Song for this chapter from the playlist I made is Chiquitita by ABBA, from Brittany's POV.******

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5: News From Home<strong>

_November, First Year_

She didn't sit with me at Slytherin the next morning like she normally did for breakfast. Instead I saw her across the room, chatting happily with Becky and apparently completely oblivious to my gaze. I would have gone over to her and tried to explain why I had yelled, but Puck was hanging onto my every word and it was kind of nice having the attention of someone other than Brittany. Not that there's anything wrong with Brittany's attention - it's just that I'm a girl, I'm supposed to be getting boys' attention too.

But when she still hadn't even looked my way halfway through breakfast it was getting too much. I couldn't stand it when Brittany was upset, and upset at me was the worst because it was my own damn fault. I'd yelled at her, and then not turned up like I said I would.

"I'll talk to you later, Puck," I told him as I pushed away from the table and headed over to the Hufflepuffs to make amends. I had barely made it halfway across the room when Professor Sylvester stepped in front of me, halting my path.

"Lopez, my office now," she instructed. I paused, waiting for the insult, and looked up in surprise when it never came. Instead, the blonde professor was looking down at me with something like… sympathy? No, that couldn't be right. Professor Sylvester, sympathetic? I doubted she even knew the meaning of the word. Still, I figured I should take advantage of whatever this semi-nice thing was before it disappeared.

"Can I come in like ten minutes, I just need to talk to-"

"Now, Lopez."

So much for that. My eyes travelled past her to Brittany, who was now watching with interest. She looked away quickly when our eyes met and I sighed.

"Okay, fine," I agreed, turning away and following my head of house out of the Great Hall and down into the dungeons. I'd just have to apologise later.

"Take a seat," she instructed as she settled behind her desk. I did as I was told, settling my hands in my lap as I waited for whatever she had to say. Had we not gutted the tulips properly yesterday? But if that was the problem why weren't Brittany and Puck here too?

"I understand your brother has been ill recently," she began.

I stared at her. That was not what I had been expecting. How in Merlin's name did she know that?

"Um… he said he was having some bad headaches in his last letter but I'm not sure if it's actually _ill_…"

"I received word from your parents that he was taken into St. Mungo's earlier this week-"

"_What?_" I demanded, jumping up from my chair. It fell to the floor with a bang behind me but I barely noticed. I could feel my heart beating fast against my chest as if it was going to leap out any second. Tony was in hospital? And had been for _days_? Why hadn't anyone told me? "Didn't anyone think I might want to know this?" I shouted.

"It was assumed that your parents had explained the situation to you."

"My parents don't tell me shit!" Since arriving at Hogwarts I had received a grand total of two letters from them - one congratulating me on getting into Slytherin and another reminding me of my abuela's birthday. I had never been close with my parents like other people were - it was hard to when they were always working - but who did they think they were, not telling me something like this? Tony was _my_ brother! I was around for him more than they ever were!

"Well, your father is picking you up shortly to take you to visit the hospital, so you are excused from your morning classes."

I stared at her. Papá didn't write to let me know Tony was in hospital but he was coming personally to Hogwarts to take me to see him? Even through my panic I could tell that was weird.

"W-when is he arriving?"

"He should be here very soon, he said he would arrive shortly after breakfast. Ah - here he is now," she added, turning as her large fireplace burst into green flames. Papá stepped through the grate a few seconds later, looking just the same as ever with his suit and unsmiling face.

"Papá!" I cried out, running over to hug him tightly. Normally I wouldn't have dreamt of doing such a thing, but I couldn't help myself. I needed something, some sort of human comfort even if it was from someone as naturally uncomforting as my papá. He stiffened against me, but didn't push me away. "¿Cómo está? _¿Por qué no me contasteis nada?_" I shouted against his chest, staring up at him desparately.

He ushered me into the fireplace without saying a word and a few moments later we were stepping out into the white, clinical halls of St. Mungo's. I stared up at him, and noticed for the first time that he seemed more tense than usual. Papá _never_ let things get to him. My fear leapfrogged straight into pure terror as he led me down the corridor. My hands were shaking, and all I wanted right then was Tony on my one side and Brittany on my other. Instead I just got my papá who wouldn't even look at me, let alone tell me what was wrong. I took a deep breath, forcing the threatening tears away. No crying. Santana Lopez did not cry.

* * *

><p>When I'd sat at the Hufflepuff table this morning instead of Slytherin I hadn't thought she'd take it so hard. I really hadn't imagined that she'd skip class because of it just to avoid me, especially after Professor Sylvester had spoken to her and after our detention last night. She had just made me mad, shouting at me like I was doing something wrong - something <em>stupid<em>. Santana's never actually called me that, but I could hear her thinking it sometimes and it was almost as bad. I wanted her to know I was upset, and the best way to do that is to leave because if I stay near her I always end up acting like nothing is wrong. When she hadn't come to my dorm last night I'd been even more annoyed, but by the time I got to my third class of the day and we still hadn't made up I was terrified. I hadn't seen her since she'd left the Great Hall with Professor Sylvester this morning. The seats I had saved for her in every class so far were empty. What if something had happened to her while I hadn't been around to look after her? Santana liked to think she always looked after me, but I looked after her too.

I didn't want to get her in trouble by pointing out that she wasn't in class, but I was too worried not to say anything. For once we weren't doing practical work in Defence Against the Dark Arts, so when the class quietened to start reading I stood up and approached the desk at the front of the room.

"P-professor Sylvester?" I said tentatively when I reached her. She glanced up from the fifth year essays she was marking for a moment before returning to her work.

"Yes Blondie?"

"I… Have you… Where's Santana?" I finally asked, the words tumbling out of my mouth. My hands twitched against my sides as I fought to keep still.

"She is with her family," Professor Sylvester answered shortly without looking up.

"Her… family?" I repeated, confused. Santana didn't even really like her family apart from Tony, and sometimes her abuela. Even though it was strange to imagine not liking my family, I could kind of understand why. Her mum wasn't very friendly and I hardly ever saw her dad because he was always at work.

"That is what I said, Blondie. And as much as I know you two cannot live without each other you will just have to manage unless you would like another of your evenings taken up by tulips."

I turned away quickly at the mention of gutting more tulips but my mind was still racing. Something must be wrong. I hate being mean about Santana's parents, even if it's just me thinking and not saying it out loud, but they wouldn't have just wanted to see how she was doing. For stuff like that they always just rely on school reports sent home and only talk to her about it if it's bad.

I couldn't concentrate for the rest of the lesson. I didn't even laugh with everyone else when Puck got detention again for magicking the blackboard into writing rude words. I saved a seat for Santana in every class for the rest of the day, and every time I thought I heard the door creak behind me I spun around to see if it was her. Why had she left? Why had she left without telling me what the matter was? Even if she was angry she wouldn't make me worry on purpose.

The last lesson of the day was Herbology, and I had made sure to leave enough space next to me on the bench that she would be able to sit there if she turned up. I'd given up on her arriving really, so when she pushed through the greenhouse door five minutes late I was so shocked I didn't even say anything. She looked at me - I knew she did, I looked her straight in the eye - but then she slumped down at the end of the bench away from everyone else, pulling her book out of her bag but not even bothering to open it. Professor Ryerson wasn't paying much attention like normal, so when his back was turned I got up and quickly went over to where Santana was staring at the table.

She'd been crying. I could see that straight away. Santana _never_ cried. She didn't cry when Tony's puppy got run over, she didn't cry when she broke her wrist when we were seven. In fact, the only time I'd _ever_ seen her cry was when I broke _my _leg falling out of a tree last year, and that was because I wouldn't stop crying and she didn't know what to do. But sitting there on the bench in Herbology her eyes were puffy and her cheeks were red from where she'd been rubbing them - trying to get rid of the tears so no one would see, I bet.

"Santana, what is it?" I whispered, trying to stay quiet so the rest of the class wouldn't realise something was wrong. "What's the matter? Tell me, please." I placed my hand gently on her arm, not wanting to prompt a rant about holding hands in public that would allow her to change the subject. She twitched at the contact, but other than that didn't move. She wouldn't even look at me. "Santana, I'm sorry I said that stuff when Puck was about. I really am. But you're scaring me and you won't talk and I want to help. You've been gone all day and I didn't know where you were, and Professor Sylvester said you were with your family-"

"You can't help." It was barely a whisper, and not exactly encouraging, but at least she was speaking now.

"Well if you tell me what's wrong I can decide that. Please, Santana. What did your mum and dad want?"

Abruptly she pulled her arm away from me, burying her head in her hands.

"Leave me alone." She was trying to sound strict but her voice broke partway through and she just ended up sounding horribly sad.

"Santana…"

"Why do we have to do this work when twins over there aren't even listening to you, professor?" Karofsky complained from further down the greenhouse. I like being nice to people - it's so much more pleasant for everyone than if I'm mean - but I just wanted to throw something at him then. Not anything too hard that might hurt him, just something that would bounce off and make him realise he was being horrible and that Santana was upset.

"Do the work, twins," Professor Ryerson instructed airily before continuing his lecture.

Santana didn't say another word for the rest of the lesson, as much as I tried to get her to talk while pretending to read the pages on amphibious magical plants. When Professor Ryerson dismissed us, she flew up from the bench and the door was banging shut behind her before I'd even put away my book.

"Santana, wait!" I shouted after her. It was no use - I could see her through the glass halfway up to the castle already, running as fast as she could.

Her bag was left abandoned on the floor so I put her stuff with mine and began the trek up to Hogwarts with both bags over my shoulders.

"What's up with Santana?" Puck asked as he passed.

I shrugged miserably. "She wouldn't tell me," I told him with a sniff.

He patted me on the shoulder - I think to reassure me, but it wasn't very reassuring - as we entered the castle. Santana was nowhere in sight in the Entrance Hall so I walked with Puck to the Slytherin common room to begin my search. She wasn't in the common room, nor in her dorm room or the showers. I tried the elf kitchen, my own dorm, the owlery - I even looked in the library, and I didn't think Santana had ever been in there before.

"Have you seen Santana?" I asked as I passed Sugar in the hallway. She shook her head and I sighed, spinning on the spot as I tried to think of anywhere she might have gone that I hadn't looked yet. She must be inside, because I'd seen her walk in and it was way too cold out there at the moment to hide for long. I began a circuit of all the rooms on the floor I was on, planning to work my way down the castle until I'd checked every room. It wasn't until I stopped in front of a familiar portrait that it clicked. The prefects' bathroom. Of course. The only people who would be able to find her in there were the prefects and me, and prefects weren't likely to be using it in the middle of the afternoon.

"Beeswax," I said to the portrait and it swung open. I could hear the rhythmic dripping of a tap not quite turned off as I stepped inside and my eyes soon found the offending tap - and the dark-haired girl near it, surrounded by multi-coloured bubbles and crying quietly into her hands.

"Santana!" I ran across the bathroom, slipping straight into the water still dressed and wading over to her to hug her as tightly as I could. She was hugging back - and I thought that was good that she wasn't pushing me away, until I heard her start to sob even louder into my shoulder. Her arms tightened as she cried against me and I held her, one hand running through her wet hair while my thumb made tiny circles on her lower back. I felt like crying as well at finding Santana so broken but I forced myself to hold in the tears for her. I began dropping light kisses on the top of her head, not knowing what else to do to try and make her feel better. I always felt better when I was in contact with as much of Santana as possible. Finally she started getting quieter and eventually she was just hanging onto me, silent apart from a few sniffs. I didn't bug her for an answer this time but just waited for her. After several long, tense minutes, the explanation came.

"Tony's sick," she whispered into my neck. She paused for a long time before continuing. "Like… really sick. He's in St. Mungo's and they don't know when he's coming out. It's something with his brain."

"His brain is sick?" I asked quietly, pulling back a little to try and look at her properly. She quickly wiped away her tears, and it hurt a little that she still didn't feel safe crying in front of me. Then I pushed away that hurt - Santana needed me, I shouldn't be thinking about myself. I'd never heard of brains getting sick before, but then I remembered my granddad whose heart had got sick just before he died. But it couldn't be that serious with Tony. Tony was young, my granddad was ancient.

"Yeah. Papá's worried, and that means it's really bad. He's a doctor, he knows when to worry and if _he's _worried I should be terrified! And the magic they're using to get him better is making him worse at the moment and he was crying and saying he just wanted to go home…"

Seeing that she was about to start crying again I pulled her into me, kissing her cheek before whispering in her ear.

"It doesn't matter we're in different houses, Santana. It doesn't matter you like to look after me instead of the other way round. I'm here. I'm always here, okay? Don't run away from me because I just want to help. We can come here together, because you shouldn't be on your own when you're upset. That's what I'm here for, to make you feel better when you're sad like you always do for me."

"You're the best friend I could ever have, Britt," she murmured back after a few moments of silence. Even though she was sad, even though Tony was sick, her words made me feel like she'd just put a sunshine right inside of my chest. I'd never met anyone else who could make me feel so good inside. I doubted I ever would.

* * *

><p><strong>Translation for the Spanish: 'How is he? Why didn't you tell me?' (thanks to Yumoto for help with translation). <strong>

**Drawing for this chapter can be found here:  
>laurasfantasia. tumblr. com<br>/post/17783181277/prefectsbath**


	6. Snow

**Chapter 6: Snow**

_December, First Year_

I'd been on edge for the past month, ever since I'd visited Tony at St. Mungo's. I'd been visiting him once a week since that day, and each time I came back feeling angrier. It wasn't fair. I knew people got sick, but that was old people mostly, or people who'd at least been through Hogwarts. Tony was ten years old, he didn't even have a wand yet! And they wouldn't let owls stay in St. Mungo's so I couldn't write to him as often as I'd like, and - it just wasn't _fair_. Why couldn't some old Ministry official get brain-sick, not Tony?

I don't know how I'd have managed without Brittany. We hadn't spent a night apart and she followed me everywhere like she was worried I was going to burst into tears at any moment. I wish I hadn't cried in front of her. It was why I ran away from Herbology, because I couldn't take the stares and the questions without remembering Tony crying, and that made me want to cry. I hate crying - I can't stay in control and I look terrible after, and everyone thinks you're a wuss if they see you. Brittany had handled it well, though - so well that I hadn't even realised I was hugging her naked until after, and by that point it was too late for it to be awkward. It made me realise just how stupidly pathetic I was, getting embarrassed by what _Puck_ thought. Brittany was the one who stood by me - she was the one who mattered the most.

We were sat together in the Slytherin common room with some of the other first years, in front of the fire for once. It was the last Hogsmeade weekend before Christmas, which meant most of the older Slytherins were gone for the day and we had the common room to ourselves. Puck was relating the story of how he had stolen a broomstick from his older brother's room over the summer and literally flown circles around him. It was a funny story, especially when you imagined the fifteen-year-old, dreadlocked Gabe, who was infamous within Slytherin for keeping his cool, yelling at Puck until he finally got so dizzy from spinning that he tripped over. Unfortunately for everyone else who was having a good time, Rachel Berry decided that it would be the perfect time for an impromptu concert featuring her voice only.

"The absence of some of the more critical older members of our house means this is an excellent opportunity to showcase my talent to a smaller crowd of my fellow housemates and friends-"

"No one here is your friend, Berry," I interrupted her. She carried on as if I hadn't spoken.

"-and I have picked some appropriate tunes which I believe will cater to all tastes."

"Did you not hear me? No one wants to hear you sing. Go away." I spoke louder this time. Maybe that would make her pay attention. She acted like she was so great just because she could hold a bit of a tune, but I knew I could sing way better than her if I really wanted to.

"Well Santana, while you may not wish to hear me sing I am sure others in the room-"

"No!" I interrupted her again, disentangling myself from Brittany and standing up this time. "Are you actually deaf as well as tonedeaf? Your singing sounds like a strangled toad attempting opera and no one in their right minds would voluntarily subject themselves to it! Do you get it?"

She looked taken aback by my verbal assault for only a few moments before composing herself.

"Santana, I understand that you may be a little testy at the moment because of your brother being in hospital but it really is no excuse for being rude-"

Something snapped inside of me. I didn't even hear the rest of what she said. No one spoke about my brother. It was an unspoken rule with only Brittany excepted. I marched towards her, my temper high like it never had been before. Every feeling I had been pushing down inside of me since November was bubbling straight to the surface and I shoved her back, hard.

"Listen you little toerag, you know nothing about my family! Nothing! _¿Quién te crees tú? _You're going to regret this so much Manhands, you just wait, you're going to have curses flying at you every step you take if you think you can talk shit-" Flashes of Tony throwing up and crying and curled up in pain came to me all at once and I just wanted to scream. I reached for my wand intent on hurting her with more than just words, only to have my hand grabbed from behind by someone. I lashed out violently with my other fist at her but strong arms wrapped around me, holding me back as I continued to scream at the tiny girl, shouting any insult I could come up with just to make her feel as worthless as she deserved. This was Tony, she didn't get to speak about him, ever! She looked terrified and I felt a tiny amount of satisfaction beneath all the fury. "My brother is worth a hundred times what you'll _ever_ be, and everyone knows you're not going anywhere with that voice! The more you shout and boast about it over and over again the more everyone realises you're never going to be anything but a _failure_!"

"Santana, calm down!" Puck shouted from behind as I kicked back to try and get free, but I barely heard him. All the angry energy that had been bottled up over the last month was unloading itself on the unsuspecting Rachel Berry, until finally she turned and fled, scrambling up the stairs to our dorm as fast as she could. The moment the focus of my rage was out of sight I calmed a little, but that energy was still coursing through me and I couldn't deal with it. I yanked myself free from Puck's hold and snatched my wand back, not daring to look at anyone as I stormed to the common room door and outside. Before I knew what was happening my fist had struck the dungeon wall with a thud, jolting pain up my wrist as I tried to keep it together. I stumbled away from the common room entrance, not knowing where I was going.

"Santana!"

Of course, it would be Brittany. Her voice was the only thing that could have stopped me finding a new victim to vent my anger onto. My feet halted but I didn't turn around. My breathing was heavy and my hands were both still curled into fists even though one was stinging like hell.

"_What?_ You gonna tell me I was too mean? That I shouldn't make poor Rachel Berry cry?" I snapped. I was so angry I couldn't even control myself around her. I kicked at the stone wall, annoyed at myself now as well but not about to take back my words.

"I… I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Well what do you think, huh Britt?" I demanded, spinning around with my arms wide, presenting myself. "Do you think I look okay right now?" I could feel myself trembling under the intense pressure that Tony's illness was causing. Why did I have to feel all of this? It would be so much easier if I could just lock up my emotions for good so I never had to think about them.

"Don't be angry, Santana," she pleaded, looking almost as distressed as I felt but without the accompanying rage. "It's almost Christmas, and if you're not good Father Christmas won't come."

Sheer willpower was the only thing that stopped me blurting out that Father Christmas was a figment of every child's imagination. That, and how genuinely worried she sounded. I directed my anger at a different angle.

"Brittany, wake up, this is going to be the worst Christmas ever. Tony's stuck in St. Mungo's, and my parents are with him all the time or working."

"No, no! You can't have a worst Christmas, that's like a parallel!"

"…Paradox?" I questioned after a moment's thought. Her mere presence was calming and I could feel the anger slipping away as we spoke.

"Exactly! I won't let it happen, Santana. I promise this Christmas won't be the worst. Look, I pinky promise!" she told me, reaching out for my little finger with her own. "It's like on that TV show. Now it has to come true, see?"

I stared dully at our linked fingers, the fight gone out of me in response to Brittany's sheer optimism. Who was I to deny her this? She'd promised she'd be there for me, and here she was.

"Fine. Okay? Fine," I agreed quietly. "Come on, let's go to the elf kitchen. At least they have the decency not to burst into song…"

She nodded eagerly, obviously just happy that I wasn't yelling any more, and followed quietly as I led the way to the fruit portrait.

* * *

><p>I woke up to the very strange sensation of something cold and wet landing on the side of my nose. I brushed at it lazily, burying my head further into the pillow, but then it happened again on my cheek. I grumbled without words, and by the third time it happened in my ear I was wide awake.<p>

"What the hell-" I began, sitting up in bed, only to go still at the sight that greeted me. Brittany was perched on the end of her bed - she'd thought it best I not sleep in the same room as Berry last night - with her wand out, grinning from ear to ear. And all around me, tiny snowflakes were falling. They landed on my skin and were cold for only a moment before dissolving into silver glitter which completely covered the bed by this point. "Brittany… what are you doing…?" I asked slowly, a smile fighting its way onto my face at the sight of her looking so proud of herself.

"I'm making your Christmas, remember? Melanie taught me how to do this when you were asleep last night, and we have the whole day for Christmasy things," Brittany told me happily, finally ending the snowfall with a flick of her wand. "So come on, get out of bed! I already let you have a lie-in!"

I glanced at the clock on the side of her bed. "Britt, half past eight on a Sunday is not a lie-in," I informed her, but obediently climbed out of bed and began getting dressed. She was watching me and I knew it was just her being impatient to get started, but I still moved a little to block her view. When I was done, I turned to find her holding out my coat and gloves which she had somehow managed to get from my dorm room.

"You're going to need these."

I added the layers to my outfit and then she was dragging me out of the room, looping her Slytherin scarf around both our necks just like she had at the quidditch match.

"So what's the plan, Sherlock?" I asked with a grin. It was another of those ridiculous muggle films or TV shows or whatever that she had made me watch, but I knew she loved it when I mentioned them. And I had to say, Sherlock Holmes was a way better character than Sleeping Beauty or any of those other dumb princesses.

"Today on the menu we have snow angels, snowball fights, hot chocolate, Christmas carols and broomstick races - but I'm not letting you win just because it's Christmas."

"You won't need to _let_ me win," I argued back, slipping into the familiar banter as we descended into the Hufflepuff common room.

"Going to play in the snow, Brittany?" asked one of the other first years with a smile, the boy with glasses and magical-mechnical legs. Artie, I thought his name was. I didn't know what he was doing talking to Brittany - we were at the top of the first year social ladder, and he was right down at the bottom with Berry. Seeing Brittany open her mouth to reply I cut in before she could encourage him anymore.

"Is that any of your business, Four Eyes?"

He looked alarmed at being addressed by me. Normally in the Hufflepuff common room I avoided talking to or even looking at the many losers that inhabited this house. I still didn't understand how Brittany was ever put with these people.

"Um… no, I… I guess not. I just thought I'd a-ask, to be… friendly…?" His stutters trailed off into a nervous silence as I glared at him fiercely. I tugged on Brittany's arm to pull her away from him and towards the exit. She followed reluctantly, but as soon as we were outside the common room she spoke her thoughts.

"Why were you mean to Artie, Santana? He's my friend…"

"Your friend? He's a loser, Britt. You can get better friends than that. Anyway, you've got me - what do you need him for?" I asked.

"You have Puck," she replied quietly. I'd forgotten she never understood the concept of rhetorical questions. I stopped, and turned to look at her. She looked almost embarrassed at speaking back to me. It wasn't something she did often.

"Puck's not a loser. And he's your friend too," I assured her.

"Not really. He wouldn't let me hang around with him if it wasn't for you."

I stared at her. She stared at the ground, shifting her feet like she always did when she was either excited or nervous.

"Look, I'm not saying you can't have other friends than me, Britt. Of course you can. But you can have better friends than that Artie kid." She didn't reply, and I hoped I hadn't screwed up too badly. "I'm sorry Britt, okay? Can we just go do all the Christmasy things you planned and forget about this?"

She perked up suddenly, as if she'd forgotten all about her plans for making sure I had a good Christmas. There was something akin to panic in her eyes, like she'd only just realised she was arguing with me.

"Oh! Yes! I'm sorry, okay, let's do that," she agreed. "It's your special day, I'm sorry for arguing. Come on, before the snow all melts!"

And with that her enthusiasm and energy was back, the argument was forgotten and she was pulling me into a run down the corridor and towards one of the side doors that led to the grounds.

The normally green fields and forest looked as if they had been whitewashed overnight. It was everywhere. Brittany's feet were bouncing up and down in the snow just next to the door, pushing it about and flicking it up so it covered our shoes. It was light and powdery, and when I reached down to try and form a snowball it crumbled as soon as I released the pressure.

"Not sure we're gonna be able to do a snowball fi-_ahh_!"

My eyes were wide as I looked up at Brittany. Her hands were still hovering above my head and she was giggling uncontrollably as I shook my head to rid it of the pile of snow she had literally just scooped onto me.

"You were saying?" She said it so innocently, except for the fact that she started laughing again as soon as she stopped talking.

I bent and scooped up an armful of snow in one movement, flinging it up towards her. She squealed and set off running away from the castle.

"I'm gonna get you, Brittany Pierce! Think you can sneak up a snowball fight on me, huh?" I shouted with a grin, chasing her in the direction of the Forbidden Forest. She was way ahead of me within seconds, the long legs I admired so much carrying her much faster than I could run.

* * *

><p>Hours later we were still outside, zooming around the Hogwarts grounds on broomsticks I had helped Brittany "borrow" from Professor Beiste's office cupboard. We couldn't actually go on the pitch because the Ravenclaw quidditch team were practicing there, but we made do by flying circles around each other and any other student who happened to come near enough. Brittany beat me every time we raced as usual, and as much as it grated that I still couldn't beat her I couldn't deny her the happiness that came with winning. She'd found a frozen apple buried beneath the snow and we were throwing it for each other to hone our seeker skills. Brittany was better at it than I was which wasn't too surprising since she always beats me in the races, but it wasn't just that - she was so extraordinarily graceful on her broom, just like when she danced, and even the slightest movement sent her wherever she needed to be. It was like she was dancing on a broom the way she moved, and I've never said no to watching her dance.<p>

I picked up the apple from where I'd dropped it on the floor while fumbling for it mid-air, and threw it in the direction of the castle for her. She zoomed after it, spinning in the air like she was born on a broom and catching it with ease only inches above the ground. The sound of clapping caught my attention and I turned to see Professor Beiste behind me, smiling widely. Brittany landed next to me and grinned at our flying teacher.

"Hi Professor! Isn't this snow brilliant?" she exclaimed, absentmindedly juggling the apple.

"Well it's definitely good for softening Rachel's landing every time she falls off her broom," Professor Beiste replied with a broad grin. She liked us a lot more now we'd stopped having races in her lessons. "Keep flying like that and I might just forget that I've seen those brooms outside my office," she added, starting to walk back towards the castle. "You'll be on the house team in no time Brittany - and you too, Santana, if you practice a bit more."

Brittany grabbed my arm and squeezed tightly, spinning around to look at me with her face alight.

"Did you hear that? She thinks we can make the house team!"

"Of course you can make the house team Britt, you're the best flyer in our year." Well, maybe that Mike kid was pretty good too, but Brittany was easily better than him.

"Not just me, you too! She said so! It's happening just like you said Santana." She was hanging onto my arm still, her face so close to mine and so happy that I had to smile back at her, even though I could feel that awkwardness coming back. _Don't be _s_tupid, Santana. It's just Brittany._ She shivered, and I purposely wrapped my arms around her in an attempt to shout back at those feelings that I wasn't going to pay attention.

"Let's go inside, Britt, you're cold and it's getting dark anyway."

"Really? Are you sure? I don't mind being cold, this is your day, you're supposed to be having fun-"

"I _am_ having fun Britt. This has been amazing, I swear. But seeing you cold makes it less fun, so let's go inside yeah?"

She looked reluctant, as if she was worried she hadn't made today special enough already. She didn't have to worry though - it was the best day I'd had in months. I didn't feel angry inside, I didn't feel like every pent up emotion was about to explode out at any moment. I felt _happy_. I looped my arm through hers and tugged her towards the castle, a smile on my face. She smiled back, finally seeming to realise that she didn't need to worry about me not having enough fun.

"Okay, well, we're not done yet."

"We're not?" I asked in surprise. "What else have you planned?"

"I got the house elves to take some hot chocolate and pizza to the Prefects' Bathroom and make sure there was a hot bath for us so we don't have to wait while it runs and we can warm up straight away."

I felt like my cheeks might crack from smiling so wide. She'd put so much thought into this, just for me, with barely a few hours' notice. "You're amazing, Britt."

* * *

><p>The Prefects' Bathroom was prepared just as Brittany had described, with the addition of Christmas decorations everywhere. Purple tinsel curled around the outside of the tub and baubles hung from each of the taps. The bath had even been run with only red and green bubbles, and a cinnamon smell rose from the water when I approached.<p>

"Do you like it?" Brittany murmured. She was biting her lip in that adorable way she did when she was uncertain.

"I love it, Britt. It's great."

She grinned, turning away to check on the food and I took the opportunity to undress quickly and slip in the water while she wasn't looking. It was deliciously warm after so much time outside in the snow. I set out to swim a lap of the pool, planning to give Brittany time to get in without the opportunity for it to get awkward for me, but when I turned to swim back I saw her climbing in. I couldn't rip my eyes away, even though my brain was screaming at me that I shouldn't be looking. Her skin was so smooth and perfect, and those legs… She turned to face me and I dived beneath the water, my face heating up at being caught staring. I swam underwater back to her, keeping my eyes closed until I pushed upwards again to come up next to her. She was smiling, acting as if she hadn't just caught me perving on her.

"Pizza?" she offered, pointing to the plate she'd brought to the side of the pool. "They made it waterproof, it's so cool!"

I grabbed a slice, settling against the side of the bath as I ate it.

"Thank you, Brittany," I said quietly once I'd finished and as she was reaching over my shoulder for another slice. She paused, turning to me, her face so close to mine. She leaned in and kissed me softly on the cheek. For a moment I felt the fluttering of a thousand butterflies in my stomach, but then she was moving back and they were gone.

"Anything for you," she replied, as serious as I had ever heard her.

* * *

><p><strong>Spanish: <strong>_**¿Quién te crees tú? - **_**Who do you think you are?**


	7. Best Job in the World

**Chapter 7: Best Job in the World**

_December, First Year, Christmas Holidays_

Being home after so long away was one of the best things ever. I got to see mum and dad and Chloe, and leave out food for the badger in our garden which Chloe had named Stripey, and go to the park and the lake, and sleep in my own bed - although it was a bit strange, sleeping on my own. I hoped Santana was okay at her house on her own at night - I sent her an owl every day before I went to sleep to say goodnight so it was like we were together at Hogwarts, but I wasn't sure if it worked or not.

I was still worried about her having a sad Christmas. Just like she'd said, her mum and dad were out of the house all the time - when they weren't working they were with Tony, but Santana only got to visit him every few days. She said she was okay, but I knew that really it was just her and Edlyn the house elf and she must be so lonely. So I decided to do something about it. She'd loved it when we had that day of snow and quidditch at Hogwarts, but I didn't want to just leave it at that. This was when she was going to be the saddest, so I had to carry it on to make sure she had a good Christmas.

"Mum, can Santana stay over for a few days?" I asked during dinner, a few days into the Christmas holidays.

"I've told you before Brittany, Santana can stay over whenever she wants so long as her mum says it's okay."

"But her mum is never there to ask - I tried, mum, but she's never home, they sleep at the hospital and leave Edlyn to look after Santana. Please? They wouldn't even know she was here."

My mum looked sad when I said that, then nodded. "Okay. But you leave a note so if her parents come back they know where she is. And only one night for now," she added.

I smiled widely at her. "Thanks mum. I want to make sure her Christmas is good this year. She looks so pretty when she smiles, doesn't she?"

"Of course, everyone looks prettier when they smile. And you have one of the prettiest smiles I know. You too Chloe," my dad said when she poked him.

"Well yeah I know, but Santana especially. I mean she's pretty even when she's not smiling, but when she smiles and she's really happy she looks like…" I thought for a moment, trying to find a way to describe the radiance I was picturing in my head. "She looks like an angel that's just had the best birthday ever and if she smiles enough she might just turn into a real angel and sprout wings. Like that, but better. I've never seen anyone else look so pretty when they smile."

Now both mum and dad were staring at me weirdly. I shifted in my chair, uncomfortable. My foot began tapping against the floor as I tried to work out why they were looking at me like that, and then looking at each other as if they were speaking with their minds.

"Well _I _think that Stripey has the prettiest face when he smiles," Chloe declared from across the table, her knees up against her chest to balance the notepad she was drawing in. She flipped it around to display a picture of our badger with a massive grin on his face. Suddenly my parents were being normal again, with dad ruffling Chloe's hair and her protesting loudly. I went over what I had said to try and figure out what had made them act so strange, but I couldn't work it out. I shrugged to myself, hopping down from the table and starting to clear the plates, excited to tell Santana that she could stay over.

* * *

><p>The plan was going well. Santana was smiling and looking just as perfect as she always did when she smiled as we rearranged my bed so there was space for her as well. Dad had got out the blow-up mattress and sleeping bag for her on the floor, but we didn't need that. We just had to get all my cuddly toys off the bed and put them safely away to the side of the room so they wouldn't get squashed. Charity was being very difficult though - every time we tried to move her off the bed, she'd either jump straight back on or go and mess up all the teddies lined carefully against the wall by wriggling in between them. After Santana persuaded me to lock her out of my room just while we were getting my bed ready it all worked a lot easier - until Santana threw a toy otter at me and we ended up having a pillow fight.<p>

I collapsed onto my bed panting, grabbing Santana's arm and pulling her with me to snuggle up against. She was so warm, and her laughing meant I'd done well at my job of cheering her up. It's the best job ever, really. I just have to find fun stuff for us to do and tell jokes and get us nice food (which my mum had already done earlier by cooking us spaghetti). She looked so happy, being here with me, and I leaned in to kiss her on the cheek.

"I'm happy you're happy," I told her quietly, my own cheeks beginning to ache from smiling so widely for so long. I'd got so used to having her around all the time at Hogwarts that even though it was nice being home, I'd still felt lonely without her next to me. And I knew as much as I'd felt lonely she must have felt it so much more all alone with just Edlyn in her big house. It made it even better now, being back with her.

She tapped me on the nose with her finger, then kissed it better even though it hadn't actually hurt.

"And I'm over the moon that I get you to myself instead of having to share you with Charity," she replied.

I giggled, glancing over at the door. I'd forgotten about Charity out there.

"She's nice! And she likes you, she always curls up with you."

"Yeah, and that means I can't curl up with _you_," she told me, wrapping her arms tightly around me to demonstrate.

I heard Charity meow from the other side of the wall and shifted, looking between Santana and the door. She raised an eyebrow, tightening her hold on me. Another meow, and the sound of wood being scratched.

"_Santana_, she's lonely, she wants to come in. You said we'd just put her outside while we were sorting the bed!"

"Well we're in bed now, she'll just have to sleep away from you for once."

"But she can't! She can't sleep without me, she just cries all night!" I tried to explain, pulling out of Santana's hold as I sat up. "And you're not even dressed for bed yet!" She was giving me the widest smile she could now and she looked so adorable, begging me with her eyes to stay while her fingers ran up and down my bare calf and made my skin tingle. It was funny how she could do that. "Where did you learn that spell?" I asked curiously, distracted temporarily by her touch. She looked confused.

"What spell?"

"You know, the one you do so that when you touch me sometimes it feels all tingly and nice. Like now." Her hand snapped away so fast and suddenly she wouldn't look at me. "…Santana?"

She shuffled off the bed and went to the door, grabbing her pyjamas on the way and opening it to reveal a mewling Charity. My cat bolted in and jumped onto the bed, pressing her head up against my hand and purring loudly. I stroked her as per her demands, but my eyes were fixed on Santana in the doorway.

"I'm just going to go change in the bathroom," she said before slipping out.

"Wait, but-" It was too late, she was already gone. "She never changes in the bathroom," I told Charity quietly, scratching behind her ears. It was weird. I'd noticed other little things recently as well, like her turning away when she undressed and her face sometimes getting hot when I was close, even though she said I was imagining things if I mentioned it. It was like she was trying to hide part of herself from me, and we'd never done that before. I never hid any of myself from her.

I didn't like it, but she was still trying to deal with Tony being in hospital and I didn't want to make it any harder for her. I'd really thought he'd be home by Christmas when I'd promised her a good holiday, and the fact that he wasn't meant I had to work extra hard for Santana. That was why, when she came back into the room in her green satin pyjamas, I didn't mention what had just happened or any of my other thoughts. I just smiled and pulled the duvet out to slip under it, holding it open for her until she crawled in next to me. She didn't cuddle up like normal, but she shuffled over so she was right next to me. Charity curled up at the end of the bed like she always did at Hogwarts. I turned so I was facing her, carrying on smiling. It took a few moments, but then she smiled back.

"The Ministry Christmas party's this Saturday," she told me. I had been to the party with her every year for as long as I could remember, but since her mum and dad didn't even have time to come home and see her I figured we'd have to give it a miss this year. It was a shame, because it was the only time I ever got to see inside the Ministry of Magic, but maybe next year.

"What about it?"

"Can you come?"

"Wait… you're going? On your own?" I asked, confused.

"No, mamá says we have to go to keep up appearances or something. Papá gets to stay with Tony though." She sounded sad and angry at the same time. "Please say you can come, I can't deal with mamá on my own telling me to speak clearer and stand straighter and using me as… as a _trophy _while Tony's stuck in St. Mungo's."

"Of course I can come. I love going there," I reminded her. I wanted to hug her, but didn't want her to start acting weird again.

She nodded, staring into my giant yellow pillow. She looked so sad and it wasn't fair. I'd invited her round so she'd be happy and now I'd gone and upset her without even knowing how. I couldn't hug her, but I had to do something. I reached down for her hand, finding her little finger with my own and linking them, then bringing both our hands up so they were next to our faces. I leaned in and kissed the tip of her little finger as gently as I could. Finally she met my eyes. She looked kind of… nervous, I guess, but I didn't understand why.

"You can tell me anything, you know," I told her. Maybe if she talked about whatever was bothering her she'd feel better.

"I… I do, tell you everything."

She was lying, and now she wouldn't look at me again. It made me even sadder than when she had ran out of the room. What kind of a best friend was I if Santana couldn't even trust me enough to tell me the truth?

"Just reminding you," I eventually replied, not knowing what else to say. What could I say? All I could do was let her know that I was always going to be there for her, no matter what happened. Nothing would ever pull me away.

* * *

><p>The party was in full swing, with the entire Ministry atrium filled with important-looking grown-ups dressed in suits and nice dresses. There were some musicians playing in the centre of the room and a buffet of food laid out on table after table to the side. I walked next to Santana as we followed her mum through the crowd. Her mum was dressed in a really nice dark red dress and Santana was dressed in the same, slightly altered so it fit her. I thought she looked really pretty, but she hated it. She said it was like her mum was marking her or something. I wasn't really sure, she was going on about it for a while. I lost track of what she was saying when I lost my bracelet in the pile of clothes on her floor that she'd actually wanted to wear. I was wearing a dress as well, but I had to wear a thick cardigan over mine because it was really meant for summer.<p>

Her mum had stopped to talk to someone so we stopped as well. Santana was looking more irritated than miserable now - but I wasn't sure if that was an improvement or not.

"Santana, you remember Dr. Morgan don't you?" her mum asked, beckoning her forward. "Santana's just started Hogwarts this year and she's doing very well - Professor Sylvester is very happy to have her in Slytherin and Professor Beiste thinks she could make the house team by next year!"

"Esto es ridículo," Santana muttered as she stepped forward.

"What was that, Santana?" Her mum was sending her a look I recognised - it was the look she always had on her face when she was warning Santana without speaking. She'd used it on me a few times too, but not too often, and never so strongly. I stepped forward as well, brushing my wrist against Santana's to try and ground her. She was angry, I knew that, but getting into an argument here would only make it worse - even if it was in Spanish and no one else understood.

"_He dicho_, esto es ridículo. ¡Tony está en el hospital y estás jugar con políticos!"

"Santana, do you want some food? I think she wants some food, we'll go find the buffet," I interrupted, getting scared by how angry Mrs. Lopez looked. I grabbed Santana's hand and yanked her away before her mum could reply, not wanting her to get in any more trouble. She was tense, but she let me pull her along until we got to the food before taking her hand back. "I'm sorry, I didn't want you getting in trouble," I apologised quickly.

"It's okay. It's good, you got me away from her. Come on, let's go find where the fun is in this place. Puck should be about somewhere."

I was kind of hungry, but I followed her anyway as she began winding through the crowd. I saw Quinn and Mike and waved, but Santana didn't stop for them and we finally ended up at the other end of the buffet tables, where the wine and champagne bottles were standing. Suddenly I noticed that Santana's wand was out.

"Get a couple of cups," she instructed, stepping away from me. "Reducio," she muttered while we were still a few metres away, and one of the bottles suddenly shrunk so it looked like a toy copy. She brushed past the table and when I looked again the toy bottle was gone. "Britt, come on!" she whispered, beckoning me to follow. I grabbed two of the glasses from the next table along then hurried after her as she disappeared through a door and down an empty corridor.

"Santana, where are we going? We'll get in trouble, I don't think we're supposed to be here!" I hissed after her, jogging for a few steps until I was alongside her. She shrugged, turning left at another corner then sinking to the ground. I dropped down next to her as she opened her hand and pointed at the tiny bottle with her wand.

"Engorgio!"

It quickly expanded back to its original size. It wasn't a full bottle, so it didn't all bubble up and out like I always saw happen on the telly when she popped the cork off the top. I placed the glasses on the floor in front of her and she began to pour out the champagne.

"Santana, I'm not sure-"

"Geez, relax will you Brittany? They've got so much alcohol out there they wouldn't realise if I took ten bottles. Grown-ups drink this stuff all the time, it's meant to be awesome. They just don't want kids drinking it 'cause then there'd be less for them. We're not going to get in trouble."

My foot began tapping and my fingers twitched against the ground as she continued to pour. Santana was normally right, but I remember my mum telling me about how alcohol could be dangerous sometimes. But it did look nice, all golden and bubbly. Something that looked so nice had to taste nice, right? And surely it couldn't actually be _dangerous_. I wouldn't have that much, anyway. She handed me one of the glasses and clinked it against hers, grinning excitedly. At least she was happy now.

"One, two-"

"Whatcha doin'?" a voice from the side asked. I jumped, almost dropping my champagne, but Santana turned as calmly as she always did to face the boy eyeing us from a few feet away. Puck. Of course it was Puck. I should have known he'd be about somewhere, waiting to come and interrupt my time with Santana by distracting her.

"Me and Britt are drinking champagne. I got it for us specially, and don't think you're getting any!" Santana told him firmly with her chin high in the air. Maybe she wouldn't be distracted by him this time. Puck came nearer, peering into my glass. I held it close to my chest, gazing up at him suspiciously.

"Leave her alone," Santana ordered, whacking him hard in the shin so he stumbled away. I giggled, and she looked back at me and giggled with me until finally regaining control of herself. At least she was much happier now she was away from her mum.

"To Brittany and Santana, future quidditch champions of Hogwarts!" she pronounced, and we clinked our glasses again, ignoring the watching Puck as we took our first gulp of champagne together.

I tensed the moment it touched my tongue. It was… it was… how could something look so nice but taste so _disgusting_? I swallowed quickly, not wanting to spit it out in front of Santana. She'd said it would be nice – I didn't want to prove her wrong. Maybe it just tasted weird to me. I looked across at her, and saw she had a strange expression on her face. Our eyes met and it felt like she was reading my mind, then she turned away to look at Puck again.

"You know what, Puck, since you stood there so nicely I think you can have some of my champagne. Only a tiny bit, though," Santana warned loftily, as she held out the glass to him. I bit my lip to stop myself from smiling. Puck laughed, grabbing the cup from Santana's hand and taking a purposely large gulp. If I hadn't known what was coming, I'd have been annoyed at him. I felt Santana take hold of my little finger and I gripped back hard, trying to tell her how funny I thought this was without speaking and giving it away.

"Blarghh!" Puck exclaimed in shock, spitting the champagne straight back out and dropping the glass onto the floor where it spilled. "That's disgusting! My grandma's shandy tastes better than that!" he protested. I fell into Santana, unable to keep up my straight face any longer, and she hugged me tightly as she laughed with me.

"_Girls!_" Puck raged, turning and storming off, but that only made us laugh harder. We fell together onto the tiled floor, knocking over the rest of my drink but not caring. So maybe the champagne plan hadn't gone as Santana had been hoping, but we were laughing and she was happy, and that made everything okay.

* * *

><p>I woke up pleasantly warm, my head buried into the pillow and an arm wrapped securely around my waist. I tried to roll a little and the arm tightened, not letting me go. I smiled, settling back down and turning my face to look at Santana. She continued to snore lightly but she never lightened her hold on me.<p>

Watching Santana sleep is amazing, especially recently. All the anger and sadness just disappear from her face and she looks like the old Santana, the Santana who was happy all the time. Sure, she hadn't cried since that one time in the prefects' bathroom, but I knew she was still sad. I moved my arm, sliding it out carefully from her hold. I allowed my fingers to run lightly through her dark hair as I studied her face some more. So peaceful, so beautiful… now I wasn't sure which was prettier, smiling Santana or sleeping Santana.

She mumbled something in Spanish and I could tell she was starting to wake up. I waited patiently, continuing to comb her hair with my fingers. Only when her eyes fluttered open did I draw my hand back.

"Morning sleepy head," I greeted her cheerily. To my disappointment her arm moved, letting go of me as she stretched. "What are we going to do today? We could go to the lake?" It would be cold, but the frost made everything look like it was covered in glitter.

"M'sorry, Britt," she muttered, still half-asleep. "M'seeing Tony this morning."

"Oh, okay. Wait, why don't I come? I haven't seen him in ages, I want to say hello!" It was a genius idea, why hadn't I thought of it sooner? I'd get to make Santana feel better by making Tony laugh, because even if he was sick I knew I was still really good at that.

"I… I don't know, Brittany. He's getting better but… mamá might not want you there. Especially after last night…" I'd kept Santana away from her mum for the rest of the party, but when she'd found us at the end she'd still looked really mad.

"But why? We don't have to tell her I'm coming, and she won't be able to argue in the hospital 'cause of all the sick people. And he's my friend too, and Chloe's. And if she does start making a fuss I'll just leave straight away. Please? I really want to see him," I begged, my hands clasping in front of me.

"I guess…"

"Thank you!" I exclaimed, hugging her. This was the best idea ever!

I still didn't think she was completely sure about me coming, because she was slow getting out of bed and showering, and even slower eating breakfast. Edlyn was muttering worriedly to herself about us being late, and in the end it was half an hour after we were supposed to leave that we finally stepped into the fireplace. Santana was clutching my hand so tightly when we arrived at the hospital. She didn't even step out of the fireplace straight away. I looked back at her, confused. She always said she wanted to see Tony more, but now she was here she was lingering back.

"What is it?" I asked quietly. She shook her head, not replying except to squeeze my hand again, and began to lead me down the corridor. For once she didn't seem to care about anyone seeing us holding hands. A few of the healers and nurses said hello as we walked to Tony's room, but she didn't talk to any of them either. She was nervous. We stepped into one of the private rooms, and I immediately saw her mum turn to glare, stepping toward us.

"Santana, you're forty minutes late! _¿_Y por qué está Brittany aquí?"

I didn't speak any Spanish apart from 'gracias' and 'adios' and 'pato', but I could tell her mum wasn't happy about me being there. I liked it when I heard Santana speak Spanish because it sounded so nice, but I didn't really like it when her family started talking all in Spanish and I couldn't understand anything. I had a hard enough time following some people's thoughts anyway, without them speaking in a different language.

"She wanted to see Tony, okay?" Santana responded stubbornly. It seemed that now I was here she wasn't going to let her mum argue me away. She pushed past her mum, pulling me forward to the bed. My feet froze when I saw Tony, and suddenly every angry remark and every tear made sense. He was kind of awake, his eyes half open, but he was attached to all these tubes and there were so many spells on him you could actually _see _them in the air around him. He was thin, and pale, and he looked like he'd never smile again.

"Did they put more spells on him again? He looks worse," Santana whispered.

"They renewed them this morning so they're very strong at the moment," her dad murmured. "He'll be worse for a while but he should be much better by New Year. And don't think you've got away with your behaviour last night, young lady. We'll talk about it once Christmas is over and Tony's feeling better."

Santana was looking at me now and I bit my lip, trying not to let her see that I was upset. The plan had been to cheer them both up, but now I wasn't even sure how to do that with Tony looking so terrible. I had to try, though. I had to. I've never seen so many people look so sad before.

"Hi Tony!" I said as brightly as I could, stepping past Santana to smile down at him. His eyes flickered a little more open and for a moment I saw a tiny smile.

"Hi," he croaked out. His voice sounded just as bad as the rest of him looked. I searched for something else to say that wasn't to do with him being in hospital or how terrible he looked.

"Can you believe they sorted me and Santana into different houses? You'd better watch out when you get there Tony or you might end up in Ravenclaw and you'll have to spend every day reading books so you don't get left behind. The rest of it's great though - the quidditch is _amazing_, and I can beat Santana when we race! Slytherin's the best team at the moment, but the moment I get on the team Hufflepuff is going to start beating everyone - you wait, when you come next year _everyone _will be cheering Hufflepuff!"

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Santana smiling a little as well, even though she moaned every time I did actually win a broom race. Tony was looking a bit happier as well and suddenly I was glad I came. It was just like I'd thought a few days ago when Santana stayed at my house - making people smile was the best job ever.

* * *

><p>Christmas Day. Third best day of the year, after Santana's birthday and my birthday which come joint first. I was stuffed full of turkey and Christmas pudding and I was still wearing several lopsided hats from pulling crackers - although my head was too small for them, so I had them around my neck instead. I was lying face down on my bed, all my presents scattered across the floor, waiting for Santana to reply to my owl. It was the only bad thing about Christmas, that I didn't get to see her very much because we always had family round. I knew she was at the hospital all day today, so I'd waited until the evening to send her an owl wishing her a Happy Christmas and asking when I could come round to give her my present. It was dark outside now though, and I would have been asleep hours ago if it were a normal day and I wasn't still bubbling with excitement from seeing all my family.<p>

I rolled onto my back and sighed, staring up at the ceiling then glancing at the clock. It never took Santana this long to reply to an owl. I climbed off the bed and headed to my window, peeking through the curtains to find the silhouette that I knew was her house. A few summers ago Santana had helped me learn Morse code so that we could communicate even when we couldn't use our parents' owls, so I knew exactly which window was hers. The light was on, so she was home. So why wasn't she replying to my owl?

I made a decision. It was probably going to get me in trouble later, but it was already almost midnight and I had to see Santana on Christmas Day. Picking up the plastic bag holding Santana's present, I tiptoed out of my room and down the stairs. My grandparents and aunt and uncle and mum and dad were still in the front room, talking quietly, but I crept past without them noticing me. I left my shoes behind on purpose so that I wouldn't make as much noise, and slipped out of the door as silently as possible. The moment I was out of our drive I set into a run down the street. A few people were still about walking home, but I dodged them all in the short time it took to reach the Lopezes' perfect garden. I knocked on the door three times, hoping that Santana would answer the door and not her parents. I waited for a bit, then knocked again. I waited some more, but no one came.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" I tried calling into the keyhole, but got no response. But I knew Santana was in, because her light was on.

I walked around the edge of the house to where her room was, examining the tree that grew right next to her window. We'd both tried climbing it before, but Edlyn always caught us and stopped us getting as high as I would need to go. But I had to!

I made sure the bag was securely around my wrist and then I jumped, reaching for the lowest branch and my hands scraping against the bark when I caught hold of it. It hurt a bit, but I held on and used all my strength to haul myself up onto it. My arms were aching already, but I reached for the next branch, and the next. A sharp twig scratched my arm, and the rough surface was really hurting my feet now as well, but I was almost there. Finally, I was level with Santana's window and I looked inside, seeing her immediately curled up on her bed. I reached out for the window, but felt myself teetering suddenly. My arms wrapped tightly around the branch and as I looked down I realised just how high up I was. This was _very _high. It didn't look so high when you looked up at Santana's window, but looking down it really did. I felt a bit dizzy and clung on tighter to the branch with one arm and my legs while reaching out with my other hand. I tapped on the window once before getting scared again and pulling back, trying to breathe slowly. What would happen if I fell? Would I hurt my brain and end up in hospital like Tony?

She hadn't heard, though, she was still on her bed. Trembling, I reached out again and knocked on the window harder. She jerked up and I almost jumped back in surprise, but luckily I didn't. Now she had seen me, I concentrated on staying as still as possible on the tree branch.

"Brittany, what are you _doing_?" I heard her ask, her window scraping open. Her voice sounded hoarse. I tried to look up at her, but then I saw how far away the ground was again and I pressed my forehead against the branch, squeezing my eyes shut.

"I came to see you," I whispered. "No one was answering the door. But I think I'm stuck, I can't get close enough to your window and I can't move. I think I'm going to be stuck here forever," I tried to explain without sounding too scared. I didn't think I did a very good job.

"I've got my wand, I'll stop you falling if you slip. You just need to reach out for me, okay?"

I nodded, turning my face towards the window but not daring to open my eyes.

"Britt, you need to see me. Come on, it'll be fine. Just reach out."

I peeked with one eye and immediately saw Santana's hands reaching out for me, her wand in one of them. I couldn't look anywhere else or I knew I'd get dizzy again, so I lifted one shaking arm from the tree and held it out. Her hand caught it immediately and held it tightly.

"Now your other hand."

"But what if I fall?" I muttered.

"You won't. Reach out, come on. Keep your legs around that branch. Do it now."

I did as she said, because I couldn't do anything else. I felt more secure holding onto Santana with both hands, her fingers gripping around my arms firmly.

"Now I'm going to pull backwards and you push forwards, okay? No arguing," she added as I opened my mouth. I kept my eyes focused only on our entwined arms. "One, two, three - now!"

I squeezed my eyes shut and forced myself away from the tree, into midair. It felt like I was going to fall, but then Santana's weight pulled back and suddenly my arms were inside her window and my body was dangling against the outside of her house. Scrabbling with my feet against the bricks, I fought the rest of my way inside until I fell to the floor with a thump.

I stayed there for a few moments, breathing hard, before I dared to open my eyes again. I was relieved to see Santana's present was still inside the bag around my wrist, but then when I looked at Santana to wish her a Happy Christmas I couldn't. Because she wasn't happy. She looked broken. Her smile was broken - she looked like Tony had last week, never able to smile again. Her cheeks were glistening from the trail of so many tears and her eyes were red and there were used tissues all over the room. The owl I'd sent so many hours ago was sitting on her desk, oddly silent considering his normal temperament.

My mouth was still open, but she'd turned away now and was muttering something under her breath. I strained to listen.

"-wish you hadn't come."

I didn't know exactly what was wrong, but it had to be Tony. He was the only thing that got her this upset. I dropped her present to the floor, walked forward and flung my arms around her, squeezing and burying my face into her hair. It only took a few moments of that and then she was breaking again, turning to hug me back as she started crying so so loudly. Her shoulders were shaking and there was so much weight in her body that it felt like she might collapse at any minute. I kneeled slowly until we were both on the floor and there was no risk of her falling over, but her crying just got even louder as she tried to say something.

"Shhh, sweetie, speak slower," I whispered in her ear, one hand wrapped protectively around her head and the other around her waist, pulling her into my lap as I leaned against her bed.

"S'Tony… They…" She broke down again and for several minutes I couldn't make out anything she tried to say. "Treatment didn't work," she finally muttered.

"So they'll try some new treatment. They've tried loads already, they'll just do something else," I assured her, leaning in to kiss the top of her head even though the treatments Tony had sounded horrible so far and could only get worse. It would be worth it though, if he got better and got out of hospital soon. She shoved me back and slid off my lap, glaring at me with so much anger.

"Don't be so _stupid_, Brittany!" she half-shouted, half-screamed.

I froze. That word. I hated that word. So many people have called me that, but it had never hurt so much before. Because she knows I hate it, and she used it anyway. I stared at her, trying to understand, but she carried on anyway.

"That _was _the fucking last treatment, they can't fucking do 'something else', don't you get that? Don't you get how bad this is, how sick he is? Just 'cause you can talk about Hogwarts and shit and make him smile the _one _time you go see him, doesn't make everything alright! He's _dying, _and they can't do anything! He's dead by March! They can't do anything else and my brother's going to die! He's going to be gone forever, do you get _that_, Brittany? Are you so_ stupid _you can't even comprehend the fact that in two months I am _never _going to see my brother again?" she shrieked, her voice ragged.

She said that word again, but this time it wasn't the reason I was hurting. My heart was beating so fast, I think it was crying. I knew I was crying, even if it wasn't loudly like Santana. I could feel the wetness on my cheeks as I stared across the room at my best friend, who had stopped screaming now and collapsed in on herself next to the door, her body shuddering with her sobs. I moved stiffly - it was like my body had forgotten how to from the shock. _Dead_. I thought only old people died. I'd never known anyone young to die before. And Tony was really young. I crawled across the floor to the weeping Santana and leaned against her. I was hugging her, but not tight like before. Just enough so she'd know that I was there, and I understood she had only called me stupid because she was hurting so much inside that she needed someone else to hurt too. I couldn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. For the rest of my otherwise brilliant Christmas Day, I cried with Santana on her bedroom floor. My promise was broken, and there was nothing I could do about it.

Making people smile was the best job in the world, until I couldn't. Then it was the worst.

* * *

><p><em><strong>He dicho<strong>_**, esto es ridículo. ¡Tony está en el hospital y estás jugar con políticos! – **_I said_, this is ridiculous. Tony's in hospital and you're playing with politicians!**  
><strong>_**¿**_**Y por qué est**á** Brittany aquí? – **And why is Brittany here?**  
>Thanks again to Yumoto for help with translation :)<br>**

**Oh and here's some British English translations which some people may not understand.  
>Shandy: low alcohol-content beer mixed with lemonade<br>Christmas cracker hats that Britt mentions being around her neck: Basically paper hats you get from crackers, which are these cardboard tubes pulled between two people at Christmas which normally have a hat, toy and joke inside. They're hard to describe, google them if you want to see**

**Drawing for this chapter can be found here:  
>laurasfantasia. tumblr. com<br>/post/18124623183/bedroom**


	8. Looking After You

**Chapter 8: Looking After You**

_February, First Year_

Sitting in the potion supplies closet just down the hall from Professor Sylvester's office, I tried not to tap my foot in impatience as I waited for any sound that might signal Santana's return to Hogwarts. I couldn't make too much noise, or someone might notice I was here instead of in Herbology where I was supposed be. My book was open in my lap as I tried to read about magical systems of manure so I wouldn't be behind in class, but every few minutes I kept standing up and poking my head out of the door to listen for her voice.

It had been strange sleeping without her next to me after I'd got used to it again after the holidays. She'd been gone for a week now and I missed her. Sometimes I heard her crying in my dreams and I woke up to comfort her, but she wasn't there. Sometimes I thought I heard Tony crying too. That was worse, I thought. Because as horrible as hearing some cry is, it was worse when I'd wake up and realise I'd never hear him cry or make any sort of sound again.

I spoke to one of the ghosts about dying, and he said they celebrate deathdays. So I wrote it down on my calendar - 28th January, _Antonio Lopez deathday_. But then I got really upset every time I saw my calendar, so I ended up throwing it out the window one morning when I got a bit too upset. Sugar looked at me like I was crazy, and even though I'd been a bit confused about the days of the week in the past few days without Santana to help me, it was better than being reminded about Tony every morning. The school nurse, Madam Pillsbury, had called me into her office to talk the same day that Santana went home for the funeral. She gave me this weird leaflet about how to deal with not being allowed at a funeral. I'm not sure I'd have wanted to be at the funeral anyway, though. On TV people are always crying and dressed in black, which is such a depressing colour. Funerals are depressing anyway, so why can't people dress colourfully to make it not so sad?

Santana was back today though. I didn't know what time, so I'd skipped all my classes so far to sit in this closet so I'd be there as soon as she needed me. I'd found the perfect place to take her so we'd be away from everyone else and she could have whatever she needed, but I'd been sitting there for hours and I was starting to worry that I'd got the date wrong again.

"Miss Lopez… back…"

I jumped to my feet, knocking over the bucket I was sitting on with a loud bang. Never mind though, because Santana was here now! I stuffed my Herbology book in my bag and swung it over my shoulder, knocking over a mop, and moved to the edge of the closet to peer outside. Professor Sylvester was still talking to Santana, but then she was outside and being told something about how she could go back to classes tomorrow not today. The moment she started down the hallway in the direction of the Slytherin common room I stepped out of my hiding place and called after her.

"Santana!"

She turned, and I was glad to see she hadn't been crying today. She didn't look very happy, but she didn't look completely broken, like she had been the last time I'd seen her when Professor Sylvester came to collect her from class or when I'd found her on Christmas Day.

"Come with me, I know where we can go," I told her as I approached, gently taking her hand and leading her in the opposite direction. There was no one about to see us and soon we arrived in the right place. Santana was silent the whole time we walked, and I didn't try to talk either until it was needed. "So, I found this place a few days ago. Artie was reading about it in _Hogwarts, A History_ and I thought it would be great for us, so I hunted until I found it. You just need to walk back and forth over there, and think about anything that you need right now. Any place you want to be, anything you want to do."

She looked at me like I was crazy and I thought she was going to argue, but then she went over to where I had pointed and started walking back and forth. I remembered doing the same through all the hallways on several floors until I finally got lucky and the door had appeared. As I watched Santana pace it became visible once again in the opposite wall.

"Santana, it's done. It's the Room of Requirement," I told her with a smile. She was surprised, but still didn't speak. She'd mentioned it before, but we didn't really know what it was or where to find it until I'd finally found out from Artie. Maybe she wouldn't dislike him so much now he'd helped me find this for us. "Come on."

I took her hand again and pushed open the door, pulling her through to view whatever she had created. I stopped the moment I realised what it was. Quidditch posters hung from the walls and a green duvet was heaped up on one end of the bed. Photos were everywhere, of… Tony. Tony on a broomstick, Tony in a family portrait, Tony with his muggle friends from school, Tony and Santana.

"I just wanted to feel near him again," Santana whispered in explanation. "That's all I was thinking of, being near him. They got Edlyn to clear out his room already, I thought I'd never see it like this again." She moved stiffly to run her fingers over one picture frame of her helping him stay on a broomstick. Then she went to his wardrobe and pulled it open to see lots of boys' clothes hanging up and shoes piled untidily on the bottom of the wardrobe.

I watched her as she made her way around the room, suddenly wondering if this had been a good idea or not. Was I just making it worse, reminding her of what she couldn't have? She'd wished for this, but… maybe she didn't know what else to wish for that might make her happy. She didn't look like she was going to cry, though. And she'd started speaking again.

After doing several full circles of the room, Santana finally stopped at the bed. She picked at the duvet carefully, drawing it up to her face and breathing it in. She crawled onto the bed, hugging it tightly, and I didn't know what to do. Had I made her break again?

She looked straight at me, and released one hand from the duvet to hold it out towards me. I walked to the bed to take her hand, and she pulled me up next to her. One of her arms remained wrapped around Tony's duvet and the other curled around me, holding me close.

"Thank you," she whispered, then returned to the silence she seemed to like so much now.

* * *

><p>That night was the first in a week that I got through without nightmares. I woke up in Brittany's arms the next morning, surrounded by all things Tony and it brought a little comfort that his presence hadn't been completely forgotten yet. All the posters I had bought him over the years whenever he begged me when we were at Diagon Alley; the tiny little figurines of famous quidditch players; the box of his old favourite toys he was too old to play with now but too sentimental to throw away just yet. His smell pervaded the whole room - that horrible, musty <em>boy<em> smell I used to hate so much. At home, his door was permanently shut. I'd tried sneaking in there only to find that Edlyn had taken down the posters and cleaned the room so it didn't _feel_ like him anymore. And I knew that all of this wasn't really Tony's, but it was the closest I would ever get now.

Brittany stirred next to me, her eyes fluttering open, and my attention shifted to her. I wanted to tell her everything about the past week. I wanted to explain that Tony had at least died without pain, in his sleep. I wanted to talk about singing a song for him at the funeral. But I couldn't find the words. It felt like there was a permanent lump stuck in my throat that wouldn't let me speak. I heard her say good morning, but I couldn't reply.

"Do… do you want to go to lessons today? I know Professor Sylvester said you should, but you don't have to. Do you want to?"

I nodded. I was back at Hogwarts now. I needed everything to go back to normal. I needed to go to class and do homework and eat with all the other students, because if I didn't have that routine I thought I might just fall apart from not knowing what to do.

I was in a daze as Brittany helped untangle me from Tony's duvet, which I had somehow wrapped around us both during the night. She pulled me towards the door and I at least remembered to hold her little finger instead of her hand, even though I was desperate for the contact. There were going to be enough stares and whispers today without adding any more fuel to the fire. I paused at the door, turning back to look around again. I didn't want to leave. I knew I couldn't stay, that I shouldn't, but I wanted to more than anything. I wanted to lie in this room in Tony's presence and talk to the room like he could hear me.

"It'll be here later, Santana," Brittany said quietly. "We can come back here any time, and you just think the same as what you were thinking yesterday, and it will come back the same. I promise."

I nodded, stepping out of the room with her then watching as the door faded away like it had never existed. The hallway was still empty - it was too early yet for most students to be up.

"Let's go to your dorm and get ready, then we'll get some breakfast, okay?"

I allowed her to lead me down to the dungeons and into the Slytherin common room. Berry was awake already of course, humming to herself as she read a book on one of the sofas, but one look at me and she went silent. I was disconnected, but I could feel a small smirk on my lips at her obvious fear of me. She hadn't been able to look me in the eye since she'd started talking that time… The anger swelled up again without warning and I think she saw it, because she shrank back.

"Leave her, Santana," Brittany murmured, pulling on my arm. This time I only followed her because my tongue wouldn't function enough to form the words I wanted to spit at Berry. She led me into my dorm, sitting me down on the bed then moving to my chest of drawers to pull out my Hogwarts uniform, making me realise I was still dressed in the same jeans and t-shirt I had been wearing when I arrived back yesterday. I stiffly lifted an arm to reach out for the uniform but she placed it on the bed instead, kneeling in front of me. I frowned at her, confused, but then she reached out and started lifting my t-shirt.

She only pulled it up enough to reveal my stomach before noticing I had frozen. I was staring at her, trying to make my mind function properly so I could make sense of this. My skin burned where her fingers were brushing against my ribcage and I couldn't tear my eyes away from hers.

"Santana?" She glanced down as she tried to pull the t-shirt further up past my arms, but with the eye contact broken I could finally move away. I shuffled backwards on the bed, not able to look at her as I pulled the curtain around my bed, blocking her view. There was too much other shit going on in my head right now, I didn't have the energy to fight the awkwardness with her that was so frequent these days. I'd just have to avoid it as much as possible, even though I hated the thought of hurting Brittany. I could picture her, standing on the other side of the curtain looking confused, and I started changing quickly so she wouldn't have to wait too long. I took a breath before climbing out in my uniform, to find her watching me. I couldn't stand that sad look, so I grabbed her little finger and pulled her back towards the stairs. Even if I'd had control of my voice I wouldn't have known what to say to make her feel better about the fact that I was shutting her out.

I felt the stares the moment we entered the Great Hall. There weren't many people there yet apart from the teachers and quite a few Ravenclaws, but it seemed like every one of them was looking at me, whether directly or while pretending to be interested in something else. They all must know. Rumours spread fast in Hogwarts - I'd always contributed enthusiastically to that, but now I wished every one of those people talking about Tony could just have their mouths sewn shut. We sat at the Hufflepuff table, because more of them were too intimidated to talk to me than the Slytherins.

Brittany was talking now but I was finding it difficult to pay attention to what she was saying. Every time I saw someone glance my way I started wondering what they were thinking. Were they feeling sorry for me? Were they searching for tears from the normally fearless Santana Lopez? Were they laughing inside that I somehow couldn't form a word? I tried to pay attention to Brittany's words. Her eyes were scared, but I still couldn't find it in myself to reply to anything she said, except to nod or shake my head.

I'd been quiet ever since the funeral. Edlyn was ordered not to speak of it and even though my parents were home they didn't really talk either. The whole house was quiet, but sometimes at night I thought I heard mamá crying. It was like I'd got so used to the silence that I couldn't shake it off. I'd managed to speak to Brittany for a little bit yesterday, but I hadn't even replied to Professor Sylvester after I got back.

And then I realised I was inside my own head again, and Brittany was staring at me looking even more upset than she had before. Unable to reassure her with words, I squeezed her little finger and gave her a small smile. It seemed to relax her a little, but not as much as I'd hoped. I knew I wasn't right - I wasn't _supposed_ to be right, my brother had just freaking _died_ - but I still couldn't stand to see Brittany upset.

She stopped trying to make conversation and we ate breakfast in silence. For the rest of the day, I could feel eyes on me as I walked the corridors with Brittany always glued to my side. It was the teachers as much as the students, and I knew they were just worried but it was driving me crazy. Every look, every concerned glance was a reminder. I wanted everyone to treat me like _normal_! How was I supposed to feel like everything was okay when they were constantly checking up on me?

The whole day that lump stayed in my throat and I couldn't say a word. When flying class arrived at the end of the day, I was glad. Professor Beiste wouldn't expect me to say anything. She'd just expect me to fly as well as I normally did. Brittany wouldn't be so worried because Brittany always felt better when she got to fly. She'd probably try and stay worried anyway, but there's something about flying that just transforms her.

I vaguely listened to Professor Beiste warning us all about the dangers of bludgers and took my beater's bat when it was offered to me. Brittany looked terrified at the idea that there would be bludgers flying around when I hadn't even been able to concentrate on cutting up beetle eyes right in Potions just half an hour ago, but I was warming up to the idea of directing my pent-up energy at a magical ball. We were flying in small groups so that Professor Beiste could make sure we were all safe. I was placed with Azimio, Karofsky, Puck and Brittany. Puck patted me on the shoulder in his terrible attempt to comfort me and I shrugged him off, pushing away from the ground.

I swung the bat carefully in my right hand, looking forward to this. Professor Beiste was below us, making sure we were all ready, and finally she released the bludger. It flew straight towards Azimio and he managed to swivel, hitting it up as instructed. It turned midway in the air and came down towards me. I readied myself, clenching the bat then striking upwards with as much force as I could muster, placing all my anger into that hit. It flew much higher than when Azimio had hit it and I grinned in satisfaction. This was just what I needed. The ball came back to me again and I did the same, straight up.

Professor Beiste was complimenting me from below but I wasn't listening. All I focused on was that one bludger. I got nervous the first time it flew to Brittany but she managed it well. Professor Beiste, seeing we were doing fine, set off to start up the next group.

It became a competition; who could hit the bludger the highest. Karofsky beat my height first, all his disgusting bulkiness giving him an unfair advantage. Eventually it was just him and Azimio, both trying to best each other. I watched, my interest waning as the bludger repeatedly returned to the two of them. Azimio was winning, and Karofsky was getting mad. What was the point of being here, able to release my anger when the stupid ball wouldn't even come near me? Brittany was getting bored too. The bludger had come to her the least because she wasn't hitting it very high, and as I watched her she started examining the bat in her hands.

It happened fast. Karofsky yelled wordlessly in frustration as he hit the bludger, not bothering to direct it properly into the sky. The heavy ball flew across the circle we were in straight towards Brittany, but when the lump in my throat finally cleared to shout a warning it was too late. There was blood, and she was falling, and I was shouting as I dived down after her. I didn't even process what I was shouting but my voice was back, and there was no way I could reach Britt in time before she hit the floor. I practically fell off my own broom scrabbling towards her. I was… she was… the blood, the _blood_!

"Britt, tell me you're okay. Talk to me, please. _Please_, Brittany," I murmured, my heart beating like a drum. I cradled her head carefully in my hands. Her eyes flickered open and I let out a gasp of relief, seeing her searching until she met my eyes.

"Ugggh…" She lifted a hand to her chin where the majority of the blood was located. Now I knew she was awake I was a bit calmer, but my breathing was still coming faster than it should. I could see she wasn't hurt as badly as I'd feared, though. "Is it gross?" she whispered, turning her head to look at me. She prodded the large cut I could now see on her cheek and winced. There were tears in her eyes, but she wasn't letting them fall. She was just watching me, trusting me.

"Out of the way everyone!" Professor Beiste commanded, parting the crowd I hadn't even realised had gathered around us. Suddenly Brittany was being helped to her feet by our teacher, who was thoroughly checking her over. "Don't worry, you'll live, it's just a bit of a cut and bruise." She was looking more at me than Brittany when she said that. "I'll take you to the hospital and Madam Pillsbury can get you all fixed up, yeah? Everyone else stay here! Those bludgers are not to be touched under _any_ circumstances, understood? I will be out again soon and everyone is to stay on the ground until I return!"

I took a step to follow them, but then a voice from behind stopped me. _Karofsky_. He did this to her. He did this to my Brittany because he couldn't keep a hold on his temper. I spun on one foot, finding him immediately. He looked worried, his eyes on Brittany and Professor Beiste, but he was sure as hell going to look a whole lot more worried when I was done with him.

"Karofsky, _what_ do you think you're playing at?" I hissed, making my way towards him. His eyes flicked to me. He understood the situation immediately and took a few steps back.

"I… It was an accident, Santana. I'm sorry, I honestly didn't mean to-"

My wand was out and I shoved it against his chest, pushing him further back.

"You hurt Brittany. And what's the golden rule everyone knows? _Don't. Hurt. Brittany._"

He tried to recover his pride a little by standing straighter and looking down at me - like that was ever going to stop me. Stupid boys thinking they can intimidate me just because they're taller.

"Like I said, it was an accident. You don't need to get all-"

"But I _do_, Karofsky. You think just because it was an accident that makes it okay? _You_ hurt Brittany. You don't get away with that." He opened his mouth to speak again, but I didn't let him get any further. "Densaugeo! Aculeum verrucae! Nocapillos!" The hexes flew out of my mouth one after the other and Karofsky was knocked over by the force of them all at once. I watched, and didn't have to wait long for the effects to begin. His front teeth began growing first, then the warts appeared all over his body. He started scratching desperately at them as they stung him, but my magic was not done yet. He didn't even realise his hair was falling out until he caught someone laughing - a Gryffindor boy with perfectly groomed hair. Then he caught sight of his hair scattered in the grass around him and put a hand to his now completely bald head.

I smirked as I turned away to find Brittany, hearing his yell of frustration and embarrassment. My work was done. No one would hurt her again, and if anyone dared to look at me for the rest of the day it would be out of fear, not pity. I left the rest of the class to be entertained by the havoc my hexes had caused for Karofsky, embracing the sudden feeling of power.

* * *

><p>I found Brittany in the Hospital Wing quickly, and Karofsky's idiocy faded from my mind. The blood on her face had been cleared up and she was lying calmly on one of the beds, examining her face in a mirror. She looked up the moment I entered.<p>

"Santana!"

I smiled in response, taking another step towards her, examining her for damage I hadn't noticed before. "How are you?"

She smiled back, visibly brightening. "You're speaking again."

I shifted where I stood, trying to come up with an explanation. "Yeah. I'm… sorry. I just… I couldn't. I-"

"It's okay, Santana. I'm just happy I can talk to you again."

"Good," I replied, stepping forward properly to slide onto the bed with her. "Now how are you, really? Is anything broken? How long do you have to stay in here?"

She laughed, and I allowed the noise to reverberate like music in my ears.

"I'm fine, I promise. It was just a bit of a cut and Madam Pillsbury got rid of it really soon - she cleaned my face first, though. I don't know why, 'cause it was dirty again once she was done and she had to clean it again."

"Never mind Madam Pillsbury. You're staying here until I'm sure you're okay. Now do you want anything? Fruit, chocolate, books-"

"Santana, stop fussing. I'm supposed to be the one looking after you, not the other way round," she added with concern.

I brushed it aside, pushing my feelings behind an internal wall.

"No, I'm looking after you. You're injured, you need the best care and that Madam Pillsbury isn't going to give it to you."

I realised this was what I needed; some sort of distraction, in the form of Brittany, that would keep me grounded while I tried to sort out my head. If I could just focus on Brittany, I could forget about my own problems. It would work. It had to.


	9. Valentines

****This chapter jumps around a little in terms of POV, but I felt it was important to get both Brittany and Santana's perspectives.****

**Chapter 9: Valentines**

_February, First Year_

"Richie Bitch, get out of my face before I hex you so you look even more like a pig-tailed gnome than you already do," Santana snapped. Sugar moved back quickly, turning to lean over the other side of the table for the fruit she had been reaching for, and I sighed.

Ever since Santana had broken her silence when Karofsky had knocked me off my broom, she'd been different. I still loved every bit of her and wouldn't give her up for anything, but it was strange getting used to this new Santana. She hardly ever smiled anymore. She'd talk about people behind their backs and call them names to their face worse than she ever used to - especially people like Rachel and Artie, as much as I tried to explain that he wasn't as bad as she thought. She had this new way of looking at people that made them hurry out of her way, and the first time I was on my own after being in the Hospital Wing some second year Ravenclaws came over to ask if it was true that she'd hexed Karofsky until he cried.

It wasn't only that, though. When she wasn't insulting people, she was just focusing on me. Which didn't really sound like a bad thing, but it wasn't a nice focus. At first she was making sure I was okay after Karofsky accidentally sent that bludger at me, which I thought was silly anyway because Madam Pillsbury fixed me with just a few spells. But even once I'd convinced her that I really was fine, she still kept trying to protect me. If anyone said something to me she didn't like, they'd either get yelled at or hexed, and quite often both. She'd already had detention three times in the past fortnight even though the teachers were trying to be understanding. I kind of got why they had to give her detention even when she was hurting. She did put Finn, Azimio and Jacob in the Hospital Wing in the space of four days. I wished she wouldn't, but whenever I tried to tell her they weren't really saying anything bad she wouldn't listen. I didn't mind her looking after me, but I didn't want her hurting people because of me!

And she _still_ wouldn't talk about why she was being weird whenever we got changed or I got too close. It was just really frustrating, and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to help her feel better, but she was acting as if nothing was wrong at all. Sometimes I could feel tears on her cheeks at night, but she'd never talk about it in the morning.

"You're lost, Puck," Santana stated flatly, narrowing her eyes as he slipped down next to her on the Hufflepuff table. At least he hadn't tried to sit between me and her - that would have made her _really_ mad. That was how Finn had ended up with his face so sunburnt he'd cried.

"Just thought I'd come see you and my favourite Hufflepuff," Puck replied with a wide smile, wiggling his eyebrows at me. I smiled back and she relaxed a little – even though he was kind of annoying sometimes, occasionally he'd know exactly the right thing to say.

"Well you'd better start eating soon or Finnocence over there will only leave you the table cloth to chew," she replied dryly. Across the table, Finn went red and quickly lowered his bacon sandwich to his plate. It was his third in ten minutes - I didn't understand how he could eat so much. Puck grinned, spearing a couple of sausages with his fork and pushing them onto his plate.

"So, Santana, I was thinking. You, me, Hogsmeade, Tuesday. Whatcha think?"

She went stiff. I looked across at her and saw she looked like she wanted to be excited, but was too surprised. Then I noticed several other people around us listening in and I remembered - Tuesday was Valentine's Day. Santana and I always spent Valentine's Day together; she said I was more fun than some stupid boy. I was planning on doing something special to try and cheer her up, so I'd asked Becky to order all of Santana's favourite sweets from her uncle at Honeydukes and they'd arrived yesterday. I figured we could go to the prefects' bathroom or the Room of Requirement after classes finished for the day and spend all evening there. I was even going to get her flowers, because flowers always seem to make people happy.

"Sounds cool. What time?" She was acting like it was no big deal.

"Wait, but - you can't go to Hogsmeade. It's not a Hogsmeade weekend, and you're not old enough anyway," I pointed out.

"Puck has his ways," he replied, winking. I was going to say something else, but then I saw Santana's face. She actually looked happy. I bit my lip, then I bit into my toast instead because it was starting to hurt biting my lip so hard.

"That's okay right, Britt?" she asked, elbowing me lightly. "We can hang out any time."

She was saying please with her eyes, so I nodded. I wanted her to be happier, and this was going to do that. Even though I had been thinking of ideas of what to do all weekend… She smiled though, and I tried to reassure myself. _She's right, we can hang out any time. I should be happy for her. I will be happy for her._

I was panicking. _Majorly_ panicking.

What if he didn't like me and this was all just a joke to humiliate me? What if he liked me too much and tried to do something? What if it was really awkward and neither of us knew what to say? What if-

"Santana, stop worrying!" Brittany interrupted my thoughts, her hands placed heavily on my shoulders and spinning me so she could gaze solemnly into my eyes, grounding me a little. "You don't have to worry. You're amazing – Puck's going to be wrapped around your thumb by the end of tonight."

"Wrapped around my little finger," I corrected. Brittany's words, so typically her, calmed me further and I managed a small smile for her. She grinned back at me, apparently feeling all the excitement that I should be feeling. It was my first date, after all. She'd seemed upset at first, but now she was helping me get ready like it was the best thing in the world. And Valentine's Day was supposed to be for boys and girls, after all, not friends, so I really should spend it with Puck and not feel guilty about leaving Brittany behind. We didn't have anything planned anyway. I looked down at what I was wearing again - a dark green dress with leather boots and the silver necklace Brittany had bought me last year for my birthday.

"You look _great_, Santana," she reassured me, and I sat heavily on the bed, flopping down onto my back after checking the clock. There were still twenty minutes until I had to meet Puck in the common room. She laid down next to me, turning to look at me and reaching out a hand to gently brush the hair out of my face. "Careful you don't mess your hair up, it looks so pretty right now."

I instinctively turned my head away from her and I heard her sigh, drawing her hand back.

"I wish you'd talk to me, Santana," she whispered. "You don't tell me your secrets anymore."

I hastily turned to look at her and saw she was staring up at the green canopy of my bed, the corners of her lips turned down. I couldn't leave her like that. I took a risk.

"I'm scared Puck'll kiss me," I whispered back, getting the words out fast so I couldn't lose my nerve halfway through. She turned to face me, surprised. The thought had been in the back of my mind ever since he'd asked me at breakfast a few days ago. I'd never kissed anyone before. I wasn't even sure if I _wanted_ to. What if I messed up?

"Why?"

"Well… y'know. It'll be my first kiss. What if I'm bad at it?"

"You'll be fine, Santana. I think kissing is meant to be just like talking, but with your tongues super close. And you're great at talking when you're not yelling at people."

I nodded, staring up at the canopy, but I was still worried. Growing up was frustrating, everything suddenly got so complicated. "What if he tells everyone I'm a bad kisser? No one will ever want to kiss me again," I said, turning my head to look at her once more as my mind summoned worse and worse scenarios. She was hesitating. She wanted to say something, but she was nervous for some reason. "What is it?"

"I mean… I… I could help you practice. And I'll find out if you're a bad kisser or not, and if you need more practice I can just tell you and you don't kiss Puck tonight. You make some excuse about toothache or gum disease or something."

It was a ridiculous idea. But suddenly I was weighing up the two options of kissing Brittany or facing rumours that I was a bad kisser for the rest of my time at Hogwarts. As horrible as the latter sounded, the thought of kissing Brittany was terrifying. But I was drawn to it, and I couldn't make myself back away.

"It's just you and me. It doesn't mean anything, it's just practice." For a moment I wondered if she was trying to convince me or herself, but I shook that thought away.

I realised I was nodding and the worry I was feeling before suddenly became a hundredfold worse when Brittany smiled shyly in response. My eyes flicked down to her lips. They were light pink, and thinner than mine, but I knew that already. What was I doing? Why was I agreeing to this? I felt awkward with her just being too close, it would be so much more awkward than any time before if I kissed her.

She shuffled closer across my satin duvet but I couldn't move. Half of me wanted to lean in nearer as well, but the other half wanted to run from the room and pretend this had never been mentioned. So I stayed still, stuck in place and my eyes on her lips as the familiar awkwardness grew inside me. This was a bad idea. This was an even worse idea than her deciding to climb the tree outside my window at Christmas, forgetting she was scared of heights.

Then her lips were on mine and suddenly the awkwardness mutated into a pleasant buzz. We stayed like that for a moment, just our lips touching lightly and nothing else. Then slowly, tentatively I moved my lips against hers like I'd seen people do in her films. She kissed back just as gently and I marvelled at how soft her lips were. She pulled back after only a few seconds of that and I felt almost disappointed, then I had to remind myself that this was just practice for my proper first kiss later. And I didn't really feel nervous about kissing Puck now. After all, if kissing Brittany felt this good then kissing a boy must be _amazing_. She grinned at me, her cheeks glowing.

"You don't need any practice," she assured me quietly. She leaned in once more and I almost did as well to meet her in the middle this time, but then she just kissed my cheek before pulling away. The awkwardness I normally felt was gone like it had never existed. I just wanted to kiss her again and feel her lips on mine, but a familiar irritating voice floated nearer and became much louder as the dorm door opened.

"-you see the vibrato on the cellos really brings out the singer's contrasting voice-"

Berry and another of the girls who I shared the dorm with walked in. I think her name was Sarah. I didn't really know or care, she barely spoke.

"Get out." Berry was not going to ruin this. She looked alarmed and stopped in the doorway.

"Santana, I just need-"

I grabbed my wand from the table next to my bed.

"_Now_, hobbit, before I do something you'll regret!" She turned and left, the other girl closely following after taking once glance at me. I lay back down on my bed with relief, half-wondering if it would be weird to suggest a second practice kiss to make sure, only to find Brittany looking at me with a reproachful gaze. "What?"

"You know what."

"Britt, I'm like this so no one is going to challenge us. We're at the top of our year and we're going to be the top of the school. I can't have anyone think they can hit a _bludger_ at you and get away with it," I argued. I was pretty sure by now there wasn't any lasting damage from Karofsky's moment of idiocy, but I still had to look out for her like I'd promised myself I would in the Hospital Wing.

"Santana, it was an accident! You can't hex someone every time they don't include me in a conversation or bump into me in the hallway!" she replied, looking genuinely exasperated. Why did Berry have to come in here and ruin it all? We were having a great time before she arrived.

"I've got to look after you-"

"_No!_" she burst out, her voice pleading. I was shocked. I didn't think she'd ever spoken to me like that before. I sat up, swivelling to look at her with wide eyes and waiting for an explanation. I was just trying to do what was best for both of us, surely she knew that? She sat up as well and reached for one of my hands, holding it securely in both of hers in her lap as she spoke calmly.

"Santana. You can't keep me in a bubble, and I don't want you to keep hexing people like you have been these last few weeks. You've made your point, and I get you want to look after me. But I'm a lot stronger than you think I am, and I don't like you hurting people! I don't want a bodyguard, I want my best friend. I _need_ my best friend back, please."

She was so serious, staring at me with those big blue eyes. I hadn't even realised how much she must have disliked me hexing so many people, but when I thought about it, it was obvious that she'd hate it. She'd always hated violence, even if it was just pretend on TV. I'd been so wrapped up in trying to protect her from other people that I'd forgotten to check up on her. She was right. I wasn't being her best friend, and the guilt I'd been trying to ignore since accepting Puck's offer of a date suddenly overcame me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. I didn't even need to say any more than that - she leaned in and hugged me tight, releasing my hand. I hugged her back just as tightly, revelling in the contact. It had been so long since I had been able to be so close to her and not feel any of that awkwardness. It was like our kiss had cleared the air. "Do I really not need any practice?" I murmured into her shoulder. She pulled back with a giggle, and for the first time in so long everything between us felt normal. Like it was before Tony got ill, before I started feeling strange around her.

"You're the best kisser I've ever kissed," she replied with a grin. "Now come on or you're going to be late for Puck!"

It was dark as I walked down the corridor to the Hufflepuff common room, whispering the password and slipping in through the door. Apart from a couple of sixth years studying by the fire it was empty, and they ignored me anyway - they were used to the Slytherin in their mix by now.

I made my way to Brittany's dorm quietly and tiptoed across the room. I felt like I should be ecstatic about all that had happened tonight. Puck had actually put thought into our date and booked a table at this tiny restaurant in Hogsmeade. It had been so easy talking with him all evening, but at the end of the night when he'd kissed me in the secret tunnel we'd used to leave the castle I couldn't help comparing it to my earlier kiss with Brittany. Yeah, it was okay, but I hadn't felt anything. It didn't make me all warm inside.

I knew that right now he'd be exaggerating everything to Azimio and Karofsky and anyone else who'd listen, but I didn't really care about that. Knowing he'd talk about it was why I'd agreed to go out with him to start with - being scary wasn't enough to be popular, I had to have boys hanging onto my every word as well. Most of the other first years didn't realise this yet, but I'd been watching the older popular girls and I could see how they worked, and I knew I would have to be like them. The earlier I started, the easier it would be to cement mine and Britt's place at the top of the social pyramid. And since Brittany didn't like me hexing everyone, I'd have to be doubly good at the boys part of being popular.

I quickly changed into the spare pair of pyjamas I kept under Brittany's bed, noticing multiple familiar sweet wrappers scattered nearby as I slipped under the covers to join her.

"Been eating my favourite sweets without me?" I whispered in her ear with a grin. She stirred, blinking sleepily up at me.

"I was going to keep them for you but I got hungry and you weren't here," she mumbled, pulling me into her with a lazy arm. I snuggled in, resting my head next to hers so that when I whispered there was no chance of anyone else hearing.

"You're a better kisser than he is." My lips barely moved at the admission but I knew she'd heard me because I saw her smile.

"Maybe I should give _him_ some practice," she commented.

"No!" I was surprised at how much I disliked the idea, and I wasn't sure if it was the idea of sharing Puck or sharing Brittany that had me so upset. "No, you… you should find some other boy. Maybe Mike, you like him right? We could go on double dates," I suggested. Now I'd had the idea, it sounded very appealing. I could date Puck and spend time with Brittany as well, without having to choose between them. She didn't reply, so I leaned in to press a tiny kiss to the corner of her mouth. Miraculously the awkwardness remained hidden away, and instead I got that warm feeling that I hadn't felt when kissing Puck. "Only if you want to, Britt. But you could get anyone you wanted."

"Anyone?" she repeated. It felt like she was asking something more than what it sounded, but I wasn't sure what so I just answered like it was a normal question.

"Of course. Any boy would be lucky to have you. Just watch, they'll be tripping over their feet for you soon enough."

I was feeling a bit sick from all the sweets I'd eaten last night, but Santana helped me out of bed when my alarm went off and rubbed my tummy until it felt better. She seemed excited to go down to breakfast so I tried to hurry as much as I could as she explained in detail everything that had happened last night. The other girls in my dorm were listening as well, but she didn't seem to care - in fact, it seemed like she was speaking loudly on purpose so they had no choice but to hear. She didn't even yell at Sugar when she asked a question.

I acted as happy for her as I could, but I was confused and the pain in my tummy was making it harder to think than usual. I'd finally got through to her about how she was acting and she'd said sorry, and she'd actually agreed to _kiss_ me. I was planning on pretending it was a joke if she said no so she wouldn't get weird, but then she'd nodded so I'd done it. And it felt _really_ nice. But then she'd gone off with Puck and I'd eaten all the sweets I ordered for her on my own in my dorm and got a tummy ache. She'd come in and said I was a better kisser than Puck so I thought she wouldn't be kissing him again, but _now_ she wouldn't stop going on about him! It was all so confusing.

I headed towards the Hufflepuff table as usual when we entered the Great Hall but she grabbed my arm gently.

"Not today," she murmured, pulling me towards the Slytherins instead. They greeted her jovially, and barely five minutes had passed before the conversation turned to her date with Puck last night. Karofsky knocked into me as he sat, but to my relief Santana didn't do anything apart from send him a quick glare. She was distracted by Puck, who had wound his arm around her waist. I could see his fingers digging into her side possessively. Was I really losing Santana to Puck?

I suddenly remembered what she'd said last night about me finding a boy. She hadn't understood my question properly of course, so I still didn't know what the answer was. _Could_ I have Santana like she had Puck? Because if I really could have anyone, she was who I'd choose. I repressed a sigh when I saw him lean in to kiss her and wolf whistles surrounded us, my tummy beginning to cramp again.

No, I couldn't have her, not now. But if I found a boy and we could all go out together then at least I wouldn't have lost her completely to this new world of kissing and dating. Maybe I could find someone who could teach me more about kissing, and then I could teach that to Santana. My eyes wandered and I noticed Mike at the Ravenclaw table, laughing with Quinn and Matt. He was nice, I guess. He could fly and play quidditch really well. And if I couldn't have Santana, then he would have to do.

**End of Part One**

* * *

><p><strong>And there is the end of their time that I will be writing in 1<strong>**st**** year. I'll be doing one chapter next of them in 3****rd**** year, then it's onto Part 2 which starts in March of their 5****th**** year.**


	10. Interlude: Firsts

**Chapter 10, Interlude: Firsts**

_March, Third Year_

It was the Saturday of a Hogsmeade weekend, and that meant that for the third time so far this year Puck was trying to persuade me to join him for the night in a room at the Three Broomsticks.

"Come on, one night. I'll make it great," he told me with that irritating grin, his hand dropping down from where it was resting around my waist to grab my ass. I elbowed him sharply and he let go immediately, rolling his eyes as he rubbed his ribs. "Geez Santana, you're such a tease. Annalise already did it with Azimio like a month ago and they've only been together since January. We've been dating for like two years!"

"Okay, hold it right there," I demanded, spinning around with one finger in the air, my eyebrow raised challengingly. "We have so _not_ been dating for two years. We've only been dating for like five months of those whole two years, and half of that was in first year when we were just kids, so don't go acting like I've been holding out on you for that long."

"Well, you're holding out on me now. I don't get what the big deal is about this, we've done stuff before," he complained, not seeming to care that we were standing in an open corridor.

"Lower your voice," I snapped.

"Santana, look," he started again, a little quieter and trying to sound more reasonable. "I've already booked the room. Let's go down tonight and have a nice meal, I'll find us something decent to drink and we can do whatever you want."

"Something decent to drink?" I repeated suspiciously.

"I'm not gonna get you drunk, I swear! I'm not going to force you into anything. Sure, I'll try and persuade you, but I'm not a complete asshole. If you say no again, I'll deal. I just want a night away from Hogwarts with my girlfriend, is that too much to ask?"

I knew that despite his words, if I agreed to go with him tonight then I wouldn't be able to argue with his compliments and pleases and the kisses on my neck. It had been hard enough to say no last time. But I remembered Tara, the popular sixth year who was dating Puck's brother, looking at me like I was acting crazy when I'd tried to talk to her about it. She'd said I should just get it over with and stop worrying so much. Brittany of course said I should wait if I was nervous, but she didn't have to deal with Puck's pleas on a regular basis.

"Fine."

I only whispered, but he heard anyway and fist-pumped the air.

"Yes!"

His reaction annoyed me more than I thought it would and I pushed away from him.

"Fuck you, Puck."

"I do hope so," he replied, victory in his eyes and not even bothering to make the effort to speak to my face rather than my boobs. I groaned, turning away.

"Don't push your luck or you'll be a bit lonely tonight when I don't turn up," I snapped, walking in the opposite direction to where I knew he was going.

"Ha, you won't be able to keep away!"

* * *

><p><em>One Week Later<em>

I stumbled through the crowd in the Shrieking Shack, grinning maniacally at the cheers that met me as I passed.

"Whoo!" I shouted out with just as much enthusiasm, lifting a fist into the air and spinning around in time with the music as I walked. This was fun! Everyone loved me, and our quidditch captain Monica and every other Hufflepuff I saw just kept giving me these great drinks and now my head felt really weird, like my brain was vibrating or something.

"Brittany Pierce, quidditch genius!" someone yelled behind me, pushing another cup into my hand. I giggled, taking a gulp and spilling some of it down my chin when I tipped the cup too high. I laughed as I passed it on to someone else and, recognising another quidditch uniform, grabbed at it. I looked up giddily, grinning when I saw sandy blonde hair.

"Sam! Sam, you're awesome, y'know that? You're totally gonna be captain of Gryff'ndor soon, you're the best person on that team, it's why we beat you so bad today cause the others are _bad_," I told him as seriously as I could, wrapping my arms around him when I suddenly felt dizzy.

"Thanks, Britt! You were amazing today!" he enthused. I giggled against him, lifting a hand to run through his hair in wonder.

"How is your hair so _soft_, Sam? So soft Sam… that rhymes! No, not rhymes. Something like rhymes…" He shuffled nearer, his arms circling my waist. "You've got really muscley," I noticed, poking his chest. It was solid underneath the thick red uniform.

"Well thanks, Britt. I've been working out a load, it's nice to find someone who notices."

He pulled me close and towards a more open space, his body moving against mine. I felt weirdly clumsy dancing and I tried to just move with the music with my hips. Sam seemed to like it because his hands pressed harder into my sides.

"You look great tonight, y'know," he said loudly into my ear. His words were kind of blurring together, and I wondered if that was how I sounded too.

"Whatcha mean, I'm in my quidditch clothes?" I pointed out, tilting my head as I stared up at him. He had really big lips. They were just as awesome to kiss as they looked - I'd found that out at my very first quidditch after-party earlier this year. People had given me drinks then as well even though we lost, and I'd added Sam, Matt _and _Rory to my kissing list in one night!

"Yeah well, y'always look hot Britt," he replied, his words even more muffled as he started kissing my neck. I closed my eyes, tightening my arms around him as he pressed into me more.

"Mm, that feels _good_, Sam," I mumbled happily. He brought his mouth up and his lips swallowed mine. My head was still buzzing and I didn't think I was kissing very well, so I opened my eyes to try and see if he liked it. It was kind of hard to see his face at this angle though, and I just ended up looking past him.

Santana was right there. Puck too. He had her pressed up against the wall, and I suddenly remembered everything she'd said to people over the last week about how great sex had been. She wouldn't talk about it when it was just me and her, but she told everyone else that it had been amazing fun. She wouldn't stop going on about it. So… couldn't I do that?

I pulled back from Sam. He looked confused, so I took his hand and began leading him away from the other dancing people with a grin and a wink, doing my best to walk in a straight line. I glanced at Santana as we passed, but I knew there was no way she could see me with Puck's massive head in the way. She'd be so excited when she found out I'd had sex too! Then we could talk about it! I hated not being able to talk about stuff with Santana. I found a door and pushed it open, jumping in excitement when I saw the room was empty. I almost fell over, but Sam caught me and I hung onto him for support.

"This is gonna be awesome," I whispered, pushing him clumsily into the door to close it and pressing my lips up against his.

* * *

><p>"Brittany!"<p>

She turned, and her face lit up when she saw me. A moment later she was bowling me over with a tight hug, then just hanging on to keep herself standing.

"Whoa, Britt, how much have you had to drink?" I asked in surprise, taking in her appearance. Her quidditch robes were stained with some sort of drink, and the make-up I had insisted she put on before coming to the party was smudged. On her neck were distinctive purple marks that had definitely not been there at the start of the night. It felt like she was clinging onto me for all she was worth, the way her nails were digging into my arm.

"I don't know… people just kept giving me drinks and it all tasted so good! Well not all of it, but most of it, I gave the nasty stuff to other people. I think everyone likes me, Santana!"

She was half-smiling – but that was worrying, not reassuring. If Brittany really was happy, which she should be after her performance on the quidditch pitch today, she would have a permanent grin etched onto her face, not a half-smile.

"Of course they like you Brittany, you caught the snitch in like ten minutes. Even the Gryffindors are impressed," I assured her. I wrapped both my arms around her to help support her and was very glad I hadn't had that much to drink so far. Most of what I'd had upon our arrival had already worn off, and the way she wouldn't let go of me told me she needed me as sober as possible. The why of that remained a mystery. "Where've you been all night? I've been looking for you."

"No you weren't, you were sucking face with Puck," she replied solemnly, looking straight into my eyes and her half-smile completely gone now. Thinking of Puck still made me feel a little queasy, and I would much rather have been dancing with Brittany than kissing him all night. But appearances had to be maintained.

She turned away from me suddenly to look across the room. I followed her gaze and found Sam, one of the Gryffindor chasers, watching her with a grin. He waved and she returned the gesture half-heartedly. As soon as he had turned away, she buried her face into my neck and I thought I heard her whimper. The half-smile, the unusually intense clinginess, the way she was shying away from anyone else who came nearby; they were small signs that probably no one else would notice, but I knew Brittany better than anyone, and I could tell something was wrong.

I gripped her more firmly, not willing to let her go as I moved us away from the crowd to one of the corridors and then an empty room. Almost empty, anyway. One bark at the two Ravenclaws making out sent them scurrying away. Even two years after my hexing spree following Tony's death had ended, I still had the reputation and I took complete advantage of it, even though thinking of those weeks always brought back a dull ache inside.

Once we were alone and the room was quiet apart from the distant thump of the music, I pulled away from Brittany a little to look at her properly. Now it was just us, she was making no pretence at being happy.

"Tell me," I said simply. She gulped, sniffling a little before replying.

"I… it just…" She took a deep breath before trying again. "It hurt!" she whispered, like she was telling me a secret. I could see tears nestling in the corners of her eyes, waiting to fall.

"Hurt? Did someone hurt you, Brittany?" I asked urgently. Suddenly the marks on her neck took on a whole new meaning. I lifted a hand to touch one lightly. "Who did this?"

"S-Sam."

I stared at her in shock. I'd been expecting to hear the name of one of the older Slytherin boys, but… _Sam_? He was basically the only popular kid in our year besides Brittany who was always nice to everyone and I kind of liked him, even if he did have lips like a fish. Anger began to grow inside of me, replacing my surprise.

"Sam did this? He… Wait till I get my hands on him! _Maldito cabrón!_" I fumed, white-hot fury bubbling up at the thought of Brittany being hurt. I almost bolted out of the room to find him and curse him straight into the Hospital Wing, but the neediness in Brittany's expression held me in place. "What did he do? Tell me, Brittany, tell me what he did!" The tears were sliding down her cheeks now and I reined in my temper enough to reach up and wipe them away. I had to stay calm for now, for Brittany. I would deal with Sam later, and he would regret ever laying a hand on my girl!

"W-we had sex," she whispered, staring at the floor.

A lump became lodged in my throat at her words. I swallowed heavily, taking a deep breath before replying at the same volume, my eyes on Brittany's face the whole time for any sign that she might lie. I didn't think she would about something like this, but I had to be sure.

"Did he force you?" I couldn't have spoken louder even if I had wanted to.

Wide blue eyes suddenly jerked up to stare at me in shock. "No! No no, he didn't! I swear! Sam wouldn't do that, you know him!"

"Then _why_? How did he hurt you?"

"I… it was my idea. You kept saying how fun it was to the others but you wouldn't talk about it with me so I figured if I did it I'd understand and we could talk. I persuaded him, I said it was a good idea, I said you'd said how good it was, but… it _hurt_, Santana! Why didn't you say it would hurt?" she asked, raising her hands to cover her face as she quietly cried.

It felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. I'd never hated myself as much as I did at that moment. I'd never regretted a lie more. Sex with Puck in that hotel room had been nothing like I'd thought it would be. But I couldn't say that, not when half the school already knew I'd spent the night with him. So I'd lied. I couldn't even bear to tell Brittany how little I'd felt apart from the pain, so I'd refused to speak on the subject at all when we were alone. And now look what I had caused… She looked so pitiful, sniffling into her hands, and I took one big step forward to secure her in the tightest hug I could manage.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, so sorry," I repeated into her shoulder, gently rubbing circles against her back. The tremors in her body slowly eased as I held her. I rocked her slowly, out of time with the distant music, until she was calmer and her sniffling had completely stopped. I pressed my lips softly to her forehead, pushing several loose strands of hair behind her ears. I paused, then kissed her briefly on the lips before pulling back properly to see a tiny smile push its way through her glum exterior, although it disappeared almost immediately. "I really am sorry, Brittany. I didn't think, I just… I didn't realise…" I trailed off, not knowing how to explain my sheer idiocy. Her first time, that was meant to be special, had been reduced to a drunken hook-up that the whole school would know about by tomorrow. Even if Sam said nothing, people would have seen them going off together.

"It's not your fault," she replied, rubbing at her bloodstained eyes. "I decided to, I just… I thought it would be better. I didn't mean to cry on you. B-but… does it always hurt?"

"I don't think so, Britt. Just the first time. I'm…" I took a gulping breath, trying not to let my distress show through and upset her any further. "I'm sorry it wasn't special. It's supposed to be special." It hadn't really felt special for me with Puck, but he'd at least made some effort by getting us a room at the Three Broomsticks, and making sure we had breakfast delivered the next morning. But for Brittany it should have been fireworks and a romantic dinner and everything it was supposed to be. She was worth all that.

"I'm glad you're here, Santana. Even if it wasn't very special, at least you're here." She was staring down at me with such trust, even after what I'd caused. There was something else in her eyes as well, but I didn't recognise it.

"Just tell me what you need, Brittany. Anything, I'll make it happen," I told her seriously.

"Anything?" I nodded, hoping she wasn't going to ask for something too difficult. "I think… I think I need a distraction," she said quietly, still not looking away from me. She didn't seem as drunk now, although the alcohol was sure to still be affecting her.

"What kind of-"

Her kiss cut me off, and caught me kind of by surprise, but I didn't protest. It wasn't like this was something new for us. We'd kissed occasionally since that first time in my dorm, but something about this felt different. Her hands were tucked behind my elbows, pulling me closer, and her lips felt more insistent than usual against mine. One of my own hands curled around her neck of its own accord and I could feel the tiny hairs on her skin rise under the feather light touch of my fingers. She shifted, pressing me even closer with firm hands sliding over my back.

Without any more warning than that, her tongue pushed into my mouth and her fingers pressed eagerly into my skin as her hands moved to my shoulders, pushing me back against the wall with a muffled thump. Our lips moved together perfectly, faster and stronger each time, like they were designed to fit. Her body pressing up against mine was intoxicating and the smell of her perfume mixed with sweat filled my nose. Her hands moved yet again, running up and down the tight fabric of my dress and leaving goosebumps wherever they trailed.

It hit me suddenly through the haze of pleasure; _I'm making out with Brittany_. Properly _making out_ - not just an occasional innocent kiss when no one was about and one of us was feeling a bit down, which I secretly enjoyed more than I should. I was making out with my best friend, and I was totally into it.

Then her lips moved to attack my neck and my thoughts slid away completely as I gasped and my eyes slipped open to glimpse blonde curls. I lifted a hand to run my fingers slowly through her ponytail, eyelids shutting again so I at least had one sense that wasn't completely overwhelmed. An undeniable moan of pleasure escaped my lips when I felt the scrape of her teeth just below my jawbone. Every press of her lips, every lick of her tongue and every scratch of her teeth heightened my senses until I couldn't take it anymore. My whole body was on fire and it felt like I was going to explode. I was breathing unevenly and it was too much, I couldn't handle it. Too much too fast.

"S-stop."

It was almost impossible to say, but she did. She placed one last, excruciatingly tender kiss just below my ear, then she was pulling back to look at me quizzically. I took a deep breath. I couldn't mess this up. This was Brittany. I couldn't allow anything to mess up our friendship, even something that felt so goddamn _good_. My chest heaved and I tried to steady my breathing and forget the feel of Brittany's lips crashing against mine so I could talk reasonably. Without meaning to my tongue slipped out to lick my lips, tasting her lip gloss again and that sent me reeling back into thoughts of kissing her.

I grabbed the collar of her quidditch uniform and pulled her in again, hands wrapping desperately around the back of her neck to bring her as close as possible. She responded immediately, her tongue running across my bottom lip where mine had just been, and I kissed her hard as I tried to sate my newfound appetite. Her hands began wandering again and when I felt her fingers running along the underside of my bra I pulled away to one side, spinning around so I didn't have to face her as I tried to calm myself. _Shit. _It shouldn't be so hard to pull away. _It's just the alcohol. That's what's making me feel like someone's electrocuted all my nerves at once. _I was buzzing, but I knew that behind me Brittany was waiting for some sort of explanation. I'd promised her anything to make her feel better, but I couldn't let this continue without saying _something_.

"I don't want you hurt, Britt," was the first thing I managed to mumble. I took one last breath, and turned to look at her. There were still tear tracks visible on her cheeks but other than that it seemed she had entirely forgotten her sadness. She was breathing heavily as well, but there was a clear smile on her face and her hands were grasping tightly onto the material of her quidditch trousers.

"You're not going to hurt me, though. You make me feel good, your hands feel like they're on fire when you touch me."

"That's… I…"

I struggled for words and ran a hand through my hair, trying to get my thoughts in order. I felt nervous in a way I hadn't in a long time, her words stirring up the doubts I still had sometimes about whether it should really feel so amazing kissing my best friend, a girl. That wasn't how it was meant to be. I was meant to be obsessing over Puck, not Brittany. And I had to have some self-control to stop myself getting totally overwhelmed. There had to be limits, or I'd go crazy. Before, the limits had been no tongue, and keeping our hands to ourselves, but that had been completely ignored tonight and I didn't think I could go back to those rules anyway, not after how this made me feel. So there had to be new rules.

"I need to protect you, Brittany. From… from what people say, not just what they do," I muttered.

"I don't care what people say," she replied immediately.

"That's because I care enough for both of us, to keep us at the top - that's how it's always been, right?" She nodded, not speaking this time. "If this is going to happen again, we have to be careful. No one around, just like before. Clothes on," I added, feeling uncomfortable as I specified the new rule that had never needed mentioning before. "And it can't happen a lot. I've got Puck, remember? And I guess you've got Sam now. They wouldn't understand, okay?"

"Okay, Santana. It's a secret, I get it. But please, can you make me feel good again now? I just want to feel close to you, and… and pretend what happened earlier never happened. Please?"

Cautiously I stepped forward. She held out her little finger and I took it gingerly, taking another step closer. She lifted our little fingers and held them up next to our faces.

"Best friends," she said simply with a smile. Yes. That was what we were, best friends. Nothing more, just best friends who could make each other feel good. I nodded, and leaned up to kiss her again.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks to monochromeheartbeat for helping me out with this chapter, and Yumoto for the Spanish (which approximately translates as 'damned bastard'). <strong>

****Theme song for this chapter: Lightning by The Wanted, add youtube to the start of this: watch?v=2J7xTokwR1M****

**Drawing from this chapter can be found here - laurasfantasia. tumblr post/18759450580/shriekingshack**


	11. PART TWO: The Morning After

And we're onto Part 2! This will cover ten months from February of their 5th year. A good chunk of this chapter is inspired by the Glee girls'_the first time ever I saw your face _song, and I've had it in my head since watching that episode. You should listen to it during the first part :) /watch?v=vKPBb2InkrI

* * *

><p>PART TWO<p>

Chapter 11: The Morning After

_February, Fifth Year_

Her heart was beating perfectly in time with mine. The rhythm transmitted through her chest to pulsate against my hand, never faltering even as I shifted so I could observe her face better. Her skin was so smooth and her cheeks tinted faintly pink. Blonde hair billowed around her head on the pillow and I skated two fingers down one strand, remembering doing the same last night. My fingers continued their journey down to her neck, tenderly tracing the marks I had unintentionally left on her, then down further and across her collarbone, round her shoulder and slowly down the arm resting above the duvet.

In the tranquillity of our Room of Requirement, it was okay to recall everything that had happened last night without worry. Her kisses that were so gentle at first, then more insistent when she realised that I wasn't going to push her away. The touches, that one after the other relieved me of any tension and sought to comfort me further, persuading me in a way that Brittany knew words would never be able to do. The way that she had known to turn off the lights and climb into bed before beginning to unbutton my robes, so my nerves couldn't get the better of me. And then for hours later, her hands guiding mine when I became unsure, kissing me again and again in that way she could do to push away the uncertainty about breaking our rules.

Because the rules didn't matter now. Me and Brittany were best friends, and I'd come to the conclusion at some point last night that nothing we did could ever change that. I was certain of it.

And also because last night had been special. Special like I'd always thought my first time would be, and Brittany's, until that week in our third year when we had both lost our virginity and 'special' had been revealed as little more than a hope-filled lie. But this wasn't a lie; nothing about this could be anything but truth. It was almost like Brittany had found the 'special' we both should have felt back then and somehow made it about last night instead. Two years of resisting the lust that always came when I kissed Brittany, and now I was wishing I'd never made up those new rules after all. If I hadn't, maybe we could have been doing this for the last two years instead of her chasing me when things got too heated and I ran away.

Wanting to apologise in some way for making her wait so long, especially for something that really wasn't that big of a deal now I thought about it, I leaned in to kiss her softly. We both slept with guys regularly, and I'd had this idea in my head that it would somehow be different with Brittany. And I guess yeah, it was kind of different - Puck had _never_ made me feel so good - but of course it didn't mean anything more than when I had got busy with Matt when I was drunk at that party last week. Puck had been kind of mad, but considering he slept with Annalise at New Year's he had no room to talk. I reassured myself that no one needed to know what me and Britt got up to. It was our business. I just had to make sure Brittany understood that.

I continued to place tender kiss all over her face, surprised she hadn't woken up yet. Normally she was awake before me. I tugged at her earlobe with my lips and noticed her mouth twitch. So. She wasn't quite as asleep as she seemed. But if she wanted to play, then I could play. I blew gently into her ear and her head tilted slightly away, confirming my suspicions. My hand moved up her arm to slip under the covers, fingers tactically sliding down the channel between her breasts - at which she twitched again - to lay flat on her stomach. I let my hand rest there for a moment and she stayed far too still for a sleeping person, holding her breath as she waited for my next move. Her lips were slightly parted in anticipation and I longed to kiss them again, but instead, I began to tickle just above her hipbone.

"Aaah!" she shrieked, giving up on her pretence immediately and rolling away from my hand straight off the edge of the bed. She landed with a thump and sat there half-gasping, half-laughing. I giggled - not really a noise I make in front of anyone but Brittany - and rolled as well so I was lying lengthways on the bed, my head sticking over the edge to look down at her recovering on the floor. She'd been doomed in tickle wars since we were six years old and I'd found the one spot that sent her into hysterics every time.

"Not - fair - Santana!" she gasped, arms clutching at her ribs as she tried to catch her breath. For a moment I allowed my eyes to wander over the rest of her body, but when my eyes eventually moved up to her face I found her smirking at me, apparently recovered, and I blushed. Caught again. No different to the eleven year old version of myself eyeing Brittany in the prefects' bathroom, except this time I was sure she didn't mind.

"Well, next time don't pretend to be asleep when I want to get my sweet lady kisses on," I replied, raising an eyebrow at her in an attempt to save face. She grinned wickedly as I spoke and I suddenly wondered if I should have said that. How was it that Brittany was the only person at Hogwarts who could make me doubts my own words _and_ catch me off guard? She crawled closer on her hands and knees, not caring in the least that she wasn't wearing a single item of clothing. I watched silently as she approached, trying to at least keep my eyes on her face and not the rest of her. I wasn't Puck, I had the ability to focus on someone's face instead of their boobs. But they did look so enticing…

Her lips pressed against mine before I'd even realised how close she was and I melted into her as I felt her arms wrap firmly around my shoulders. My hand slid up the bed to reach for her but before I had even touched her she was suddenly pulling on my shoulders with all her weight, sending me tumbling over the edge of the bed to join her on the floor. Rolling over to lie on my back, I gaped up at where she was crouched. She was biting her lip to try and hold in her laughter.

"What was that for?" I demanded, acting playfully aggrieved. I felt suddenly uncomfortable when I realised how exposed I was in front of her and I dropped an arm over my chest and crossed my legs to try and cover myself a little. But she didn't even seem to realise, the way her eyes were raking over my body, taking in everything as if my little protection from her gaze wasn't there at all. The humour that had been visible on her face moments before was being eaten up entirely by desire. My breath hitched in my throat. She didn't answer my question, instead lifting a leg over my waist and leaning forward as she straddled me. The closeness sent me spinning back to last night.

It suddenly became difficult to breathe at all. I couldn't move or look away, my eyes were locked on hers. Now I was the one waiting to see what she would do next, completely at her mercy. She leaned in slowly, brushing my hair carefully away from my face with long, graceful fingers, but this time when we kissed it was deeper than before. My tongue rolled against her lower teeth and she mumbled something unintelligible, pulling back for only a second before she reattached her lips to my neck. And _fuck_, her body pressing down against mine was driving me crazy. I kept my eyes squeezed shut as I felt her starting to kiss her way down my body, her tongue drawing patterns on every bit of skin she could find and her hands dropping down to run over my thighs from my hips to my knees and then back again, every whisper of her fingers producing its own spark.

"Shit," I muttered under my breath, a tremor running through my body when one finger skated a little further down my leg than the rest. I curled my toes into the blue carpet and one hand grasped the duvet hanging off the bed when her mouth reached my belly button, trying to hold in every tingle of pleasure she produced in anticipation of what was to come. Her lips brushed the inside of my thigh and I felt my knee jerk upwards, knocking against Brittany's leg.

"We'd be so great together, Santana," she whispered against my thigh. I heard, though. I heard what she said and all the implications behind it, and all the heat that had been rising in my body transformed into a deathly chill.

"Stop." My voice sounded hollow in my ears and I slid hastily away from her on my back, pulling my legs out from underneath her and sitting up and turning so she couldn't see me. My body was still throbbing from her touch but I couldn't carry on when she said something like that.

"W-what? Santana, you can't-"

"_You_ can't say stuff like that!" I protested loudly. I curled into the side of the duvet, grabbing a corner and wrapping it over my shoulders to cover myself. Everything had been going so well, why did she have to ruin it by saying shit like that? "You have a boyfriend! You think Mike would be okay with us… _dating_?" I hissed the last word as quietly as possible even though there was no one else around. It stung my tongue, just having to say it aloud. Had she seriously not heard everything I'd been saying over the past two years, between making out in empty classrooms and secret passages?

"What? I didn't say we should date, Santana, I was just saying that if we were we'd be great!"

"But we can't, we're girls. We're just best friends," I told her firmly.

"I _know, _Santana. It was hypocritical."

"Hypothe-"

"I know it's not the right word, I don't care!" Brittany snapped. In the corner of my vision I saw her moving and I averted my eyes. Robes flew across the room and landed in my lap, and I took the hint to quickly find the rest of my clothes and dress quietly. How had everything gone so wrong so quickly? Earlier this morning, when I had woken up to Brittany with memories of last night, it had felt perfect. Finally I dared to look up, and found her watching me fully-clothed with a conflicted expression, leaning against the old chest of drawers that still had photos of me and Tony on top. The room had changed a lot since I had first summoned it, but hints of Tony remained everywhere I looked and gave me comfort. I breathed in his presence that was somehow still here five years later, calming myself before speaking.

"I'm sorry, Brittany."

"I just wanted to make you feel good like last night!" she replied sharply, obviously still upset by my sudden rejection of her advances. "I didn't mean anything, I didn't say we should date, that was _you_ who said that! I know we're best friends, you don't have to remind me every time I say something like that. It's just sex, like it was just making out before. Right?"

Maybe I'd got a bit ahead of myself assuming she didn't understand.

"Right. Sorry," I replied quietly.

She turned away, hunting for her bag, and I couldn't leave it like that.

"Wait, Britt, wait," I said, stepping forward to gently take her arm and turn her. Her lips were pressed together, and I knew she was trying to hold in whatever she was feeling. "It…" I should have thought of what I was going to say before getting her attention. "Just… just because it's only between us, and we're best friends, it doesn't…" I hesitated again, not sure I wanted to admit this. "Doesn't mean it was nothing. It felt good, it was…" _Special. _I fought with myself to say it, to admit it aloud. God, I hated talking about this. But she was watching me, looking less upset as she listened. _Fuck it. _"It was special, like first times are supposed to be. Even between best friends," I couldn't resist adding. She was smiling now though, almost in disbelief, and didn't seem to care that I'd added a disclaimer.

"It was?"

I couldn't deny the happiness I'd felt waking up this morning. I nodded. Maybe we didn't have a conventional friendship, but that was okay, because when me and Britt were alone what other people thought didn't matter.

"Of course. We're special, aren't we? This place is special, made just for us," I pointed out, gesturing around at the Room of Requirement that had adapted to all our needs over the years. "That makes last night special. It's _our_ secret. Just ours."

Brittany beamed at me.

* * *

><p>We entered the Great Hall together with our little fingers linked and all thoughts of our earlier argument gone. I was dressed in my quidditch uniform while Brittany was garbed in florescent green that she somehow managed to pull off. Mike and Puck were already deep in antagonistic discussion about the day's quidditch match, but both were satisfactorily distracted when we arrived together and sat in between them. Mike gave Brittany a sweet little kiss on the cheek while Puck sent me a wink - we both knew I wouldn't appreciate any attempt of his to be romantic. We told people we were dating for convenience, but there weren't any gifts of roses or moonlit walks involved. He bought me dinner, and we fucked. That was our deal. It was easy, and neither of us got too attached. Sometimes it stopped, like when Puck had gone crazy after that Lauren bitch - I swear she must have slipped him a love potion - but he always came back to me at the end. We kept each other secure in our positions at the top of the school's social ladder, and that plus a regular hook-up session was all either of us needed. It was supremely uncomplicated.<p>

"Ready to beat those Ravenclaws into the ground, Lopez?"

"Am I ever not ready to beat Ravenclaws?" I replied, reaching for an orange and starting to peel it.

"Brittany, is there any chance that one day you'll support me in a match instead of Santana?" I heard Mike ask jokingly. She laughed, leaning into him.

"Mike, you know Santana wouldn't let me be seen in anything other than green. Anyway, blue just doesn't suit my skin, it makes me look like a fish!"

I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing. I loved it when Brittany made comments like that on purpose. She said similar things without realising often enough, but I could hear the change in her voice when she was doing it intentionally. Her elbow dug into my ribs as if she knew I could tell, and I kept my mouth shut obediently. I nodded at whatever Puck was saying as I looked across at her flirting with Mike. He was loving the attention just like always - who wouldn't? - but I bet he didn't notice the little things. The way her fingers drummed against the table in excitement for the upcoming match. The way her eyes widened slightly and her speech rushed when she thought of something else to say and wanted to get it all out before she forgot. He definitely didn't see the marks I had left on her last night, now completely concealed by the spell I had learnt within two weeks of first starting to date Puck. I could picture them now. I had memorised every last one when I had been watching her this morning.

My thoughts were interrupted by a whiny voice almost as irritating as Berry's, and a magically-enhanced microphone shoved into my face.

"Santana Lopez, is it true the Slytherin quidditch team has been hexing broomsticks this season in an attempt to prevent another year of Hufflepuff victory?"

I knocked the microphone out of my face quickly, glaring at the nervous-looking Jacob hovering across the table.

"_When_ we beat Hufflepuff in the cup final, it will be by knocking them squarely out of the sky, not by doing something that Professor Beiste is going to spot in a heartbeat, idiot. Go bother someone else."

He obeyed immediately, turning to Puck instead.

"How has your break-up with Lauren Zizes affected your quidditch performance? Rumour has it you will be pining for her in the stands rather than paying attention to the game."

"Why would I be pining when I've got the hottest girl in school at my right side?" Puck asked with a raised eyebrow, turning to kiss me full-on. I didn't protest; showing off was what we did best together. I brought my hand up to his neck, purposely scraping with one fingernail so that when he pulled away a scratch remained, marking my territory right in front of the school's worst gossip. Perfect.

* * *

><p>"Puckerman blocks the quaffle! That's another opportunity missed for Ravenclaw and the score remains at 80-40 to Slytherin!"<p>

I caught the quaffle easily as it fell into my hands from Puck and did a swift 180 to speed in the opposite direction towards the waiting three hoops, dropping down when I felt the distinctive roar of an approaching bludger which zoomed straight over my head.

"Karofsky, Azimio, get your act together!" I screamed to the wind as I continued towards my target. Another bludger came from nowhere and I dived desperately to avoid being hit, but the quaffle slipped from my fingers into the hands of Quinn hovering just beneath. She did the mirror image of my previous 180, and made her way straight back towards Puck. I swore under my breath, recovering myself as I twisted my broom to chase her.

"And the quaffle goes to Rutherford, and to Fuller, now back to Fabray – and it's a goal for Ravenclaw! 80-50!"

I punched the air in frustration, wondering what the fuck Karofsky and Azimio were playing at letting those bludgers get so close. A familiar voice caught my attention and I turned my head to find Brittany just a short distance away in the stands, shouting encouragement at the top of her voice. I grinned at her, but then a much more urgent voice sounded from behind me.

"Lopez, mark Chang!"

"What?" I replied, bewildered. Mark Mike? I was a chaser!

"Just do it!" Jason bellowed as he streaked past me with Mike following a moment later. I realised what was going on and sped after them, grateful papá had bought me the latest broom earlier this year. Mike was a great seeker, but I had the edge on him with speed. I inched closer with every second even as he gained on Jason and the three of us soared far above the pitch into the thick clouds. I was so close… Without warning, an image of him kissing Brittany on the cheek this morning appeared in my head and I lost all patience. I lashed out with one gloved hand, grabbing the end of his broom and yanking on it as hard as I could. He spun to the left out of control, his broom rolling. He yelled in panic, but - fortunately for Brittany - he managed to stay on. It was too late, though, with Jason diving back down to the pitch with that fluttering ball of gold firmly in his hand.

"You cheat!" Mike shouted, flying towards me now he was back in control of his broom. "I had that snitch until you grabbed my broom! Professor Beiste won't just let you win after a foul like that!"

"Look around, Mikey. Clouds. Everywhere. Professor Beiste didn't see a thing and there's no way you can prove it. Deal," I retorted. Normally I quite liked Mike, but today for some reason - I guessed it must be the quidditch frenzy - I had the desire to irritate him as much as I possibly could. I circled down to join my cheering teammates before he could respond. Brittany was already running across the pitch and the moment I landed she jumped on me, tackling me to the ground. I laughed victoriously, hugging her back as Mike landed a few metres away, glaring at me menacingly but not daring to say anything in front of Brittany. He knew she would take my side. I smirked at him as Jason's booming voice called across the pitch.

"Party in the common room tonight, Slytherin supporters welcome!"

It was going to be a good night.


	12. Victory Haze

**Chapter 12: Victory Haze**

_February, Fifth Year_

The Slytherin common room was packed. Muffliato charms had been placed all over the walls to stop the thumping bass escaping to alert any passing professors. The whole school knew what was going on in the dungeons, except perhaps Professor Figgins, but it was generally accepted that as long as post-quidditch parties didn't disturb the rest of Hogwarts they would be tolerated.

Brittany hung onto my arm as I pulled us through the crowd towards the secret stash of alcohol kept hidden behind the fireplace for occasions such as this - an aspect of post-quidditch parties that the professors were less aware of. Jason, as one of the seventh years who helped acquire said drinks on a regular basis, was standing right next to it being congratulated on his catch of the snitch. He saw me and grinned, beckoning us over and reaching into the hidden cabinet to draw out a bottle of firewhiskey.

"Nice play earlier, Lopez. Maybe you should have been a beater after all," he commented with a smirk. I popped off the bottle top and took a healthy swig, ignoring the burn in my throat, then handed it on to Brittany to smirk back at him.

"Anyone would be better than those two lummoxes. I almost got knocked off my broom twice 'cause they weren't paying attention," I replied, rolling my eyes when I noticed Azimio scowling in my direction. "Yeah that's right, I'm talking about you! Get over yourself, you were shit!" I called across to him.

He shouted something back but I was suddenly distracted by the feel of Brittany's hand, already on my waist, pushing up my shirt a little to trace across my hipbone with her finger. I took back the bottle from her and had another long drink. Hooking up with her alone is just fine, but I couldn't let anyone else realise just how much of an effect she had on me. And what an effect she was having… just two fingers on my skin and I could already feel myself getting too hot. I gulped the firewhiskey down, but considering its name it really wasn't helping me cool off.

"Steady on Lopez, leave some for the rest of us," Jason laughed, yanking the bottle out of my hand and spilling some down my shirt in the process. I glared at him, trying to brush it off, and he just shrugged with an annoying grin. He knew that as long as he was my quidditch captain he was one of the few people I wouldn't dare hex, and he took full advantage of that. I reached for Brittany's hand that was still on my hip, pulling her away with it. I sent him one last fierce stare and headed towards the stairs to the girls' dorms as the chilled liquid began to soak through to my skin. It was difficult getting through the crowd, people kept stopping me to try and talk even when I scowled at them as much as I could. Time started to feel fuzzy - it felt like I'd only just left Jason, but when I looked at the clock when we finally reached the stairs it said that a whole twenty minutes had passed.

"Why'd Jason think you should be a beater?" Brittany asked as we climbed the stairs. She still sounded sober, but all that firewhisky had start affecting me a lot quicker than it normally did and my head was buzzing and I tripped when I turned to look at her. She giggled as she stared down at me lying on the stairs, and I started laughing too. I wasn't really sure why I was laughing, but it seemed like something about was funny. And then it wasn't funny, because she was so close and all I could think about was how I wanted to pull her down and kiss her as hard as I could. But her arm looped around my shoulders and she lifted me to my feet before her face could come close enough.

"Come on, just one more floor," she encouraged. I grumbled something about teasing but followed, really only because it meant I got to lean into her really close. I wrapped my arms around her, yearning for more of her skin against mine. Except she was wearing a dress, which meant the only way to touch more skin would be to put my hands up the skirt or down her bra. Someone brushed past me, and I realised exactly where we were, and that I couldn't do that. I'd just have to wait until we were alone in my dorm, I decided.

"Britt-Britt… Britt… we're here, see!" I exclaimed, surprised to see my dorm door right in front of me. She was already pushing it open and helping me through. It wasn't empty, though - sitting all prim and proper on her bed was Rachel Berry, reading a book. "Berry you're so boring," I told her when she looked up. "There's a party going on downstairs, a _party_! And you're all… just… _reading!_"

I didn't understand her. And I wanted to be alone with my Brittany but I couldn't with her there. Finding a glass of water pushed into my hand I quickly gulped it down.

"You should come downstairs, Rachel," Brittany said with a smile as she sat me down on my bed and unzipped my stained quidditch vest. Good, she had the same idea as me. I dropped the empty cup on the floor and watched with interest as it rolled under my bed. "It's fun, we play games and you'll meet new people. Finn's down there, you'd like Finn."

"Finn… the Hufflepuff keeper? I don't think he'd like me very much."

"Sure he would!" Brittany replied encouragingly, pulling my t-shirt over my head and leaving me in my bra. She needed to slow down, it would look weird if she just left me undressed until Berry left. I reached out blindly for one of her hands, clutching it between mine to try and tell her without speaking. "Finn's always singing to himself, and you're always singing, so you'd have something to talk about! Come on, you should come down!"

Gently she extracted her hand from between mine and moved to my chest of drawers to take out another top, this one more appropriate for a party than my quidditch uniform. But then she pushed it over my head. What was she doing, dressing me again?

"Um… okay, I guess I could come down for a little bit," Berry agreed, putting her book away and getting up from her bed.

"That's great!" Brittany exclaimed, pulling me to my feet again and towards the door.

"But… _Britt-Britt_," I objected. She turned to look at me, surprised. I sidled a little closer, aware of Berry waiting at the door. "Can't we stay up here for a bit? Just you and me? I want…" I hesitated. I couldn't admit what I wanted. Not even when I was drunk, and especially not in front of Berry. "I want a pepper-up potion so I don't get a hangover. Please?" I asked, hoping she'd realise what I was really asking. Out of Berry's line of vision I ran a hand slowly over her stomach, tugging at the fabric of her dress.

"I… I don't think that's a good idea when you're like this, Santana. You… it…" She struggled to answer without giving away my true meaning, but Berry interrupted.

"Brittany's right, it has been proved that pepper-up potions actually make hangovers worse if taken with alcohol. Of course, the perfect solution for not having a hangover is to not drink at all, which is what I intend to do despite my attendance at this-"

"Shuddup Berry," I growled. I could feel tears threatening and I forced them away. I hated how emotional I got when I was drunk! It was ridiculous, I shouldn't feel like crying about this! I walked past Brittany _almost_ in a straight line and scowled at Berry, daring her to say anything. I pushed the door open, stumbling a little against it, and turned my head to look back into the room. "C'mon Britt, yous gots some catching up to do."

I made sure to smile at her as I leaned against the door, beckoning her with one finger and not bothering to acknowledge the hobbit any longer. If she wanted to come join in then fine, but she wasn't getting between me and Brittany. Brittany wrapped her arm around my waist again and I leaned into her, turning us. I could hear the irritating buzz of Berry's voice but I paid no attention as we meandered back down the stairs.

"Santana, there you are!" someone shouted as we re-entered the common room. I peered around to see Puck lumbering towards us, and I couldn't help but shrink back a little into Brittany. I didn't want him around, I wanted to be with Brittany. "What's with the dwarf?" he asked, nodding behind us to Berry.

"I'm going to introduce her to Finn! I think they'd get along well, don't you?" Brittany replied happily.

Puck started laughing, and I scowled. Why was he laughing? He didn't have the right to laugh at Brittany.

"Oi, don't laugh at Britt!" I objected. I tried to kick him, but I lost my balance and just fell back further into Brittany. Her arms around me kept me standing and it felt so good leaning back into her, but then I noticed Karofsky watching us and I quickly straightened.

"I wasn't laughing at Britt, that's just… that's brilliant!" Puck wheezed.

He dropped an arm around my shoulders and I couldn't protest. We were meant to be dating after all, even if that didn't really amount to much. I knew Brittany was following anyway, and I twisted my head to see her better. She'd found another bottle of firewhiskey and was trying to persuade Berry to drink some as she dragged her along. If I hadn't been jealous I might have laughed. _Wait, jealous, what? Ugh, Santana, you're drunker than you thought. Get a grip. _I reached up to angle Puck's chin towards me and pushed my lips firmly against his. He paused, willingly complying and I pressed my body against him. Someone whistled and I could still hear Brittany chattering away, but I tried to block out everything and pretend it was just me and Puck.

I didn't even realise I was tilting until suddenly Puck broke off our make-out session to catch me when I lost my balance. I blinked in confusion, staring up at him and around when I heard laughter.

"As smokin' hot as you are Santana, there's no way we're making out now. Remember the last time you were drunk?" Puck teased, pulling me back to my feet and twisting me around to push me towards the sofas near the fire. I giggled when I remembered his reaction when I started crying then threw up on him last week, even though it had felt horrid at the time. I noticed Brittany and surged forward to slide in next to her on the sofa. I knew I was grinning maniacally but I couldn't help it - and she was smiling back. Opposite, Berry was delicately sipping a bottle of something and talking to Finn, who was swaying back and forth to the music without even realising it. Losers.

"So Brittany, what were those games you said we could play? As a child I was always excellent at musical bumps, and I happen to have a rather strategic mind that gives me a good edge when playing wizarding chess."

I snorted, snuggling into Brittany as I watched Berry, letting her know that just because Britt decided to be nice to her they weren't friends. She wasn't going to take Brittany away - not that she stood a chance anyway, compared to me. I still had to make sure she knew that, though.

"Flip cup is fun, except Puck always cheats by magicking Santana's cup to constantly refill so he can get her drunk."

"Hey, whoa, I'm not going there again!" Puck protested. I turned towards the direction his voice was coming from and saw him sitting next to me. "I'm not dealing with that mess tonight."

I nudged him with my foot but couldn't be bothered to argue. I was comfy curled into Britt.

"And… I guess there's spin the bottle," Brittany added, "but we haven't played that in _ages_."

"Spin the bottle! I've never played that, is it fun?"

I rolled my eyes, about to interject that we hadn't played in ages because it was a child's game, but then Finn spoke up.

"We should totally play! You've got to play spin the bottle at least once in your life," he enthused, sounding eager even through my drunken haze.

"You matchmaker," I hissed in Brittany's ear. It was a bit loud for a hiss though I think, because Berry and Finn suddenly turned to look at me. I sighed. "Ugh, fine, spin the bottle it is. Chug it, Berry," I ordered. She still had almost the entire bottle left, but the only way this was going to be fun was to have her drunk. She gulped, but obediently started drinking under my glare. "That's not chugging, seriously Berry, do it properly," I snapped. She started drinking a little faster, but she was still taking breaths every few seconds. "Ugh, give it here," I finally said, losing my patience and holding out a hand. I wasn't going to move away from Brittany, she needed to come to me. Lucky for her, she did so before I had to start yelling - she mostly just looked grateful to not have to drink the rest of it. But when the bottle neared someone else reached out to take it instead with pale, slender fingers. I turned to Brittany confused, and she smiled.

"I don't want you feeling ill again, Santana. I can drink this," she told me, tilting her head back and downing the rest of the bottle in a matter of seconds. I stared as she lowered the bottle and a drip of liquid moved slowly down her lower lip and onto her chin. She brushed it away, and I brought myself back to reality with a shake of my head.

"And that, Berry, is how you down a drink. Finnocence, you were so keen on the idea, you go first," I decided as Brittany dropped the bottle onto the floor in the middle of the crooked circle we had formed. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that there a few others had joined us - that weird Gryffindor kid Kurt, Sarah from my dorm and Karofsky and Azimio.

Finn reached out to begin the first spin, and I laughed aloud into Britt's shoulder when it landed on Berry straight away. I felt something prod my leg and looked down to see her tucking her wand back into her sleeve. She gave me a conspiratorial wink when I looked back up at her face, and I shook my head and turned to see the action. Not that it was action. Their lips barely even touched. Berry's eyes were wide and Finn looked scared he was going to knock her over. Britt was trying so hard, the least they could do was have a proper kiss for all her work. When Rachel spun the bottle again and it landed on Karofsky, he was hardly any better. It was like he didn't even want to kiss her - although then I remembered exactly who he was kissing and it made sense. I sure as hell wouldn't want to kiss Berry.

I closed my eyes as he spun the bottle again, nestling my head against Britt's shoulder. I felt her shift and opened my eyes to complain when I saw Karofsky leaning in. Beside him was the bottle on the floor, pointing straight in Brittany's direction. I tensed, succeeding in catching his eye and sending him the most threatening glare I could produce. He hesitated, and when he leaned forward again he gave her an even smaller kiss than he'd given Berry. It still burned inside though, especially when Brittany tried to follow his lips when he pulled away. It wasn't right, Brittany shouldn't have to kiss that lump of a quidditch player, and she definitely shouldn't be trying to get more! Why would she even want to?

"Santana, you're hurting my arm," she whispered, and I realised my nails were digging into her skin. Some of the other people in the circle were staring at me and I quickly released her, reminding myself that things weren't any different to what they had been before last night. Sex is just sex, and I'm always protective of Brittany. Even if we hadn't had sex last night I still wouldn't want her forced to kiss Karofsky under any circumstances.

But then I realised the bottle was spinning and I couldn't let her kiss anyone else in this circle. I mean, Mike wouldn't like it, right? I probably owed him after my earlier quidditch foul. I dug into my pocket for my wand, and remembering I needed to keep it out of sight I pressed it against my leg. I fumbled to remember the spell that would let me control the bottle that was already slowing down in its spinning, then concentrated as best I could on controlling it non-verbally, trying desperately to direct it towards me. It was coming closer, and closer, but then Brittany sat back next to me and the feel of her thigh pressed against mine distracted me. The bottle head swivelled past me and came to a stop at Puck. _Puck? _Of all the people it could land on, it had to be _him_?

He was chuckling and already leaning over. I tried to give him the same glare I had sent at Karofsky, but that just made him laugh more.

"Don't worry Santana, I'm not gonna leave you for Brittany," he grinned, not even pausing before pulling a giggling Brittany to him. "Come on Britt, let's show these losers how it's done."

Then they were kissing - not just kissing, practically making out - right in front of me, and the nausea I'd been fighting for some time now came rushing back up to my throat. My clenched fists pressed into the sofa as I fought to contain myself. This shouldn't be happening! Brittany was my best friend, and yeah last night hadn't meant anything properly but barely eighteen hours later she was sucking face with _my _boyfriend!

"Ugh, that's enough you two," I groaned aloud, grabbing Puck's shoulder and shoving him away. I had the right to do that, I was his girlfriend.

Brittany sat back happily but Puck just reattached his lips to my neck, muttering something I couldn't quite make out but which sounded obscene. I twisted my head away without thinking about how it would look and pushed him back again. His touch was making me feel even more nauseous than before and I leaned into Brittany, trying to get away. She was looking at me like she knew something was wrong but didn't understand what, and I quickly turned away so I didn't have to look at her face.

"Spin the damn bottle," I snapped. Brittany's fingers running through my hair helped to calm me a bit but I continued to glare at him. I knew through the haze of alcohol that I should be upset about him kissing Sarah as well so I made a point to scowl at her, but it didn't make me feel sick like watching Brittany kiss him had. In fact, with Brittany's hand massaging my shoulder and the other still nestled in my hair, the nausea was rapidly fading.

Sarah kissed Azimio, and then to my annoyance the bottle landed on me. Azimio looked half-excited, half-cautious - good, my reputation preceded me. I'd prefer more fear, but cautious would have to do. I beckoned him over - I wasn't going to move again - and he shuffled over eagerly. I grabbed him by his collar and yanked him forward, nails digging into his neck as I kissed him. I bit down on his lower lip far harder than I would normally have done, even with Puck. I could feel him wincing but I didn't let up until I felt him try to stick his tongue in my mouth, then I shoved him back. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, shaking his head and muttering something I didn't want to hear to Puck.

I reached out with my foot to kick the bottle, sending it into a lazy spin that barely lasted one rotation before coming to rest with the head pointing straight at Brittany. Puck and Azimio cheered loudly and Karofsky joined in a moment later, and the nausea was back. I hadn't thought this through when I'd tried to get her spinning bottle to land on me before. I'd been kissing Brittany for the past five years, but _never_ in front of someone else. That was one of the few rules that had remained in place right from the start - what we did was between us and no one else needed to know. But Brittany was already turning to face me and a crowd had gathered to watch and if I refused it would look strange. So I turned to her on my knees and leaned in.

The moment her soft lips grazed against mine the nausea disappeared, as did everything else. The cheering and music and shouts faded, and it was just me and Brittany like it always was. Her hand curled around my neck and I could feel my pulse beating faster than usual against her palm as I leaned in further, wanting more and pressing her into the back of the sofa, my fingers tilting her chin up slightly. Her tongue flicked against mine and it felt like the room was getting hot, but then a particularly loud cry broke through the barrier of sound that had formed around us. I jerked back and became aware of the catcalls and wolf-whistles surrounding us. I sank back against the sofa, gathering myself enough to send a withering glance in the boys' direction, but inside I was dizzy with confusion. Puck had to be doing something wrong, because he could never make me feel so good when we kissed. Even kissing Brittany with all these people around, worried what they might think, it still felt better than the best time with Puck. And they hadn't made any accusations about how best friends weren't supposed to kiss each other. They'd loved it.

I realised too late that Brittany was spinning the bottle again, but to my relief it landed on Kurt, who barely noticed because he was too busy watching Finn. Kurt was gay, everyone in the school knew it. Why he'd allowed that knowledge to get around this whole gossiping mess of a school I couldn't understand, but he seemed to deal with it mostly okay. And he wouldn't get funny about kissing Brittany. Well, he might, but it would be out of awkwardness rather than being turned on. Even though I was testament to the fact that liking boys didn't mean you were immune to Brittany's hotness.

He looked so awkward that I had to bite my lip to stop myself laughing at his expression when Brittany kissed him. It was a relief after Puck. Barely a second passed before he was pulling away, his face bright red and reaching to spin the bottle again immediately. I noticed his eyes turn to look at Finn and I smirked, but then the bottle head slowed to land on Karofsky instead. There was silence, then Kurt shuffled forward a little, looking even more nervous than he had before. Karofsky was frozen, but the moment I saw his face I knew there was going to be trouble.

"Fuck this! I'm not playing this with _fags_!" Karofsky spat, jumping to his feet and kicking the bottle hard. It flew into the air and crashed against the wall behind Finn. "This game's ridiculous, if anything's gonna create homos it's this kind of fucking thing!"

"I don't think that's really fair for you to decide, after all Santana and Brittany and Kurt all kissed people-"

"Can it, Berry!" I demanded.

My chest was tight, but it was different to the nausea I had felt before. I didn't need her reminding anyone that Brittany and I had kissed after Karofsky's outburst. I felt suddenly sober, and my eyes were on Karofsky as he and Azimio started ranting about the rampant gayness that was apparently running around Hogwarts and a few of the other guys joined in.

"Game's over, it was getting boring anyway," I declared. Hummel!"

Kurt's eyes snapped to me immediately. He was still frozen in the middle of the former circle, wide eyes betraying his otherwise emotionless expression. Behind him, Karofsky was sending him increasingly threatening glances.

"Find Brittany a drink from somewhere, she's way too sober for this time of night," I ordered. His face began to turn back to Karofsky and Azimio, so I shouted. "Now!"

He jumped up, hurrying away to hunt out the alcohol stash that had been relocated at some point in the last hour. With him out of sight, Karofsky began to calm, but I still didn't feel right. I wasn't drunk anymore - a bit tipsy yes, but nothing like earlier. Instead, it felt like a giant bezoar stone had been lodged into my lungs, making it difficult to breathe and think clearly.

"Are you okay?" Brittany murmured into my ear. Her hands had resumed running through my hair and I quickly moved away.

"Fine. Why wouldn't I be?" I replied woodenly.

It took Kurt ten whole minutes to return with a bottle of something, but when I realised he had come back only moments after Karofsky and Azimio slouched off somewhere else I didn't comment. I didn't bother drinking either, just handing the bottle straight to Brittany. Now I was feeling more sober, I was thinking back on the events of the night with the bezoar stone just growing and growing. Propositioning Brittany in the girls' dorm, with Berry there. Hanging all over Brittany in front of everyone, and snuggling up to her on the sofa. Kissing her and forgetting every other person in the room until they got too loud. I closed my eyes, trying to convince myself that no one actually minded from their reaction to our kiss, but my mind was spinning and I couldn't think straight because it was too late to be realising all of this now because everyone had already seen-

"You're looking a lot more sober now, time to find some privacy?" Puck murmured into my ear, making me jump. His hand slid over to rest on my thigh.

I turned my head away, trying to move away from him without it being too noticeable.

"I'm not gonna leave Brittany alone here, Puck," I answered him quietly, trying to calm my beating heart.

"She wouldn't have to be alone. She could come with us, you two seemed to be pretty into it earlier," Puck replied. I twisted my head quickly to face him and he smirked, wiggling his eyebrows. I jumped to my feet, rage and fear coursing through me all at once.

"Don't start getting ideas, Puckerman. You don't touch Brittany again, got it?" I told him. I realised people were listening in, and the fear started to overtake the rage. I had to make sure they understood what I meant. "You're mine, and I'm not gonna share you with anyone just 'cause you got a bit horny seeing two girls make out as part of some stupid game. You're mine - not Britt's, not fucking _Annalise's_," I added scathingly, staring fiercely across at the sixth year sitting a few metres away at one of the tables. "Sort yourself out and come back when you have the ability to talk to me without drooling," I said, kicking his shin sharply. The moment he stood I dropped back into my place next to Brittany, glaring up at him. He looked confused, but he'd got the message and walked away without another word.

"Santana… it's okay, I don't want Puck. I've got Mike," Brittany told me seriously. The reminder didn't improve my mood.

I nodded anyway, shuffling over a bit so I was leaning against the opposite armrest, my legs stretched out next to hers. Her toes nudged against me, running up and down my calf. It was exactly like she had done last night. I met her eyes and she was smiling that closed-mouth smile I loved so much, the smile only I saw, and I knew she was thinking the same. I smiled back; it was impossible not to. I remembered waking up this morning feeling more rested than I could remember waking up in years, even though we'd been up half the night. I remembered the happiness at seeing her wake next to me, even as she pretended to sleep. I wanted that again. And she wanted it too; she was still smiling at me, her eyes never leaving mine.

"I think it's a bit loud in here to get any sleep tonight, don't you Britt?" I asked. I didn't even have to make an effort to come up with an excuse; it formed on my lips without thinking. "Your dorm tonight?"

She nodded immediately and I smiled wider, swinging my feet off the sofa and standing. I felt a bit dizzy this time, reminding me just how much firewhiskey I'd downed earlier, but Brittany was immediately at my side, steadying me. We headed to the exit together, not bothering to say goodbye to anyone else, and the moment the door shut behind us her hand slipped into mine and she grinned excitedly at me.

"We're not really going to my dorm, are we?"

I shook my head with a matching grin and we began to hurry down the dungeon corridor. Thoughts of earlier came back - how much I'd wanted her in my dorm, and the kiss on the sofa – but they didn't feel bad now we were alone. I shivered a little at the memories and she squeezed my hand tighter. We were just passing the corridor that led to the Hufflepuff common room when an all too familiar voice called out. Brittany paused, stopping me from hurrying ahead.

"Was that Mike?"

Sure enough, before I could tell her I hadn't heard anything, the Ravenclaw seeker appeared in front of us. I pulled my hand out of Brittany's.

"Brittany, I've been waiting for you for ages!"

"Sorry Mikey, we've been having fun at the winners' party. Brittany knows how to pick the right team to support," I told him before she could get a word in.

He glared at me and I knew he was still angry about earlier.

"Brittany, I made us dinner. I even got permission for you to come to the Prefects' Bathroom with me," he added. I rolled my eyes. He really thought that was something special, when we'd been blackmailing prefects and sneaking in there since first year?

"Remember your promise, Brittany? That if I really wanted to spend time with you without Santana interfering then I could? Well I want that now."

My smugness disappeared and I turned to look at Brittany. She'd made that promise? One glimpse of her face confirmed that she had. I gulped away the lump in my throat.

"Sure Britt, go ahead. Enjoy it while it lasts, no one likes a loser," I added, directing the last part at Mike as I took a step back away from them both. Brittany looked at me one last time them hurried over to join her boyfriend. I heard her whisper as they turned and he wrapped an arm around her.

"You said you wouldn't tell her! She's gonna feel bad now!"

He looked back and winked at me, and as subtle as it might be he'd got his revenge for quidditch. Why would she do that? Why would she make that kind of promise? Well, if she was getting some tonight then I certainly wasn't going to miss out. I turned to march back towards the common room, intent on finding one Noah Puckerman.

* * *

><p><strong>Regarding Brittany's promise to Mike: I see it as something he came up with and got Britt to agree to after one time Santana was being particularly irritating, on the condition that she didn't find out about it because Brittany knew it would hurt her feelings. It's not massively important except for the fact that Mike knew it would hurt Santana and he was still mad about earlier.<strong>


	13. Hangover

**Chapter 13: Hangover**

_February, Fifth Year_

There was a weight on my upper back. I tried to roll away from it and it slipped further down, sliding against my bare skin. I moved my head and felt dizzy, and my stomach was cramping like crazy as my liver complained about what I had subjected it to last night. I wanted to bury my face into a pillow and hide in the bleakness of sleep, but the weight on my back was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. Slowly I opened my eyes, squinting against even the dim light, only to find Puck's face right in front of me. I pulled away instantly, doing my best not to pull on the covers so I wouldn't disturb him, and his arm fell off my back onto the mattress.

Why had I fallen asleep here? Normally after fucking Puck I come up with any excuse to get away so I don't have to spend the night, because even if I haven't been drinking, I always feel like shit the following morning waking up next to him. I figure it's because of that lingering sweat smell on him that always seems to makes me nauseous and multiplies overnight. It's disgusting.

Thinking back, I recalled the unusual post-sex conversation when he had somehow persuaded me to stay and talk because I was his girlfriend and apparently we're supposed to talk sometimes. I wondered where he'd got these sudden ideas from - he'd always been happy with our arrangement before. But I'd obliged him for a short while, until I realised that the only way to get him to shut up was to pretend to fall asleep. But by the time he was snoring, he'd wrapped his arm firmly around me and there was no way of escaping without waking him again, which most likely would have prompted more heartfelt discussion considering his mood last night. Maybe I'd affected him more than I thought when I'd yelled at him about not touching Brittany because he was mine.

I reached a hand outside of his curtains to find my wand on his bedside table right where I normally left it for easy locating after sex. A summoning charm piled my clothes in front of me on the bed and I quickly dressed, being careful not to move about too much. As soon as I was presentable I slipped out from behind the green curtains, grateful that none of the other Slytherin boys were up as I hurried out of the door and down the stairs. My head was still pounding and I felt like I might be sick at any moment, and the only thing I wanted at that moment was to curl up next to Brittany and sleep off my hangover. Thank god Mike was too much of a goody two shoes to risk spending the night with Brittany because I could not deal with him right now. I wanted to find out from Britt what he'd meant last night, even though I wasn't sure I'd like the answer. But apart from that, I swear I always recover quicker from drinking when I'm sleeping next to her.

I stumbled down the last steps into the common room to view the chaotic remnants of last night. The bottles had been hidden at least, but food and quidditch paraphernalia were scattered everywhere and the portrait of Salazar Slytherin was looking a lot grimier than usual. He was scowling and attempting to organise some servants from next door into cleaning his picture from the inside, as he muttered to himself about how this kind of thing never would have happened when he was alive. A few people were sleeping on the sofas and floor, but none of them stirred as I moved through the room and outside. The corridor was dimly lit and there was no sign of any professors - it was probably too early even for them, I didn't think the sun had risen yet.

I walked the familiar path between the Slytherin and Hufflepuff common rooms and tapped the barrels in the rhythm that had been ingrained into my mind for years now. Compared to the room I had just left, the Hufflepuff common room was immaculate and there were already a few older students awake and studying. I could feel the judgement in their gaze when I appeared from the passageway, and I pictured myself from their eyes; exhausted, probably pale, my clothes mismatched and stinking of alcohol, and my hair not even tied up in my characteristic ponytail. I stuck my chin high in the air, sending a glare at the sixth year prefect who was rolling his eyes and marched past them all towards Britt's dorm. Who were they to judge me? I didn't care what a bunch of suck-up Hufflepuffs thought.

The moment I opened the dormitory door my eyes fell on Brittany's blonde hair poking out from beneath her patchwork quilt. I was slipping out of my shoes before I was even halfway across the room, my previously slow pace speeding up. I ignored the lurch of my stomach as I stumbled over to her bed and pulled the quilt aside to slide in, squeezing my eyes shut and snuggling up against her back with one arm wrapping securely around her waist. She shifted, turning in my hold to look at me as her eyes fluttered open.

"Morning," she whispered.

"Not yet. Sleep," I mumbled back, already slipping back into sweet oblivion with her next to me.

She nodded with a sleepy smile, raising her head for a few seconds to press a kiss to my cheek before settling down against me and closing her eyes. The pleasant warmth spread from my cheek and within a few minutes I had fallen back into darkness.

* * *

><p>I'd been awake forever when Santana finally opened her eyes. Everyone else in my dorm was up and gone - most of them hadn't gone to the party last night anyway, but even Sugar, who'd tripped into her bed at 4am, woke up at least an hour before Santana. I hoped she hadn't drunk too much more last night after I'd gone off with Mike, because she does that sometimes when she gets upset. She thinks no one notices, but I do.<p>

Mike. My stomach suddenly felt heavy, like I had a hangover even though I hadn't drunk much in the end. I pushed away the thoughts of him and concentrated on Santana instead as she slipped out of her dreams. The heaviness in my stomach faded and I smiled as she turned to bury her head into my pillow, groaning about it being early.

"It's half one in the afternoon, Santana. Charity's already been up long enough to catch two mice," I told her, eyeing the dead creatures at the foot of my bed. Hopefully Santana would bury them later, because it made me sad having to do that.

"I swear I'm going to jinx your goddamn cat's teeth away if she doesn't stop killing those mice," she mumbled, turning her head to look at me as she spoke.

"At least she's stopped with the fairies," I pointed out, knowing Santana would never really do anything bad to my cat. When the Great Hall had been decorated over Christmas, Charity had brought seven dead fairies to me in a week. I know she's trying to be nice, but she really needs to find some other kind of present to bring me. Sugar wouldn't stop screaming last week when she found the gnome under her bed.

Santana grunted, unimpressed.

"How are you feeling?" I asked. I sort of remembered her coming in very early in the morning and she'd looked terrible then.

"Better. My head's still pounding though. Looks like I will need a pepper-up potion after all," she added with a laugh. I thought back to the conversation we'd had in her dorm last night in front of Rachel and my insides jolted. She wanted to do this now? Even after what Mike had said last night? No, I didn't want to think about Mike again. I leaned in before he could distract me to kiss her softly. Her eyes were staring into the pillow until the last second when they flicked up to meet mine. She looked a bit panicked but I pressed in anyway, my hand moving up to the back of her neck to pull her closer to me. Kissing Santana is one of my favourite things to do. Her lips are way softer than any boy's and sometimes she makes noises into my mouth if I do something with my tongue that she really likes. I tried to do that then, flicking the tip of my tongue against hers when she opened her mouth enough, but she was suddenly pulling away.

She rolled and fell out of the bed with a thump, scrambling quickly to her feet and twisting her head to glance at the door before back at me. She had that look on her face she used to get sometimes if I touched her too much when we kissed, before we had our night in the Room of Requirement two days ago and I helped remind her that sex doesn't have to mean anything more than fun. I still didn't understand why she'd stopped it happening so many times before that. I'd never tell her so, but sometimes I secretly wondered if it was because she was scared it might feel like more than just sex if it was with me, because I was her best friend and knew her better than anyone. But that wasn't a problem anymore, she'd liked it just as much as I had and we both understood sex isn't dating. So why was she acting weird again now? She was still staring at me from where she'd ended up next to Becky's bed, her eyes wide.

"What's the matter, Santana?"

"_Anyone_ could've come in and seen us!" she replied in a strangled voice.

That was strange. We'd broken the rules last night during spin the bottle, and it had been hot. I pointed that out.

"It's not the same, Brittany! Sure guys think that girls making out is hot, but it's different if it's just us on our own - people will get ideas, they don't understand how we work."

"_You_ said you wanted a pepper-up potion. Like you wanted a pepper-up potion last night in your dorm," I replied defensively. Why did she always get so scared at the thought of anyone finding out? We've always said it doesn't mean there's any feelings involved. I know sometimes I felt bad inside when I saw Santana with Puck, but that's because of best friend feelings wanting to look after her, not anything else. If anyone did see us we'd just have to explain it to them.

"Fuck's sake Britt, I meant an _actual _pepper-up potion, not some codeword I made up 'cause I was horny last night and Berry wouldn't leave. You can't go around _kissing_ me in your dorm like it's normal!"

She hissed the word 'kissing' like it was a bad word, except Santana had never had any trouble saying bad words before.

"Well I liked your codeword," I muttered, staring down at the quilt and fiddling with the edge of it. It was a great codeword. Like a secret language between us. She didn't say anything, and when I looked up I saw she was staring down as well, but at her feet not my bed. I sighed. Sometimes I understood Santana like she had writing on her forehead explaining why she said what she said, but times like this when she closed off it was really hard to work out what she was thinking. "Potion's where it normally is," I told her simply.

She moved closer, bending down at the bottom of my bed to pull out the box I kept there. It was a box for Santana, really. Pepper-up potions, a spare Slytherin tie, some photos of me and Santana and Tony from the summer before Hogwarts, and tucked right at the back was a small bottle of Dragon's Absinthe. It was what we took a sip of before a party whenever we wanted to get really drunk. She swallowed the pepper-up potion in one gulp, closing the lid of my box and pushing it back under the bed where no one else could see it. Then she stood, running her hand over the end of the bed with her eyes closed as she waited for the potion to take effect. Her hand paused over one section and she opened her eyes to peer at it, and I knew what she'd found.

I wanted to lift the mood, so I bounced down to the end of the bed and pulled off the part of the quilt that was covering it so she could see the notches properly. I'd been adding them since third year, eight in total, but my favourite was the most recent one I carved in yesterday. I put a spell on it so that it looked glittery and stood out best. I reached for her hand and pulled it along the wood until her fingers grazed against her notch.

"Do you like it?" I asked quietly, watching her face. She knew what this was, I didn't have to explain it. She almost smiled, but then her hand dropped again to the only other notch that stood out and it felt like someone had put one of those exercise weights Finn always used in my stomach. Mike's notch shone a florescent blue. I looked at her again, and she looked more like she was about to cry than about to smile.

"Why did you promise him that?"

Now I couldn't avoid thinking about Mike. I bit my lip, trying not to get upset.

"I… I didn't mean to make you sad, Santana. It's just he was complaining he never got me to himself and he said he should be able to spend time with me when he wanted, not just when you were busy, and I didn't want him thinking I didn't like him because I _do_, so I promised to be around him more so long as he wouldn't say anything to you because I didn't think you'd understand. And you know I can't break my promises, Santana. But then, last night…" I sniffed as I remembered the shouting. "He said some nasty things about you, Santana. And I told him he was wrong, you really are nice, you're just mean sometimes because people suck. But he said you were just a bitch all the time, so I told him he couldn't speak about you like that and left. Except you were with Puck so I couldn't explain why I made that promise, so I just came here."

She climbed up onto the bed with me, kneeling on the quilt and wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

"Sorry I was with Puck. If I knew you were upset I would've come to find you," she told me quietly. I could feel her lips so close to my ear, and it made me get goosebumps.

"I wasn't really upset," I said, not wanting her to feel bad for spending the night with Puck. Even though really I'd have loved our original plan, with us in the Room of Requirement where Santana wouldn't freak out about being kissed. She'd have kissed me too, all over, and it could have been just like the night before last…

I realised she was waiting for me to carry on speaking and shook myself out of it. We couldn't do that now anyway apparently, not where people might see us even though it was fine last night. All the rules we had got so confusing sometimes. I wished I could write them all down, but that would probably break the 'leave no evidence' rule.

"I was just mad at him. Why can't he see how awesome you are? I really like him, but I don't like it when he says stuff like that."

"He's a quidditch-obsessed workaholic. He's just jealous that we spend so much time together and he doesn't get a look-in."

"…Should he? Should I be spending more time with him?" I asked uncertainly. Was I being a bad girlfriend?

"Not if you don't want to. You decide who you spend your time with, not him. If he can't deal with that then screw him."

"What? But I already did scr-"

"_No!_ No, Britt, not that," she interrupted me quickly. "I meant he's not worth the effort."

"Oh, okay." I guessed I'd got a metaphor mixed up again, or whatever it was called when someone didn't mean something literally. "Well, good. Because I don't want to spend less time with you. You're my favourite person," I told her with a wide smile, nuzzling my nose against her neck then turning to rest my head on her shoulder. I loved cuddling up to her like this, and it gave me an awesome view down her top. I was glad I'd picked this one from her chest of drawers yesterday night, because the neckline was really low. It made all the boys stare at her, not that she'd noticed, but it was okay because right now I was the only one who got to stare.

"Perv," she whispered against my hair, combing it through with her fingers. I giggled, twisting to look up at her face. She looked like she wasn't sure whether to be smug or embarrassed that I'd been staring at her boobs.

"Well they're almost as awesome as you are," I said, grinning up at her. I waited for her eyes to widen in surprise before leaning that little bit closer to kiss her jaw, letting my tongue brush against her skin, then pulled away quickly before she could. I knew it was breaking the rules, but it was only for a second. "If we hurry we can still make it to lunch!" I told her, bouncing away to grab some clothes for both of us. I glanced back and saw she hadn't moved. It was so much fun teasing her like this. I knew exactly what to do to make her heart beat faster, but I knew how to hide that my heart was pounding too. But still, I really was hungry. My stomach had been rumbling for three whole hours while I had waited for Santana to wake up.

* * *

><p>It was almost half two by the time we actually made it to the Great Hall; it had taken a while to get Santana looking like her normal hot self. The Slytherin table was almost half full though. I guessed lots of them had slept in as well; the Slytherin parties normally end pretty late. Puck waved to us but Santana pulled on my little finger so we moved to the Ravenclaw table instead where Quinn was sat.<p>

"You weren't at the party last night Q, what's with the late lunch?" Santana asked as we dropped onto the bench opposite her at exactly the same time. She looked up from her salad, rolling her eyes at Santana at the same time as she smiled at me. It was funny how she could have two expressions on her face at once.

"Unlike some people who seem to think they can pass their OWLs on a whim, I was actually making good use of my time and studying for most of the night. June may seem far away now, but it'll be here before you know it."

"Ha, you're just pissed we beat you," Santana jibed.

"At least _we_ don't cheat while playing," Quinn snapped back. Her smile was gone now and she was glaring at Santana. I frowned, looking between my two friends. I hadn't noticed anyone cheating during the game. I was about to ask, but then I saw Mike coming over with Puck right next to him. I nudged Santana with my elbow, and when she saw them she gripped my hand properly under the table, squeezing a little bit before letting go and raising an eyebrow at the approaching boys.

"Chang, you've been upsetting my girl Brittany," Santana accused the moment they got near enough. I fought with my face so that I wouldn't smile at her words. She always stood up for me. Mike took a deep breath, looking straight at Santana and suddenly I was worried he was going to start saying nasty things again.

"Santana, I'm sorry I said some stuff about you. You're not… _always_ a bitch," he added with a grimace before turning to me. "Britt, you can spend time with whoever you want. I'm sorry."

I smiled widely, jumping up from the bench to hug him tightly. He understood! He was sorry was saying that stuff about Santana and I didn't have to choose! I knew I'd pick Santana if I did, but it was great that now I could have both of them!

"Thank you," I whispered, turning my face to plant a happy kiss on his cheek. Still clinging onto him, I turned to see what Puck was saying to Santana. I heard something about her leaving his bed this morning, but she was rolling her eyes. Puck was looking frustrated, but then Mike spoke up.

"Britt, Santana, would do you say to a double date next week? You girls can still spend time with each other but we get to join the fun too. Sound good?"

I nodded straight away. It sounded great! Santana _and _Mike. Oh, and Puck of course, but that was okay. Santana didn't look so sure though. I sent her my best pleading look, begging her to agree. It would be so much fun, she'd see.

"Fine. But you better find something good for us to do," she challenged, turning to face Quinn again and taking a firm bite from her toast.


	14. The Puddlemere Derby

**Chapter 14: The Puddlemere Derby**

_March, Fifth Year_

"Santana, are you ready yet?" I asked again, staring up at the green canopy of her bed. "Mike and Puck are waiting for us…"

"Well they'll just have to wait a bit longer. I gotta look hot," she called back from the bathroom.

"You _always_ look hot, though," I pointed out. She didn't reply, so I turned towards the half-open bathroom door, resting my elbow on the duvet and my head in my hand. I could only see a little bit of her, but it was enough. "Even your arm looks hot, Santana."

She laughed, beckoning at me with the hand I could see. I got up from the bed and walked over to lean in the doorway. She was dressed in a tight, green-and-black striped dress with black boots with her hair pulled back.

"You look awesome. But you're gonna freeze," I advised.

"I'll be fine," she replied, pausing her make-up to look me up and down with a smirk. But then it faded and she turned back to the mirror. "Dressing up for Mike, huh?"

"Don't you like it?" I asked in dismay, staring down at myself.

"You're wearing _blue_."

"Yeah? I've got my yellow coat too," I replied.

"You never wear blue. You said it makes your skin look weird."

"Santana, you know I was joking when I said that," I said, confused at why she was acting weirdly. Normally she liked my jokes. "And Mike's being really nice, so I thought I'd wear his house colours for once. He even got Puck to take you on a proper date last week and not just get you pizza before sex." I didn't like it when he did that. If I was dating Santana I'd always want to take her nice places and it wouldn't just be for the sex - not that I could say so to her because she'd freak out again.

"Ugh, don't remind me," she muttered under her breath. I wasn't sure if she meant the pizza or the date. I frowned at her, crossing my arms over my chest as I tried to work her out. She was blocking me out again. It was like she had a spell that could just stop me knowing what she was feeling whenever she wanted. Why wouldn't she hurry? She had to hurry, we were going to be late! At least I knew there was one way I could get her to do what I wanted. It had worked every time I'd tried it so far.

I stepped further into the bathroom, knocking the door with the heel of my foot so that it swung shut behind me as I walked towards her. She didn't even notice until I was right next to her and I slid my hand over her back. My fingers tightened around her waist and I pulled her closer into me - waiting until she wasn't doing make-up, of course, or she'd take even longer fixing it. She'd stopped completely now though and was just staring blankly into the mirror, her lips slightly parted. I smiled at the side of her face, resting my chin on her shoulder and leaning in to whisper in her ear.

"I'm still wearing a green bra," I murmured, leaning in even further so my lips touched her ear as I spoke. "You remember that one I bought in January that you liked so much?" She wasn't moving at all now except for breathing. I flicked my eyes towards the mirror to see she was staring at me in it, but not at my face. I grinned, and kissed the lobe of her ear as softly as I could. "You still need to do your make-up," I reminded her, continuing to watch her in the mirror. Finally her eyes moved up the mirror to look at me properly - not that I minded her looking at other parts of me than my face. I loved it. She still wasn't moving though. Maybe I'd distracted her a bit too much. "Want me to finish it?"

She nodded, then after a few more seconds of silence she turned to face me. I plucked the eyeliner from her hand and gently pushed her against the counter, holding her there with my hips. She was quiet still, but breathing louder. I cupped her cheek with one hand to hold her face steady and her eyes closed. It didn't look like it would take long to finish her make-up - she'd done most of it already - but after barely a minute she started drawing patterns on my shoulder with two fingers and it was getting really distracting. Her hips shifted against mine and that made it worse.

"Santana," I muttered quietly, trying to concentrate on her mascara now. Her eyes opened and the brush knocked against her skin, leaving a black smudge just below her eyebrow. "You messed it up," I told her, but she was staring at me and wouldn't look away. People seem to like my eyes because apparently blue eyes are pretty, but Santana's are way more gorgeous. They're dark and deep and sometimes I feel like I could fall into them. Then she leaned in to kiss me, and just like I was tumbling into her soul through her lips and tongue and skin. Her fingers glided through my hair and it was as perfect as always. Then I felt her hands slide quickly down my back to dig into my thighs instead, drawing us together so I was straddling her, pressing so close. I felt way warmer than I had a few seconds before and my heart thundered in my chest, and for a moment I wished we could stay here, just the two of us, and forget all about the date.

The date.

I pulled away with a gasp, breathing in as fast as I could and trying to cool myself down, because if my body carried on feeling this hot I wouldn't be able to stop. Mike had gone to so much trouble to organise this, he'd even postponed it another week so it could be as good as it possibly could. Of course we couldn't stay here, I was being silly.

"We're late," I whispered. I could see my lipstick on her lips. I reached across to wipe it away, then stopped. I wasn't sure I could get so close to her lips right now. I really wanted to kiss her again already. I dropped my hands instead to push myself away so I could move to the side and away from her. My plan had gone _so_ wrong and now we were even later than before. I turned to the mirror to briefly finger-comb my hair, and cleaned up my lipstick. I knew she was watching me.

"Hurry up," I whispered, reopening the bathroom door then closing it again behind me so I couldn't be tempted to run back and pin her up against that counter and kiss her everywhere I could reach until she was crying out my name. That was my favourite part about sex with Santana, when she got so lost in the moment that she wasn't scared to call out my name. It was hot, but so beautiful at the same time. Mike sometimes said my name during sex, and so had other guys, but it never got as good as when Santana said it. My thoughts drifted back to a few nights ago in the Room of Requirement when she'd said my name so many times I lost count…

But thinking of that was _not_ helping me cool down…

I dropped back onto Santana's bed where I'd been before and tried to take deep breaths, closing my eyes. My stomach was going up and down, up and down, like when I went on the muggle plane to France and we flew through a storm. I squeezed my legs together and tried to think of something else than the other night or Santana in the bathroom and what we could be doing right now if I hadn't stopped.

Charity. Charity was a good distraction. She was still bringing in animals. Last week I'd found a stash of feathers, and I was worried she'd sneaked into the owlery and eaten someone's owl. But Santana had used magic to trace the feathers back to a dove from the forest. I'd still been upset for the dove though, so we'd buried it then she took me to the prefects' bathroom and made me feel better with tiny kisses and touches, then after a while the kisses and touches weren't tiny any more, and it had felt so good…

I heard a quiet moan escape my throat. One hand was on my stomach, and I imagined it was Santana's hand. I moved it slowly, desperate to feel every part of her touch. The hand skated across to my leg, tracing carefully over the curve of my hipbone with one finger and then gradually carrying on down my thigh, speeding up as it reached the hem of my dress. Fingers curled around the edge of the material and I wished I hadn't put on such thick tights, or any tights at all so I could feel the touch better. I felt the scrape of nails digging into my skin as the hand began making its way back up the inside of my leg.

"Santana," I breathed, picturing her kneeling above me and whispering things in my ear about what she was going to do that made my body tingle even more than it already was from the touch of her fingers that were so close now to their destination-

"Brittany, Santana?"

My eyes snapped open and I sat up as fast as I could, tearing my hand away even though I was throbbing, just as the dorm door opened to reveal Rachel. She saw me straight away.

"Oh good - Noah sent me up to find out where you were, he says you're late. Is Santana here as well?"

"Sh-she's just finishing getting ready," I replied with a gulp. Had she seen anything, or heard me say Santana's name? But it was only Rachel. Nothing to worry about. "Tell Puck we'll be down in five minutes."

Rachel turned to leave again, saying something about how she wasn't an owl, but I wasn't really listening. I crawled off the edge of the bed quickly so I couldn't start anything again and hurried over to the bathroom, knocking on the door.

"Santana, are you nearly ready?"

The door swung open the moment I finished speaking to reveal Santana looking stunning in her green dress and curled hair and perfect make-up. She was smiling, but it was tight - I think she was feeling as wound up as me and I suddenly felt guilty for earlier. Seeing her look so hot wasn't helping either.

"Alright, let's see what these boyfriends of ours have come up with," she said, interrupting the tense silence. I nodded, hurrying back to her bed to pull on my thick coat and boots.

"Are you sure you don't want to wear anything else? It's cold outside," I said, looking at her bare arms and legs.

"I'll be fine, Britt. Now come on, you were the one hurrying," she reminded me, half out of the door already. I followed her, but for once I didn't link our little fingers together. I needed to cool down a bit more before I could touch her again.

The boys were waiting for us just outside the common room door. They looked a bit impatient.

"There you are!" Mike said the moment he saw us. "We need to hurry or we'll be late," he told us, taking my hand and pulling me down the corridor. I grinned at him, excited to find out what it was he'd been planning for so long. He wouldn't even give me any clues in advance so I had no idea what to expect. I glanced back to see Santana following us with Puck close behind. Every time he got close enough to reach out she suddenly gained a burst of speed and got nearer to me and further away from him. Mike squeezed my hand as we made our way out of the castle and through the grounds of Hogwarts and I turned back to face him with a smile. I had to remember that he was my proper date; I didn't want him feeling left out again especially when he'd been making an effort to be so nice to Santana recently.

Because Mike was hurrying so much it didn't take us long to reach Hogsmeade, and he led me into the quidditch shop next door to the Three Broomsticks. It seemed a strange place for a date. I turned to look at him, and he gave me a wide grin before releasing my hand and stepping forward to whisper to the shopkeeper. I felt something against my shoulder and turned my head to see Santana right behind me. My heart jumped a little at seeing her so close.

"What kind of a date is this?" she whispered harshly. "Who takes their girlfriend on a date to a _quidditch shop_?"

"I don't think this is it," I replied, watching Mike so I didn't have to look her in the eye. She wouldn't like it if I kissed her here - and I didn't think Mike or Puck would be very happy either when we were supposed to be paying attention to them. Mike turned back towards us with a triumphant expression and something hidden behind his back. I smiled at him, waiting for him to reveal the item. Slowly, he did. He brought his hand around gradually to reveal… an empty glass bottle.

"Ladies, if you will?" he said, stepping closer and holding the bottle out. Suddenly I understood - it was a portkey. I grabbed it quickly and glanced at Santana. She was smiling now, although she was trying to pretend not to. I wasn't sure what had got her so happy all of a sudden. "Three…" Puck stepped forward quickly to touch one corner. "Two… One…"

I was spinning, the world was twisting out of control and all I could do was clutch desperately at Santana's hand that had caught mine at the last second. My nails dug into her palm but I couldn't let go.

"Now!" Mike's voice echoed in my ears and I tore my hand from the bottle, still holding Santana's tight as we landed and I kept her upright with a swift tug. I shook my head to get the world straight again, staring in confusion at the field in front of me. Where were we?

"Britt!" Santana hissed, her hand clenching tighter. I turned, and a familiar quidditch stadium appeared in front of me; a quidditch stadium I'd been going to since I was seven years old. Mike and Puck were standing to one side, watching us, and then Mike stepped forward with a broad smile, holding up four tickets in his hand.

"Welcome to the derby game of Puddlemere United versus the Wigtown Wanderers."

I squealed and leaped forward to hug him, careful not to knock the hand with the tickets. I'd only ever been to one local derby game before for Santana's twelfth birthday because tickets were so hard to get.

"How did you get the tickets?" I asked, pulling back to stare at him in shock. I couldn't keep the smile off my face. This was the best date ever! I looked across at Santana and she was properly smiling now too.

"My cousin's dating one of the Puddlemere reserve players, he got them for me." A roar sounded from within the stadium and he grabbed my hand. "Come on, we don't want to miss anything."

Luckily we only missed the team introductions as we found our seats, and Santana and I knew most of the players anyway. I noticed Santana hurry past Puck on the steps so that she could sit next to me, but I didn't say anything about it. Her arm bumped against mine as we sat and I saw that she had goosebumps already - I'd _told_ her she'd be too cold, but I knew she wouldn't admit it now. I couldn't just let her shiver for the whole match though.

"It's way too hot in here," I complained, unbuttoning my coat. Puck and Mike had taken their coats off as well and I saw they were wearing blue Puddlemere shirts underneath. Now I was very glad I'd worn my blue dress; I was in the right colours. "Santana, can you wear my coat? I'll forget it if I put it under my seat."

"I'll make sure you remember it, Brittany," Mike said, but I was already passing it over to Santana. She was trying not to smile again and I knew she understood what I'd done. Her little finger found mine and squeezed gently, but then the quaffle was released and the match began, distracting me from any thoughts of what had happened earlier in the Slytherin dorm.

* * *

><p>"Go Barrow, go! Faster! You're- nooo! Beaters what're you doing? You're meant to- Yes, yes, go go!"<p>

I could hear Mike laughing at my commentary but I didn't care. I followed every throw of the quaffle, as well as both bludgers to make sure they didn't go too near any Puddlemere players, and always looking out for the snitch. I heard a song start up around me and I joined in, elbowing Santana with a grin so she would too - we'd learnt the words together years ago. The names had changed since, but it was still the same tune.

"_-those bludgers, boys, and chuck that quaffle here! There ain't no better team than good ol' Puddlemere! Sikorski lead the blues to three hundred points or more, bludger Wigtown to their knees and let Barrow fly to score!_"

The cheers surrounding us made me feel so light. I loved this, I loved being part of a crowd all crying out for Puddlemere, all watching for the snitch and booing whenever Wigtown scored. Across the other side of the stadium the reds started singing their own songs so we sang another, shouting it as loud as we could to try and drown them out. I lost track of time as the players soared through the air, scoring again and again. Wigtown were leading first, but then Barrow went on a scoring spree and got a hat trick and we were leading again, and then I saw a glint of gold out of the corner of my eye.

"There! It's there, Trinder, open your eyes, go! Now, you're going to lose it!" I screamed at the Puddlemere seeker, until finally she spotted it too and began the chase with the Wigtown seeker close behind her. "Yes! Yes, go! You're gonna get it, Trinder!"

Mike was laughing again, but on my other side Santana was shouting with me, urging on Trinder as the snitch flew out of her grasp and began a nosedive.

"Come on, fucking move faster, are you a seeker or a bloody sloth? _Go!_" Santana yelled fiercely. I let my eyes leave the chase for a second to glance over at her. Her cheeks were tinged slightly red and her fists were clenched at her sides as she continued to shout herself hoarse. "No – watch out!" My eyes quickly turned back to the pitch to see Trinder almost crash headfirst, but at the same time I reached out for Santana's hand, knocking at it lightly until she unclenched her fist and I could link little fingers with her. Trinder was close now, and the snitch had turned our way.

"Yes, come on! You're so so close!" I squealed happily as seeker and snitch zoomed towards us. I bounced on the soles of my feet, unable to keep still. The Wigtown seeker was lagging behind now, but Trinder was so near… "YES!" I screamed with Santana as Trinder's fingers closed around the snitch. She pulled up, away from us, but it didn't matter because Puddlemere had won!

"Puddlemere wins, 480-300!" a voice announced throughout the stadium, and I turned to throw my arms around Santana. I buried my face in her hair and breathed in her smell, and suddenly all I wanted to do was kiss her again. My lips were so close to her skin; I knew I could do it without the boys noticing. I leaned in closer and pressed my lips on her neck through her hair. I knew she'd felt it, because she went a bit stiff and her arms tightened even more. I pulled back, hoping she wasn't mad, but as I did I felt her lips brush against my throat as well. As I turned to Mike to celebrate with him as well - I really should, since he'd arranged all this - I couldn't keep the grin off my face.

"That was brilliant, Mike! Amazing! Best date ever!" I shouted in his ear, leaning up to kiss him properly. It was just a shame I couldn't kiss Santana like that in public as well. It lasted several minutes, but even though I tried I couldn't keep my focus on him. I kept thinking of Santana behind me. I wondered if she felt how I did when I saw her kissing Puck. I knew it didn't mean anything between us, we'd settled that years ago, but I still didn't like it when Puck kissed her. I couldn't explain it, and I definitely couldn't tell her, but I knew I didn't like it.

Realising Mike wasn't going to stop I pulled back a little. He grinned down at me goofily and I had to smile wider at that. Maybe I do prefer kissing Santana, but Mike was still really nice. Turning, I saw that Santana had a strange look on her face. Puck had his arms wrapped around her and was basically making out with her neck, but she was watching me. It made me think that maybe she did feel weird when I kissed Mike.

We made our way towards the exit slowly. We couldn't go fast even if we wanted to with all the crowds. Puck was still all over Santana and I tried not to watch, but it was kind of hard when they were right in front of me. We found our way into the interior corridor of the stadium and suddenly Santana stepped to one side away from Puck and reached out for my wrist.

"Be five minutes," she said, dragging me to the side. I wasn't sure what she was doing until I saw the 'Ladies' sign above the doorway we entered. Somehow, there wasn't a queue, and she pulled me into one of the cubicles.

"I think there are others free-" I started, but then she had pressed me up against the door and was fumbling with the lock, her fingers shaking. Carefully, I lifted one of my hands to cover hers and help her slide it shut. I locked eyes with her for a second, and she pulled my face towards her and kissed me. She kissed me over and over, like we had been earlier but more intense; more tongues, more wandering hands, more bumping noses. My arms wrapped around her to hold her close but she wanted more already, her hand chasing down my leg to find the edge of my dress then sliding eagerly up my thigh. I felt her hand press between my legs and gasped against her lips, my nails digging into her back.

"San… Santana…" I mumbled into her mouth. This was not good. The boys were waiting for us outside. We couldn't do this here. But I still wanted to, so bad. Her lips had relocated to my neck and she was planting hot, open-mouthed kisses against my skin. Both of her hands were underneath my dress now, fumbling with my tights. Several tremors ran through me and I dropped my hands from around her, pulling my head back to knock against the cubicle door. "Stop, please…" I whispered, trying not to breathe too loudly in case anyone else heard.

Her lips moved up to my ears. "Why?" she murmured, her voice silky. She'd managed to pull my tights partly down now but her hands were just massaging my thighs at the moment, her fingers tickling at the sides of my underwear. "You left me high and dry this morning, Britt-Britt."

"'Cause… it…" I held my breath to stop myself moaning when I felt her kiss just behind my ear, then tug lightly at my earlobe before her lips moved down my jaw and finally to my mouth, biting my bottom lip before kissing me properly. I kissed back hungrily, trembling as I felt one of her hands inch to one side to slip under my underwear.

"Wait, no," I gasped, pulling back and reaching down to grab her hand. She froze, looking up to stare at me in surprise. "It's breaking the rules," I objected, keeping my voice as quiet as possible. "Your rules, remember? There's people about. And they're waiting for us. Mike, and Puck. It's a date. This. Our boyfriends are waiting. We shouldn't be late because of this when we're supposed to be with our boyfriends," I said, struggling to find the words to explain. I hadn't said it right though, judging by Santana's expression. She stepped back, pulling her hands away from me.

"Rights. Our boyfriends," she replied. Her voice was cold. I'd upset her.

"Santana, you know I like-"

"No no, you don't need to explain. Come on then, back to the _boyfriends_."

She wouldn't look at me. I felt a lump in my throat and swallowed hard, fumbling with my tights to pull them up again and trying not to look sad. It wasn't fair. If I'd started this she'd have got mad and yelled at me later about being caught, like anyone cares. If I ever start anything where people might see us she stops me. But now I stopped her – and I hardly ever do – because Mike's put so much effort into this and I should be spending time with him, and she got mad.

I turned away from her to unlock the cubicle door and stepped out, not waiting for her as I headed for the exit. I hurried over to Mike, forcing myself to smile as I wrapped my arm around him and tugged at his waist to start walking again, not looking back at Santana. Mike smiled back cheerily, his arm moving over my shoulders and starting up a conversation about Trinder catching the snitch. I leaned across to kiss him on the cheek and his smile widened. Santana might be the better kisser, but at least Mike didn't change his mind every five minutes about whether he wanted me or not.

* * *

><p><strong>There's some debate as to where exactly Puddlemere United is meant to be based. One theory is near the Lake District, and for the purposes of this story I'm going with that, making them the local team for Britt &amp; Santana.<br>**

**Drawing to go with this chapter can be found here:  
>laurasfantasia. tumblr. com<br>/post/21118084065/puddlemere**


	15. Nothing

****Song for this chapter: watch?v=6zoQvBz6Vmg****

**Chapter 15: Nothing**

_April, Fifth Year_

I slipped into the warm water slowly, letting out a sigh as I felt my muscles relax under the heat. Quidditch practice today had been brutal, even though the final against Slytherin wasn't until June, and every muscle in my body was aching. There was nothing I would rather be doing at that moment than be in the prefects' bathroom with Santana. She was swimming back and forth like she always did when I undressed and climbed in, pretending she wasn't watching me even though we both knew she was. I never understood why she still kept up that pretence, but I didn't bother asking - she always pretended not to hear or changed the subject.

I ducked under the water to fully submerge myself, closing my eyes so the many colourful bubbles wouldn't sting and holding my breath as the calm washed over me. I felt something brush against my arm and slowly broke the surface of the water to find Santana bobbing next to me. She was smiling, and I smiled back. This was our time. We didn't have to worry about anyone overhearing or interrupting or being late. Mike was happily buried in the library already studying for his OWLs and Puck was in detention, which meant that tonight was just me and Santana.

She leaned in to kiss me softly, her lips barely brushing against mine, and I smiled wider. I stepped closer, trailing my fingers up her arm as I met her lips again, kissing her slowly and savouring every moment. I looped my arms lazily around her neck to pull her closer, one hand running through her hair. This was my favourite time with Santana. When we could go as slow as we liked, and I could notice every tiny detail. When she wasn't mad, and we didn't have to worry about the rules because no one was around anyway. Her arms moved around my back and she gently pulled me against her. Her body pressed against mine and something stirred inside me, but for now I just focused on kissing Santana because we had all night to do other stuff. Santana didn't seem to mind that we weren't hurrying either - sometimes she tried to make everything go fast, but tonight she was happy to go as slow as I wanted. I slipped my tongue into her mouth to dance with hers, and our lips moved together in unison.

I heard a noise but I didn't investigate, instead starting to kiss Santana harder as I yearned for more of her. Except then I heard a gasp, and suddenly Santana was flying away from me. I swivelled in the direction of the gasp to see Quinn frozen in the doorway, her mouth open and her eyes wide. I glanced across at Santana and she was frozen too, apart from little tremors running through her body. She wasn't looking at me, just at Quinn. I looked between them. What was I supposed to do? This was bad. How did Quinn even get in? We always lock the door…

My stomach turned to lead when I realised I had been so eager to get in the bath with Santana that I had completely forgotten to lock it. She was going to be so mad at me.

"I-" Quinn squeaked. Her eyes met mine and I wished I knew what to say. "I… I'll go…" she mumbled, stumbling backwards and slamming the door shut behind her. I could breathe again, but when I turned to Santana she still wasn't moving. I waded over towards her, but when I reached out she flinched away.

"Don't," she whispered. She wouldn't even look at me. Shit. I'd messed up really bad this time. Worse than when I'd told her to stop at the quidditch date and she wouldn't let me touch her for a week.

"I'm sorry," I murmured quietly.

"…What?" She turned to look at me finally, and I stared back, confused. "I… I have to go find her. Explain… I don't know. I'll say we had some firewhiskey earlier, or something."

"Just tell her the truth," I said. What was wrong with the truth? Surely Quinn would understand. But Santana barked out a laugh that didn't sound very funny at all as she waded away from me, towards the side of the tub.

"The truth? Right, Britt, that'll work. 'Hey Quinn, I'm fucking Brittany, but it's all good 'cause we're just friends!' Fuck that."

She was speaking to me just like she'd spoken to me when we were at Puddlemere; like I was stupid. I hated it.

"Well, that is the truth, so what's the big deal Santana? It's just us, we're special."

"Ha, you want me to tell her that we're _special_? Fantastic, Brittany." She was turned away from me as she dressed so I couldn't even see her face.

"I'm not stupid," I muttered under my breath as she dressed. She was the one who'd said we were special first, in the Room of Requirement that one morning.

"I never said you were stupid. But come on, you can't honestly think that two friends getting it on is normal. It works for us but if word gets round it'll be hell! I've got to fix this for us, so just… whatever. I'll see you in the common room later," she said. She still didn't look at me as she turned to the door and walked out, slamming it shut behind and leaving me standing alone in the middle of the bathtub. It didn't really feel relaxing any more. I just felt confused. Sex was never this confusing with anyone else. I didn't want to stay here on my own. Tonight was meant to be just me and Santana, no Puck or Mike or Quinn. And I didn't want to be there without Santana. The prefects' bathroom was somewhere we went together.

I edged to the side of the bath and pulled myself out, grabbing one of the giant towels to wrap around me. I secured it tightly at my side with one fist, shivering a bit now I was out of the warm water. I dried myself as quickly as I could and pulled my muddy quidditch uniform back on – I didn't have anything else to wear.

I wandered out of the room slowly, not checking for teachers like we normally did, but then I stopped. Where was I going? I could follow Santana and Quinn, but I didn't know where they had gone. I could go to the Hufflepuff or the Slytherin common room, but then someone would probably ask why I was sad and I didn't know what Santana would want me to say. I just needed to think. My feet started moving and I let them, not really caring where they were taking me. I felt horrid, with the damp of my quidditch uniform seeping through to my skin and my hair dripping down my back, making it even worse. I saw one of the side doors to the grounds and walked towards it. Outside was good. Fresh air was supposed to help you think, right?

It had stopped raining but there was still hardly anyone about. I wandered in the direction of the greenhouses as I tried to sort out all the mixed up thoughts in my head. Why did Santana think she had to tell Quinn that we were drunk? I'd always let her keep it secret before because she said people wouldn't understand, but this was Quinn! She was our friend! And what was there not to understand anyway?

We'd _always_ said it didn't mean anything. I figured that meant it didn't really matter if anyone found out, and just that Santana wanted to keep it between us because it was no one else's business – and because at the back of my mind I knew it could hurt Mike. But that look I'd seen in her eyes when Quinn had come in… she was so _scared_, and I couldn't understand. It was that same fear that I'd seen in her for years, even way back in our first year when I'd caught her looking at me, but never so bad as today.

I started to shiver and realised it was raining again. When had that started? I moved towards one of the greenhouses and slid open the door to step inside, grateful for the warmth. The plants in here were all so bright and colourful, and I stepped forward to one of them to run a hand over the smooth stem. It felt like velvet and the plant seemed to relax under my touch.

"Miss Pierce, what on earth are you doing here?" someone said from the other side of the room. I jumped back from the plant and almost stumbled as I noticed Professor Ryerson staring at me, clippers in one hand and a mug of tea in the other.

"I… I, um, it was raining. And I was thinking. But it was raining so I came in here," I mumbled. My words felt as jumbled as my brain. Nothing seemed simple anymore. It was like Santana had picked apart one thing that made sense in my head and everything else had unravelled as well. Why had she run away? It was our night and she'd run away. I sniffed, and quickly wiped at my face when I felt a tear on my cheek.

"Oh now, don't cry! It's okay, you're not in trouble! Come on, come over here and sit with me in my office and we can talk about it, alright?"

I didn't really want to sit in Professor Ryerson's office. I couldn't talk about it because of Santana. But I couldn't refuse a teacher either, so I wiped at my eyes again and walked slowly over. He smiled and beckoned me across to a door in the side of the greenhouse, holding it open for me and magicking a green and white striped armchair forward from the side of the room. His office was filled with plants, and there was even a tree growing in one corner with a bird nest in it. I sat down in the chair. It was squishy, bouncing a little when I squirmed.

"Do you want a biscuit?" he asked, offering me a plate. I reached out and took a chocolate one, nibbling on the corner of it as he sat back behind his desk to look at me. He didn't seem as strange as he did in our classes. He seemed almost normal, actually. "Now, what's got you so upset that you're wandering outside in the rain, hmm Brittany?"

I stared down at the wooden floorboards, not sure what to say. I couldn't break Santana's rules now, not when she was already upset.

"I'm just confused," I eventually whispered. I risked a glance up and saw he was still watching me. I quickly looked back down at the floor; it was easier to talk that way. "My… my friend. I've been doing stuff with. But there are these rules that don't make sense. And today someone saw us and my friend ran away. and now I'm so confused and I don't know what I'm supposed to think. I don't know if I should do something, or if I should what I'm meant to do. Sh- my friend doesn't make any sense." I shut up then about what was wrong, because I thought that if I carried on I was going to give too much away. "I just want to be able to think and understand what's going on because I don't and it's so confusing."

I looked up at him again and was a bit worried when I saw the look he was giving me. He was thinking, and I started worrying that he'd worked it all out.

"Well, Brittany. Can I tell you a secret?" I nodded. "When I feel like I need to think straight, I know I can't do it on my own. So I get a bit of help," he told me. He had left his seat and walked over to the sink at the side with his mug of tea, and was looking in the cupboards above it.

"What kind of help?"

"It's - you are sixteen, aren't you?" he asked suddenly. I nodded again. "Good. What I do is use some special ingredients in my tea. It's not technically allowed at Hogwarts, but you won't tell anyone, will you?"

"No, no I won't," I promised. If Professor Ryerson could help me think straight then I would keep his secret forever. He was doing something with his tea now. I tried to lean to the side to see what he was doing, but his arm was in the way. He turned and I quickly sat back in my seat so he wouldn't think I'd been snooping.

"Here, have a sip of this. Only a sip, mind," he warned as he handed me the mug. I looked at him, then at the tea, and took a gulp. It tasted nice, much nicer than tea normally did. I took another big gulp but he caught hold of the mug and pulled it away from me, placing it on his desk. I looked up at him, waiting for an explanation. "It will make it much easier to think clearly. Things might seem different around you, but in your head everything is so sharp it'll help you work things out. But it's our secret, remember?"

I nodded immediately. A secret, of course it had to be a secret. Everything was a secret.

"Excellent. And if you ever fancy a little more, you know where I am," Professor Ryerson said with a smile, moving behind me to open the door. I stood up with a smile to match his and said goodbye as I made my way out of the greenhouses. I felt warm and fuzzy inside. The colours of the plants were brighter than before, more vibrant. With every step my feet felt heavier, and by the time I reached the greenhouse door it was like I had walked a mile. But my thoughts were alive. They were running around in my head as I struggled to slide the door open.

_Santana._ I had wanted Santana to stay with me earlier in the prefects' bathroom. I didn't want her scared, and I didn't want her running after Quinn because tonight was meant to be for me and Santana; no one else. I wanted her to stay with me and make me feel good, because she always made me feel good. No one ever made me feel as good as Santana could, not even Mike.

_Mike._ He was nice. But he couldn't make me feel as good as Santana could. Whenever I had to pick between him and Santana, Santana was always the one I wanted to choose. I chose him sometimes because he was my boyfriend and I should, but if I didn't want to why should I? A boyfriend is really just a boy who's a friend who I have sex with. Then I realised that was basically the same as what I have with Santana, except she's a girl. It would be nice to get to do all the stuff I do with Mike, but with Santana.

I didn't think she'd thought of it like that. She couldn't have, or else why would she want to hide? She thought that because we're girls we can't, but why? I couldn't think of a reason. It would be amazing to be Santana's girlfriend. I'd never leave her side. I'd never have to, because she wouldn't have to spend time with Puck and I wouldn't have to spend time with Mike. And she doesn't even like Puck, anyway. We could kiss all the time, wherever we went and not have to worry about being in public. We could do Valentine's Day together. We could have even more sex, and it would be even more perfect because we would get to talk about how we felt as well.

So… why not? Why couldn't we be girlfriends? There was nothing stopping us. Mike wouldn't have to worry about getting alone time with me away from Santana because we wouldn't even be together. And Puck might be mad, but I didn't like him anyway, and I would treat Santana so much better than he did. My feet started to dance as I thought about how wonderful it would be, but then I tripped and went sprawling over the ground. Something stung my knee, and I heard my name being called. Hands were on my arms, pulling me to my feet, and I squinted to see a familiar face. I grinned. This was perfect! The perfect start!

"Mike!" I exclaimed, hugging him tightly before leaning back. His face was strange. His lips were turned down and he was staring at me. "Mike, it's okay, you don't have to fight for me anymore," I told him. It was hard to get my thoughts to come out in words that made as much sense, and I struggled to say exactly what I was thinking. He was talking, but I interrupted him. "It's okay, okay? Okay, you can… don't worry. You can go find someone else. You want that, right? Someone who'll be nice and won't always run away to Santana. You don't like Santana and you've been so good pretending you do when you don't and it's nice, but it's not fair and you should find some other girl who likes you more." He was speaking again, and I fought to listen to what he was saying.

"…the matter? …breaking up… crazy! …your senses…"

"It all makes sense, Mike. In my head it all makes sense. I want to be your friend," I told him with a smile, leaning in to hug him. He looked sad, and friends are supposed to hug their sad friends. But he shoved me away, and I fell over again. I stared up at him and wasn't sure if he was crying or if it was the rain from earlier on his face. He was shouting some more and then he turned away and was marching towards the castle, and I was still sitting on the grass.

I struggled to my feet, trying to remember where I'd been going. Santana! Of course! I had to go find Santana so we could start being girlfriends! I couldn't wait to see her face when I pointed it out, I couldn't understand how it had taken us so long. It was the only thing I wanted. I started back towards the castle, finding the side door closest to the Slytherin common room and winding my way through the dungeons. My feet took me the wrong direction a few times, but it was okay because soon I was standing in front of the stone wall.

"Sarnissa," I hissed. The wall didn't budge. It was silly, putting a password in a different language. "Saaar-neee-ssaaa," I tried again, and this time the door appeared. Eagerly I fumbled with the doorknob and stumbled through. I stood by the entrance, searching for Santana and wishing it was easier to see her. There were so many people in there. Everything was so green. I took a few steps further in and finally noticed her on the sofas with Puck. Stupid Puck. I walked over, wondering if the room was actually moving or if it was just me moving that made it feel like that, and fell onto the sofa on my knees next to her. I grabbed her arm to pull her from Puck and she moved straight away. It was a sign or something; she wanted this as well. She didn't want to be with Puck. I leaned in to kiss her but she moved at the last minute so my lips only just grazed her cheek.

"Brittany, w-what…?" she started. Her voice sounded different to normal. I stayed leaning into her, arms wrapping around to keep her close and moving my head to speak straight into her ear so she could hear. Why was everyone being so loud? It felt like my ears might explode from the noise.

"Santana, it all makes sense now! I don't know why it took so long, it makes sense and we don't need to hide or have rules. I want to be with you, like-" I had to stop then because Santana's hand was against my mouth. I giggled and stuck out my tongue to lick her hand, but she didn't laugh. She felt so tense. She needed to relax. I tried to tell her that, but I couldn't speak properly with her hand there. I shifted, pulling away from her a bit so I'd be able to explain properly, but she stood up and pulled me up as well by my hands. I almost fell over and she caught me, but her nails were digging into my wrists and it was starting to hurt.

"Santana," I mumbled, twisting my arms to try and pull away. "Hurts…" She let go straight away and then we were moving across the common room, the green blurring all around me. I think she was pushing me, because every time I tried to speak I felt a pressure against my back that made me move faster. The steps were hard, though. My body wouldn't do what I wanted and my feet wouldn't lift high enough and I fell back into Santana a few times.

"Out, _now_!" she shouted as she pushed open a door. I squinted around and saw we were in her dorm. That made sense. Some people brushed past us, and one started speaking. I didn't hear what she was saying though as I moved over to Santana's bed. I tripped as I approached and hung onto one of the posts at the bottom of the bed to keep me standing. I flopped down onto it, imagining spending hours and hours here with Santana, talking and kissing and studying without worrying about anyone else being there.

I turned my eyes to look at her as she argued with the girl and focused as much as I could on her. It was harder than it normally was, but soon I was finding everything I loved about Santana. The way her dark hair curled naturally halfway down her back. Her skin, so smooth and dark and beautiful. How her eyes widened and fists clenched when she was angry. Wait, angry? Why was Santana angry? I sat up, worried, and just managed to stop myself tipping over onto my other side. The other girl was going now though and Santana was coming over quickly, muttering something and waving her wand at the door. I smiled brightly at her, clambering off the bed to stand.

"Santana, do you see? We can be us, wherever we want. We won't ever have to hide and you won't have to run after Quinn and leave me alone and-"

"What the _fuck_ is wrong with you, Brittany?" Santana shouted. She hit her hand hard against the bedpost and I jerked back, almost falling again as the back of my knees knocked the mattress. Why was she shouting at me? This was meant to be good news. It was starting to get easier to make out details around me now, but I carried on, knowing I had to get this across before Professor Ryerson's tea stopped working in case I couldn't understand it again.

"B-but Santana, don't you get it? Us. It's perfect. No boys." I noticed she was staring at me like I was crazy and I trailed off.

"What happened to sex being meaningless, Britt? That's what you said! That's what you_ always_ said when you were trying to persuade me to do something new with you. You said you got it, and all along it was just so you could come out with this shit?"

"We were wrong before! I hate seeing you with Puck, I just didn't know why. But now I do, and I don't want you with anyone but me!" I tried to explain.

"You're crazy! It means nothing, it never has! What part of that don't you understand? There's no way in hell I'm going to… _be with you_."

My chest was tight. Things were still fuzzy, but not enough to make me forget those words. She didn't want to be with me?

"Why? Aren't I good enough?" I asked quietly.

"You're a girl, Brittany! Girls can't be with each other like that! I've got Puck, and you've got Mike, I don't know why the fuck you're suddenly acting like this. Are you drunk?"

"No, I don't have Mike. I said he should find someone else because I like you more than him. And us being girls doesn't matter, Santana. I lo-"

"No!" she interrupted me before I could finish. Looking at her, I could make out that fear in her face again.

"But-"

"Don't. Don't say it," she said coldly. "You're just confused. You've drunk too much and it's messed with your head. You need to sleep, then you need to go find Mike and work things out with him. And you need to _never_ be so obvious in front of so many people again! I barely managed to persuade Quinn that we were drunk, and you almost ruined it anyway. You almost ruined _everything_!"

"But – no. I'm fixing things. I'm making them better," I whispered. This wasn't right. I was starting to feel normal again except that the idea of us being together wasn't leaving my head, and my chest felt like someone was pounding a hole into it. "You're meant to be happy. You don't have to be scared."

"Scared, what the fuck? You're wasted, Britt. We're not having this discussion, you know as well as I do that what goes on between us means _nothing_!"

Nothing.

Nothing, nothing, _nothing_.

That was what she'd said it meant. Was I really that wrong about it all?

I squeezed my arms around my legs and huddled up in a tighter ball on the bathroom floor. Through the locked door I could hear the girls I shared with complaining about how long I'd been in there, but I couldn't move. The effects of whatever Professor Ryerson had put in that tea for me had worn off completely, but not the realisation that I loved Santana Lopez and she didn't love me back.

I'd been so sure. After I'd drunk that tea everything had made sense, just like Professor Ryerson had said it would. Everything was simple, and I hadn't even considered that she might not feel the same. I'd just assumed she hadn't properly considered it, ignoring all the times she'd warned me off the idea. Even the morning after we slept together for the first time, I'd mentioned it as a half-joke and she'd got mad. Why had I ever been _stupid_ enough to think that she would feel the same?

I thought back to all the times she had been so desperate for my touch, like at the Puddlemere game and breakfast one time and in several classes. If she felt nothing, she wouldn't be like that, right? She cared about me enough to bury a dove and comfort me when we were meant to be in class. She cared about me enough to blow off Puck time and time again to help me study for tests. And she _was_ scared, even though she said she wasn't. It had been all over her face, even when she'd tried to hide it.

I loved her. I loved her so much. I'd loved her for as long as I remembered, and just hadn't realised the word for how I felt until now. I would give up everything for her. I would cradle her as she cried herself to sleep on Tony's birthday every year for the rest of my life. I would take her out and make her feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, because she _was_. But instead she just wanted to have sex with me then crawl back to Puck who treated her like she wasn't even special, and I hated that even more than the fact that she wasn't with me. She was special, and she deserved to be with someone who saw that! I saw it in her every single day. Did she not see anything like that in me?

_-you know as well as I do that what goes on between us means nothing!_

A sob crept up my throat and choked its way out of my mouth even as I heard someone banging on the door and Sugar's voice call out.

"Brittany you've been in there forever, hurry up!"

I took a deep, shaky breath and released the grip I had on my legs. I reached blindly for something to support me and found a cupboard handle. My legs were unsteady and didn't want to hold me up, but I kept clutching onto the handle and then grabbed the counter top with my other hand to keep standing.

I stared at myself in the mirror. My hair was a mess, wild strands everywhere and still half-damp. My quidditch robes were even muddier than they'd been when I'd finished practice. My face was pale with red blotches, and tear streaks stained on both cheeks. My eyes were bloodshot, but even with all of that I'd expected myself to look worse. I'd expected to look as bad as I felt inside.

She didn't want me.

_You're crazy! _

I must be crazy, for thinking she'd want me.

_There's no way in hell I'm going to… be with you. _

She'd always said the idea was stupid. And that's what I was, for thinking there was a possibility. I hadn't even seen it as a possibility, I'd been certain.

_You're just confused._

Confused… but she meant stupid. She didn't say it, but that was what she meant. Because how could I be confused about my own feelings when they were so obvious now? I was just stupid for falling in love with her when she'd told me over and over that it couldn't happen. Stupid for not realising it earlier. Stupid for telling her. Stupid, _stupid_.

_You almost ruined everything!_

So fucking stupid!

My hand smashed into the mirror and the image of my blotchy face cracked into two. I gasped in shock as the pain welled up in my hand and quickly cradled it to my chest, more tears welling in my eyes. I wasn't sure if I was crying from the pain or this whole afternoon, but now I'd started again I just kept going. I wanted Santana, why couldn't I have her? I loved her but I couldn't have her, not properly, and it hurt so bad inside. It was like the nails she'd dug into my wrists earlier were digging into my chest instead, right through to my heart. I was shaking and I couldn't stop, and the only thing that could make it better was Santana but she wouldn't come. She'd said I had to get sober and make up with Mike. But I couldn't make up with Mike. I liked him, and I hated that I must have hurt him, but I didn't love him. I never had. The only person I'd ever loved was Santana. I could feel stickiness on my hand and I desperately tried to wipe it away on my uniform, leaving red smears behind. Santana's words kept pressing in on me, sounding in my ears and I couldn't make them go away, even as I tried to concentrate on the pain in my hand instead.

_Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!_

Why wouldn't she let me love her?

* * *

><p><strong>I hope I did this chapter justice, it was quite difficult. Regarding what Ryerson gave Brittany, I'm saying it's some sort of magical drug that is legal in the UK magical world from 16 but is banned at Hogwarts for various, obvious reasons. It will reappear later in the story with further explanation.<strong>


	16. The Hog's Head

**Chapter 16: The Hog's Head**

_April, Fifth Year_

She wouldn't look at me. I just wanted things to go back to normal, but she wouldn't even glance my way. What was she expecting to see? It wasn't like I'd said anything different to what we'd always said - _both _of us, not just me. It didn't mean anything and it never had, but now she'd got this idea into her head and she was being all distant, and it was driving me crazy. We couldn't even go to Hogsmeade just the two of us like we normally did, we'd been pulled into a group with Puck, Quinn, Finn, Matt and - for some reason I couldn't work out - Artie. Why had Brittany brought that idiot along? He slowed us down with his ridiculous mechanical legs. He might as well just be in a wheelchair for all the good that magic did him.

"What's up with you and Britt?" Puck asked as we made our way down to the town. Brittany was lingering behind so that Artie wouldn't be left on his own. Fucking ridiculous. I rolled my eyes at Puck, not looking at him properly. After two weeks, he'd finally noticed that something was wrong. Glorious.

"Nothing," I muttered. Like it was any of his business.

"Doesn't look like nothing. You're not ignoring me to talk to her, for one," he commented snarkily.

"Then take the hint when I say it's nothing and enjoy the attention," I snapped back. That shut him up, thank god. He was still trying to be all talkative and take me out for meals when really all he was doing was getting on my nerves. What was up with everyone trying to change things up lately? Since when had meaningless sex become a bad thing? No one had ever complained before but now Britt and Puck were both trying to talk about _feelings_. At least Brittany had got the hint the first time and not tried to mention it again. She was being silly anyway - I mean, in love with me? I shuddered as the implications flashed into my mind again. No, she was just confused like I'd said. Confused and drunk.

"What's got you so grumpy?" someone else asked from my other side. I glanced over to see that this time it was Quinn sticking her nose in.

"What's with you people? Can't I just have a bad day and not have to explain it to everyone?" I demanded.

"Excuse me for trying to look out for you," Quinn snapped back. She was never afraid to argue with me. Sometimes I appreciated it, but mostly it was just annoying. "Britt won't talk either so obviously something's up."

I looked her in the eye, then quickly looked away again. Ever since she'd walked in on us in the prefects' bathroom I'd noticed her watching me and Brittany more than usual. And she always had that look in her eyes that made me think she was reading too much into what she'd seen, even though she said she accepted my explanation that we were drunk. I hated to imagine what she thought about how Brittany had been acting these past two weeks, avoiding me as much as she could and spending more and more time with Artie.

"Well what do you expect when she's ignoring me for Four-Eyes back there?" I asked, risking a glance back to see them laughing at something. I rolled my eyes. Pathetic, he was doing everything possible to worm his way into being her friend. Why couldn't she see what a loser he was?

"Jealous?" Quinn taunted quietly.

"No." I replied too quickly; I knew I did, because she looked triumphant. "I just think she has enough friends already and she doesn't have to lower herself to befriending that cripple out of pity, it's going to drag her reputation down."

"Since when did Brittany care about her reputation? She wouldn't care whether someone she dated was a one-legged geek who was the most unpopular kid in school if she liked them. I bet she wouldn't even care if someone she liked was a girl if she really wanted to date them."

My whole body was tensing up. What the fuck was she playing at? Did she think this was all a game? She knew as well as I did that Brittany would be shunned if she dated me- a girl. Any girl. I didn't know how to reply though. She was testing me, and she knew she was getting to me and I hated it. Why hadn't I made sure that bathroom door was locked? It would have prevented all of this from ever happening and now it was just spiralling out of control.

"Well, I'm there to care for her reputation, aren't I?" I replied slowly. "I always have been. But she won't listen to me this time, that's why we're not talking as much," I said firmly. It was a decent explanation. Quinn shrugged and didn't reply, and I released a silent sigh of relief. I just had to get those crazy ideas out of her head before she did something stupid.

"Hog's Head?" Puck called from where he was now walking in front with Matt and Finn. It was the only place in Hogsmeade that would serve us without checking our wands.

"Isn't that place kind of dodgy?" I heard Artie mutter from behind. I turned to see him looking up at Brittany, who was shrugging in response. I caught her gaze for a moment and held it, but then she pulled her eyes away and back to Artie. Back to the cripple.

"Hog's Head sounds great!" I replied to Puck. He grinned and casually saluted with one hand, then led the way.

"It's fine Artie, it's not as bad as everyone makes out," Brittany reassured him. God, Quinn better not be right about her wanting to date him. I mean, it would be good because Brittany would be over the idea of dating _me_, but I couldn't handle him hanging out with us - at least Mike had been kind of fun most of the time. Although since she'd dumped him - I still couldn't understand _why_ - he'd been avoiding us as much as he could. I caught Quinn looking at me again and rolled my eyes.

"Go talk to Matt, he's been making googly eyes at you for weeks so I'm sure _he_ won't mind you staring at him constantly," I snapped, finally having had enough of her looks. "I, however, would rather not be examined like a broomstick for sale." What was she expecting me to do, suddenly turn around and start making out with Britt again in front of her? I wish. We'd barely even kissed since she'd dumped Mike.

Quinn stalked off, but when I felt an arm loop around mine I realised I had put myself in the situation of being alone with Brittany and Artie. She was making an effort to smile at me, but it was more forced than usual. Four-Eyes was grinning up at her like he was having the best day of his life, and it made me want to kick one of those mechanical legs out from under him. I stepped back to walk next to her anyway, ignoring him as much as possible as she began chattering away about Professor Holliday's latest muggle studies class. Even though her dad was a muggle she loved everything about that subject - unlike the rest of the school who all took it because Professor Holliday was by far the best teacher at Hogwarts.

I tried to hurry our pace a little, hoping she would let Artie fall behind, but she tightened her arm around mine and slowed me. She looked at me again, accusing, and this time it was me who had to look away. And now I had that familiar crawling feeling in my stomach that only she and my family could make me feel - guilt. What did I even have to be guilty about? It wasn't my fault he couldn't walk at a decent pace…

_…You almost ruined everything!_

That. That was the conversation I couldn't get out of my head; that was the conversation that kept replaying every time she looked at me like she just had. I couldn't forget the expression on her face when I'd reminded her of what we'd always said before - it meant nothing. Brittany had even said it before herself, but that time she'd stared at me like I'd ripped her apart. And ever since she'd rushed out of my dorm, I kept seeing that look in her eyes again. I didn't want her to feel like that, but what could I do?

"Hurry up you guys!" Puck called from where he was standing next to the Hog's Head. The others had obviously already gone inside. I sighed internally when I noticed Artie's pathetic efforts to walk faster.

"Why is he even here?" I muttered to Brittany as she held the pub door open for him.

"He had no one to go with," she replied without looking at me. She had paused at the doorway though, not following Artie and knowing that I had more to say.

"There's a reason for that, Britt. He's a loser. He has no friends."

"_I'm_ his friend."

"But _why_? He's an idiot, not to mention an invalid-"

"Don't talk about him like that, Santana!" she interrupted me, turning around to frown at me and letting the door to the pub swing shut. It was the closest she really got to scowling, but it was making me feel guilty again as her eyes bore into me. "Artie's nice. He listens to everything I say and he never makes me feel bad." The implication was clear, and I averted my eyes to watch the swinging signpost above her head. "I like him, and you don't get to choose my friends. So be _nice_," she finished, turning away from me to enter the Hog's Head. I took a deep breath to loosen the knot in my stomach before following.

Even after she'd told me to be nice, I couldn't help but smirk when I saw Artie standing awkwardly at the side of the table Puck, Matt, Finn and Quinn were sat at, all talking and ignoring him. My smirk disappeared as I watched Brittany smile brightly at him and pull him towards the table to sit next to her, leaving no space for me.

Puck looked up and beckoned me over to sit on the bench next to him, sliding a pint of skrewt beer towards me. His hand dropped to my thigh as soon as I sat down, and I took a long swig of the beer to get rid of the sudden nausea I felt. Ugh, what was the matter with me? I'd never liked talking about feelings which was what he'd been all about lately, but even more recently - ever since that talk with Brittany, in fact - I hadn't even wanted the sex with him. I was probably just distracted, though.

Brittany was certainly being distracting this afternoon. Puck was whispering to me, but I couldn't take my eyes off her. How she was having her own whispered conversation with Artie. How she had barely touched her drink because she was so focused on him. How her fingers were running through her hair like she always did when she flirted, how her hand was on his leg, how _happy_ he looked…

"Jesus, Santana, tense much?" Puck said, his words breaking through my reverie. I released a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding and forced my body to relax, against the will of my brain which was urging me to jump across the table and tear them apart. That should be _me_! It was _me_ Brittany always whispered secrets to instead of partaking in everyone else's conversation. It was _me_ she got cosy with and shared a beer with, not him! I took another breath and leaned back against the bench, slinging an arm around Puck's shoulders and leaning in.

"Sorry, it's been a stressful week without a few nights in the boys' dorm to calm my nerves. All these OWLs coming up… you know what my parents are like," I murmured, my nails scratching lightly down the back of his neck. It wasn't exactly a lie, either - I'd been getting letters all month from my mamá and abuela, urging me to study as much as possible with subtle threats of hiring a private tutor if I got anything less than Es.

"Well that can be fixed easily enough," he replied, the hand on my thigh sliding higher. Something fluttered inside of me. Good. "I have a little something-"

"Merlin, you two, can't we have one conversation that doesn't involve sex?" Quinn asked from the other side of Puck, rolling her eyes at us. I smirked, slipping easily into the familiar role and keeping my hand on his neck.

"Take note, Matt - she's obviously not getting any," I replied with a raised eyebrow, holding in a grin when Quinn blushed. I went to take a sip from my beer and realised it was all gone. "Puck?" I said expectantly. He slid out from the bench straight away, happy now he thought he was going to get some tonight. Now if I could just get him back to the stage of only wanting that and not any feelings talk, it would be perfect. Perfect if Britt would let things go back to normal too, but she still wasn't paying any attention to the rest of us. Her and Artie were in their own little world, and his hand had joined hers on his leg. "Something a bit stronger this time," I called after Puck impulsively. Artie was explaining how the London underground worked, and Brittany was enthralled. If I had to watch much more of that I was going to need something stronger.

Puck returned a minute later with firewhiskey and I gulped it down eagerly, watching her lips brush the edge of his ear as she whispered something to him. Goosebumps rose on my arms and I purposely turned my head towards the conversation about OWLs. Puck was getting handsy again and I made a point to join in the conversation, deriding the others for their nerves, but out of the corner of my eye there was always Artie and Brittany, getting closer and closer, and she wasn't even looking at me. I drank my firewhiskey faster than I had my beer and Puck promptly got me another, which disappeared just as quickly. I was about to send him off to buy another glass when Quinn suggested going to Zonko's. I was perfectly happy to stay here and get steadily drunker for the rest of the afternoon, but then I saw Brittany's eyes lit up as she paused her fawning over Artie when she overheard.

"Sure, why not," I agreed.

"Yes! Artie's never been there before, we have to show him everything!" she enthused, and my heart sank. So much for doing something for her, she was just making it about _him_. Everyone was already heading towards the door though, and reluctantly I stood up to follow. The pub spun a little and I kept still to try and regain my balance. My vision cleared, and she hadn't even noticed - she was helping Artie out of the door. Puck was there instead, arms around me, one hand pressing into the edge of my bra. The cool air of outside helped clear my head a little and I leaned up to him.

"Go ahead n'help Artie, I wanna talk t'Britt for a sec," I mumbled. I could hear that some of my words were slurred, but I didn't care. I had to talk sense into her before she did something stupid. But I couldn't use that word or she'd be hurt, and I didn't want to hurt her any more than I apparently already had.

"Britt, wait," I called. She looked back just as Puck arrived next to her and muttered something in her ear. She looked a bit dubious about leaving Artie but she dropped back when I beckoned to her.

"What is it?"

"Britt-Britt… what are you doing with him?" I asked. I had to know. I had to know if Quinn was right.

"I told you, he's my friend," she answered, glancing across at Artie and Puck with a worried expression.

"Yeah, but Britt… you don't act like that with friends." Well, except with me. But that was different. "You're acting as if you _like_ like him."

"…So what if I do?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was she serious? She liked Artie the cripple?

"Britt, get real. He's nowhere near your league, you gotta stop leading him on."

"I'm not leading him on," Brittany muttered. She wouldn't look at me.

"Don't be-" The word caught in my throat and I changed it just in time. "-ridiculous. You can't date _him_."

"Why not, Santana? Why do you care so much, what does it matter to you?" she asked, looking up from the ground to look me in the eye. I could see in her face the answer she wanted, but I couldn't give it to her. I _couldn't_.

"It'll destroy your reputa-"

"Santana, I don't care! I've never cared about that, it's always been you who cared. I like Artie, I do, and I need to get over…" She trailed off and sniffed, blinking rapidly, and I did my best to ignore the lump in my own throat. "If you're worried about things changing, don't. We can still do what we do, okay?" she said quietly. "Now I need to go show Artie around Zonko's before _your_ boyfriend leads him into a ditch," she added with a flash of annoyance in her face.

She left without giving me time to reply and I stared after her. She never had liked Puck very much, but she normally didn't say anything like that about him. A minute or so later he reappeared at my side.

"On to Zonko's?"

"No."

"No?" He looked confused. Funny how he could find an opportunity to hook up every time except when it was staring him in the face.

"We can find better things to do than hang out in Zonko's. C'mon, your dorm'll be empty with everyone in Hogsmeade," I pointed out, tugging on his arm and almost stumbling when he caught on and was suddenly ahead of me. It would be fine once I got back into the swing of things with Puck, and anything was better than watching Britt flirt more with Artie.

* * *

><p><strong>The mention of pubs 'checking wands' – since the age of majority is 17 in the Wizarding World and the trace is on all wands until you reach that age, it makes sense to me that checking for the trace on a wand would be the method of IDing since actual IDs are never mentioned to my knowledge. Do correct me if I'm wrong.<strong>


	17. Charity's Last Fight

**Chapter 17: Charity's Last Fight**

_May, Fifth Year_

I had lost track of how many times I'd been in this situation over the past week – I was walking to class, _alone_. Puck was skipping and Brittany was off somewhere with Artie, _again. _It was completely ridiculous how much time she was spending with him – she had never ignored me this much for Mike. Jacob Ben Israel had spread the news that they were dating around the school even before Hogweekly was published a few days later. Was she still angry at me for what I'd said? Was she just doing this to spite me? It didn't sound like something Brittany would do; she was the least spiteful person I'd ever met. But ignoring me for a fucking _cripple_ wasn't exactly something Brittany normally did either. The irritation buzzed through and I glared at anyone who glanced my way, daring them to prompt my anger.

"Watch it ladyboy!"

I glanced back to see Karofsky shove Kurt to one side further down the corridor, propelling him so hard into a passing Brittany that they both ended up on the floor. I was marching forward before I'd really processed what had happened, my wand already clenched in one hand. I whipped it forward and the force of my magic knocked Karofsky a few paces back before I had even said a word. Who did he think he was, roaming the halls like he could knock anyone to the ground and get away with it? Did he think that just because things were weird between me and Britt right now that I wouldn't defend her against anything? My wand jerked up to dig sharply into the skin under his jaw, a dozen hexes on the tip of my tongue.

"Hey gilipollas, what the fuck? I get that your troll blood makes it hard for you to walk in a straight line, but you need to open your eyes more and watch out for Britt, okay? She gets hurt because of your oafishness, it's on your head, _comprendes_?"

He looked too shocked to do anything other than nod. I didn't move except to lower my wand a little to let him take a step back then quickly skirt around me. Normally I wouldn't have let anyone who did that to Britt get away so easily, but my parents had warned me about getting into any more fights, and Puck would be kind of mad if I sent his friend to the Hospital Wing. I turned to find Brittany and Kurt both still on the floor, staring up at me. Kurt looked nervous, but I couldn't work out what Brittany was thinking. I offered a hand to her and after a momentary pause, she took it and I pulled her to her feet.

"Are you okay?" I asked. My eyes were searching her for any sign of damage, because if Karofsky had actually hurt her I'd march after him and hex him till he didn't know what day it was, never mind what might happen to me. I couldn't find any injuries though, and she nodded.

"I'm fine."

I hesitated for a second, wanting to make sure, but then I realised that next to Brittany's feet Kurt was still on the floor. My eyes shifted to him, and I noticed that tiny tremors were running through him.

"You?" I tried not to be too blunt, but he still flinched and nodded quickly. I rolled my eyes and grabbed his hand to pull him up as well. "Stay here much longer and he'll be back for more. You coming to Divination or not?"

He nodded again, but still wouldn't speak. I tried to make an effort to be nice for once and just get more of the same expressions of terror I see every day. I linked little fingers with Brittany, only realising after I'd done it that it was the first time in weeks. Her finger felt warm next to mine, and curled perfectly around to grip tightly. It was nice, just having that tiny contact back. Together we continued towards my least favourite class, and I was vaguely aware of Kurt trailing along behind us. I only took Divination because Brittany wanted to, and she still loved it, but it was all mumbo jumbo to me. I couldn't read tea leaves to save my life.

We were silent all the way to class apart from the occasional glance at each other, and Kurt was smart enough to know not to say anything. I released Brittany's finger with regret only when we reached the ladder to let her climb up.

"Miss Pierce, you're late! Hurry to your seat! Now as I was saying- Miss Lopez! Also late, seat!" Professor Fernsby took a deep, calming breath and straightened his velvet top hat as I sat next to Britt, but just as he started to speak again Kurt's head appeared through the trapdoor. "For goodness sake! Sit!"

Kurt's eyes widened in alarm and he dropped down in the seat next to me that was closest to the trapdoor, apparently more nervous of Professor Fernsby's reaction if he walked across the room to the only other available seat than of sharing a table with me. Professor Fernsby was known for being a little unpredictable at times - right now he was smoothing down his bright purple jacket as he stared intently at the trapdoor, daring anyone else to climb through it and interrupt him. When no one else emerged, he muttered something under his breath and turned his attention back to the class.

"As I was saying before being so rudely interrupted, we shall be continuing our previous work on libanomancy. Collect your incense and work in threes to interpret the smoke using the questions you worked on last class. You will be expected to present your results to the class after 40 minutes, so keep notes!" As people started rising from their tables to collect the incense stacked at the back of the room, he called out again. "Remember to _feel_ before selecting your incense! _Feel_ to ensure you select the one that will produce the best divining for you!"

"Off you go then, Britt," I grinned across at her. She grinned back, a little hesitantly, and hopped up from her seat to wind her way through the circular tables. Whenever Professor Fernsby started going on about _feeling_ which incense or tea cup or bird eggs to pick out, Brittany was always the one who went because whenever I picked out something no one could get anything from it. At least if she chose, she could make some sense of it - for me, it was still useless.

Drumming my fingers on the tablecloth, I saw Kurt edging his seat away. "I don't bite," I told him, raising an eyebrow. Just because I hung around with Puck and Karofsky and Azimio didn't mean I went around hexing everyone - well okay, I did go around hexing people, but only those who deserved it. And I didn't have a problem with Kurt; he'd never done anything to upset me or Brittany. He didn't respond and I sighed, turning my head to look for Brittany. She was coming back towards us with a handful of bright purple incense in one hand and a stand in the other, and smiled when she saw me watching her. I smiled back warmly, suddenly feeling inexplicably happy - at least, it was inexplicable until I realised she was smiling at me just like she had before her breakup with Mike, with no hint of regret or hurt in her expression. Were the weeks of blinked-away tears, awkward glances and ignoring me for Artie finally done with?

"Here, I'll set it up," I offered, taking it from her, my fingers brushing against hers. She didn't even flinch, there was just a tiny pause as our eyes met. She thanked me and settled back in her seat, and I pushed the incense into the slots in the holder then lit them one by one with my wand. "Alright, what questions have we got?" I wondered aloud, digging in my bag for my book only to find Brittany pushing hers in front of me so I could see it, a sheet of notes marking the right place. She was already leaning in and pressing the tip of her wand to the incense holder.

"May we ask?" she said formally, prompting a large billow of smoke rise from the incense. Professor Fernsby was a big believer in being polite while divining. "Okay, um…" She glanced back at her book. "What will the weather be like next week?" For a moment nothing happened, and then the smoke began to drift into shapes that even I could recognise - clouds.

"Scottish weather at its finest," I muttered with a roll of my eyes, but I couldn't help but smile when I heard Brittany giggle. "Alright, my turn. Come on, incense." I pressed my wand against the holder and looked down to find the next question. "Is danger about?" I stared intently at the smoke, which continued to rise steadily through the air without change. I tried again; it was supposed to at least indicate a 'no' if that was the answer. "Is there danger for anyone nearby?" Still nothing. "Ugh, specifics - danger for anyone in this room?" The smoke began to change, so slowly that at first I thought it was nothing.

"Santana, it's working! It's yes!" Brittany exclaimed after a few seconds of tense silence as the smoke drifted towards Kurt. "Oh, wait, that's not good…" I looked up to see his eyes widen, but then it got close enough for him to reach and he quickly lifted his hand to wave it away so that the smoke dissipated into the air. "Why are you in danger, Kurt?" Brittany whispered urgently, leaning across the table to examine him with worry. I found her little finger under the table and squeezed it to reassure her.

"It's probably nothing, it's not like I'm a reliable diviner," I pointed out.

"Yeah, it's… I'm not in danger," Kurt agreed, in a voice too quiet to make me believe he was telling the truth. My thoughts shot back to Karofsky knocking him down in the corridor earlier. It wasn't the first time I'd seen it - in fact, now I thought about it, Karofsky had always seemed to have a problem with Kurt. "Let's not include that in the presentation," he said in a stronger voice, flipping through his notes with a shaky hand to find a question of his own. I glanced across to check that Professor Fernsby hadn't noticed - because if he had he would certainly bring it up in our presentation - but fortunately he was engrossed in Tina's loudly crackling incense while sipping from a tiny yellow teacup. Bizarre man.

It was the only response I got from the incense for the whole class. Kurt fared a little better, getting three or four smoke changes, and Brittany of course got an answer to basically every question she asked, which meant that she did most of the presentation as well. Professor Fernsby shook his head in disappointment when I told him I'd had no luck with the incense, but he wasn't exactly surprised. It didn't matter that I had to admit it in front of the whole class, either - it was common knowledge that Santana Lopez considered Divination a waste of a class. Muggles on the Pierces' television were way more precise at working out what the weather was going to do than incense smoke.

But for once, it hadn't been that much of a waste. Even though I hadn't got anything useful from the incense - except perhaps an awareness to watch out for Kurt in case that danger prediction really was true - for the first time in weeks, things had been normal between me and Brittany. It was like nothing had ever changed, and it was wonderful. At the bottom of the ladder I took her little finger again and she smiled across at me brightly. We walked together down the corridor and to the many flights of stairs that would take us to the Great Hall, in silent content until we were halfway down and suddenly she paused.

"Oh, wait - Santana, I forgot. I'm meant to be meeting Artie outside his classroom…" She trailed off and stared at the floor, and suddenly everything was awkward again.

I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let her drift away again.

"I'm sorry," I muttered under my breath, risking a glance up after a few seconds. She was surprised.

"For… for what?" She sounded hopeful. Dammit, I hadn't meant to give her ideas that she'd been right after all about that whole… _love_ thing.

"You know… for yelling, and overreacting and stuff, when we were in Hogsmeade. You can… date Artie if you want. I mean, it's not that I get _why_ you'd want to date him, but you're right. It's your choice and I shouldn't have got mad at you. Okay?"

I'd barely finished speaking when she barrelled into me, her arms wrapping around me and squeezing so tight that it was hard to breathe, but I didn't mind in the slightest. I breathed in her smell, my face buried into the side of her neck, and hugged her back as hard as I could to let her know I'd missed her just as much as she'd missed me.

"I'm sorry, too," she whispered directly into my ear.

"Why are you sorry?" I asked, pulling away. Sorry for ignoring me? Sorry for dating Artie? She was looking over my shoulder rather than at my face.

"Because I started this, with what I said. And… I guess... you were right, about me being… confused." A wave of relief ran through me. I'd been right all along. But she was still talking, and still not looking at me. "You were right, so we can just go back to how we were before, yeah? We should just go back to that, except now it's Artie instead of Mike."

"We can do that," I agreed immediately. Finally her eyes shifted back to me and my stomach churned at seeing the gratefulness there. Wait, but why was I feeling bad about this? This was great! Everything was going back to how it should be! "You should go find Artie, then you guys can sit with us at the Slytherin table. And maybe he can come to that party next weekend too?" I suggested. I had to make her feel like it was okay, because even if I didn't like him, she did. I couldn't let my dislike of him hurt our friendship any further than it already had. I would not lose Brittany.

"Yeah, that's a great idea!" she nodded enthusiastically. She stepped forward to hug me one more time, and I felt her lips press against my cheek. It burned my skin, but when she pulled away I wished her lips were still there. "I'll see you in a bit!" she called as she hurried back up the stairs, towards Artie's classroom.

She'd get over him soon enough, anyway.

* * *

><p><em>2 days later<em>

"Have you seen Brittany recently?" Sugar just shook her head and continued doing her nails without even a glance in my direction. "Anyone? Becky?" I snapped, getting edgy. We always ate a late lunch together on Saturdays, so where was she?

Becky looked up from her chocolate cake and shrugged. Ugh, I had to ask _him_, didn't I? The idea that Artie might know where Brittany was when I didn't was infuriating, but he was the only person I hadn't asked yet. I pulled my bag over my shoulder and begrudgingly walked over to the end of the Hufflepuff table where Artie was sitting with Finn. Finn, really? Since when had they been friends? I guess it fit – if Finn wasn't on the quidditch team he'd be as much of a loser as Artie.

"When did you last see Brittany?" I asked, knocking the leg of the bench to get Artie's attention. He blinked up at me and I rolled my eyes. "Come on, it's not that hard a question. Are you deaf as well as everything else?" He looked mildly offended and I was tempted to knock his stupid glasses right off his face. Lucky for him, he seemed to suddenly realise my mood and quickly spoke up.

"She was looking for her cat about an hour ago. I offered to help but I don't think she heard me, and I couldn't keep up when she ran off…"

I turned away to head towards the large double doors. I didn't need to know anything else from him. I knew all the places Brittany looked when Charity went missing - something he obviously hadn't learnt yet, which wasn't a surprise. He knew nothing about her. Outside was my best bet, because Brittany always worried that Charity would start a fight with something bigger than her and get hurt.

I peered around as I stood in the main doors, searching for her, but without any luck. It was drizzling a little, but not too bad. Just at that annoying level that would make my hair look terrible after. I turned right towards the Forbidden Forest so I could work my way around the edge of the grounds.

"Britt? Brittany?" I called as I circled the greenhouses to move closer to the lake. Hearing a noise behind me I spun, but it was just an owl perched on a ledge at the side of the castle. It began to rain harder and I groaned aloud, fishing in my pocket for my wand to make a shield above my head that would deflect most of the water. I could see from here that she wasn't along the edge of the lake, so I turned to my left and closer to the Forbidden Forest. If Charity really had been hurt - which was unlikely, I didn't think she was quite stupid enough to take on a centaur or thestral - it would be in that area. "Brittany, are you there?" I shouted again as I walked down the tree line, scanning the area. I was about to start back towards the castle to check by the quidditch pitch on the other side of the grounds, when I noticed movement to one side. I turned in that direction and squinted, and sure enough there was a blonde head just next to the Whomping Willow.

I hurried forward, and as I approached I realised she was sat in the wet grass, her arms wrapped around herself. My stomach dropped. Had Charity really been hurt? She would be devastated…

"Brittany!" I called one last time, but she didn't even look in my direction. My jog slowed to a walk as I reached the top of the slight hill and I saw a ball of ginger fluff lying immobile a few metres away. Every few seconds a hefty branch of the Whomping Willow swung dangerously close to Brittany and directly over the ball of fluff. I dropped to my knees next to her and immediately noticed the scratches on her bare hands and arms.

"Brittany," I murmured, placing a hand gently on her shoulder. She jumped violently and spun her head around. Tears were dripping slowly down her face and she looked utterly lost.

"San… Santana," she mumbled, staring at me for a few moments in shock before she leapt forward, still half-kneeling and buried her face into me, clinging on. "You h-have to get her, S-Santana. Y-you have to, I can't r-reach and she's… she… I need to know! She n-needs to be… Please, Santana, please get her," she whimpered into my shoulder. Over the top of her head I tried to look more closely at the cat. My throat felt stuck when I noticed something red matted into the ginger fur. _No, please no… Please be okay, Charity, for Brittany. _

I gulped heavily, forcing my voice to start working again.

"Okay, Britt, I'll get her." I didn't want to let go of her. I didn't want to let go because she was crying, and because when I let go I'd have to look closer at Charity. She wasn't my cat, and most of the time I complained about her bringing in animals I had to clear up, but… she was _Charity_. She was always there, whether I wanted her about or not. The swinging branch of the Whomping Willow sent an icy breeze over my face and reluctantly I released Brittany. I drew my wand from my pocket, noticing for the first time that my shield from the rain had dissipated, but it wasn't even raining now anyway. I held it out, pointing it at Charity. She was so still. Brittany's fingers were digging into my arm but I barely noticed.

"Accio Charity," I whispered. She came towards me straight away, too fast for the flailing branch that came crashing around a second later. She landed heavily next to my knees, knocking against them from the rush of movement but otherwise still not moving. I hadn't been imagining the red - it stuck to her side in a heavy layer, and her eyes were closed and she _still_ wasn't moving. I heard a squeak from my side as Brittany crawled forward, her shaking hand reaching out tenderly to try and brush away the blood. She knew more about animals than me, but even I could tell there was no hope for Charity when she was so quiet and cold and still.

"Britt, I'm sorry, I… She must've got too close to the tree," I breathed. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the cat until I heard Brittany let out a heart-clenching sob. Then I turned to her and pulled her to me, cradling her head against my chest as her hands clawed desperately at my back. I was crying too, for a stupid cat I'd never even liked, but I couldn't imagine her ever _not_ being there to annoy me with dead mice and birds, and how could I not cry with Brittany so inconsolable, curled up against me? She'd loved that cat with everything she had since the moment they were introduced in Diagon Alley. I turned my head away so I couldn't see the creature lying next to me, so obviously dead.

I lost track of time as we sat there, me staring off at the lake and Brittany clutching me tight, dampening the front of my shirt with her tears. When I realised her crying had slowed considerably I began to stroke one hand softly through her hair, finally working my way round to her face to wipe away her remaining tears. She shifted so she could look up at me, her head resting in my lap and her eyes still shimmering.

"We n-need to bury her, okay? We need to bury her properly, like… like with a funeral, and a big stone where she's… b-buried…" She burrowed her face into me as she trailed off, sniffling again. I leaned down to gather her up in my arms, gently kissing her forehead.

"Of course, Brittany. We'll do all that," I assured her, wiping away the fresh tears that had appeared on her face. I had to look at Charity again. I had to do it; I had to be strong for Brittany. I found my wand in the grass next to my leg and made sure Brittany's face was firmly directed away from the cat and into my shoulder, then turned my head to look again. Charity was lying in the exact same position she'd landed on the floor in - of course she was. I cleared my throat, then whispered the spell I needed as quietly as possible so that Brittany wouldn't be able to hear. Slowly the blood siphoned off the fur and dripped onto the grass, fading into the mud, but watching it made me feel sick. Another spell dried her fur, but that almost made it worse for me because now she was just like normal - like she was just sleeping, and in five minutes she'd jump up and start chasing a squealing frog.

"Where do you want her buried?" I asked quietly, turning all my attention back to Brittany. She was sodden, and I wondered how long she'd been out here alone with Charity before I found her. Suddenly remembering the scratches on her arms I gently manoeuvred one of her arms from around my back to examine them. She must have tried to reach her cat but been stopped by the Whomping Willow. At least they weren't too deep.

"By the lake," she murmured, her head turning away to stare at a familiar spot we'd sat by many times - one particular grassy patch at the lake's edge where Charity had always loved to lie out in the sun.

"Okay, we can do that. Do… do you want me to carry her?" I asked.

She paused, still staring down at the lake, then straightened in my arms to turn to look at Charity. Her eyes widened a bit when she saw that the blood was gone, but then her shoulders slumped and she shook her head.

"No, I'll do it," she decided. Her arms retracted from around me and she shuffled over, scooping Charity up ever so tenderly into her arms. She swayed a little as she stood and I jumped to my feet, ready to catch her, but then I realised she was just rocking Charity slowly back and forth. New tears were forming and dropping down onto the cat, and I wrapped an arm securely around her waist as we walked towards the lake. My wand was ready in my hand, and as we approached I sent the appropriate spell at a spot of grass near the edge, which began digging itself up. We paused nearby as my magic did its work and I wrapped my other arm around her, staring down at Charity with her.

"You want to say anything?"

There was silence for a little bit, and then finally she spoke.

"Ch-Charity, you were an amazing cat. You never did learn how to bring me things when I asked, but you always brought me your own presents. I'm sorry I always made Santana clean them up, but Sugar hated the smell if I left them there. You… I… I'll miss you. I'll miss you s-_so_ much." She bent down and pressed a gentle kiss to Charity's head, several tears dripping down her nose to wet the ginger fur. Noticing that blood had started to collect on the cat's back again, I pressed one hand on Brittany's shoulder, encouraging her. She was trembling as she lifted her head from Charity and I walked with her as she stepped forward towards the hole.

"I… I can't put her in there. It's too muddy, she'll get all muddy," she said. She was shaking even more now, and I quickly released her to pull off my jacket, holding it out for her. She looked up at me, biting down on her lower lip as she tried to stop herself crying any more, and then gradually lowered Charity into my jacket. I was as gentle as I could be as I folded the sleeves in to wrap around her, tactically hiding the growing patch of blood, and then rolled the rest of the jacket in to cocoon her. I left her face until last, but the moment the dark material covered it Brittany let out another sob and fell against my shoulder. I felt more wetness on my own cheeks as I crouched to place the bundle into the hole. Flashes of the only other funeral I'd ever been to kept running through my head, and it wasn't helping me stop crying. I needed to stop, I needed to be strong for Brittany. My legs began to ache and I forced myself to my feet, leaving the bundle at the bottom of the hole.

The moment I was standing I felt Brittany's arms curl around me again. I flicked my wand and muttered the words, and the dirt began to dig itself back into the hole, over Charity. Brittany couldn't even watch, her face was buried against my neck again and she was quivering against my hold. I drew tiny circles into her back with my thumb. I wished I could say something, but I didn't know what. No one had ever been able to say anything about Tony that helped me, and I knew that mentioning that she could get another cat would be worthless at this point. She didn't want another cat, she wanted Charity. Even _I_ wanted Charity back right now.

The last of the soil packed itself into place and I was left staring at a muddy patch surrounded by grass, nothing else displaying the fact that Charity was lying there. Brittany was right, it needed a stone. I summoned a few flat rocks from beside the lake until I found one that was decent, and tugged Brittany forward to press it into the ground above Charity.

"What do you want it to say?"

She looked lost again, but then she reached into her pocket for her own wand. Slowly, letters began to carve into the rock.

_Charity Pierce  
>5 ½ years old<br>Best present giver in the world_

Her wand dropped to the ground and I wrapped her in my arms again. It was cold now, without my jacket, and starting to rain once more. Big, heavy drops were plopping into the lake, and a distant rumble of thunder sounded overhead.

"We should go inside, Brittany," I told her. She nodded and I helped her to her feet, pocketing both our wands. My arms remaining around her as we trudged back towards the castle. She kept glancing back towards the lake, and I did too. I found the closest side door and helped her through - her whole body was limp, and she hadn't said anything since pointing out the hole was too muddy. I took the most obscure corridors I knew to lead her up to the appropriate floor, finally arriving at the familiar patch of wall. "Choose whatever you want, Britt," I told her. I tried to release her so she could walk, but she pulled me along as she moved back and forth, her brow furrowed. The door appeared and we stepped through together into the same room we'd been visiting since first year. I couldn't see anything different though - I'd been expecting some of Charity's toys or maybe a litter tray, but there was none of that. It looked just like it always did.

"I just want you," she whispered, as if reading my thoughts. I turned to look at her, and was glad to see she wasn't crying anymore. But the intensity with which she was looking at me was making me nervous. "Please. Tonight, just you. _Please_."

"Okay, okay. Of course," I assured her. Now I was even more nervous. We hadn't done anything like _that_ in… it had been weeks! And I'd been craving it a bit, but I figured it was best to let her get things straight in her head. I guessed that now it was all sorted though, since we'd had that talk after Divination. "But first, I'm going to get you some food because I know you haven't eaten today. So get dry and find some clothes, and I'll be back soon. Is that okay?" I asked. I didn't want to leave her on her own, but she really needed to eat. Luckily she nodded, but she looked worried still. I stepped forward impulsively and leaned up, kissing her softly. It was a joyous release from the last hour or so. No one else could make me feel as good as Britt could when she kissed me. After a few seconds I reluctantly pulled back, brushing her hair out of her face. "I'll be back as soon as I can, I promise. Okay?"

"Okay," she agreed. I watched her for a moment more, then took a deep breath and turned to exit the room.

I broke into a jog as soon as I was out the door, hurrying down the corridor to the closest flight of stairs and down towards the elf kitchens. I ignored everyone who called out to me, until I reached the entrance hall and ran straight into Puck. I sighed in irritation and was about to dart past him when he stepped to the side to block my path.

"Where are you going? You're like half an hour late, I thought you weren't coming."

"What are you on about? I need to go," I replied, attempting to sidestep him again and failing when he matched my movements.

"What am I on about? The date I booked at that fancy restaurant for tonight?"

"Ugh Puck, seriously, now is not the time. I have better things to do than talk feelings shit with you," I snapped. Could he have any worse timing? Not that a fancy _feelings_ date with Puck was ever at a good time.

"What is with you recently? I'm trying to make an effort and you're throwing it back in my face!" Puck protested, throwing his arms up in the air. He looked genuinely frustrated, and it surprised me, not that I cared.

"What's with _me_? What's with you? What happened to how we were before, where we never had to worry about anything except what flavour pizza to get and how to perfect silencing spells? What made you think I wanted fancy restaurant dates?"

"Well sorry for making the effort to try and be a decent boyfriend, should've known all you wanted was a regular fuckbuddy."

"Fuck you! Don't act like you were any different till you got these crazy ideas in your head, you wanted everything just the same as me! It's not like I _need _you about, I could get any guy I wanted in this school!" I pointed out. I really didn't need him anymore. He'd been useful for my status for a while, but now I had that anyway with or without him. It would be good to liven things up a bit - there had to be some guy in this school who was as good at sex as Brittany was.

"Fine, go on then! It's not like I'm short of options either," Puck yelled, stepping forward. I grabbed his arm and shoved him to the side as I stepped past, wishing I was bigger or he was smaller so that I could actually make him move more than just one step back.

"Good luck with that!" I shouted over my shoulder. Fuck him. I didn't need him. I had Britt waiting for me upstairs, and at the party this weekend I could find some other guy to drool over me at the appropriate times.

Marching into the elf kitchens, I demanded all of Brittany's favourite foods, the adrenaline from my fight with Puck still coursing through me. I was done with him, and good riddance. So much that he did annoyed me, and now I was free of him. I grabbed the tray from the trembling elf and left quickly as soon as I'd checked that everything was there, hurrying up the castle and very glad Puck had left the entrance hall when I passed it a second time.

I pushed open the door to the Room of Requirement with the tray held tight against my body with one arm so it wouldn't fall over, peering around for Brittany straight away. The lights were dimmer than when I'd left, but I soon found her lying belly-down on the bed, changed into dry clothes and her face buried into a pillow. I approached slowly, setting the tray down on a table and grabbing a few items from it as I settled down on the bed. I reached out and rubbed her back lightly when she didn't move.

"I'm sorry I took a while, had a bit of a run-in with Puck," I told her quietly. "I got some of your favourite foods. Apple pie, and jam tarts, and toffee ice cream-"

"Puck?" she interrupted, turning her head to look up at me. My stomach twisted when I saw she'd been crying again.

"Yeah, doesn't matter. Apparently I was meant to go on some date tonight and he got pissed. So… I figured it was time I moved on to better things. He's been annoying me for weeks."

"Wait, you broke up with Puck?" she asked urgently, half-sitting up and staring at me with wide eyes. I nodded slowly. Wasn't that what I had just said?

I was completely unprepared for her lips to crash against mine, pulling me down against the mattress and her hands curling around my neck, pulling me closer as she kissed me frantically. The food I had picked up fell onto the duvet but I paid it no attention, my arms wrapping around her back to keep her close as I responded, breathing in the intoxication of Brittany as it burned through me. She was already struggling with the buttons of my shirt and as her thigh pressed between my legs and wonderful, familiar sensations began to shoot through me, I decided that the food would have to wait. Weeks of nothing but Puck had left me dreaming of this, and now it was happening again I reminded myself to never let it stop.

* * *

><p><strong>Drawing to go with this chapter can be found here - laurasfantasia. tumblr. com<strong>

**/post/21111153153/whompingwillow**


	18. Special

**Chapter 18: Special**

_May, Fifth Year_

If it hadn't been for what had prompted it and all my feelings that made it so complicated, this week would have been perfect. Santana had been by my side constantly. Every lesson and every meal, even when Artie's there (I know she still doesn't like him). But also every night, in the Room of Requirement. I haven't slept in my own bed once this week. No one in my dorm even asks about it, because they all just think I'm staying in the Slytherin dorm. I hated that losing Charity was what caused all this, but Puck was gone, and even though we couldn't kiss or do anything like that when other people were about, it was almost like me and Santana were actually together, like a real couple. I knew that technically I was still with Artie, and he was just as nice as normal, but… there's always Santana. Always, she's always there. Enough that sometimes I could forget about everything she'd said and just pretend.

"Brittany, are you listening?"

My eyes jerked away from Santana and back to Artie, his words jolting me out of my own head.

"What?"

He shook his head - he probably just thought it was me acting weird again, like when I'm distracted and I say whatever comes into my head without filtering it.

"Are you okay? You've been acting weird ever since… you know."

Charity. Why did he have to remind me? Santana never talked about it unless I brought up the subject first.

"I'm fine." Liar. But I couldn't exactly tell him I was in love with her. She hadn't even let me tell her. I had to tell her I was confused so we could go back to how we were before because I couldn't stand her not being there, even though I had Artie. "Are you excited for the party tonight?" I asked, trying to distract him. I pasted a smile on my face - the same smile that kept fooling Santana. She was supposed to know me better than anyone, couldn't she tell how much it hurt? Or did she just not want to notice?

He nodded, but he still looked worried. So he could see through my smile, but Santana couldn't. She could still make me smile more than anyone else though.

"Yeah, it should be good. Are you sure no one will mind me coming?"

That time he did make me smile for real. It was cute how he was so worried about what everyone else would think. He'd never been to a big party like tonight's before, and I was kind of excited about it.

"Artie, there'll be so many people there no one will even notice you. And anyway, I'll be with you and no one will dare say anything bad to me w-with Santana there." I wondered if he'd noticed my slip-up. He looked at me strangely, then went back to his bacon. "You'll come to the Slytherin corridor at ten? Finn and Matt will be waiting there too."

"Okay, sure. And I don't need to bring anything?"

"No, I told you. Just your lovely self," I reassured him with a kiss on the cheek. "I can't wait, it's going to be such a great party."

And Santana to come back to afterwards…

* * *

><p>"Three… two… one!"<p>

The liquid burned my throat as I gulped it down, and I slammed the shot glass back down onto Santana's bedside table.

"_Ugh_, how can you drink that?" Quinn exclaimed, her face twisting up as her hand chased down a cup of slightly less foul-tasting alcohol and took a deep swallow. Santana smirked and I laughed in response as she stoppered the bottle of dragon vodka and tossed it onto her bed, dropping down next to the bottle immediately after. I took two quick steps then bounced up next to her, curling around her and giggling as Quinn kept making funny faces. It wasn't _that_ bad.

I heard a sigh and I looked around quickly, my head swivelling until I found Rachel on the opposite side of the room, glaring at us through the gap in her curtains. I jumped off the bed, ignoring Santana's protest, and skipped across the stone floor to divebomb through the gap and straight onto Rachel's bed.

"Ahh! Brittany, what are you _doing_?" she shouted, clutching a book to her chest.

I grinned, crawling up the bed to sit next to her and wrapping both arms around her.

"You should come out with us," I whispered. Except I didn't think I whispered very well, because across the room I heard Santana snort.

"I really don't think that's a good idea, Brittany."

"But _why_? You should! Finn's coming, you like Finn." She blushed, and I knew I was right. Ha! "And Artie's coming, and Santana says he's only a few notches above you in popularity. You'll have so much _fun_! You never come to our parties except for that one time after quidditch. Come _on_, Finn will love it if you're there," I continued, trying to persuade her.

"I… I don't know, Brittany…"

"_Please?_ Just drink with us now and decide later? I'll help you with Finn if you don't know what to do."

"I guess…"

"Yes!" I shouted, grabbing her wrist and yanking her up and away from her bed.

"Wait Brittany, wait, my book!" she called from behind me as I heard a thud, but that didn't matter, she was coming!

"Here, here, you have to catch up!" I told her, dropping to my knees to find a cup and fishing out a few of the bottles stored under Santana's bed so I could make an amazing mixed drink for her. But wait, wasn't I supposed to put something else in this? Maybe. Never mind. "Here!" I scrambled to my feet and presented the cup of dark liquid to her proudly. "Drink it, come on!" Behind her, Santana was raising an eyebrow and Quinn was trying not to laugh. She obviously wasn't trying very hard though, because when Rachel took a sip of the drink then spat it back out, Quinn burst into laughter. "Don't you like it?" I asked in dismay.

"It's… uh… it's a little strong," Rachel muttered, her face twisted up even worse than Quinn's had been. Santana stepped forward to pluck the cup from her hand with a roll of her eyes, but as soon as she took a sip her face turned the same.

"Britt, did you put any mixer in this at all?" she gasped. So that's what else was meant to go in it! I knew there was something.

"I forgot…" I told her with a shrug. Then I smiled, because she couldn't be mad if I smiled. She rolled her eyes and began dividing the liquid between three more cups, then adding pumpkin juice to it as well. She handed one to me first and I smiled as I drank it, almost spilling a bit down my chin but catching it just in time with my finger and wiping it away.

"This tastes awesome," I said, my eyes focused solely on Santana's face as she sipped from her own cup. "You want to know what else tastes awesome?" I whispered, smirking as I took a step forward. Her eyes widened and darted to the side, and I looked to find what she was looking at. Oh, Quinn. I forgot she was there. And Rachel too. "Uh…" I gulped as I thought quickly. "Apples! Apples taste awesome. Rachel, do you have apples we can eat with these drinks?" I asked, turning to her. She looked confused.

"No… should I?"

"No, it's okay. Apples would have been good, that's all," I reassured her, meeting Santana's eyes once more. She was smirking again, and I smirked back. She knew what I really meant. It was like another code, just for us. I liked our codes. In fact, I wanted to use another. "Santana, do you have pepper-up potions for tonight? Lots of them?" I asked. Realising my cup was empty - weird, I'd just got it a minute ago, I guess it really did taste awesome - I stepped forward to lift her cup to my mouth, my fingers over hers. As I drank I kept my eyes on her face, and I could see her gulp when I licked my lips after.

"Yeah, plenty," she replied breathily.

"Awesome," I repeated. I wanted to make some sort of sign to carry on our code-talk, but I couldn't think of anything, so I just walked back over to Rachel instead. Rachel would be a good distraction tonight, I thought, until me and Santana could get back to the Room of Requirement. I peered into her cup to find it was still half-full.

"Drink up!"

* * *

><p>I stumbled across the grass with a yelp and Santana's arms reached around me to hold me close.<p>

"Shh, Britt, we've got to be quiet remember?" she whispered. I nodded as seriously as possible, but then I laughed aloud when I realised she wasn't going to let me go. Her arms were still around me, in front of all our friends. Her hand reached up to press against my lips and I stuck my tongue out, trying to draw letters in her hand as she muffled my giggles, but it was a lot harder than I thought. I twisted in her arms to see Artie behind us talking with Finn and waved to him until Santana spun me around again.

"Don't worry about him, we need to get you into the tunnel before you wake the professors," she hissed. I nodded, because that made sense, but also because it meant I got to be with her more. I rested my head on her shoulder and sighed happily, and she took her hand away from my mouth. I tripped again when one of my heels got stuck in the mud, but she caught me and kept me up. She always does, she's amazing like that.

"You're amazing," I told her. I loved her so much when she was like this, when she was just taking care of me and not caring what anyone else thought. But I loved everything about her, except when she got mad. I lifted my head from her shoulder to look ahead, then stopped. The whomping willow. I didn't want to go near the whomping willow. It hurt Charity. "Santana, no," I whispered, pulling on her arm so she had to stop as well. "I don't wanna…"

"C'mon Britt, you know this is the way."

"But… but _Santana_…" I needed a reason, a good reason. I didn't want to go there.

"It'll be fine, Brittany, I promise. I'll be with you, and Matt's already stopped the tree," she said, gesturing in front to the frozen branches. I shook my head frantically. I didn't want to! Why were we going this way? Where were we going? "It's the way to the party." I must have spoken aloud without realising. "Close your eyes, okay?" I looked across at her and she nodded encouragingly, so I did what she said. She tugged on me gently and I let myself walk slowly forward. Her arms were still around me so I leaned into her again and let her lead me forward, pretending I didn't know where we were going. My foot hit something sticking out of the ground but she was holding me so tight that I didn't fall. I could hear Quinn behind, talking to Rachel, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I figured that meant they couldn't hear me either.

"Did you like my code-talk earlier?" I asked, smiling into her neck. Her breath blew a strand of hair out of my face as she laughed.

"Loved it," she whispered back. There was a pause, then her lips pressed briefly against my forehead. "Just remember when there're other people around, yeah?" she reminded me. Don't mention it around other people. That was the first rule we'd ever had.

"But Quinn already knows," I pondered aloud, "and you always say you don't care about Rachel, so surely they-"

"Brittany." She didn't sound happy now. She sounded worried, and kind of angry. I knew I shouldn't talk about that anymore.

"Sorry," I whispered. I wished we could talk properly. I wished I didn't have to pretend. I opened my eyes and surged forward through the gap in the tree trunk into the passage below before I could get scared again. "I'll wait for Artie," I muttered when Santana followed me a moment later, looking confused.

"I just-"

"It's fine. I should wait for Artie." I really should. He was my boyfriend, he was the one I should want to spend time with. I shook my head to tell her I couldn't go with her, and also to try and help me think straight. "Artie," I repeated.

"Fine."

She was gone so quickly. Did she really not care? Of course she cared, she'd been taking care of me ever since we took that last shot and I almost fell down the stairs leaving the dorm. Then why wouldn't she talk? Why did I have to pretend? Why why-

"Brittany!"

I turned, blinking quickly to see Artie smiling at me. I hadn't spoken to him much at all. That was wrong, I needed to speak to him more because I'd persuaded him to come, even though I just wanted to chase after Santana.

"We're gonna have fun," I assured him, taking his hand and starting down the tunnel. Ahead I could see Santana walking alone. She didn't look back.

It didn't take long before we could hear the thumping of the music. I nodded my head along with it as I walked hand in hand with Artie, tapping my foot whenever I could although that was hard to do while walking. But as we got closer, Artie kept walking even slower. I just wanted to get inside now, and do shots and dance and do matchmaking with Rachel and Finn, because they obviously liked each other even though neither of them would admit it.

"Artie, come on!" I encouraged him, tugging his arm to try and make him go faster. "There's nothing to be scared of, it's just a party! Hurry, we're missing it!"

He let me pull him along and I grinned, victorious, the music now beating in my ears and all through me as we stepped through the door and into the chaotic din of the party. Lights flashed from the ceiling and someone knocked me back against Artie. He shouted something but I didn't pay attention and just pulled him further into the party towards the room that always held the drinks, waving hi to everyone I knew - which was basically everyone. I didn't even make it to the drinks table when I felt a cup being pushed into my hand from one of the seventh year Gryffindors with a wink. I took a deep gulp, then felt something tapping my arm and turned to find Artie.

"Should you be drinking that?" he shouted into my ear above the music. "What if he put something in it?"

I laughed loudly. "Don't be silly! That's just-" I turned in the direction he'd gone to remind myself which of the Gryffindors it had been. There were three of them who always gave me drinks and made out with me sometimes. "That was Michael. He wouldn't do that, he's nice. Not as nice as you, though," I added with a grin, leaning down to kiss him. It felt weird leaning down. It wasn't that far, but normally the only person I had to lean down to kiss was Santana, and Artie definitely didn't kiss me like Santana.

I pulled back after giving him one last peck on the lips then turned to carry on to the drinks table, because Artie still didn't have anything. I pushed our way through the crowded room and into the doorway of what had once been a kitchen, but then I stopped. Artie bumped into me, and I could hear him speaking, but I couldn't look away from Santana backed up against the wall by some Ravenclaw guy I didn't even know the name of. I was burning up, my whole body wanted to run over and tear them apart, but I couldn't do anything. If I did, she'd get mad and Artie would be confused and it would just ruin everything. I had to let her do this.

"You can have my drink," I said, pushing the cup into his hand and then past him into the other room so I didn't have to watch. Why did she have to do that? Wasn't I enough for her? I quickly spotted Rachel standing awkwardly at the side of the room and hurried over to her. I could do this. Santana could do her thing and I could do mine, and tonight we'd just go back to the Room of Requirement together and everything would be okay. "Why aren't you talking to Finn?" I asked her straight away, accidentally bumping into her.

She shrugged, shifting uncomfortably. "He's off talking to his quidditch friends."

"What? But why? He's supposed to be talking to you! Let me get him."

"What? No, Brittany, wait-"

I didn't hear anything else she said because I was marching over to him. I knew he liked her, why wasn't he talking to her? That's what you're supposed to do when you like someone. I talked to Santana non-stop.

"Finn!"

He turned with a big smile.

"Hi Britt!"

There was a chorus of other hellos from the rest of our quidditch team, but it was Finn I wanted to talk to.

"Why aren't you talking to Rachel? She came here because of you," I told him. Next to him Derek snickered, and I glared. Why was he laughing? I was trying to have a serious conversation. But Finn was shifting on his feet and glancing over at Derek.

"Britt, I'm talking to these guys-"

I didn't let him finish. He was being mean, not talking to Rachel when she came here for him. I grabbed a handful of his shirt and pulled him so he had to follow, with all of our teammates laughing now. Finn's cheeks were red but I didn't care that they were laughing. I had to stop on the way back to Rachel though, because someone stepped in front of me.

"Miss me?" a familiar voice asked.

I looked up and gaped when I realised who it was - Gabe! Puck's older brother! I hadn't seen him since he left Hogwarts, and he'd changed so much-

"You hair!" I gasped, as I took in the short brown curls where dreadlocks used to be.

He laughed and rubbed a hand over his head with a nod.

"Had to get rid of it when I got my job. I'm working with Welsh Greens, can't have them setting my head alight," he pointed out with a grin, dropping an arm over my shoulders and summoning a drink from across the room to hand to me. I drank a little, and was surprised at how good it was. It was funny, I couldn't remember Gabe ever being so nice to me before. "Maybe you could come along some time, I could show you around? And your friend, the girl Puck was dating - is she looking as gorgeous as you? She could come too," he suggested, and suddenly I felt unsure, remembering all I had heard about him while he had been at school. Santana had always told me to stay away from him at parties.

"It's amazing what two years can do," he murmured in my ear, slipping behind me and pressing against my back as he began to move us with the music. "Of course you were always pretty, I saw that. But now look at you…" His breath was hot in my ear and his hands were too tight around me so I couldn't make any space between us. His lips grazed the back of my neck as his fingers slipped under the hem of my top and I felt cold all over. My nails dug sharply into his wrist just enough for his arms to loosen so I could slip away just as Finn spoke up. I'd forgotten he was there.

"Hey Gabe, um… I'm not sure you should be-"

"You her boyfriend?" Gabe asked with a raised eyebrow, stepping forward. Finn quickly shook his head. "Then stay out of it."

"But I do have a boyfriend," I said immediately after, searching for Artie. My breathing was coming faster than it usually did. Where was he? Finally I saw him struggling to get through the crowd towards us, but something was wrong with one of his legs and he was having trouble walking. "There he is." I pointed, but Gabe didn't look interested any more. He was looking in the opposite direction. "Artie. His name's Artie."

Finally he looked over, then back at me with a shake of his head. "You could do better, Brittany. Way better. If you ever want that private tour around the dragon enclosure just send me an owl and I'll work it in," he told me, with that same smile I'd thought was friendly at first but now made me nervous. I took another step away, but I didn't need to because he was winking and turning away to move through the throng of people, just as Artie arrived, panting.

"What was that guy doing?" he demanded immediately. He looked so angry, I didn't want him getting hurt if he went after Gabe.

"It was… just… nothing. He was telling me about his new job," I said. He still looked angry, so I quickly thought of something else to say. "Your leg! What happened to it?"

"Some idiot spilled their drink down me, and I can't let the mechanics in them get wet or it goes stiff. Just got to wait for it to dry," he explained, still frowning. I opened my mouth to suggest that we should dance, then realised that was a bad thing to say right now. Instead I turned back to Finn as I remembered my original plan before Gabe had interrupted it.

"I'll be back," I told Artie. "Come on Finn." I tugged at his arm again and was glad to see that Rachel was still in the same place I'd left her, staring down at the floor. I was feeling much better now Gabe was off chasing after someone else. "Rachel, I found him!" I called to her. She looked up and smiled when she saw me approaching with Finn dragged behind me. "Ask her about her singing," I hissed to Finn just before we reached her. I shifted so that he was closer to her and released his arm. He took a stumbling step forward.

"Um… hi."

"Hi."

They were terrible at this. I knew they liked each other. Finn was always staring when he thought no one was looking, and one time I'd heard Rachel say his name in her sleep when I was staying with Santana. I leaned on the wall a few metres away, pretending not to listen, but then Finn looked over at me. I opened my mouth and mimed singing to remind him. He really didn't have a very good memory.

"So, uh… I hear you're good at singing?"

The way Rachel perked up it was like someone had switched on a lightbulb inside of her, and suddenly she was chattering away. I smiled to myself, because there was no one else around who would appreciate what I had just done. My smile faded when I noticed something over Rachel's shoulder - Gabe again, and all curled up around him was Santana. She had her flirting face on - all smiles and winks and pursed lips - and he was loving it. His hands were all over her as they danced, and I wondered if my stomach had actually just fallen out of my body because that was what it felt like.

"Brittany!"

I blinked quickly and jerked my head towards the sound of my name. It was Artie, and he didn't look happy. Oh no, had I just left him on the other side of the room again?

"I'm going home," he said shortly.

"What?" I asked in dismay. "But you haven't been here any time at all! You can't go now!"

"Well my leg aches and you seem to be too distracted by everyone else at this party to pay me any attention, so I'm just going to go. I'll see you tomorrow."

He started to hobble away. "Wait, Artie-" But then I glanced back to where Santana had just been, and they weren't there anymore. Where had they gone? I looked back to Artie. He was still close enough that I could catch him up easily, but… _Santana_. Where was she? What if Gabe tried something?

_Shit_.

I couldn't chase after Artie and say sorry for ignoring him when there was a chance that Santana might get hurt. I started walking in the opposite direction to him towards where Santana and Gabe had just been dancing, searching for either of them. I grabbed someone's arm and asked them, and they gestured in the direction of the corridor. Looking around there was even harder, it was packed with people. I wormed my way through to take a few steps up the stairs so I could see better, but I still couldn't find them anywhere. I was starting to get scared. If Gabe was going to hurt Santana, where would he go? It wouldn't be where lots of people were about. It would be… upstairs.

I spun around and ran up the stairs two steps at a time, my heart pounding with fear. There weren't as many few people about on this floor but still a few, so I went up the next flight of stairs to where it was even quieter apart from a few muffled moans. I tiptoed to the closest door and put my ear next to it, then pulled away quickly when I recognised Mike's voice. I didn't want to hear that. He was still ignoring me, he wouldn't like it if he knew I was listening in. The next room along was empty, but the door after that had been left slightly ajar. I approached it slowly, feeling my heartbeat pulse all over my body as I crept near enough to see.

Santana. Santana was there, with Gabe. There was a mattress on the floor, but neither of them were on it. He had her trapped up against the wall, his trousers around his ankles and her dress all bunched up at her waist as he pounded into her again and again and _again_. I couldn't let this happen. I couldn't let him do this to her! I reached out to shove the door open but just as I did she spoke, and I was frozen again.

"Yes, Gabe, yeah… just… ugh, _more_," she called out quietly to him, a strain in her voice.

I couldn't move. Those words were so familiar.

_Yes, Brittany, just there… again, more…_

I was just sex. She'd said it before. She'd said it so many times. I'd been pretending this whole week that we were something and that she just wouldn't say it aloud, but I was _wrong_, I was _nothing _to her, even now. She'd said the same to me last night as she was now to Puck's brother, when she hadn't seen him for two years and she _knew_ that I loved her. She knew! It should be different with us, it should be _special_!

"_Fuck…_ Gabe..."

_Fuck, Brittany! Again!_

I clapped both hands against my mouth as I felt the tears start to form and the coming sobs claw up my throat. I couldn't let her hear me. I took a shaky step back and a floorboard creaked. She couldn't know I was there! I turned and sprinted away. She mustn't find out I'd been watching her!

"Brittany?"

I pushed past a confused Mike and the girl he was with to leap down the stairs as fast as I could without falling over. Why? Why couldn't it mean anything? I fought my way down the last flight of stairs with more difficulty and struggled to get through the crowd, pushing people out of my way when they wouldn't move. Why wouldn't they move? I just wanted to get away!

"Move!" I shouted when one person refused to budge, blinking away my tears to glare at them.

"Brittany, what's the matter? What happened?" a voice I recognised as Quinn's asked in concern. I tried to wipe away my tears but every time I did more came. I opened my mouth to speak but my throat was dry, and I realised I was shaking when I felt Quinn's hands on my shoulders. We were moving, but I didn't know where because I couldn't see through my tears. I could taste the salt as they dripped down my cheeks to the corners of my mouth, and again I tried to wipe them all away. People were asking if I was okay from both sides. I just walked wherever Quinn was directing me and clung onto her because I had nothing else to keep me up.

Suddenly it got quieter, and a few steps further we stopped walking. Quinn moved away from my side and I reached out desperately for her, but then she was hugging me and I could just collapse into her, burying my face into her hair and letting it itch my face as I cried.

"Shh… shhh, it's okay. Brittany, it's going to be alright," she murmured to me as she stroked my hair. I hugged her tighter, not wanting to let go. Why had I ever been crazy enough to think that Santana could change? That she could actually want me in the same way I wanted her?

"'M sorry," I mumbled when I could finally talk again, lifting my face from her shoulder and wiping my face clean as best as I could. My mouth felt really dry and my throat was scratchy. I felt so bad for taking Quinn away from the party, but without her I wasn't sure I'd have managed to get out and into this tunnel.

"It's fine, I don't mind," she reassured me. Quinn was nice like that. "What's got you so upset, hm?" she asked, carefully pushing my hair out of my face. Some of it was damp from me crying and it had stuck to my skin.

"It's…" Santana wouldn't want me to say. She'd want me to lie, or refuse to answer. But I wanted _her_ to do what _I _wanted, and she never did! "It's Santana," I admitted quietly. I didn't know how to tell Quinn without giving too much away.

But Quinn sighed, like she already understood just from that.

"She's _still_ leading you on?"

I stared at her, in shock.

"W-what?"

"Come on Brittany, it's obvious what's going on between you two."

"_Obvious_?" I repeated with alarm. Santana was going to be so pissed when she found out!

"Obvious to me," Quinn amended. "That time in the bathroom kind of gave it away, and I thought I'd seen you kissing even before that. And I know Santana says it's just when you're drunk and it doesn't mean anything, but… is it? Is it nothing to you?" she asked quietly. She always knew just the right questions to ask. Slowly I shook my head. It was the opposite of nothing, to me. "I thought so. You can't let her do this to you, Britt. It's not fair on you - and it's not fair on Artie, either. Do you like him?" I nodded. She was making this so easy, just letting me nod and shake my head. "Then you need to decide whether you like him enough to stop whatever's going on with Santana. He'd be hurt if he found out what was happening. Okay?"

I sniffed and nodded again. Could I really stop sleeping with Santana? She said it was only sex, so it wouldn't matter to her. And Quinn was right, it wasn't fair to Artie. I did like him. I wanted Santana to be my girlfriend, but she never would be. So I needed to get over her properly, and I couldn't do that when I was spending every night with her in the Room of Requirement.

"Th-thanks, Quinn," I whispered. "I think I'm going to go find Artie now," I decided aloud. If I told Quinn that's what I was doing, I couldn't chicken out. And I needed to apologise. I should have looked out for him more.

She smiled at me and gave me one last hug.

"Let me know if you need anything, yeah? And don't let Santana bully you."

"She won't," I promised. Santana would never bully me, that was silly. I turned away from Quinn and began to walk down the tunnel, my legs feeling a bit wobbly. I started into a jog with some difficulty because of my heels. At least they weren't very big, and hopefully Artie was still in the grounds because of his leg messing up, and I could catch up with him.

When I reached the end of the tunnel, I had to pause when I realised I had to go near the whomping willow again. Technically I'd been under it all this time, and I wasn't really drunk any more like I had been when we'd passed under it the first time, but it still made me nervous. I cautiously reached outside of the tunnel entrance to touch the knot that made the entire tree freeze, then scrambled out as quickly as I could and hurried away from it. As I looked up towards the castle I saw a familiar figure limping towards the side door conveniently left unlocked. I broke out into an awkward run, pausing once to take off my heels, and soon enough I had caught up.

"Artie!" I hissed as loudly as possible without being loud enough to wake anyone up. He was struggling with the door. When he turned, he saw me straight away and sighed.

"Brittany, I'm not-"

"Artie I'm sorry. I'm a terrible girlfriend. I said I'd look out for you and I just ignored you and I didn't mean to, I was just drunk, and distracted, but I'm sorry. And I'm sorry about your leg getting ruined as well. I'm just sorry, okay?" I said, reaching out for his hand and holding it tightly. He looked reluctant, and for a moment I was scared I'd lost him as well. Without him, I'd have no one to help me get over Santana. Tears began to brim in my eyes again without warning as the image of her with Gabe darted to the forefront of my mind. But then, to my surprise, he smiled, and brought our linked hands up to his mouth to kiss mine.

"It's okay. Don't cry, Britt," he said quietly, drawing me in to hug me. "I'm just not a party person, and it's not your fault someone spilt their drink on me."

"I just… I wish there was some way I could make it up to you, for everything," I murmured. Then I realised. Artie and I had kissed and stuff before, but never really any more than that. And if Santana and I weren't going to be using the Room of Requirement tonight - well, it might as well be put to good use. Being there with her had never been anything special to her. I still wanted it to be special with someone, though. And showing Artie this secret – that _I_ had discovered first – would make it special with him. "Come with me," I whispered, a smile growing on my face as I helped him up the step and closed the door behind us, and began to make my way up to the seventh floor.

* * *

><p>I walked across the castle grounds alone, the pleasant buzz of alcohol accompanied by a feeling of accomplishment. I'd told Puck I could get any guy I wanted. And when Gabe had appeared from nowhere and started flirting with me when Puck was only a few metres away, it had been too good an opportunity to miss. What better way to get back at Puck than to sleep with his detested brother? To be honest I wasn't sure whether Gabe had hit on me because I was hot or because I was his brother's ex-girlfriend, but it didn't really matter. We'd both benefited, sex with him was surprisingly good, and with the night's mission accomplished I was free to head back to Hogwarts early for some time with Brittany. Matt had said she'd already left so I figured there was no point hanging around any longer.<p>

I didn't bother with the Slytherin dorm, just went straight up to the seventh floor with growing anticipation. This week had been great so far. Things were back to normal with Britt - even better than normal, in fact, with us spending every night together. I didn't understand how with her it could feel so much better than with Gabe, who by all accounts had far more experience than her, but it just was, so I accepted that.

I sped up as I walked down the corridor and grinned at the sight of the door already there. Just like I'd hoped, she was waiting for me. I glanced up and down the corridor, just in case there were teachers about, then reached for the door handle and pushed it open.

Artie. Brittany, on top of Artie. In our room. _Our _room. Staring down at him, she didn't even know I was there. I closed the door quickly and stumbled back until I hit the tapestry and slumped against it. No. No, no, no, this couldn't be happening. She was in _our_ room, with _him_. The room that had been our secret since first year, it had grown with us, it was where we'd slept together for the first time… and she'd taken a boy in there. That wasn't right. That room was special! It was just for us, no one else!

I wanted to run in there and drag him out, but I couldn't face the thought of seeing Brittany touch him like she touched me. My skin crawled and I forced myself to my feet so I could hurry blindly down the corridor, not caring the direction so long as it was away from them. I wondered if Tony's pictures were still there without me. I hadn't thought to look. I couldn't have looked at anything except Brittany moving on top of Artie even if I'd thought to at the time.

"Fuck!" I half-hissed, half-shouted as that image hit me again, but it was too loud because a moment later my name was being called out authoritatively. I closed my eyes, stumbling to a halt. I could really do without this right now. Slowly I turned, and opened my eyes to see Professor Sylvester approaching with a scowl. Of course, it would be her. I tuned in to what she was barking.

"-quidditch final in two weeks and you're staggering drunkenly around the castle at two in the morning! It's unacceptable, you'll be doing an extra hour's quidditch practice every day for the rest of the week! Now get to bed!"

It was amazing she wasn't waking anyone else up. I turned away without even coming up with a snarky reply to find my way back to the Slytherin dorms. Obviously I wasn't welcome in the Room of Requirement tonight.

* * *

><p>I didn't go to breakfast the next day. I didn't even really have a hangover, but I didn't want to see them sitting together. I laid on my bed, staring up at the dark green canopy, and ignored Berry's chirpy singing as she got dressed. My eyes were burning from tiredness; I'd barely slept at all. I'd finally changed into pyjamas at about six this morning but even that hadn't helped. Every time I closed my eyes I saw them and it made me feel sick - a couple of times it had been more than a feeling and I'd had to rush to the bathroom.<p>

"Santana, are you okay?" Berry asked from across the room. "I heard you in the bathroom earlier, you didn't sound well."

I stared up into the greenness and willed her to go away. Eventually I heard the padding of feet and the creak of the door as she left. I moved my foot to pull aside one of the curtains around my bed to take a look at the clock on the opposite wall. Midday. Everyone else was gone. Sarah, the only one who hadn't gone to the party last night, had left ridiculously early at seven, and the rest had started filtering out after ten. It was kind of surprising really that Rachel was the last one, but she'd come back last. I guess Brittany's plans for her and Finn had worked - she'd be happy. Of course she'd be happy, she got laid last night. She didn't have to lie awake with visions of her best friend being with someone else.

I groaned and rolled over onto my stomach, letting the curtain fall back into place, and buried my head into my pillow. I didn't know why I felt so bad about this, all I did know was that whenever I pictured them from last night it felt like all my insides were twisting in on themselves; burning up; eating me from the inside. I tried to tell myself it was just because she'd taken someone else to our room, but I knew it wasn't just that. And now I was feeling sick again.

I heard the door to our dorm creak open again. I would order the house elves to fix it, but it was kind of useful knowing when people were coming in and out without looking.

"Santana?"

Shit. It was her. I didn't want to see her right now, I didn't want to talk to her. I turned my face away from the door.

"Rachel said you weren't feeling well." I heard several metallic clicks as she pulled my curtain open. "Santana?" she repeated.

"Take a hint," I hissed. My fists were clenched, and I still didn't turn. I didn't want to see if he'd left any marks on her. Footsteps, then the other curtain was quickly drawn open and she was right in front of me, frowning down. I scowled, quickly sitting up so I could glare at her properly. "What do you want?"

"Me? What's with _you_? I'm trying to be nice."

"Well maybe I don't want you to be nice. Maybe I want to be left alone like I was last night," I snapped.

She didn't take it like I thought she would, though. She rolled her eyes and stepped closer to the bed.

"Alone? You weren't _alone_, you were with Gabe Puckerman!"

I blinked. How did she know that? I guess I hadn't been particularly subtle about it; I had been showing off for Puck. I recovered as quickly as I could and bit back.

"Don't start acting all holier than thou, it's not like you didn't get any either."

Now it was her turn to be surprised. Good.

"Artie's my boyfriend-"

"Then don'tcha think you could've found somewhere a bit better than _our room_?" I demanded, my temper snapping. I shot to my feet and jumped off the bed, pushing her backwards enough that she stumbled. "Our room, that's been ours since first year that no one knows about, and you took your boyfriend there for a quickie!" I shouted, pushing her again. Her hands shot out and shoved me back in return.

"Don't start lecturing _me_, Santana! Gabe had you up against a _wall_ where anyone could walk in and see and you didn't seem to be complaining!" she shouted, her voice cracking.

What the fuck? How did she know that? And what did she mean, anyone could walk in and see?

"Would you rather I bring him back to Hogwarts and sneak into the prefects' bathroom?" I challenged, determined not to lose this. "Gabe didn't mean a thing, where else was I supposed to-"

"Exactly, exactly, he didn't mean a thing! It never means a thing to you, does it? It never does and it never will because you just use people for sex and then drop them!" she accused, her voice several pitches higher than normal.

"That's not the same as you taking Artie to our room that's supposed to be special-"

"_Special_?" Her voice was ragged. "Don't say _anything _about special! You've been telling me it's nothing for _years,_ and _now_ you're saying it's special?"

It was impossible for me to ignore the hurt on her face anymore. The hurt that I was causing. Frustration at myself battled with the anger already raging inside me, then just added to it.

"It's not the same Brittany!" I shouted, my own voice hoarse. "Everything in that room was special because it was just ours and no one else's, and now you've gone and fucked it all up by taking Artie there!" It was tainted. Every time I went in there all I'd be able to think about was _him_.

"It's _you_ who fucked up! I told you, _I told you_, how I felt, and you just ignored it and played along so I could pretend we were something-"

"You said you were just confused!"

"I lied so you would speak to me again! You'd barely even _look_ at me, Santana!" she shrieked, tears dropping from her eyes. "I lied and you let me pretend-"

"I didn't 'let you pretend' anything! You're making this all up in your head!" I protested, shaking my head then trying to return to the original source of my anger. "At the end of the day, you took a boy to our place and you're not even sorry!"

"No, no, at the end of the day, you'll be off with someone new, and you never even care who it is! Everyone already says you're a slut, and maybe they're right! You never care if you're hurting anyone else!" she shouted back, crying as she turned and ran to the door, slamming it shut behind her. Her footsteps echoed, intermingling with her sobs, then both noises faded.

The silence took a moment to overwhelm me, then my hand reached out to grab anything close and I threw it with all the power I could across the room.

"_Fuck!_"

The glass shattered as it hit the opposite wall and I crumpled to my knees, my own tears coming now as I gasped to breathe. A slut? Was that really what she thought of me? After a few seconds I realised exactly what it was I'd thrown and I crawled across the room. The glass littered over the stone floor cut into my hands but I soon found what I was looking for - the photo, miraculously still attached to the wooden back of the frame. I knocked the remaining glass off it and stared into the moving picture of me and Brittany. We were both laughing, but I couldn't even remember what had been so funny. Shakily I climbed to my feet and made my way back to my own bed. Rachel would be mad later about all the glass, but I didn't care. Pulling the curtains closed behind me again, I slipped under the covers and pulled them over my head as I curled up, the photo still clutched to my chest and tears sliding slowly down my face.


	19. Quaffles & Karaoke

**Songs:**

**For the quidditch match - watch?v=V1VUFEjd978  
>For Muggle Studies - watch?v=fJ9rUzIMcZQ<strong>

**Also, note that the Hogwarts quidditch cup is awarded to the team with the most quidditch points at the end of the season gained from all the different matches, not the team that wins the most matches.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 19: Quaffles &amp; Karaoke<strong>

_June, Fifth Year_

Every movement ached more than the last. The extra hour of training I had to do every day on Professor Sylvester's orders as well as all the other hours of quidditch practice she was insisting on for the rest of the team were straining me more than I thought possible. Every day I woke up more tired than the last, but I couldn't risk missing any classes with OWLs coming up as well. And then there was the added pressure of Professor Sylvester's hints that I might make captain next year – so long as we won the cup and she didn't have to completely overhaul the team. It was way too much pressure, and by the time I fell into bed late every night it was enough to keep me awake from worrying even though all I wanted to do was sleep.

But the thing that made everything worse was Brittany. She wouldn't come near me. She wasn't there to tell my worries to, she wasn't there to give her amazing massages that always seemed to fix the aches in my body, she wasn't there to fall asleep with. I wanted to stay angry, because the image of her and Artie in our room still wouldn't leave me alone, but… I couldn't. I needed her. I needed her to reassure me that everything was okay, that we were still friends even though we'd had a bit of an argument. But it was getting harder and harder to convince myself of that when she was always with him or Becky or Quinn, but never me. She was laughing now, at something Artie had said, like she didn't have a care in the world.

"Santana, you have to speak to her."

I snapped my eyes away from Brittany to find that Quinn was now sitting beside me at the Slytherin table. I rolled my eyes and took another bite from the bacon sandwich that was now cold. I carried on eating it anyway.

"_Santana_," she repeated. "You're miserable! So is she!"

"She doesn't look miserable to me," I commented sourly, hearing her laughter float across the room again.

"You know she's putting it on just as much as I know it. Why won't you just try and make things right?"

"I have more important things on my mind right now," I lied. "I have a quidditch cup to win today, so if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the pitch to get ready for that." I dropped the remnants of the sandwich onto my plate and swung my legs around the bench to stand, marching away as quickly as possible so I wouldn't have to listen to any more of Quinn's whining about how I should say sorry. I had a match to win and a captaincy to grab, I needed to get my head in gear. I didn't need to be getting all sentimental with apologies - especially since Brittany should be apologising too! - when I was about to face her on the quidditch pitch. We were going to win. All this training was going to be worth it, and we were going to knock Hufflepuff off their pedestal so someone else could have a chance at quidditch glory.

Reaching the pitch, I entered the girls' changing rooms and got dressed quickly into my uniform, then made my way to the Slytherin meeting room, intending to go over some of the tactics Jason had decided on. My legs were still sore from the manoeuvres we'd been practicing yesterday, but that would be fixed soon enough.

Unfortunately, I wasn't the only one to get there early. Puck was lounging on one of the benches with his eyes closed, apparently asleep. I kicked the bench solidly as I passed it, rolling my eyes when he jerked up.

"We've got a match in half an hour, Puck. You need to go over tactics, not sleep."

He scowled at me, twisting to sit on the bench properly.

"I happen to know all the tactics properly, I don't _need_ to go over them again because I'm too busy with other things to learn them."

"Yeah? How about formation ten, huh? You basically knocked Azimio off his broom yesterday messing that one up."

"Well I could think of worse things I could be doing, maybe like you-"

"Hey!" We both turned to see Jason in the doorway, arms folded and glaring. "We're on the same team! I don't care what shit you two have got going on, sort it out! We won't win the cup even with our head-start if you won't pass to each other." Puck shifted to lay back down on the bench with a sigh, but Jason knocked it just like I had. "No sleeping now Puck, the potions are coming. Go over tactics." I smirked, but then he carried on speaking. "Both of you, together, go over the tactics. You're two of the best players on the team, I need you to work together on the pitch if we're going to win."

I stared determinedly at the ground, only risking a glance towards Puck once I was sure Jason was gone. He was looking up at the ceiling, his back on the bench again, and I sighed. I really did want to win this. And we needed as many goals as possible before Brittany caught the snitch - because that was almost a certainty. It was why we had a chance at winning the cup, because she caught the snitch so quickly in the other Hufflepuff matches before they could score many goals. Our seeker had got lucky in the last two matches; she didn't stand a chance against Britt.

"He's right," I said after about a minute of silence. "We need to score as much as possible."

"I know what we need," Puck snapped back.

"Okay, so let's just forget you hate me until the end of the match, yeah?" I didn't think he was going to agree at first, but then he nodded and climbed off the bench to come towards me. I pulled one of Jason's formation maps from the pile on the table. "This one's kind of obvious-"

"But it's the quickest," Puck filled in for me with a nod, stepping closer to look down at the two-man scoring plan. "We need speed, and that doesn't involve Alex," he added, naming our fellow chaser.

It was surprisingly easy to slip back into normal quidditch conversation with Puck. We'd been on the team together since fourth year, and since then discussing tactics had become one of the few topics that wouldn't lead to an argument. We didn't have long though - soon the rest of our teammates arrived, and Jason was back with the pepper-up potions we always took before matches. I was more grateful for it than usual as I felt the aches in my body subside after swallowing it, but I couldn't avoid thinking of Brittany.

"Alright everyone, gather 'round!" Jason called.

Ugh, no, I couldn't think of Brittany right now. Until this match was over, she was just the Hufflepuff seeker. We were going to win. We were going to beat the Hufflepuffs. And I was going to make captain.

The short time we had left before the match passed in a blur. Jason repeated what he'd said a hundred times already about how our focus was on scoring and how we needed a sixty point lead, but then the bell summoning us to the pitch was ringing. My fingers were digging into the wood of my broom as we marched out to stand opposite the Hufflepuffs. I stripped away all the other worries I had at the moment, ignoring Brittany stood further down the line, and instead stared down Monica who was opposite me. She was glaring back just as intensely. She knew there was a good chance of Hufflepuff losing the cup, for the first time since she'd been made captain. This was it. This was what the weeks of training had led to. We were going to win this thing. Professor Beiste's whistle blew once and I mounted my broom, hovering with my eyes now trained on the box below. The bludgers and snitch were released, and I was vaguely aware of the cheers all around the stadium.

Then the quaffle was in her hands. I readied my broom to swoop forward. It was flying up, and my thighs were trembling with how hard I was clenching my broom between my brooms. It was going up, up, and I couldn't touch it yet… and finally it started falling and I zoomed up to grab it. Monica was to my left and I lashed out with one foot to kick her out of the way before throwing it over the circle of fighting chasers to where Puck was waiting. He flew off towards the Slytherin goals, dodging a bludger and scoring easily past the unprepared keeper who had only just reached his hoops.

I didn't take the chance to celebrate as the score was announced, instead flying swiftly towards the Hufflepuff chaser who now had the quaffle. I flew straight at her, gathering speed. She was trying to fly me down, but I wouldn't back up now - she was going to move, or we were going to collide and she was going to be in a lot of pain. She got closer than I thought she would before finally dropping, right into where Puck was waiting to snatch the quaffle from her hands. I continued towards the goal and when a bludger came his way the ball soared right into my waiting hands. The keeper was more prepared this time, but I didn't care, I'd ram him down if I had to. It was unnecessary though - a quick feint to the right fooled him and the quaffle spun easily into the left hoop.

We continued like that, all the manoeuvres we had been practicing for weeks coming out easily. It took five more goals before a bludger came accurately enough in my direction that I was forced to slam into the side of the stadium to avoid it. The collision with splintered wood burned through my whole arm and made me drop the quaffle into Monica's waiting hands.

"Shit… ugh…" I groaned, gripping my broom with just my legs as I clutched my injured arm. My uniform was torn despite all the magical protections on it and my arm was throbbing with pain.

"You okay Lopez?" Puck yelled.

"Fine, get the quaffle!" I shouted back. He flew off obediently as I hovered next to the edge of the stadium, taking a few moments to get the pain under control. I was distracted by a yellow figure zooming past, soon followed by a smaller green figure, and I felt a drop in my stomach that completely overruled the pain when I realised it was Brittany, gaining on the snitch. She couldn't catch it yet! We were only fifty points ahead! I searched for Karofsky and Azimio, but they were both by the goals, and obviously weren't keeping an eye on Brittany like they were supposed to. There was no more time. I ignored the pain as best I could and flew away from the edge of the pitch, down to where the snitch was now zigzagging across the pitch. Our seeker was doing her best, but she was no match for Brittany. I zoomed down so I was flying just behind Brittany, still not sure what I was going to do. She was getting closer and closer, her hand reaching out already, focused on nothing but the snitch. I had to distract her.

"Hey Brittany, got any pepper-up potions?" I yelled as loud as I could. She faltered for a moment, enough for me to catch up with her and slam into the side of her, spinning her broom out of control and away from the snitch. The whistle blew almost immediately with Professor Beiste bellowing at me for so obviously intending to foul, but I was more focused on the intense scowl Brittany was sending my way. I'd never seen her so angry before. I couldn't tear my eyes away - even when she looked away from me and flew away to restart her circling of the pitch, I kept watching her.

"Lopez, snap out of it!" Puck shouted as the quaffle flew from him towards me. I caught it on instinct, and then I was back in the game.

Three more goals came easily with the tactics Puck and I had worked out - even Alex managed to score a couple. The wind hitting my arm kept stinging it, but after a while it started to go numb. I just clung onto my broom with that hand so I didn't have to move it much, catching and throwing with my left hand. I was pretty sure we had enough of a lead, but that didn't stop me trying to score even more. I dodged around Monica's tackle and a bludger took out the keeper, allowing me to throw the quaffle through the centre hoop without any difficulty.

"Pierce, no!" someone shrieked behind me, and I spun quickly to see Brittany chasing the snitch yet again. I glanced up at the tower where the scores were displayed, but it was too far away. We had enough points now, didn't we? "Stop!" Monica shouted again, looking desperate. But Brittany wasn't listening - she was focused on the snitch, just like she always did when she chased it. In the corner of my eye something moved, and I jerked my head to see Monica speeding towards the Slytherin goal with the quaffle.

"We need to stop her!" I shouted. I had no idea how many points we were ahead, but we couldn't let her score any more for Hufflepuff. "Karofsky!" I yelled, beckoning him away from the Hufflepuff goal to follow me. There was no point in him lingering there any longer, we needed to keep our lead. Puck was flying ahead, getting closer to Monica, but a bludger spun towards him. "Puck!" I shouted, trying to warn him, but it was too late - the bludger slammed into his shoulder from above and he was knocked straight off his broom, falling through the air. I averted my eyes, increasing my speed as much as I could and letting out a sigh of relief when Jason blocked Monica's throw. It wasn't over yet, though - there had been no cheer signalling the catch of the snitch. Azimio's bludger missed and she had the quaffle again. I dived forward, careful not to foul as I knocked it out of hand from behind, but it just went into another Hufflepuff chaser's hands and he threw it towards the lowest hoop, away from Jason.

I was suddenly deafened by the cheers and the screech of the whistle, a moment before the quaffle went through the hoop. I spun on my broom, checking first that Puck was okay - he was staring up from the grass - and then searching for Brittany, constantly alert for the announcement of the final scores. She was grinning with the snitch held high, but her smile dropped when Monica flew to her and started shouting just as the commentator announced the scores.

"_Hufflepuff win the match 200 to 120, but with a massive 610 total points to 590, Slytherin win the quidditch cup!_"

We'd done it! We'd won! Jason slammed into me from behind with a yell of victory as I tried to process it. We had just won the _quidditch cup_! I hugged Alex tightly when he approached then dropped down to Puck. He was punching the air as best he could with one arm and I laughed loudly as I grabbed him from behind, careful to avoid his bleeding shoulder as I hugged him.

"We did it!" I yelled in his ear and jumping off my broom as he turned, grinning back as he returned the hug.

"We won!" he shouted in response, his eyes bright and last week's party apparently forgotten. Jason joined us a second later, and then the rest of our team was swooping down for a massive group hug. My arm started burning again as the adrenalin faded and Jason pressed into it from the side, but that didn't matter. Who cared we hadn't won the match, we'd won the cup!

"Excuse me - I, um, excuse me!" a voice called from the side. The others started to pull back and I saw Madam Pillsbury to the side, looking very nervous at the sight of eight dirty, bloody and bruised quidditch players. "I… uh, Noah, let me have a look at that shoulder. Then I'll check your arm, Santana," she said, hesitantly stepping forward with her wand out. I stepped back, my face aching from how much I was smiling. My head turned to see Brittany standing alone, Monica marching away from her. Quinn was right, I should just reach out to her. The match was over, there was no reason to avoid it now. I hurried over, the wide smile falling off my face when I realised she was crying.

"Brittany!" I called, to get her attention. Her eyes snapped towards me and she quickly lifted a hand to scrub at the tears on her face. She was still clutching the snitch

"What?" she asked sharply.

"I… uh, look. Can we be friends again? I miss you, Britt. And it was a good game."

"It would have been a better game if you hadn't fouled me. We would have won!"

"It's quidditch, fouls happen," I replied, trying to defend myself.

"Not like you did it, mentioning… you know what. It's not fair. You're not fair, Santana, you never play fair," she snapped. The cheering in my ears buzzed and faded as she walked away from me, not looking back.

* * *

><p><em>3 days later<em>

"Alright class, listen up!"

The chattering class silenced almost immediately when a loud, slightly crackling singing harmony sounded from the front of the room. I perked up when I recognised the music after only a few words - my dad was always playing this song from his old CD player when he did gardening. With a tap of her wand on the record player, Professor Holliday fast-forwarded the music to the best part. I could see Quinn staring at it in shock in the corner of my vision as I tapped my foot along with the tune.

"I see a little silhouette-o of a man, scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango…" I sang quietly to myself, then grinned when several other people - all with at least one muggle parent - joined in. "…galileo, galileo, figaro, magnifico-"

The music stopped abruptly when Professor Holliday tapped it again, grinning cheerily at us all. "So, who can tell me what song that is - someone without a muggle parent," she added with a wink. I put my hand down in disappointment. Muggle Studies was the one class I knew almost all the answers to without having to try. Santana had convinced me to take it in third year, saying the teacher was legendary, and I was so glad I had. It was a class of watching films and listening to music and learning to drive pretend cars. My eyes flicked to where she was sat alone at the front of class, slumped back in her chair. "Rachel, yes?" Professor Holliday asked the only remaining hand in the air.

"Bohemian Rhapsody by the rock band Queen, one of the best-selling muggle singles of all time and one of the most revered songs in-"

"Thanks Rachel, that'll do," Professor Holliday interrupted her cheerily. "So, today we'll carry on looking at muggle entertainment, especially music! That was a recording of a live performance, because muggles _love_ live performances. I've been to a few myself - Glastonbury was especially fun, the rivers of mud just make it that much more special," she mused. I giggled, continuing to watch Quinn's face. I should sit next to her in Muggle Studies more often, she looked so _confused_. "So, who else can name a muggle entertainment that relates to music?"

Rachel's hand shot up in the air again before anyone else's and it twitched slightly as she raised it as high as possible. Thinking for a moment, I put my hand up as well.

"Yes Brittany?"

"Carolling at Christmas," I suggested. Her wand knocked the board, and an enchanted piece of chalk began scrawling 'carolling' across the blackboard.

"Good. Anything else? …Kurt?"

"Musical theatre! West End, Broadway-" He was interrupted by Rachel's huff and glare sent in his direction as she dropped her hand.

"Come on now Rachel, you've got to let other people answer too," Professor Holliday teased. "You're in the muggle music club, can't you think of something else?"

"Well there's karaoke, but it's really not a very formal-"

"Karaoke! Excellent! Has anyone here not experienced the ear-bleeding joy of karaoke?"

Half the class slowly raised their hands, most of them looking a bit nervous. Professor Holliday was known for springing surprises on people who didn't know what something was. Today was no exception, and she pulled back the cloth from her desk to reveal a karaoke machine – that was apparently hooked up to a bubbling cauldron.

"Karaoke is sort of a music game, where you're given the words and have to sing along in time with the music. Now we've had to adjust this a bit because Professor Figgins has still not allowed me to take you out of Hogwarts to experience true electricity, but it should all be working well. So, who wants to go first?" The hands in the air dropped as one, except for Rachel's which flew up. "Really? Santana, how about you?"

I tensed a little at her name. She did, too. Her back straightened and I could picture the look on her face perfectly. She could sing, I knew she could. When we were little she'd sung songs for me to dance along with. But she never sang in front of anyone else. I'd tried to persuade her to one time but she'd flat out refused. Maybe she would this time. Maybe she'd get the courage to do what someone else wanted to for a change. But no, she was shaking her head. Of course she was.

"No? Never mind. Okay Rachel, up you come."

She almost ran to the front of the classroom and I leaned back in my chair, playing with the bottle of ink on my desk. Quinn nudged me just as Rachel burst into song and I looked over at her. She had that look on her face again. The one that made her look guilty and confused and worried at the same time.

"Won't you speak to her?"

"She's a cheat. We would have won if she hadn't distracted me," I replied quietly, looking away again and back at the ink bottle.

"Brittany, since when did you care about winning? I thought you only joined the team so you could play more often?"

I shrugged, not wanting to agree with her because then she'd know I wasn't mad about losing. It was easier to say I was mad about losing than to say I was mad because Santana used our code language against me. She told me off for taking Artie to the Room of Requirement, but then she did that because she knew it would distract me.

Quinn kept trying to convince me for the rest of the lesson. While Professor Holliday was explaining how muggle microphones worked, Quinn was whispering in my ear that we were both miserable and we just needed to talk to work things out. But I didn't think that was it. If we talked, things would just go back to normal. And normal was too hard. Normal was kissing her and touching her and pretending she loved me back.

"Well guys I hate to dash, but I have to run to Hogsmeade to pick up some lovely gas stoves. The fourth years are cooking muggle-style!" Professor Holliday announced as she packed up the karaoke machine. I started to put away my things, but before I'd even put my quill in my bad Quinn's hand flew out and knocked my ink bottle onto the floor where it smashed.

"Oh I'm sorry, Britt! I'll help you clean it up, just give me a sec," Quinn apologised quickly, darting around my desk to the front of the class. I dropped to my knees as everyone else filtered out of the room, fumbling in my pocket for my wand to siphon the ink off the floor.

"Ugh, no Quinn-"

I looked up and sighed when I realised the classroom was now empty apart from me, Quinn and Santana, who was being blocked from the exit.

"Come on, you guys. It's exhausting dealing with you not being friends. Just try to talk, please."

Santana had her arms crossed and was glaring at Quinn standing in the doorway, but Quinn wouldn't move. I sighed, picking up the broken ink bottle and walking to the front of the class to drop it in the bin. Turning, I put my hands on Professor Holliday's desk and pushed myself up from the floor to sit on it.

"Fine."

Santana looked back at me, then at Quinn, and dropped into one of the seats at the front of class. "Fine."

Quinn looked between us, and I looked back at her. What was she doing? Didn't she realise we had to talk alone?

"Alright, I'm going. _Please_ try and sort it out. You're both miserable," she said with a sigh, turning and closing the door behind her.

The room was silent. I looked down at my feet, watching as I bounced the heels off the side of the desk. I didn't want to speak first. The silence continued.

"I'm sorry I fouled you," Santana eventually muttered. "But you know how much I needed to win, with the captaincy and my parents, and you never cared so much about winning-"

"I don't care about you winning," I interrupted her. I really didn't. Maybe her parents would be proud of her this summer, rather than point out everything she's not so good at. "But you said that stuff about pepper-up potions because you knew it would get to me, and that's what I hate. Even though you pretend it's not true, you know how I feel. You know, even though you wouldn't let me say it. I love you, Santana."

She tensed and glanced at the door, but I carried on. I had to tell her this, and she had to listen.

"I love you, and you know it, but you still do things like use pepper-up potions to distract me, and go off with Gabe, and tell me off for sleeping with Artie when all I'm trying to do is stop loving you. But you make it so hard!" I had to make her understand how hard it was. Every day I liked Artie more and I thought it was working… until I'm in the same room as her and I don't care that I have a boyfriend I care about. Couldn't she see that I was trying? That I didn't want to love her, just the same as she didn't want me to?

Tears were gathering in my eyes again and I wiped them away quickly. I hated crying, I'd been doing far too much of it lately. I sniffed, trying to speak again. "I want to be friends, Santana. I really do, but you've gotta stop hurting me. I miss you so much," I said, trailing off again as more tears fell. I heard the scrape of a chair and looked up just as she stepped up in front of me and wrapped her arms around me. I relaxed into her straight away, slipping off the desk so I wasn't so much taller than her and burrowing my head into her neck. It felt so good, having her near me. I'd forgotten how good it felt.

"I'm sorry, Britt-Britt. I never meant to hurt you," she whispered to me. "I miss you too. I need you with me, Britt, I do, and I'm sorry for shouting. I'm… I'm sorry if I led you on," she added, in a whisper so quiet I could barely hear it.

"I… I just…" I murmured, trying to get my thoughts in gear. I pulled back a little so I wasn't so overwhelmed by her touch, but that didn't really help when I was just inches away from her face. "I need to be friends. Just friends," I added, my voice quivering a little. "B-because… every time I'm near you…" I trailed off again to lift one hand to her face. I brushed a lock of hair back into place behind her ear, then drew my fingers slowly down the contours of her cheekbones, and nose, and lips… She was so beautiful. My fingers skimmed over her jawbone and down to her neck, resting there lightly. She shifted, leaning in, but just in time my fingers snaked back up to cover her lips before they could touch mine. My heart was beating so fast in my chest. "That," I whispered. "I can't do that. Or the other stuff. _Just_ friends, nothing else."

She looked surprised, and pulled back straight away. My hand dropped back to my side.

"Oh, uh… okay. I guess that's fine," she said slowly, looking confused.

"It's too hard. You can get that anywhere, from Puck and Gabe and any other guy in the school. And… there's Artie. He wouldn't like it, would he?" That was what Quinn had said.

"Maybe not," Santana replied uncertainly. "But… but, Britt. You can't take him to our room again, okay? Please. Please don't take him there again."

I hesitated, then nodded. I'd just have to find somewhere else to go with him. Some of the tension in her shoulders dissipated and she gave me a small smile.

"So… friends?" she said quietly. She lifted one hand hesitantly, then offered me her little finger.

"Friends," I agreed, trying not to smile too widely as I took her proffered finger. My stomach rumbled loudly. "Lunch?"

She laughed, then bit her lip like she wasn't sure if she should or not. "Lunch sounds great."


	20. Family

**First bar song: watch?v=G7TfCW5BgCw**  
><strong>Second bar song: watch?v=M0xNVAy1gkQ<strong>  
><strong>And a theme song for the end part of this chapter: watch?v=hvpQsPKEwbw<strong>

**Italic speech later in the chapter is in Spanish (there's so much it was easier to do that than attempt to translate).**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 20: Family<strong>

_July, between Fifth & Sixth years, Summer Holidays_

"Remind me why we're sitting in this hunk of metal?" Santana asked as the plane began to move down the runway. It jolted a little and she gulped, sitting up even straighter in her seat.

"Because dad gets sick from long-distance floo," I explained again. It was kind of weird, seeing her nervous. Normally she hid it so well - but I guess she didn't care what any of the muggles on the plane thought. My parents and Chloe were sitting further back because we couldn't get five seats together.

"Yeah, but why do _we_ have to go on this? Why can't we floo and avoid hours of being stuck in the same seat, trusting muggle techno-stuff to keep us in the air?"

The man sitting next to the window turned and gave her a strange look, but she didn't notice. She was busy wringing her hands in her lap.

"Because it's a family holiday, and we all go together. Santana, I promise it'll be fine. Your ears will feel a bit funny at the start and end, but you wouldn't even know we were in the air apart from that."

The plane stopped moving and she relaxed a little bit, but then it set off properly to take off and she let out a squeak, staring out of the window in terror as we continued to speed up. I reached into her lap to grab her hand and she squeezed it so hard it felt like it was going to pop.

"Santana, look at me." She swivelled her head away from the window just as we left the ground, and I had to wonder what our classmates would think if they saw her now, eyes wide and so tense. "It's okay, it's safe, I promise. Pinky promise, yeah?" I encouraged her, knocking her other hand with mine. Trembling a little, she unclenched her fist so I could take her little finger, her eyes never leaving mine as we rose through the air.

"This doesn't f-feel safe, it's so loud and shaky," she muttered after a little while.

"It's always loud at first, it'll get quieter soon. We could always sing over the noise."

That knocked her out of her nerves enough for her to give me a derisive look.

"I'm not singing in front of these people."

"Why? Your voice sounds so nice," I pleaded, hoping to distract her. I thought it might be working.

"You're biased," she retorted. The plane was starting to level out and I hoped she would calm down soon. It was kind of nice holding her hand, but she was squeezing so hard it was beginning to hurt.

"Doesn't mean it's not true. You should sing more often."

"I think we get enough of that from Berry," she replied with a roll of her eyes. She glanced up as the bell chimed and the seatbelt light went off, then risked a glance out of the window to see we were above the clouds already. After a few moments of staring, realising we weren't about to plummet back down to the ground, she sat back in her seat and her hand relaxed around mine - but didn't let it go completely.

"Maybe I can persuade mum to let us floo back home," I suggested.

* * *

><p>"Ahh, this is more like it," Santana said with a grin as she stretched out on the beach. It was hard to take my eyes off her when all she was wearing was a tiny blue bikini. Her skin was so smooth and tanned and her dark hair pooled perfectly around her head. She pushed her sunglasses above her eyes and for a moment I thought she was looking at me in my bikini too, but then her eyes were on mine and she was smiling, reaching up for my hand to pull me down next to her. She giggled as I landed with an oomf on my stomach and I pressed the side of my forehead into the towel, never looking away from her face even as she pulled off her sunglasses completely and closed her eyes.<p>

An idea popped into my head and I bit my lip as I crawled down the towel so I wouldn't laugh too early and give away my plan. Her feet were already buried a little, her toes curling into the sand, but I knew I wouldn't have long to do this before she realised what was happening. I pushed the sand slowly around her feet to make a little crater, then gathered as much sand in my hands as I could and glanced up at her face. Her eyes were still closed and she was smiling a little. I dumped the sand on her feet, then grabbed her ankles when she tried to jerk them away and pushed all the sand I'd gathered on top of her feet as she struggled.

"Wha- Brittany!" she yelped, managing to free one of her feet by kicking it to the side and rising up quickly to push me into the sand. I closed my eyes tightly when her fingers dived for my ribs and began to tickle me, rolling in the sand to try and get away from her.

"No Santana, no-ahh! I'm… ah, I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I squealed, slapping one of her hands away and bouncing to my feet. She was right behind me though and I started running, heading for the sea and avoiding all the sandcastles that people had built. I slowed the moment I took a few steps into the water to spin around and kick some back, showering it over her. It didn't stop her though and she dived forward again. A moment later she ploughed into me, sending us straight into the water. I gasped as the cold hit me all at once, clutching at her as I found my feet and pulled us both upright again.

"You-" she was breathing hard, and bent over for a second to catch her breath. "What'd you do that for? You're supposed to wait until people are asleep to bury them!" she exclaimed.

"But it's more fun when you're awake and trying to get away," I replied with a grin. Her hands were around my waist, her fingertips pressing gently into my skin, and I wasn't sure if the goosebumps I was getting were from that or from the chill of the water. I stepped back, out of her hold, and then quickly bent down and scooped up a handful of water to throw over her. She gasped and stumbled back, then she was chasing me again through the water. I realised too late that taking things into the sea had been a bad idea when I resorted to swimming, and she caught up with me in no time at all and dunked me underwater.

* * *

><p>"Hey Santana, what house d'you think I'll be in?" Chloe asked, tugging on Santana's arm from behind. I stepped to the side so she could slip in between us. "Britt and dad say Ravenclaw, but mum reckons I might be Gryffindor."<p>

"Oh, Ravenclaw for sure," Santana told her with a smile. "I don't know any other eleven-year-old who can recite the first chapter of The Standard Book of Spells."

"Yes, but Ravenclaw isn't about memorisation, it's about intelligence and wit, and what if I'm not clever enough to even get the common room riddles? I've been looking at riddle books to try and help but I still can't work out a lot of them-" She was interrupted by Santana's laughter, and looked a little affronted. "What?"

"Chlo, I have never met anyone more likely to be a Ravenclaw than you. You're doing research before you've even been Sorted."

"Well it's good to be prepared!" Chloe replied, glancing up at me and obviously unsure whether to be proud or insulted. Proud, duh. Didn't she know how much of a compliment that was coming from Santana?

"Girls, you've missed it!" my dad called from behind. I turned to see him outside the restaurant we'd booked a table at earlier. Chloe ran back and entered with him and my mum, and Santana and I walked slowly back.

"I don't know why she's worried, she really is clever," I commented quietly as Santana held the door open for me.

"She must get it from her big sister," Santana replied, nudging my shoulder with a grin. "Uh… a mesa Pierce?" she said to the hostess. Even though I thought Portuguese sounded really similar to Spanish, apparently Santana couldn't understand hardly any of it. She still knew more than me though from visiting a couple of times before - her family lived just over the border - so I let her do all the talking. The woman led us to the table my parents and sister were already sat at, saying a few things to Santana that I didn't understand and offering us menus.

"What did she say?" I asked her in a whisper as we sat down.

"Beats me, dunno why she kept jabbering on."

Luckily the menus we were given were English and when we got our proper waiter he spoke in English too. After we'd placed our orders and just as the bowl of bread rolls arrived, my dad spoke up.

"So Santana, I hear you're being made quidditch captain?"

She suddenly looked nervous. "I… well, I hope so. I think so. But Professor Sylvester might change her mind, I don't know for sure until I get the badge…"

"Who else is she going to give it to? She likes you way more than she likes Puck, and there's no way Karofsky or Azimio are getting it," I pointed out. "You've totally got it."

"Well that's great!" my dad said enthusiastically. "You'll make a brilliant captain! What did your parents say when they heard?"

"Oh, I haven't told them yet," Santana admitted, fiddling with the corner of her menu. "I just… I didn't want to get their hopes up and then find out I didn't get it."

"Oh. Well, it'll be a nice surprise for them then, won't it?" my dad replied with a wide smile. I smiled at her as well. Sometimes I think if only more people smiled around Santana she wouldn't say mean things as much.

The waiter brought our food soon after that and Santana let me try her shrimp. She refused to try any of mine though, because of the peanut sauce. It's weird how much she hates peanuts. I remember persuading her to try peanut butter one time when we were littler than Chloe is now, and she spat it out straight onto the floor. Luckily the cat ate it, so mum never saw.

It was great how well she got on with my family. Once the subject was off the quidditch captaincy and her parents, she started telling Chloe all about Hogwarts, filtering out the stories about parties and drinking and the occasional duel but telling jokes about all the professors that kept setting me and Chloe off into giggling fits. I spoke up sometimes when I could stop laughing for long enough, but it was nice just listening to her speak and not be worried about what our classmates would think of her.

"Britt, you getting pudding?" she asked, knocking me out of my thoughts.

"Ugh… I don't know… I'm so full," I sighed, rubbing my stomach and wishing it had more space for food. The desserts menu was lying open in front of Santana and looked so tempting… but I thought I might burst if I had any more to eat.

"Come on, you're not going to turn down cheesecake are you? Raspberry cheesecake. I'll share it with you." She nudged me with her elbow, then did it again, and finally I nodded with a grin. I couldn't resist her smiling at me like that.

"And I want ice cream!" Chloe piped up next to me, tugging on my dad's sleeve. Santana beckoned me closer and leaned in to whisper in my ear as he ordered.

"What d'you think the chance are of your mum letting us go out tonight?"

I turned to look at her with a confused frown and shook my head. Didn't she know my mother? Mum would never let us go out alone at night, especially in a place we'd never been before. Santana sighed and nodded, picking up her spoon as our cheesecake arrived at the same time as Chloe's chocolate chip ice cream.

"It's so nice being off that stupid quidditch diet," she said, taking a big spoonful of the cheesecake. I struggled up in my seat, wishing I hadn't eaten so many of those bread rolls before our meals, and took a much smaller bite.

"Quidditch diet? Brittany, I didn't know you had to be on a diet for quidditch?" my mum asked, suddenly looking very concerned.

"It's just Professor Sylvester's craziness about how we'll fly faster if we're not so heavy. Slytherins are the only ones who have to put up with it," Santana explained.

"Well you should complain, that's not fair on you!"

I choked on my cheesecake. "Mum, you can't complain about Professor Sylvester!" I gasped as Santana patted me on the back a few times. "Monica did once about how she's always booking the quidditch pitch for Slytherins, and she kept getting detentions for the rest of the term! One time she got a detention for _coughing_ too loudly in class!"

"Britt's right, it's _way_ easier to just go on her stupid diet at Hogwarts and eat whatever I want during holidays," Santana agreed, setting her spoon down and leaving the last bite for me. I scooped it up, took a breath, then ate it in one gulp, savouring the flavour as much as I could when my stomach felt like it was about to explode.

"Ugh," I groaned, leaning into Santana. "Ate too much…" She laughed in my ear and wrapped an arm around me.

"You just need to get up and walk around a bit."

"No I don't," I mumbled. "I need to sit in this chair until I feel like I can walk without popping."

"No you don't, come on," she encouraged, standing and pulling me with her.

"Santana," I grumbled, but she just laughed again.

"We'll wait outside," I heard her telling my parents as she pulled me towards the exit. I sighed and trundled along, wondering what it was she wanted to talk about. It was obvious she wanted to talk about something or she'd have let me fall asleep in that chair until we had to leave. "Alright, we need to work this out."

I leaned against the wall and looked up at her with lazy eyes. "Work what out?"

"Coming back into town tonight."

I blinked several times and lifted my head to look at her properly. "But we can't. We're not allowed."

"Britt, we'll be fine. We can't ignore this opportunity. The drinking age here is sixteen, and you've got your weird muggle travel book thing that says how old you are, right?"

I nodded, still not sure. I hated getting in trouble with my mum, and we'd be in _so_ much trouble if she found out we sneaked out.

"So here's the plan. We go to bed early. You can sleep off all that food. Then when your parents are asleep I'll wake you up and we can get ready and come back here, it's like a ten minute walk. And if any muggle guy tries something when we're walking alone, we'll just show him a bit of magic, right? Hex him into the nearest tree. We'll be perfectly safe."

"I… I don't know, Santana. What if my mum wakes up?"

"We won't be gone long. Two hours tops, I promise. Just long enough to experience a bit of Portuguese nightlife, yeah? We're only here a week, we've got to take advantage of it."

I guessed that two hours wasn't that long to be gone. Hearing Chloe's voice suddenly approach, I nodded quickly and she grinned in victory.

Once we got back to the villa we were renting, it really wasn't hard to act tired. I _was_ tired, I just wanted to sleep off all the food I'd eaten. I shouldn't have had that cheesecake. I yawned a few times without even trying and mum said I should go to bed early, and of course Santana came with me. She was still wide awake as I pulled my sundress off and crawled into bed without bothering to put on pyjamas - we were going to be getting up again soon anyway. I smiled sleepily at her as she sat on her own bed on the opposite side of the room, watching as I pulled the sheet over myself.

"Night Santana."

"Night Britt. Sweet dreams."

* * *

><p>It didn't feel like any time had passed at all when I felt a hand gently shaking my shoulder and Santana's words in my ear.<p>

"Brittany, wake up. It's time to go," she whispered. I blinked, my eyes adjusting to the darkness and finding Santana's face right next to mine. She smiled when she saw I was awake and moved her hand to run through my hair, then stopped and quickly stood up. "I got out clothes for you, they're at the end of the bed," she said, turning away as I sat up and reached for them. I tried to wipe away some of the sleep in my eyes as I pulled the black top over my head then wiggled into the tight jean shorts and slipped my feet into my flip-flops.

"Here, I'll do your make-up," she offered quietly, coming over again and gesturing at me to sit down before she started quickly putting on mascara. I watched her face as she worked. She'd put lip gloss or something on, because the tiny amount of light coming from the window was making her lips sparkle a bit. I wondered if she was thinking about what had happened that time I'd tried to put make-up on her.

She leaned back to admire her work and I took a quick breath. I needed to stop thinking about this stuff. I loved being her friend again, but being _just_ her friend was kind of hard at times.

"Uh, Santana?" I whispered to get her attention. Her eyes jerked up to my face. "Am I ready? Shall we go?"

She paused, then nodded, putting all her make-up away then picking up both our bags.

"Your ID thing is in here, right?" she checked, and I nodded, taking it from her and slinging it over my shoulder. "Alright then, let's go."

We crept out of the villa as quickly and quietly as we could, tiptoeing past the pool and out of the gates. Once we were on the main road, my heart slowed down a bit and I began to actually look forward to going out. We hadn't really been to any parties recently except for that one after our OWLs were finished, but I don't remember much of it because we finished off the last of the Dragon's Absinthe before going, and after that the whole night was just a blur.

I grabbed her hand as we hurried down the street towards the noise and lights of the town and she swung our arms back and forth. We kept glancing at each other and starting to laugh, but I didn't even know what we were laughing at. We were walking so fast it took even less than ten minutes to get into town and reach the first bar, and Santana pushed me eagerly inside. It was busy with music playing at the back, but Santana still spoke loud enough in my ear for me to hear as she pushed some euro notes into my hand.

"You need to ask for 'quatro tiros de vodca' and 'duas cervejas', okay? Four vodka shots and two beers," she translated

I nodded, not replying so I could repeat the words in my head as I pulled out my passport and walked up to the bar. It took a few minutes to get anyone's attention, but when I did I tried to repeat what Santana had said.

"Uh… quat tears de vodka? Um, and das cerva… um." The man was looking very confused. I mimed taking a shot. "Vodka? Quat?" I repeated, holding up four fingers. He nodded in understanding, and quickly poured out four shots. How did Santana know the Portuguese for 'vodka shot', anyway? "Uh, and… das…" I trailed off again, gesturing directly behind him to a fridge of beer, holding up two fingers this time. He pointed to one of the bottles and I nodded, not really caring what type it was. Beer all tasted the same to me anyway.

"Catorze euros," he said after reaching for the passport I had laid out on the bar surface. Not sure how much he'd said, I just lifted the notes Santana had given me. He picked out a 5 and a 10, then dropped a coin back into my hand and turned to the next customer. I swivelled to find Santana already right behind me, reaching out to help transport the drinks to a tiny table she'd found to one side. We took the shots together quickly before the beer, and my foot was already tapping along with the music.

"Santana, we should dance!" I called to her over the tune. She shook her head and tilted the bottle of beer in her hand back and forth - was she pointing to the bar? She wanted more? I turned my head to try and see what she was pointing to, but I couldn't find anything, so I reached out for her hand instead and started moving it with the music, waving it around. It was like our hands were dancing but not the rest of us. Well, except my feet, because they were still tapping. She lifted the bottle to her lips and drained the rest of it, then jumped to her feet and pulled me with her into the throng of people. I laughed aloud and allowed her to tug me through to the middle of the crowd then move her hips and begin to dance, not letting go of my hand. The music changed almost straight away and the whole crowd cheered and burst into song. I sang along as best I could, trying to pick up the words. Even Santana sang - I guess because there was no chance of being heard when everyone else was so very loud.

"…delícia… -sim você me mata… se eu te pego, ai, ai se eu te pego!" I shouted out with everyone else. I was so glad Santana had persuaded me to do this. It was brilliant! Everyone here was brilliant! They were all dancing and singing and happy, and Santana wasn't worried about what other people would think so she was singing and dancing too. The song faded and changed to another that wasn't so easy to sing along to, but it didn't matter, because we were having fun. We went to have a few more shots a couple of times but mostly it was just dancing, and singing where we could catch onto the words or the songs were in English.

I laughed loudly when I heard another English song come on that I recognised. This was much slower than the others, but people were still dancing. I grabbed Santana's other hand and started to sing along when the words began.

"Heart beats fast, colours and promises… How to be brave? How can I love when I'm afraid to fall…" I trailed off when I noticed Santana looking at me strangely, and I heard the lyrics echoing in my ears.

_Watching you stand alone, all of my doubt, suddenly goes away somehow… One step closer…_

She was biting her lip, and I took a sharp breath and continued singing, trying to ignore how she was looking at me.

"I have died every day waiting for you," I started, then almost choked on the words when they processed. "Darling don't be afraid, I-I have l-loved you…" I trailed off again. She wasn't dancing now. Neither was I. People were bumping into us, but I was just trying not to think about how much those words were true. I'd done so well not thinking about it until now. "I… I'll be back in a sec," I muttered, turning abruptly and pushing my way through the crowd to the door that led to the toilets. A woman exited just as I entered, but other than that it was empty. I leaned against the counter, squeezing my eyes shut and trying to block out the sound of the music, the words that wouldn't leave me alone. The door swung open and I quickly straightened, only to find Santana standing there. She walked towards me slowly and stopped in front of me, reaching up one hand to brush away a tear I didn't even know had fallen as the music continued to play in the background

_Time stands still, beauty in all she is. I will be brave…_

"Don't cry," she whispered, her hand sliding smoothly to the back of my neck.

And then she was kissing me, just like she always did, her lips pressed so tight against mine it felt like she never wanted them to part. Her lips were silky soft and moved just right against mine, and it was glorious. I felt like I might float away at any moment so I leaned in closer, kissing her back desperately to try and ground myself, until I realised what I was doing. No, this wasn't right. We were meant to be just friends. We weren't supposed to be doing this now. I pressed my hand to her arm and pushed slightly, stepping backwards at the same time to end the kiss. I was breathing hard, and so was she, with that weird look on her face again. It was like she was pleading with me, but I didn't understand.

"Why… um," I struggled to get my thoughts under control. "Why'd you do that? Why'd you kiss me when there's loads of other guys out there to kiss?"

Santana stiffened, and didn't speak for a little while. I didn't know what else to say though, so I stayed quiet while she tried to come up with a response. My lips were still tingling.

"Did… did you mean what you said before?" she asked, in barely more than a whisper.

I frowned, not sure what she was talking about. "Did I mean what?"

"Y'know…" She was trying to avoid saying it. "That… that you think I'm a slut," she finished, so quiet I could hardly hear her.

I was shocked for a moment, then confused, then it all came flooding back to me and I felt so guilty. I'd forgotten about that. I'd been so angry that day I'd just shouted the worst insult I could come up with.

"No! No, no, Santana, you're not! I swear I don't think that, I _swear_! I was just mad, I didn't mean it," I promised, taking a few steps towards her again and ducking a little so I could see her face properly. "Santana, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it. And the girls who say it don't know anything anyway, they're just all jealous," I assured her. Finally, she looked up, and I gave her a strained smile. "Can we just… forget about this all? What I said, and, uh… what just happened."

She nodded, and I managed to smile a little brighter.

"It's almost been two hours now," she said, her voice more subdued than usual. "You want to head back?"

I nodded in agreement, and together we wound our way out, through the crowds and outside, back on the road to our villa. We didn't really talk much. I was still trying to work out why Santana had kissed me when there were so many other people she could have kissed, and whether she was still upset about what I'd called her. And Santana… well, I had no idea what she was worrying about. It was definitely worry, but I didn't know why and I wasn't sure I wanted to ask. We were still getting 'friends' back on track, I didn't want to ruin it. It was just easiest to forget this night ever happened.

* * *

><p><em>2 weeks later<em>

I hated the summer holidays. This year was better than most, getting to go to Portugal with Britt and her family, but now I was back at home, Brittany was off somewhere with Artie, and it was the second worst day of the year. Actually, no, it was the worst day, because at least on the actual anniversary of Tony's death I have Britt and the distraction of class. On the day that would be his birthday - he'd have been turning fifteen this year - I was alone in my room, with everyone else keeping to themselves. When I did cross paths with my parents, it inevitably turned into an argument. I'd woken up that morning to the sounds of them screaming at each other before leaving for work, and it had started up again the moment they got back. It really was easiest just to keep to my room.

Sighing heavily, I reached out again to examine the note that Brittany had sent this morning.

_Are you sure you don't want me to come back earlier today? I'm sure Artie wouldn't mind if I explained, and I don't want you to be sad on your own. _

_Britt-Britt x_

I didn't want to ruin her day as well, though. And I certainly didn't want Artie knowing that I was hiding in my bedroom because my family wasn't functional enough to deal with this. So I'd assured her I was fine and that I'd see her that night anyway like we'd arranged. I heard a knock and glanced up to see one of Edlyn's large ears appearing around the door first before the rest of her body slowly came into sight. She cleared her throat quietly before speaking.

"Master and Mistress require you for dinner, Miss Lopez," she told me.

I sighed again and rolled off the bed, putting Britt's letter back on my bedside table. The traditional family dinner was the worst part of this day. Abuela came and everyone was miserable and tried to make small talk. I traipsed down the wide staircase into the dining room where my parents were already sitting side by side, abuela at the head of the table.

"_Santana, hurry up! The food will be getting cold if you keep dawdling!_" abuela said sharply in Spanish, gesturing at me. I picked up my pace and slipped into the waiting chair, trying to ignore the appraising once-over she gave me before clapping her hands once. Two house elves I didn't recognise hurried forward with food floating all around them, setting it down on the table as gently as possible. I waited for abuela and my parents to start helping themselves before I leaned in to scoop up some fideuà.

"_Santana, you should eat more! You are as thin as a rake!_" abuela commented. I piled more fideuà onto my plate and she motioned at me to take some bread as well, so I did. "_You are too concerned with boys, they will not mind if you have a few curves!_"

_Go through the motions,_ I reminded myself. _Nod. Start eating. Don't let her get to you. _I purposely turned my mind away from the thought that popped into my head about whether Brittany would mind if I had "a few curves".

"_I hope you are not neglecting your studies?"_

"_No, abuela," _I replied immediately with a slightly forced smile. "_I studied a lot for my OWLs, don't worry._"

"_But I do worry! There are so many distractions for you at that school, and I hear so many stories of children gone astray. Don't you agree, Hernando?"_ she prompted, turning to my father. He nodded straight away, just like he always did.

"_Of course. But Santana will not let us down. She knows that if she gets low grades for her OWLs I will have to seriously consider getting a private tutor for her NEWTs. I considered pulling her out for OWLs but she insisted-"_

"Papá, I'm not leaving Hogwarts. I get good marks, and Brittany's there," I said in English.

"_You will do as your father tells you, Santana," _my mother interrupted, in Spanish again. I slumped back in my seat. This hadn't taken long. The first thing they agreed on all day and it was to gang up on me.

"_Santana, sit up straight or you will get a bad back,"_ abuela scolded. I let out a quick breath through my nose then sat up, lips pressed tightly together and staring down at my food. I didn't want to eat it now. I wanted to go back to my room and ignore the unspoken topic that was on everyone's minds. The empty seat next to mine. "_Eat up, Santana, what did I tell you before?_"

I brought a spoonful of fideuà to my lips and chewed slowly, trying to imagine I was back in Portugal with Brittany next to me, eating most of the cheesecake because she was too full from the rest of the meal. It worked for a few moments, then my abuela was speaking again.

"_Santana, I do hope you understand that you are our only legacy and you must live up to your Lopez name to the fullest,_" she said seriously, eyeing me over the table. I froze, not sure what to do. My eyes flicked to my parents but they were avoiding looking at anything, including each other.

"I'm sorry Tony's not here to make you worry less." I tried to snap at her, but it came out in more of a whisper. Suddenly all eyes were on me and I wished I'd said nothing.

"Santana, go to your room," papà ordered. His eyes had shifted and now he was looking determinedly over my shoulder.

I clenched my jaw and stood, dropping my spoon back into my bowl. "I was just saying what everyone was thinking. It's not fair. You're always thinking about how he might have turned out and fantasising and then comparing me to him when he's not even alive!"

"Go, Santana!" my father boomed, standing up suddenly as well. I took a hurried step back, the chair scraping against the floor as I pushed past it and moved as fast as I could towards the exit without running. I shouldn't have said that. Even if it was true, I shouldn't have said it. The one rule of family dinner on Tony's birthday was not to mention Tony, and I'd gone and broken it twice in a row. I didn't go up to my room like I'd been ordered. I pushed open the front door and walked out into the street.

It was dark outside, and I wondered exactly what the time was. I hadn't been paying attention all day, to clocks or anything else. My feet started moving and I let them take me where I needed to go. Brittany must be back by now. She was the only person that could take my mind off things. Even though I'd been trying to work out just why I'd kissed her in that bar ever since it happened, and she had been on my mind constantly because I hadn't got to see her as often as usual, I knew that if I went to her now she would somehow make all of those things go away and just make it easy to spend time with her.

Most of the lights were still on in the Pierce house, including one much dimmer light I could see through the curtains in Chloe's window that probably shouldn't be on at this time. Doubtless she was reading past her bedtime again. My eyes shifted and I found Brittany straight away through the large bay window, nestled onto the sofa. But next to her was Artie. Why was he there? He got her for all of today, why did he have to be with her now as well? I wanted some time with her. I mean, I wanted _all_ the time with her, but I couldn't get that so I had to settle. Why didn't he have to settle as well?

I turned away quickly to head back on the pavement to my parents' house before she could see me. I didn't want to interrupt her. I didn't want to deal with him. I wondered if she'd told him about that kiss, and my whole body went cold at the thought. No. She wouldn't do that. She knew it wasn't supposed to happen. She wouldn't want to hurt him. So why couldn't _I_ stop thinking about it? It was just a kiss. It was nothing compared to what we'd done before, even though I'd wanted it to go further. But I couldn't get it out of my mind, just like I couldn't get her out of my mind. Even now, when I should be worrying about what my parents might say tomorrow, or reminiscing about Tony, I was thinking about her.

I sneaked back into the house as quietly as possible and up the stairs so they wouldn't realise I'd been out. Edlyn saw me from the end of the corridor but didn't say anything. I reached for a quill and scrap of parchment the moment my bedroom door closed behind me, summoning Pato from his perch outside the window with a quiet click of my tongue.

_Tired, going to bed early so don't come round. See you tomorrow, or whenever._

_- S_

I attached the note to Pato and he flew off without waiting for instructions, having been to the house down the street far too many times to count. I changed into my pyjamas and climbed into bed without waiting for a reply. I probably wouldn't get any response for a few hours anyway, whenever Brittany went up to her room… hopefully not with Artie. Hopefully her parents would object to that. They never objected to me going up to her room, though. But if they knew what we did they probably would… well, what we used to do…

* * *

><p>I woke with a start, not sure how much time had passed. It was… what time was it? I squinted at the clock on the opposite side of the room and could see that the smaller hand pointed to some hour just after midnight - one or two, if I was reading it right in the dark. A scratching sound from my window let me know that Pato was back, but that wasn't what had woken me up.<p>

I heard it again from somewhere within the house. A… sob? Another followed straight after, and I tensed when I recognised it. It was muffled, but definitely crying. Mamà, crying. I wondered where my father was, why he wasn't trying to comfort her. I wanted to go to her. I wanted to, but… I couldn't help remembering how she'd snapped at me earlier, just like she always did, reminding me that I had to do what papà said even if I didn't want to. I hated her sometimes. I hated how she always agreed with papà in public and then tore him down in private, and how I always heard the two of them arguing. I hated how she was obsessed with what I looked like and that I was presenting a good family image. I hated how she never took my side.

Another sob echoed through the house, louder this time. I scrunched up my eyes and pulled my duvet fully over my head, pressing it in at my ears. I was a coward. Too scared to even go and comfort my own mother. Too scared to face up to the fact that I'd broken the rule about not mentioning Tony. I knew I was a coward for not going to her, but I just held the duvet tighter over my head and tried to block out the sounds.

* * *

><p><strong>EDIT: Had some corrections on the Portuguese (thanks), but I'm going to leave 'tiros' wrong because just saying 'shots' wouldn't be as confusing for the bartender and I'd need to rewrite that dialogue a bit. So Santana just can't speak Portuguese as well as she thinks she can and makes Britt ask for four gunshots of vodka :P<strong>


	21. Summer Sun

****Theme song 1 - watch?v=uagufW76mYc** (this fits the chapter extremely well, which is surprising because I found it after I'd planned most of this)**  
>Theme song 2 - watch?v=FL0bjwez8mg<strong>**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 21: Summer Sun<strong>

_August, between Fifth & Sixth years, Summer Holidays_

We were dancing together, under the starry ceiling of the Great Hall.

"I love you."

She said it so softly, like she couldn't quite believe it, but I didn't care how she said it - I couldn't stop smiling. She stepped closer and looped both hands around my neck to pull me into a kiss, even though there were people all around. I stared around at them as I kissed her but they just kept walking past like they couldn't see us - Quinn, Chloe, Professor Ryerson, Santana's mum. Her fingers tickled at my skin as she tried to pull my shirt up with one hand and I pulled away, shaking my head.

"Everyone will see us!"

"No one's here, Brittany," Artie replied, kissing me again. I looked around and realised he was right, no one was here - but why were we outside? "Come on, let's go in the lake!" he announced with a smile, pulling me towards the mass of water to my right.

"But Artie, your legs! You can't get them wet!" He didn't hear and ran in anyway, splashing about. "Artie, wait!" I shouted, running in after him. I had to help him, he couldn't swim! But where had he gone? I ducked my head under the water, peering around to search for him, but then I heard laughter and I popped back up to see Santana in front of me again, her body only slightly hidden by the bubbles. She stepped closer and reached for me, pulling me into her with her hands on my hips as she attached her lips to my neck. My arms snaked around her waist to pull her closer, so I could feel her skin against mine, but she pulled away and walked to the edge of the pool. She climbed out and my throat dried at the sight of her. Then she turned and I could see everything, every beautiful part of her, and goosebumps spread all over my body as she smiled down at me.

"Brittany, come here," she said, stretching out her hand for me to take. I struggled forward to reach for it, but she was too far away. "Brittany!" she called again. "Brittany, come downstairs!"

I buried my head into my pillow, trying to retain the hazy sight of Santana in the Prefect's Bathroom for a little longer. I didn't want to abandon her, make her think that I didn't want to join her. My eyes flashed open for a second then closed again as I fought to keep her in my mind.

The thundering of footsteps on the stairs told me I wasn't going to be able to, but I pulled the covers over my head anyway as I heard my door burst open and felt Chloe land heavily on my legs.

"Mum says you have to come downstairs!" she chirped.

"'M sleeping," I grumbled into my pillow, trying to slide my legs out from under her without success. Why was she awake so early? I didn't know what time it was, but it felt early.

"We're going to Diagon Alley today, to get my wand before the rush!" she shrieked, bouncing up and down on my legs. "It's happening! It's real! I'm going to Hogwarts!" I turned my face to squint at her and found a massive grin on her face. She was still in pyjamas, her hair all over the place, and I swear her smile just kept getting bigger.

"I know, Chlo," I smiled back, struggling up to give her a hug as I began to properly wake up. She clutched at me tightly.

"You'll have to show me round, Brittany. You have to show me all the passages and the Prefect's Bathroom and the quidditch pitch!"

The reminder of the dream I had just had sent a shiver through me as I recalled being so close to Santana again. I couldn't help having that dream, but I hated that I had to remind myself about Artie. Artie was nice. Artie was my boyfriend. Artie _loved_ me. And I could love him, if I could just get over Santana.

"Britt, are you okay?" Chloe asked, tapping me lightly just above my ear. I refocused on her and smiled.

"'Course I am!"

"Brittany, are you coming?" the shout came from downstairs again.

"Oh, yeah, your OWL results are here," Chloe said brightly.

"Wait, what? Here? _Now_? Why didn't you tell me?" I demanded, pushing her to the end of my bed so I could scramble out, scurrying barefoot along the corridor and down the stairs. Mum was pacing in the kitchen while dad ate breakfast calmly, and the Hogwarts owl was perched on the windowsill.

"Finally! It wouldn't give us the letter!" my mum exclaimed, reaching out to grab me by the shoulders and manoeuvre me towards the owl. Suddenly nervous, I didn't want to take it. What if I'd got bad marks? What if I just proved everyone who'd called me stupid right? A little shake to my shoulders made me step forward, and when I reached out a hand the owl immediately dropped the letter and flew off. I eyed the envelope carefully as my mum stepped closer so she could look over my shoulder.

I opened it as slowly as I could, not sure I wanted to read what was inside. I paused again before unfolding the parchment inside, my eyes immediately skipping past the introduction to the list of subjects and results, my heart beating fast.

_Brittany Susan Pierce has achieved:_

_Astronomy - E  
>Care of Magical Creatures - O<br>Charms - A  
>Defense Against the Dark Arts - E<br>Divination - E  
>Herbology - A<br>History of Magic - A  
>Muggle Studies - O<br>Potions - P  
>Transfiguration - A<em>

My mum was letting out a stream of congratulations before I'd even finished reading. I couldn't tear my eyes away from it. Two Outstandings? And only one fail? Dad was next to me now as well, a big grin on his face as he hugged me. I managed to wrap one arm loosely around him, but I was still frozen in place. I'd worked so hard but I never thought it would turn out this good. Santana had helped me a lot, but - Santana.

"I have to see Santana!" I shouted above my mum's exclamations.

It was like she'd heard me and apparated straight from her house (even though she wasn't allowed to do that yet, she did anyway), because there was a sudden, frantic knocking at our front door. I slipped past my mum and ran over, pulling it open to reveal Santana standing on our doorstep with a big smile.

"Four Os!" she squealed before diving in to hug me tightly. I hugged her back, breathing in her smell before pulling away to reach for the letter she had in one hand, passing over mine immediately.

_Santana Catalina Lopez has achieved:_

_Astronomy - E  
>Care of Magical Creatures - A<br>Charms - O  
>Defense Against the Dark Arts - O<br>Divination - P  
>Herbology - E<br>History of Magic - O  
>Muggle Studies - E<br>Potions - E  
>Transfiguration - O<em>

She'd done even better than me, but I was expecting that. Santana was really clever, and she'd studied so much for our OWLs.

"That's amazing, Santana!" I said, at exactly the same time as she said 'that's amazing, Britt!' We looked at each other once then laughed as we switched back letters. Her arm was still around my waist and it felt really nice, except then my mum decided to come over and give Santana a hug, congratulating her as well and forcing her to pull away.

"Well done, Santana! You're both such clever girls! Your par- Santana, are you still in pyjamas?" she suddenly asked, stepping back to look at her up and down in shock. I looked at her as well, and realised she was just in loose shorts and a too-big t-shirt and slippers and… yeah, she definitely had no bra on underneath that t-shirt. I flicked my eyes up to her face straight away when I realised I was staring, hoping no one could see the heat I could feel in my cheeks.

"Yeah… I just wanted to come round and find out what Britt got straight away," she replied with a shrug.

"Well you can't walk back like that! Brittany, get Santana some of your clothes," my mum instructed. I nodded straight away, grasping Santana's wrist and pulling her with me towards the stairs, brushing past Chloe on the way.

"Santana, I'm going to get my wand today! I'm going to Hogwarts!"

"You're as bad as Britt, of course you're going to Hogwarts!" Santana called back, making her giggle before she skipped down the last few steps and disappeared round the corner. I pulled Santana into my room and she shut the door behind us as I went to my wardrobe and began searching for something to wear.

"Were you parents happy?" I asked quietly, glancing back at her as she sat down on my bed.

"I hadn't told them yet," she replied, playing with the corner of my duvet and not looking at me. I turned around fully to stare at her, throwing her a couple of shirts to choose between.

"You haven't told them?" I repeated. "But… you did well!" Santana's parents were strict sometimes - well, all of the time really - but how could they get mad at her when she'd got almost all Os and Es?

"I got a P," she reminded me.

"So? That was in Divination, I thought your parents thought it was a stupid subject anyway?"

"They do. But they still don't expect me to fail it," she said with a shrug. "I'll tell them, don't worry. Hey, you know about this beach party that's happening? Puck owled me yesterday," she added, changing the subject.

I shook my head, turning back to my wardrobe to find the smallest pair of trousers I could and wondering when exactly Santana and Puck had started being friends again. "No, when is it? Can I bring Artie?" I asked, finally locating one pair that I had outgrown but forgotten to get rid of. She was frowning, but quickly replaced that with a smile when I passed her the trousers.

"Weekend before the train leaves. It's somewhere in Wales, Puck's grandma lives there and he says we can use her floo. I guess you could bring him, but surely it won't be much fun for him – he can't go in the water can he?" she asked, standing.

I opened my mouth to reply, but then stopped when she pulled her t-shirt straight over her head and dropped it to the floor.

"You… uh…" I tried to speak, but I couldn't. Just like I couldn't tear my eyes away from her now. The real thing was so much better than a dream. She began to shimmy out of her shorts and I forced myself to turn away, dropping to my knees to blindly search for some shoes in the bottom of my wardrobe. I heard her laugh behind me.

"You've seen me naked loads of times before, Britt."

"Yeah, but… um…" I tried to think of a reason to not look at her, but it was hard when all I wanted to do was turn around and drink in the sight of her. Her body was branded into my memory anyway, but that didn't stop me wanting to look more. Realising there was a pair of Santana's own sandals right in front of me that she must have left here last week, I picked them up. I closed the wardrobe door and stood, staring at the wood as I tried to work out if it was safe to turn around. I felt something brush my shoulder and swivelled to find her right behind me, safely dressed. She reached out for the sandals and took them from my hands, lingering in front of me for a moment before stepping back and dropping them to the floor to slip on.

"Thanks Britt." She touched my arm lightly, then turned away to pick up her letter from my bed. "I'll owl you the beach party details. If your parents give you grief just let me know and I'll charm them into it," she said with a grin. I had to smile back. It was kind of funny how much my mum and dad loved Santana and could be convinced by her, when they didn't know half the stuff she'd pulled me into over the years. They still didn't realise that every detention I'd ever got was because of her.

"Okay. And… congrats on your OWLs. They're amazing," I told her with a small smile.

She laughed aloud at that as she scooped up her pyjamas. "You did great too, Britt. I'll come round later?"

"Sure… oh, wait. No. Sorry, we're going to Diagon Alley, then I'm going to see Artie. His parents are taking us out to dinner," I explained. She looked away and shrugged like she didn't care – but if she really didn't care, she'd look at me.

"Right. Some other time, then. Seeya Britt," she said shortly, turning to leave the room. A few seconds later I heard her feet on the stairs, a shouted goodbye to my parents, and then the front door slam. I moved to my window just in time to see her kick the neighbour's hedge before she went out of sight.

* * *

><p><em>1 week later<em>

I grabbed onto Artie when he lost his balance, stopping him from falling headfirst out of the fireplace, and he smiled back at me gratefully as I wrapped an arm around his waist.

"Good morning Mrs. Puckerman," I said to the woman sitting in an armchair opposite, directing some knitting with her wand. I never would have guessed she was Puck's grandma - she was so tiny!

"Morning, dear. Noah and Gabriel are in the garden," she said with a smile, gesturing with her wand to the door on her right.

My own smile dropped off my face at the mention of Gabe. I hadn't realised he'd be here.

"Uh, thank you Mrs. Puckerman," Artie said, nudging me forward. I walked with him, trying to get Gabe out of my mind.

"She doesn't look very much like Puck. She doesn't have a mohawk," I commented. Artie gave me a strange look, and I sighed internally. Santana would have known I was joking. We entered the kitchen and I could hear them straight away through the open back door. Stepping outside, I had to stop so I wouldn't trip over a massive pile of buckets, spades, deckchairs, bodyboards and some very old towels that made me glad I'd brought my own.

"Gabe, it's not here!"

"It must be! There's nowhere else it could be!"

"It wasn't there the last time I was here either, Grandma probably let Jonathan use it-"

"Grandma!" Gabe bellowed, stepping out of the shed that everything was piled in front of. He stopped at the sight of us, gave me a toothy grin, then slipped past us to step inside. "Grandma, did you let Jonathan use my surfboard?" he called, his voice fading as he made his way into the house. Puck stepped out of the shed a moment later and grinned when he saw us - well, me. He didn't really look at Artie. I wished people wouldn't do that.

"Britt, hey! Santana not with you?"

I shook my head. "She's coming in a bit. Is anyone else here?"

"Yeah, Finn and Berry are setting up on the beach. You can go join them if you like, I've gotta stay here until everyone's arrived. Just turn right at the front of the house and head down the path, it goes straight to the beach," he explained.

I nodded, dropping my arm from Artie's waist to curl my fingers around his as we made our way round the side of the house, turning right on the narrow path that wound its way downhill. It was barely wide enough for a car - but I guessed that Puck's grandma didn't really need a car when she had floo. Trees surrounded us at first, blocking out the sunlight, until we turned the corner and caught our first sight of the sea. It was glittering and blue and just wonderful. I wanted to run forward, but I had to remember Artie couldn't exactly run. He was laughing though and pulled his hand out of mine.

"I'll catch up," he assured me. I bit my lip, looking between him and the beach. "Go!" he encouraged me, giving me a gentle push. I grinned at him once then set off in a run down the gently sloping hill, my flip-flops slapping loudly against the pavement until I hit the sand and I suddenly had to slow down as the surface changed and my feet sank a bit. I stopped, bending over to pull my flip-flops off my feet then ran in a wide circle back to the bottom of the slope, loving every step I took in the warm sand. I couldn't believe it was so sunny this summer.

Artie was approaching at a much slower pace and I bounced from one foot to the other as I waited for him, not wanting to leave the sand again. It felt so nice between my toes. I turned my head and could see two figures next to one of the cliffs, one very short and one very tall, struggling with a windbreaker - that must be Rachel and Finn. There were a few other people about, but not many. Santana had been here before, one of the times she and Puck had been dating, and she'd mentioned yesterday that it was quite far from any big towns so not many muggles came here. Artie reached me and I gripped his hand tightly again, leaning into him as we walked together towards Rachel and Finn. I waved as we approached. It was nice to see them finally together after it had taken them so long to admit they liked each other. Well, mostly Finn.

"Hi Rachel! Hi Finn!" I called.

They didn't hear me, and instead I heard Rachel attempting to help.

"Finn, you're… no, Finn, that's not right."

"I can do it!" Finn replied immediately, struggling to hold the windbreaker in place as he hammered one end down with a large stone. "I've done this plenty of times before Rachel, I know how to put it up."

"That's not-"

"I said I'm fine!"

Rachel sighed, rolling her eyes as she turned away until she saw us and her face lit up.

"Brittany, Artie, _hi_!"

I grinned, and stopped myself from running forward again so that I wouldn't leave Artie behind. It didn't matter though, because Rachel came forward anyway to greet us.

"How was your summer? How did you do in your OWLs? Did you get good enough grades to do all the NEWTs you wanted?" she asked. I blinked, trying to process all her questions at once. I really did like Rachel, but she was a bit hard to keep up with sometimes.

"It's been good, we both got into our NEWTs," Artie replied with a smile, saving me the trouble.

"That's wonderful! I did well too, my dads are very proud-"

She stopped upon hearing a yell of frustration and we all looked to see Finn glaring at the ground where the windbreaker had collapsed. I stared down at it, then up at him.

"Finn, why is it in line with the wind?" I asked, confused.

He sighed, shaking his head. "Because that's how it's suppo- Ohh."

"I did try…" Rachel began timidly, and he nodded with another sigh.

"_Hey_!" a shout sounded from behind us, and I swivelled again to see Puck approaching, accompanied by Karofsky, Azimio, Quinn, Sam and Matt - but no Santana, to my disappointment. "Finn, you still haven't got that up? You've been down here for like twenty minutes already," Puck commented as he dropped several deckchairs onto the sand.

"Where's Santana? And… uh, Gabe?" I asked. I didn't like remembering the last time they'd been alone together.

"Santana's not here yet, and Gabe's still searching for his surfboard," Puck replied simply, walking over to help Finn with the windbreaker and immediately twisting it so it was actually facing in the right direction to block the wind.

Quinn came over and helped me and Artie lay out our towels, and soon we were sunbathing while the rest of the guys began a game of ground-quidditch – well, and Rachel, although she didn't seem to know the rules very well. They still got some weird looks from the muggles passing by because of the strange-shaped balls - the bludgers inanimate, of course, and the snitch not included - but whenever I had asked in the past they had assured me it was better than playing any muggle sports. I tilted my head a bit to see Artie watching them over the top of his book. A thought occurred to me.

"Artie, can you play quidditch?"

His eyes darted down to me and he smiled, but he still looked kind of sad.

"Not really. I can fly a broomstick, but I was always told I wouldn't be allowed on the team because of the rain."

"What?" I exclaimed, sitting up and twisting to look at him properly. I could see Quinn eyeing me over her book as well, but she didn't say anything. "But that's not fair! They should at least let you try out!"

He shrugged, setting his book down in his lap. "It's no big deal," he tried to assure me, but I shook my head.

"No, it is! We should practice - for the rest of the summer. We should practice and then they won't be able to say you can't be on the team because you'll be so good, even if you can only play in the sun. I know what'll impress Finn - and Finn likes you anyway."

"Finn's captain?"

I shrugged. "Probably. I dunno when they're sending out the badges, though. But I don't think it'll be anyone else."

"Maybe you could be made captain?" Artie suggested with a smile.

I grinned, but shook my head. "I'm bad at all the tactic stuff. I never understood what Monica went on about in the changing rooms. I just catch the snitch."

"You-"

"Britt!"

I recognised the voice immediately and jumped up from my place on the towel, swivelling to see Santana approaching - with Gabe right behind her, trying to keep up and without his surfboard. I wasn't sure she even knew he was there though, because she was just looking straight at me. I managed a few steps away from the towels before she barrelled into me.

"I got it! I'm quidditch captain!" she squealed in my ear - although quiet enough that no one else apart from maybe Quinn would realise that Santana Lopez had actually _squealed_.

I looped my arms around her waist and squeezed, lifting her slightly off the ground as I hugged her.

"That's amazing!" I said, spinning her around a little before loosening my hold enough that her feet could touch the floor again. "Wait, but how'd you know?"

"The book list arrived this morning - I was late getting ready so I was there when it came, and the badge was in it! Look!" she exclaimed, stepping back from me quickly to hold out her hand, which contained a silver and green badge with the letter 'C' engraved into it.

"That's great, Santana," a male voice said from behind her. I quickly lifted my head and saw Gabe straight away, standing a few metres away. My hand around Santana's wrist tightened slightly. She glanced back to see him there, shook her head slightly, then turned all her attention back to me. Her eyes locked with mine for a moment then glanced down a little and frowned.

"You haven't got suncream on," she accused. "You're burning already."

I looked down in surprise, trying to search for the redness. I hadn't really thought suncream would be needed. This was Wales, after all, but the weather was unexpectedly good today.

"It's fine, I'll put it on before you get any more burnt. Come on," she instructed, pulling me back to the towels by the wrist and tucking her badge safely away into her bag before pulling out a bottle of suncream. I pulled my loosely plaited hair round to the front so it wouldn't get in the way, shivering when I felt the cold cream squirt onto my skin. The moment her hand began rubbing it into my back, though, I tensed up. I couldn't help it. Quinn met my eyes then quickly looked away. I glanced up at Artie, but he was absorbed in his book again as Santana's hands massaged the suncream slowly into my skin, her warm breath hitting the back of my neck and my body wedged between her knees. Her fingers kneaded it in gently and I let my eyes slip closed with a soft sigh as she began to work on my arms. Then she shifted and stood up behind me, and my eyes flashed open, disappointed it was over. It only lasted a second though, because then she was kneeling down in front of me.

Our eyes met, and this time she squirted the cream onto her hands first before reaching out to press it against my skin just below my collarbone, knocking my plait back behind me. My lips parted but my eyes didn't shut this time. Instead they were locked on Santana's. She wouldn't look away. I bit my lip lightly when her hands worked a bit lower, brushing against the top of my bikini and for a moment it was hard to breathe, but then her hands were moving to my shoulders and I didn't know whether to be glad or upset. I gulped and her eyes shifted down to my throat for a second before refocusing on my face.

"Legs," she instructed with a light tap to my thigh, and I immediately shifted to spread them out. I broke eye contact doing so and glanced up again at Artie, who just smiled down at me when he saw me looking. My attention was diverted quickly when Santana began rubbing the suncream into my skin again, but this time I stared at the sky with my head tilted slightly back. It made it a bit easier, but it still felt like every touch was magnified. I felt a tap on my ankles and looked down again to see Santana smiling at me.

"All done. Time to go in the sea?" she asked with a grin.

I was about to nod enthusiastically when suddenly I remembered Artie. I turned to see him smiling at me.

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine here."

I opened my mouth to object but Santana got in before me.

"Quinn?"

Quinn shook her head, not even raising her head from her book.

"Great! Come on, Britt." I hesitated. "Before Gabe notices and decides to join us," she pointed out, nodding towards where he had joined in the quidditch.

I nodded straight away at that. I definitely didn't want Gabe with us. She grabbed my hand and pulled me in the direction of the beach and I swivelled to wave goodbye to Artie once before pulling my hand away and setting off in a run.

"Race you there!" I shouted, already several metres ahead.

"Shit - Brittany!" she yelled after me but I laughed aloud and didn't bother to stop. The sea was only looking bluer the nearer I got. I was close enough now, I was going to win the race - my feet hit the water and I went still for a moment, then tried to backpedal. "_Britt_!" The shout was the only warning I got before Santana collided with me, sending us both crashing into the water just like had happened in Portugal - except then it hadn't been freezing.

"Fuck!" I gasped before I could stop myself, struggling to jump up. "It's… Santana, it's _cold_!" I yelped, wrapping my arms around myself as I tried to stumble back out. She laughed and reached out to grasp my wrist, pulling me in again. "_Santana_," I moaned, hopping from one foot to the other so I wouldn't have to keep either in the sea for too long. She giggled and pulled me forwards into a tight hug. I snuggled into her, my feet finally stilling as I tried to soak up all her body heat. I could feel goosebumps on her skin, so the cold must be affecting her too.

"We've just gotta get used to it," she murmured in my ear, taking a step further into the sea.

Reluctantly, I followed. Her arms stayed around me the whole time as she eased us slowly deeper. Finally we were in waist-deep, and Santana was the only thing keeping me there. Shivers kept running through my body, but I didn't want to let go of her to run out.

"Now we just need to duck," she instructed. We were closer together now. I could feel her knees bumping gently against mine and her face was only a few inches away. I gulped again, and nodded. "One… two… three!"

On three she dropped, her hands tightening around my back so I had to go down as well. I gulped in a breath of air before the cold surrounded me and I clutched onto Santana tighter, trying to pull her up again straight away. She kept me down, though, holding me close, and I felt her face brush against mine before she finally pulled us both up.

I gasped for air and she giggled, not stepping back. Her cheek was still resting softly against mine, but as I moved to pull away she whispered something in my ear.

"Te amo…"

I frowned, turning my face to look at her, but she was already pulling back and looking in the direction of the beach.

"Hey Puck! Don't be such a wimp!" she yelled. I turned slowly to see him standing just a little bit above where the waves were lapping against the sand. "Just get in!" she shouted again, moving away from me and towards him.

"Wait… wait, Santana," I called gently, but she didn't turn around. I stared after her as she started to run, chasing down Puck as he darted away and kicking water at him. I wanted to know what she'd said. I had to know. Because, wasn't that Spanish for… _I love you_?

* * *

><p><em>Shit. Fucking goddamn bollocks.<em>

I shouldn't have said that. I didn't even know why I had. I'd just been thinking too much recently, about Brittany, and then it had been so nice having her to myself again, getting to be so close to her and… it just slipped out. Thank god it was in Spanish at least. Maybe she wouldn't know what it meant.

I sprayed more water over Puck with my foot as I attempted to chase him down, trying to distract myself. It would be fine, Brittany wasn't good with languages. She barely even remembered 'obrigado' when we were in Portugal. But what if she did know this? _Fuck!_

I made a leaping jump towards Puck and succeeded in grabbing his arm, pulling him into the sea even while my mind was going crazy and he shouted half-hearted protests. That was stupid. So stupid. I didn't want to confuse her any more than I already had. Yeah, she had the cripple now. But she'd still reacted when I'd put that suncream on her earlier, and she'd kissed me back in that bar. But that didn't mean anything. Just like wanting to kiss her didn't mean anything for me. I didn't even know why I'd said that. I didn't mean it - did I?

My thoughts were cut off when Puck suddenly scooped me up in his arms to throw me straight into the water. I screamed a moment before I landed and my mouth was still open when I entered the water. I struggled, twisting as I tried to locate the surface, and a moment later a hand had grabbed mine and was pulling me up towards the sun. I gasped as I broke the surface, and found Brittany giggling at me with Puck running out of the water behind her.

"I should have done that when you tried to drag me in," she commented, pulling her hand away. I didn't want her to. I wanted her to stay as close to me as possible. But then there was another shout from the beach.

"Brittany! Brittany, lunch is ready! If you don't come now there won't be any left, they're eating it fast!" Artie called. He was stood several metres from the sea and I had a sudden desire to drop _him_ in the water. Brittany was pulling away from me though, gesturing at me to follow. She was watching my face, and I knew she was thinking as well. But then she turned properly and began wading through the water to her boyfriend, leaving me behind. I paused for a moment, then hurried after her as quickly as I could.

"Hey Britt, you're coming round mine after, right?" I checked with a broad smile, trying to pretend everything was fine.

She hesitated. "Oh… I'm not sure, I think Artie and I were going to-"

"Please?" I interrupted her. "I have a surprise for you."

I held my breath, until finally, she nodded. "Alright. I need to help Artie floo home, but after I'll come straight to yours," she agreed.

* * *

><p>My parents were shouting again. I hoped they'd stop by the time Britt arrived. I sighed, wandering through the house as I towel-dried my hair. She should be here soon. She'd said she just had to take Artie home and then pick up some food for the badger that had taken up permanent residence in the Pierces' garden just before we'd started Hogwarts. I halted when I almost walked into my father leaving the kitchen. He swerved around me after a quick nod of acknowledgement and made his way quickly up the stairs. I rolled my eyes and entered the kitchen, trying not to look as mamá quickly wiped at her face. I headed to the table, picking up an apple out of the fruit bowl and taking a bite from it as I dropped into a chair, glancing out of the window to search for Brittany.<p>

"Did you have fun at the beach today, querida?"

"Sí, mamá."

"Who was there?"

I looked up, surprised that she was taking so much of an interest. She was directing some dishes that were being washed up in the sink, not looking at me.

"Quinn and Brittany and Puck, and some of Puck's friends. A load of other people from our year turned up in the afternoon too." Basically our whole year had been there by the end of the day. She nodded, still focusing on doing the dishes. I watched her silently, a question popping into my head. I wondered if it was safe to ask. It was probably a touchy subject considering what my parents had been like recently, especially since that dinner with abuela.

"Mamá…" I began slowly.

"Spit it out Santana," she instructed when I paused for two long, flicking her wand to the cabinets as she began to stack the plates. I took a breath, then spoke again, watching her the whole time.

"How did you know you were in love with papá?"

One of the plates knocked against the side of the cabinet and I winced at the sound.

"Why do you ask that, Santana?" she asked stiffly, walking over to check the plate hadn't broken.

"I… uh, I just…"

"Are you trying to tell me about a boy?" she asked with a tight smile, turning towards me.

"No!" I denied immediately, shaking my head. "I just wondered, y'know, 'cause… you and papá are always fighting, and you must have loved each other once. Right?"

She sighed, leaning back against the counter and not meeting my eyes.

"I still love your father, Santana. We just have different opinions, and we both work a lot so it is difficult to find time to relax."

"Okay. But… still. How did you know?" I asked again, knocking my knuckles softly against the table leg. As reassuring as it was to hear that my parents probably weren't getting divorced anytime soon, that wasn't exactly why I'd asked the question. I think mamá knew it as well, because she was eyeing me suspiciously.

"I suppose I knew, because… I always felt like smiling when he was nearby. I never wanted to be apart from him, and it was impossible to imagine life without him." She sounded like she was going to say more, but stopped abruptly.

I bit my lip, and nodded. I tried to imagine a young Carlotta, thinking about her future with papá. I wondered how much that vision had changed, with Tony gone and hardly a day passing without a new argument. Mamá looked lost in thought as well when I looked up, but then I noticed a familiar blonde head through the window behind her and I quickly stood.

"Britt's here," I explained, dropping the half-eaten apple in the bin and rushing out of the room to open the front door. Her hand was raised to knock as I pulled it open and she smiled when she saw me.

"Hey! Sorry I'm late, I forgot the badger food so I had to go back out and get it," she explained, stepping inside. She was still dressed in what she'd worn to the beach and I could see the ties of her bikini looping around her neck.

"Hello, Brittany."

We both turned at the same time to see mamá standing in the doorway of the kitchen with a gentle, if slightly forced smile.

"Um… hi, Mrs. Lopez," Brittany replied, her eyes darting to me. I shrugged as surreptitiously as I could as I began walking towards the stairs, and she followed. The moment mamá disappeared back into the kitchen Brittany leaned forward.

"Why did your mum say hello to me?" she demanded in a confused whisper.

"I don't know. She was talking to me earlier as well, like… asking about the beach. I think she's just… I dunno," I repeated, shrugging and risking a glance back. I couldn't see her.

"So…?" Brittany started in a slightly louder voice, tugging on my arm.

I wanted to smile, but instead did my best to maintain as oblivious expression as I could manage.

"So what?"

"You… you…"

"Yeah?" I asked, quickening my pace so I was a few steps in front of her as we approached my room.

The expression on her face was halfway between a pout and being utterly confused. It was adorable.

"You said you had a surprise…"

She trailed off as I opened my bedroom door and stepped inside, holding it open for her so she could look straight into my room, onto my bed and see the tiny brown tabby kitten struggling to walk over the duvet. I held my breath, flicking my eyes between the kitten and her face as she took a tentative step closer. The kitten let out a tiny mewl and attempted to walk in our direction, but the charms I'd set up stopped him from getting too close to the edge. He pawed at them, rising up on his hind legs for a few seconds before toppling over.

"Santana," she breathed, dropping to her knees to stare the kitten in the eye. He meowed again and attempted to pounce at her, but once again was knocked gently back by the charms. "Is… is it…?"

"He's yours," I confirmed, closing the door quietly behind me. "One of mamá's politician friends was round the other day and mentioned she had some kittens to sell, so I figured… why shouldn't one of them go the girl who got an O in Care of Magical Creatures? I picked him up this morning, it's why I was late," I explained.

"He's-" Brittany stopped to giggle as the kitten suddenly lost its footing and flopped down onto my duvet. She turned to look at me, her face brighter than I'd seen it in ages. "He's wonderful. Thank you, Santana," she said, rising to her feet once again and wrapping her arms around my neck. I moved mine around her waist in turn and enjoyed the sensation of being close to her. I stayed still, hoping it would make the hug last longer, and realised it actually was lasting quite a long time - was she lingering? Was it just me lingering and she didn't want to pull away because of that? Then she did pull away, returning to cooing at the cat. Yes, it must have just been me lingering. I held in a sigh as I knelt down next to her, smiling as the kitten tried to chase her fingers when she drew them across the bed.

"What're you going to call him?" I asked.

"I think he needs a strong name. Like… a King, or a Lord, or a Duke, or a Sir. Something like that. But he needs another name too because they all have real names." She paused, tilting her head a little as she considered the kitten, reaching out to lift him up. "He's stripy… and kind of chubby… tubby… ooh!" she exclaimed suddenly. "Lord Tubbington!"

I blinked once, and looked between her excited face and the struggling kitten.

"Lord Tubbington?" I repeated.

"Yes! It's perfect! Isn't it perfect, Lord Tubbington?" she said to the cat, bringing him closer to cradle against her chest and planting a gentle kiss on the top of his head.

I smiled, resisting the urge to do the same to her.

"Yeah, it fits him. I'll be back in a minute, okay? I'm just going to grab his food from downstairs."

She nodded, her eyes never leaving the kitten that had now stopped struggling and instead settled into her. I rose quietly, not wanting to disturb either of them, and quickly made my way out of the room and down to the pantry where I'd been keeping him during the day so that he wouldn't escape but would have more space to run around in. I balanced the dish carefully as I returned to the room, not wanting to spill any of the water, but when I pushed my door open again I realised it wasn't needed anyway. Brittany was sprawled out on top of my bed, her mouth slightly open but eyes definitely closed, with the kitten - Lord Tubbington - curled up on her stomach and also fast asleep.

I set the dish down on the floor, making sure the windows and doors were secured properly, before settling down on my bed opposite Brittany. I was sort of sleepy, but not enough to stop me lying awake trying to work out everything I'd shoved to the back of my mind today.

_Te amo…_

_Why_ had I said that? What had possessed me to come out with something so stupid? I didn't _love _Brittany - at least, not like she wanted me to.

_I always felt like smiling when he was nearby. I never wanted to be apart from him, and it was impossible to imagine life without him_

My mother's words came back to me and I sighed as I reached out to brush away a strand of blonde hair that had fallen over Brittany's face. She _did_ make me smile. A lot. The only time I could remember not wanting to smile was when she started going on about being in love and I just… panicked. _Because you're not in love_, I reminded myself. But I didn't ever like being apart from her, either. Although that was probably normal for best friends, but I _hated_ it when she went off with Artie or went away on her family holidays - it was why I'd been so happy to be invited this year. And life without her…

I gulped, watching her chest rise and fall slowly. The corners of her lips were turned up, and one hand was resting protectively to the side of her stomach, from where it must have been draped around Lord Tubbington. I _couldn't_ imagine life without her. She'd been part of my life for as long as I could remember. I couldn't remember life before her, and I definitely didn't want to think about my life without her. She made me smile and laugh like no one else could. I didn't have to worry about her judging me and I could tell her anything… except this. Except how confused she made me feel. It wasn't even a recent development. I'd never understood how the tiniest kiss from her could take my breath away, or how a brush of her fingers could make my skin tingle for more. I didn't understand why right now, as she slept, I wanted to lean in and kiss her until I had no breath left at all… but I was starting to understand.

But I couldn't love her. And not because of what people would say - although the thought of other people made my stomach clench - but because of what I'd already said to her. I'd pushed her away. I'd told her she was confused, I'd sent her to Artie.

I shuffled a little closer to her on the bed, watching her face for any signs that she might be stirring. When none came, I leaned in to brush my lips against hers as lightly as I could. My head buzzed at the touch, even after I'd pulled away and checked she hadn't woken up.

She was going to hate me for this. She was going to hate me if I told her I loved her when I'd pushed her away and to Artie. I'd had my chance. I couldn't risk losing Brittany to try and get another, especially when I wasn't even sure what it was I felt for her.

I did feel something though. Something more than what I should feel for my best friend. I felt it every time I saw her with Artie, and I couldn't keep pretending it was because I didn't like him - although I didn't, not at all. But it was more than that. Every time he was acting like her boyfriend, I wanted to be in his place. I wanted to be the one sneaking away giggling, and kissing her in public, and just… just holding her hand. And even though I couldn't have any of that, I couldn't stop myself touching her or tempting her, just to get a reaction that said maybe she did still love me.

I sat up for a moment to grab the blanket at the end of my bed, pulling it over Brittany up to her waist so I wouldn't disturb the kitten. Then I slipped under it as well, and moved as close to her as I thought I could without waking her. I kept my eyes open for as long as possible so I could carry on watching her sleep. When I finally couldn't stay awake any longer, the knowledge settled onto me and I didn't even try to fight or argue with it.

_I love her_.

* * *

><p><strong>It only took her 21 chapters to realise… xD<strong>

**Apparently windbreakers are an English thing, so for those of you who didn't understand why Finn was trying to put up a coat – it's not a coat. It's a large sheet of thick canvas attached to wooden poles that are knocked into the sand, designed specifically to create a kind of wall that protects you from the wind.**


	22. Bludger Attack

**Chapter 22: Bludger Attack**

_September, Sixth Year_

For once, we weren't sat together in the Great Hall. I was sat with the Slytherins, paying little attention to them, and the next table over Brittany was wedged between Becky and, of course, Artie. I resisted scowling in his direction, just in case Brittany noticed and thought it was aimed at her - although that wasn't likely, considering how her eyes hadn't moved from the front of the room for the last ten minutes. The Sorting Ceremony was coming to an end, and as I heard Professor Sylvester call out 'Pierce, Chloe' I quickly retrained my gaze on the stool. Chloe was hurrying over to it and pulled the hat hard enough over her head that it slipped right past her nose, but she wasn't sat there for long. The Sorting Hat sung out after barely a second of consideration.

"Ravenclaw!"

I cheered immediately along with Brittany and the entire Ravenclaw table, for once not caring what anyone thought. Chloe had a smile on her face that made her look just like her sister, and I was glad that she didn't have the same bad start to life at Hogwarts that Brittany and I had. Of course it had all turned out fine in the end - well, mostly - but at the time not being in the same house had seemed devastating.

I tuned out the rest of the Sorting, not really caring about any of the other little kids and just clapping when I was supposed to. My eyes were trained back on the Hufflepuff table, instead. She was giggling with Artie. Now that I understood it was jealousy I felt, as well as the outright dislike towards him that I'd always harboured, it made it that much harder not to march over and force them apart by sitting between them. But I couldn't do that. I didn't want to make a spectacle.

Now the thought was in my head, it wouldn't go away. For the rest of the summer I'd been thinking about her, and everything that had ever confused me about us just fell into place. I still didn't know what to do, though. I'd been agonising over every time I could have told her before she got with Artie - even before Mike. But then I realised it didn't matter, because even if I had worked out my feelings sooner, I was still too scared to say anything. Just because I knew it in my head, that didn't make it safe to admit it out loud. I'd tried. Last night, alone in my bedroom, I'd tried to whisper it to myself. The words had been there in my head, repeating over and over. _I love Brittany. I love Brittany_. But I couldn't bring myself to say it.

So if I couldn't even admit it out loud when I was alone, what was I supposed to do about it now? She was curled up around Artie right now, giggling at something he'd said, and I felt my dislike for him intensify. Maybe if I could just show her how useless he really was? If I could only get her to consider me as a possibility again - show her I wouldn't break her heart; that I understood now. I had to be so careful not to mess things up this time. But I wasn't beaten yet. She'd been mine first, even if I hadn't realised at the time.

The food arrived, and the feast passed so slowly without Britt by my side. I should have been used to it, but I wasn't. I nodded disinterestedly when Slytherins came over to congratulate me on my captaincy, trying to get a good word in so I'd consider them for the team. They were all idiots. I was going to pick whoever was best, not whoever could come up with the most compliments. Still, it was a nice feeling, having this power. I was finally getting recognition for all the hard work I'd put into getting us the Quidditch Cup last year.

Finally it was over. I was glad. I didn't think I could take much more of Artie drooling over Brittany, or Brittany planting soft but repeated kisses on his cheek, or Berry's comments to me about how cute they looked. At least most people had the sense to work out I disliked Artie and didn't mention it.

Brittany didn't even wait for me. She waved, hurried over to congratulate Chloe then left with Artie. I found myself jostled in the middle of a group of Gryffindor first years. Hearing Kurt direct them, I pushed my way through to him, ignoring their squeals.

"Hey Hummel, where were you for our beach party? The whole year was there but you."

He gave me a tentative smile - did he really still think I was out to get him? - then shook his head.

"I couldn't come. I've been working at St. Mungo's all summer, trying to get experience so they'll take me on when I finish Hogwarts."

"You want to be a healer?" I asked, somewhat surprised but not really sure why. I hadn't really thought about my future yet. It seemed too far away.

He nodded. "My… my mum…" He hesitated, looking unsure.

"She died, didn't she?" I said, quiet enough that the first years wouldn't hear.

"You brother died too, right?"

I froze, unprepared for the conversation to come back to me, then nodded stiffly. It seemed to help him, though, because he started speaking again almost straight away.

"I want to help people, like I saw the healers helping my mum. And… and there's this friend I have. Blaine. He finished Hogwarts last year, and now he's a junior healer. He says he can help me get in, and he's been looking out for me all summer."

I considered the broad, reminiscent smile on Kurt's face and cocked an eyebrow.

"Friend, huh?"

His smile instantly shifted and his cheeks turned red. I laughed aloud, then slowed my steps as I realised I'd reached the steps down to the dungeon.

"Alright, Hummel, I guess I'll see you around. You taking Transfiguration this year?"

"Yes."

"Tomorrow morning it is, then," I called as I started down the steps. Almost immediately I bumped into Karofsky.

"Wouldn't get too close to that one, Lopez. You might catch something," he jeered.

I opened my mouth to retort and found my throat was dry. I snapped it shut, giving him the best eye-roll I could manage as I marched past, my stomach churning with sudden fear.

* * *

><p><em>One month later<em>

I was fuming. How could she have kept this a secret? I knew she wanted to get me back for the last match, but - he was her boyfriend! I heard about him _far_ more than I wanted to, but she hadn't mentioned he was on the quidditch team?

"Oi, listen to me!" I yelled, throwing a water bottle at Azimio and hitting him in the arm. He stopped joking with Karofsky and both turned to take in my scowl. "You two, you have to focus on Abrams. He's the unknown here, we need him out of the game."

Azimio frowned. "But what about Pierce? She's the one who's going to-"

"Are you the captain, or am I?" I snapped.

"…You. But-"

"Exactly. Do as I say. If you get him, aim for Hudson. We're going to win this by scoring like before. A bludger isn't going to stop Bri- …Pierce catching the snitch."

Azimio shrugged moodily and I rolled my eyes.

"Come on everyone, let's go!" I called, a clap of my hands sending them scurrying into lines, and we marched out onto the pitch.

I was nervous. I didn't like that our first match was against Hufflepuff, and I certainly didn't like that I'd found out about Artie being involved so late. My eyes snapped to him immediately as we walked towards our positions. His legs were somehow attached to his broom and he was already hovering - of course they would have to make special considerations for him.

Professor Beiste was standing ready, and I avoided Brittany's eyes as we went into position. She was probably ogling Artie anyway.

"A reminder to everyone that quidditch is a fair game, and you will _all_ play fair!" she called out, looking mostly at the Slytherin team. Favouritism much?

The whistle blew and, as had been arranged, Puck dived in for the quaffle as I flew above ready to catch it. Our new chaser, a fourth year named Anna who showed surprising promise considering I'd never seen her fly before the trials, hovered ready to tackle in case the Hufflepuffs got the ball. I smirked when I saw Artie received a hefty elbow to his side, knocking him out of the way, but the smile fell straight off my face when the whistle blew again.

"Cobbing! Free throw to Hufflepuff!" Professor Beiste shouted.

Puck looked just as furious as I felt when he dropped the quaffle into Artie's waiting arms. Talk about special treatment! I mean, yes, it had technically been a foul. But we'd never been called out on cobbing before - well, except that one time when Jason's elbow had broken Finn's nose as he struggled to score.

I took a deep breath, and watched as Anna succeeded in tackling the chaser Artie had thrown to after only a few moments of play. I zoomed up to the goal just behind her where Finn was ready and waiting, but at the last moment she passed to me and I sent the quaffle straight through the unprotected left hoop.

"_Ten-nil to Slytherin after that horrible foul! It should be docked!"_

I thought I recognised Sugar's voice in the commentary that echoed around the stadium, but I had other worries as I watched Artie fly faster than I had been expecting down the pitch, scoring with ease.

"_Yes! That's a goal for Hufflepuff, way to go, Artie!"_

"You two, get on it!" I shouted at Karofsky and Azimio. They already had a bludger under control though, batting it between them to move it more accurately down the pitch. The Hufflepuff beater sent another bludger their way but Karofsky sent it straight back and they continued batting theirs with ease. Seeing that Puck and Anna had control of the quaffle again, I ignored that for now in favour of supervising this. Now he'd scored they could actually see how much of a threat he was, but I wasn't going to risk them messing it up. He was approaching from below.

"Now!" I called, and Azimio sent the bludger spinning down in the direction of Artie. It was fast, and it was going to knock him out of the game for sure. For a moment I felt a little guilty, because Brittany was going to be upset. Then there was a flash of blonde, and a crack that echoed around the entire stadium.

She was falling. I was frozen, in too much shock from seeing the bludger collide directly with the side of her head, but she was still falling, and I gathered my wits enough to plummet down after her. Someone cast a hovering charm to stop her crashing into the ground, but the closer I got - oh _god_, there was so much blood! I stumbled off my broom and over to her as she was gently lowered to the grass, but even as I knelt down I realised I had no idea what to do.

"B-Brittany?" I whispered. "Britt, you gotta wake up…" I reached out to try and wipe away some of the dark liquid that covered the entire side of her face, but a hand snatched mine back at the last minute just as Madam Pillsbury appeared and began clearing away the blood.

"You… w-what…"

I couldn't speak properly. I couldn't look away. All around I could hear the buzz of conversation, and I was vaguely aware that above me the other players had stopped moving, but it was just Brittany. Brittany, unconscious, covered in blood. I gulped as I saw some trickle down her face and tried to reach out again, but whoever was behind stopped me.

"She… her mouth, the blood… 's gonna get in," I mumbled, pulling weakly against the hold on me. I'd never seen so much blood before. Her quidditch uniform was ruined, the yellow fabric stained dark. It was in her hair as well, matting it into red stickiness. I blinked away the tears that were forming, forcing them away so that I could see clearly.

"You can't touch her, you'll make it worse."

Puck's voice? I didn't really care. I tugged against him anyway but he wouldn't let me get any closer. I wanted to turn around and bury my head in his chest so I wouldn't have to see, but… no, that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to turn around and bury my face into _Brittany_. There were other teachers around now, and I realised Brittany was being lifted with another hovering charm. I jerked to my feet, knocking against Puck.

"W-where are you taking her? Is she gonna be alright?" I asked, looking from Professor Beiste to Madam Pillsbury to Professor Schuester and finally back to Brittany, barely hearing what they were saying about the Hospital Wing. I tried to follow, but Puck pulled me back again.

"-finish the game."

I blinked, then spun around to look at him.

"…Finish it?" I repeated. "I can't. I have to go after her."

"You can't, they need space. We need to finish the game." I shook my head, turning to look for Brittany again, but he moved to step in front of me, blocking my view. "You're captain, Santana. We need you in the air, even if you don't play. Come on. Just get back on your broom. Brittany will be fine."

"You… you don't know that…" I mumbled.

"I do. I heard them talking, it's probably just a little skull fracture, Madam Pillsbury will fix her in no time."

I felt sick at the mention of 'skull fracture' and closed my eyes. He wouldn't let me, though, and shook me by the shoulders.

"Santana, get yourself together! Britt wouldn't want you falling apart like this. She wouldn't want you to risk your captaincy. Get back on your broom."

I felt something pushed into my hand. I blinked a few times, then realised it was my Nimbus. Slowly, I mounted it. I looked across at Puck and he nodded encouragingly, mounting as well. I pushed off the ground and followed him slowly back up to the sky. We were back in our starting positions - with one obvious gap. Professor Beiste's whistle blew, but I didn't make a move for the quaffle. Instead I rose up, above the height of the stadium so I could see three figures on the path to the castle - two walking quickly, the other horizontal and floating.

I didn't follow the rest of the match. I just knew it went on for too long. Our seeker was as useless as always. I heard the cheers that signified the sighting of the snitch and refocused long enough to see his failure to catch it before tuning out again. Brittany was long out of sight, but I stayed where I was, just in case someone came back with news.

I realised there was cheering again and opened my ears to it just in time to hear Sugar's commentary.

"_Slytherin win two hundred to thirty, in the most unfair game in the…"_

He voice trailed away as I set off in the first burst of speed I'd had since getting back on my broom. I didn't bother going to the ground, but instead went straight over the stadium walls and flew as fast as I could towards the castle. Towards Brittany…

* * *

><p>"No."<p>

"But-"

"No buts, Santana! Brittany will be fine-"

"If she's fine why can't I go see her?" I shouted, resisting the urge to hex Professor Schuester as he blocked my entrance to the Hospital Wing.

"She needs to recover, and will not be awake for some time anyway-"

"What? Why not?"

"She has been placed in a temporary state of sleep to give her body time to rest and-"

"_State of sleep_?" I yelped, dread running through my body again. My hands were shaking and my breathing was getting faster. That was what they'd done to Tony a few times. They called it sleep, but it wasn't really. It was unconscious. The last time they'd tried it, he hadn't woken up.

"Santana, if you do not calm down I will have to fetch Professor Sylvester! Brittany has to rest! You cannot do anything, so go to your common room. Celebrate your win," he added in a dry tone.

That really did make me want to hex him. Did he really think I liked winning like this? I spun away before I could do something I'd regret, turning the corner and running into a hobbling Artie.

"_You_! What kind of boyfriend are you, letting Brittany take that hit for you?" I demanded, shoving him backwards. His eyes widened and he stumbled into the wall.

"Is she okay?" he muttered.

"They won't fucking let me in to see! And it's your fault, you shouldn't have let her get in the way like that!" I yelled, pushing past him.

"You're the one who sent the bludger," he murmured.

I whipped my wand out and sent a curse flying in his direction. It missed, singing the edge of a tapestry, but he still looked suitably terrified. "Fuck off!" I shrieked, storming down the corridor and then down the steps. I was about to head down the steps to the dungeons when I paused, and instead moved towards the Hufflepuff common room. My fingers tapped out the rhythm on the barrels from muscle memory, which was fortunate because my head was not in the right place to actually think about that right now. I walked swiftly in, ignoring the sudden glares sent my way as I pushed past anyone who got in my way and entered Brittany's dorm.

Lord Tubbington was still confined to this room until he got older because Brittany was worried he'd get lost, but I couldn't leave him here without her. He meowed plaintively when I scooped him up and cradled him against my chest, pushing the door open and moving back down the short corridor only to come face to face with Finn Hudson, who was frowning down at me and still in his quidditch uniform.

"Santana, we don't think you should come here anymore," he said loudly. A murmur of agreement swept around the room and I took a step closer, meeting his eyes with a glare of my own.

"Oh really?"

He nodded, a little hesitantly. "Really. It's your fault Brittany's hurt and- _Ah_!" he yelped as I delivered a swift kick to his shin, and I tried to contain my fury.

"You really think I'd want to take a step inside here if not for Brittany? Don't flatter yourself, Hudson. If you're looking for someone to blame, what about your own beaters, huh? They're the ones meant to protect Brittany, and Merlin knows she's your most valuable player. You should have them circling her 24/7," I snapped, sending a scowl at one of the beaters I noticed to my right, then pushing my way past Finn.

"Well, you… you still can't come in here!" he called after me.

I slammed the door shut behind me, making the barrels rattle a little, and finally made my way to the Slytherin common room.

They were there. Gathered around the fireplace, muttering to each other. Except they weren't really muttering - they were too big and troll-like to do anything actually _quietly_. I held the kitten close to me as I marched forward, wand ready. Karofsky noticed me first and patted Azimio on the shoulder just as I sent out the first bolt of magic, knocking both of them to the floor.

"What the _fuck _was that?" I screamed, already trembling again as my rage swelled up at the sight of them. "Do you take joy in directly disobeying my instructions? I explicitly said to ignore Brittany and go after Artie and Finn, but _no_, you're too fucking stupid to even get that right!"

"Hey, hey, we did what you said, it was meant to go at Abrams!" Karofsky protested, trying to climb to his feet. More magic cut the side of his face and sent him straight back down again with a gasp.

"Well your aim is fucking off!"

"Well you were wrong about her catching the snitch at least," Azimio snorted.

My anger bubbled, and a spurt of magic from my wand made him gasp, then moan aloud as large, painful boils suddenly erupted all over his face. The kitten squirmed against my hold and I was forced to withdraw my wand from pointing at the pair to get a better hold on it.

"You're off the team, Azimio." My gaze shifted to Karofsky. He remained silent, staring up at me. The cut on his face was bleeding slightly. He hadn't been the one to send the bludger at Brittany. He hadn't questioned my orders. I turned away without another word to him, walking through the hushed audience that parted for me. I had only gone up a few steps towards my dorm when the silence broke and I heard a babble of excited voices start up.

* * *

><p><em>2 days later<em>

I sighed, reaching out for the fourth time as Lord Tubbington attempted to crawl into the fire. This cat I'd bought Brittany was the stupidest animal I'd ever met. I'd caught him trying to climb out of the window yesterday. And he ate _constantly_ - nothing ever seemed to fill him up, and every few hours he'd start meowing for more food. I'd tried to just give him bigger portions, but it never seemed to help. Luckily I'd been able to get his food from the kitchens, since the Hufflepuffs wouldn't let me in their common room at the moment. He began trying to hike up my leg instead, and I didn't bother to stop him. It was probably the least dangerous thing he'd tried all day.

"Hey Santana!"

I twisted my head to locate the excited voice to see Puck hurrying over from the common room entrance.

"It's Brittany!"

I was alert immediately, scooping up Lord Tubbington into my arms again - had he really got heavier in the space of two days? - and turning properly towards Puck.

"What is it? Is she okay?"

"She's awake! I just overheard Professor Schue talking with Professor Beiste- Oh, okay," he muttered as I dropped Lord Tubbington into one of his hands and rushed past him.

"Thanks Puck!" I remembered to call out before leaving the common room, running as fast as I could towards the Hospital Wing. Why had nobody told me sooner?

With no Professor Schuester this time it was easy to push through the doors to the Hospital Wing and locate Brittany in one of the end beds at the other side of the room. I ran forward again, slowing to a walk when I saw that she was indeed awake, sitting up and eating an orange, her head bandaged. She noticed me and her face lit up, dropping the orange and her arms reaching out. I fell into them, careful not to knock her head and unable to stop all the tears gathering in my eyes from falling.

"Hey, hey Santana, don't cry!" she protested, wiping them away from one cheek as I sniffled against her shoulder. "I'm okay, I promise!"

"You… you got hit so hard," I mumbled into her, trying to subtly wipe away the other tears against her shoulder even as more fell. "And there was so much _blood_!" I gasped, the image of Brittany unconscious on the grass coming back to me with full force. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tighter. She hummed quietly as I struggled to contain my crying, stroking her fingers through my hair and helping me wipe away the tears with her other hand.

"So… so you're really okay?" I sniffed, finally pulling my head away from her to examine her properly. Purple and yellow bruises littered the side of her face and the bandages were thick, blocking from sight the area I'd seen hit.

"I'm really okay. My head hurts, but I have potions to help with that, and Madam Pillsbury says she'll take the bandages off tomorrow and I should be able to leave."

I nodded, finally finishing my examination of her injuries to meet her eyes. Impulsively I leaned in, planting a gentle kiss on the side of her forehead that wasn't covered up. My lips hovered over her skin for a moment, then lowered to kiss her cheekbone as well. I heard a quick inhalation of breath and her hand tightened around mine, but just as I was moving further down again I heard a call from behind and immediately pulled back.

"Brittany, you're okay!"

It would be him. Of course it would be him. Brittany's eyes were still on me, though. I pulled back, quickly wiping away any remnants of tears that might be on my face so he wouldn't see them.

"I have Lord Tubbington. And I've been looking out for Chloe, as well. I'll go find her, let her know you're awake," I muttered, breaking the eye contact to pull my hand from hers.

"Thank you, Santana," she called after me as I backed away, knocking against Artie as I did so. He sent me a badly concealed glare before stepping forward to take my place. I watched as he kissed her on the lips, just like I'd been planning to do only a few seconds before, then turned away. I couldn't watch them together. Just over a month back at Hogwarts, and I still hadn't done anything useful to show her I felt differently now. I was too much of a coward.

I caught sight of another blonde and I stopped short when I realised Quinn was standing by the entrance to the Hospital Wing. She waved at Brittany, then walked out with me. We were silent for several long moments until she finally spoke up, in a voice so quiet I had to strain to hear her.

"Why don't you tell her?"

A chill ran through my body.

"Tell her what?" I replied in a tight voice.

"That you love her."

I couldn't help but glance up the corridor and behind me to check no one had heard, even though Quinn was speaking so quietly it was difficult for me to hear.

"You're crazy, Quinn. I told you to drop this last year. Just 'cause your thing with Matt fell through, no need to try and set up the rest of us," I told her, also staying quiet. I could see her rolling her eyes as I replied.

"Please, you've been pining over her ever since she got with Artie. Even more so since the start of the year - and at the beach, too."

My whole body was buzzing and I didn't know what to do. Was I really that obvious? Did everyone know? No, because if they did then Brittany would know too.

"We're just friends," I managed to retort.

She laughed. "I know, and you hate it."

I stopped, checking the corridor again before turning to glare at her.

"What are you trying to do, Fabray?"

She sighed. "I'm trying to help you, Santana. It may be an alien concept to you, but I care about you, and Brittany. She deserves to know how you feel."

I let out a quiet groan of frustration. "Q, even if I did for whatever reason start crushing on Britt - which I'm not, by the way - I couldn't tell her. She has Artie. And what about everyone else? I don't want to be the laughing stock of the school. I won't be. So drop it, okay?"

I turned and began to walk away, hating myself. I wanted to talk about it. I really, really did. Even if not with Brittany, with someone, but… I still couldn't say it out loud. That had been the perfect opportunity, and I was almost certain that she knew, and yet still I couldn't say it, I had to deny everything. She didn't understand how hard it was.


	23. Misconceptions

****Theme song for this chapter: watch?v=7jyG3MCdNbw****

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 23: Misconceptions<strong>

_October, Sixth Year_

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, Santana, I promise! Go to class!"

She bit her lip, glancing over her shoulder in the direction of the Charms classroom then back at me. I'd had to stay an extra day in the Hospital Wing, and she'd been stuck to me since the moment I'd been discharged, even coming into my classes that she wasn't registered for. But now she had her own class, and was refusing to go.

"Santana, you need to go. You have a test. I can't come in. _Go_," I ordered as firmly as possible. "You're going to be late! I don't want you to fail your test because of me, _please_, go!"

My head twisted to the side at the same time as hers when a bang echoed down the corridor. A small puff of yellow smoke was rising from where a Gryffindor boy was lying on the floor. Karofsky came barrelling down the corridor a few seconds later, laughing loudly. I glanced back at Santana and was surprised to see her looking almost scared for a moment, before she turned her attention back to me.

"What if you black out or something? She said that might happen while you're on that potion-"

"Very rarely. I'll go find Artie, okay? If something happens he'll take me back to the Hospital Wing."

A flash of a scowl crossed her face and she unsuccessfully tried to hide it, but now she didn't really have anything to argue against. Besides, she seemed kind of half-hearted in her arguments now.

"I… okay, I'll go. But Artie needs to come find me if something happens, okay?"

She was backing up regretfully, but she knew as well as I did that she was probably already late, and after a few seconds she finally turned and hurried away towards Kurt had just been knocked over and was now struggling to his feet. I watched until she followed him round the corner, just so I could be sure she wasn't about to change her mind and rush back to me, then turned to head to the library. I hadn't really spent much time with Artie since the accident. Santana had been around so much and I thought she'd been avoiding him. Plus the other Hufflepuffs didn't like her at the moment, but it wasn't her fault I got hurt.

I found him easily enough, right next to the Magical Creatures bookcase. He jumped up as soon as he saw me – well, he tried to, but his legs made it a bit difficult – and hurried over to hug me, kissing me on the cheek.

"How are you feeling?" he asked straight away, his eyes flicking to the top of my head. The bruises had almost completely disappeared now and only a small cut remained.

"I'm fine, Artie. You're as bad as Santana," I joked.

He frowned. "Well it's because of Santana that I don't know. I've barely seen you since you got hurt," he complained, walking with me back to the table he was at and closing the book he'd been reading.

"Oh no, I don't want you to stop studying because of me!" I protested, not really sure how to reply to his comment on Santana. I knew he was kind of right, but I didn't want to agree because she was just looking out for me. "I should study too probably."

"No, no, I want to spend time talking with you!" he replied, pushing the book to the side. "How long have I got before Santana swoops in and takes you away again?" He was speaking in a jokey tone, but I could tell he was actually serious.

I shrugged uncomfortably. "She's in Charms. She's just looking out for me, and since she can't come in the Hufflepuff common room at the moment it's just easier to stay in Slytherin. I'm sorry, Artie, I'm not trying to avoid you," I assured him, reaching out to take his hands.

He shook his head. "Oh, don't worry, I know. It's not your fault. I guess she's just feeling a bit guilty and wants to make it up to you. It's fine, I get you now," he added with a smile, squeezing my hands lightly.

I was frowning, though, not quite understanding what he had said. "Guilty?" I repeated.

"Yeah?"

"Well why would she be guilty? She hasn't done anything wrong."

It was his turn to frown. "Has she really kept you from hearing?"

"Hearing _what_, Artie?" I asked, suddenly nervous. I didn't mean to snap, but it came out like that anyway. I didn't like hearing things about Santana secondhand. Especially when those things were apparently bad.

He squeezed my hands a little tighter and looked me straight in the eye. "She's the one who sent that bludger at me."

I shook my head immediately. "No, it was Azimio. She kicked him off the team, she told me."

"Yeah, because he hit you instead. But she's the one who ordered it. Derek heard her shout 'now' just before Azimio sent the bludger, and him and Karofsky were batting it between them before that with her nearby. She's… look," he said, reaching up a hand to gently touch my cheek. I stared back at him, not sure how I was meant to react to this. "I know you don't like hearing this. But… I figured you'd want to know. Right?" he checked.

I nodded mutely, even though I wasn't really sure, because he sounded so worried he'd done something wrong. But he hadn't. He'd done everything right. But… would Santana really have done that?

"I… I don't want to talk about Santana," I said quietly after a short pause. I forced a smile onto my face. "I want to talk about you. Have you done anything fun I've missed?"

He seemed uncertain – he was getting better at working out when my smiles weren't real – but nodded and came up with a similar smile.

"Sure. I helped Becky sneak into the elf kitchens last night. I was out after curfew because… uh, well, I was looking for you. But I found her lost in the dungeons, and she said she got hungry but didn't have any food. So I showed her the way to the kitchen – we almost got caught by Professor Sylvester! I heard her yelling at some other kid though, so I managed to hide us behind a suit of armour except then it started walking down the corridor!"

I covered my mouth with my hand so I wouldn't interrupt his story with my giggling. Artie could always make me smile even when I was feeling really down. It was one of the things I loved most about him. I just wasn't quite sure whether I loved _him_.

* * *

><p>"This is nice," Santana sighed as she settled into the warm, bubbly water, sinking underneath the surface for a moment to get her hair wet. "Have I mentioned how glad I am that we don't have to blackmail prefects for the password now?"<p>

"Lots."

I gave her a small smile and turned away when she popped up a little too much out of the water so I wasn't tempted to look. She never used to be like this. She always stayed under the bubbles and purposely looked away from me, like I was doing now. She'd changed, though. Ever since the start of this year; she'd become more confident, or something like that. But it made things harder.

I lifted my arms up to lie on the edge of the tiles, resting my chin lightly on top of my wrist and staring across the room. The mermaid in the mosaic was performing intricate jumps and spins over the surface of the sea in her picture. I could almost feel Santana's eyes on me, but I didn't want to turn around. I wanted time to think. I wished I could have that away from her, but she wouldn't give me enough space for that. I needed to try and work out if what Artie had said was true. I knew he thought it was – he wouldn't lie to me – but maybe he was just confused. Maybe he'd got it wrong.

I tensed the moment I felt a hand on my back. Her fingers slipped under a layer of hair to trace lightly up my spine and rest on the back of my neck. What was she doing? I was trying to think.

"What is it?" she whispered, her breath hitting my ear.

I pressed closer to the side of the pool when I felt her get closer, but her body brushed up against my back anyway. I turned my head further away from her, but goosebumps still rose all over my body when her other hand slid up my arm to gently brush the side of my face.

"Brittany."

Her fingers slipped under my chin and pressed lightly at the other side of my jaw. Reluctantly I turned my head to look at her. She was closer than I thought. The hand on my face shifted up to run through my hair, and the other on my neck pressed down slightly, urging my face closer. I stared at her, trying to work out what she was doing, but she wasn't meeting my eyes. She was looking down, and leaning in, and-

"Santana!"

I stumbled away from her the moment her lips brushed mine, breaking out of her hold. My heart was racing and I didn't know what to do. I spun so I didn't have to look at her and so she couldn't look at me. Why had she done that?

"Britt… Brittany, come on, it was just-"

"Just what?" I demanded. My voice came out high-pitched – almost a squeak. "Is it true?" I asked suddenly when she didn't reply. "About the bludger?" My words were rushed. But she wasn't going to give me any time to think and give her the benefit of the doubt, so I just had to ask.

"W-what do you mean?"

My heart sank. I could tell just from those words that Artie had been right. There was no chance that Santana wouldn't know what people were saying about her.

"You ordered them to send it at Artie," I whispered, more for my benefit than hers. I didn't understand.

"No, I didn't-"

"Don't lie!"

I twisted in the water again to find her looking so obviously guilty and it made me even angrier. Was she really trying to lie about this to _me_? We didn't lie to each other!

"Why'd you do it?" I asked, trying to keep calm. I didn't want to shout at her, I just wanted to understand. But the thought of Artie getting hurt like I had been just kept popping up in my head. Why would she do that? Didn't she know it would hurt me too?

Her expression tightened and she looked up at me properly.

"Because I didn't know how good he was and it made sense tactically to get him out of the game."

I was rolling my eyes before she'd even finished. How could she think I'd accept that? Just because I didn't know much about tactics didn't mean I couldn't work out how ridiculous her excuse was. She just didn't like Artie. She never had.

"That's not a proper reason! You're… you're pathetic!" I accused, my voice squeaking again. Her face fell, but at that moment I didn't care that it was a nasty thing to say. How could she have done that? "Artie's my boyfriend and you can't stop me seeing him just because you don't like him! I can't believe you'd try and hurt him because of that – Finn's right, it _is _your fault I got hurt!"

She was shaking her head but I turned away again, scrabbling at the edge of the pool to pull myself out. She grabbed my wrist and I tried to pull away, shaking her off.

"Britt, please, just listen-"

"Get off me!" I yelled. I tried to stand but my foot slipped in a puddle and I fell, my knee cracking on the tiles loudly. Pain shot through it and I gasped, my hands slapping down on the floor to try and steady myself.

"Brittany, are you okay? Talk to me, please, tell me you're okay!"

I nodded stiffly and heard the slosh of water as she climbed out behind me. A few moments later a large, fluffy towel settled around my back.

"I'm fine," I muttered, turning my head away. I found the corner of the towel and pulled it tighter around me. I wanted to stay angry at her, I didn't want her to look after me. She'd tried to hurt Artie. It wasn't right.

"Britt, I'm sorry. I was an idiot, I shouldn't have done it. I'll be nice to him. You just… you don't understand."

"Understand what?" I snapped, my voice shaking a little.

"Why… why I…"

She trailed off, and I sat up a little to look at her properly, keeping the towel securely around me. At least she'd grabbed one for herself as well.

"You can't kiss me. You can't do that and act like it's nothing, because it's _not_. It was never _nothing_ to me. Okay?"

She nodded mutely, her eyes focused on the damp tiles beneath us.

"Why did you do it? Why'd you send it at him?" I asked again, a little more gently. I never had been able to stay angry at her for long. I was sure it was just because she didn't like me spending time with him instead of her, or something like that. But I had to ask. Just in case it was because she was jealous. I didn't know what I'd do if she was, but I had to ask. "It wasn't tactics, that makes no sense, so just… tell me."

She squeezed her eyes shut and for a moment I dared to hope.

"I can't." She said it so quietly I could barely hear her. "I… I want to, but I can't. I can't explain. Not yet. I'm sorry." Her words were halting, and she still wouldn't look at me. I wasn't even sure what she was trying to say. "Soon. I promise, soon."

I stared at her, trying to work out the meaning behind her words. A part of me wanted to jump up and down in joy because what she was saying sounded so hopeful. But, I wasn't sure I wanted to hope. Hoping but never getting anything hurt too much.

* * *

><p>I walked back to the Slytherin common room alone. I wanted to stay next to Brittany, and make sure she was okay, but she'd been adamant about spending time with Artie and after everything she'd said, I hadn't thought it a good idea to argue.<p>

I wanted to kick myself. Basically everything I'd said had been the wrong thing. Even at the end, when she'd given me the perfect opportunity to just tell her how I felt, I'd been too much of a coward. Now she probably thought I was crazy after how much I'd babbled on about 'sorry' and 'soon', not making any sense.

I didn't stop in the common room when I got there. I waved across at Puck once when he called to me but I didn't go over. I just went straight to the stairs and up. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now. I wanted to be alone, and try and work out how on earth I was going to keep that promise to Brittany that I'd tell her soon when I _still_ couldn't even say it aloud on my own. I shut the door to my dorm quietly and started towards my bed, planning to pull the curtains closed around me so I wouldn't be bothered, but I stopped short when I saw Brittany standing in the middle of the room, scowling at me.

"What… Britt? Why are you here? I thought you were going to see Artie."

She took three quick steps forward until she was standing right in front of me, the scowl still fixed on her face.

"I'm really upset with you, Santana."

My eyes widened and I took a step back. I'd thought we were okay after I'd promised to treat Artie better. She closed the distance between us again.

"You're pathetic. You won't even admit how you feel because you're too scared."

My mouth dropped open and I stumbled further back until I hit a bedpost. She walked forward slowly, still talking.

"Santana the coward. Santana the bitch. Santana the slut."

I had no power to stop the tears spilling down my cheeks. I closed my eyes, trying to stem them and block out the sight of Brittany scowling down, but it didn't help. Her sweet, innocent voice continued spilling out all these horrible things I couldn't believe she was saying.

"No one here actually _likes _being your friend, y'know. Puck just wants sex. I mean, that's all _I _wanted for ages, until you started getting too touchy-feely and I had to find a real boyfriend before people started thinking I was just as much as a freak as you are. You just won't leave me alone, though. Why won't you leave me alone, Santana?"

"W-what did I do? I'm sorry, Britt. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but p-please stop," I stammered, risking opening my eyes again. Her blonde hair fell wildly around her face, and I'd never seen her look so angry before. I didn't want to believe it was her saying these things, but… there she was. There was no doubt it was her. She raised her hands high above her head.

"Everything! You followed me around when we were kids all the time when I just wanted to be alone. When Tony died you got even more obsessed, it was ridiculous! And then the sex started and you got this crazy idea I was in _love_-"

"B-but you said-"

"I said it to get rid of you! And now you think you're in love too and it's even worse. You got so jealous of Artie that you sent me to the Hospital Wing for a few days so I couldn't see him! It's crazy, Santana!"

"No! No, that's not what it was!" I objected. I shook my head furiously, causing a few of the tears to drop from my face. I shifted to the side of the bedpost so I could start walking backwards again, towards the door. I had to get away. I couldn't face this. I didn't know how. She followed me though.

"You need to stop! You need to stop following me around, I hate it! I hate you!"

My back hit a wall and I only realised I'd gone past the door when it opened and Rachel stepped through. Brittany looked over as well, and… changed. One moment she was Brittany, the next she was a tomato flying at Rachel. The tomato hit her straight in the face and I would have laughed if I hadn't been in so much shock. Suddenly the sound of jeering filled the room.

"_Boo!"_

"_Get off the stage!"_

More fruit and vegetables spun towards Rachel as she struggled to get out her wand, and I couldn't do anything but watch. I didn't understand, I was so confused. Where had Brittany gone? I wasn't upset that she'd stopped shouting, but what if she was hurt? Had Rachel done something to her?

"Riddikulus!"

The food exploded into glitter and Rachel laughed once, scooping it all up with her wand and sending it into the drawer in her bedside table, which started rattling the moment it was closed. The smile dropped straight off her face when she turned back to me.

"Santana? Are you okay?"

She stepped closer and I straightened my legs, wiping hastily at my cheeks. She looked ridiculous, with fruit juices trickling down her face, but that didn't help.

"It's okay, it was just a boggart-"

"Yeah well I figured that!" I snapped. I could feel myself shaking, and I hated it because I knew she could see it too.

"You know she doesn't hate you, of course she doesn't."

"Yeah I know," I muttered. "Stop with the sentimental shit. And don't even think of telling people about this," I warned, sending her a quick glare before turning to enter the bathroom and slam the door shut behind me. The moment it was closed, I let out a gasping breath as I tried to take in that everything that had just happened. She didn't hate me. She _didn't_, there was no way. I sank to the ground, not bothering to move away from the door and just sliding down it. A few more stray tears escaped.

I couldn't wait much longer. I couldn't keep it all inside me; I was going to explode. I had to find a way to tell her, and soon; just like I'd promised. I knew she didn't hate me. I was certain of that, even if the boggart had made me question it for a few moments. But did she still love me?


	24. Forget the World

****Theme song: com/watch?v=yG0M8O7J9WA  
>Santana's song: comwatch?v=Km5VAR5HCCU****

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 24: Forget the World<strong>

_November, Sixth Year_

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

I'd never understood why clocks always seem to go slower when you watch them. Surely it would make more sense if they went faster, because you were paying attention to them?

It was close now, though. The shorter hand was basically on the twelve, and the longer one had just settled directly over the number ten. I'd charmed the clock so it let off a yellow glow, enough for me to see it properly but not so bright that it would disturb anyone else. Sugar's snores echoed around the room, letting me know that the extra light definitely didn't bother her.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

I heard a creak and sat up, turning to look at the door. Someone was coming in - but all the girls I shared with were already in the room with me. I squinted, then relaxed when I recognised the green uniform. Santana scurried across the room to my bed and I lifted the covers for her so she could slide in. I should have guessed that she'd come.

"What are you doing here? Finn's gonna be mad if he finds out you're in Hufflepuff," I whispered, pulling the quilt over the bottom of our faces to muffle the sound.

"Like I'm scared of Hudson," she whispered back. I could just about see her roll her eyes through the darkness. "It's your birthday tomorrow and we haven't planned anything!"

"Oh… I guess we haven't. But we have lessons anyway."

She shook her head and reached out for my hands, holding both of them between us. "Doesn't matter. I want to take you to dinner."

"D-dinner?" I repeated. We'd never done anything like that before. Normally we just went to bars or shopping.

She nodded firmly. "Dinner. Me and you, somewhere posh. It's your seventeenth, it's got to be special!"

Dinner with Santana, just the two of us. It sounded… well, perfect. Except-

"I can't."

"…You can't?" Her hands around mine loosened and I suddenly felt horribly guilty.

"It's… it's Artie, he's cooking for me. He's already got it all arranged. I'm sorry, Santana. We can go to dinner for your birthday, though."

Her expression was conflicted, but then it suddenly cleared and she smiled.

"Look at the clock."

I twisted in the bed to peer at the luminescent clock. While we'd been talking, the long hand had crept past the number twelve. Santana wrapped an arm around my waist and pressed a light kiss to my cheek.

"Happy birthday, Britt. We'll go to dinner another time - and it'll be way better than whatever Abrams cooks you," she added. I grinned and rolled over to retort, but she was climbing out of the bed. "I should go before the Hudson troll sniffs me down and tries to chase me away. Have a great day," she hissed across the room, already halfway out the door.

I smiled and settled down in bed, closing my eyes. It was going to be a good day.

* * *

><p>From waking up until I went to sleep, I didn't see Santana at all. Everyone I saw was saying happy birthday and commenting on how I was an adult now, but Santana wasn't even in class. I wanted to go looking for her in the Slytherin common room, but I'd had lessons all day today. I didn't understand what would keep her busy for the whole day - and on my birthday, too! I knew I'd said I couldn't have dinner with her, but was she really that upset about it? She'd been acting weird lately, but I couldn't imagine anything that would stop her being around on my <em>birthday<em>.

It was the evening now, and I still hadn't seen her anywhere. It was starting to worry me. What if something had happened to her? I wanted to go searching, but I couldn't because Artie was cooking and I was late. Hurrying through the corridors, I stopped and backpedalled when I realised I'd just passed Quinn.

"Quinn!" I called. She paused, turning and smiling when she saw me.

"Brittany, you look so nice!"

I glanced down at my dress, distracted for a moment, before refocusing.

"Have you seen Santana?" I asked, reaching out to touch her wrist.

For a moment I thought she was smirking, but then it was gone and she was just shaking her head.

"Sorry, no. Don't worry, though, she's just a bit busy with something."

"On my _birthday_? Busy with what? I haven't seen her _all day_!" I protested.

Quinn shrugged. "Oh, I don't know _exactly_… but you're going to like it," she added quickly, pulling her hand from my grasp and turning to hurry away.

I blinked once, then called after her. "Quinn, wait! Wait, I don't understand! What do you mean?"

She had already disappeared round the corner.

I sighed, picking up the pace again and soon arriving at the Room of Requirement. I still felt a bit guilty about coming here, but I couldn't work out how to explain to Artie that we shouldn't without telling him what Santana and I had used the room for, and Santana said she could deal so long as it wasn't _our_ room. And really, where else was Artie supposed to cook for me without leaving the castle?

I knocked once before pushing the door open, and was greeted by the amazing smell of whatever Artie was cooking. I stepped further in, staring around. I'd never seen the Room of Requirement look like this before - it definitely wasn't mine and Santana's room, though. There was a kitchen to one side where Artie was standing, but right in front of me was a small table with candles and cutlery all laid out ready. There was a bed as well - which should have pleased me, but really I was kind of disappointed. I'd been planning to go and find Santana after this, but I guessed I wouldn't be able to.

"Brittany! Happy birthday!" Artie called, grinning at me from the hob as he stirred whatever was in the saucepan. I bounced over with a smile to kiss him on the cheek, peering down as I did to see tomato sauce in one pan and pasta in the other.

"That smells amazing," I enthused, kissing him again for good measure.

"Well you arrived just in time, I'm about to dish up. You look lovely, by the way," he added with a smile, beginning to scoop up the pasta and sauce onto two plates then hovering them across the room. Once they were safely on the table he pulled back my seat and I settled into it. He leaned in to kiss me softly, and I felt a sudden rush of gratitude for how much effort he'd put into tonight. But as I tucked into the meal he'd made, I couldn't help but think of Quinn's earlier words about Santana. What had kept her busy all day? Something for me? That was what it sounded like, but I didn't understand because I'd told her I couldn't go to dinner.

Artie was talking and I tried to pay better attention to him, but Quinn's words and the fact that we were in the Room of Requirement made it so difficult. It was my birthday, I should be with Santana. I was always with Santana on my birthday, and on hers. It didn't feel right that I hadn't seen her. But maybe that was why she'd sneaked into my dorm last night just as the clock struck twelve.

I held in a sigh. I'd just have to wait and see - and in the meantime, try and concentrate on Artie.

* * *

><p>I crept quietly up the stairs. My eyes were still bleary with sleep, but I'd known I would need to come early to avoid Finn. I couldn't believe how irritating he was being lately, objecting any time I even came near the Hufflepuff table in the Great Hall. The other Hufflepuffs didn't really care anymore, they could see that Brittany didn't blame me… well, apart from in that one argument, but none of them knew about that.<p>

The door creaked as always when I pushed it open. There were no snores, which meant that Sugar at least was awake. Sure enough her bed was empty, but the other girls were all still sleeping - except Brittany. I frowned, walking over to find her bed perfectly made. It didn't look like she'd even slept in it.

Out-of-tune humming came from the bathroom and I walked over to it, sticking my head through the door to find Sugar dancing around in a towel to some imaginary tune in her head. I bit my tongue to stop myself either laughing or insulting her, and instead cleared my throat. She spun around and gave me a bright smile.

"Hey Santana!"

"Hi. Do you know where Brittany is?" I asked.

Sugar giggled, turning back to the mirror to carry on towel-drying her hair as she spoke. "She's with Artie somewhere. She went off to have dinner with him last night - but didn't come back!"

The strong feeling of burning distaste that I now recognised as jealousy filled me up, but I pushed it aside and just gave Sugar a quick nod, forcing a temporary smile onto my face.

"Thanks Sugar."

I walked out of the dorm then hurried across the common room quickly when I realised Finn was now lounging with Rory by the fireplace. As much as I wanted to take him down a peg or two, I didn't want to deal with that now. I had more important things to deal with, and I didn't even stop when I heard him yell my name.

That's willpower.

I guessed that with Brittany… otherwise engaged, I would just have to wait for her to emerge at breakfast. I made my way to the Great Hall and, noticing Quinn - up ridiculously early as normal - I walked over to the Ravenclaw table and sat down next to her, immediately reaching for coffee and a slice of toast.

"Everything ready?" she asked.

I nodded, a little nervous. I'd gone to her yesterday to ask for help, and even though I hadn't actually admitted the purpose of what I'd organised, I think she knew. She knew it was for Brittany, anyway. And she knew I was nervous. At least she hadn't started asking me directly about it - she'd just done what I'd asked. As if on cue with my thoughts, she passed over a brown paper bag.

"I got it from the kitchens this morning, so you don't have to wait for her to eat."

I peered into the bag then smiled gratefully, but before I could thank her properly she was gesturing behind me. I turned and found Brittany marching straight towards us. I spun around on the bench and stood, making sure my bag was securely around my shoulders, then walked to meet her.

She flung her arms around me and for a moment I froze, aware of all the eyes around us. Then I reminded myself that today was not about what I wanted - today was all about Brittany - and returned her hug for the few seconds I could before she pulled away.

"Where were you yesterday?" she demanded. Her blue eyes were wide and boring into mine. I felt a little guilty, but it would be better this way, having everything a surprise. I linked my little finger with hers and directed us towards the exit. She was still staring at me, waiting for an answer, but I kept my mouth shut until we left the Great Hall. Once in the less crowded Entrance Hall, I pulled her to the side.

"I want to take you somewhere today. For your birthday. I figured that since we couldn't spend time together much yesterday, I'd just make today into a second birthday for you. Okay?"

Her face lit up.

"So we're going to dinner?" she asked with a bright smile. "But… isn't it kind of early? I haven't even had breakfast yet."

Mentally thanking Quinn, I passed her the brown paper bag. She frowned at me for a moment, not expecting a serious response to her joke, then gasped in delight when she opened it up to reveal a still-steaming chocolate croissant. The elves or Quinn must have enchanted the bag to keep it warm.

"It's not just dinner, we're doing stuff the whole day," I explained. "So… come on! We need to get off the grounds so I can take you places!"

She nodded at once, taking a bite out of the croissant with a wide grin and following me when I tugged her to one of the side doors and outside. It was chilly out, and Brittany immediately shuffled closer and tucked an arm around my waist. I smiled at the contact, returning the favour and enjoying her surprise at the action, then started us towards the school gates. Professor Sylvester was almost always happy to give me favours now I was quidditch captain, and she had readily granted permission for me and Brittany to leave Hogwarts for the day - in exchange for five hours of extra quidditch practice, of course.

"Where are we going? Is this what you were doing all yesterday? Quinn didn't really say much-"

"Wait, Quinn told you?" I asked in dismay. I'd wanted it to be a complete surprise.

"She wouldn't tell me _anything_! Just that I'd like what you were planning and that was why you were busy and couldn't see me. But I didn't understand until just now."

I considered for a moment, then shrugged it off. It didn't sound like Quinn had given anything too bad away. I wanted to be mad at her, but with all the help she'd given me yesterday I really couldn't justify it.

"So, what are we doing?"

I grinned at her, then winked once.

"You'll have to wait and see."

She sighed dramatically and I laughed.

"Okay, here we are. Hold on tight," I instructed just after we passed through the Hogwarts gates that had conveniently been left open. She turned to face me fully and hugged me tight, her cheek pressing against my hair. I breathed her in, momentarily overwhelmed by how close she was, then forced myself to concentrate. If all went well, I would have plenty of time to appreciate her later in the day. I squeezed my eyes shut, focused on where I wanted us to be, and apparated.

To my slight disappointment she pulled away as soon as our feet hit the ground, spinning around to ascertain our location. She took one long, hard look at the shop windows filled with cauldrons and broomsticks, the milling witches and wizards, and the distant but distinctive white building of Gringotts. Then she turned back to me, her expression a mixture of excitement and curiosity.

"So what are we doing?" she asked again.

"We're not done travelling yet," I informed her, never taking my eyes away from her face. I could see her thinking hard, flicking through possibilities. "I just had to apparate here so the Trace people wouldn't get suspicious. Come on, follow me."

This time I reached for her hand properly rather than just her little finger. She looked down in surprise, then back up at me, and the look on her face was worth ten times the anxiety I was feeling that someone I knew might be about. It would get easier soon, anyway. I pulled her through the crowds and into the Leaky Cauldron. I didn't pause inside except to take the now empty paper bag from Brittany and lob it across the room into a bin. Soon we were on the streets of muggle London, and I turned to her properly to explain my plan.

"I figured we could pretend to be muggles. Go around all the muggle touristy stuff, use muggle money. We can even go on those weird underground trains if you really want. Although - all of it's only if you want. If you don't want to then we can do something else, I don't mind."

I did mind, really. I'd spent all of yesterday in the library researching, and I wanted her to be happy. She'd always liked anything to do with muggles, I guess because of her dad. But it seemed I didn't have to worry, because she was barrelling into me for the second time that day.

"It's perfect, Santana," she whispered.

I felt her breath hot against my cheek and was almost overcome with the sudden desire to kiss her. It would be so easy to just turn my head, tilt my face upwards a little and brush my lips against hers. Effortless, almost. But I couldn't, and it wasn't even because of all the people around. I couldn't, because the next time I kissed her she had to know that it meant something to me as well.

Instead, I looped my arms around her waist to hug her tightly, moved further away from her mouth to her ear, and whispered.

"Anything for you."

It sounded ridiculous. If Puck or any of the other Slytherins had heard me say that I'd never live it down. But the funny thing was, I really, honestly meant it. I couldn't think of anything I wouldn't do for her. Some things would be harder than others - like what I was planning to do today - but even if it took a while, I'd still try.

After several long moments, Brittany pulled back.

"So where are we going first?"

I reluctantly disentangled my arms from around her and reached into my bag, digging around for a second before pulling out two items. One, I handed to her with a smile.

"This is a muggle camera. I think. I hope you know how it works," I added. I'd tried to work it out, even put those metal tubes inside it, but it didn't do anything - I couldn't even see through the viewfinder. Quinn said it was because of the electric, but I'd been unsure and brought along a proper camera as well. The moment Brittany hit the switch on the top though, the metal lens suddenly moved forward in a spiral. She grinned and held it up, clicking the other button on the top and blinding me with the flash.

"Santana, look at you!" she exclaimed, spinning the camera around and confronting me with a rather unflattering picture of myself on the back. I blinked and stepped closer, taking the camera from her and seeing if the picture peeled off, like a strange kind of polaroid. It didn't, though. The picture was stuck onto the camera.

"What…?"

Brittany's giggles hit my ears and I jerked my head up.

"You shouldn't sleep so much in Muggle Studies. It's _digital_."

I tried to remember the definition of 'digital', and she laughed again.

"Like, computers? Electric?"

I shrugged, deciding that demonstrating my lack of muggle knowledge was probably not helping my case, and instead opened up the book I had tucked under my arm - _The Wizard's Guide to Demystifying Muggle London_. I flicked straight to the map at the back where I had labelled several places I thought Brittany might like, and passed it over to her. I had to remember to get rid of the markings before returning it to the library.

"You choose where we go first."

She easily switched off the camera and tucked it into her pocket to read the map - fortunately also making the bad photo of me disappear as well. After only a few moments of looking she grabbed my hand and started making her way down the street. I widened my stride to keep up with her, getting nervous when she led us down a flight of outdoor steps. I remembered the sign above it from the book - it was a symbol for the underground trains. I knew I'd said I'd be happy to go on them if she wanted, but I figured I'd have a bit more time to prepare before needing to. I bumped into Brittany at the bottom of the steps when she turned to me in dismay.

"But Santana, I don't have any muggle money! I don't even have wizard money - you should have told me before leaving!"

I shook my head, glad to be feeling a little in control again as I reached into my bag and pulled out a purse full of strange coins and paper.

"You're not paying for anything today."

"But it's _London_! Everything is so expensive-"

I shook my head again, more firmly. "I don't care. This is your birthday. You're not allowed to pay for anything," I told her. It wasn't as if my family was short on money, anyway. I walked over to one of the rectangular machines that the book had mentioned, pausing when I saw the screen, ever so slightly flickering. How was I supposed to work this again?

As if in answer, Brittany's pale hand reached over my shoulder and pressed the appropriate buttons. I struggled to enter the correct coins when prompted, a little dubious about the idea of giving money to a hunk of metal, but apparently it worked because two tickets dropped into the hollow at the bottom. I reached down to pick them out, sending a scathing look at the man behind us who was tapping his foot impatiently. We didn't take _that_ long.

As Brittany pulled me through the crowd it was essential to continue holding hands so we wouldn't get separated, and I have to say I wasn't exactly upset at the contact. I wasn't sure where we were heading, but since Brittany seemed to know I just followed her. She went ahead of me through the machines that checked our tickets - did these muggles do everything by machine? - and I copied her. It took a few attempts to get my ticket in the right way, and there were more huffing people behind me, but I paid no attention to them apart from the occasional mutter under my breath. I wanted to turn around and yell that it wasn't as simple as everyone made it look, but Britt's smile stopped me, reminding me that this day was for her. I restrained myself, and eventually we were standing side by side on a bustling platform. I could hear rattling and whistling from all sides, and with the prospect of getting on more crazy muggle transport approaching fast I turned to Britt.

"Where are we going then?"

She grinned at me. "The science museum. I can teach you all about muggles and technology, stuff like that."

I frowned for a moment. "Are you sure? I mean… do you want to do that? I'll be happy wherever we go, you don't have to do that for me."

"No, I want to! I really do, I love explaining wizard stuff to my dad and this is just like the other way round. Anyway, I want to know more about muggle science. Some of what they do is almost like magic. You know they send machines way into space to find what's there?"

I scoffed. "No way."

She was nodding earnestly, but I was distracted by the suddenly approaching roar that was getting louder and louder with every second. My hand clenched tighter around Brittany's and I fell back against the tiled wall when the screaming train finally arrived, far faster than I'd ever seen a normal train move. It was slowing, and stopping, but I was still backed against the wall. This was crazy. That thing was a death trap. Why had I ever suggested taking these trains?

"Santana, come on. It's not far. Only five minutes, I promise."

I locked eyes with Brittany, and my heart dropped when I saw that the excitement that had been in her since we'd arrived had now transformed into concern. I forced myself not to think about what I was doing as I took one stiff step forward, then another, and made my way onto the train. _Brittany. This is all for Brittany_.

The train doors snapped shut on their own and I spun around to stare at them in panic. What if the train stopped working? What if we got trapped in here, underground in some muggle machine, because their doors wouldn't work? Britt was urging my hands to a pole and I hung onto it with one, but kept my other tangled with hers. She smiled at me encouragingly and, recognising more of her worry, I refocused on her face. I just had to distract myself - especially now the train was picking up speed and I was hanging on for dear life.

"Where else do you wanna go?" I whispered. I untangled my hand from hers and quickly moved it onto the pole, but I shifted it up so it was covering her hand.

"The palace - you know, the muggle queen's palace?"

I nodded - I'd read about it in the book - but gestured for her to continue. The train lurched to one side and my grip tightened.

"Oh, the London Eye! I've never been on it! Except… it's quite expensive," she added apologetically. "That's why mum and dad never let us go on."

I forced a smile onto my face. "Don't worry about money, I've got that covered."

According to Quinn, whose father travelled around in muggle London quite a lot and occasionally took her with him during the summer, I had enough muggle money to pay for a week of looking around, not a day.

"And we need to take lots of photos too. Ooh!"

She started fishing the camera out of her pocket and I groaned, resting my head against the cool metal of the pole as the train stopped for barely a minute before setting off again. I could see the flash even behind closed eyelids, and winched one open to see her giggling at the back of the camera.

"Don't show that to anyone," I pleaded, making her laugh again and nudge me with her elbow.

"'Course not. Wouldn't want to ruin your reputation and show everyone you're scared of muggle transport," she teased. "You might get relegated to Hufflepuff."

"Yeah, if Saint Finn would take me," I responded, sighing in relief when Brittany's hand found mine again and pulled me out of the train as the doors slid open. I had to fumble for my ticket again - why did we need it to get _out_ of the station? - but finally we were in another dingy tunnel. Brittany was staring at the map, but I tapped her shoulder and pointed to a sign hanging from the ceiling listing the Science Museum alongside two other museums.

"Look, it's this way."

It was nice walking hand-in-hand with Brittany down the corridor. Surrounded by muggles, I knew there was no one here who'd know us. I didn't have to worry about what other people thought. Well, I was still worrying a bit. I couldn't help glancing around every so often to see if anyone was looking at us. I did notice one woman, tall with blonde hair, frowning in our direction, but my throat turned dry like it did whenever Karofsky started going on about Kurt. She met my eyes and quickly redirected her gaze to the man I assumed was her husband, and Brittany's hand tugging on mine kept me moving along when they turned off into the Natural History Museum. The smile on her face and the way she was holding my hand so tightly, alongside the reminder that today everything was about her, were the only things that kept me holding on.

The tunnel was quite long, but when we finally reached the end of it Brittany practically ran up the steps, pausing only long enough to grab a map before dragging me round the corner into the main hall of the museum. I stopped straight away at the sight that greeted us; the room was full of muggle vehicles; more than I had ever seen before. I didn't even know what some of them were. There was a train to my left that looked sort of similar to the Hogwarts Express, and a few cars like those in our town, but others-

"What is _that_?" I asked as we approached a dome-shaped object surrounded by gold foil.

"I think-" Brittany started, taking a step forward to peer at the sign. "Yeah! It's one of the muggle space ships!"

I looked between her and the gold thing. "…Space ship?" I repeated, one eyebrow raised. I thought she'd been joking earlier.

She laughed, shaking her head and bumping her shoulder against mine.

"How do you not remember that? They built a massive aeroplane in like 1960 and… well, I'm not really sure how it works. But there's a lot of fire at the bottom and they send it up into the sky, much further than the plane we were on. They got to the moon!"

I scoffed, trying to come up with a response about how there was no way muggles could get to the moon when they couldn't even floo - but Brittany was amazing at Muggle Studies _and_ Astronomy. Of course she knew what she was talking about. If she said muggles had got to the moon then they must have, however improbable it might seem.

With Brittany by my side talking the whole time, I was soon astonished at everything the muggles had managed without magic. All the vehicles aside, they had machines made out of ones and zeros that somehow did sums, and so many ways of playing music I lost track. Brittany had an explanation for everything.

"How do you know so much?" I asked as we arrived on the next floor full of glass panes and words floating on a wall. "I thought you didn't know your dad's family that well?"

I remembered punching Brittany's cousin when we were about twelve for calling her stupid just because she hadn't heard of some muggle celebrity. I'd only seen them once since, at her dad's fortieth birthday party last year, but now I wondered if I'd just been kept away from them other times.

"I barely see them, you know that. And dad's not really in the muggle world much now apart from work. I just like it - being able to explain wizard things to my dad and grandma, and muggle things to my nan and grandad. And to you too, I guess," she added with a smile.

I smiled back, and tugged my hand from hers for a moment to pull her into a sideways hug.

"Well you're doing a great job. I'm so getting an O on our test next week." Walking further into the room, I paused when I noticed a large clock on one wall. "Hey Britt, we can stay here if you like - but if you want to do other stuff we should leave soon, it's already lunch," I pointed out.

She sighed, but nodded.

"I wish we had more time here."

"Me too, Britt. Maybe we can come back over Christmas, though? Apparently they put lots of lights up - not fairies like at Hogwarts, but still different colours."

She was nodding again before I'd even finished speaking.

"Yes, that's brilliant! And we can come back here and finish looking around, right?"

"Right," I agreed. "My parents can't even moan, I'll just tell them I'm studying."

"Pinky promise?"

I hooked my little finger with hers and squeezed. "Pinky promise."

* * *

><p>"Brittany, stop!" I laughed, trying to block her camera from seeing my face with the <em>I heart<em>_ London_ umbrella I'd just bought. "I look terrible!"

It was true. My hair was soaking and stuck to my face, my makeup must have completely washed off by now, and the rain was continuing to pour down. Not being able to cast a simple charm to keep us dry was beyond frustrating, but the weather wasn't bothering Brittany in the slightest. She spun away to take another picture of Buckingham Palace, shielding the screen with one hand. I walked forward and held the umbrella higher to cover her as well. She barely noticed, until I stepped closer and wrapped my other arm around her waist. The flash went off once more and then she was turning to hug me back, not caring that my wet hair was now pressed against her face. I didn't care about her hair either, though. Now she was wrapped around me, I didn't even care about the weather except for the fact that holding up the umbrella meant one less arm to hug her with. She made me feel so completely at peace, even in the middle of London in the pouring rain.

My lips brushed her collarbone before I could stop myself, and my happiness shifted to guilt when she pulled away. I couldn't do that yet, I couldn't give into temptation. I'd hurt her, and she had to know that I wasn't going to do that again. I spoke before she could make any vocal protest.

"Come on, let's go somewhere you can dry us off and then find somewhere warmer," I suggested. She relaxed when I linked hands with her again, and as we hurried towards the nearby street of shops and cafes I made sure that she stayed covered up by the umbrella.

* * *

><p>"That was so great, Santana," Brittany enthused for the fifth time as I hustled us down the street. Fortunately the rain had stopped now, but the queue for the London Eye had taken longer than I'd expected and now we were running late. Quinn had got her dad to book the restaurant for half six, but it was already twenty to seven.<p>

"Here we are!" I called in relief, slowing down from a jog to take a deep breath and look across at Brittany. Her cheeks were pink and her hair was a little windblown, but she still looked amazing. I doubted I looked as good, but luckily Quinn had suggested we go for the slightly less posh restaurant just in case we didn't look so great after a full day travelling around London. Nevertheless, I smoothed down my hair and fastened the umbrella properly before pushing open the door and beckoning for Brittany to follow.

"Reservation for Lopez, two people?" I asked the hostess waiting on the other side of the door. Despite my fears that she might shake her head and tell me we were too late, she simply smiled and led us to a table near the back of the restaurant. Quinn certainly hadn't been joking about this place. The old stone walls were covered in paintings, with gentle yellow lighting dropping down from the low ceiling and the beams that decorated it. It was quiet, but not so quiet that I'd feel concerned about people listening in on what we were saying; everyone was just speaking in hushed voices.

"This place is gorgeous, Santana," Brittany whispered in my ear as she followed. Her hand slipped back into mine for a few more steps until we were forced to separate to sit. A single candle was lit in the middle of the table, and I wondered what Quinn had said to her dad to manage that. Nothing too revealing, I hoped. Suddenly I was worrying once more, that deep-seated fear rising from my gut, but again Brittany was my saviour. I noticed her expression as she saw the candle - half wonder, half hope - and my fears dissolved, temporarily at least.

"Can I get you ladies any drinks?" the waiter who had just arrived was asking.

"Just water please," I requested. I wanted to be sober for later; I'd used alcohol as an excuse far too many times in the past. Following my lead, and with a quizzical look sent in my direction, Brittany asked for the same.

"Water?" she asked as the waiter left, opening her menu.

I shrugged. "We're not done yet. And I need to make sure I get you safely home."

"You're worrying too much, Santana," Brittany laughed. "I can get myself home. Normally I'm the one getting _you_ home."

I knew she was teasing, but her words still kind of hurt - mostly because I knew they were true. I'd always looked out for Brittany, but now all I could think of were the times I'd left her to go off with some guy I didn't even care about, or got so drunk she'd had to carry me back to my dorm. Sure, I'd carried her back to Hogwarts a few times too, but not nearly so much as she'd done for me.

"Well, not today," I said firmly. Her teasing grin faded into a more relaxed smile and she nodded once in understanding before turning her attention to the menu. I looked down too, but every so often I would glance back up at her. Her hair, still slightly damp, fell in gentle waves around her face, and her nose was scrunched up a little as she examined the menu. When the waiter returned with our drinks and asked if we were ready to order, I realised I hadn't taken in any of what I'd read. I studied the list of pastas quickly.

"Uh, lasagne please?" I requested, naming the first thing I came across that I recognised.

"Me too. Ooh, and can we get some of that really nice cheese? Parma?"

"Parmesan," I interrupted, noticing the amused expression on the waiter's face. "And hurry it up, will you? It took forever for those drinks to arrive."

"Of course, I apologise. I'll put that order in for you straight away," he said, turning and walking briskly away.

"Suck up," I commented, glaring at his back until he disappeared. Did he really think he was getting a tip now after he'd laughed at Brittany? I turned back to her and smiled. "Okay, so, best part of the day so far?"

"I… ohh, that's hard! The space ships. No, no, the London Eye! We could see so much!"

"Yeah, after we queued for an _hour_."

"But it was so worth it! And we got so many great photos too. I'll have to give the camera to my dad, he can print the pictures at school."

"Will they move?"

"No, of course not! When have you ever seen a muggle picture move?"

I shrugged. "Well I dunno, they might have invented some new way of doing that. It seems like muggles never stop inventing. How can they go to the moon but not have moving pictures?"

Brittany was giggling again. "You don't understand."

I grinned and leaned forward, resting my chin on the arch of my linked fingers and locking eyes with her.

"So help me understand. How can the muggles go to the moon but not make their photos move?"

The rest of the meal passed much faster than I would have liked. I'd have been happy for it to go on forever. Brittany happily described how a war that wasn't really a war had prompted space science, and how there were moving "videos" - like all the films we'd watched on her dad's old TV - that were kind of like photos but couldn't just be printed moving. I couldn't imagine how many books she'd read on the subject to know so much. I knew she liked Muggle Studies, but I hadn't realised quite how much until then. She talked about it for at least an hour, all through our lasagne. It was the best meal I'd had in months, just listening to her talk with no chance of being interrupted by Artie or any other guys. Even the obnoxious waiter, who looked like he was suppressing laughter again when he arrived with our food to hear Brittany explaining the Chilly War, couldn't ruin my mood.

Now, as we were sharing a slice of cheesecake, the weight of the final part of my plan was beginning to settle in. I hadn't been planning to mention it until the meal was over, but now I was torn between wanting to delay it more and wanting it over with.

"The night's not over yet, by the way," I commented as casually as I could, sliding my spoon across the plate to battle hers for some ice cream. My words distracted her enough for me to get a hefty bite.

"Not over? Where else are we going? Isn't everything closed now?"

I shook my head as I swallowed the ice cream, pushing the rest of the scoop over to her side of the plate.

"The pubs aren't. But we're not getting drunk," I added quickly. "Well, I guess you can if you want. But I don't want you to, not tonight. At least, not yet." Maybe she'd want to after I was done.

She leaned forward, ignoring the ice cream for now to squint at my face and try and work out what I was hinting at.

"There's… there's a karaoke bar down the street," I said in a rush, unable to suppress a smile when I saw her face light up.

"Karaoke? We're going to sing?"

I shook my head. "I am."

Her mouth hung open for a moment as she processed what I'd just said.

"But you hate singing."

"Well… you remember the prefects' bathroom, a few weeks ago?"

She nodded, the cheesecake forgotten in front of her. Her eyes didn't move away from my face. It made it harder to continue, but I forced the words from my mouth. This was what today was all about. I couldn't back out now.

"This… this is me explaining. And saying sorry. And… just… I can't work out how to say it on my own. But I know you like me singing, so I figured I could do it like that."

Brittany's hand slid across the table to rest over mine. Even though we'd been holding hands all day, a few goosebumps still rose on my arm at her light touch.

"Let's go."

"…What about the cheesecake?" I asked in alarm. I didn't want to go now! I wasn't recovered from just _telling_ her what I was planning to do. My lips were dry and my heart was beating fast.

"I don't care about the cheesecake. I want to hear you sing."

It was rare to hear her so serious. I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded. Reaching into my bag I found the purse of muggle money. I pulled out a wad of notes and dropped them on the table. It was probably more than enough - apparently the waiter was getting a tip after all - but now this was happening I didn't want to delay any longer, even to get a bill, in case I chickened out. I smiled nervously as we stood and she squeezed my hand, never letting go.

I led her down the street in silence. Quinn didn't know about this part of my plan, but it was the most important of the whole day. When she'd named some nice restaurants, I'd gone away and looked them up, and narrowed the list down to those that had a karaoke bar in walking distance. It had seemed the perfect solution at the time - sing my feelings to Brittany. She liked it when I sang, and I wouldn't have to come up with my own way of saying things.

I'd worked out the song easily enough. It had to be muggle, of course, but I'd heard this at the end of summer from her dad's radio, just after our day at the beach, and it had reminded me of Brittany straight away. Just like that song at the bar in Portugal, the one that had made me freeze up and then given me enough momentary courage to do what I'd been wanting to for months and kiss her.

I pushed the door open to the pub, and was simultaneously relieved and worried when I saw it was almost empty. That meant less people to sing to - and I'd hated singing in front of people ever since I'd choked up singing at Tony's funeral - but it also meant I'd have to go soon. I walked to the back of the pub, easily finding an empty table. I sat down for a few moments' preparation, eyeing the waiting microphone.

"Do you want a drink first?" Brittany whispered, but I shook my head. She had to know that I meant every word of this. I had to prove to her that I could tell her everything sober. That I could be brave, even if it was only for one night.

I rose from my seat, squeezed her fingers one last time then pulled my hand away. I walked over to the microphone, and whispered to the man in charge of music. He grinned cheerfully and nodded, easily finding the song and gesturing me over to the mini stage. The gentle guitar started, and the lyrics appeared on the screen to the side, but I didn't need them. The words were ingrained in my mind.

"We'll do it all, everything, on our own…"

I sang into the microphone so quietly I was surprised that it picked up anything at all, but it did. I was frozen in place, staring at Brittany. She was staring straight back. I sang to her.

"We don't need anything, or anyone…"

My heart was beating in my chest faster than I'd ever felt it before, but I continued to sing, gradually getting louder as I found some courage and clung onto it.

"I don't quite know how to say how I feel. Those three words are said too much, they're not enough."

The look on her face made me want to run over and tell her it was all a joke, I didn't mean any of it. She was going to hate me. I'd ruined any chance of ever getting to love her by annihilating her own hopes eight months ago.

"I need your grace to remind me to find my own."

I had to keep singing. I owed her that much. Even if she'd hate me for it, I'd been a coward for too long. I had to finish what I'd started, I couldn't keep lying to her. I sang louder still.

"All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see."

It was true. I had no idea what else was happening in the pub. I couldn't look away from her. I could see tears glistening on her cheeks. I'd been trying to lay hints all day, but I wasn't sure if she'd picked up on any of them until now. At least if everything went to hell, I'd given her one last day of friendship.

As the song came to a close, I found a tiny smile on her face, and I allowed myself to hope. Maybe I hadn't ruined everything. I summoned what remained of my courage to smile back.

"If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?"

* * *

><p>"Santana, I don't want to go back."<p>

I turned my head to look at her, and found she was already watching me.

"I want this day to last forever. Just you and me."

It was the first thing she'd said since I'd finished singing. We'd left the pub in silence, and even when we'd arrived back at the Hogwarts gates not a word had been said. I'd been waiting for her, and she'd been deep in thought. The only thing keeping me from panicking was the fact that her hand hadn't left mine since she'd grabbed it back at the pub.

"Are you cold?" I murmured. She nodded, and I reached into my bag to find the scarves I'd packed last night. The rain hadn't reached Hogwarts so at least the grass we were sitting on wasn't wet, but the wind did make it a bit chilly, even with the protection of the castle behind us.

"Thanks," she whispered. We both returned our gaze to the lake. The moon was reflected in its surface, and every so often Brittany would tense when a particularly large ripple suggested the presence of the Giant Squid. We were quiet for a few more minutes before she spoke again.

"I lied earlier."

I turned quickly to her. "About what?" Suddenly I was envisioning all sorts of dreadful things she might have lied about, like wanting to hear me sing or being happy about London, or even wanting this day to last forever.

"About my favourite part of today. It wasn't the London Eye." She shifted a little, so she was sitting cross-legged, diagonally across from me. She lifted our conjoined hands with a small smile. "It was getting to hold hands with you all day, and you not being afraid."

"…I was afraid," I admitted after a slight pause.

"But it didn't stop you. And then… then you sang that song."

I knew then that I couldn't let the song do all the talking for me. It said some things well, but not everything I wanted her to know.

"I was scared then, too. More scared than about holding your hand," I whispered. I moved as well so that I was sitting straight across from her, on my knees. "I… I've been thinking about it for months. Ever since the beach."

"You said te amo," she murmured.

My mouth was dry again, but I continued. "I did. I… I said it before I realised it. But… but it was true."

I paused to take a breath, but she didn't speak this time. Her mouth was slightly open and her bright blue eyes were boring into me.

"I was too scared to think about it. For _way_ too long. And I hurt you, and I'm so sorry. You don't know how sorry I am, really."

She still wasn't speaking, and I was starting to get scared again. But then I realised she was just waiting – and she'd been waiting for far too long.

"I love you, Brittany."

Tears dropped from the corners of her eyes and I leaned in, pressing my forehead against hers and wiping them away with my free hand.

"I love you, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Britt, I didn't mean to hurt you. I was a bitch when you tried to talk to me about how you felt and you have every right to push me away, but… please, _please_ don't. I love you, but you're my best friend and I don't know what I'd do without-"

My words were muffled when I felt a pressure on the back of my head, forcing my lips onto hers. She kissed me more powerfully than I'd ever felt her do before, and after a few seconds of processing I leaned in closer of my own volition. The fingers I had hovering on her cheek shifted to tangle in her hair and I clenched our hands even tighter together, resting them against her shoulder. Her face was damp against my palm, but then I realised it was as much from my own tears as from hers. I wanted to wipe all her tears away, but that would involve being too far away from her. Instead of pulling back, I just shifted my lips to her cheekbone, covering the tear tracks with tender kisses. I felt her lips made their own trek across my face, until they hovered just over my ear and she whispered.

"I love you too."

The words forced more tears from my eyes but I didn't care. She loved me. I hadn't ruined everything; _she loved me_. I found her lips again and kissed her until I had no breath remaining. I didn't even try for anything else. Just kissing her, knowing how she felt and having her know what it meant to me was enough.

She was right, it had never been nothing. Even before I'd understood, kissing Brittany was everything.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>This chapter has been in the works in my head for a long time, so I hope I did it justice. I didn't want to just follow the route of Hurt Locker, but Artie is not out of the picture yet. Santana's song was of course Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol.<strong>**

**I have another drawing to go with the story. It fits the last couple of chapters more than this one, but without a specific timeframe: **

**laurasfantasia. tumblr. com  
><strong>**/post/24204832251/bartana-triangle**


	25. Tug o' War

Chapter 25: Tug o' War

_November, Sixth Year_

I wasn't sure what woke me. All I was sure of was that I felt happier than I had in months. It took me a moment to figure out why. Then I felt her warm body next to mine, her arm hung loosely over my waist, and I remembered everything that had happened the day before. I turned my head to look at her. Her hair was a little messy from the rain yesterday, but it framed the side of her face perfectly in golden, slightly unruly waves. She was lying on her stomach, still dressed in the same clothes she'd gone out in yesterday and she looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake her.

After a quick glance to make sure my curtains were pulled tightly shut, I leaned in anyway. I grazed my lips against the corner of her mouth and just held there for a few seconds. It brought back memories of every kiss we had shared last night. I couldn't keep still for long though, and shifted to kiss her properly.

"Mm…"

I grinned against her lips as I heard her mumble, pressing a little more solidly and shifting so I was half hovering over her.

"Mhm!"

My eyes snapped open at the protest and I pulled back to find her staring up at me, her chest heaving. Her blue eyes were wide and my instincts were screaming at me to either kiss her again or run away. Instead, I stayed where I was. It was worth it for the smile I saw on her face a few seconds later when her breathing calmed. She pushed herself up with one hand and used the other to pull on the back of my head, crashing our lips together again.

"I thought-" she gasped, before leaning in again to kiss me more. "I thought – it was a – a dream," she breathed into my mouth between kisses. She rolled over properly, wrapping both arms around my shoulders and pulling me down so I fell against her. I moved my own hands to cushion her face, not quite able to believe this was happening. The feeling was obviously mutual - every so often Brittany would pull out of the kiss just to stare at me for a few seconds before diving back in.

A loud clunk ended my bliss and I pulled back immediately, twisting my head to try and locate the disturbance, as if I could see through the thick green curtains. I heard the shuffling of feet on the opposite side of the room and a few hushed words I couldn't make out. Brittany tugged at my neck, trying to draw me back, but I shook my head at her. Didn't she realise there were other people in the room? What if they'd heard?

There was more shuffling, then the clear sound of the dorm door clicking shut. I grinned and leaned back in to kiss Brittany, but she rolled away to sit on the edge of my bed, pulling her hair up into a ponytail.

"I'm starving," she commented.

"Should've finished that cheesecake," I replied, leaning in to kiss the back of her neck as it was revealed. I was about to wrap my arms around her when she stood, pushing the curtain open to a fortunately empty room.

"Come on, let's go get breakfast," she suggested, finally turning to present me with a wide smile.

I nodded in agreement - I needed to thank Quinn anyway - and scrambled up off the bed. I pulled my top off unabashedly, smirking when she paused in fixing her hair to gaze at me. I walked slowly over to my chest of drawers, enjoying the attention and slowly searching for another shirt.

"Mind if I borrow one?"

I turned my head in surprise to my left, having not heard Brittany approach, but couldn't say anything when I realised she was in a similar state of undress. I nodded mutely, my mind filling in the blanks of everything covered up as my eyes remained fixed on her. I could see her smirking, and I knew she was brushing her hip against mine on purpose. She reached over and plucked the shirt I had been planning to wear from below my hovering hand, moving her lips to my ear as she pulled back.

"Thanks, sweetie," she husked, her lips brushing the top of my ear. My breath caught in my throat and I was left to stare blindly at the open drawer when she moved away. After a few seconds I managed to pick one out and pull it over my head, taking a deep breath as I did so to try and get my head back in order. When I turned back to Brittany with a smile, she was sitting with an innocent expression on my bed. The top didn't quite reach her jeans, leaving a small strip of skin for me to see.

"Ready to go?" she chirped.

I took a breath and nodded, waiting for her to walk over before heading to the door. My hand knocked against hers and we both paused, but then I stepped forward to hold open the door for her and she just smiled. It was okay. She understood.

I still felt bad though. After she'd said how much it meant to her to hold my hand yesterday, I was denying her that today. She knew why, but I still felt guilty. As we left the Slytherin common room, I reached out with my little finger and caught hers. She looked over and smiled. It would have to do for now. It would have to do until I could be braver.

"Leave me alone!"

I stopped when I heard the high-pitched tone, recognising it immediately. I also recognised the gruffer voice, accompanied by a thud.

"Why don't you leave _me_ alone, huh? Why do I always see you following me about? People are gonna start thinking I've been _infected_," the voice snarled.

I pulled away from Brittany, drawing my wand as I rounded the corner to find Kurt cowering a few metres from Karofsky, his normally pale face flushed and his feet skating across the floor as he struggled to stand.

"I'm _not_ following you!" Kurt squeaked, wincing in anticipation as Karofsky raised his wand.

"_Hey!_"

Karofsky spun, surprise appearing on his face when he saw me. I was surprised too. I'd never stood up for Kurt before. I'd always been too scared of the insinuations that might follow.

"Back off," I ordered, a little quieter but still firmly.

Karofsky's expression turned to one of incredulity.

"Seriously? You're standing up for the-"

"I'm warning you, Karofsky!" I shouted, taking a step forward and raising my own wand. His eyes flashed to it. No doubt he remembered what I'd done to Azimio just a few weeks ago. I knew I couldn't afford to kick him off the team as well – but he didn't know that.

"Alright, alright, I'm going. You!" he added, rounding on Kurt who pressed himself back against the wall. "Stay out of my way! You won't always have _girls_ about to look after you."

I waited until he was walking away to turn properly to Kurt, but Brittany hurried past me before I could reach him.

"Are you okay, Kurt? Did he hurt you?" she asked, kneeling and looking him up and down, her gaze pausing on his still-shaking feet.

I flicked my wand, ending the jelly-legs jinx, then offered a hand and pulled him to his feet. He hung on for a few moments longer than I was expecting, propping himself up against the wall as well as he took several deep breaths.

"I swear I wasn't following him," he gasped. "I just had to get potions supplies!"

I snorted. "I should hope not. Who'd want to follow Karofsky about? Just keep out of his way, yeah?"

Kurt looked as though he was about to say something else, but then he closed his mouth and just nodded. It was always interesting talking to him. It was like I never worried about saying something wrong, it made it so much easier to make conversation. I guess because he was so low on the Hogwarts food chain that no one would listen if he tried to spread rumours about me. Plus, he didn't seem the type to do that anyway.

"Coming to breakfast?" I asked.

He shook his head. "N-no, the owlery. My… my friend, the one at St. Mungo's. You remember?"

I smirked and nodded. "Pretty Boy Blaine, right?"

Kurt blinked at the description, his face starting to redden again. "Uh… well, yeah. Him. He promised to send the forms for going to the hospital again this summer."

"Oh no, is your friend sick?" Brittany asked in alarm. She glanced at me, and I knew she was thinking of the last time she'd been in St. Mungo's. I forced my eyes back to Kurt.

He turned to her and smiled, shaking his head. "No, don't worry, he works there, and he's going to help me work there too." My estimation of Kurt went up. He hadn't over-explained or given her a withering look like so many people did. It was ridiculous how many people thought Brittany was stupid just because she sometimes misunderstood - or because they misunderstood _her_. That was more often the case. "But I should go, I don't want to hold you up. And…" He hesitated, glancing down the hallway in the direction that Karofsky had gone. "Uh, thanks. You didn't have to… um… yeah, thanks," he muttered again, already backing away. I tried to hold in my smirk this time at his nervousness. He was thanking me, after all.

"Bye Kurt!" Brittany called after him. I raised my hand in a short wave then started towards the stairs, my little finger linked with Brittany's once again.

"That was nice, Santana," she murmured. I shrugged, and she knocked my shoulder. "It _was_! You showed him he doesn't have to be scared all the time. He can just be him."

I shrugged again, not liking how close those words hit home. I was sure she'd said it like that on purpose as well, but before I could ponder it too much I was frozen by her lips on my cheek.

"Thank you," she whispered. I tried to work out what exactly she was thanking me for, but then an all-too-familiar voice called from the top of the stairs.

"Brittany, hi!"

I watched as a flash of panic crossed her face, and my heart plummeted. That was stupid. I shouldn't have forgotten about him. But it looked like I wasn't the only one.

She turned towards the direction of the voice with a smile on her face. "Artie!"

I wondered if he could tell that her excitement was fake.

He jogged down the steps and pecked her on the lips, and just that small action made me want to hex him into the wall. Didn't he understand that she'd never actually wanted to be with him? That she'd just gone to him because I'd been stupid enough to hurt her?

"Where were you yesterday? I looked for you everywhere!"

"Oh, sorry. I was with Santana. She took me to London."

"Oh cool, like a late birthday present?" he asked, glancing at me as he took her hand and started back up the steps. That should be me. And did he have to point out it was late? It was only late because he'd got to her with his plans first. _Bastard._

"I guess. It was amazing, though. We went on the London Eye, and to the Science Museum and Buckingham Palace! And after we went to dinner in this really great restaurant, it was so nice!"

So there, Romeo. Did he really think he could match that with his stupid dinner?

"Not as nice as my dinner though, right?" he asked with a grin, nudging her shoulder.

Apparently he did.

"Oh, yeah, your pasta was delicious," Brittany agreed. She still had that fake chirp to her voice, and she met my eyes for a moment before quickly looking away.

We entered the Great Hall together - well, with Brittany and Artie hand-in-hand and me trailing a few steps behind. I paused, noticing Quinn to one side, and tapped Brittany on the shoulder.

"I'll come join you in a minute, okay? I have to ask Quinn something."

She nodded and I backed away, smirking when looked at me instead of where she was walking and stepped on the back of Artie's ankle as a result.

I dropped down on the bench Quinn was sitting on, and she gave me this look that made me want to jump up again and hurry back over to Brittany. Her eyes flicked between me and the Hufflepuff table, and I did my best to maintain a mask of indifference, even managing a wink down the table at Chloe, who grinned cheerfully back.

"Well…?" Quinn asked with a smirk, shuffling closer. I looked around. There was no one near enough to hear. I shrugged anyway, and kept my voice low as I replied.

"Can't you see her over there eating breakfast with him?"

I didn't know where to look. At Quinn, to gauge her reaction to what was in essence the closest I'd ever got to admitting my feelings for Brittany? Around me, to make sure no one had heard? Over at Brittany, sitting next to Artie and probably laughing at his jokes like she always did? I settled for staring at the table.

"Can't you see her staring at you?"

I shifted my head a little to the left and found she was right - Artie was talking, but Brittany's attention was firmly away from him and instead settled on me. Our eyes met and she smiled, even as she nodded at what Artie was saying. I bit my lip to stop myself grinning outright when he stared at her in confusion, but then she had to turn back to him when he tapped her on the shoulder.

I fought to keep a calm expression when I realised Quinn was still smirking at me, and managed to roll my eyes in response.

"She's still playing happy families with him."

"But you made progress."

I glanced back over at the Hufflepuff table and saw her sneaking more glances at me.

"Yeah… I guess," I replied, not confident enough to let my hopes get too high. "Thanks, Quinn," I added in a firmer tone, giving her a small smile. Even though I couldn't admit everything out loud yet, she understood.

* * *

><p>"Brittany, did you hear me?"<p>

I dragged my eyes away from Santana and back to Artie, who was looking at me with a frown. I struggled to remember what he'd said. Something about cats…

"Lord Tubbington's been spying on the Gryffindors," I blurted out.

Artie stared at me, blinking a few times before he replied.

"…So you haven't seen Rory's cat?"

"Oh no, did he go hunting and not come back?" I asked in alarm.

Artie let out a huff. "Brittany, this is serious! Rory's really worried, he hasn't seen it at all in the past week!"

"Her," I corrected automatically as I tried to think of the last time I'd seen Róisín, staring down at my toast.

"Brittany!"

I looked up at him with wide eyes and was surprised to see him glaring at me. I'd never seen him look at me like that before. I didn't like it at all.

"I thought you'd understand, after what happened with your old cat. But never mind. If you see him, tell me," Artie snapped, turning back to his plate to spear a sausage.

"I… I was just thinking," I murmured. I didn't want him thinking I didn't care about Róisín. I did. She was a lovely cat, and she got on so well with Lord Tubbington. They'd sit together for hours in the common room.

Artie didn't reply, and I felt something solid settle into my gut.

Santana arrived at just the right time, sliding a hand across my shoulders as she slid in next to me, much closer than Artie was sitting. I turned to beam at her, my anxiety about Artie fading. Yes, I still had to work out what to do about him - he hadn't been on my mind _at all_ last night. But looking at Santana, my worry was overtaken by just being happy as she smiled back. She _loved_ me. I hadn't been making it up all in my head - the lingering touches and gazes, the 'te amo'. She actually, properly loved me. I just… I wished she hadn't pulled away earlier in the dorm, when she'd heard the others. I didn't want to complain though. I wanted to make sure she knew just how happy she'd made me. I slipped my hand away from my toast and under the table, tangling my fingers with hers. She momentarily froze, then I felt her fingers tighten around mine. I took a bite of toast and grinned at her as best I could while chewing. I only realised Artie was speaking again when I noticed her roll her eyes.

I turned to find Artie looking annoyed again, but I was more surprised to see Puck hovering behind him.

"Noah wants to know if you're coming to the party tonight," Artie explained after a moment's pause, when he realised I hadn't been listening again.

"Maybe we've got better things to do," Santana said, settling her chin onto my shoulder. I could feel her free hand resting lightly on my leg.

"Yeah, we're studying tonight, right Britt?" Artie interrupted. This time I thought it was him rolling his eyes at _Santana_. That was strange. Although, they'd never really liked each other, and they'd stopped even pretending to since I got hurt in that quidditch match. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want either of them hurt, especially by me.

"I don't want to study tonight. We should all go to the party together - you and me and Santana," I said. It was the best I could come up with. Judging by the look Artie was giving me - and the way Santana's chin had suddenly separated from my shoulder - they didn't agree.

"Great, Britt! Ten pm, normal place," Puck replied before either of them could object. He left straight away with a departing wink aimed at me, like it was some great plan we'd concocted. I didn't understand Puck sometimes. I didn't really dislike him that much anymore, now he'd stopped sleeping with Santana and started to grow up a bit, but he acted so strange sometimes.

"Well, I guess it's party time tonight. I'll see you later, Britt," Artie said, pulling his legs over the side of the bench. He pecked me once on the cheek, and left without another word. I tightened my hold on Santana's hand, and was relieved when I turned to look at her that she didn't look too mad - just slightly irritated. She didn't say anything though. I guessed she was too worried about what the response might be. I didn't even know what I might say about Artie. I still didn't know what to do, but at least I'd bought a little time.

"What are you going to wear tonight?" I asked, wanting to lighten the mood a little.

"Maybe that green dress I got for my birthday?" Santana mused, happy to drop the previous, unspoken conversation.

"But you always wear green. You should wear something different. Like red."

"I don't want to look like a Gryffindor," Santana retorted - but the way her lips were turned up at the corners let me know she was still listening. I leaned in closer, and lowered my voice so no one else would hear.

"But you look so hot in that red dress you got in Carlisle."

It's so hard not to laugh aloud when she freezes like that. It's like I can see her brain trying to work and come up with a response, but it's stopped working. Not that I wanted her brain to stop working, of course. I just liked being able to make her a bit flustered. It reassured me she wasn't making any of it up yesterday.

"Okay, I'll wear that," she muttered quietly as she began to recover. I smiled widely, then even wider when I felt her hand return to my leg under the table. If only I could work out what to do about Artie, tonight was going to be awesome. And in the meantime, I just had to keep showing Santana how happy she'd made me last night.

* * *

><p>"San- Mm, Santana," I mumbled against her lips. My brain was telling me to do one thing, but my body had other ideas. I tried to order my hand to stop scrabbling with the back of Santana's bra and pull away, but only succeeded in making it shift around to paw at the front of her dress. Her mouth shifted to my neck and I managed to make the words I wanted to say come out. "We need to goooo, S'ntana…"<p>

"No we don't," Santana hissed in reply, biting down on my neck. I let out a sigh, then grabbed onto my resolve again and shook my head. Then I wasn't sure if I should be agreeing or disagreeing, so I nodded as well.

"But, but I promised. I told Puck, and I said- I said we were going," I told her. She should already know this though. Her lips moved to the underside of my jaw and my nails dug into her skin, pulling her closer to me. "We said, we said we'd-"

"No, _you_ said. And I don't wanna go to some stupid party. I want to drink some pepper-up potion in here with _you_," Santana whispered, her lips trailing across my jaw as she spoke. I shivered, and her fingers squeezed my waist. This was so hard. I didn't remember it ever being this hard before. Maybe that was because six months without Santana like this was _way_ longer than I could deal with.

"But I promised Puck! And… and he's waiting," I added, closing my eyes so I wouldn't have to see her disappointed.

"I don't give a flying fuck if Puck's waiting, he's not interrupting this," Santana growled. My eyes flashed open, and catching sight of myself in the mirror I realised that only one of my arms was actually in my t-shirt, and that Santana's hands had moved to struggle with the button of my jeans. She was struggling a lot. It wasn't that hard to undo a button. I should help her.

But no. I couldn't. It was party time.

"Not Puck," I whispered, continuing to stare in the mirror and trying not to get too distracted by how Santana's dress had ridden up her legs. I must have pulled it up. Everything that had happened in the past half-hour felt a bit hazy. "Puck's not waiting. He… _he's_ waiting," I mumbled. I didn't want to say it. Was she going to make me say it?

No. She stopped fiddling with my jeans and stumbled back a few steps until she hit the bathroom counter.

"Alright, he's waiting," she muttered, spinning on the spot to stare in the mirror, shuffling her dress down. It took me a few attempts to put my arm back into my sleeve, but finally I did and could turn to stare at Santana as she redid her makeup. I should probably try and be refrained… no, restrained?… but I didn't want to do that.

"I told you that dress'd be hot," I said, grinning as I looked her up and down and my eyes got stuck on her boobs. "And you match my shoes!" I pointed out in excitement when I realised, finally succeeding in looking away as I lifted one leg up to showcase my red boots that matched the colour of her dress perfectly. How had I never noticed that before? I almost toppled over, but Santana reached out just in time to grab the hem of my t-shirt and steady me. Her hand shifted down to run over the bare expanse of stomach that my top left uncovered, nails scratching lightly, but then she pulled back to carry on doing her makeup. I figured I should do the same, and soon all the smeared lipstick - and the new marks on my neck - had disappeared under a layer of makeup and charms. I didn't put too much on, though. My hands were a bit unsteady and I didn't want mascara warpaint. I kept having to stop myself from skipping over to Santana and going back to trying to pull her dress off. She had to know I was happy. I just didn't want to hurt Artie.

"You're not his."

I whipped my head around to stare at her. She was looking straight at me.

"He thinks you are, but you're not. Okay?"

I didn't know if I should smile or cry. She wanted me to be hers, but… he was still there. He was still waiting outside the common room for us to appear, even though he didn't really want to go. I couldn't hurt him, he'd been so good to me. But I couldn't hurt Santana either by saying that at the moment, I technically was his. I nodded stiffly, and she stepped in to give me one last, soft kiss, before pulling me by the hand out of the bathroom and dorm and down the stairs. I felt disappointed when her hand pulled away at the bottom of the stairs, but I knew I couldn't turn up for Artie holding hands with Santana.

He was leaning against the wall, looking very dressed-up in a white v-neck jumper and blue tie… but he didn't look very happy.

"I thought you said we were meeting at half ten?" he asked with a frown. His expression faded a bit when his eyes turned down and caught sight of my exposed stomach, but before I could reply Santana was stepping forward to glare at him.

"Look, Four-Eyes. Look at me," she snapped, and his eyes quickly shifted from me to her. "I don't know what you think you've been invited to, but it's a party, not a business meeting. You don't wear ties, and you don't turn up on time. Also, it's still Britt's birthday weekend so you've gotta be nice to her. Got it?"

"I _am_ nice to her."

He stepped forward and wrapped an arm purposefully around me, pulling me forward and away from Santana. She looked like she was about to snap, so I reached out to grasp her hand quickly, squeezing once then using it to tug her forward and walk on my other side. I didn't like it being like this. It felt as if they were both pulling on a part of me like tug o' war. I wanted them both happy. That was all I really wanted. So we'd just have to talk about something happy.

"I got full marks in my last Muggle Studies test," I told them with a smile, making sure to look at both of them for equal amount of times. It made me a bit dizzy, looking back and forth so much.

"That's great, Brittany! Must have been all that studying we did," Artie said, leaning in to kiss me on the cheek.

"Like she needs your help studying to get top marks," Santana retorted. I could feel her fingers sliding a little below the hem of my jeans by my hip, and I wondered if Artie realised. We made it outside in silence, and when I slipped on some mud Artie's arm tightened a second before Santana's arm joined his in wrapping around me.

"I got her, you don't need to hold her up as well."

"Well obviously you _don't_ have her or she wouldn't have slipped, would she? Concentrate on moving your own legs."

I wished she wouldn't say stuff like that. I felt bad that Artie couldn't walk as well as everyone else, even though he said it was so much better now he wasn't in a wheelchair, like he had been before Hogwarts. It was why I'd worked so hard to persuade Professor Schuester to let him on the quidditch team.

The wind was helping me think more clearly, getting rid of some of the effects of the drinks we'd had earlier, but now I was getting even more confused trying to work out what to do about them. I couldn't carry on like this for long. They couldn't even walk to a party together without arguing about me. And Santana had worked so hard to tell me how she felt, when I'd been waiting for it for so long. But Artie had always been nice, he'd never hurt me, and he loved me. They both loved me. I couldn't see what I could do without hurting one of them.

Both of them kept their arms around me as we made our way across the lawn, only pulling back when we had to get into the tunnel. I could hear scuffling behind me, but a few seconds later Santana appeared with a wide smile that I had to return. She stepped in and I thought she was going to start kissing me again, but then Artie was there as well and we had to carry on. I was starting to think that this party was a bad idea.

As usual the music echoed down the tunnel and my footsteps began to move in time with the beat as I bounced a little. Santana moved in pace with me, but it was a bit hard for Artie to keep up because the beat was fast. I settled for taking a step every two beats instead, and even though Santana rolled her eyes she slowed as well.

The moment we got into the Shrieking Shack, though, all I wanted to do was dance. The music was so loud and it was such good music – but Artie couldn't dance. Instead, I led the three of us through to the room that always served as storage for drinks and easily snagged a half-full bottle of something. I poured it out into three glasses, only spilling a little over the table, and passed them out with a smile each for Santana and Artie. They were both sticking close to me - even when Puck yelled across the room at Santana to join him, and Finn called Artie over to where he and Rory were talking, neither of them moved. It was kind of uncomfortable, really. I finished my drink quickly and poured another, my foot tapping the whole time.

"Hey Britt, you wanna dance?" Santana asked, setting her glass down on the table and shifting to stand in front of me, a hand held out. I hesitated, glancing between her and Artie. She sighed. "Really, Abrams, you're going to stop your girlfriend having fun just because you can't join in?" she demanded.

He rolled his eyes at her before turning to me with a tight smile.

"Go on. I'll wait here."

Santana was pulling me away before he'd even finished speaking, and after calling thanks I ran after her, almost tripping us both up when I stepped on the back of her shoe. The room the music was pounding from was crowded, but she pulled us through the throng of people easily until we were in the middle. People were pressing in on us from all sides, and it took her no time at all to spin around and press herself against my front, grinding backwards. I held in a gasp - I guessed she was drunker than I'd thought, or she just figured no one would notice us in this crowd, because she never normally did this - and rolled my body in response, snaking a hand forward to grasp her hip and pull her closer into me. She was saying something, but I couldn't hear what. I just closed my eyes, and danced in time with the music and Santana's body.

It was so hot in the room, surrounded by all those people. It was hard to breathe. All I could feel was Santana. Santana's body, rolling with mine. We were moving so in sync it was like we were just one person dancing. Maybe she wasn't as scared as I thought about what people would think. Maybe we could be just like I was with Artie at the moment. We wouldn't have to hide like we always had before.

I moved dry lips to her face, finding her ear. "You're so beautiful," I whispered, following it up with the tiniest kiss to her cheekbone. Her body jerked out of time from the music for a moment before grinding back with more force than before, making me have to bite my tongue to stop myself from making any noise. The room was getting really hot again.

"I'm really thirsty," I muttered.

"Really?"

"Really."

I knew why she didn't want to go get another drink. It was because Artie was there, and- Artie! I'd left him waiting for ages!

"Come on, Santana," I said loudly above the music, grabbing her hand and pulling her after me towards the drinks room. I got that heavy feeling in my stomach again as we approached and I saw Artie's expression. He wasn't happy. I wondered how long we'd been gone. But when he noticed us and marched over, he wasn't looking at me. He was glaring at Santana.

"Santana, get this into your head, she's _my _girlfriend! Just 'cause you're jealous she's spending time with me instead of you, doesn't mean you can keep her away from me!"

My mouth was open in shock, but Santana was already pushing past me to meet him eye-to-eye.

"Brittany can spend time with whoever she wants. You're accusing _me_ of being jealous when you can't even deal with being on your own at a party for half an hour?" she spat.

"Well it's not like she gets to make her own decisions with you always making them for her! You've gotta back off!"

"No! _You_ back off!"

"You're so-"

"Artie, come on, calm down," I said, stepping between them. I didn't like this at all. This was way worse than earlier. They needed to stop yelling. Artie's words were slurring a bit in a way I'd never heard him before – had he been drinking all this time?

"Why should I? Why're you defending her? You never see anything bad she does, she put you in the freaking _Hospital Wing_ and you still act like she can do no wrong!"

My voice got stuck in my throat. He'd never yelled at me before.

"Don't talk to her like that," Santana snapped, but in a much lower voice than before. She was pressing against my arm, but I wouldn't let her closer to him.

"Look, Britt, can't you see how controlling she is?" Artie said. He was quieter too, but still insistent. I realised the noise all around us had died down - people were watching us.

"She's not," I responded automatically. "She's nice. You don't know how nice she is." He didn't. He didn't know what she'd done for me yesterday. He didn't understand her. He didn't understand what had happened with Tony, or what her parents were like.

"Ugh, just because she can put on an act around you doesn't mean she's _nice_. She's a bitch, and she's always manipulating you, so don't be so stu-"

The fist flying into his face stopped him saying anything else. I couldn't move. He was falling backwards and landed with a thump on the floor, one hand already moving up to where he'd been hit.

"_Leave her alone!_" Santana shouted, towering over him. She was to my left now. I didn't know how she'd got there, but she looked like she was going to hit him again. I reached out to grab her arm, tugging on it to try and pull her away. She glanced at me, then back at him.

"Please, Santana," I muttered. Everyone was watching, and I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to get away. "_Please_."

The second time I tugged she did move, following me to the exit and through, letting the music fade behind us. I didn't speak, I just kept walking down the tunnel. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what I was supposed to say.

"Britt…"

She stopped, and feeling the pull on my hand I stopped as well. I turned slowly to face her. She was biting her lip, uncertain.

"I'm… I'm sorry, Britt, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hit him, I know you didn't want him hurt. But he was acting like you were-" _Stupid._ "Like you couldn't think for yourself. And it made me so mad, and I just lost it. I really am sor-"

I took one step closer and kissed her. I didn't want to think about it anymore. I didn't want to try and work out what to do. I just wanted to kiss her, and show her how proud of her I was for being brave. She mumbled something against my lips but I pressed in more, cupping her face with my hands and easily stopping her attempt to speak, until she was kissing me back just as hard. All the tension from dancing with her earlier, and kissing her in the bathroom, came spinning back to the forefront of my mind. I pulled back reluctantly, resting my forehead against hers and looking straight into her eyes. My breathing was even heavier than when we'd been dancing.

"I love you." I was still so close that my lips brushed against hers as I spoke. "I love you, and I want to show you. In our room."

She was breathing straight into my mouth, and it was making it hard not to kiss her again. She nodded, and I grinned, unable to resist leaning in for one last kiss before grabbing her hand again and walking backwards, pulling her further down the tunnel. Something moved behind her, catching my attention, and the smile slid off my face when I realised Artie was standing there, staring at us. Santana's head started to move in the direction I was looking, so I spun quickly, making her laugh as she hurried to catch up. I glanced back, and he was gone.


	26. Rewind

**Chapter 26: Rewind**

_November, Sixth Year_

Waking up to Santana's kisses the second morning in a row was so far beyond amazing. She wasn't kissing me hard; just slow, gentle kisses on my shoulder, occasionally shifting up to my cheek. I kept my breathing steady and eyes closed, wanting to prolong this for as long as possible, but she must have realised I was awake because her kisses changed. Her lips moved to my neck, tongue darting out every so often with her hand cradling the other side of my face. I sighed audibly, this time not trying to prevent the smile from coming to my lips. I cracked an eye open when her kisses stopped, but smiled wider when I found her face hovering over mine. I lifted my head, ignoring the slight pounding it prompted, and kept my eyes open as I kissed her softly in return before dropping back down to the pillow to stare up at her.

She didn't know how beautiful she was. Yeah, she knew she was hot, but not _beautiful_. Her skin was so soft, and hair so dark. I could feel the individual strands brushing against my shoulders. And her eyes… I could never be happy about looking away from her eyes. I lifted my arms from the sheets and wrapped them around Santana, my hands sliding over the smooth expanse of her back and gently pulling her down to lie against me. She sighed, nestling her face against mine as her fingers ran through my hair and our legs tangled together.

I closed my eyes again. I had so many happy memories from the last few days. Hearing her say so many wonderful things to me in song. Kissing her in the Hogwarts grounds after she'd said she loved me. Waking up yesterday morning and realising it wasn't a dream. Everything that had happened after stepping through the door to our room last night. Falling asleep with her in my arms. And now, just lying here together, not having to think about anyone or anything else. My stomach was a little queasy and my head was aching a bit, but that didn't matter. I got to lie here with Santana and fall asleep with her again…

_BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEE-_

I gasped, blinking and disoriented as I struggled to sit up and find the source of the noise that had now stopped. Something was on my legs, stopping me from moving properly. I blinked again and realised it was just Santana, looking equally dazed but with her wand pointing straight into the air. My breathing began to slow as I realised it was only the alarm spell we had set up in the Room of Requirement last year, after sleeping in and missing classes too many times. It had just been a long time since I'd woken up to it.

"I really don't like that sound," I muttered, lifting a hand to rub at my eyes. Had I fallen asleep again? I must have. Santana nodded, slumping back down horizontally across my legs, her eyes squeezed shut. "You have Transfiguration… Professor Corcoran will give you detention if you miss it again."

"I know," Santana sighed, still not moving. A shiver ran through me and I reached forward to tug the duvet from under her and pull it up to my chin, grinning when I realised I now had a much clearer view of all of her. She twisted her head to frown at me, then smirked when she realised I was staring. She rolled, twisting as she did so that she was the right way round on the bed again, with her side pressed against mine and only the duvet keeping us apart. It made me want to push it aside and never mind the cold, but then the alarm started going off again and Santana had to scrabble for her wand to switch it off.

"I _hate_ that spell," she groaned, curling up into a ball at the end of the bed with her knees tucked against her chest. I shifted, pulling the covers with me as I curled to the end of the bed and wrapped them around her with my arms and legs on either side of her.

"Me too," I agreed, slotting my chin in the space between her shoulder and neck. "But you still need to go to your lesson. And we need to change into uniforms. Professor Beiste got upset last time I turned up in party clothes. She said it wasn't apparating clothes for healing augureys."

"Appropriate?"

"Yeah."

Santana sighed with a nod, still not moving. She managed to stop the alarm on the first beep when it started going off again.

"Where _are _our clothes?" she asked after a few more moments of silence. I twisted my head to peer around the room.

"Uh… there's your dress." I pointed to where I had noticed the red material on the other side of the bed. "Oh, and there's my t-shirt by the door." I looked around some more. Where had the rest of them gone?

Santana flourished her wand again. "Accio clothes." A moment later we were being bombarded with various items of clothing. I just managed to dodge one of my boots that flew over my head, in time to see my jeans slide out from behind the bookcase and get tugged over to the bed by the spell. How had they managed to get there?

I disentangled myself from Santana as she sorted through the clothes to rescue my boot from the other end of the bed. As I dressed, I started to recall some of the less pleasant memories from the night before; specifically, Artie and Santana butting heads until she'd punched him. And of course the moment I'd seen him watching us. I didn't like lying to Santana, but I just knew that telling her he'd seen us would be a terrible idea. She'd probably accuse him of perving on us then punch him again.

Maybe it was better this way, though. Artie was hurt, and I'd never wanted that. But now I didn't have to choose between them.

"Okay, wait here five minutes before following?" Santana said from where she was standing by the door. I looked up from the duvet, knocked out of my thoughts.

"…What?"

"Are you going to wait, or do you want me to? Only it makes more sense for me to go first since the Slytherin dorm is further away."

I stared at her as I processed her words, some of the happiness seeping out of me. I should have been expecting this. It was what we'd always done before, left separately. She said it was so no one would get the wrong idea. But… it wasn't the wrong idea, now. It was the perfectly right idea.

"Brittany?"

I nodded. "Go." I meant to speak confidently and with a smile, but it came out on more of a whisper. She hesitated, but her hand was already on the doorknob and we both knew we'd slept in too long. "Go," I said again, a little louder. "I'll see you at breakfast."

A few seconds later she was gone, and all my earlier happy emotions were deflating. It was the same. It was the same as before - well, no. That wasn't quite true. Now I _knew_ she loved me, rather than just having delusional fantasies about it. But I'd thought that if she loved me, she'd want to be with me properly. Like I'd been with Artie. I hadn't thought she'd want to carry on hiding us. I didn't understand why she would. I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible, not sneak around. But here she was again, leaving earlier so no one would get suspicious if they saw us leaving together.

When the alarm started going off for what must have been the sixth or seventh time I realised I'd been sitting there for too long, lost in my own head. It would carry on beeping every few minutes until we were both out of the room, so I quickly got up and hurried over to the door. I walked barefoot through the corridors, surprised at how many people were out and about already. Was it really so late? A few of them were looking at me strangely so I smiled back, and waved hello to Mike and Matt when I saw them. I was glad that Mike was talking to me again. I hadn't ever wanted to hurt him, either.

The Great Hall was already bustling when I passed it, and there weren't too many people to stare at my outfit when I reached the Hufflepuff common room. Sugar was just getting up from a sofa though, and bounced forward when she saw me to poke at my exposed stomach.

"Who's the lucky guy?" she asked immediately, poking again. I looked down and found several very obvious marks running down to my right hip, and slapped a hand against them. "There as well! Wow, Brittany, who was it?" she asked again, peering at my neck. I really had to talk to Santana about that, especially if she wanted us to stay secret. No wonder people had been staring. I tried to think quickly to stop her asking any more questions.

"A gryffindor."

"Ooh, who? Sam? Tyler? I can't believe you got over Artie that quick!"

I shook my head quickly, drawing a zip over my lips and backing away, knocking into a chair as I did so. I didn't want to talk about Artie. Obviously everyone knew about our argument. But then they should also know I left the party early, so why did she think I'd been with a guy? Sugar was shaking her head and turning back to her seat, so I turned so I wouldn't walk into anything else. I hurried down the corridor to my dorm, pushing open the door to find it completely empty - except for the one person I wasn't expecting.

Artie was slumped on the floor next to my bed, looking half-asleep with a handful of flowers resting over his knees. I tried to walk around him quietly, but with my first step his eyes flashed open and froze me in place. He stared for a moment before struggling to climb to his feet. I walked closer and held out a hand to help him without properly thinking about it.

"Thanks," he muttered once he was standing. One of his eyes was swollen and purple, but the other had bags under it as well as if he hadn't slept all night. He was still in the same clothes he'd worn last night, although now the white material of his jumper was stained and his tie was hanging loose. "Brittany…"

I took a step back, thinking it might be easier if I wasn't so close to him.

"I love you."

I clenched my eyes closed. Just being further away wasn't enough.

"_Please_ look at me. I… I got these for you." I peered through my eyelids to see him holding out the flowers. They were the yellow flowers like giant daisies that I loved so much, although they looked a bit wilted. I opened my eyes properly, but didn't reach out to take them. I didn't know what to do. "They're to say sorry," he explained, holding them out again. I folded my arms against myself, still unsure. Should I take them? Should I talk to him? Should I walk away? Eventually he gave up on that and just put them on my bed and turned back to me. "I picked them last night, when I was looking for you. I found Róisín, though! She had kittens in the greenhouse!"

It was impossible not to smile at that. Who wouldn't smile at kittens?

"That's great, Artie. Rory must be happy."

This was okay. I could talk to him about this. It was just like talking to him normally, as if nothing was wrong.

"He is! Although he's not sure what to do with kittens. I said maybe you could help him? I mean, if you want to. If you're not too busy-"

"No no, I'd love to," I agreed immediately.

He nodded, his eyes on the ground for a few moments before looking back at me, his expression serious again. I noticed his eyes on my stomach and quickly dropped my arms to try and cover up the marks Santana had left.

"I really am sorry."

"For what?" I whispered. I wanted to know what he thought he should be sorry for. For shouting? For watching me and Santana? For saying those things about her?

"For arguing. For yelling at you. I didn't mean it, I just didn't really want to be there and then I drank too much. I've never had that much before, I wasn't thinking straight. I'm sorry."

"Did… did you mean what you said about Santana?" I murmured. It was probably a bad idea to bring her up. Yes, he was frowning.

"I… some of it. I do think she's controlling. I don't like her. But… she's your friend. Not mine. You're right that I don't know her."

There was more silence, then. I could tell that both of us were thinking about the same thing - what he'd seen in the tunnel last night.

"How long?" he whispered.

I looked down at the floor. That was a hard question to answer. How long this time? How long had we been having sex? How long had we been _kissing_? He probably wouldn't like the answer to any of those questions.

"Saturday was the first time in a while," I told him, as simply as possible. I didn't want him thinking I'd been doing it the whole time. I remembered Quinn saying last year that it would hurt him if he found out.

"Saturday," he repeated, and I could see him putting things together in his head. "She took you to London."

I nodded. I didn't know what else to do.

"Please don't tell." Even though I didn't understand why Santana was so desperate to keep it a secret, I wasn't going to ignore it.

"…Is that what Santana wants?"

I nodded again. He took a deep, shuddering breath, closing his eyes. He stayed like that for several long moments, before opening them again and stepping forward so he was right in front of me.

"I love you, Brittany. I don't want to lose you."

He was looking straight into my eyes, and he looked so earnest that it made me want to cry. I could feel a lump growing in my throat, bigger and bigger with every word he said. "I know," I whispered. I didn't want to lose him either. I didn't want him hurt. He'd only ever been good to me. Last night he'd just been drunk. I'd done stupid things when I was drunk before.

"I'm never going to hide you. You're too special to be kept secret, Britt. Don't you know that?"

I bit my lip. Now I _really_ didn't know what to do. I'd thought everything would be sorted out after he saw us. But… but he didn't want it to end. I didn't want it to end either. With either of them. I was happy when I was with Artie. And I wouldn't be able to go on dates in Hogsmeade with Santana like I did with him. I wouldn't be able to hold her hand, or kiss her on the cheek. _Why_ did she want us to be secret? Why did she have to care so much about what other people thought? Why couldn't she just be with me?

"You… you're amazing, Brittany. I never thought I'd ever get a girl like you - because you're so popular, and beautiful. But I never knew how lucky I really was, because you're funny, and caring, and so many other things I never realised. I _love _you, so much. And maybe I haven't known you as long as Santana, but I'm not scared to tell everyone you're my girlfriend. I'd tell the world if I could."

He lifted a hand to my face, and I realised he was wiping away tears. When had I started crying? I shouldn't be the one crying. I was the one hurting people. But I didn't want to hurt him, not at all, especially after he'd said all that. Maybe… maybe I could have them both. They knew about each other. Then I wouldn't upset anyone… right? Would that work?

He was leaning in closer now, and I couldn't not kiss him, after he'd said all that. I pressed my lips gently against his, and I could feel him smiling into the kiss. How was I supposed to choose between them? They both wanted me. They both loved me. Artie was always so nice and good to me, and Santana… well, she was Santana. I loved her. I couldn't choose. I couldn't hurt either of them. He pulled away, and I leaned in to hug him properly, moving my lips to whisper in his ear.

"I'm sorry too."

* * *

><p>I couldn't stop smiling as I made the short walk from the Slytherin common room to the Great Hall. Really, I hadn't been able to stop since I'd woken up this morning. People were looking at me strangely - probably they were wondering why I looked so cheerful. Or maybe they were thinking about how I'd punched Artie yesterday. Even though I knew Brittany probably wasn't too happy about it, I was glad I had. He totally deserved it. I didn't even care about what he'd said about me - it was how he'd spoken to Brittany. It couldn't have come at a better time, though. Now he was out of the picture, Brittany knew I loved her, and everything could be how it was meant to be.<p>

I rounded the corner, stepping into the Great Hall and searching for Brittany. She wasn't at the Slytherin table, so I looked over to the Hufflepuffs instead - and felt all the breath rush out of me.

She was there. But - she was sat next to _him_. They were smiling, _laughing_.

I didn't understand. Why was she with him? I thought she loved me; I thought she'd chosen me? She kissed me when I was trying to apologise for hitting him, wasn't that choosing me?

It felt like the entire room was spinning. Her head was turning, but I couldn't let her see me. Not like this. I swivelled on the spot, blind to the other people around me as I rushed out. Someone was in the way, and I realised too late when he was on the floor in front of me that it was Kurt. I couldn't apologise though; I couldn't summon the words. I shook my head at him instead, picking up the pace as I hurried past until I was all-out running.

I couldn't go back to the common room - there were too many people. I needed somewhere quiet. The Room of Requirement? No, not right now. That would make things even worse, thinking of everything that happened this morning and last night. I paused as I saw the room at the end of the corridor I was on. Surely no one would be there this early in the morning, this early in the year? I walked forward, entering the unfamiliar room and pausing at the entrance to try and work out where to go. Of course I'd been in the library before, but it wasn't exactly somewhere I frequented, and I just wanted the quietest part of it where I could hide away. The librarian behind the desk was saying something but I didn't listen, just went forward and began walking down the narrow corridor framed by bookcases. There was a study area somewhere to the left, and after a few wrong turns I managed to find it. Was it always like a maze in here, or was it just because I was finding it increasingly hard to think straight?

I fell into a chair, barely able to feel grateful that no one else was already there, and covered my face with my hands to try and block out everything. It wasn't working though. I wanted to run back there and scream at her, ask her why she'd gone back to him, didn't she understand she was mine? That she'd always been mine, even before I realised it? And I was hers?

I tried to steady my breathing, and work out why I was acting like this. This wasn't me! I was Santana Lopez, I didn't _cry_ over relationships. But this was different and I knew it. This was _Brittany_. Things had always been different with her. I loved her. That was what made it different. And even though it had taken me a while to work out I was jealous of Artie, and Mike, and even Sam way back in third year, she couldn't just run back to Artie and act like it was okay! Was she really choosing him over me?

The air rushed out of my lungs and I squeezed my hands tighter over my face, wiping one cheek to get rid of the few tears that had fallen.

I loved her! I'd always loved her! Why was she choosing him? What about last night, hadn't that meant anything? She'd suggested it! Was it just a last-chance thing before she went back to him? Had she just been holding this in the whole weekend?

"Santana?"

My whole body jerked up out of the seat as I spun, wand out, to find Kurt quickly backing up with his hands held up.

"Whoa, hey, calm down…"

I let out a few ragged breaths before slowly lowering my wand, swiping again at my face to remove the evidence that I had been crying as I looked around for anyone else. There wasn't anyone. Just Kurt. I turned back to the table, slumping into the chair and dropping my wand with a light clatter. I could hear him moving behind me, then there was the scrape of a chair against the stone floor and he was sat next to me. I sniffed, trying not to let him see that I was upset even when it was probably pretty obvious already.

"You sure punched him hard," he commented when it became obvious that I wasn't going to speak first. "He'll have a swollen face for at least a few days."

I shrugged, although it was kind of good to hear that. I was a little surprised that Kurt was telling me this - he didn't seem the sort to condone violence, especially with his whole healing thing - but I guessed he was just hoping I wouldn't hex him away.

"You gave Brittany some interesting bruises as well," he added in a quieter voice. My eyes snapped up to find him already a little too close for comfort, peering down at me. That was weird, when did he get taller than me?

"Dunno what you're talking about," I replied coldly – although my voice was more shaky than cold. What was he doing? How did he know? My heart was beating fast again, but at least it was only Kurt. At least he wouldn't tell anyone… right?

He shook his head, dismissing it. "Look, Santana. Artie… he doesn't have anything on you. Brittany doesn't want to hurt him - she doesn't like hurting anybody, you know that. But he doesn't compare with you. Everyone knows you love her - no, not like that," he added quickly when I sat up straight with wide eyes. "Like, as a friend. Everyone knows that. I remember thinking the crazy girl who went to argue with Figgins about being separated from her best friend should have been in Gryffindor, not Slytherin."

"You remember that?" I asked, staring at him.

He nodded, shrugging a little. "I always used to see the little things you did for her. I used to wish I had a friend like you, who'd stand up for me like you stood up for Brittany." He shrugged again, a little smile on his face. "I guess I do, now. But the point is, you'd do anything for Brittany, and she'd do anything for you. You know each other inside out, and Artie doesn't have that with her. He likes her, maybe loves her. Maybe she loves him back."

I tried not to scowl at him when he said that.

"But she's totally, head-over-heels in love with you, Santana. She has been for at least a year, way before Artie turned up. And she still is now, and there's no way she's going to choose him over you in the long run. She doesn't want to hurt him, that's all. So… just… don't get upset. And don't punch him again."

I smiled a little at that. I didn't really mind about him knowing, now. It made me a bit nervous that other people might work it out like he had, but this was Kurt.

"Why-" My mouth was dryer than I thought, and I swallowed before continuing. "Why'd you come after me? Why say all that stuff? I'm a bitch, everyone knows it."

"Why wouldn't I? We're… we're kind of friends, right? Isn't that what friends do, look out for each other? Isn't that what you did yesterday morning, with Karofsky?"

This time it was my turn to shrug. I was starting to feel guilty about never standing up for him in the past, and especially for the occasional insults I'd sent his way over the years - not often, but enough that I could remember. He was being so nice now.

"Thanks, Kurt," I muttered. I reached out a little stiffly, but he leaned in to hug me properly. I wrapped my arms tightly around his back as he whispered in my ear.

"It'll all turn out just fine. Trust me."

* * *

><p>I'd been avoiding Brittany all day. Kurt and I had made it to Transfiguration - ten minutes late - and luckily we didn't have the same lessons on Mondays. Artie was in History of Magic but I made it a point to ignore him - which mostly worked, ignoring the moment halfway through the lesson when he gave me such a smug, self-satisfied expression that made me want to punch him in the other eye. Instead, I sent a more subtle spell across the classroom that succeeded in setting his book alight.<p>

The rest of the day I stayed in the Slytherin common room, occasionally making conversation with Puck, but mostly just trying to do homework and ignore everything I was feeling about Brittany. It was hard, but talking to Kurt had helped. Come 3 o'clock though, I heard a familiar voice just behind my head.

"Hey Santana! I thought we were meeting at the quidditch pitch?"

I tried to stop my body tensing, but with her face hovering next to mine it was impossible. I pasted a smile on my face and managed to turn without losing it.

"Quidditch pitch?"

She was smiling so brightly, like everything between us was fine.

"Yeah! Don't you remember, you promised to help get me up to scratch again now Madam Pillsbury says I can fly again?"

It took me a few seconds to remember the conversation last week after her Hospital Wing appointment. I wished I'd never agreed to it. I didn't want to do this now. Not with her, not when I was so confused. But I couldn't back out. I nodded, sliding my textbook onto the table.

"Sure. Sorry, I forgot. I'll just go get my broom, be back in a minute," I told her, standing. It didn't matter, because she followed me anyway. She already had hers - miraculously it had survived her fall - and walked with me out of the common room, out of Hogwarts and onto the lawns without one mention of Artie or this morning or last night. It was like she had no memory of any of it. Maybe that was it - she'd got in the way of a memory charm. Maybe _Artie_ had obliviated her? Whatever Kurt said, he definitely deserved another punch for that if it was true. I waited until we were in the air, away from anyone who might be listening, before I brought it up.

"Why were you with Artie?"

"Pardon?" she called from where she was concentrating on hovering as still as she could.

I frowned and flew closer, also speaking a little louder. "Artie. Why were you with him at breakfast?"

Her broom dropped in the air as I broke her concentration. When she looked over at me, it was very obvious she hadn't been charmed. She knew exactly what was going on.

"He's _nice_, Santana. He loves me, and… and he won't hide me."

It felt like someone had punched _me_ in the face.

"But I love you too," I argued quietly. "What… what about last night?"

"Last night was amazing, Santana. I loved it. And we can still do that."

"You never would before, when you were with him. Why… why aren't I enough? I… I can't do stuff in public. Not yet. But when it's just us two, I'll be way more than he ever could be."

"You are enough, Santana! I swear!"

"Then _why_?"

I said it louder than I meant to, and a bird in the tree next to us shrieked in response and burst out of the leaves to fly away. I took a deep, slow breath.

"I can't hurt him," Brittany whispered, staring down at her broom handle. "It's not fair on him."

_She doesn't want to hurt him, that's all._

Kurt's words calmed me again. He was right. She wasn't picking him over me. She was just… I don't know, prolonging it. It still hurt. It still hurt a _lot_. But it wasn't over. She just needed time, until he fucked up and I could show her how much better I was for her. I glanced down, finding no one below, then reached across for her hand.

"Okay. Okay… for now," I qualified. I could deal with this for now. So long as I wasn't about to lose her again.

"For now," she agreed, squeezing my fingers before releasing them to grasp her broom properly, already settling back into her normal self. I wished it was that easy for me. "Race to the quidditch pitch?" she suggested, her eyes glinting at the idea of a competition. I nodded with a grin, and set off without waiting for her. I heard her shouted protests behind me and I managed to laugh. Artie wasn't here. At that moment it was just me and Brittany, and I was _totally_ going to beat her.

We were outside for over an hour, ignoring the cold and the approaching darkness as we raced and threw apples - Brittany always caught them, but I dropped a lot of mine. I argued that I was used to a bigger ball, and she argued that I was just jealous she was a better catcher. It was just being best friends again, and it was so easy. I didn't have to try to be anyone but myself. But of course, it couldn't last. The sun was just beginning to set when I heard him shout from below.

"Brittany!"

She flew down immediately, so I had to follow. It was getting impossible to see the apples anyway - not that it stopped Brittany from catching them. I landed just behind her and dismounted, glaring at Artie. I hadn't had a chance to properly look before, but Kurt was right - I really had given him an excellent black eye. He glared straight back. Apart from the night before he'd never really been outwardly hostile to me, but it probably shouldn't surprise me now I'd gone and punched him. So long as Brittany didn't think we were all going to be friends…

"Are you okay? You should have told me you were out here, I would have practiced with you."

"Yeah? So she could knock you out of the way if I threw an apple at you?" I challenged immediately.

"Hey!"

I closed my mouth the moment Brittany spoke, biting the inside of my lip to spoke myself from saying anymore. Artie was outright scowling now.

"Please can you two be nice?"

I raised an eyebrow at her, and she looked between me and her scowling _boyfriend_ and sighed.

"Fine, not nice, just… don't insult each other all the time. Please. For me."

I eyed him for a moment, basically taking the time to admire my handiwork on his face, before nodding.

"So long as he doesn't."

"Of course I won't," Artie snapped back. I smirked a little - he was going to have trouble with that - before stepping forward to link little fingers with Brittany. His eyes burned into our hands and my smile increased as we walked together towards the castle - until Brittany reached out for his hand too, and got to hold it properly. I hoped it wouldn't take too long for her to get over hurting him. I didn't think I could deal with it for very long without at least another punch.


	27. Rumours

**Chapter 27: Rumours**

_November, Sixth Year_

It was hard, sharing Brittany. Of course I'd had to before, but never in such an obvious way. Artie had apparently taken more offence to me punching him than I'd expected; he'd never been so openly hostile before. At Britt's request there weren't any outright insults, but he was always trying to find ways to drag her away and every day he seemed to get worse.

In public, she was his, and I hated it. In private, though, it was a different story. We spent quite a few nights together in the Room of Requirement, but I had to make sure she knew this wasn't just about sex for me now. I had to prove to her that I was worth it; I was worth breaking up with Artie for. I helped her more with quidditch (not that she needed it), we had long baths together in the prefects' bathroom, and I even started joining her for occasional study sessions in the library so that Artie couldn't monopolise that, as much as he tried.

Brittany liked it, I knew she did. Every time she left to meet up with Artie it took her longer. She didn't want to be with him, and she told me that with every lingering kiss and the increasingly frequent apologies. I was sure she was close to ending things with him, and as the week went on my mood continued to improve, despite the stares that seemed to be following me around. I didn't understand why - it wasn't like the party was the first time I'd hit someone in front of a crowd - but I was too focused on winning over Brittany to care what they whispered.

My generally good mood came to an end on Friday morning. I had just returned to my dorm from a night in the Room of Requirement with Brittany, and I was pulling my uniform out of the chest of drawers when Niamh sauntered over. She was easily the most obnoxious girl I shared with, and she'd hated me ever since first year when I'd turned her skin bright pink for a day in a bout of rage. Since I was in a good mood though, I did nothing more than give her a strained smile when she stopped next to me.

"I never took you for that kinda girl, Lopez," she commented with a smirk. Her superior tone, coupled with the accent, irritated me immediately – although the accent was more just because she reminded me of that idiot Rory. He'd been fawning over Brittany increasingly this past week as she helped him with his new kittens.

I wasn't going to play along with her games, though.

"Well I never took you for desperate, but we both know who hooked up with Finnocence last week," I replied calmly.

"More than can be said for you. Enjoy making out with blondie? I should've guessed she'd jump you eventually, everyone knows what she's like and it's not like she can be getting much from the cripple." My wand was in my hand and pointing at her before I'd had time to process the severity of her words. Then I saw the triumph in her expression, and it all came crashing down on me. "And with you not getting any either, I suppose it was only a matter of time until you used her to get some real attention. Does she help out often? Touch you up in front of a guy to make him so hard he can't resist? When _was _the last time you got any action without her help?" she taunted.

I had none of my normal retorts to throw back. I was frozen, just listening and unable to do anything to stop her. For a moment it was hard to breathe, but I had to react. I made a point to poke her in the throat with my wand, not lowering it and doing all I could to hide the fear that was coursing through me, making me want to run from the dorm or fall back onto my bed. I fumbled for words.

"Two weeks ago - Alex." He'd lost some of his popularity after I'd failed to put him back on the quidditch team this year, and he was so desperate to get it back there was no way he'd deny sleeping with me. But no, that was a terrible answer – now she'd think I _had_ used Britt. _Fuck_. _Get your head in gear, Lopez._

She snorted, shaking her head with obvious disbelief. A few sparks shot out of the end of my wand, startling her momentarily. I tried to recover some ground.

"And _don't_ talk about Britt like that, got it?"

More sparks grazed her neck, but this time she didn't flinch at all. She continued speaking like she hadn't heard me.

"I mean, if you need to show off a bit for guys to get anything decent that's your problem, but you did it just to get with a _Gryffindor_? Jesus. I thought you had standards even if she didn't." My wand poked again at her throat, accidentally this time, but it just made her smirk wider. "Would you relax like? I get it. It's not like you've got anyone running after you nowadays, so you've got to settle for whatever you can get," she added, stepping backwards and away from me towards the door. "But next time you fancy a threesome, you might want to at least _try_ and get two guys," she called over her shoulder.

My hand was twitching with the desire to curse her as she meandered across the room to the door, but I knew in the back of my mind that getting into a duel with Niamh would be a terrible idea. She was the star of the school's duelling club - even if Professor Sylvester did take my side, I'd still end up in the Hospital Wing. I knew that from experience.

Slowly I lowered my wand, trembling a little. Picking up my uniform, I pushed the drawer closed and walked to the bathroom. I could hear Berry in one of the showers as I entered, singing loudly, and that put me even more on edge.

How had Niamh found out about us? We'd been so careful! Suddenly all the stares since the weekend came back to me and I felt sick. I pushed my way into one of the cubicles, slamming the door shut behind me. I dropped the day's clothes onto the built-in ledge and tapped the pipe with my wand to start the shower. Stripping off my clothes from last night, I stepped under the hot water and let it beat down on me, ignoring the sting from the too-high temperature. I rested my forehead against the side of the cubicle, willing Rachel to be quiet and let me think.

It would be okay. She didn't think… she didn't think I was _in love_ with Brittany. She just thought it was a threesome, or something like that. It could be worse. I gasped for breath, swiping at the few tears that escaped as I got myself back under control. It could be a _lot_ worse.

Once I was sure I could hold myself together, I switched off the water and towelled myself dry, quickly changing into new clothes. I entered the main dorm and dropped my towel and dirty clothes onto my bed, pulling the curtains because I couldn't be bothered to do anything with them at that moment, then made my way out of Slytherin and towards the Great Hall.

I didn't get far, though. Within a minute of exiting the common room, two familiar voices restored the feeling of dread that I thought I had got under control. I drew my wand and followed the voices, and sure enough came across Kurt on the floor next to the potions cupboard, with Karofsky yelling insults at him. I couldn't form the words I wanted, so I just whipped my wand forward and sent an unidentifiable spell flying past his face. He spun, but just rolled his eyes when he saw me.

"Get a grip, Lopez. Just 'cause you had a bit of lesbo fun doesn't mean you have to run around looking after Ladyboy all the time."

Another blast of magic sent him hurrying away muttering something under his breath, but my face was burning as I walked over to Kurt. Fucking Karofsky. Why'd he have to say it like that? That made it sound even worse than it already was.

"What is it? What's everyone saying, about me and Britt?" I demanded as I helped him to his feet. How had this spread so out of control without me even realising? I'd been concentrating so much on winning over Brittany that I hadn't been paying enough attention. Kurt was staring at the ground, so I jabbed him sharply in the shoulder. "_Hey._ What are they saying?" I repeated more firmly.

"That… that you had a threesome. With Britt and a guy from Gryffindor."

"What else?" He was shrinking back into the shell I'd always known him by before. I didn't need that right now – I had to know exactly what people were saying!

"That's it! That's all I've heard, anyway. No one's saying anything about you being gay-"

"Since when am I _gay_?" I snapped, glaring up at him fiercely. Just because I was in love with Brittany, didn't make me… _that_.

"I… I just figured-"

"Well _don't_. Don't get your little head caught up in thinking about stuff you don't understand, okay? God, it's no wonder Karofsky's always going after you when you say such stupid shit - try keeping your mouth shut for once."

I turned away while I was still speaking, marching down the corridor to get back on the path to the Great Hall and trying to return to the good mood I'd been in this morning. Kurt didn't have a clue what he was talking about. Neither did Karofsky, or Niamh - or any of these other people who kept _staring_. It was so much more obvious now, I had no idea how I'd brushed it off before. It felt like everyone's eyes were trained on me, even though I was sure they couldn't all be. But there were the looks, and the muffled giggles, and the whispers. It wasn't even just the girls gossiping - I noticed a couple of seventh year Slytherin guys grinning in my direction. Fucking pervs. The rumours weren't even true, but I couldn't correct them. It was better they thought that than knew the truth. I just had to act like it wasn't a big deal, like I didn't care - even though I just wanted to run away.

I spotted Brittany as soon as I stepped into the Great Hall, but then my mind started buzzing. Should I walk over there? What would people think? She was sitting with Artie anyway - wait, what did _he_ think? Shouldn't he have broken up with Brittany by now? Was this why he'd been so crazy lately when I was about? It was all too confusing. I'd act too weird if I went over there now. I went to the Slytherin table instead, picking a seat next to Puck which I immediately regretted when he leered at me.

"Don't say a word," I warned when he opened his mouth, glaring at him fiercely. He grinned wider.

"Alright, if you insist. Just know I'm always happy to oblige- _ugh_, alright," he amended quickly when I elbowed him. The increasingly lewd remarks I'd been hearing from him all week suddenly made sense.

I stared down at my empty bowl and plate for several minutes before reaching out for some cereal, not daring to look up and around. Was everyone looking at me? Trying to work out if it was true? Why hadn't Brittany told me? There were too many questions. I took a bite of my cereal, realising too late I'd forgotten to add milk, but it was tasteless anyway. The sudden screeching of owls as the post arrived didn't help matters. I needed quiet, not a hundred birds flying around my head. Gradually they faded a little as letters and packages were delivered, only to be replaced by the irritation of Puck's voice again.

"Santana."

I tried to ignore him, taking another bite of cereal, but he spoke again.

"Santana, _look_."

I lifted my head to tell him to shut up, only to be stopped short by the familiar, massive eagle owl before me. It was attracting attention, but not just because of its size. In front of it, on the polished surface of the table, was a distinctive red envelope. I recognised my abuela's scratchy handwriting on the back immediately and everything around me started to tune out as I stared at the howler.

I'd lost count of the number of times I had laughed at other people stupid enough to bring on their families' wrath. First detentions, being caught with firewhiskey, failing exams - those were the most common causes. But I was almost certain that I would not be reprimanded for any of those misdemeanours. I never had been before. The timing was too horrible not to be associated with the rumours I'd only just found out about.

"Quick, Santana," Puck said again. I refocused my eyes and saw the envelope was beginning to smoke. There was no time to escape now. I should have grabbed it and ran out of the Great Hall the moment I saw it. I took a deep breath, trying to keep my calm as I slowly ripped open the top. I felt a moment of pride for not letting my hands shake, but then that was completely overshadowed by my grandmother's voice echoing around the room.

"_Santana Lopez! Nunca he sido-_"

I couldn't believe this was happening. All eyes were on Santana and the slip of red paper that continued to scream at her in Spanish. Occasionally I was able to make out a word or two that I didn't really understand, but I wasn't paying attention to that. I couldn't tear myself away from watching Santana's face. She was trying to be so brave, but even from where I was sitting across the hall I could see the tears that still escaped and the way she was clutching at the table so hard her knuckles had turned white. I knew it was her grandmother. I'd heard her yell a lot before, but never this bad. Santana _never_ got howlers.

Finally, the angry voice fell silent, and muted laughter echoed around the room. Muted, I guess, because even if it was a howler, that was still Santana Lopez crying and no one wanted to get hexed. I watched as she stood, stumbling when she pushed Puck out of the way to hurry out of the Great Hall. The moment she was gone the laughter picked up. I felt a tug on my wrist. I turned, realising I was already standing, to see Artie looking up at me with his hand on my arm.

"Leave her, Britt. She's got a taste of her own medicine, she'll probably want to be alone."

I shook my head. He didn't know her like I did. She'd want to be alone, but with _me_.

"He's right, she probably doesn't want you about right now with those rumours and stuff going round, in case it makes things worse," Finn added from the other side of Artie, shovelling half a slice of toast into his mouth the moment he finished speaking.

"…What rumours?"

Finn was still chewing determinedly on the toast, but Artie wouldn't look at me. I tugged my hand free from his hold and sat down again on the bench, staring straight at him.

"What rumours, Artie?" I asked louder.

He sighed, playing with the eggs on his plate for a moment more before turning to look at me.

"Look, Brittany. I know what really happened on Sunday. And Saturday too, I guess."

"_What_?"

He rolled his eyes. "You don't need to play stupid, everyone knows." I ignored the sting of his words, just so he would carry on talking. "Okay, so I accidentally let slip to Sugar about… y'know. Seeing you two together. But then she mentioned that Gryffindor, and it all made sense, that it was all just for some guy Santana wanted to impress. But someone must've heard 'cause next thing I know everyone's talking about how you guys had a threesome. But I get it, you were angry, and I know what Santana's like-"

"No you _don't_! You _don't _know what she's like! You…_ why_ _would you tell someone that_?" I demanded, jerking up from my place next to him. I could feel myself shaking. "I was trying not to hurt you! I didn't want to hurt you, but then you go and hurt her!"

"No I didn't-"

"Yeah you did! She was just _crying_, because of_ you_! You talking about her like that!"

"She punched me! _And_ she basically persuaded you to cheat on me," he objected.

"You promised you wouldn't tell!"

"I didn't technically agree to that-"

"It doesn't matter!" I shouted. I knew that everyone was watching and listening to us now, and I had to be careful. I didn't know what Santana thought yet, but a threesome was probably better than people knowing it was just the two of us. "You said you'd be nice, I told you not to tell, and you didn't listen! You hurt her!"

His eyes were wide and his mouth open, and I could tell he didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to say anymore either, so I just turned around and walked away. Five days. Five days of trying to have it all, and I'd just hurt everyone. I should have ended it with Artie that morning. Maybe he'd still have talked, but I'd have been there for Santana at least. I couldn't believe he'd told people - and _Sugar_, the biggest gossip in Hufflepuff! What had he been thinking?

I didn't even try the Slytherin common room or dorm. There were too many people there; she'd want to be away from the gossip. I ran up the stairs two at a time. She must be terrified right now. She'd always said she didn't want anyone finding out, and now there were rumours all over the school about us! How long had she known? Not that long, surely. She'd been happy all week, and it had been lovely to see her so happy. It had been hard to leave her for Artie, and I'd been regretting that decision ever since Monday - but I hadn't wanted to go back on it, until now. Now, he'd hurt Santana, and I had to be there for her. I loved _Santana_. I couldn't pretend I didn't just to save Artie's feelings, especially when he didn't care about her.

The door to the Room of Requirement wasn't there when I found the corridor, but three lots of pacing while worrying about Santana made it jump into sight. I pulled on the handle and walked straight into our room, only pausing to make sure the door was shut behind me before hurrying over to the bed and climbing on, pulling her shaking body into me and hugging her as tight as I could.

"Shh, shh… I'm here," I whispered, starting to wipe away some of her tears before realising it was a futile effort. I carried on hugging her instead, pressing one kiss on her forehead before resting my chin lightly on the top of her head. "It'll be okay, I'll make it all okay," I told her. She wouldn't stop crying, though. The tears just kept coming and there wasn't anything I could say or do to make them stop, and that made me want to cry as well. But I couldn't, I had to be strong for her.

We lay there for a long time. Tony's old Puddlemere clock could have told me how long, but I wasn't interested in the time. I was just interested in helping Santana, and making her hurt less. She stopped crying eventually, but she didn't look at me. She just stared at the opposite wall, occasionally sniffing and reaching up to wipe at her face. I stayed next to her, watching her the whole time for some sign that she wanted to talk with my arms still around her.

"She said I was bringing shame to the family."

I blinked in surprise at her whispered words, lifting my head to get a better view of her face. Her eyes moved, flicking to my face for a few seconds before returning to the wall. A few tears swelled up again, but she blinked them away.

"You're not. She's just being silly."

"No, she's right. Who else has their granddaughter being gossiped about in the fucking _Ministry_?"

"The Ministry?" I repeated in dismay. How had it travelled that far?

Santana sniffed and nodded. "Someone said something about how they were surprised she let me get away with 'that kind of thing'. I… I didn't think people would tell their parents. Why would they tell their parents? Do they hate me that much?"

"No one hates you, Santana." She snorted, and I adjusted my sentence. "Well, no one apart from Finn. And… and Artie," I added in a quieter voice.

"Stopped defending him, have you?"

I gulped, looking away from her for the first time. I'd have to tell her eventually. Maybe I should start with the good news so she wouldn't be too upset?

"I broke up with him," I admitted. "Well, he might not realise it yet, but I have. B-because… he's the one who started the rumours."

That got her attention. She sat up, pulling out of my arms and the anger visible on her face.

"I should've known! I'm gonna hex him so-"

"No, no, Santana. Please. He didn't really mean to - and anyway, I don't want to think about him now. I want to think about us. He doesn't matter," I said, sitting up as well and reaching out to grab her hand. It distracted her enough to lessen her scowl. "It's just us, okay? And we can be secret for as long as you like."

Her frown reappeared, and she shook her head. "No. No, that's not fair. I can't do this to you."

"…What?"

Now she wasn't looking at me. I shifted on the bed, crawling across so I was sat right in front of her.

"What do you mean?"

What was she doing? What was she thinking?

"It's not… it's not fair to you. I can't… I'm too scared. I can't let them think those things about me. It won't be long. People are going to realise none of the Gryffindor guys were with us that night. They're going to talk, even more than they are now-"

"No they won't, they'll forget it."

She was shaking her head again. "They'll talk, and it'll get back to abuela, and my _parents_. Kurt's already got ideas. It can't happen, I need to show everyone I'm not like that."

I bit my lip, trying again not to cry.

"What do you mean, Santana? I said, we can be a secret."

"But… but it's not fair to you, making us be a secret if… if I'm with other guys too. Not after Artie. Not after how much I _hated_ it. I know I tried to act like it was fine, but it wasn't. It was horrible, seeing you go off with him."

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry-"

I couldn't be sorry enough, now she was saying all this. I really had hurt everyone. But she couldn't leave me now, not after all of this.

"I know. But I can't put you through the same. I need to show people I'm straight. I'm not brave enough, I… I don't think I'll ever be brave enough," she added in a whisper. She was crying again now, but so was I. I reached out for her again, wanting to hold on for as long as possible, and she didn't object.

"You will be. You can have all the time in the world, but I know you, and you _are_ brave. I can wait," I promised, holding her close with my arms wrapped around her.

"But can you wait while I'm off with other people?"

I looked her in the eye as I considered how much I used to dislike Puck. I didn't want her to go off with him again. In fact, I hated the idea. It made me realised just how stupid I'd been, thinking I could have her and Artie at the same. It must have hurt her so bad. But she'd dealt with it, and that meant I would too - so long as it didn't last forever.

"I can. But you have to try and be brave, okay? I'll help you, but you need to promise to try. We can be secret till then, and you can… you can do what you have to. You love me."

"I love you," she agreed, sniffling.

"And I love you. And that's all we need right now."

It would hurt. I knew it would. But I'd hurt her with Artie, so I'd have to deal with whatever she needed to get over her fears to be with me. She would be brave at some point. But until then, I had to be the brave one. And I'd be as brave as I needed to be to keep her with me. I'd spent too long wishing she'd love me back to abandon it now; however hard it was going to be, Santana was worth it.

**End of Part Two**

* * *

><p><strong>Many, many thanks go to letswriteadodgytvshow for helping me edit this.<strong>


	28. Interlude: Paper Unicorns

**Chapter 28, Interlude: Paper Unicorns**

_September, Seventh Year_

"When Connolly first discovered Neptune - twenty years before his muggle colleagues, I might add - he was determined to adapt the muggle technology even further, to allow him to uncover as much information about the planet as possible. It was through this that he developed the Videmodo charm while working at Newgrange, so he could study the light reflections much easier…"

I stared down at my open book, at the diagram of the Connolly Telescope with all its charms labelled, and wondered why I'd ever decided to take Astronomy to NEWT level in the first place. It wasn't like I needed to. I was taking more subjects than most people. The scratch of a quill from to my left reminded me exactly why. I glanced up at Professor Hibbitt, still rambling on about Videmodo charms, then turned my head to look at Brittany who was sat at the next desk along. She noticed me almost immediately and gave me a wide grin, before returning to her work. I sighed, and turned back to the front. What was the point in taking Astronomy to keep her company if she was just going to take notes all the time and not talk to me?

I picked up my quill, dipped it in ink and begin to doodle on the side of my parchment. I'd got as far as drawing Hibbitt falling off a cartoon version of one of his precious stars when something floated onto my desk. I stared at the paper unicorn for a moment before turning my head to see Brittany grinning at me again. I smiled back, picking it up and quickly finding a line written on its back. I brought the paper unicorn up closer to my face to read it properly.

_Hey, are you wearing a space suit?_

I looked at the sentence for a moment longer before turning back to stare at her in confusion. Space suit? What was she on about? She motioned with one finger, and I turned the unicorn over to find another sentence.

_Because your body's out of this world._

I choked as I tried to muffle my laughter, and Professor Hibbitt immediately swivelled around from the window to glare at me.

"Is something the matter, Miss Lopez?"

I shook my head, covering the unicorn with one hand as I did my best to smile at him.

"No, professor."

"Then please do not interrupt me again. As I was saying, Connolly's first attempt at the Videmodo charm…"

He hadn't even turned away again when something brushed my arm. I bit my lip, trying to keep from grinning too much while he was still keeping an eye on me, and reached for the second unicorn, pulling it into my lap. Finally his eyes drifted to the diagram on the board and I looked down, quickly finding Brittany's handwriting.

_How'd you like to recreate the Big Bang? ;)_

I quickly brought a hand up to my mouth to stop myself laughing again. I turned to look at Brittany, but there was already another unicorn coming my way. How did she make them so fast? Was this what she'd been doing all lesson? I reached out to catch it when it got near. Professor Hibbitt was back to staring out of the window, so I didn't bother to hide it as I looked down.

_You're as hot as the sun. You're like, Sun-tana._

This time I couldn't keep my laughter in check, and Professor Hibbitt spun around to glare at me. I dropped the unicorn into my lap before he could see.

"Miss Lopez, must I cast a silencing charm on you to get through my lecture? Be quiet!"

The next unicorn was already brushing against my leg and I fought to keep a straight face as I nodded.

"Sorry, professor."

The folded paper kept knocking against me as Professor Hibbitt continued his lecture on Connolly, glaring at me the whole time. I made a point to at least pretend to be taking notes, although I wasn't even sure what I was writing. The only way I was going to pass my NEWT in this was just studying with Britt - I never learnt anything from him. It was a good ten minutes until it was safe for me to reach down and catch hold of the unicorn that had been hovering there the entire time. I checked on Professor Hibbitt again, but he was busy flicking through his giant starbook. I held it underneath my desk just in case, and was surprised to find a rather sweeter message than the ones I had read before.

_If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd own the galaxy._

At least there was no desire to laugh this time. Yeah, it was still a crappy pick-up line, but it was adorable coming from Brittany. I turned to smile broadly at her, only to find a line of paper unicorns sitting ready on the edge of her desk. A quick flick of her wand sent the closest one over to me.

_Is your dad an astronaut? Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes._

If it was anyone else, I'd have whacked them round the head by now and told them to grow up. But it was different with Brittany. She made anything special. Even though the lines were crude and would _never_ work on me if anyone else said them, I just wanted to walk over and kiss her. If only…

They unicorns continued floating over to me for the rest of the lesson. Partway through I had to shuffle underneath my desk to store the pile I already had in my bag, which earned me a disapproving glare from Professor Hibbitt. When class finally ended my bag was full of them, and I couldn't stop smiling. Professor Hibbitt rushed out almost immediately, and with the two of us at the back of the class we were last in the queue to the door. I was almost there, holding my bag carefully so as not to squash any of the unicorns, when I felt Britt's hand pull me back. I spun around with a grin to see her holding up one last unicorn. I reached for it, holding it up to peer at the writing.

_Are you going to kiss me now, or do I have to lose my bet with Lord Tubbington?_

I glanced back once at the door. It was half-closed, and it was lunch next anyway. No one would be coming in. I dropped the unicorn onto the nearest desk and stepped forward, leaning up on tiptoes to capture her lips. I kissed her slowly, smiling against her mouth and with one hand gently cupping her cheek. The sound of running outside the room made me pull back to look at her, both hands dropping to find hers. Her eyes were still closed, and she had a dreamy smile on her face. I leaned in to kiss her once more.

"_Where_ did you find those?" I asked as I pulled away again, this time to see her eyes open.

She grinned happily.

"New muggle books came into the library last week, and there was a book called 'Get the Girl'. And it totally works," she proclaimed victoriously, proving her point by kissing me again.

I laughed as I pulled away.

"That would so not work with _anyone_ apart from me. And no one else could make that work on me. Just you, Britt."

"So, do I definitely get the girl?" she asked eagerly.

I glanced at the clock on the other side of the room. There was still almost an hour of lunch left.

"I suppose we could stop off in the prefects' bathroom," I mused, laughing again when Brittany grabbed my hand and pulled me straight out of the classroom, practically running to the nearest flight of stairs.

* * *

><p>Brittany's tongue was pure magic. Every flick, every kiss drove me that little bit higher, to the point that I was squeezing my eyes shut and biting my tongue hard to stop myself making any noise. Why, <em>why<em> hadn't I insisted on a silencing charm when she'd woken me up? I couldn't keep quiet under these conditions, I-

"Ohh!"

The noise escaped my lips before I could stop it, but my concerns shifted elsewhere when I felt Brittany pull away. My eyes snapped open and I lifted my head to look down at where she was nestled between my legs. Her eyes were sparkling as she grinned at me and licked her lips clean. My Slytherin tie hung loosely around her neck where it had been since lunch, swinging gently back and forth and hitting the inside of my thigh every time. What was she doing? _Why had she stopped?_

"Britt!" I said it as quietly as possible, and it came out as more of a hiss. She lifted a finger to her lips, teasing me. I moved my hips off the bed, begging her with my eyes. She grinned wider, kissing the inside of my knee before moving back in so the only thing I could see was dishevelled blonde hair. Her lips touched me again and I had to throw an arm over my mouth as my head fell back on the pillow. One hand pulled my hips up from the bed, pressing me further into her mouth. Her tongue delved deeper and I pressed my arm down more firmly against my face, unsuccessfully trying to muffle my moans. I pressed my lips together but it did no good - it was impossible to stay quiet with Brittany working me higher and higher, until I was about to fall-

"Some of us are trying to sl-ohhh!"

My eyes jerked open and my arms wrapped around myself, knees pulling up and away from Brittany as I came face to face with Rachel, staring down at us with wide eyes. I glanced across at Brittany, who wasn't wearing much more than me - my tie and her long, striped Hufflepuff socks I'd forgotten she had on - but she wasn't doing _anything_ to cover herself up! I knocked her with one foot, gesturing behind her. She got the message after a few seconds and grabbed the duvet, pulling it over her front. Her cheeks were a bit red, but she didn't look concerned at all! How was she not panicking about the fact that _Rachel Berry_ just caught us going at it?

"Don't…" My voice was raspy, and I took a deep gulp of air. "Don't say a _word_. To _anyone_," I ordered, glaring my fiercest at Rachel, whose head was still poking through the curtains.

She gulped, but nodded. "Of course, Santana." At least she made the effort to whisper - but then she ruined it by speaking again. "I do understand that this must be a very confusing time for you and I would like you to know-"

"Go!" I hissed, batting at the curtains desperately with one hand while the other was still covering my chest. Her face disappeared, and a moment later I heard the soft padding of hurried footsteps. I stared at the curtains for a moment longer before dropping my face against my knees, arms moving to wrap around my legs as I tried to hold myself together. The heat from earlier had shifted into uncomfortable stickiness. I fumbled around blindly with one hand, searching for the clothes that were strewn across the bed and soon finding the large t-shirt I slept in. I pulled it quickly over my head with shaking hands, feeling the burn of tears in my eyes. I tried to blink them away but some fell anyway. I couldn't stop trembling. I couldn't stop seeing Rachel's face staring down at us, for once shocked into silence. _Oh god, oh god._ Why had I been so stupid to think it would be fine without a silencing charm?

"Santana…"

Strong arms wrapped around me from behind and I fell back into Brittany, clapping both hands over my mouth to muffle my crying.

"It's okay, Santana, don't cry," she whispered in my ear.

I shook my head, trying to tell her to stop speaking. I didn't want anyone else coming over. What if _Niamh_ came? I took several quick breaths, willing myself to stop crying as I searched for more clothes. I found her shirt and pushed it back to her, pulling away to sort through the rest. I pulled on my shorts, then passed everything else to Brittany. She sighed, but started getting dressed as I waited at the end of the bed, peeking out of the curtain there. It was quiet. It sounded like everyone else was asleep. But I knew Rachel wasn't, so who else might have heard? Who might she tell?

Something touched my shoulder and I twisted my head quickly to find Brittany watching me with concern. She was almost dressed - her jumper was on inside out and my tie was still nestled underneath the shirt, but it would have to do. I pulled on her hand, sliding as quietly as possible off the bed and leading her quickly across the room. It was dark enough that no one should see my tears or Brittany's state of dress, but I hurried anyway. Down the stairs, out of the common room and along the corridor until I found the empty Potions classroom and pulled her inside, shutting the door behind us. I could feel her watching me as I walked further into the room and sank down onto one of the stools. I placed my arms on the table in front of me and rested my head on it, closing my eyes and embracing the darkness as I tried to get rid of the image of Rachel staring down at us. I heard the scrape of another stool next to me, and then a soft touch on my arm.

"Santana, it's okay."

"_How_ is it _okay_?" I muttered against my arm, loud enough for her to here. She sighed, and her hand moved to wrap around my shoulders.

"Rachel won't tell anyone."

"You don't know that!" I argued, sitting up so quickly her arm slid off me. I could feel fresh tears on my face again. "She hates me! I've called her names for _years_, and now she has something she can use against me! Of course she's going to tell people! Everyone's going to know by morning!"

"Would that be such a bad thing?" Brittany asked gently. I shot her a glare and she shook her head. "Fine. But she won't tell people. She gets it."

I snorted, scowling at the table.

"She _does_. She has two dads, remember?"

I blinked a few times as I processed that, remembering occasional mentions of them in the past. I wiped the tears off my face with the palm of my hand as I swivelled on the stool to look at her.

"You… you really don't think she'll tell?"

Brittany shook her head firmly. "She won't. Not everyone's out to get you, y'know. Don't you see? Quinn knows, and Kurt, and now Rachel. And nothing bad's happened so far."

"No, but that's different. Quinn's our friend, and Kurt and Rachel can't exactly be harsh about it, considering. But if other people find out…"

"They won't care," Brittany sighed. "Okay, so maybe Karofsky would, but he can't do anything. You're head of the quidditch team. He knows you'd kick him off if he said anything to you. And the whole school knows they'd get hexed if they said stuff."

"But that's just it. It's not just what people are going to say to my face. I can hex people all I like if they insult you or me when I'm about, but… but what about what they say when I'm not there? I don't want people talking about me. It'll just be the same as what happened last year, it'll get to the Ministry and then my parents and abuela will find out, and… and they won't like it. You _know_ them. They're all traditional and shit, and it's not like they have any other kids to fall back on. I'm their hope for _everything_. Exams, and a good job in the Ministry, and carrying on the fucking Lopez family tree."

"But what about your mum? She's better now, she tries to talk with you."

I was shaking my head before she'd finished speaking. "No, no I can't. Not yet. What if it just ruins everything?"

Brittany sighed again. She was playing with the bottom of her shirt with one hand, her feet kicking back and forth underneath the stool. They stopped abruptly, and then she had hopped off the stool and was standing.

"You said you'd try. But it's been almost a year, and no one else knows." I opened my mouth to point out what had just happened, but she cut me off. "Yeah, I know Rachel knows now, but that was an accident, and you still freaked out. I know you're scared. And I know I said I'd wait, but I _hate_ being a secret, Santana. I want to show you off to the world, I want everyone to know I'm your girlfriend. I want you to _myself_."

I bowed my head at that comment. I didn't go off with Puck often, and Brittany tried to be okay with it after the whole Artie thing, but she hated it. I hated it too, but what would things be like if I hadn't done that? People would have noticed that I'd stopped sleeping with guys, they'd have started asking questions.

"I'm gonna go back to Hufflepuff, okay? I'll see you tomorrow. And don't worry, Rachel won't say a thing," Brittany murmured as she walked away. The door swung shut behind her a few seconds later, and I was left in the darkness with my tears.

* * *

><p>I was leaving the Hufflepuff common room early the next morning when I ran into Rachel. Literally - she hurried forward and I wasn't looking, and we both ended up on the floor.<p>

"Oh! I'm sorry, Brittany!" she exclaimed, jumping to her feet and bending over to help me up as well

I smiled at her. "Don't worry, I wasn't looking either. Did you want Finn? Because I think he already left."

"No, no, it was you I wanted to talk to. About last night-"

I put a finger up to my lips quickly, gesturing at her to follow me as I walked down the corridor. I wasn't going to risk people finding out by talking about it right outside the common room. I didn't like being a secret, but it was what Santana wanted, and I wasn't going to force her into being public. Once we were a safe distance away, I turned back to Rachel and smiled to indicate she could continue.

"Well I just wanted to finish what I was going to say last night - I tried talking to Santana earlier but she threatened to hex my tongue into a horn, and since singing with a horned tongue would most likely prove rather difficult, I thought it easier to come to you instead."

I nodded uncertainly. It was always a little difficult to understand Rachel when she started speaking fast and in long sentences.

"Well anyway, I just wanted to reassure the two of you that of course I will stay quiet on the matter until you are ready to declare your affections in public yourselves, and to let you know that if you require _any_ assistance, or perhaps wish to talk to an adult who will understand, I am more than willing to contact my dads and have them floo into Hogsmeade at the next opportunity."

"I… uh, thanks Rachel. I think we'll be fine though," I assured her. The suggestion of talking to Rachel's dads about us would not go down at all well with Santana - it was probably safer not to mention it at all. "Thanks for the offer, though."

"Of course. If you do change my mind, just let me know and I'll owl them straight away!" she said with a firm nod, turning to head back in the direction of the Great Hall. I walked with her, trying to follow everything she said when she started babbling on about some singing academy in London, but to be honest I was kind of glad when she headed to the Hufflepuff table to sit by Finn. Rachel was perfectly nice, but she spoke so fast I couldn't understand her half the time.

I slid in next to Santana, and noticed straight away that she looked tired. I slipped my hand under the table and found hers, squeezing it lightly.

"You okay?" I asked quietly. I hoped she'd got some sleep after what had happened last night.

"Yeah. Just… Puck's bugging me," she added with a sigh.

I looked up to find Puck staring over at us - well, just at Santana really. Once he'd tried to hook up with me at a party, but Santana kept hexing him whenever she saw him for a week after, and he'd never tried it since. I glared, trying to tell him to back off. He noticed me, but just winked in response.

"Cheer her up, will you Britt?" he called across the table. "It's kind of a downer kissing someone who threatens you every other breath!"

I didn't bother replying, just turned back to Santana. She was tapping the table with her spoon, apparently lost in thought. Finally she moved, reaching into her pocket and producing an untidy, slightly crumpled unicorn similar to the ones I had been making in Astronomy yesterday.

"Sorry it's not as good as yours. That took me like four attempts," she apologised with a shrug as she passed it over. I smiled brightly at her, resisting the urge to kiss her on the cheek in thanks. I squeezed her hand extra tight instead as I turned the unicorn over, finding a line of black ink on its stomach.

_Dinner on me, 7pm in our room._

"Really? Tonight?" I asked. I wondered if this was because of what I'd said last night, or if she'd had it planned anyway.

"Yeah. If that's okay?"

"Course it is!" I exclaimed - a little too loudly, because several people looked over. I dropped the unicorn into my own bag and grinned at her. "I can't wait."

* * *

><p>Santana had left an hour ago for the Room of Requirement, and I had been waiting impatiently in my dorm ever since. I couldn't really change into fancy clothes because people would get curious, but I'd done my hair nicely and put on a bit of makeup.<p>

Finally, my clock hit five to seven and I hurried out of the dorm, walking as fast as I could without risking tripping over. Stairs, stairs, more stairs. Why did the Room of Requirement have to be so far away? I was convinced I could smell nice food before I even reached the corridor, even though I knew that was impossible.

When I entered the Room of Requirement the sounds and smells of cooking were overwhelming - spices and the sound of bubbling. Our room had expanded to allow room for a new kitchen area, and Santana was standing there with her back to me. It looked eerily similar to the kitchen that Artie had cooked for me in last year, but I pushed that thought aside as I hurried over. She grinned over her shoulder as I approached and I leaned in to kiss her softly on the back of the neck. I pulled back to admire the red smudge my lipstick left, then rested my chin on her shoulder to watch as she stirred the pot of creamy sauce on the hob.

"You're _cooking_?" I exclaimed in amazement as I stared down at what she'd made. Santana had never properly cooked like this for me before. Whenever we had dinner together, one of us just ran down to Hogsmeade or the elf kitchens to get something ready-made, and heated it up when we wanted to eat.

She nodded, biting her lip as she stirred. "I thought I'd try something different. I hope it's okay…"

"It smells _amazing_," I told her, breathing in to try and work out what it was as she lifted the spoon to taste a little. It smelt kind of sweet, and there was rice bubbling in the other saucepan. "Korma?" I questioned.

"Yep! And… it's done!" she declared, licking her lips and summoning over two plates standing on the nearby counter. I stayed right behind her as she dished it up, one hand resting lightly on her shoulder blade. I only pulled back when everything was on the plates and she hovered them both. I followed her to the desk she had pulled out from the wall and turned into a nice table, with a cloth and everything, digging in immediately once we were both sat.

"Santana, this is so good!" I exclaimed once I'd tasted it, quickly taking another bite. "Why haven't you ever cooked for me before?"

She shrugged, a little smile on her face. I loved it. I loved seeing her turn shy in front of me. I knew it was a part of her that no one else got to see.

"I guess I can cook more if you want. If you really do like it," she mumbled.

"Of course I do! How could anyone not like this? Where did you learn to cook like this?"

"I figured it was just like potions, following the recipe. So I found some cookbooks in the library and just… did it. House elves gave me the ingredients."

"Can you show me? Mum never lets me in the kitchen now, not since that whole Christmas pudding thing. I know I'm not good at potions, but with you so good surely I could learn something."

"Yeah, that would be fun," she agreed happily. "But no _way_ are we trying christmas pudding, not after that. I still can't believe your dad called those muggle fire people…"

"Well there's never been a fire before in our house! He didn't think about magic!"

"He's lived with your mum for like twenty years, how did he not realise there'd be a spell to fix it?"

"Well, he… he…"

I struggled to find the words to explain his decision to make a phone call when everyone else was busy trying to put out the fire, but then I met Santana's eye and we both dissolved into laughter at the memory.

The rest of the dinner was the same - talking, and laughing, and eating Santana's wonderful curry. When we finished the meal we left the dishes for later and moved to the bed. We were both so full that nothing happened apart from a few lazy kisses, but it was nice, just lying there with Santana and enjoying her company, not worrying about being interrupted or overheard.

"Hey Brittany."

I looked up from tracing swirls on her arm to find Santana looking at me with a much more serious expression than she'd been wearing for the rest of the evening. I shuffled further up the bed so we were eye-to-eye. She looked worried, so I leaned in to give her a kiss for courage. Her eyes stayed closed for a few seconds after I pulled back, and when they opened she looked more determined.

"I've been thinking. About last night. What happened, and what you said."

She went quiet again, but I didn't speak. I'd said what I thought on the matter last night, and I didn't want to interrupt her now.

"I promised to try, and… and I haven't been. Not really. But I want to, so we don't have to be a secret. It's… it's so scary, the thought of kissing you or just… just holding your hand, in front of other people," she explained, wringing her hands between us. "Worrying what they'll be thinking, what they'll say. And I figured the reason no one else knows about us yet is because I didn't have motivation to tell them. I mean, I had you, of course. But there was no time scale, and I could just say 'I'll start tomorrow' or 'I'll start next week', and then I never would. So… so that's what I think I need."

"More motivation?" I asked, not exactly sure what she was asking for. She shook her head.

"No. I mean, yes, but not from you. I want to do something by Christmas - give myself a deadline. Stop the Puck thing, at least. I promise I'll do that."

I lit up inside at the thought of not having to deal with Santana running off to Puck once a month. I knew it was me she loved, not him, and that I got her every other day, but it still hurt seeing them together - especially with Puck being so crude about it all the time, and always bugging her for more.

"Thank you," I breathed into her mouth as I leaned in to kiss her deeply, trying to show her just how happy I was. She kissed me back, but not for long before she was pulling away.

"That's… that's not all," she murmured, catching her breath. I bit my lip as I watched the uncertainty wash over her face again. "If things go well… like, we tell someone else and they're fine with it. I want to try and tell mamá."

"Are you sure?" I whispered.

She let out a quiet bark of laughter and shook her head.

"No. And I'm not saying I definitely will. But I haven't been trying, and I figure if I try to work myself up to that - well, even if I don't tell her at Christmas, it'll make things easier."

I smiled my understanding and leaned in to kiss her again.

"I love you," I whispered against her lips. I could feel them smiling against mine.

"Love you too," she whispered back, before pushing me onto my back and claiming my mouth as hers.


	29. PART THREE: Christmas Confessions

**PART THREE**

**Chapter 29: Christmas Confessions**

_December, Seventh Year, Christmas Holidays_

I never used to come to this part of town when I was a kid. It's just the church and a few houses. Once I went to the church with Brittany and Chloe and their dad, but the people there didn't like me much because I kept pointing out that _obviously_ this Jesus guy was just a wizard. Turning water into wine? I could do that spell by the time I was thirteen. It had made for several very interesting meals until the professors worked out that half the Slytherin third years were drunk, and put me and Puck in detention for two weeks straight.

But since about fourth year, I'd been coming here a lot. I'd avoided it as much as I could for the few years after Tony died. It was easier just to force my mind away from the subject - which was hard enough just being at home, without coming near the graveyard. But one day I'd come anyway, because Brittany was on holiday and I needed to talk, and it had helped. I had no illusions that he could actually hear me; I knew I was just talking to a lump of fancily carved rock and some bones. But it was nice talking without having to worry about being interrupted.

I dropped down onto the ground next to his headstone, reaching out to dig into the mud right in front of it. It took a little while of hunting, but finally my fingers curled around something hard and smooth, and I pulled out one of the marbles I'd placed there years ago. Flowers hadn't seemed right – he'd had terrible hayfever – so I'd searched through the attic until I found the box of his things, and the bag of marbles I'd given him for his ninth birthday. I'd had to take the colour-changing spells off them of course so the muggles wouldn't get curious, but they were still essentially the same.

I settled down with my back resting against his headstone, closing my eyes and rolling the marble in my fingers. I wished I could make some bluebell flames, but again that would cause issues with the muggles. They could be oblivious to magic most of the time, but right when it was most inconvenient they'd notice. I settled for tugging the zipper of my coat right up to my chin, but I still shivered as I spoke.

"Hi Tony."

It was always kind of awkward to start with. I never knew what to say, and I always got a bit worried that someone might come near and think I was crazy. Today it was even harder. I knew what I wanted to say. I had the words ready in my head, repeating over and over. He wouldn't react badly - how could he? - but I was still scared.

I tried to imagine how he'd react if he was sitting in front of me now, but how could I know how he'd react? He was ten the last time I'd seen him. He'd be sixteen now. A completely different person.

I wondered if he'd still have that stupid hairstyle. If he'd be any good at quidditch - I bet he would have been on the house team, he'd never fallen off his broom when we visited our cousins. What house would he have been in? Probably Slytherin - but maybe not. Maybe he'd have been a Gryffindor, or even a Hufflepuff. Our parents would have _loved_ that. He'd have come to me, asking how he was supposed to explain it to them in a letter, worrying that they'd be upset. I'd still be compared to him, but he'd be compared to me too and we could complain about it together.

The sadness hit me suddenly like it normally did, even though I really should have been expecting it. I sighed, opening my eyes to stare at the grey sky.

Would I have told him this already? I had no idea. I had no idea how a 16-year-old Tony was likely to react. I didn't know that Tony. So I spoke as if I was talking to the Tony I did know; the 10-year-old obsessed with Puddlemere United and Hogwarts.

"You know my friend Brittany?"

I could picture him nodding as he concentrated on rolling his marbles as accurately as possible across his bedroom floor.

"I… I love her."

He'd have turned to me then, confused.

"Not like a friend," I explained to the grave. "Like… like mamá and papá do. Well, like they're meant to when they're not arguing."

Maybe they would have started shouting below us then and he'd just laugh. Maybe he'd have frowned at me and said girls couldn't love other girls like that.

I didn't know. I didn't have a clue what he'd do.

This was stupid. He was a memory – that was it. And I was sitting on top of his bones like that would somehow help me talk to him. Like telling him would somehow make it easier when I went out with mamá tomorrow and tried to explain it to her.

I stood quickly, brushing off the dirt and starting to walk away until I realised I still had the marble in my hand. I turned and knelt, pressing it gently into the mud. Time to return to reality.

* * *

><p>Christmas shopping in Diagon Alley was hell. Why had I ever agreed to it?<p>

"Santana! Santana, over here!" my mother called from the other side of Twilfitt and Tatting's. The shop was unbearable. Everywhere there were rich women discussing the latest fabrics and designs, bitching about the inferiority of Madam Malkin's and how just _anyone_ went there, you might even bump into _muggles_. Sure, I appreciated good quality clothes, but this place was just filled with pureblood fanatics. I'd choose Madam Malkin's any day to avoid overhearing the ridiculous conversations these women had. I wandered to the back of the shop, where mamá was holding up two almost-identical sets of dress robes.

"Which do you think Pilar will prefer, hmm? Plum or lavender?"

I stared at the two outfits for a moment before pointing to the darker one. Honestly, I doubted my cousin would care which one she was given, but telling my mother that would just result in a lecture.

"Yes, you're right, I think it will suit her better. Did your robes fit?"

I nodded, indicating silently which I had chosen by gesturing to my arm. When she was in this kind of mood, it was easiest to keep quiet.

"Oh yes, I liked that one too. Here, add it to the pile and I'll go pay - you can wait outside if you like."

I hurried out of the shop, pausing outside the door to examine the window displays. It was much more enjoyable to admire the robes from outside, where I didn't have to listen to gossip about how the Minister's Undersecretary was having an affair with a muggle.

"Santana!"

Perfect. Just the person I didn't want to see. I tried to act like I didn't hear, but as usual Puck ignored the body language telling him to go away and appeared right next to me.

"Hi Puck." I give him a once-over before returning my gaze to the dress in the window.

"What're you doing here?"

"What do you think I'm doing? It's a few days before Christmas in Diagon Alley."

"You going to be sticking around for long? You haven't been returning my owls recently, maybe we could hang out?"

Did he really have to bring that up _now_? Wasn't dealing with my mother enough work for one day? I decided to ignore the latter comment.

"We're almost done."

"Great, so do you want to come over to my place? Got some imported firewhiskey," he added with a grin. "_Brannwhisky_, they call it."

"I can't. I have to help mamá, and I'm going over to Brittany's later."

He moved, leaning against the glass of the window so he was blocking my view.

"Come on, what's up with you recently? You've been avoiding me for months and it's not like-"

My mother's voice interrupted him before he could finish.

"Is there a problem?"

He turned, recognising her immediately and moving off the glass.

"No problem, Mrs. Lopez. Just catching up with Santana."

"Well I'm afraid Santana is busy at the moment. I'm sure you can catch up with her at our New Year's Party."

"Sure," he agreed hurriedly, already stepping away. "See you around, Santana."

It was kind of funny, how easily she could make him disappear.

"Are you dating him?"

I almost tripped over from the shock of the question. She never asked me stuff like this - I guessed it was part of her trying to make an effort thing she'd had going on for a while now. The timing was kind of horrible though - my stomach began to churn with the thought of the conversation to come. I shook my head straight away.

"No. I used to, but not since fifth year."

"Good. You can do much better than him, Santana."

Again, her words surprised me.

"I… uh, how do you mean?"

The crowds jostled around us and I stepped closer so I could hear her better as we walked.

"You should find someone who wants you for more than just your looks, or your money."

"…I have."

I couldn't believe those words had come out of my mouth. I'd had a whole speech explaining things prepared for later, when we were alone, and now I was just blurting things out in the middle of Diagon Alley. _Fuck._

"Never mind," I muttered.

She was looking at me strangely. "No, go on."

_Get it together, Santana. This is it. She's asking you directly. You can't lie. Just say it._

"Brittany."

It was a whisper, but I knew she'd heard because she looked confused. _What have I done? She's going to hate me._

"Brittany? No, Santana, I know Brittany's a wonderful friend but I'm not talking about friends."

I couldn't go back now. I was so close. I wanted to be able to tell Brittany tonight that I'd been brave. I just had to be brave. This was all for Brittany.

"I'm not talking about friends either."

The words came out rushed, tumbling over each other, but she understood. So many expressions were flashing over her face. Surprise. Confusion. Worry.

I couldn't deal with this. I couldn't deal with her questions or yelling or tears - I had to get away. I shouldn't have said anything. I stopped in the middle of the street, turning to run in the opposite direction, but before I could move a hand had clamped down on my arm and was pulling me to the side where it wasn't so busy.

"Calm down, Santana."

I realised I was breathing hard and struggled to calm myself, avoiding her face as I did.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, staring at the wall and trying to stop the rising tears.

"What is there to be sorry for?"

I blinked, turning to look at her properly. She looked sad - not angry.

"You're upset."

"Not at you, Santana. I just… I wasn't expecting that." She sighed, frowning down at me. I had no idea what she was thinking. "I… I need to know, though. This isn't just some sort of… I don't know, some way to get my attention? I do try, Santana, and I know I let you down before, but with the Ministry and your father's work I-"

"No! No, it's not! I_ love_ Brittany, mamá. I love her so much. And she loves me too." She could understand that, right? She could understand love?

She gave me a weak smile in response.

"Then I'm happy for you, querida. But… you should know, your abuela is not going to take this well. I can talk to your father, but-"

"Please don't tell them yet," I interrupted. Of course abuela wasn't going to react well, she'd sent me a _howler_ just because she'd heard a rumour at the Ministry. But I couldn't deal with her or papá finding out just yet. "I just wanted you to know. Just you. I know they won't get it. Please, keep it secret?"

She hesitated, but then nodded.

"Of course, Santana, if that is what you wish. Now come, enough serious talk for now. We need to finish this shopping before it gets dark!"

* * *

><p>Brittany was waiting in the kitchen when I reached her house. I could tell, because the moment I knocked I heard a crash, followed by running footsteps and Brittany's mum yelling at her to clean up whatever she'd just dropped. Blonde hair appeared around the door a second later and Brittany grinned cheerfully at me, ushering me in then hurrying back into the kitchen. I followed her and found a smashed glass of orange juice on the floor that she was clearing up with her wand. I watched her quietly as she hovered the pile over to the bin, leaving a trail of orange juice behind her. Lord Tubbington followed, licking it all up so when she turned around there was nothing left.<p>

"Sorry I'm late, mamá got a bit carried away with the shopping."

She grinned at me, shaking her head.

"It's fine. I got all the ingredients ready."

She gestured behind her, revealing a counter top covered in eggs, flour, butter, chocolate, fruit and apparently everything else she had found on her mum's baking shelf.

"Are you sure your mum's okay with this?" I asked quietly, stepping closer to survey the mass of food.

"It's okay, Santana, I fireproofed the kitchen," she reassured me as she suddenly appeared in the door. "Just call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Thanks!" I called after her, turning back to the food and starting to sift through it. "So… uh, what exactly did you want to make out of all this?"

"I don't mind," Brittany replied cheerily. "Maybe fruit cake? Or ginger biscuits- ooh, or fudge!"

I found a recipe book buried under several bags of chocolate chips and pulled it out, opening it up. I could feel Brittany move closer, looking down at it over my shoulder with her hand resting lightly on my hip.

"I think it might be best to start with something simple," I commented, flipping to the back of the book for the kids section. Years of supervising Brittany in Potions - and of course the Christmas pudding incident - had made me wary of doing anything with her involving recipes. I flipped through until I came to a page with a very short recipe labelled 'Rice Krispie Cakes'. That looked simple enough, and the Pierces always had that muggle cereal in the cupboard. "This look okay?" I asked.

She nodded eagerly, her chin bumping slightly against me.

"I'll get the rice krispies!" she declared, knocking against the table as she hurried across the room to the cupboard by the door.

I sorted through the ingredients on the side until I had found chocolate, butter and syrup, dropping them onto the table just as Brittany returned with the giant box of cereal.

"What else do we need?"

"Um… scales, a bowl, a couple of spoons and a saucepan," I read aloud from the book, wincing a little at the crash that met my ears when the saucepan clattered onto the floor.

Finally everything was set out on the table, and I gestured her over to look at the book with me.

"Look - we need to melt the chocolate first. Then add the butter and syrup, and when that's done we take it off the heat and mix in the rice krispies, then just leave it to cool down. See? Easy."

Brittany nodded dubiously, suddenly uncertain with the recipe in front of her. I bumped her hip lightly.

"It'll be great, okay? I'm here to help."

She smiled back at me, then looked down at the book with more confidence. "Okay… so first, we need to boil water. In a saucepan, right?"

"Exactly!"

"Aguamenti," she said, pointing her wand at the saucepan as I walked over to the oven. Luckily it was gas, not one of those weird muggle electric ones. "Watch out," she warned from behind me. I turned, and stared as she carefully carried across a saucepan full to the brim with water. I stayed quiet until she'd placed it carefully on the hob.

"Not that much water, Britt, we need to put the bowl on top of it," I explained, carefully siphoning some of the water off with my own wand and sending it in a stream towards the sink. I grabbed the glass bowl and balanced it on top. "See? It can't touch the water."

"Well why don't they say that?" Brittany complained, returning to the book to frown down at it. "They never explain things well enough. If you weren't here I'd have ruined it already…"

I walked over to her, glancing at the door before wrapping my arms around her from behind.

"Well that's why you asked me to help, right? It's your first time cooking, Britt, you're allowed to make mistakes. Come on, we need to melt the chocolate. Maybe we can eat some of it while we're waiting for it to melt," I suggested. That cheered her up straight away, and she reached out to grab the bar of chocolate. She turned before I'd pulled away properly to drop a soft kiss on my forehead.

"Thanks Santana," she whispered, brushing past me to return to the oven. "Do we need to like, break up it up or something first?" she asked, the chocolate unwrapped and hovering over the glass bowl.

"Exactly what we need to do," I replied. She grinned victoriously, snapping apart the pieces and dropping them into the bowl one at a time. I reached behind me for a spoon and approached, flourishing it in front of her when she was done with the chocolate. She took it happily and began stirring with enthusiasm. "Not so fast, Britt. Just need stirring slowly, so it all melts."

"Slowly, okay."

Her stirring sped down considerably. I probably should have been watching the bowl more to make sure she was doing it right, but it was much more pleasant to just look at her face, especially when it brightened at the sight of the chocolate melting.

"It's working, Santana!"

Watching her smile reminded me of the other news I had to tell her. I hadn't let her know I was planning to tell my mamá today, just in case it went wrong or I chickened out. I glanced at the door again, but I could hear the distant buzz of the television in the other room.

"I've got some news, Britt."

"Yeah?" she asked, not looking away from the bowl. Her face was a mixture of concentration and delight.

"You know how I promised to work harder, to do stuff by Christmas?" I reminded her tentatively. I didn't want her to bring up Puck just yet - I still had to work out a way to make him stop bugging me.

This time she looked at me properly, with a wide smile.

"You have, Santana. Sam, and Mike and Tina. You even told Matt yourself. It's great, we don't have to pretend around them."

"Yeah, I know, but… that's not what I was talking about." I reached out for her hand, holding it tightly as I smiled up at her. "I told mamá."

Brittany's smile lit up a thousand times more. "You _did? _Santana that's amazing!" she squealed, dropping the spoon suddenly to reach forward and wrap me up in a tight hug. She pulled back suddenly to stare down at me with concern. "What did she say? Was she okay with it?"

I bit my lip as I nodded, trying not to smile too widely, but that plan disappeared when Brittany scooped me up again, laughing. Her lips were on mine without warning and I kissed her back enthusiastically, only pulling away when a familiar smell wafted towards me.

"Brittany, the chocolate!"

Her hand dived back into the bowl to grab the spoon that had fallen in, picking up half the melted chocolate as she did so. She hit the knob to turn the gas lower and began to furiously whisk at it, scraping at the bottom where the burnt chocolate had stuck. I tried not to laugh, but the shocked expression on Brittany's face made it too hard not to. I bumped into the table behind me and doubled over when she stuck her tongue out at me, sliding down to the floor. The back of my head rested against the table leg as I laughed, hearing a click as she turned off the gas, and a moment later she had joined me, straddling me while her chocolate-covered hand covering my mouth.

"Don't laugh, you're meant to be helping me!" she protested, but with a look in her eye that told me she was trying not to laugh as well. I grinned back at her with my eyes, sticking my tongue out to lick up some of the melted chocolate. She gasped at first, then giggled and moved her hand slightly to give me better access. I licked again, teasing her as I drew one of her fingers into my mouth and sucked at it lightly.

"You're being mean, Santana," she murmured as she leaned in, pulling her hand away to my neck to tilt it up so she could lean in and kiss me. She pulled back before I'd even got to return the kiss to whisper. "You taste delicious."

"Don't I always?" I responded with a smirk, leaning forward to meet her halfway as she moved in to kiss me again.

I kissed her slowly, the chocolate mixing in our mouths and making Brittany taste even sweeter than she normally did. My head rested back on the table leg as I settled back and she leaned in further - until the soft pad of footsteps reminded me of who was just across the hallway. I pushed at her with both hands and she broke away with a sigh, looking supremely unconcerned.

"Britt, your parents," I hissed. I tried to glance towards the door, but her hand on my neck stopped me.

"Can't we tell them?" she whispered back, looking straight into my eyes, pleading. "You told your mum. My parents won't care. I want them to know."

I hesitated, but it was so hard to argue when she was looking at me like that.

"But what if they talk about it? What if papá or abuela finds out from them?"

"No, they won't. We can explain you want it kept quiet. Please, Santana."

This was Brittany's family. She knew them better than I did, but what if they hated me for it? What if they tried to stop us seeing each other?

It wasn't my choice, though. Brittany hadn't told them up till now because of me, but she'd wanted to. It wasn't fair for me to make that decision for her.

"O-okay," I muttered, with a quick nod. She smiled widely, scrambling off me and pulling me up from the floor. Then she leaned in to kiss me one last time.

"You're being so brave, Santana. Thank you," she whispered against my lips.

I shrugged, slightly uncomfortable under her confident gaze.

"You're the brave one, wanting to tell everyone, not being scared."

"Nu-uh, it's you. _Because _you're scared, but you're doing it anyway. For me. And you're amazing for it," Brittany whispered. There was silence for a moment, then she spun quickly and grabbed my hand, pulling me around the kitchen table and towards the doorway.

"Wait- what? Brittany, now?" I hissed, trying to squirm my hand away from her, but she was holding on too tight. "But- Britt, your face! It's covered in chocolate!" I objected even quieter as we entered the hallway, then I went completely silent as we stumbled together into the front room. Her mum and dad turned to look at us and I tried to yank my hand away again, but couldn't.

"We've got some great news!" Brittany enthused, clutching at my hand tighter.

I took a little step back under the curious gaze of her parents. As much as I wanted to be happy that Brittany was happy, I was too busy being worried about their reaction.

"Santana's my girlfriend!"

I cringed, but I should have guessed she would tell them straight out. Brittany didn't really sugar-coat things. My eyes flicked between them. They looked mildly surprised, and glanced at each other.

"That's… that's great, Brittany," her mum started. "But… hasn't she been your girlfriend for a while?"

Fear ran through me and I turned quickly to Brittany, but she just looked confused.

"Well there's the constant holding hands under the dinner table. And you were kissing under the mistletoe in Brittany's room the other day. Wasn't that… we just assumed…" Her dad trailed off, looking between us again. "Is this a new thing?"

Brittany shook her head, and I was glad she was up to responding because I had no idea how to react to this. They knew, they'd worked it out for themselves… and they were fine with it? They just 'assumed'?

"No, it's been… uh… I guess just over a year, properly," Brittany replied. "But Santana didn't want people to know," she explained, glancing back to offer me a gentle smile. Her parents were nodding understandingly as well. Understandingly? Was this really happening? "But not everyone knows yet. So, can you not tell people please?"

"Of course. Santana, you don't have to worry about us saying anything. Your secret is safe with us," her mum assured me. Her dad nodded, drawing a zipper across his mouth with twinkling eyes that were so similar to Brittany's.

I nodded, in a daze as Brittany said thanks and pulled me out of the room, back into the kitchen.

"You… they…"

I wasn't even sure what I wanted to say. She was smiling again - not a massive smile like before, but restrained, like she knew I wasn't ready to laugh about it yet.

"I told you they wouldn't care," she said quietly, opening her arms to me.

I let out a long breath I didn't know I'd been holding as I slumped against her, the stress of the day catching up with me. She stroked my hair lightly, leaning in to whisper in my ear.

"Thank you."

* * *

><p><strong>Briiit: The reason for the time jump was because from the start I wanted to show their entire time at Hogwarts, but I realised that I wouldn't be able to do that without long stretches of nothing particularly exciting happening. So I decided to split it into 3 parts with time jumps between them so I could tell the story from beginning to end, but only focusing on the important aspects of their story. I wasn't originally intending to have the interludes, but I thought it was a good idea to bridge the gap a little, particularly between parts 1 and 2.<strong>

**Drawing to go with this chapter can be found here:**

****laurasfantasia. tumblr. com  
><strong>**/post/26313166371/kitchen-table****


	30. Daisies

**Theme songs for the chapter:  
>comwatch?v=czFm5NEyBzQ  
>comwatch?v=De7wEaA_Lg4**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 30: Daisies<strong>

_December, Seventh Year, Christmas Holidays_

"Santana, get up!" my father snapped. "You're meant to be helping, not lazing about on the floor with Brittany! You're in everyone's way!"

Another voice chimed in.

"Santana, _escúchame! Necesito-"_

"Abuela, speak in English!" I protested, piling the flowers Brittany had dropped back into her arms and standing as I tried to contain my temper. She knew Brittany was here. She knew Brittany didn't speak Spanish. I'd told her _three times_ already. Only Brittany's hand resting lightly on my arm stopped me from saying anything else.

"Santana, have you brought in those flowers yet?"

I groaned under my breath, spinning around to shout across the room.

"We're _coming_, mamá!"

I scooped up my own flowers that I'd placed on the table for safekeeping then hurried into the dining room. My mother and the half-dozen house elves abuela had brought with her were setting the table and decorating.

"I hate New Year's," I grumbled quietly to Brittany. She just smiled back at me.

"It'll be over soon. Only a week until Hogwarts."

I opened my mouth to reply, but mamá interrupted me as she rushed forward.

"Finally! I need you to give those to the two house elves at the end of the table just there, and then go up into the attic and find the spare cutlery case - we're missing a few forks. Oh, and there are some vases up there as well, you know the blue ones? Get them too."

I nodded wearily as we deposited the flowers, but Brittany was already pulling at my hand to hurry me out of the room.

"Britt?"

"Come on!"

I followed her up several flights of stairs without bothering to question her further - she'd tell me when she was ready, or I'd work it out for myself. A few more house elves I didn't recognise bustled past hovering boxes twice the size of them, but by the time we reached the attic we were alone. The trapdoor was already open and the ladder down, so Brittany started climbing up straight away.

I waited until she had disappeared into the darkness before moving after her. Light shone down suddenly and I peered up to see Brittany waiting for me at the top of the ladder with a smile and a lit wand. She reached down, her hand catching under my arm as soon as I was close enough and hefting me up the rest of the way.

"This is gonna be so much fun!" she said. I could see the cutlery case and vases to the right where they normally were, but she was pulling me in the opposite direction.

"Mamá's going to be mad," I warned her quietly, but she just turned to shake her head at me.

"We won't be that long. But I've never got to come into your attic. We should have before!"

"Why? It's just a load of junk up here," I replied, standing over Brittany as she squatted next to a familiar-looking box.

"Yeah, _our_ junk! Like - look! That snitch Charity caught, and we had to hide!"

She held up a very battered ball that was now more rusted than golden, with one of its wings missing. I smiled at the memory, kneeling next to her to dig through the box of stuff I mostly recognised from our 2nd and third years and finally understanding her excitement.

"You remember this?" I asked, holding up my old Herbology textbook. She grinned, grabbing it from me and rifling through to the back pages covered in games of noughts and crosses and doodles of various people.

"Is that _Rachel_?" she giggled, pointing to one caricature that had a gag drawn onto it. I looked a bit closer.

"I think… oh, it might be Harmony. Except… no, that nose is definitely Berry's," I decided, flicking through a few more pages before returning to hunting through the box. Brittany was right - we should have come up here sooner. "Your flowers!" I exclaimed, pulling several slightly wilted large daisies from one corner. The smile slid off my face when I remembered the circumstances of how I'd got them. Brittany obviously remembered too, but she was still smiling.

"You told me I wasn't allowed to give you flowers for Valentine's Day. So I just hid them in your dorm the day before. I can't believe you kept them," she murmured.

"I can't believe that spell is still working," I replied quietly, touching one of the petals. I ignored her last sentence - I didn't deserve any recognition for keeping the flowers when I'd just yelled at her at the time. The petal felt a little rubbery, but still alive. "How did that examiner only give you an A for Charms?"

She shrugged. "They don't test how long you can make spells last for, just how well you can do them. And I'm no good at the fancy charms, you know that."

"Well you should've got an O, no question," I replied firmly, making a decision as I did. "I'm going to put these in water and take them back to Hogwarts with me. I know I didn't say so back then, and I'm sorry, but thanks Brittany. They're gorgeous," I told her, shuffling closer on my knees to kiss her softly. Her fingers moved up to run through my hair, pulling me a little closer.

"_Santana, hurry up and get downstairs!_"

My mother's voice echoed through the attic and I automatically broke away from Brittany, jumping to my feet to search for the source of the voice. I realised a moment later it was just magically projected, but it still took a few seconds to slow my breathing. Brittany was behind me straight away, her arms wrapping around me and holding me close.

"It's okay, remember? She knows."

"I know. I just… I still don't want her seeing us. And it could have been papá or abuela."

"But it wasn't, so there's no point worrying about that now. We should go down though, before they do come investing." I sighed, not bothering to correct her, and she dropped a kiss on my shoulder. "It'll be over soon. And we can come up here another time and look through this stuff."

I nodded, moving back towards the trapdoor to collect the cutlery and vases with her right behind me, the flowers still clutched in one hand.

* * *

><p>"So, uh… your grandma's a bit scary."<p>

I tried to keep my eye roll to a minimum so no one else would notice it.

"You don't say."

"I'm serious," Puck replied. I reached for my wine glass and took a large gulp, putting it down again quickly under the sharp gaze of my mother. "All I did was ask if I was sitting next to you and she gave me this long speech about the Lopez pedigree, asking me all about my dad like I have a clue if he was pureblood or not."

"Well obviously you passed the test, or I'd still be sitting next to Brittany," I told him sourly, glancing down the table to where she was sat with Quinn. Of course Puck had to make this dinner even more unbearable by splitting us up - not to mention bringing up yet more reasons my abuela would hate the idea of me being with Britt.

"I just sold her some line about how my granddad was all about blood purity when he was alive so he must have been or my mum wouldn't have been allowed to marry him. She bought it straight away."

"Great."

I reached for my wine again, letting out a sigh of relief when I noticed the first house elves coming through with food for the table. Maybe he'd stop talking soon and pay attention to his stomach instead.

"So how long's this party meant to go on for anyway?"

"You've been before, Puck."

"Yeah, but that was a whole year ago and it's all a bit hazy after I spiked the punch. The adults leave us alone after dinner though, right? We get left to our own devices?" he smirked, prodding my side playfully with his elbow.

I did my best to keep a neutral expression, hiding most of it behind my wine glass and reaching immediately for the chicken when a platter was placed to my left. I glanced down the table at Brittany again and found her already watching me. She smiled, but it wasn't like her usual smiles; she was as unhappy as I was about me sitting next to Puck. Probably it had reminded her I hadn't quite followed up on that part of my promise yet. I'd thought it would be the easiest, but Puck was irritatingly insistent. I tried to send her an encouraging smile in response, but she still didn't look particularly happy. I forced myself to tune back into what Puck was saying when I realised he was still talking. If he really had convinced abuela he was pureblood enough, she'd probably be keeping an eye on us and I really couldn't deal with a lecture on being polite right now.

"-changed much?"

"…What?"

"Your bedroom. I haven't been up there for so long, I was wondering if it had changed. Any new obstacles to navigate around," he teased.

"Change the record, Puck. This is meant to be a fancy dinner, my family won't appreciate it if they overhear you," I muttered. It was the only excuse I could think of that might shut him up. He leaned in closer.

"Well I guess I'll just have to investigate for myself later, huh?"

I stuffed a forkful of salad into my mouth to stop myself from yelling at him in response. How hard was it for him to get the message? Was I really going to have to spell it out for him?

The rest of the dinner was predictably uncomfortable. Abuela and papá made long speeches thanking everyone for coming, and then mamá did her obligatory political talk listing all the great things the Ministry had done in the past year. Brittany was looking at me the whole time, and I wondered if she was aware of Puck's wandering hands under the table and my failed attempts to ward him off. He seemed to think it was some sort of game and that I really didn't care about him groping me in front of my family - and Brittany. I stopped looking at her after a while; the expression on her face just made me feel guiltier, even though I was trying to stop him.

By the time mamá had concluded her speech and invited everyone through to the front room for champagne to await the stroke of midnight, I was ready to snap. With everyone else already bustling through, I grabbed Puck and pulled him to the nearest door, not bothering to take any care with my nails digging into his arm. I dragged him through the empty corridor and up the stairs at the back of the house I knew no one would be using. When I felt his hand sneak out again I slapped it away and spun.

"Stop it! Keep your hands to yourself!" I shouted.

He looked shocked for a second, before rolling his eyes.

"Geez, change of heart much?"

"Change-_ change of heart_? What the fuck do you think slapping your hands all evening meant? What-"

I stopped suddenly when I heard voices nearby, instead grabbing his arm again and leading him to my bedroom. I fished my wand out of my pocket and made the appropriate flourish.

"Muffliato."

Returning my attention to Puck only made me sigh again - his arms were crossed and he was smirking at me with one eyebrow raised.

"So, you want to take charge, huh? I could be up for that."

Only the thought of having to explain an unconscious Puck stopped me from hexing him right then. I kept my wand in my hand, not even trying to tame the sparks that were flying out of the end as I walked in a short circle before turning back to him, sending him my fiercest glare. I had to make this clear.

"Listen to me, okay? Listen to the words I'm saying and don't interpret them how you want. Just fucking _listen_."

"Alright, alright, I'm listening," he said, sauntering across the room to sit on my bed. Of course that's what he would do. I stared down at the carpet, taking a breath to calm myself before speaking.

"We don't work, Puck. We never have."

He sighed. "Santana, are you getting all emotional again? I thought we decided just sex, no feelings? We work _great_ in bed."

"From your point of view, sure," I muttered, shaking my head when he frowned. That wasn't the discussion I wanted to have. "I mean - that's got to stop. The sex. Alright? We can't, not anymore."

"What? But _why_?"

"Because…" Maybe it was better to just give him the truth. The edited truth, at least. "Because there's someone else."

"Who? It's none of the quidditch guys in our year, they're always asking me how I manage to still hook up with you when you turn them all down at parties. And they're the only decent guys really. Oh man, it's not someone like _Jacob_ is it?"

I froze, staring at him. "Jacob? Are you _crazy_?"

"Well good! I don't think I could take being rejected for that kid."

"No, no, Puck. That's just… ugh, that would _never_ happen. Trust me."

"Well who is it then?"

"None of your business," I snapped.

"Except it is, 'cause you're dumping me for him."

"It's not dumping if it's just sex."

"I'm still losing out though," he argued, folding his arms. "Just tell me."

I scowled, turning around to look at my desk instead of him. I noticed the large picture of Brittany and me straight away, framed and placed right next to the vase of daisies I'd put there earlier. She grinned up at me, winking occasionally before leaning in to kiss my cheek. What would she want me to do? That was obvious. Whatever I needed to, to stop him going after me. And she wanted everyone to know about us. Of course she'd want me to tell him. But the memory of all the comments he'd made after those threesome rumours was making me more nervous. I focused my eyes on Brittany in the photo, trying to work up the courage.

"If you don't tell me I'll just keep bugging you. This guy can't have anything on me."

That made up my mind. I didn't turn around, just raised my voice with my eyes still trained on Brittany's face. She smiled, encouraging me as I spoke.

"It's not a guy."

"Lopez, if you're dumping me for some werewolf or whatever-"

"It's Brittany."

There was silence. Everything was silent, except for the quick beating of my heart. I turned slowly, clasping my hands behind me to stop them shaking where he could see. He was just staring at me, his eyes wide and mouth open.

"_Brittany_?"

I nodded, biting the inside of my lip.

"You… oh my God… you… _Santana_!" He stood up suddenly, eyes even wider. He looked appalled, and my stomach churned as I braced myself for whatever he was going to say next. "All that stuff I said to you! When we started hooking up again last year, about how you should stay the night with me because if it was with Brittany people would talk again and think like - oh _God_. I didn't - I didn't realise, at all. I'm sorry, I swear. I never woulda said that if I'd known!" he protested. I wasn't sure what to say in response. I'd never heard him come out with so many apologies in one go before – and he wasn't done yet. "I'm _sorry_, Santana! Seriously, I'll back off."

"Thanks," I muttered, but of course he had to ruin it.

"But hey, if you ever do want another threesome, I'll be the most supportive-" Sparks shot from my wand again and he held up his hands quickly. "Joking! I'll get the other guys to back off too, although they probably will try and go for a threesome-"

"No," I interrupted. "Don't tell people. I'm not ready for everyone to know yet. I just had to stop this whole thing with you and me."

"Sure, Santana. No talking. I hope I'm free to imagine though, because without you I'm gonna be alone more nights than I'm used to and I'll need a little something-"

"You're disgusting," I told him firmly, but it was hard not to smile when he was grinning down at me like that. Puck could be a complete perv sometimes, but before all of that he'd been my friend. I knew if he promised to keep a secret, he wouldn't tell a soul.

* * *

><p>She'd lied. She hadn't mean to, but she'd done it anyway. She promised me she'd stop hooking up with Puck, but she'd gone off with him right in front of me just because he was bugging her like normal. I split away from the crowd of adults to slip through the glass door into the garden. I didn't want to be inside when they rejoined the party, and have to listen to whatever excuse Santana came up with when her mum asked where she'd been.<p>

I'd thought this party would be better than last year. Then, she'd been so terrified of anyone guessing that she'd spent the whole evening talking with her parents' friends who she normally hated. This year, I'd thought it would be different. Her mum knew about us, and sometimes I'd catch her smiling in our direction when I was making Santana laugh. Santana had been calmer than usual this afternoon when were helping her family get ready - and she'd put those flowers up in her room.

I'd never thought she'd keep them. Back then I didn't even know the significance - I'd just wanted to give her something nice for Valentines, because everyone else gave stuff to people they thought were pretty on that day. But I'd figured that if I could hide them and she found them, the day before, it wouldn't count like she said it would. But she'd still shouted, and I'd never seen the flowers again until today. I got it, now. I got why she'd been scared for people to see me giving her flowers, but none of that mattered because she'd kept them.

So now they were on her desk, opposite the bed she was currently fucking Puck in. I slumped down onto the lawn. My hand skimmed through the grass, but there were no daisies there. I lifted my hand to my face instead and felt dampness as I pulled my cardigan tighter around me. It wasn't as cold as it had been the previous week, but it was still enough to make me shiver. For a few seconds I considered walking around the house and climbing the tree to look through her window, but I dismissed the idea straight away. I wouldn't be able to keep quiet watching them, and I'd probably end up falling out of the tree.

"Brittany?"

I twisted my head a little bit so I could see Quinn standing nearby. I made eye contact with her before turning back to stare into the garden, bending my legs more so I could rest my chin on my knees. I heard soft rustling, then Quinn was settling down beside me.

"My parents started using me as trophy child so I thought I'd make better use of my time and come find you," she explained softly.

I nodded to show I understood, but I knew she must be able to see the tears still trickling down my face. She didn't say anything though - she just put her arm around my shoulders and pulled me into a half-hug. I sniffed, nestling my face into her neck as I whispered.

"She went off with Puck."

"I know."

More tears fell and I gulped before speaking again. "She's not supposed to. New Year's is a special day, right? Special days you're meant to spend with your girlfriend, not… not your fuckbuddy."

"I know you're going to disagree, but Santana's kind of a bitch sometimes. She does what she wants," Quinn replied. I shook my head against her shoulder.

"No, no, she was doing what I wanted. She was getting better, she was telling people. But… but she promised she'd stop with Puck as well, and she hasn't. Why won't he leave her alone? She's mine, not his. She's never been his."

"Because Puck does whatever he wants as well. It's why they're in Slytherin, Britt."

I didn't know how I was meant to reply to that, so I didn't. I stayed quiet, curled up in Quinn's arms and trying to stop crying, stop imagining what they were doing up there. Occasionally I'd hear noise drift across to us from the house, but it was nothing I could make out.

"I think I want to go home," I whispered after about five minutes of silence. The wind had picked up and it was getting harder to keep my shivering under control. I could feel Quinn shaking a bit as well and I didn't want her to catch a cold just from being out here with me.

"I'll tell Mrs. Lopez you weren't feeling well," she said, shuffling as I pulled away from her then standing as well. "I'll try and talk to Santana too, but - you know what she's like. She'll probably either ignore me or tell me to shut up in case someone hears."

"Okay. Thanks Quinn," I said as she hugged me one last time before turning back to the house. She smiled, waving with her fingers as she re-entered through the glass doors. I stood there for a few seconds before turning and making my way around the outside of the house. I couldn't help looking up at Santana's window, and saw the light was on. She was still with him.

I could hear parties happening in other houses that I passed but I didn't stop to see which. I plucked my key out of my cardigan pocket as I approached my own house, opening it and then locking it behind me. It was quiet inside. My parents and sister had gone to our grandparents' for the night and wouldn't be back for a while. I thought about going up to my bedroom, but there was too much Santana up there. I wandered into the front room instead, slumping down on the sofa.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the sight of Santana dragging Puck out of the dining room like she couldn't get away from me fast enough. She'd barely even looked at me at the end. I'd been watching her the whole time, and Puck. I'd seen him touching her under the table. The memory made me burn inside, and for a moment I thought I might be sick.

I'd thought she was done with him. She'd even told her mum - how could she do that for me and still act like going off with Puck was okay? That hurt me more than hiding. Every time I saw them together it hurt.

More tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes, even though they were shut. I could feel them, tracing lines onto my face. How could she do this? How could she get my hopes up by doing all that other stuff and then go off with him when I was right there? I knew it wasn't really fair to think like that, I knew she'd told people because of me - and of course, I'd done the same thing to her for that week I was with Artie. But that was a _week_, and this had been going on for a year, and it felt like she'd never stop.

I sat bolt upright when I heard a sudden hammering at the door, my hand flying to where my wand was tucked in the side of my dress. Was someone trying to get into the house? Were we being burgled?

"Brittany! Brittany, are you there? Let me in, please!"

Perhaps a burglar would have been better - I could have got rid of them with my wand. I couldn't do that to Santana. I rose stiffly from the sofa, creeping to the hallway so I could peer round at the door. Maybe I could just pretend I was asleep and she'd go away?

"Britt, I know you're there. _Please_ let me in, you've got it all wrong."

"I don't want to talk to you!" I called back thickly, gulping away more tears. Didn't she know I'd go back to her eventually? Couldn't she just give me the time to get my head around the fact I'd always have to deal with Puck on the side? I could see her silhouette shaking its head through the glass of the door.

"I spoke to Quinn, she said what you thought - but you're wrong, Brittany. I didn't sleep with Puck, I swear. I wouldn't do that to you."

I sniffed, rubbing at my cheeks as I took a few steps closer to the door.

"You have before. You've gone off with him loads of times."

"I know. I know, and I'm sorry, but I didn't this time. I stopped it. I couldn't deal with him grabbing me all night, so I explained. I told him about us, Britt. We're done, okay? We're not going to do that anymore, he agreed."

I couldn't work out if she was telling the truth through the glass. I stepped forward again, fishing the key out of my pocket and unlocking the door, pulling on the handle a moment later to reveal her standing there. She walked through straight away, wrapping me into a hug. But I still wasn't sure, so I pushed her back to look at her properly.

"Really? You're done with him? Forever?"

"Forever and ever," she whispered, looking me straight in the eye. I stared back for only a second before relaxing, pulling her back into the hug. It was done. I'd never have to burn up watching them flirt or leave together again. Her arms tightened around me and I realised I was crying again, but then we both jumped when a bang sounded behind her. I tried to pull her further into the house while searching for the noise, but then I saw the sparks blossoming in the sky. More fireworks started going off and I turned back to Santana, keeping her close with my hands pressed against her back.

"Happy New Year," she murmured, already leaning in.

"Best New Year's ever," I whispered as I met her lips.


	31. High Flying

**Chapter 31: High Flying**

_January, Seventh Year_

The Great Hall was buzzing. It always did after people got back from holidays. Santana tugged lightly on my little finger and I smiled across at her. She smiled back, her eyes crinkling, and we walked together to the Hufflepuff table.

"Hey Lopez, over here!"

I stumbled slightly at hearing Puck's voice call from our left, the familiar feeling of dread running through me - but then I remembered. They were done. He knew about us. Santana was hesitating, looking at me to see if it was okay. I loved her for not assuming. I gave her a tiny nod, and we changed course towards the Slytherin table instead.

"Shove over, Karofsky. Be nice if other people could sit on this bench besides you," she snapped, knocking roughly at his shoulder. He scowled, and she scowled back, and for a moment I thought they were going to start duelling in the middle of the Great Hall. But then he moved, and I was reminded of the power she had over him from her quidditch captaincy. I hoped that never changed, because I really didn't like the way he looked at her. She stood back, letting me sit first, but I moved in next to Karofsky so she could sit by Puck. I didn't mind them being friends. I'd rather they were friends than she got into a fight with Karofsky.

"Hey Britt, good Christmas?" Puck asked as I was reaching for some cereal. I turned my head and saw him smiling at me. That was strange. Normally he didn't pay that much attention to me. Maybe I was just too used to feeling upset as he fawned over Santana to notice him being friendly.

"Great, thanks. You?"

"Good, Gabe was being a prick as usual though. Hey, did you guys hear about Ryerson?"

He was addressing both of us now, and I turned to look at Santana. She was shaking her head. We hadn't really had much time to catch up on Hogwarts gossip when we'd got back yesterday night - Santana had dragged me straight to the Room of Requirement. It had been kind of hard sneaking about at home. Chloe kept running into my room trying to catch us kissing, and one time it had been a bit too close. And then whenever we went round to Santana's her abuela started going on about Puck and jobs at the Ministry - at least, that's what Santana said she was talking about. She always spoke in Spanish even though Santana replied in English and told her to speak in English too. I knew she didn't like me, I just wasn't really sure why.

"They finally caught him selling jara, he's suspended. Apparently his stash is still hidden somewhere in the greenhouses," Puck explained, his eyebrows wiggling in Santana's direction. She was grinning, but shaking her head.

"Sorry Puck, I don't have time. Transfiguration and Charms tests this week and I barely studied over the holidays."

"Ahh, get a bit too distracted?" he asked with a devilish grin, his eyes darting to me for a second.

"No need to be ambiguous, Puck. We all know Santana can't go two weeks without sneaking round to yours."

My head swivelled to locate the source of the lilting voice, but I knew who it was already. Niamh continued, daintily eating a slice of toast as she did.

"Still don't know why you put up with her, there's plenty of other girls more than willing."

Santana was tensing next to me and I slipped my hand on the table to take hers - also conveniently stopping her from reaching any further for her wand. But Puck replied before Santana could.

"Actually, Santana and I are just friends now."

He said it so calmly, and Niamh just raised an eyebrow in response, that I thought that might be the end of it. But of course Santana couldn't let that pass.

"Wow,_ Nia_, throwing yourself at guys when we haven't even been back a day? I guess that boyfriend isn't as perfect as you always say."

"At least I have a boyfriend and not just an occasional fuckbuddy," Niamh shot back immediately, her expression shifting to a scowl at the use of the much-hated nickname. "Although I guess you don't even have that now. What _are_ you going to do?"

"I don't know, maybe concentrate on getting decent grades so I can get a job when I leave here and not just aim to marry a rich guy and live off him?"

"Yeah, like that's going to be an achievement with your family where they are. You could be stupider than Brittany and still walk into whatever job you fancied in the Ministry."

My hand loosened without meaning to as the sting registered and suddenly Santana was standing with her wand waving across the table.

"Whoa, Santana no!" Puck bellowed, yanking her back by the waist and reaching for her wand. I tried to help as well but I just ended up falling against Karofsky. Santana was screeching in Spanish as she struggled with Puck to aim her wand at Niamh and I could already see Professor Schuester running over. I tried again, lifting my legs over the bench to wrap my arms around Santana's left arm, stepping in front of her as I did.

"Santana, come on, you're gonna get in trouble-"

"I don't fucking care, she can't talk about you like that-"

"_Please_, Santana, I don't want to be alone tonight while you're in detention!"

Her struggling lessened considerably and I took the opportunity to step closer to her so she had to meet my eyes. Puck was still holding on from behind but I ignored him.

"Santana, _stop_."

She stopped, breathing heavily as I released her wand hand. I nodded at Puck to let go of her as well. He looked dubious but stepped away, hovering for a few seconds to make sure she wasn't about to relaunch herself at Niamh before moving around us back to his seat.

"Come on, let's go," I whispered, nudging her gently towards the double doors.

"Good to see someone's got you on a leash!" Niamh called from behind, and I had to push heavily on Santana to stop her swivelling around again.

"Ignore her."

She made a growling noise in her throat but carried on towards the Entrance Hall with me right behind her. I kept us walking until we were on the path to the Slytherin common room before stopping, and she spun around.

"Why'd you stop me? She can't say that about you!"

"She was just doing it to annoy you," I pointed out with a sigh. I was used to people saying that stuff about me anyway. I didn't like it, but I didn't like it even more when it got Santana into trouble.

She muttered something in Spanish under her breath as she paced back and forth, before turning back to step right in front of me.

"You're not, you know?" she said quietly. "You're not stupid. All those people who say you are just don't get you."

"Santana, it's fine. I get that I'm not as clever as other people-"

"It's _not _fine, and you are!"

I sighed again, my eyes wandering away from her to look down the corridor. I didn't like this talk at all. I knew Santana was only trying to be nice, but it was just reminding me of all the things people said about me when they thought I wasn't listening – or just didn't care that I was there.

"Okay, you know what makes you clever? Those flowers. You made that spell last for _four years_."

I shook my head.

"That's not clever, that's just… that's just making a spell last a long time. Don't try and pretend I'm clever when I'm not, we both know I'm not. _You're_ what clever is - getting great exam marks and being able to talk fast without sounding like an idiot," I muttered, staring at the ground. "You never mix up your words or forget what day it is. I can't do any of that." I paused, Niamh's words and their implication echoing in my head. "What if - what if she's right? What if I can't get a job because I'm too stupid? What am I supposed to do then?"

I felt a cool palm press to my cheek, and I reluctantly lifted my head to look at her.

"You knew I loved you. You made me brave. You can't get much cleverer than that, Britt. That kind of thing is way more important than memorising facts for exams. And what about all that muggle stuff you know? You explain it so well, I'd never understand any of it without you. You know you're the reason I got onto NEWT Muggle Studies. Professor Holliday's great, but she can't put things straight like you can."

"You… really?" I whispered. I always figured she'd just put up with me rambling about muggle things. I never thought it might actually be helpful.

She gazed back at me confidently.

"Really. You're smart, Britt. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, okay? They just don't know clever when they see it."

I hesitated, but then I nodded. I still knew I wasn't smart like other people. But if I really had helped Santana, maybe I wasn't as stupid as everyone said.

"Good. Now come on, let's grab some food from the kitchens," she said, reaching out for my hand. I extended my little finger, but she grabbed my whole hand instead and threaded her fingers with mine. The gesture sent ripples of warmth up my arm and I smiled widely at her.

"Do you think they have chocolate croissants?"

"When do they ever not have chocolate croissants?" she pointed out with a grin. She squeezed my hand lightly and we set off together to the elf kitchens.

* * *

><p>I'd never had such a stressful first week back before. I knew NEWTs were close, and I knew we needed to be thinking about jobs too, but it was like every single teacher was reminding us of everything we had to do and making out like their subject was more important than all the others. Professor Sylvester was terrifying as well, talking about everything out in the world that we might have to use defensive magic against and how it wasn't just a Hogwarts class but important for real life too. For a few days I started checking round corners for chimaeras and lethifolds, until Santana assured me they wouldn't actually get inside Hogwarts with all the protection spells on it. Even so, I really needed to learn how to do a patronus properly, and not just for the exam. Quinn had already managed to make her sphinx twice in class.<p>

I managed to scrape through my Care of Magical Creatures test, but I only just got an A. It's much harder than I thought it would be, because now we're always studying the really dangerous or far away creatures and there's hardly any practical work. That was how I got such a good mark in my OWL, because it was mostly practical and about looking after the creatures, and I'm great at that. But I just can't concentrate when I'm trying to study the content and uses of acromantula venom.

Luckily Santana didn't get into any more arguments with Niamh - mostly because I made a point to seat us at the Hufflepuff table all the meals I could. On Friday lunchtime we were in our usual spots when Puck approached.

"Are you lost, Puck?" Becky demanded, staring up at him as he slipped down next to me.

He grinned, giving her a little salute.

"Don't worry Becky, I'll leave you alone in a sec."

She rolled her eyes but returned to eating her toast as Puck turned his attention to us with a wide grin.

"Stressed yet? Teachers going on, setting way too much homework? Too many tests?"

"Your point, Puck?" Santana asked with a raised eyebrow.

"My point is that we all need to relax a bit, yeah?"

"There's a party tonight?" I asked, sitting up a little straighter. A party would be great. I just needed to have some fun. Nights with Santana were great, but I was in just the right mood for a party.

"Not quite." He lowered his voice more and shuffled closer so his leg was pressed against mine. I might have been annoyed, but he'd just pushed me closer to Santana really. "You remember what I said about Ryerson's stash?"

"You got it?" Santana hissed from beside me. I tried to remember the conversation from the start of the week, but I wasn't completely sure what they were talking about it. Puck was nodding though, so obviously Santana had guessed right.

"There's not as much as I thought, so we're keeping it quiet. You girls, Karofsky, Azimio, Mike. Some Gryffindor girl Lauren, 'cause she helped find it. You in?"

"Definitely. What time, where?"

"Slytherin boys' changing room, midnight."

"Okay, we'll be there."

I let Santana talk, but I still wasn't entirely sure what was going on.

"What about Quinn?" I asked as Puck moved to stand.

He snorted, and shook his head.

"No chance, prefect remember?"

"But Mike's a prefect," I pointed out.

"Yeah, but Mike's not a goody-two-shoes. He's not going to report us. Anyway, I'll see you later alright? Don't be late or there might not be any left," he added with a wink as he left.

I stared after him as he gambled back across to the Slytherin table, then turned to Santana.

"Quinn never reported our parties before."

Santana laughed. "Very true. Can't quite see her being down with this though. Don't worry about it Britt, she can't feel left out if she doesn't know about it."

"I… that's not-" I started, but she was already reaching for her bag and rising from the table.

"Come on Britt, you don't want to be late do you? Remember that muggle computer guy's coming in?"

I leapt up from my seat at the reminder, bumping my knees against the bottom of the table. I'd just have to remember to ask Santana later.

* * *

><p>"I still don't get what we're doing," I whispered to Santana as we crept across the lawn towards the quidditch pitch.<p>

"Shh!" she hissed, glancing back to give me a reassuring smile before continuing.

I followed her silently, enjoying the feel of her hand in mine. It wasn't until we were right next to the stadium, walking round the outside to the Slytherin entrance, that she gave me a proper response.

"You know why Ryerson got suspended, right?"

"No."

She stopped, spinning around to squint at me.

"No? Really?"

I shrugged, leaning against the Ravenclaw banner hung on the wall to my left.

"I mean he wasn't very good at teaching. But neither's Professor Schuester and he's not suspended."

"No, that's got nothing to do with it. He was dealing jara. You know how Figgins is about that."

I frowned, thinking back, but Santana took my silence for further confusion.

"Don't you remember the stuff Puck was passing around at that last party before Christmas? But we left early so we didn't have any?" My stomach was starting to feel a bit like a stone, sinking lower and lower as I thought back to that time in Professor Ryerson's office. "…Jaraia root?" she prompted.

"No, no I remember," I told her. "I know what it is. I've… I've had it before."

Her eyes widened. I turned to examine the Ravenclaw banner so I wouldn't have to look at her.

"_When?_" she demanded. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't realise what it was till now. He put it in my tea. I was crying, and confused, and he put it in my tea to help me think clearer. The day I broke up with Mike."

I didn't mention what else happened that day, because I knew she'd remember on her own. The day I found the word for how I felt about her, and she refused to let me say it. The day she broke my heart for the first time. I risked another glance at her to find her still staring at me, her mouth in an 'o' shape.

"You weren't drunk…?"

I shook my head, not really knowing what else to say.

"…Oh."

She didn't know what to say either. At least we were the same.

"What's it like?" she whispered after another few moments of silence, stepping closer to me. I looked into her face and found nerves there for the first time. I thought back to that day in fifth year, and was surprised at how easy it was to remember.

"It's… it's like everything that's not important disappears," I said, trying to work out how to explain it. "In your head, and all around. It's harder to move because your body won't react fast enough. But it's so easy to think. Everything makes sense. You just might forget some important things, because they don't seem important at the time. And you feel it _really_ fast."

"Okay… well, we'll just have to look out for each other, right? Make sure we don't do anything stupid. It's not like I'm going to forget you," she pointed out, apparently trying to reassure herself.

I stepped forward to peck her lightly on the lips.

"It's okay, Santana. I won't forget you either," I promised.

She nodded again, giving me a brief smile before turning to continue towards the Slytherin changing rooms. It wasn't that much further anyway, and it was only a minute later that we were ducking through the entrance. I'd only been in the Slytherin part of the stadium once, but that was the girls' changing rooms. Santana led me straight past that door to the next one. She pressed her ear to it once as she disentangled our hands to link little fingers instead, then pushed the door open.

It smelt really bad. The others were all already there. Puck was hovering over a cauldron while one of the Gryffindor beaters stirred it and kept pushing him away - that must be Lauren. To the side, Mike, Karofsky and Azimio were drinking cans of something. They were charming some old broomsticks around the perimeter of the room – although Karofsky's kept bumping into the wall and was lagging well behind the others. He made up for it by jerking it across to get in the other brooms' way when they overtook. He'd never been great at spells, but I was sure he was getting worse.

"Took you long enough!" Puck called across the room as I pushed the door shut behind us.

Santana rolled her eyes as she marched forward. I followed, our hands swinging slightly as we walked.

"Schuester was wandering near Hufflepuff, would you rather we led him straight here? What's with the potion anyway, can't we just take it straight?"

"Sure, Satan, if you wanna break your teeth chewing it," Lauren said, reaching beside her for a stack of cups. "I'd rather mix it in with some firewhiskey myself."

I reached out to press my free hand lightly to Santana's shoulder to stop her saying anything she shouldn't. I didn't want Lauren poisoning her or something because she couldn't keep her mouth shut. Luckily she turned to roll her eyes at Puck instead, who was grinning and just shrugged.

"Alright people, it's ready. Drink up," Lauren announced, gesturing to the circle of cups on the table next to her and then starting to down hers without waiting.

Santana and I reached for cups at the same time, then she turned to me as the boys hurried over too and started jostling for the cups with the most in. I noticed Santana had taken the one with the least, and I squeezed her finger again and smiled.

"We're gonna look out for each other, right?"

"Right," she agreed, her voice a little breathier than normal as she stared into her cup. I looked into mine as well, and found a dark red liquid - much darker than firewhiskey normally was. "On three?" she asked. I looked back up at her and nodded. "Okay. One… two… three!"

I lifted the cup and drank it as fast as I could. It burnt less than firewhiskey normally did, but there was a weird aftertaste I hadn't noticed when I had it with the tea. I dropped the cup to the floor without thinking as I looked to Santana for a reaction from her. She was frowning, staring into her cup.

"What is it? Are you okay?" I whispered, stepping closer. I reminded myself that it was my job to look after Santana. She was the only thing that mattered now. Even if I started thinking about other things by accident, I had to look after her.

"That tasted _good_!" she exclaimed, spinning towards the table and peering into the cauldron.

"Hey! Get off!" Lauren objected, shoving her by the shoulder from the other side of the table.

I hurried forward and grabbed Santana, wrapping my arms around her.

"Don't do that!" I shouted. I gripped Santana tighter. I had to look after her. Lauren couldn't push her. That wasn't allowed. "That's against the rules!"

Lauren was saying something else, but she was looking kind of blurry. I turned to Santana instead. She was closer. She was clearer. I could see Santana. That was good, I needed to see her to look after her. She was surrounded by green. Everything around was green.

"Why's it green?" I whispered loudly, moving in so I was hugging Santana properly. This was good. If I was hugging her, I was looking after her. She was laughing - that was good too - but I couldn't hear her words. "Say again," I mumbled, turning my head so my ear was right in front of her mouth.

"It's not green, it's silver."

"Silver? Not it's not!"

"Silver! Silver, everywhere! Can't you see it?" she asked.

I turned, pulling her arms around me from behind and holding them there, leaning into her as I looked around the room. I saw something that wasn't green.

"Hey! Is that silver?" I called, pointing to the thing that was moving. No, it wasn't silver. It was blue. Why were there so many colours? It was easier when it was just green. I felt behind me, making sure Santana was still there. She was the important thing. The blue moved closer, and I recognised it. "Mike! The blue, it's Mike!" I shouted. Santana was laughing against my neck and I started laughing too, reaching out with my arms as he stumbled closer.

"Britt-an-tana!" he yelled, falling into me and hugging me tight.

I hugged him with one arm, but put my other arm behind me to hug Santana too. She couldn't feel left out. I felt something wet on my neck and realised I was being kissed - but who? Who was it? Santana? Blue Mike? She wouldn't like it if he was kissing me. I turned in the direction of the kisses to try and see, but my feet felt so heavy and I fell. Something around my waist caught me, and then I was being pulled back up to face Santana, who was grinning. She was grinning so wide. Her smile was so pretty. She was so pretty. And her eyes. More than pretty, really. She was just beautiful. And she was the most important thing in the world. I had to remember that, but I didn't know how I could possibly forget.

"QUIDDITCH!"

The cry came from across the room and I almost fell again searching for it. There was more blurred green, and Blue Mike, and then some brown. Was the brown a person as well? It was moving, it must be.

"_Come on, hurry!_" the voice shouted. There were long things attached to its arm. Was it a monster? Was it one of those creatures Professor Sylvester had been talking about? I had to protect Santana!

"B-Britt, calm… s'okay," Santana voice came from behind me, and then I felt her arms again, still around me. I clutched at them, pressing back into her so she stumbled a few steps back before steadying us both. I should have known where she was! "It's… it's fun, okay? Or it must be fun. Quidditch is always fun. Right?"

She needed reassuring. I could do that. "Right."

"So let's _go_!"

She pushed forward and I tripped, but she held me up as we moved together towards the door. Quidditch, okay. That was what Santana wanted, to play quidditch. Something was in my hand. I peered at it, squinting, then gasped when I realised it was a broom. This was great! Quidditch with brooms! We were running, and this time I didn't trip. I ran right next to Santana - or as close as I could get - and then it was cold, and I realised we were outside. The green was gone, and it was just dark around. Santana was next to me still, getting on her broom, so I did the same, sad I had to let go of her hand to fly. Then we were off.

It was colder. It was like the cold was running into me, and the faster I flew the faster it ran. But I didn't go too fast because Santana was my job. I flew next to her. She was laughing again, flying in circles, so I flew in circles too.

"San… Santana, S'tana," I called, reaching out with one hand to try and grab her. My broom twisted and I almost fell, but then she was right beside me, pushing me back on. I found a handful of her top and pulled her closer, hunting out her lips. I couldn't find them at first. She kept laughing as I kissed her ear, and hair, and nose, and then I found them and kissed her properly, and she just kissed me back instead of laughing. There were hands in my hair and I hoped it was her hands, because if it was anyone else's that would be kind of weird. I opened my eyes to pull back from her face, then shuffled my broom closer and carefully lifted a leg. The cold was running into me again so I reached out for Santana to hold me steady. She was talking, but I concentrated on my leg. Then my other leg. Then… _yes_.

"This s'better," I hummed against her lips as I settled on her broom facing her, my legs dangling over hers and my arms around her waist. We were kissing again when something loud and screechy sounded from below. Santana pulled back with a gasp but I tried to lean in again. She wouldn't let me though. I frowned, moving my kisses to her neck instead.

"Britt… Britt we gotta go. Down, I mean. We need to be down."

"But why…?" I sighed, continuing to kiss her.

"I think… I think someone's hurt."

I frowned more, pulling back to look at her face. She wasn't laughing at all now. It wasn't a joke. Then there was a shout, and another shout. I didn't know what the first word was, but the second was Santana's name.

"Okay, okay. I… uh…"

I tried to turn to look for my broom, but everything started spinning.

"W-wait, no. We'll just… go down. Both of us."

"What? But that was-"

"Hold on," she ordered.

I leaned into her, tightening my arms and burying my head into the crook of her neck, feeling the cold start to run again as we moved. There was a bump, and then she was moving again. Not the broom, though, just her.

"Let go, Britt."

I lifted my head to squint over her shoulder and saw dark green again. The colours were a bit clearer now, with blue and yellow on the stadium wall I was staring at.

"_Santana, hurry up!_"

That was Puck. Right? I moved to the side and tumbled straight off the broom onto the grass, but Santana was already helping me up and pulling me in the opposite direction. I hung onto her as we ran, and then I saw Puck and Azimio and Mike and Lauren all standing on the side of the pitch.

"Took your fucking time!" Azimio yelled. He was kneeling, I saw, not standing. Then I saw something else on the floor with him. I leaned forward, Santana holding me up, and gasped when I realised it was Karofsky, not moving.

"What happened?" Santana demanded, dropping down to the floor as well next to him. I followed, trying to straighten my head as I did, but everything was still kind of blurred and I felt dizzy.

"He flew straight into one of the towers."

"What're we gonna do?" Mike asked. I could hear him breathing really loud.

"Teacher," I whispered. That's who we always got when someone hurt themselves in quidditch practice.

"We'll get expelled," Lauren replied immediately.

"But… but he's hurt! He's…"

I reached out to prod his arm. Nothing happened.

"Someone do magic!"

Mike turned away, muttering under his breath with his head in his hands, his shoulders moving really quickly up and down. I stared at him for a moment before turning back to look around the circle of people.

"We can't," Santana whispered. I shuffled around to face her, reaching out for her hand straight away when I saw her face. She was upset. I was doing terribly at looking after her. "It'll go wrong."

"W-what?"

Puck groaned, his wand dropping to the ground next to me as he turned away as well.

"Remember, Britt. Think. They told us. It's dangerous. That's what they always say, doing magic and jara. Things go wrong. We could hurt him worse."

"Then what do we do?" I asked. I could my voice was higher than usual as I stared at Santana, hanging onto her by her shoulders now. I wasn't sure when I'd moved my hands.

"I don't… I can't think… Everything feels weird."

"Think, Santana. Try really hard," I said, gripping her shoulders tighter.

She nodded, her eyes on the ground. Her breathing slowed, and it helped me breathe a bit calmer too.

"Kurt."

"What?"

"No!" Azimio bellowed, lumbering forward. I leaped up in front of Santana, one hand held out to stop him. He stumbled to a halt, staring at my hand in confusion. Santana brushed against my back as she stood.

"He's been trained. At St. Mungo's. He'll know what to do. Lauren, can you get me in?"

"Yep."

"Okay, let's go!"

"Wait!" I called, spinning around to reach out for Santana. "You can't go alone!

"What?"

She was moving a little from side to side, and I struggled to focus.

"We look out for each other, remember? I have to go with you."

"Britt, it'll be quicker if it's just me and Lauren-"

"No, n-no, I have to come," I insisted, stepping even closer. I couldn't slow down my breathing now. She couldn't go off without me! I had to look after her! That was what we'd said!

"I swear I'll be back as soon as I can. Please wait here."

She pulled out of my grip and was running away with Lauren before I could do anything.

"But- wait! Santana!" I shouted. A hand suddenly clamped over my mouth and I tried to yank away, still trying to yell but this time for help. This was why we shouldn't be apart!

"Brittany, you've gotta calm down, you're going to wake the teachers!" Puck hissed from behind me. I took a gasping breath when I realised it was only him, but I couldn't stop shaking. This wasn't right, Santana should be with me. I should be with her. That was how it was meant to work.

Everything slowed down. Things weren't blurring together as much, but the colours were still strong. Puck let me go after a while and went over to Mike instead. I didn't know what Azimio was doing. I sat on the ground, picking at grass and watching the castle. Sometimes it moved, like it was a ship on the sea. I wondered how everyone could sleep in there while it was tilting so much. Seconds ticked by, but Santana still didn't come back. I started to worry. I really should have gone with her. Maybe I should go look for her? What if she was in trouble? What if she needed my help? I put my hands out to the ground, putting all my weight on them as I climbed to my feet, but when I looked up again I could see figures running across the quidditch pitch. I grinned brightly and ran forward, quickly stopping when Kurt ran past me, almost knocking me over again.

"Santana!" I called, managing to turn back towards her. She caught me by the hand as she hurried past, pulling me back towards Karofsky. I'd forgotten he was there. I'd been worrying too much about Santana.

"You took so long! I thought something'd happened!" I told her, but she motioned at me to be quiet as we arrived at the side of the pitch again. Azimio was arguing with Kurt, and Santana stepped forward with her wand out in the hand that wasn't holding mine.

"Would you rather be expelled?"

He glared at her.

"Good. Shut up, and let Kurt help."

Kurt was already waving his wand above Karofsky, muttering spells I didn't know.

"Is he gonna be okay?" I whispered, but he hushed me too. I clung onto Santana. I wasn't going to let her go again. I'd go with her into the Forbidden Forest if she wanted to. I couldn't think of a reason she'd want to do that though, so I tried to work out what Kurt was doing. Whenever someone tried to speak he told them to be quiet. Mike came over as well from where he'd been standing alone. Finally Kurt stood, holding out a hand to motion us back.

"I'm going to wake him now. He might be disoriented."

I watched, shuffling as close as I could to Santana as Kurt knelt down again and pointed his wand at Karofsky one last time.

Karofsky's eyes snapped open and I jumped. Then he turned to Kurt and his fist went flying out. Suddenly everyone was shouting and Santana pulled away from me again, yelling as well and waving her wand about. Kurt was on the floor and Puck was holding Karofsky back and Azimio was trying to pull Puck off, and I didn't know what to do. I reached out for Kurt and yanked him to his feet, almost falling over again as I did. He was breathing just as fast as me, but I didn't know if he was actually shaking or if that was just my eyes being weird again.

"Get your head sorted, Karofsky, he was helping you!" Santana was screaming.

"Yeah, leaning right over my face, that's sure _helping_!" Karofsky bellowed back. "Who knows what else he'd-"

"Shut up you guys, do you want us caught?" Lauren snapped from behind me.

I spun around and wondered if she'd been there the whole time. Everyone went quiet at the reminder. I realised I was hanging onto Kurt now and let go of his wrist quickly. His other hand was held to his face, and he looked really upset.

Santana suddenly appeared at my side, her wand still out. At least she wasn't shouting anymore. I'd let go of her again though! She turned to scowl at Karofsky.

"You're so fucking ungrateful, Karofsky. After everything you've done to Kurt he still helps you, and you say thanks by punching him?"

"What are you gonna do, huh? Kick me off the team as well? Good luck finding another beater."

"You think I won't? I-"

"Leave it, Santana."

She turned at the same time as me to look at Kurt. He looked more angry than upset this time.

"…What? He just-"

"Leave it. He's not worth the effort, and you all need to sober up before you do anything else stupid. I'm going to bed. You should too," he said shortly, before turning around and walking away. Lauren fell into step with him, then Mike hurried after them.

I looked at Santana. She was watching Karofsky again, still scowling. I found her little finger with mine.

"We should go. I don't like this," I whispered.

Her jaw tightened but she nodded, and then turned. I moved with her, glancing back once to make sure Karofsky wasn't following. I still had to try and look after her. We reached the edge of the stadium, and she switched to holding hands. We walked to the castle together like that, and she didn't even pull away when Lauren looked back. Every time I stumbled she was ready to catch me and lift me back to my feet. We got to the Entrance Hall and she paused, looking across at me. I tried to smile, but it was hard when all I could think about was how I hadn't managed to look after her very well. She'd just been looking after me the whole time.

"Are you okay?" I whispered.

She nodded, but she didn't look okay. She looked like she might cry.

"I don't want to go to our dorms. Do you?"

She shook her head, sniffing as she did so. Her hand was squeezing mine so hard it was starting to hurt.

"Our room?"

"Our room sounds great," she whispered back. Her voice sounded a bit funny, so I smiled again before leading her up the stairs. Now it was my turn to look after her.

* * *

><p><strong>In case people can't remember, the drug mentioned in this is the same one I made up for chapter 15, which is legal for over-16s in the wizarding world but completely banned at Hogwarts.<strong>


	32. Hit Witch

**Chapter 32: Hit Witch**

_January, Seventh Year_

"This is rubbish!" Brittany exclaimed, dropping the leaflet back on the table with a huff and leaning right back on the sofa, her arms folded.

"You can't find anything?" I asked softly.

She frowned. "It's not that. I'm not good enough! They all want Es and Os and I'm never going to get those grades! Maybe Muggle Studies, but what's the point in that? No one wants Muggle Studies!"

I sighed, dropping my own leaflet on entry-level Ministry jobs and shuffling over to sit next to her instead of opposite. I looked down at the papers scattered in front of her, picking out one that seemed promising - _Welsh Green Keepers_.

"What about this?"

She glanced at it, but shook her head straight away.

"They want Os in Care of Magical Creatures and Defence Against the Dark Arts."

"Oh… uh…" I searched again, pushing them aside with one hand while my other found hers and squeezed a little. As I browsed, flicking a few leaflets open, I started to realise just how right Brittany was - everything she was interested in wanted far higher grades than she was going to get, or lower grades in subjects she wasn't taking. Neither of us had really been thinking about jobs when we chose our NEWTs, even though the teachers kept going on about how important it was. For me it didn't matter, because I was taking more than most people anyway. But Brittany was taking less, and they weren't exactly the most academic subjects. I looked over at my pile for inspiration, and quickly straightened. "Hey! What about that department at the Ministry! You know, the one where they talk with muggles all the time?"

"No vacancies. It's tiny, Professor Schuester says there'll be nothing there until someone retires."

I hated hearing her sound so defeated. I released the leaflets to wrap my arm around her shoulder instead. There were other people about, but I was doing my best to care less about them.

"Come on Britt, there's gotta be something. We just have to find it, yeah? Didn't Professor Schue suggest anything else?"

"He said maybe I should look for muggle jobs since I could get away with pretending to be one."

My mouth dropped open at her words.

"That's… _Ugh_, ignore him. We're going to find something and you're going to love it, alright? He doesn't have a clue what you're capable of."

She gave a tiny nod, but she wouldn't look at me. I wasn't sure if she believed me or if she was just nodding because she didn't want to argue. I opened my mouth to reassure her again, but I jumped instead when loud chimes started sounding to mark 11am. I was late.

"I'm sorry, Britt, but I've got to go. Keep looking though, okay? I'll be back soon," I promised. I turned around as I climbed off the sofa, leaning in to kiss her lightly on the cheek. To anyone else it would probably just look like I was whispering, but it still made me nervous that someone might see. I pulled back quickly. She was trying to smile, but she couldn't get rid of the sadness in her expression completely. "Back soon," I repeated as I stepped away, scooping up a couple of leaflets I'd placed to the side and turning away reluctantly. I should have left five minutes before, but at least Professor Sylvester's office was close. I turned around one corner and found her door already swung open - waiting for me. I walked through and tried not to wince at the expression on her face.

"Got a job already worked out, Lopez? Don't need my advice?"

"Sorry," I muttered, dropping into the chair in front of her desk and placing the leaflets carefully on the edge. She scooped them up immediately.

"Curse breaker? You'll be in hospital within an hour, you haven't got the patience," she informed me coolly, tossing that leaflet into the bin next to her desk. It burst into flames. "The goblins will hate you, don't even try at Gringotts," she added a moment later. More paper flew into the bin and its contents continued to burn until only two leaflets were left in her hand. I was relieved that both were for the Ministry - at least my parents would be pleased. She leaned back in her chair, looking at me over the top of them. "Can't really see you working at a desk, Lopez."

I shrugged, a little uncomfortable. "Well I can't be an auror. I didn't take Potions. Basically everything else at the Ministry is a desk job."

"Have you considered professional quidditch?"

"Um… I don't think my parents will be up for that," I muttered. I hated having to take that into account, but I had enough other battles with them. Playing a game as a job would definitely be in their most-hated career paths for me - possibly only topped by writing for the Quibbler.

"Well the scouting day is in April if you change your mind," Professor Sylvester said, passing over another leaflet. "As for within the Ministry… there is the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad. You'll need at least an E in Charms and O in Transfiguration to enter training for that. The Invisibility Task Force has some practical work, but not until you've been there for a few years. And then the Magical Law Enforcement Squad - the hit wizards and witches are the most similar to aurors if you are interested in that."

"Oh, yeah," I agreed immediately, sitting up straighter. I hadn't even thought about them. Everyone always focused on being an auror, and I'd done the same until I realised it wasn't a possibility. It was kind of surprising how helpful Professor Sylvester was being, now she was done tearing down all my other options. "Do I have a chance at getting into that? Is there a training scheme?"

"Yes, I understand it lasts for one year… Here," she said, passing me a catalogue labelled _Ministry Law Enforcement_. "An E in Defence Against the Dark Arts and at least three other NEWTs. More competency tests, which you should have no trouble with so long as you can get your patronus into more than just a whiff of muggle cigarette smoke. The first round is next month. If you want to be registered for it there's an application in that catalogue, owl it in the next few days."

"Thanks," I said, already flicking through to find it and beginning to scan the form. Expected NEWT grades, OWL results, criminal record release – it was lucky I hadn't been caught shoplifting that one time - questions about adaptability and reasons for applying. It would take a bit of time, but… I could totally do it. This was perfect. A job in the Ministry, but with adventure too.

"Well, since you don't seem to need my advice anymore you can go." My head jerked up, but Professor Sylvester was already pulling out a bundle of essays from her desk drawer. "Do I need to tell you twice? Go!"

I jumped up, collecting all the new papers I had in front of me and leaving quickly. One of the leaflets slipped out of my hand as I started back towards the common room, and as I knelt to pick it up again I paused. It was the quidditch one. Brittany was an amazing seeker. Surely she'd stand a chance at that?

She was where I'd left her on the sofa, except now she was just stroking Lord Tubbington instead of looking through the leaflets. I had no idea how he got into Slytherin on his own, but somehow he always managed it. She scooped up a poster from next to her leg the moment she saw me, looking a bit guilty, but I ignored that as I dropped down next to her.

"Here, look at this."

She took the leaflet, her eyes widening a little as she read.

"Mike was talking about this yesterday," she said slowly. "He's going to the trials. I just… I don't know if I'm good enough. Professor Schue never mentioned it."

"That's 'cause he's an idiot, I already told you. You're easily good enough - you've got the record for catching the snitch the fastest, not Mike. You should go for it Brittany, this is perfect."

"I… yeah," she murmured, still reading but – finally – with a smile on her face. "I think I will. Oh, but how did it go with Professor Sylvester?" she asked, quickly returning her attention to me.

I grinned, passing her the catalogue. "You're looking at a future hit witch."

I waited for an exclamation of delight that I'd worked it out, but it didn't come. Instead, her face fell.

"…Hit witch?"

"What's wrong with that?"

"It's… isn't that really dangerous?"

"I mean, it is a little. But that's part the excitement! And you know me, I can look after myself," I pointed out, smiling again. "Come on, Britt, it's perfect! Just loads of duelling all the time, but I get paid for it!"

"But you could get hurt! They… they have reserved beds at St. Mungo's!" she protested. Lord Tubbington jumped off her lap, stalking towards the fire.

I tried to reassure her. "I'm sure it's not as bad as they make out. That's probably just a myth."

"I won't be able to look after you…"

I sighed, reaching for her hands, but she pulled them away. I hesitated, watching her face. She wouldn't look at me, and she was biting her lip.

"I don't want you to do that, Santana. I don't want you hurt. You'll be gone all the time and I won't be there to make sure you're okay," she said quietly, still watching the other side of the room.

"Brittany, I can't have just a boring desk job. I'll go crazy. I need to _do_ something."

"But aren't there other jobs?" she demanded, spinning back to me. Wide blue eyes were suddenly looking straight at me. "Other jobs, that are exciting? Why'd you have to go for the most dangerous one?"

"It's not the most dangerous, aurors have a worse time."

"But they get more training! And you can't do that anyway, you're just doing the most dangerous thing you _can_ do."

"Well I'll get training too! They're not just going to throw me in there!" I snapped back without meaning to. She looked away again, and I regretted it immediately. I tried to shuffle a little closer, lowering my voice. "Maybe they won't even accept me. But I really want to do this. I need to apply at least, okay? Anyway, I have to tell mamá I'm doing something."

"Fine." I barely heard her, she said it so quietly. She turned back to me, and I felt a moment of hope until I saw her expression. She was still upset. "Can I at least keep the catalogue? Read it tonight, so I know what they say about it?" she asked.

I sighed. "Sure." Maybe once she read it she'd be less hysterical about it. Or possibly more… I'd just have to wait and see, and hope for the best. She'd come around eventually.

* * *

><p><em>Three days later<em>

"Where is it, Brittany?"

"I thought I gave it to you already?"

"No, you definitely did _not_."

I was trying very hard to stop myself yelling, but it was hard when she was being so purposely difficult.

"Well Lord Tubbington must have stolen it, then."

"Don't _do_ that with me, Brittany!" I shouted, losing my internal battle with that last line. Did she really think I was going to fall for her playing dumb technique? "You can't stop me applying by pretending to lose the catalogue! I'll just go get another one, so you might as well give it to me!"

"I don't know where it is!" she protested.

I knew she was lying, and she knew it. I spun away from her, shoving the door of her dorm so hard it slammed with a bang against the outer wall. I walked briskly out of the Hufflepuff common room, knocking into Artie as I passed him. Thinking of him worsened my mood even more. He thought he could just start being friends with Brittany again, like nothing had happened?

I walked to dinner alone, making a mental note to find Professor Sylvester later and get a new catalogue afterwards. I couldn't believe Brittany. Why say she was fine with it and then pretend to lose the form I needed to apply? That wasn't like her at all, saying something and then doing the opposite - at least, it wasn't like her when she was with me. When someone bumped into me I was just about ready to hex them across the Entrance Hall, but I released my wand immediately when I saw Kurt in front of me. I still owed him. We all did, even if Karofsky and Azimio were denying it.

"Sorry," I muttered.

He shrugged, giving me a much brighter smile than I'd been receiving from him since the jara incident last week. He'd put some paste on the black eye Karofsky gave him that had made it fade within a day, but I still felt a bit guilty whenever I looked at him. I'd been the one to convince him to come, thinking that maybe it was a chance to finally settle things between them. I should have known Karofsky would react badly.

"What's got you so happy?" I asked curiously as we walked into the Great Hall together.

He grinned wider. "Blaine came to Hogsmeade over the weekend to look over my St. Mungo's application. I just sent it off."

I laughed, glad for the distraction. "So are you happy because of the application, or because you got to see Blaine?" I teased. "He stay the night?"

For once Kurt didn't blush – not too much, anyway – and just lifted his chin, a smile playing at his lips.

"I refuse to let you tarnish my wonderful weekend."

I laughed again, pausing when I realised I was walking towards the Gryffindor table. He grinned as he glanced back at me.

"You _can_ sit with us. We don't bite. Unless of course you have a prior engagement with one Miss Pierce."

I sighed at the reminder, rolling my eyes as I started walking again.

"Nope, no obligations there," I muttered, ignoring the curious gazes being sent my way as I sat next to Kurt. I didn't really recognise anyone sitting nearby except for Sam, who waved cheerily.

"Trouble in paradise?" Kurt asked, reaching for some shepherd's pie.

I opened my mouth to respond, but didn't have a chance before I was silenced by the sight of Brittany entering the Great Hall - with Artie right next to her. Was she seriously trying to do everything possible to annoy me today?

"Oh," Kurt whispered next to me.

"Yup," I replied shortly, snatching the serving spoon from him to get my own portion. "Suddenly they're friends again." It was easier to moan about that than explain the job thing as well.

I really didn't understand it, though. Brittany hadn't spoken to him properly in over a year - at least, not when I'd been about. Maybe she'd just been hiding it from me. But why would she do that? She loved _me_, not him. So _why _had she been disappearing all weekend and then turning up with him?

"She's just being friendly, I'm sure."

"Why? We leave in five months. What's the point in getting friendly again now?"

"It's Brittany, she probably just doesn't want to leave things on a bad note."

"I don't want to talk about it," I snapped, shovelling a forkful of shepherd's pie into my mouth. For the rest of the meal I ate in silence, glaring across at the Hufflepuff table and willing her to look at me, so she would see that I was upset. She didn't, though. She talked and laughed with Artie for the whole meal and didn't turn once. The moment I was done with my food, I stood. I couldn't stand watching them a moment longer.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning," I muttered to Kurt.

He nodded and lifted a hand to wave goodbye. I was glad he hadn't tried to force me into conversation about Brittany - especially in front of all these people. I glanced over at Brittany one last time, but she still wasn't looking. I turned and left.

* * *

><p>As much as I searched the Slytherin table while trying to listen to what Artie was saying, I couldn't find Santana there. I'd figured she'd have come straight to dinner, but I was a bit worried now that I didn't know where she was. I hadn't meant to make her so upset. I just couldn't think of any other way to make my plan work without lying to her. But I hadn't lied well enough, so now she was mad at me. I sighed, and Artie touched me lightly on the shoulder.<p>

"You okay?"

I shrugged. I didn't want to try lying again.

"Are you sure you're still up for tonight? We can do it tomorrow instead if you want."

"No, I need as much practice as possible. And the form needs sending soon, and that's going to take ages."

"Don't worry so much about that, you'll have a perfect application once I'm done with it. Let's just concentrate on the spells, yeah?"

"Okay," I agreed, dropping my spoon onto my plate. I wasn't that hungry anyway, and I noticed Artie had finished his pasta. "Can we go now?"

"Sure," he said with a friendly smile.

I helped him out from the bench and we left the Great Hall together, climbing the stairs to return to the abandoned classroom we'd been practicing in all weekend. I wasn't sure if I'd improved at all, but Artie said I had to be patient and I'd get there eventually. I had to, if I had any chance of being able to look after Santana like I wanted to.

"What do you want to do, more protego?" he asked as we entered the room. All the tables were pushed to the side and some looked as though they might fall apart, but at least we'd got rid of most of the dust.

I thought for a moment, then shook my head. "I think I want to try a patronus. Because I know that's on the test, Santana mentioned it. Something about visiting Azkaban a lot."

He frowned, crossing his arms in front of him. "I… look, Brittany, I don't want to interfere. I know this is between you and Santana. But are you _really_ sure you want to do this? Hit witches don't exactly have an easy job, and I can't imagine you around dementors. And it's dangerous, you could get hurt. I don't want to be visiting you in St. Mungo's."

"But that's why. I have to look after Santana," I replied simply, getting out my wand. He was still frowning, and I didn't know if he understood or not. But that didn't matter. He'd already agreed to help me practice for the tests. "Okay, so it's expecto patronum, right?"

He nodded, leaning against the wall. "And focus on the happy memory, remember?"

It shouldn't be too hard to find a happy memory. I thought back to a couple of weeks ago, when Santana had surprised me with flowers in the prefects' bathroom, making them float on top of the water. That had been really nice of her. I smiled, thinking back on it, then realised I had to do the spell as well. I held out my wand, trying to concentrate on both the words and flourish, as well as the memory. It was hard to think of everything at once. I opened one eye to watch my wand movements.

"Expecto patronum!"

Nothing happened.

"Expecto patronum!" I tried again, but with no luck. I didn't even get a wisp of white. Everyone in the class had managed at least that. If this spell was meant to be powered from happiness, surely I should be good at it? I had lots of happy thoughts and memories. "Why won't it work?" I asked, turning to Artie.

"Are you thinking of something happy enough? The memory has to be really strong. And you need to exaggerate the wand motions a little more - not too much, though."

I frowned, flicking through memories with Santana. Just being around her made me happy, how was I supposed to pick one memory? I thought of what had happened recently, and one stood out in particular - at Christmas, when she'd told me about telling her mum. I grinned. "Okay, I've got a better one. And like this?" I redid the wand motion a little bigger.

"Almost. A bit higher."

I tried again.

"Yeah, just like that! Now try the real spell."

I closed my eyes, then opened them again. I wasn't sure which was better. Should I concentrate on the memory, or watch my wand movements? I settled for closing them halfway, but that really just meant I was squinting. Santana's words drifted in and out of my head as I made the motion a little slower, making sure to do it exactly the same as just now.

"Expecto patronum!" I shouted again. For a second I saw a silvery glow at the end of my wand and opened both eyes wide to see it better, but then it disappeared. "I had the wand movement right then didn't I?" I asked, spinning around to face Artie again.

"Yes, but… it must just be the memory," he told me with a slight shrug. "I didn't think you'd have any problem with that, you're always so happy, but - maybe that's why. You're happy most of the time, so you need an even better memory than everyone else. And you're concentrating too much on your wand as well. You have to let the memory fill you up inside."

I sighed, slumping against the wall next to him.

"Can I see you do it?"

"Uh, I guess," he said, standing up properly to move into the centre of the room. He took a deep breath, his shoulders relaxing and eyes closing as he raised his wand. I held my breath as I watched him just stand there for several seconds before starting to make the wand movement, faster than I had.

"Expecto patronum!"

A pure white Labrador burst from his wand and gambolled across the room. The edges of it were much mistier than Professor Sylvester's patronus, and it only lasted a few seconds before dissolving into mist, but it was still way better than anything I had managed.

"That's amazing," I whispered. "I don't… I don't understand why I can't do it. I'm _happy_. Am I just not good enough at magic?"

"No no, I'm sure that not it," Artie reassured me, hurrying over and tucking his wand away as he put an arm around me and smiled. "It's a hard spell, it just takes a while to get the hang of it. You'll get it eventually."

I sighed, resting my head on his shoulder.

"What if I can't? What if I fail the tests, and Santana has to do it all on her own? I'm meant to look after her," I mumbled. I was starting to think this was a stupid idea. What chance did I have of getting accepted as a hit witch? Just getting an E in Defence Against the Dark Arts seemed impossible, let alone passing all these extra tests even with Artie's help.

"That's not the Britt I know!" Artie objected. "You've got to be optimistic, yeah? We can't do patronuses while you're feeling like this. Come on, let's get the paperwork out of the way. Do you have it?"

I nodded, not replying verbally as I reached down to pull the catalogue out of my bag. I flipped to the back of it until I reached the many application forms.

"It's here, these three pages," I said, passing it over.

"Alright," he muttered, glancing over them. "Okay, this is gonna be fine. You just need to write what I tell you. Don't worry so much, Britt. You're going to have such an amazing application there's no way they'll turn you down," he promised with another wide grin.

I gave him a small smile, a little encouraged. Artie _was_ good with words. And we still had plenty of time to work on my spellwork.

"Okay," I said with a bigger smile, digging into my bag again for a quill and ink jar. No matter how much work it took, no matter how hard it was, I was going to be a hit witch right next to Santana. Maybe quidditch would be easier, and more fun, but I was going to protect her just like I was meant to.


	33. My Girl

**Chapter 33: My Girl**

_February, Seventh Year_

"Incendio!"

The chair burst into flames.

"Oppugno!"

It shifted suddenly, flying across the room towards me, but before it could get near enough I shouted again.

"Reducto!"

It was blasted to pieces, splinters tearing all around the room but none of them getting through my shield charm. When the last block of wood rolled to a halt across the floor, I released the spell and let out a sigh of relief. If that had gone wrong I'd have ended up in the Hospital Wing, but I had to know for sure that I was up to scratch to reassure myself. I'd read everything I could about these tests and I knew I had to have both defensive and offensive spells ready to show off. But I was ready. I'd been practicing for weeks, and I was ready.

It would have been great if Brittany could have helped me practice, at least this last time when it was so close, but she was off with Artie again. The only good thing I had to say about that was that now he was fighting Rory for Sugar, at least neither of them were actively trying to flirt with Brittany. He was still keeping her away from me though. The fact that Brittany refused to properly answer my questions made it worse. She'd eventually told me it was just a surprise and I'd have to wait and see. That made me feel a little better, but didn't completely ease my anxiety. I knew she didn't want me to take these tests, but it still wasn't nice completely lacking her support while I was practicing.

A quick wave of my wand sent the splinters and dust into the waiting bin at the side of the room and I picked up my bag, making sure to close the door behind me as I left. I didn't want any of the teachers realising I'd destroyed a chair while training. Detention would not be a good way to celebrate my success. I set off down the stairs, across the Entrance Hall and through corridors until I reached Professor Sylvester's office.

"Decided to be early for once, then?" she commented dryly, not bothering to get up. "Well go on. If you can't work out floo for yourself you haven't got a hope of passing today." She gestured to the pot of floo powder on her desk and I took a scoop, throwing it into the fireplace. The flames immediately turned a deep green and grew massively so they were flickering right in front of my eyes.

"Ministry of Magic!" I said loudly, tightening my hand around the strap of my bag and stepping straight into the flames. I was spinning fast, keeping my arms close to my sides. The moment I felt it start to slow I stepped forward, stumbling a little when my foot slipped on the polished wooden floor.

"Name and business?"

I blinked blearily, stepping further away from the fireplace to find a bored-looking woman sitting in a kiosk labelled _Visitors' Floo_ staring down at me. Beyond her the rest of the atrium was buzzing with activity, and I could hear the giant fountain even though it was right down the other side of the hall.

"Uh, Santana Lopez. Hit witch tests."

I half-expected to get some sort of glance of recognition considering my surname, but the woman didn't even blink. She tapped a badge with her wand and passed it over the counter to me.

"Wand?"

I pulled it out of my pocket and passed it over, dropping it straight into the libra used to test it. I'd visited the Ministry enough times before to be used to this at least, even if I was normally with my mother. It was more unnerving that I'd been expecting, being here alone.

"Dragon heartstring, hawthorn, twelve inches?" she asked, still sounding as bored as before as she stared at the readings from the libra. I nodded, and a moment later received my wand back. "Take the lift to Level Two, you're in Testing Room D."

I stepped past her kiosk to walk a short distance down the hall to the nearest lift, squeezing in between two older men carrying stacks of paperwork. One of them peered down at me and smiled, and I realised with some surprise that it was Quinn's dad.

"Hello, Santana. Come to take your hit witch tests?"

"How'd you know about that?" I asked as the lift started moving. I hadn't really told too many people in case it went wrong - I'd only mentioned it to Quinn yesterday, and she didn't exactly owl home frequently.

"Your grandmother told me, of course. Don't worry, she's had words with your tester, they won't throw anything too nasty at you," he said with a wink.

I nodded, forcing a smile, but I was starting to feel a bit sick. What if the tester resented me for having my relatives interfere? Didn't abuela realise I wanted to do this on my own, not with her help? And what if I failed anyway, even after she'd spoken to them? No, it would be okay. I'd practiced loads.

"This is you," Mr. Fabray prompted, and I realised with a jolt that the doors were open on Level Two. "Good luck! I'll find out from Alma or Carlotta how you got on!"

"Thanks," I muttered, stepping out.

I walked slowly down the corridor, following the signs for the testing rooms until finally I was in front of one door with an ornately carved metal 'D' stuck to it. I took a deep breath, then raised my hand to rap firmly. The door swung open almost straight away, and suddenly my nerves were replaced with shock at the sight of a tall, dark-haired man grinning down at me.

"Santana! Come in, come in."

"I… Jason?" I murmured as I walked through the doorway. I hadn't seen him at all since he'd left Hogwarts two years ago. I didn't even know he was working at the Ministry. I turned my head, looking for anyone else, but it was just him and a few mannequins at the other end of the room. "You're testing me?"

"Yep!" he replied cheerily, turning around once the door was closed to grin at me some more. "Great job with the Slytherin team by the way, you've done me proud."

I nodded, managing to smile back as I dropped my bag on one of the tables and fished out the paperwork. I passed it to him but he didn't even glance at it, just smiled at me.

"Let's get started with the interesting stuff, yeah? How's your patronus?"

I nodded straight away, my confidence returning a little as I picked my wand out of my pocket and turning away from him to summon my chosen memory. It had been easy, really, once I'd thought of the right moment. Brittany's words, Brittany's kisses, on the lawn that night I'd told her I loved her. How she'd whispered back to me between tears.

_I love you too._

Warmth ran through me as I focused on her. The words repeated in my head over and over, and I couldn't help but smile as I raised my wand.

"Expecto patronum!"

A shimmering leopard leapt from the end of my wand, snarling silently as it began to stalk around the room. The silvery edges were crisp and it almost looked like a real leopard in the room with us rather than a patronus. My eyes flicked over to Jason, who looked somewhat impressed, and suddenly I was filled with my earlier confidence once more. This was going to be just fine. It was just showing off to Jason like I always used to, trying to one-up him. And I was going to do everything I could to prove to him that I was worthy of becoming a hit witch and do my family proud. By the time this test was over, they'd be begging to take me on.

* * *

><p>I raced down the hallway, knocking into people and not bothering to apologise. Adrenaline was still rushing through me, and there was only one person I wanted to share my victory with. I just had to hope she would be proud of what I'd managed to do and not just upset that I was one step closer to being a hit witch. But where was she?<p>

My hands were shaking so much with excitement I almost got the barrel tapping combination wrong, but finally I was inside the Hufflepuff common room and peering about. She wasn't there, so I walked straight across the room and through into the corridor leading to the dorms. Except her dorm was completely empty. I checked the bathroom, but she wasn't even in there. I frowned, heading back out again and quickly locating Sugar curled up with Rory on one of the sofas, Róisín and Lord Tubbington playing at their feet.

"Hey, where's Brittany?" I asked, staring down at her and ignoring Rory. I'd been hoping he'd lose to Artie in their battle of affections for Sugar, just so Artie was out of the way more.

"Oh, she came in really upset earlier," Sugar said. "Artie was looking after her, they're in his dorm. I don't know why she was-"

I stopped listening, turning around to march to the opposite side of the room. I'd never been in the Hufflepuff boys' dorms before, but it was easy enough to work out which was which - they had exactly the same layout as the girls'. My happiness at passing the tests was rapidly dissipating as I stood outside the seventh year dorm, dreading what I might find inside. It was over between them. I knew that. I knew she loved me. So why was she in his dorm? Hadn't I been paying her enough attention? Had I been concentrating too much on practicing for the tests that I didn't notice something was wrong?

I lifted my hand and pushed the door open, stopping after only taking one step inside at the sight of Brittany curled up in Artie's arms. He saw me immediately and froze, but it was the sound of Brittany crying that stopped me grabbing my wand and hexing him away from her. I walked briskly across the room towards them and he pulled back looking nervous, but I didn't care about him. How could he think I cared about him, when Brittany was crying?

"Brittany, what is it? What happened?" I whispered, reaching out for her and glad that Artie relinquished his hold of her immediately.

She blinked, jerking a bit under my touch until she met my eyes, but then she was burying her head against my shoulder, her fingers reaching out to clutch at my robes, mumbling something. I moved my head closer to hear.

"M'sorry…"

"What are you sorry for?" I asked, stroking her hair gently and settling down on the bed next to her. I glared at Artie over her shoulder and he climbed to his feet.

"Uh, I'll be in the common room if you want me, Britt."

Was he crazy? Why would she want him when I was here? She was shifting in my arms though, wiping at her face and sniffing as she looked up at him.

"Thanks, Artie. For everything."

I dismissed him anyway the moment the door swung shut behind him, turning back to Brittany. The tears were still fresh on her face and a few continued to leak from her eyes even as she tried to wipe them all away. I shifted my own hands up to grasp hers gently, leaning in to rest our foreheads together.

"What is it? Tell me."

"I…" She broke off again, pulling one hand from mine to try and stem the fresh tears. I wrapped that arm around her back instead, holding her close to me. "I wasn't good enough!"

"What do you mean? Who said that?" I asked as softly as I could, even though inside I was ready to pounce on whoever it was who'd made Brittany cry.

"Th-the tester. I… I wanted to do it with you. So then you could do what you wanted and I could look after you still. In hit witch training," she explained with another sniffle, and suddenly everything clicked in my head. "It's w-why I was with Artie, he was helping, b-but I failed anyway! I couldn't do a patronus!"

"You should've told me," I whispered, using our conjoined hands to cradle her face on one side. I'd been bitching at her in my head for spending time with Artie, when it was all just meant to be for me. I felt terrible. "I'd have helped."

"It was m-meant to be a surprise!" she moaned, starting to cry again with her head tilting down to rest against my shoulder.

"It's okay," I said, hugging her tightly to me. "It'll be okay. You've still got the quidditch, you're going to make an amazing quidditch player. And I haven't even got the job yet, remember? I might not even get in, it's only the first tests."

As she continued to cry in my arms I started to wonder if it was really such a good idea to go ahead with this, when it was already upsetting Brittany so much. But what else was I supposed to do that my parents would approve of? And what would abuela say if I dropped out now? I couldn't. I'd started this path, I had to take it as far as I could.

* * *

><p><em>2 weeks later<em>

The music was so loud it was hard to hear anything else, and the wall I was leaning on was vibrating slightly with the beat. It was dark, and there were people everywhere, but I was only focused on Brittany. She was lost in the music, and I'd have said she was completely unaware of her surroundings if it wasn't for the occasional sly glance in my direction and extra shake of her hips; her way of inviting me over. I didn't move though. I was feeling way too warm just _watching_ her dance like that - dancing with her I wouldn't be able to control myself, and I wouldn't even have alcohol to fall back on as an excuse this time. Someone knocked against me and I turned to yell at them, but stopped when I just found Puck holding out a drink. He grinned like he knew what I was thinking.

"Come on Santana, have a bit of liquid courage," he called, pushing the glass into my hand.

I lifted it to my nose - it smelt like firewhiskey mixed with something else, maybe pumpkin juice? I took a dubious sip, and found it was actually quite a nice combination.

"So when are you gonna stop these idiots leering over your girl?" he asked loudly.

I almost hit him, but then I realised no one else would be able to hear anyway unless they were right next to me. My eyes flicked across to Brittany again and found Puck was right - half the Gryffindor quidditch team was staring at her, and the sight made my stomach turn. Sam really needed to get better control over those guys. They had a terrible reputation. Weren't Gryffindors meant to be the brave, noble ones?

"They can look," I replied, a little more harshly than I intended. It wasn't nice watching them eye her like a piece of meat, despite what I was saying. "I'm the only one who gets to touch."

"If you say so. Just a matter of time till one of them tries that, though. If she was mine, I wouldn't let them get close enough to even try," he said, his eyebrows dancing a little.

I glared up at him. "Well it's different for us, isn't it?"

"If you say so. Oh, there's the first attempt."

My head twisted rapidly to see Brittany dancing easily away from the outstretched hand of one of the chasers. Her eyes were on me again, asking me to come over.

"You're really going to ignore her looking at you like that? She's begging you to come over and save her."

"What are you trying to do, Puck?" I snapped again, glancing at him once but finding it difficult to keep my gaze away from Brittany now I was aware of all those guys around her.

"It's just I hear guys talking sometimes, about you, and her. They come to me, and I'm always having to lie. There's only four months left at Hogwarts, how bad would it really be if everyone knew?"

I turned to stare at him, expecting to find the expression he always wore when he was telling a joke, but he looked completely serious. I heard a shout and spun back around to find Brittany. She wasn't smiling anymore. She was glaring at the short Gryffindor beater - Josh, was his name? - who was rolling his eyes as he spoke. She tried to turn away, but he caught hold of her elbow and pulled her back. I pushed my drink at Puck, glad he caught hold of it since I didn't really want to spill it down him, but he wasn't my concern. That bastard thought he could push around Brittany?

I shoved my way through the crowd, working my way through to Brittany surprisingly easily and quickly wrapping an arm around her waist, glaring up at Josh.

"Got a problem?" I demanded, fingers pressing tightly into her side. I could feel her relaxing a little in my hold.

"Yeah, I do actually. What the fuck's her problem? It's a fucking dance, not a goddamn proposal."

"Well she doesn't want to dance, so back off."

He was already rolling his eyes and turning back to Brittany.

"Come on, Pierce, it's not like you've ever been fussy before about who you shag. You're single, I'm single, what's the big deal?" he argued, one hand reaching out again.

She jerked back and I grabbed his arm, nails digging in as I shoved it back towards him.

"She's not single," I snapped, before I had time to think properly about my words.

Brittany tensed a little beside me, and Josh raised his eyes, stepping closer to me instead. His eyes dropped and I felt suddenly uncomfortable. Brittany's fingers rested gently at the top of my shoulder blade, and I tried to focus on that rather than the feel of his eyes on me. My arm dropped from around her waist so I could stand better between them.

"Well what about you then, salsa? You've been turning away guys for months, you must be desperate by now," he said.

I slapped his hand away when he reached out but it just made him grin wider, and that infuriated me more. Couldn't he see? Couldn't he work out that neither of us would ever look his way?

"I'm doing just fine, asshole," I growled, but he edged even closer like it was an invitation.

Brittany was pressing harder against my back now, her fingers curled around my shoulders and whispering in my ear, trying to keep me calm. I didn't understand why. Would anyone really be upset if I punched him now? I could hear her breathing, though. Beneath her panicked words she was breathing fast. She was scared.

"You're lying. What's the matter, is the mighty Santana Lopez scared? I swear I'll go easy on you. The first time, anyway. What about you, huh blondie?"

"You're not going anywhere near her!" I yelled, almost slipping out of Brittany's hold as I tried to step forward. Her hands tightened just in time.

"Don't think you really get a say in that though, do you Lopez?" he taunted, and I had to slap his hand away again when it danced out towards me. Why wouldn't he fucking leave us alone?

"Wanna bet?" I challenged, only to regret it when he leered closer. I could feel her face right next to mine, muttering that she just wanted to leave and he wasn't worth it. I caught sight of Puck out of the corner of my eye, watching us intently. His words came back to me.

_How bad would it really be if everyone knew?_

I spun around, slipping out of her hold on my shoulders. I stood on tiptoes, lifted one hand to the side of her face, and kissed her.

She gasped into my mouth but I didn't let up, pressing my lips harder against hers until she was kissing back. Her nails were digging into the skin on my arm and I squeezed her lightly around the waist, keeping my other hand resting on her cheek as I kissed her. I didn't want it to end. As soon as it ended, I'd have to deal with what I'd just done. But wrapped up in Brittany, I didn't have to think about it. I kissed her and kissed her, embracing the feel of her lips on mine.

She pulled back too soon. I reluctantly opened my eyes to see her grinning down at me. I hadn't seen her look so happy since Christmas, when I'd told her about mamá, and for a moment I felt happy. But then her gaze flicked past me and I remembered Josh. I remembered everyone else around. I could feel them watching. They wouldn't look away. What were they hoping for, some sort of show?

Josh's voice sounded snidely from behind me. "I can work with that."

The same anger from before suddenly rose up and expanded into fury and I spun again, lifting both hands to shove him backwards.

"She's mine, okay? She's my girl and you don't get to fucking touch her, alright? Don't fucking come near us! And you!" I twisted to scowl at the other Gryffindor boys I knew had been watching the whole time. "All of you! Get it into your tiny brains, it's not gonna happen. She's mine, and I'm hers, and we're not interested in any of you so just stop!"

I was breathing hard, but no one said a word. No one. The music was still on, but no one was paying attention to it. Everyone was still. Everyone was looking at me. Looking at us. Now it felt like I couldn't breathe at all. What had I done? Something knocked my wrist and I jerked away, but then I felt a hand take mine and I turned back to find Brittany smiling at me again. That was it. That was what I had to focus on. This was for her. Everything was for her. She tugged and my feet moved. The crowd parted for us, and I could hear the whispers start with my first step. Josh was yelling something after us but I couldn't make out what. I kept my eyes trained on Brittany. A hand fell on my shoulder and I jumped, but it was only Puck, winking at me and saying something about it taking me long enough. I couldn't answer him. I couldn't believe what I'd just done.

We were in a different room now - the room with the trapdoor. No one there could have heard, but it felt like they were still looking. Looking, judging. I couldn't do anything except follow Brittany.

We were in the tunnel before I realised, and the lack of people helped me breathe again. I pulled on her hand after about a minute and she stopped, turning so that I could see that wonderful smile of hers again. It wasn't enough, though. I couldn't stop thinking of how they'd looked at me. Not just me, though, it was us. She was going to suffer too.

I stumbled to the side of the tunnel, resting my back on the wall and not caring about getting my dress dirty. I squeezed my eyes shut, but immediately had to open them again to find Brittany. She was approaching, her beaming expression shifting to one of more concern. I kept watching her as she got closer and closer, until her face was only centimetres away from mine.

"I love you."

The words calmed me more than anything else could have and I reached out desperately to pull her into me, hugging her tightly.

"What are they gonna do?" I whispered into her hair, clinging onto her as tight as I could without hurting her, my shoulders shaking a little as I tried to calm myself.

"We'll be okay. I have you, and you have me," she replied simply, her soft hands resting on my upper back, trying to still my trembling. She shifted, her lips moving to plant soft kisses on my neck. I melted a little more in her hold as the kisses travelled up to the side of my face, then my ear. "Thank you," she whispered, so quietly I barely heard her.

I let my eyes drift shut as she continued to kiss me. Her lips pressed softly to every part of my face, soothing me further. When she found my lips I kissed her back slowly, my hands running up and down her sides. Her hands started wandering too as her kisses became more insistent. I was breathing fast again but for a different reason, my hold on her tightening. Her teeth grazed my bottom lip and I let out a tiny whimper.

She'd pull back occasionally to whisper more thanks and praise for my "bravery", but as the minutes passed those intermissions became less frequent. She was pressing me hard against the wall and I could feel fingers shimmying underneath my dress and up the inside of my leg, inviting goosebumps to follow. I gasped when she made contact and panicked suddenly when I remembered where we were, trying to pull back, but it was impossible when she was so close. There was no space between us and I was backed up against the wall. But she sensed my reaction, and her mouth pulled back to pepper fresh kisses along my cheekbone.

"What is it, sweetie?" she murmured against my skin. Her hand had retreated back down my thigh a little, but her hips were still moving against mine in time with the distant bass and for a moment I considered dropping all my worries and just diving straight back in. But the beat of the music reminded me again that we weren't alone.

"Not here," I muttered. I realised my fingers were tracing the line of her zipper and dropped my hand to grab hers. I shifted to the side with some difficulty until I was away from the wall and started down the tunnel again, pulling her after me and turning so I was walking backwards, but facing her. She was grinning again and took two wide strides to catch up with me, then leaned in so her lips were brushing my ear as she whispered.

"I promise it'll be okay, Santana."

* * *

><p>She was right. It was okay.<p>

Well, it wasn't _great_.

When we appeared in the Slytherin common room together the next morning I was tempted to just leave immediately, with how much people were staring. They weren't even bothering to keep their whispers down as we passed. I tried to act like it was fine, but when Berry started congratulating me in the dorm while Niamh was watching, the only thing I could think to do was hex her. Brittany wasn't very happy about that, but she didn't say anything except the counter-spell.

Breakfast was worse. I didn't want to go. I wanted to sneak into the elf kitchens.

"Santana, you can't avoid meals for the rest of your time at Hogwarts," Brittany said as we stood in one of the lesser-known passages that led to the Great Hall.

"Watch me."

She sighed, turning to cup my face with both hands.

"It'll be okay, I told you. I'm gonna be with you the whole time. If I can't be a hit witch with you, I can at least pretend to be one here. I'll hex anyone who insults you," she said firmly.

"But Britt, you don't like hexing people."

"I'll just stop them speaking or something. Turn their robes pink."

I laughed quietly at that, glancing further down the corridor in the direction of the Great Hall. She was right. I'd have to face it eventually.

"Alright," I murmured.

Her face lit up and she pulled me by the hand back into the casual pace we'd been taking before I tried to turn around and run. I watched our hands as they swung slightly back and forth, debating with myself. They knew. Everyone knew. There was no way gossip like that had stayed contained. Every person in the Great Hall would look at me differently. Would the professors have heard? How would they react?

The Entrance Hall wasn't very busy, but people still looked when we emerged from the side. They looked, and saw us holding hands, and I didn't know what to do. Brittany turned back around, sending me a gentle smile. She squeezed my hand a little, one eyebrow lifting, and I nodded quickly. I couldn't hide it now. I just had to deal with the consequences. She turned a little more so no one else could see her face, and mouthed to me. _I love you_.

I glanced at the giant double doors. I could hear the swell of noise coming from inside. I looked back at her. She was gazing at me with such confidence, such pride – such _love_ – that I couldn't deny her this. As nervous as I was to face everyone, she was worth it. She was worth everything.

I nodded again, smiled at her, then turned and walked straight into the Great Hall.


	34. Karofsky's Revenge

**Theme song for the chapter: com/watch?v=7UT62Q4JJU4**

**Again, too much Spanish to translate so it's just in italics.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 34: Karofsky's Revenge<strong>

_March, Seventh Year_

"Come on Santana, there must be something you want to do. Just tell me, and we'll do it."

I sighed, burying my head further in the pillow. It was difficult to think of anything with Brittany half-lying on top of me and tracing patterns onto my bare back. Her breath was hitting my neck and her legs were tangled with mine and - really, _how_ was I meant to think when there was so much else to focus on?

"Santana," she moaned and I sighed again, turning my head so I could see her out of the corner of one eye and speak properly.

"I don't know, I can't think."

"What about London again?" she asked. Her fingers drifted across my shoulder and begin to draw faint lines up and down my arm. "We could stay for the weekend."

I shook my head, closing my eyes again to enjoy her touch. "We can't, Britt. Not with NEWTs so close and all the extra study classes. Plus Sylvester's breathing down my neck about quidditch, she wouldn't give us permission to leave."

"Well we have to do _something_ for your birthday. Eighteen!"

"Eighteen's nothing special."

"It is in the muggle world. There, you're not an adult until you're eighteen. Don't you remember how I got way more cards than usual for my birthday?"

I thought about it for a moment, then nodded as I recalled the piles of cards I'd helped her shrink so they'd fit into the bottom of her chest of drawers. Her parents had somehow forwarded them all to Hogwarts.

"Well, I don't know. Lock ourselves in the prefects' bathroom for the day?" I suggested, only half-joking.

"We can do that any day, though. It has to be something special!"

"What do you want to do?"

"I can't decide, it's your birthday!" she protested.

"But I'll be happy if you're happy. So just… give me ideas, and I'll pick one," I told her, unable to hold in a sigh of pleasure when she gently kissed my shoulder.

"What about Puddlemere?"

I snorted into the pillow. "With how they've been performing this season? No thanks."

"Oh yeah, I guess. Something in Hogsmeade? Madam Puddi- no, alright, not that," she amended before I even had time to comment on the tackiness of that place. "But we always go to the Three Broomsticks too. And it's a regular Hogsmeade weekend so it'll be really busy."

"Sorry Britt, but I really don't feel like getting jostled about by a load of kids," I told her, turning my head again to apologise with my expression as well. I felt bad, knocking down all her ideas when I'd just asked her to think of things. "I think I just want to stay around Hogwarts. It'll be quieter."

"We can do that," she agreed, shifting a little to lie down properly, with one cheek resting on my back.

"Could we just like… get food from the house elves and come here and just relax? I'm so sick of the professors and my parents and abuela and _everyone_ going on at me about everything I have to do, and… I just want a break," I admitted quietly. Puck would be laughing if he could hear me saying that.

She shuffled again, sliding further up my body to kiss my cheek, then rolling off me so she was lying opposite instead, her nose almost touching mine. She tilted her head up to kiss the tip of my nose.

"We can do anything you want."

* * *

><p>I still wasn't quite used to walking hand-in-hand with Brittany around Hogwarts. Sure it was nice, but every so often I'd catch people staring and the discomfort would rise up in me again. My reputation for hexing people was still sufficient to prevent most of the comments, although Niamh had of course said plenty on the matter - when she wasn't boasting about passing the auror tests, anyway. I still wasn't quite sure how her robes had returned from the house elves bright pink, and Brittany refused to comment, but it was amusing to see her walk around in them for a few days until she figured out the counter-spell. It also distracted her enough that I didn't get nearly as many insults from her as I'd been expecting.<p>

Brittany was humming a tune under her breath as we walked, and was swinging our hands in time with it. I didn't recognise the song - it was probably something muggle - but it meant I had something to focus on other than the looks coming our way from some Ravenclaw girls who kept glancing back at us. They broke apart suddenly with several squeals, and Brittany's singing abruptly halted at the sight of Kurt knocking into a wall with Karofsky close behind, shouting over his shoulder as he passed. I stopped, my hand squeezing Brittany's. She looked back at me, the worry clear on her face as I tried to work out what to do. Recently Kurt had always been safe around me - but Karofsky was very obviously leering in my direction, so that had apparently come to an end. But I couldn't just give up on that now. What if he started thinking it was okay to go after Brittany?

I was moving without a real plan of what to do, but my wand was out and I was pulling free of Brittany to walk straight in front of him.

"What are you doing?" I asked coldly, my wand pointing straight at his chest and forcing him to stop.

"What are _you_ doing, Lopez?" he sneered, crossing his arms. "Standing up for gays everywhere now, huh? Shoulda guessed you'd be like him."

Sparks came from my wand, but he didn't even blink. His eyes were narrowed, fists clenched, and he was staring at me more hostilely than I'd ever seen before. Kurt was struggling to his feet to the side, and Karofsky suddenly made a move towards him. I took two long strides, planting myself between them with my wand pointing firmly at him again.

"Get out of the way, Lopez," he snarled, reaching out a hand to push me roughly despite my wand. I stumbled backwards, shocked that he had actually touched me.

"Santana-" Brittany started, moving closer, but I motioned at her to stay back.

"Do I have to tell you again, huh?" Karofsky shouted this time. He was glaring down at me and I became suddenly aware of just how big he was – he was literally twice the size of me. I had to make him stop before he lost it completely. I desperately tried to think of something to silence him. I quickly found my voice.

"At least I'm not beating up people to prove to everyone I'm straight," I said loudly, my words echoing around the hallway. "You can't even use a wand properly, got to fight like a muggle to feel strong." I felt a moment of victory at the shock in his expression. That disappeared the moment his fist pounded into the side of my face, throwing me backwards to the floor. I felt more shocked than hurt at the severe response, but as the pain started pulsing in my cheek, anger flooded into me. I blinked away the tears stinging my eyes and instead whipped my wand forward, shouting as I did.

"Levicorpus!"

His feet were yanked from beneath him before he could react, and a moment later he was hanging upside down in the air to several gasps from the surrounding students. I was done trying to talk my way out of this. In terms of spellwork, I could pummel Karofsky into the ground – or the ceiling, as it might be. See how he liked it.

"Ventus!" I shouted again, prompting a strong gust of wind that banged his body against the wall. "Fernunculus!" Boils began to break out all over his face.

"Santana, stop," Brittany whispered.

I spun to face her, breathing heavily as the aching in my face got considerably worse. It stung when she lifted her hand to gently touch my cheek, but that touch also calmed me. I lowered my wand, turning slowly to face Karofsky again. He was breathing just as heavily as I had been a few seconds ago, and he looked beyond furious. I made sure to keep a big enough gap between us as I stepped forward to address him.

"Don't touch me, don't touch Kurt. And don't even think about going after Brittany or I'll make your life a living hell, got it? Oh, and in case you didn't realise the second you _punched_ me, you're off the team."

I didn't wait for a reply. I didn't release the spells either. I just turned, found Brittany's hand and started back down the corridor. I was glad to see Kurt hurry to follow us - I didn't want him nearby whenever Karofsky got released. I had no idea if my threats would work once my magic wasn't there to restrain him. At least Professor Sylvester should be okay with my decision to kick him off the quidditch team after he'd gone and punched me - hopefully he should receive the brunt of that impact. We were about to turn the corner when I heard his voice echo after me.

"Fuck you, Santana! _Fuck_ you, you're gonna fucking regret this!" he screeched.

I paused, but Brittany's hand tightened and she pulled me forcefully around the corner. We walked with Kurt for a good five minutes, until I was finally calm enough to put my wand away and we were in a narrow, empty corridor. Brittany turned around suddenly, stepping close and peering at my cheek.

"Are you okay? Does it hurt?" she asked, in a much more subdued voice than normal. I tried to smile at her to reassure her, but found that just hurt even more. I could taste blood on the inside of my lip. I must have winced, because Brittany turned quickly to find Kurt, who was hovering awkwardly a few metres away. "Kurt, can you fix it? Can you heal her?"

He nodded, walking forward with his wand already out, touching the end carefully against my skin.

"Episkey."

A weird sensation of hot and cold rippled through the side of my face, but only a few seconds later it was replaced by a distinct lack of pain. I lifted a hand to carefully prod at my cheek, and found the swelling had all but disappeared.

"Thanks, Kurt," I said, but he was already turning away with a frown. "What?" I asked, confused. Hadn't I just helped him?

"You shouldn't have said that to him," he muttered, tucking his wand back into his pocket.

"Said what?"

"You know. About him being straight."

"Well I had to say something to shut him up. Obviously it was a bad choice," I retorted, gesturing at my face.

He shook his head, more aggravated. "You could have said anything! Anything, but _that_."

"Why?" I demanded. "Yeah it was stupid, but what else should I have said? Worst thing that happens, a few people wonder if he's gay, maybe someone gets hit when they say so in front of him, it all blows over, no problem."

Kurt lifted his hands to run through his hair, looking far less composed than he normally did.

"That's not…" He took a deep breath, shaking his head again. "He's going to think I told you!" he hissed.

I stared at him, then looked over at Brittany for confirmation that Kurt really had just said what I thought he had. She looked as shocked as I felt.

"He… he _is_? He's gay?"

"Shh!"

My eyes widened further and I slumped back against the wall behind me. I could feel Brittany hovering at my side, but my mind was buzzing. His treatment of Kurt suddenly made some sense - not to mention him punching me earlier on. Kurt was right. I _really _shouldn't have said that.

I didn't know how I felt. I was angry, definitely angry. He'd treated Kurt so badly for so long so he could carry on hiding. But… but, hadn't I done the same to Brittany? I couldn't help feeling guilty as well. I couldn't imagine how I'd have reacted if someone had said that to me while we were still a secret.

"What's he going to do?" I asked quietly. I knew neither of them would have an answer, but I was going crazy stuck with my own thoughts.

"He said you'd regret it," Brittany whispered.

I turned to her and saw all the worry clear on her face, so I squeezed her hand lightly before turning to Kurt, who was shrugging.

"I don't know. He's… he's unpredictable. But you should avoid him. We all should, for a few days. M-maybe he'll calm down. See that no one's talking and forget it."

He didn't look very sure on that, but I didn't want to worry Brittany even more by saying that out loud.

"Yeah, he probably will," I said instead, smiling across at her reassuringly. She smiled back, but the concern was still there in her eyes.

* * *

><p><em>2 days later<em>

"Wakey wakey, sleepyhead."

I stirred a little at the sound of a soft voice breaking into my sleep, but still tried to return to the dream of being with Brittany on a beach somewhere.

"Santana," the voice whispered again, this time closer. A few moments later I felt familiar lips press against mine and my eyes fluttered open to find Brittany a few centimetres away. She pulled away to smile widely. "Happy birthday."

I grinned and leaned in to kiss her again slowly. I kept my eyes open - partly so I wouldn't fall back asleep, but mostly just to watch her as we kissed. I pulled back suddenly when a call came from across the dorm.

"Get a room!"

I twisted my head and squinted through the dim morning light to see a short figure near the end of Brittany's bed that I assumed must be Becky.

"But we're in a room," Brittany pointed out.

I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing, turning my head into the pillow as Becky marched off muttering to herself. Brittany joined me a second later, also giggling as she pulled the quilt over our heads before leaning in to press her lips to mine. We kissed slowly for long minutes. I didn't try anything else - I was very aware of the other Hufflepuff girls starting to rouse around us - but it didn't matter. This was the perfect start to my birthday. It would have been better in the Room of Requirement, but we'd been sticking to sleeping in the Hufflepuff dorm to avoid any run-ins with Karofsky when we were alone. But this was my birthday, I didn't want to ruin it with thoughts of him.

I shuffled closer to Brittany, leaning in for one last kiss before breaking away with a sigh. I could just about make out her smile and the glint of her eyes through the darkness before she shifted, pulling me up so my head was resting on her chest and her arms were wrapped around me.

"When do you want your present?" she asked quietly.

"Now, duh," I replied with a grin, groaning lightly when she sat up, making my head fall back onto the mattress. I watched as she twisted and heard the rattle of her bedside table drawer opening. I poked my head out from under the covers and was relieved to see that the dorm looked empty now - although it wouldn't stay like it for long, judging by the argument going on between Sugar and Becky in the bathroom. Brittany was facing me again though, so I switched my eyes back to her. I had no idea what she'd got me, although I had noticed when she'd disappeared to "visit family" for an afternoon last week. She flicked her fingers towards the ceiling and I moved so I was sitting up opposite her, cross-legged and trying to be patient.

One hand was held behind her back, and she slowly brought it around to reveal a large velvet jewellery box. I glanced up at her face, suddenly uncertain. We'd never really done jewellery before. At least, not jewellery as expensive as this looked. She pushed it closer to me and I took the box carefully from her, considering it for a moment before slowly opening it. A simple, delicate golden chain was inside, but welded at the bottom were two rings; one gold, one silver, looped with each other.

"Brittany, it's… it's beautiful," I murmured as I stared down at it. I owned plenty of expensive necklaces that were family heirlooms or gifts from my abuela, but now I had this I wasn't sure I'd ever wear any of them again. "Thank you," I whispered, finally looking away to lean in and kiss her gently, trying to convey just how much I liked it in that one kiss. It didn't suffice, so I kissed her again before pulling back. "Can you put it on me?"

She nodded eagerly, reaching out for the box and lifting the chain delicately. I turned on the bed, pulling my hair over my shoulder as she placed it around my neck, clasping it on the first attempt then pressing her lips gently against the top of my spine where it rested. I moved, swivelling where I was sat to face her again. She touched the two rings of metal where they rested just above my heart.

"Me and you," she whispered.

I leaned in to kiss her again, but at that moment Becky stormed out of the bathroom screaming insults at Sugar before turning her wrath to us and how it wasn't fair we used up even more shower time with both of us being there. Normally I'd have hexed or at least silenced her after only a few seconds, but wrapped up in Brittany's arms with her necklace still cool against my skin, I couldn't find it in myself to do anything but laugh.

* * *

><p>"Santana Lopez!"<p>

I spun on the spot without even considering my action when I heard the familiar bark, unsurprised to find Professor Sylvester bearing down on me. I'd been waiting for this conversation ever since the altercation with Karofsky. I was surprised it had taken her so long, to be honest. Brittany pressed against me from behind, her hands sliding up my back and proving a little too distracting, given the nature of the professor approaching.

"My office, now."

"But Professor Sylvester, it's her _birthday_. You can't be mean to her today!" Brittany protested from behind, making me flinch. No one spoke to her like that. Surprisingly, Professor Sylvester didn't react as badly as I'd anticipated.

"Well if you don't want to be in detention on _your_ birthday, I'd get to breakfast blondie."

"But my birthday's already-"

"Go, Britt," I interrupted, turning to smile at her. I reached up to play with the necklace between my fingers, which made her smile in turn. "I'll find you at Hufflepuff in a bit, yeah?"

Reluctantly she nodded, taking a few steps backwards but not looking away from me. I turned to find Professor Sylvester already marching away, and had to walk quickly to catch up with her. We were a little closer to the Slytherin dorms than I would have liked, but Karofsky was hardly going to try anything when Professor Sylvester was with me. I was starting to think he wasn't going to do anything, anyway. He wasn't exactly the planning type.

I entered the office after her, closing the door at her motion. I moved forward to settle into the chair in front of her desk, expecting a long lecture on how Slytherin didn't stand a hope in the quidditch final now, but she was in the way - and she didn't look particularly angry.

"Your father has owled me permission for you to leave Hogwarts for the day," she said simply.

I stared at her, nausea suddenly crawling up my stomach and into my throat as I remembered the last time I'd been in this situation. The 28th January in my first year, our house elf Edlyn had come to collect me. I wished that mamá or papá could have come instead, because I knew as soon as I saw her what had happened and I was crying before we were even in the fireplace. I'd tried to shout for Brittany, but I'd just choked in all the ash and Edlyn had to help me out the other side because I couldn't breathe.

"_Santana_."

Professor Sylvester's firm voice broke through my thoughts and jolted me back into the present day.

"Why?" It came out as a whisper, but I couldn't do anything to make it stronger. I clenched a fistful of my robes in each hand to try and stop them shaking. "Why am I going? What's happened?"

"Nothing that I am aware of. He asked you to floo straight home, though," she said, nodding to the pot on her desk as she circled it to sit down. I stared at it for several long seconds, my mind working in overdrive to try and work out what all this was about. "I haven't got all day to babysit you, Lopez. Wait much longer and you'll start hearing about the difficulties of finding _another_ new beater this late in the year," she warned.

I reached out to grab some floo powder straight away, turning towards the fire and trying to calm myself. It would be nothing. It was my birthday, they probably just wanted to see me. Even though they'd never tried to before, not even for my seventeenth. I dropped the floo powder and stared at the green, flickering flames, one hand reaching up to grip Brittany's necklace. I held it tight, making sure not to pull too tight in case it damaged the chain, then spoke as confidently as I could.

"Lopez House, Lake District!"

I stepped in and the flames overtook me, spinning me again and again until it began to slow. I half-considered not stepping out where I was meant to, but that would probably just result in an extremely clumsy exit when the floo system rejected me. I walked out.

I felt dizzy for several moments, but not enough to prevent me from comprehending my papá, mamá and abuela all sitting opposite the fire, waiting for me. I froze, unsure what to do until mamá approached to hug me, whispering in my ear.

"Happy birthday, mija."

She hugged me tighter than usual and I reciprocated as best I could while trying to watch papá and abuela at the same time. It didn't take long for one of them to say something, and mamá to pull back.

"We're disappointed in you, Santana," my father said. His arms were crossed, and he looked even more serious than he normally did.

My eyes flicked between him and abuela, who looked as though she was about to explode. I stopped looking at her very quickly, searching for mamá instead, but she was examining the table with great detail. I looked there, and quickly found an open, slightly crumpled letter. I picked it up slowly, unsure if I was about to get told to drop it, but no one said anything. They all just watched me as I began to read. The moment I recognised Karofsky's writing my stomach tied itself into a knot, but that was nothing compared to the fear that began to race through me as I took in his words. My hands were shaking again and the I dropped the letter by accident, skimming to the floor. I searched for mamá again but she was staring at the fireplace. I didn't want to look around at abuela and papá. I wanted to run. I wanted to run to Brittany and hide in her arms.

"_Well? Aren't you going to say _anything_? Explain yourself, Santana_!" abuela screeched finally in Spanish, leaping up from her seat to march in front of me so I couldn't avoid looking at her any longer. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out, and she seemed to take it as an admission of guilt. "_What were you _thinking_? You have disgraced our family! The Lopez name! After we've worked so hard to preserve its honour, and now - it is at an end! You have ruined it all! People will talk, they always talk-_"

"_Mother, mother, calm down_," my father said as he stood, walking over. For a moment I thought he was going to back me up, but he simply reached for abuela by the shoulders and guided her back to her chair. "_You are going to over-exert yourself. _Santana," he said, turning to survey me once more with cold eyes. "You are not to see Brittany again."

"_What_?" I gasped, the shock momentarily overcoming my fear. "No, no. I can't do that. I _won't_!"

"You will do as I say."

"No!"

"Hernando, be reasonable," mamá murmured from behind me, coming forward to press a gentle hand to his arm. "Santana cannot simply stop seeing Brittany, not at Hogwarts. It would be impossible."

"Well she can certainly call this nonsense to an end!" my father blustered immediately, scowling at mamá.

I knew I was crying. I could feel the tears on my face, but I did nothing to get rid of them. I reached for my necklace again, holding onto it tight as if it might send me straight back to Brittany as my parents argued.

"You have to think of her exams, Hernando. You do not want to cause extra stress for her when she has to focus on that."

That at least made him pause. He frowned at me over mamá's shoulder, and I could hear abuela muttering to herself as well. He took a breath, then stepped past her to survey me seriously.

"You must understand, Santana. We are not trying to make you unhappy. Brittany is… she is a nice girl," he settled on, prompting a derisive snort from abuela. "But you cannot continue the Lopez family line with her. You need a husband to give you children."

I sniffed, lifting my spare hand to try and wipe away some of the tears while the other still held onto my necklace.

"I could do that with her," I mumbled, struggling to find a stronger voice. My moment of defiance was gone. "Muggles, they… they can do stuff with science to make it happen." I had no idea how it worked, but I was sure Brittany had noticed my interest when she mentioned it one time.

"Science?" abuela cried out, jumping up from her chair again. "_My great-grandchild will not be cooked up with muggle science! Merlin, the disgrace! A squib in the family!_"

"Abuela, that's not how it works-" I tried to argue, but she interrupted me before I got any further.

"_I am the head of this family, Santana, and you are bringing shame to it! I will never hear the end of it at the Ministry. No one will ever associate themselves with the Lopezes again once this gets out! After everything I've done for you, helping with your tests-"_

"_I didn't want that!"_ I shouted back, switching to Spanish as well. "_I don't want your help! I want to do it on my own, not have you wave your wand and make everything easy! I'm only at the Ministry because you want me to be there! Isn't that enough for you? You're controlling what job I'll have, can't I choose who I'll spend my life with?_"

She started up again, shouting in Spanish about the same old thing she'd always said - the necessity of a job at the Ministry for the best money and influence, the need for children, the disgrace… I turned away from her, trying to block it all out, and found mamá watching me. I wanted to demand to know why she wasn't standing up for me and saying it was okay. I wanted papá and abuela to know that _she_ didn't care. But I choked on the words in my throat even as she spoke up again.

"Your mother is going to get overtired if she keeps on like that, you should take her to calm down," she said quietly to my father.

"_I am not an invalid, Carlotta! I still work just as many hours as you do-"_

Papá was already ushering her out of the room and her voice faded as the door shut after them, leaving just me and mamá in the room. I turned away from her, finally releasing the necklace to wipe at my face quickly, attempting to get rid of all the tears even though I knew she'd seen them already. I tried to slow my breathing as well, but then I caught sight of the letter on the table and it became even harder. I'd never expected him to do anything like this.

"Santana…"

I stepped quickly away from her light touch to my shoulder, aware that I was sniffling and hating it. I took a quick breath then turned to face her.

"Why didn't you say anything?" I demanded, my voice breaking halfway through.

"I cannot speak reason to your father until your abuela is gone. He will come around, Santana."

"B-but what if he doesn't? And what about abuela? She was furious!"

Mamá sighed, sitting down on the sofa and gesturing at me to do the same. I hesitated, then sat stiffly on the other end.

"You know how she is. She sees everything from the point of view of maintaining our family name. She grew up hearing all about the dangers of muggle science to the wizarding world. She does not understand it, she just sees it as something bad. She thinks this is just… just a rebellious stage on your part, and she wants it to end as soon as possible."

"But I don't want it to end. I don't want it to ever end," I said quietly, staring at the rug beneath my feet. I still wasn't exactly comfortable discussing this with her, and it was easier to not look at her. "I love her. She makes me happy."

"I know, Santana. And I will make your father see that, but… I do not know how to bring your abuela around. You have to realise that it will take her a long time. Once your father understands it will be better, but… I am sorry, Santana. It will not be easy with her."

I nodded, sniffing again then daring to look up at mamá. She looked sad, but she was watching me intently.

"I'm sorry this had to happen on your birthday. I… are you doing anything?" she asked, slipping back into the slightly awkward questioning that she often used now when she was trying to be interested in my life but didn't quite know how.

I shrugged. "Not really. We're… uh…" I didn't really want to tell her about the Room of Requirement. No one knew about that but us. "We're just going to relax. Get some food from the elves. Me and Britt, I mean," I added, glancing at the door. I half-expected papá to come bursting back in and say that wasn't going to happen.

"I see. Well, that should be nice."

I nodded again, forcing a smile and relieved to feel no more tears threatening.

"I… I should probably get back to school," I suggested into the silence. I wanted to get away before papá or abuela came back. I still felt kind of sick, but not enough to prevent me flooing away from this place.

Mamá nodded, suddenly all business as she stood up and bustled over to the fireplace, preparing it for flooing like she used to when Tony and I were just kids and getting ready for a trip to the Ministry. When she turned around the flames were already high and green, and she looked less flustered. I walked over slowly, surprised when she stepped forward to hug me. I hugged back tighter than I normally did, clinging onto the one member of my family that wasn't rejecting me for being with Brittany.

"I'll talk to your father, and get him to owl you," she murmured, pulling back to look me over, fussing a little with my hair. "Happy birthday, Santana. Have a good day with Brittany, and… and, I'm sorry," she added in a quieter tone. "Owl me if you need anything, okay?"

"I will, mamá."

I tensed suddenly upon hearing loud voices again outside the door, and stepped away to stand in front of the fireplace again. I glanced back at her and she gestured at me to go. I faced it, and called out loudly.

"Slytherin office, Hogwarts!"

* * *

><p>My eye hurt so much, but I was trying not to think about that. I was more concerned about what to do when Santana got back, and how to stop her from going after Karofsky. She was going to be so mad. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, trying to make the pain in my back go away, but it didn't work very well. Madam Pillsbury said I had to go back to the Hospital Wing later, but she was busy with Kurt at the moment, so I had to just pretend my bruises weren't there. It was harder than I thought it would be. At least Santana wouldn't be able to see my back until it was hopefully all healed, but the black eye was a bit harder to hide. I wondered whether Karofsky had known that she wouldn't be about. Maybe he was just watching and waiting for a good moment to attack. Whatever it was, he'd jumped out at the wrong time with only me and Kurt in the corridor.<p>

Hearing the sudden roar of flames I hurried over to Professor Sylvester's closed door, pressing my ear to it. She was quicker than I'd thought she would be when I heard she was with her family. I hadn't had enough time to work out what to tell her. The door swung open after only a few seconds and I came face to face with Santana - and she'd been crying. I could see it in her face straight away that she was still upset, but before I could summon any words she was bearing down on me, her eyes fixated on the side of my face.

"Brittany, what _happened_? Are you okay? Who did this?"

"It's not as bad as it looks-" I started to tell her, but she was shaking her head and scowling.

"_Who did it?_"

I hesitated. I wanted to explain first before she went all crazy. I didn't want her getting hurt as well.

"We should go to the Hospital Wing. Kurt's in there, he'll want to see you," I suggested quietly. She froze, and I winced. I could see her mind working. It wouldn't take her long to figure it out.

"Karofsky," she growled. She was angry - way angrier than I'd seen her in years.

"Kurt," I reminded her, reaching out to grab her arm so she couldn't march off without me. "We should check on him, make sure he's okay."

I didn't know who was angrier - her, or Karofsky. But I didn't want to test that by letting them near each other. I didn't know how far Santana might take it - especially now he'd hurt me.

"He didn't mean to hurt me, I think," I said quietly as she slowly began to walk in the direction of the Hospital Wing. Maybe it would help. "I just got in the way, trying to help Kurt."

"That doesn't make it any better, Brittany. He shouldn't be hurting Kurt in the first place!" she snapped, her pace quickening. I kept up with her easily, ignoring all the looks from people as we crossed the Entrance Hall. I knew I didn't look very nice with a black eye.

"Are… are you okay?" I asked quietly when we were a little further away from the crowds of students. I hadn't forgotten her expression when she'd left Professor Sylvester's office, before she'd seen my eye.

"Oh yeah I'm just great, this is a fantastic birthday," she sneered. I paused, then a moment later so did she to look over at me with regret. "Sorry," she muttered. Her fingers trailed down my arm to link with mine, and she gave me a tense smile before continuing down the corridor.

I didn't try and ask her again. Not while she was feeling like this - angry and defensive. I'd have to find out later. The Hospital Wing door was slightly ajar and Santana didn't hesitate to push it wide open, pulling me inside. At the end there were a couple of Ravenclaw girls who'd caught Vanishing Sickness - both of their arms were missing - but Santana didn't even look their way, instead walking us straight to the bed on the right about halfway down. She pulled aside the curtain and Kurt squinted up at us. The side of his face was a horrible mixture of purple and yellow, with several cuts, and his arm was in a sling.

"S'ntana?" he mumbled. "Bri-uhh…"

He blinked several times, struggling to focus.

"What did he do to him?" Santana hissed, turning to me.

I shook my head quickly. "This wasn't him. It's the potion Madam Pillsbury gave him for the pain, she said it'd make it hard for him to concentrate."

Santana sighed, kneeling down so she was closer to Kurt, and finally he managed to keep his eyes on her.

"You need to tell someone, Kurt. This is crazy. You can't let him keep doing this."

"B-but… he…" Kurt took several quick breaths. I could see he was frustrated as he tried to speak. "H-he'll know. It was me."

"He'll hurt you again! He's not going to stop!" Santana objected loudly, but Kurt was shaking his head. He didn't shake it for long though - it must hurt him. I stepped back as he tried to speak again, and Santana argued again. They were just saying the same things. Kurt was scared. Santana was angry. And that was Karofsky, too - scared and angry. Except we were all acting like he was just angry, not scared. It took Santana years to stop being scared, and that was with me looking after her. How was Karofsky meant to do it with no one looking out for him?

"I need to go do something," I murmured, hoping neither of them would really hear and I could just sneak out. But of course Santana jumped up from Kurt's bedside to face me immediately.

"What? Where? Brittany, what if he finds you and hurts you this time?"

"I'll be okay, and it won't take long. You should stay with Kurt, in case Karofsky comes back here. But don't do anything stupid if he does," I added quickly.

She rolled her eyes. "Come on, we're in the Hospital Wing. Madam Pillsbury will fix anything I do in a few seconds. I frowned at her, and she relented a little. "Fine. I won't do anything with permanent damage. But you can't take long, okay? Or I'm coming looking for you," she warned.

"I'll be fine," I told her, leaning down to kiss her lightly on the cheek. I smiled encouragingly at Kurt, then turned and exited the Hospital Wing. I walked quickly so Santana couldn't change her mind. I couldn't let her come with me. It would ruin what little of a plan I had.

I walked fast through the castle, down several flights of stairs and through the Entrance Hall until I was in the dungeons. I entered the Slytherin common room easily, and soon found Puck lazing by the fire with Azimio. I checked around for Karofsky, but I couldn't see him anywhere, so I just approached them instead.

"Um, hi Puck. Azimio," I added quickly when he raised an eyebrow at me challengingly.

Puck was frowning up at me. "What happened to your eye?"

I shrugged, hoping Madam Pillsbury would get rid of it later. I didn't like how people kept looking.

"Do you know where Karofsky is?" I asked, avoiding his question.

"He's in the dorm," Azimio said. Puck was still staring at my face.

"Thanks," I muttered, turning away from them before Puck could ask again and walking across the common room. I tried to form the words I'd need in my head, but it was hard. Would he still be so angry? I found the end of my wand and held it lightly so I could pull it out quickly if needed. I found the seventh year dorm easily enough and paused outside, trying to get what I wanted to say straight. I was suddenly nervous, but I had to do this. I had to be brave. Santana had been so brave for me, now I had to do the same. I pushed the door open.

I heard the crying straight away, from the one bed in the room with its curtains drawn. It was weird, hearing him cry. I'd been right, he was definitely scared. I stepped forward as quietly as possible, but then I wondered if maybe I should have made more noise. I didn't want him trying to hex me out of shock.

"Ka-" I heard a gasp, and I quickly changed what I was going to say. "David?"

I stayed where I was in the middle of the room, waiting as I listened to rustling. Finally he emerged. His wand was out and his eyes were red.

"Fuck off, Pierce!" he snarled, taking several long strides towards me. It was quite scary, really, and I ended up stepping back fast so I wasn't quite so close to him, my hand still on my wand.

"I just want to talk!" I said quickly.

"What's there to talk about?"

"You need to stop." I didn't know how else to phrase it, so I just said it straight out.

"…What?" He looked confused, like he couldn't believe I'd just said that.

"You need to stop hurting Kurt. It's not fair. And Santana."

"And why would I do that, huh?" he asked, stepping forward again. I held my ground this time, and tried to look at his face rather than his wand.

"Because you're making yourself miserable as well as everyone else." It came out in a rush, but the surprise on his face told me that he'd heard properly. I took a quick breath and continued before he could interrupt again. "It's not just them you're hurting, it's you too. 'Cause you're scared." He scowled, and I hurried on. "And it's okay, it makes sense. Santana was scared. But you're hurting people and it doesn't help anyone."

"Well that's just wonderful, Brittany," he sneered. At least he wasn't waving his wand around anymore - not that it would do much damage if he did try to curse me. There was a reason Karofsky worked with his fists. "Let's have an overnight personality change and hope no one notices."

"You should leave." I might have been as surprised by my words as he was.

"…Leave?" he repeated, too surprised to sound angry or upset.

I bit my lip and nodded. "Yeah. I think. I think leaving would be best. Away from Kurt and Santana. Santana's really mad, and one of you is going to get hurt. Probably both. And it'll be easier to be brave away from Azimio, and Puck," I reasoned. "Mostly Azimio."

"You're crazy," he said, turning away. I moved quickly so I was in front of him again.

"No, I'm not. You should leave. It would be best for everyone, and you."

"And what about NEWTs, huh?"

"You wand doesn't work." He looked shocked again - was he really surprised that I knew? Everyone had noticed it get worse and worse over the past couple of years. "You won't pass."

"Says _you_," he replied with a scowl. It hurt a bit, but I tried not to let that show.

"But your wand doesn't work with anything. I'm bad at some things, but… not everything."

"What are you trying to say, huh? That I'm thick, that I'm a squib?"

"No, no!" I replied quickly. I'd never say something like that about anyone. "But you can't take your NEWTs with your wand acting like that. You need to find out what's wrong with it."

"So everyone will think I'm a failure when I need to retake next year. I might as well just drop out now and never come back."

"No, it could be better. If you leave now, you'll have more time to fix it. You can practice over the summer - practice all the spells from last year, too. So when you come back you'll be top of the year. And we'll be gone - me and Santana and Kurt, and Puck and Azimio - and it'll be a new start. You can be whoever you want to be."

He hesitated, staring at me for several seconds before frowning and shaking his head again.

"No, no. That's crazy. My dad would never agree to it."

"But doesn't he know about your wand?" He shrugged uncomfortably. "You have to tell him! It's a good reason! And you don't have to tell him about the other stuff, just… you can't live like this. You can't keep hitting people. If Kurt tells, you'll get expelled. Santana's trying to persuade him to, she might tell anyway," I argued, trying a different route. "But if you leave on your own, she'll have no reason to. She just doesn't want you hurting Kurt."

He was frowning - but this time at the floor, like he was thinking, rather than at me.

"Please, K- David. It'll be best. Leave, and come back next year," I repeated, taking a step back. I couldn't think of anything else that might convince him. I just had to hope he'd do it - or at least leave Kurt and Santana alone for the rest of the year. He was still standing in the middle of the room when I walked out.

* * *

><p>"Are you sure-"<p>

"Yes, Santana, I'm fine. I promise," I said over my shoulder as I pulled her through the dungeons. My eye and back felt just fine now that Madam Pillsbury had fixed them. Santana had seen the healing happen, so she should really stop worrying. "But we need to hurry, or the elves are all going to be busy with lunch and we'll have to wait till after."

We arrived in front of the fruit portrait as I said that, and when it swung open I was relieved to see that the house elves were jogging about rather than full-out sprinting like they normally did at mealtimes. We still had some time. Rosey popped up from the side almost straight away and came running over.

"Miss Pierce is ready for the c- uh, the surprise?" she asked with a big smile.

I nodded, trying not to smile too wide as I squeezed Santana's hand and led her over to one side, Rosey leading. Before we could get too close I spun around so I was behind her, covering her eyes up.

"Britt, I thought we were just getting food," Santana said, but I could feel her eyes crinkling under my hand as she smiled.

"We are. But this is special food," I told her, slowing down as we approached the table and Rosey hovered the cover off the top. I waited until we were right in front of it before dropping my hands to rest on her shoulders instead, allowing her to see the large cake with its bright green icing. She gasped, and before I knew what was happening she had spun around to kiss me hard. I grinned against her lips, sliding my hands around her waist instead, and pulling back after a few seconds to see Rosey staring up at us with her mouth wide open. Santana smiled, pecking me one last time before turning around to examine the cake once more. I kept my arms wrapped around her so we stayed close.

"Did you make it?" she asked quietly.

"Um… sort of. The elves helped me. They let me mix sometimes. They did most of it though. But, they let me ice it! I did all the icing!"

I was proud of my icing. I'd made it bright green and got some silver as well - although it really looked more like grey - and wrote on 'Happy Birthday Santana!' with a snake winding around the outside. The snake was a bit wobbly and had a very thick tail compared to its head, but it was still a snake.

"That's… that's amazing, Brittany," she whispered, suddenly sounding like she was about to cry. I moved quickly around to look her in the eye and found that she looked like it too.

"What is it? Don't you like it?" I asked, my excitement turning into dismay at the expression on her face.

She shook her head, but I could still see the tears forming in her eyes.

"Th-that's not it. It's lovely, Britt, it… I love it," she mumbled, trying to smile.

"But what's the matter then? Tell me, Santana."

I could see Rosey slowly backing away looking panicked out of the corner of my eye. Santana suddenly jerked forward, burying her head against me as she started to cry properly. I hugged her as tight as I could, one hand buried in her hair. I didn't understand what was wrong - but then I remembered earlier, when she'd come out of Professor Sylvester's office.

"What happened with your parents, Santana?" I whispered, so the house elves wouldn't hear. She started crying more and I pulled her to the side, out of the way of the elves and between two sets of cupboards so we weren't quite so out in the open.

"Th-they know," she sobbed, getting my top rapidly damper. I didn't mind, though. That was what I was there for, to hold her when she cried. "K-Karofsky, he sent them a letter. He… he told them, and my abuela went _crazy_. Papá, too. Papá tried to say I c-couldn't be with you, he said I had to stop seeing you, a-and mamá says she'll speak to him but…" She trailed off into more tears, and for a moment I regretted not hexing Karofsky earlier when I had the chance. How could he have done that to her? How could he do that when he should understand? And on her _birthday_?

"I'm sorry, Santana," I murmured, slipping a hand down to try and wipe away some of her tears, but it was useless when she couldn't stop crying. I didn't know what else to say. Normally I could help her feel better, but I couldn't with this. I couldn't make her family like us. I could do my best to be a good girlfriend to Santana, and prove to them I made her happy, but I didn't know if that would be enough. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I repeated, not knowing what else to do. What could I say that would reassure her? It hurt me hearing her cry like this, but it was worse knowing that the only thing I could do was hug her. She wouldn't like crying in here, though, with all the elves around - even if they were pretending we didn't exist. "Do you want to go to our room?" I asked quietly.

She nodded, stopping her crying just enough to whisper a 'yes' in response. I turned a little, still cradling her with one arm but moving to the side enough that I could walk.

"W-wait, the cake," she muttered, turning towards it. "We should take it."

"Really?"

She nodded quickly, and I moved to find Rosey already cutting up slices and putting them in a box. She hurried over, holding it up tentatively until I reached out to put it under my spare arm.

"Happy birthday, Miss Lopez," she whispered, before scurrying away to tend to a pot of soup.

Santana was wiping at her face, trying to make it look like she hadn't been crying, but she was just making her face redder.

"Here, let me," I murmured, pulling away from her for a few moments to grab my wand and whisper a quiet charm. The tear tracks faded and her face became less blotchy. I tucked my wand back away and returned my arm to around her shoulders, the box of cake safely under my other arm. "I'm sorry you've had a sad birthday, Santana."

She sighed, shaking her head. I noticed her touch the necklace I'd given her earlier, and I had to smile.

"It started with you, and it's going to end with you. That's all I really wanted anyway," she whispered, kissing me softly at the corner of my lips. I smiled at her as the portrait door swung open, and we started the familiar route to our room together.


	35. The Dancing Patronus

**Chapter 35: The Dancing Patronus**

_April, Seventh Year, Easter Holidays_

"Pull your collar up."

I blinked, turning to find Mike grinning at me, dressed in the smartest quidditch uniform I'd ever seen. The only thing I had to wear was my Hufflepuff uniform, and I'd thought that would be fine. His finger poked into my neck and I felt a slight twinge at the same time as I realised that was the exact spot Santana had latched onto last night for quite some time. I reached up quickly to pull my collar higher, and Mike laughed.

"I forgot you were going to be here too," I admitted, glancing around the pitch. There were a lot more people here than I'd thought there would be. Most of them were older than me as well - one man must have been about thirty. Some of them were carrying expensive-looking broomsticks, and I wondered if maybe I should have brought mine. It had said in the letter that it wasn't needed, though.

"Finn's meant to be here too, but I haven't seen him yet," Mike replied. I nodded; Finn had been excited about it for weeks. Karofsky had, too, until he'd left. I didn't think I'd be seeing him today. "You nervous?"

I nodded, shifting from foot to foot and putting Karofsky out of my mind. "You?"

"A bit. The scouts are already up there," he said, pointing up to one section of the stadium where a small selection of witches and wizards were seated. "There's way less than normal."

"How do you know?"

"My brother tried out a few years ago. He didn't get in, but he said there were at least twenty scouts."

I gazed up at the scouts, doing a quick count. Eleven. Looking around the pitch, there had to be fifty of us trying out. I was starting to get even more nervous.

"Hey guys!"

I turned to see Finn approaching - at least he was in his Hufflepuff uniform, although he was carrying a broom under his arm. I started to greet him, but a booming voice suddenly echoed across the pitch.

"Thank you all for coming! We are almost ready to begin, but first we need to sort according to position. Chasers, please collect a broom and tag from the north tower - anyone who has brought their own broom will need to store them in the provided lockers until the end of the trials. Beaters, west tower. Keepers, south tower. Seekers, east tower. We will be beginning position-specific tests in ten minutes."

"Oh, I guess I'll see you later. Good luck!" Finn called as he headed off.

I glanced at Mike, and he gave me an encouraging smile. I was glad I was with him. I never normally got so worried. I was good at quidditch. I knew I was. Playing it was fun, I didn't have to think. But what if I didn't get into this? What would I do then?

There were thirteen of us trying out as seekers. We had to wait in a line for a broom and some sort of magical wristband with a number on, apparently so they knew who was who while we were in the air. Then an old man came over with a box full of snitches.

"We're going to be releasing these one at a time, in the order of your numbers."

I checked my wristband again to find the number seven.

"You must catch the snitch with your number and only your number," the man instructed, lifting up one snitch as an example. I could see a glowing number one on both sides as he rolled it in his fingers. I realised straight away that to see which snitch was mine, I'd have to be flying right next to it, and make sure to look before catching it. I didn't want to get penalised for catching the wrong one. "The snitches will be confined to the east section of the pitch, so there is no need to venture further afield. Any questions?" No one responded. "Good. You must wait for the whistle before taking off. Snitch number one…"

I got on the broom I'd been given, watching quietly as the snitches were released in order. The moment he let go of the number seven my head jerked up, eyes following it. But then it started spinning about with one of the other snitches - and then two more flew straight past, and after only a minute I had completely lost track of it. We waited on the ground for five minutes, until there was no chance that anyone still knew where their snitch was. Then the whistle blew.

The wind roared in my ears as I flew upwards towards the first snitch that caught my eye. It darted to my right and as I turned I almost flew straight into another player, who was surprisingly large for a seeker. I ducked just in time, feeling the top of my head skim his broom, and I was already reaching out for the snitch when I suddenly remembered the rules. I pulled my hand back quickly, urging my broom forward and aware of another person just behind me on my right. I pushed myself forward more, so much that I almost went straight past the snitch, but pulled back just in time that I was hovering right next to it. I turned my head to examine it, but after a few seconds I could see that it was either a three or an eight, not seven.

I pulled up and away, twisting as I did to examine the surroundings. Mike zoomed past me with his hand outstretched, and I dropped down to tail after another player. This was crazy, everyone trying to catch so many snitches. To my left I could see four people going after the same one. But I had to focus. I had to stop getting caught up in my head.

I sped up so I was right next to the other player, ignoring him. This wasn't a proper quidditch match, I didn't have to worry about him ramming into me. After only a few seconds he veered off anyway, allowing me to get close enough to the snitch to locate the glowing number. I squinted, trying to make it out. Was that a seven? Or a one? It looked like a seven, but I had to be sure.

I lowered myself closer to my broom, edging to the side so the snitch was on my right as I started to speed up a little. I thought someone else was behind me, but I paid no attention to them as I worked myself closer. The snitch was skittish, jerking up and down and spinning as I tried to get a good view of the number. It was definitely a one or a seven, though. It suddenly spiralled up and I followed, struggling to get back into my position next to it. But it turned again - this time giving me a clear view of the seven engraved onto it. I switched back to my normal seeking mode, reaching out my hand and accelerating steadily, getting me closer and closer to it but not going past. It twisted and turned, trying to get away, but the whole time I kept up with it, edging nearer, until finally my fingers grasped metal and I pulled it into my closed fist.

I pulled up abruptly as soon as I had it, and the person who'd been following me looped off in another direction. I turned, finding about half the players still chasing snitches and the rest on the ground. Apparently I hadn't been as fast as I'd hoped. I flew down quickly, seeing that Mike was already there and smiling at me. I returned the snitch to our instructor and went to stand in line with him.

"That was great, Britt," he whispered.

"You were faster," I pointed out.

"They're not looking at speed for this, it's mostly chance. They just want to warm us up, see our flying style. My brother said there's all sorts of tests - flying, turning, actual seeking. Then fitness as well, and we'll be in matches at the end. They want to see everything we can do."

I nodded, feeling a little more confident now I knew some of what would be happening. I wished Santana could be in the stands to cheer me on, but that was impossible. I had to do this myself.

Not everyone got a chance to catch their snitches. After ten more minutes our instructor called the last couple of people down, summoning their snitches with his wand. Then it was onto the next test - and Mike was right, they did vary a lot. There was more seeking, where they partnered us up to see who caught it fastest. Then everyone was brought back together for speed and reaction tests, and after that we had to put our brooms to the side and do lots of running as they timed us. I disliked that the most - everything else I was comfortable with. I wasn't the slowest at running, but I definitely wasn't the fastest either. We didn't even stop for lunch - apparently they wanted to test our endurance too, with how long some of the professional matches went on for without any breaks.

By the time they were splitting us into teams for the matches, it was drizzling and my stomach was protesting at the lack of food. I was aching, and cold, but we weren't even done yet. We still had an hour to go. They were timing the matches so they wouldn't go on forever, and splitting the pitch into three so everyone could play at once. The match I was in had only two chasers and one beater on each team so that the numbers would work, and I soon noticed that I'd be playing against Mike. I wasn't sure if that was good or bad. I knew Mike's style - but he knew mine, as well.

"Listen up, everyone."

I turned away from looking at the opposite team to find the same instructor from earlier motioning us into a circle. I noticed the diagrams in front of him and started to get worried again, like I had been at the start of the day. I wasn't good with tactics, at all - but now the instructor was speaking directly to me.

"You - Pierce, is it? You need to keep an eye on the bludgers. With only one beater, that's vitally important. Communicate with Langley," he said, pointing to the burly man to my left who had to be almost seven feet tall, swinging his bat like it weighed nothing. He nodded once at me before returning his attention to the instructor. I tried to listen as well, but it was hard to understand everything that was being said. I was good at catching the snitch; that was my job. Finn had never asked anything more from me.

Everything passed in a blur and before I knew it, we were hovering in position. The whistle blew, and we were off just as the wind picked up, making it even more difficult to manoeuvre. I managed, though. I soared high up above the pitch to begin my normal circles of the pitch, noticing Mike start up his zig-zags. I tried not to focus on him too much, although it was always good to keep an eye on him in case he saw the snitch first. I kept my eyes open for that little glint of gold, but then I remembered I had to watch for bludgers as well. I tried to look for Langley, but it was hard. I wasn't used to looking for other balls or players as well as the snitch.

Something shimmered in the corner of my eye and I spun quickly to locate it, but it was only the referee's goggles. I was vaguely aware of both teams scoring, but I didn't know who was winning. A bludger suddenly flew straight past me and I dropped several metres out of shock, twisting again to try and find where it had gone. I had to remember to pay attention to them too. It had disappeared into the rain, but a moment later Langley flew straight past, shouting something I didn't hear. I took a moment to breathe slowly, trying to get my head back into the game. Snitch, and bludgers. That shouldn't be hard.

Mike dived suddenly from his position across the pitch, and I followed as fast as I could, speeding towards the direction he was flying in rather than towards him to gain on him. He was just as fast as me, though. He always had been, and he had the lead. He swooped down close to the ground and I managed to fly just above him, finally catching sight of the snitch. It was moving from side to side just like the one I'd caught earlier had, and I knew that at any moment it could dart in another direction. I prepared to follow it even as I outstretched my hand on the off chance it flew towards me.

It didn't. The snitch veered even lower to the ground, further away from me. I flew to the side, trying to drop down next to Mike… but it was too late. He was flying up with his fist clenched, the whistle was blowing, and the match was over. As the referee announced the final scores, I realised we had lost spectacularly.

* * *

><p>"It can't have been that bad."<p>

"Santana, we lost by _two hundred and ten points_. In a game that lasted half an hour! That's terrible!"

"Well they're not going to judge everything by that performance, are they? Mike's a good seeker, but so are you - you must have been close. And you did okay in the earlier tests, right?"

I nodded, twirling a red pen between my fingers as I stared down at the very colourful star map I'd been making for the last hour.

"I think so. I just wish they'd tell me already. I mean, what if I don't get picked? What happens then?"

She turned to me, moving her hand to hang over the edge of the bed. I took it slowly.

"Then we'll find you something else. Quidditch isn't the only thing you can do, Britt."

I shrugged, not really wanting to think about that. Santana had confidence in me, but I really couldn't see what other paths were open to me apart from just working in a shop - or doing what Professor Schue had said, and going into the muggle world.

"How are we supposed to memorise all of this anyway?" Santana sighed, changing the subject as she dropped the astronomy book onto the bed, her face following shortly after. "It's late. You've been flying all day, you must be tired. Can't we just stop now?"

I picked up my giant sheet of paper and some pens and crawled up onto the bed, knocking her with my foot until she rolled over to give me enough space to lay down my star map.

"Look," I said, glad she had given me the opportunity to feel useful. I was so nervous about getting the results of the trial I didn't want to think about it at all anymore. She did so through half-lidded eyes, finally rolling them and sitting up again properly. I pointed to my map. "The green dots are planets. Red and yellow and orange are stars. Red high magnitude, yellow low, orange in between. Then the purple lines are the constellations. Okay?"

"I get that. And this is great, Britt. But I'm not going to remember just by staring at it. I have to _do _something, and there's nothing to do to help me learn this! We can't even see half the constellations we'll need to know until May!"

I frowned down at my map, trying to work out how to make it easier for Santana. She always helped me so much in Defence Against the Dark Arts, I had to find a way that she could remember. Colours always worked great for me - I could picture them when I was in the exam.

"Maybe you just need to relax," I suggested, shuffling over so I was sat behind her and lifting my hands to her shoulders, gently pressing in with my fingers. She sighed under my touch and I used one hand to lift her hair over one shoulder so I had better access, massaging gently and leaning in to nuzzle my nose against the back of her neck. I smiled when I noticed the gold chain - I hadn't seen her take that necklace off once since I'd given it to her.

I pressed a light kiss to the top of her shoulder blade, then whispered my lips in a diagonal line upwards. One kiss to the left of her spine, one in the middle, one on the right. My lips moved again, running up her neck to place three final kisses in a triangle just under her ear.

"What constellation's that?"

She twitched a little when I spoke.

"What?"

I grinned against her skin. "Pay better attention this time," I murmured, starting the pattern again. I began with the triangle this time, then worked my way down over her spine to end up back where I started. "Get it?"

"Uh… serpens?"

"Which one?"

"…Serpens caput?"

I rewarded her with a stronger kiss to the back of her shoulder, my tongue slipping out for a second before I pulled my lips away, hearing her sigh as I did. I reached up to pull down one strap of her top, revealing more skin for me to work with. I thought for a moment, then leaned in again to start a trial of kisses almost in the shape of a house with its floor missing. This time I kept my lips on her back the whole time, my tongue pressing into her skin for each star. Halfway across I had to pull on the other strap so I had enough space to finish drawing the outline with my lips, sliding the material down to bunch around her middle. I rested my hands on her sides, fingers brushing against the bottom of her bra as I finished the next constellation.

"And that?" I whispered.

She didn't reply at first, but I could hear her breathing was heavier than before.

"It… um…" She gulped, then spoke with a stronger voice. "I think you should do it again."

"Yeah?" I asked lightly, teasing her with the tiniest of kisses on her back.

"Mm… yeah."

"Alright," I agreed, moving back to my original spot next to her arm. "Pay better attention this time, or we'll have to find another way to study," I reminded her with a grin, starting up my kisses again across the plane of her back. I was careful to pause after each star, to help her distinguish them better. "So?"

"Scorpius."

"Nope," I replied, pulling my lips away from her. She let out a tiny whine of protest and I giggled. "Come on, Santana."

"Libra?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed, swooping in to kiss her cheek briefly. She tried to follow me when I pulled away, and I laughed into her shoulder as I retraced the pattern of the constellation, this time with my finger. "So what else? How far away is it?"

"What?"

"Come on! You need to learn this! You said you needed a different way, so this is it. If it's okay…?" I added tentatively, wanting to make sure.

She nodded straight away. "Oh yeah, this is great. No way I'm forgetting this," she replied. "It's… um, five hundred procul charms?"

"Almost."

I started kissing her shoulder again, pressing my lips against her four times then stopping.

"504?"

"Exactly," I said with a grin, glad my method seemed to be working. "Lie down," I instructed suddenly, moving away from her and ignoring her objection.

I grabbed my sheet of paper, studying it for a moment to check the next constellation, then dropped it carefully onto the floor so there was more space for her. When I turned back to the bed, I found her sat exactly where she had been before, pouting. I tried not to laugh at her, twiddling my finger instead as a way of repeating my instructions. She sighed overdramatically, and was moving to lie down when I interrupted her.

"Wait, wait. Take your top off too, it'll get in the way."

She eyed me for a moment, then smirked and pulled it off in one quick motion, throwing it in my direction then settling down onto her stomach. She folded her arms and rested her head on them, still giving me that same look, and for a few seconds I forgot to breathe. Then I scrambled back onto the bed, lifting one leg so I was settled on the top of her thighs, her whole back open for me to kiss constellations into except for the strap of her bra. I considered for a moment, then reached up to unclasp it, pushing it away as I leaned further to whisper into Santana's hair.

"Remember we're studying. No funny business."

She turned her head then to raise an eyebrow, but otherwise didn't move. I dropped one kiss on her cheek then returned to her back. I ran my fingers slowly down each side of her ribcage as I started to kiss a square into the centre of her back. Then I started on the arms and legs - or at least, what were meant to be arms and legs. To me, the Hercules constellation looked more like an old man waving a stick than some muscled Greek guy.

"Hercules," Santana muttered the moment I finished. I grinned against her skin, wondering how long she'd known.

"How many stars?"

"Lots."

"Santana!" I poked her lightly in the side. She laughed, batting my hand away.

"Alright, alright. Uh… 50,000."

"See? You do know it!"

Her head turned, and suddenly I was faced with that same sly grin that made it hard to breathe.

"Sounds like it's your turn," she said quietly.

I opened my mouth to object, but she was already rolling out from underneath me, reaching to pull my top off and burying her lips against my neck.

* * *

><p><em>1 week later<em>

Sometimes I wondered how much other people appreciated their girlfriends when they didn't have to struggle for them. I appreciated every single thing about Santana. Even the bad things, because that just made her who she was, and she could be a lot worse. I heard Finn moaning a lot to Rory about how Rachel's so loud, but shouldn't he be talking about the good parts of her, not the bad?

Walking to the Great Hall and being able to hold hands with her was wonderful. We rarely had just our little fingers linked now - there was no need. I'd loved that when it was the only option, but it really didn't compare to properly holding her hand. We settled at the Hufflepuff table without discussing it, and Santana was just reaching for some toast for both of us when the Great Hall was invaded by a hundred screeches.

I looked up quickly, searching the flock of birds even though I had no idea what kind of owl I was looking for, or if it would even arrive today. I'd been doing the same all week. I glanced up the table at Finn and was slightly alarmed to see that he had a regal brown owl right in front of him. Looking over at the Ravenclaw, my stomach clenched at the sight of the same kind of owl next to Mike. My attention only wavered when a flutter of wings almost caught the side of my head, before the owl landed next to my plate, dropping an official-looking envelope. It waited until I had picked it up before setting off again. I looked across at Santana and found her staring intently at the letter. Her eyes twitched up to look at me instead and under the table her hand slipped onto my knee to squeeze lightly.

"You want to go back to the dorm?" she asked.

I shook my head. I didn't want to wait any longer. I just had to know. But even though I was so desperate to read it, my fingers moved so slowly as I ripped the top of the envelope and reached inside for the thick sheet of parchment. I pulled it out, staring at it for a moment without unfolding it. Santana was watching me, but for once her presence didn't help. My fingers were trembling as I unfolded the letter.

_Dear Miss Pierce,_

_Thank you for your attendance at the National Quidditch Trials at Chudley Stadium last Saturday 14th April. Unfortunately on this occasion you have received no applications of further interest from our scouts. We would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your interest and wish you all the best for future involvement in the quidditch industry._

_Yours sincerely,_

_David Marshbank  
>National Recruitment Manager<br>British and Irish Quidditch League_

I felt numb. I folded it up, hiding it in my lap so no one else could see. I knew Santana had been reading the letter at the same time I had, so I didn't have to tell her. She was watching me, waiting for a reaction, but I didn't know what to do. The only thing I could think of, I turned my head to find Finn. He was walking away from the table, his letter scrunched up in one hand. I looked over at the Ravenclaw table. Mike was talking excitedly, waving his letter in front of anyone who showed interest. I felt simultaneously happy for him, even as jealousy burned in the pit of my stomach. I shouldn't feel like that. He was better than me. He was a captain, and he'd caught the snitch in that match.

"Brittany."

I turned back to face Santana. I didn't want to look at her, though. I'd let us both down. Now she was going to be all distracted from our exams, trying to work out some way to fix this, when I was the one that messed up. I was the one who wasn't smart enough, or quick enough. I was the one who couldn't even watch out for bludgers for _one match_.

"Come on."

She reached for the letter in my lap, stuffing it into her pocket as she rose from the table. I moved with her, letting myself be led out of the Great Hall.

* * *

><p>Brittany still wasn't speaking. I watched her from my place at the desk, one hand covering the letter in front of me in case she came over. I didn't want to get her hopes up if my idea turned out to be in vain. But she wasn't likely to approach - she was currently directing balls of coloured light with her wand, spinning them in patterns. As I watched she jabbed hard at one with her wand, popping it suddenly. She poked again - another pop. Within a few seconds all the lights were gone, and she was dropping her wand back onto the bed, closing her eyes with a sigh. When we went to the Great Hall earlier for lunch and dinner she'd tried to act like her usual self, cheerily deflecting any questions about the quidditch. But now we were back in the Room of Requirement, she had dropped the act. She didn't feel like she had to act happy around me when she wasn't. Part of me wished she did, but a larger part was glad she was herself.<p>

I turned back to the table, folding up the letter and placing it to one side for owling later. I rose from the seat, walking over to the bed and tapping her lightly on the arm. I was going to distract her. I was going to prove to her that she could do anything if she put her mind to it, never mind what anyone else said.

"Come on, Britt. We're going to sort your patronus once and for all."

She sighed, opening her eyes to gaze up at me tiredly.

"Santana, I can't do it. There's no point."

"Yeah you can. So long as you get up off that bed, anyway," I argued, reached down to tug at her hand.

She lifted her head, staring at me for a few long moments before finally sitting up, swinging her legs around so she was sitting on the side of the bed. I pulled again on her hand, lifting her to her feet, and leaned up for a swift kiss before stepping backwards.

"Okay, show me how far you've got."

She sighed, but turned at my words to face the middle of the room, her wand held out loosely. Her eyes closed, and I was a little reassured to see a small smile play on her lips - even if it was nothing like her normal radiant smile. Her wand moved just as slowly as it had the last time I'd seen her try in class, and her smile shifted into a frown as she spoke.

"Expecto patronum!"

A small stream of silvery mist escaped from the end of her wand, and she dismissed it straight away as she turned back to me.

"See?"

I smiled encouragingly at her, shaking my head. "What memory do you use?"

"It changes. Just then it was that time in the Prefects' Bathroom last week."

"Britt, it's got to be stronger than that."

"It's a happy memory!"

I grinned, remembering it too, but shook my head again. "But the memory you use for your patronus has to be the _happiest_."

Brittany sighed, surveying the ground. "Well what do you use?"

"That night, on the lawn. After London. When I told you I loved you, and you said it back," I admitted quietly.

She couldn't help but smile at that. "That is pretty happy."

"Yeah. So try with that?"

She nodded, looking more determined this time as she raised her wand. She was smiling wider, but then once again it changed to a frown just before she said the words. Another wisp of pale smoke left her wand, a little stronger this time, but still not enough. She turned to look at me unhappily, shrugging her shoulders. I approached her slowly, trying to think of the best way to do this. She turned more towards me, but I motioned her back to where she'd been standing a moment ago as I stood behind her.

"You need to concentrate less on the actual spell. It's the memory that needs to fill you up - not worrying about the wand movements, or the words." I reached around her to lightly grasp the hand that was holding her wand. "Here's what we're going to do. I'm in charge of the wand, okay? Don't think about that. Just think of that night. The two of us, on the lawn. And when you feel me moving your wand, say the words. Got it?" She nodded and I smiled, going on tiptoes to kiss her cheek. "Okay, close your eyes. And just think of that."

I stayed as still as I could behind her, feeling her breathing begin to slow. When I thought she was about ready, I began to move her hand, making the wand motion faster than she had been before.

"Expecto patronum," she whispered. A white shape shot out of her wand. She flinched and it dissolved - but there was no doubt that it was there.

"You did it!" I exclaimed, hugging her tightly from behind and kissing her again on the cheek. "I told you!"

"I… I did…" She sounded more shocked than happy, but when she turned I found a massive grin on her face. "I did it! What was that, did you see?"

"No. Something with four legs, though. Let's try again - and don't jump this time when you see it!"

She nodded eagerly, spinning around and reaching for my hand. I gripped her wand with her, leaning up again to whisper in her ear.

"I love you."

"I love you too," she murmured, her eyes already closed and a wide smile on her face. I continued to whisper, recalling the conversation that was permanently ingrained in my head.

"I want this day to last forever. Just you and me," I murmured into her neck. "I hurt you, and I'm sorry… But I love you, Brittany."

I began to move her wand, and she said the words as quietly as before. The white creature appeared just as suddenly, but this time it didn't go away. It danced happily across the room on all fours, its whiskers and tail twitching before turning back to face us, its mouth open in what almost looked like a grin.

"An otter…"

It twirled once around us before setting off to dance around the room again. I lifted my wand, easily summoning that night back into my mind and producing my own leopard. It snarled, prowling for a moment until the otter swerved right between its legs, prompting a hasty, playful chase around all four corners of the room.

"Otters hold hands when they sleep, so they don't lose each other," Brittany said quietly. I moved my hands, twining them around both of hers as we watched our patronuses dance.

* * *

><p>Pato arrived back late the next day with mamá's reply. I was just popping into my dorm to collect clothes for the next day so I wouldn't have to come back in the morning just to change, and found him waiting patiently in the window that had been propped open. I opened the letter quickly, not wanting to take too long in case Brittany came looking for me.<p>

_Dear Santana,_

_I have made some enquiries at the Ministry, and you are correct that a muggle relations committee is being organised - it is following the recent amendments to the Statue of Secrecy. It is not due to begin until the New Year, but a secretarial post is being arranged prior to its setup. I have passed on Brittany's details with a personal recommendation, and Mrs. Macdonald has agreed to an interview next month, if that is convenient for her?_

_I hope you are well. Send Brittany my condolences regarding her quidditch trials - it is a difficult industry to get into. _

_Love, Mamá_

A wide grin spread over my face as I re-read the letter to make sure I'd got it right. For once, I was glad I had actually read the Daily Prophet when Quinn had shoved it in my face a few days ago and insisted I pay more attention to the news.

I knew I didn't want my family interfering with my own work at the Ministry. The more I thought about it, I wasn't sure I even wanted to go there, knowing that abuela would constantly be breathing down my neck. But for Brittany, that wouldn't be an issue. She just needed a foot in the door, so people could see how amazing she was. Once she had a job she'd be just fine - I just had to ask mamá for a little help on her behalf.

I fed Pato a few sweets from the bag I found on Niamh's bedside table, and as he took off to return to the owlery I turned to rush out of the dorm, the letter in my hand. It was only when I was halfway to the Room of Requirement that I realised I'd forgotten to pick up my clothes.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks to letswriteadodgytvshow for the info on astronomy and sports trials. I hope I got it all right. A little further explanation on Britt not succeeding at the quidditch trials: Brittany is an excellent seeker, but as has been shown before (the 5<strong>**th**** year quidditch final), she is not great at following team tactics which is kind of a necessity in professional quidditch. That, coupled with her nerves on the day and the odds being stacked against her in terms of numbers, resulted in her not being picked for further trials.**

**But anyway, apart from that I hope the chapter was enjoyable to read :)**


	36. Secrets Revealed

**Chapter 36: Secrets Revealed**

_May, Seventh Year_

"It's good to finally meet you, Brittany! Come in, come in!"

She was smiling at me widely, and I stepped into the office.

"Good to meet you too, Mrs Macdonald," I replied with a smile to match hers. I'd sent her quite a few owls over the past month, asking about muggle relations at the Ministry. Santana had been wonderful, doing this for me, but I'd wanted to find out about it for myself. She'd always sounded very friendly in her letters, and it was nice to see she was in real life too.

"Please, call me Gloria. Do have a seat. Can I get you any tea?"

"No thank you, I'm fine," I replied, settling down in the comfy seat opposite her desk. She bustled around to the other side, shuffling through a few piles of parchment before finally coming up with what I recognised as my letters.

"Well I have to say, Brittany, I'm very impressed by your perceptiveness in these letters. You seem to have a firm grasp of muggle relations and I can't say I have many worries about your knowledge in that area. Although, what are you predicted at NEWT level for Muggle Studies?"

"An O, I think. Professor Holliday says I should get an O, anyway."

"That's excellent, then. So, what I really wanted to discuss with you today were the more practical elements of the job, such as the changes to the Statute. I also remember you saying you don't have any experience of administrative work?"

"Not really," I admitted. She'd said in one of her letters that it shouldn't be too much of a problem because I'd be trained, but I'd still tried to think of something to tell her about that, to show I could do it well. "I helped my neighbour last summer with paperwork, though. She's a muggle, and her husband died, and she asked me to sort out his office for her. Oh, and I brought those notes I told you about," I added, reaching down into my bag to reach for the folder Santana had found for me a few days ago. I unclipped it and passed over several sheets of parchment that were covered in the Muggle Studies notes I'd made, partly for myself, but mostly to help Santana study. They were colour-coded, and everything was in an order that made sense, and I'd made sure to pick up the ones that didn't have any wrong spellings. It was the only way I could memorise things for exams, making notes like that. Otherwise I just got confused.

"Oh I see. Yes, these are very well done – organisation will be key in this role, and you obviously have a knack for it. And your descriptions of muggle items have just the right amount of description to help wizards understand. I'm very impressed. Did Holly help you?"

I thought back, but I couldn't remember any time when I'd needed Professor Holliday to help me explain something to Santana. "Not really. I'm just used to it. My… uh, my girlfriend, she's pureblood, and I grew up explaining things to her." For a moment I felt worried at how Gloria might react, and I had a sudden understanding of what Santana had always been so nervous about. I wanted to impress Gloria, I wanted this job. But I wouldn't lie about Santana. I couldn't just call her my best friend, like I'd been about to, when I'd talked to her so many times about being brave.

"Ah yes, that's Santana? Carlotta mentioned it," Gloria said, continuing to look through my notes.

I bit the inside of my lip to stop myself grinning. Santana's mum found it hard to talk to Santana or me about what was going on between us despite a brief discussion to confirm that we were done keeping it a secret. But she still managed to show that she was okay with it. I was so glad Santana had her, especially with her grandmother still being horrible about it.

"Well this all looks very promising, although of course I'll need to consult with my colleagues. Let's see… ah, I thought we could talk about the changes to the Statute of Secrecy, and the purpose of the committee. It doesn't come into action until the start of next year, but preparations will need to be made - for instance, the new regulations on keeping track of floo locations that have passed into muggle hands. Some in the Ministry argue that this can be done without any contact with muggles."

She was testing me, I could tell. But for once, I didn't feel nervous. I knew what the changes were; Santana and I had gone over them all last week, in between studying for NEWTs. I'd just ended up explaining everything to her - telling her how it would affect the muggles.

"It probably _could_ be done, but it would be much easier to make contact with muggles. They could announce a problem with certain chimneys and let the Ministry go in and close the floo down, without having to worry about being caught."

Gloria nodded, a small smile playing on her lips as she leaned back in her chair. I returned the smile. The nerves I'd felt at the hit witch tests, or the quidditch trials, were nowhere to be found. I wasn't great at some magic. I couldn't get amazing marks all the time like Santana. But talking about muggles was as easy as talking to Santana.

* * *

><p><em>1 week later<em>

I sighed as I finished reading the letter from Santana's grandmother. She held out a hand, and I sighed again. I didn't want to give it back to her. I didn't want her to pour over all that hate tonight when I was asleep. But it was her letter, so I handed it back over and she folded it before slipping it into her pocket. I leaned in to kiss her once on the cheek, passing on all my 'sorry's without having to say anything. She squeezed my hand under the table, sending me a brief, forced smile before returning her attention to the lighter reading in front of her.

"Oh. Apparently Berry's finally sent Finnocence packing. I guess she finally found out he's been hooking up with Niamh," she commented, glancing down the Slytherin table. Rachel was sitting alone, looking very miserable - especially considering how chirpy she normally was. It must have happened recently. It was kind of freaky how Jacob managed to publish the gossip so quickly in Hogweekly. The day after that party at the Shrieking Shack, when Santana had kissed me in front of all those people, there'd been a special issue to break the news to everyone who hadn't already heard.

"We should go talk to her."

Santana turned to me with a very confused expression. "What? Why?"

"Because she's been your roommate for seven years and you're not going to see her for ages once we leave," I reasoned. Also, it would get her mind off her grandmother.

"That's a _good_ thing."

"Come on, Santana. She's upset."

She sighed, but nodded, picking up an apple as we walked down the table, settling down opposite Rachel. She looked just as confused as Santana had a moment ago when she noticed us.

"Hi Rachel," I said cheerily. I reached for the giant cereal bowl nearby, picking up a handful of corn flakes and popping one into my mouth.

"Uh… hi Brittany. Santana," she added after a pause.

"Berry."

I nudged Santana's foot under the table, sending her a look that was meant to tell her to be nice. She rolled her eyes a little, but not enough that Rachel would be able to see unless she was looking closely.

"Rachel," she amended. "Sorry about Finn. He's a dick."

I glared at her again and she shrugged slightly at me. I felt like if she was speaking she'd be saying _well what do you want me to do? _But at least she didn't look sad anymore. I turned my attention back to Rachel.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

She looked up briefly from her cereal to shrug once. She really didn't look okay. She looked like she might burst into tears at any minute.

"I guess. I just… I have to get on with things. I have exams. I have to pass them to get into the Academy, and I can't mess up my chances of that. I have to focus on _me_," she said firmly.

I vaguely remembered a mention of some performing school in London that she'd auditioned for a while back, but to be honest I wasn't exactly sure what it was.

"Well that's good. Hey, you should come to the party. The one Puck's organising, the last one before exams start?"

"I don't think I should be partying the day before NEWTs…"

"No, no, it's not the day before. Exams start next Monday, right? And the party's the Thursday before, this Thursday. seventh years only - it is, isn't it?" I asked, turning to Santana. She nodded. "And there won't be loads to drink, either, I don't think. Everyone's gonna be there. You should come, it'll get your mind off things. That's what everyone else is doing – just coming to relax, and have fun."

"I… I guess maybe, I could. For a little bit. I might," Rachel said, staring down at her cereal again.

I smiled at her to try and cheer her up a little more, but got distracted by the arrival of a lone owl landing on the next Slytherin table down. I glanced down at it, then froze when I realised I recognised it as exactly the same type of brown owl the Ministry always used. It turned, wide eyes finding mine, then hopped down the table until it was right in front of me and dropped its letter. It looked up at me again, and just like the one I'd received before about quidditch, it didn't move until I reached out to pick up the envelope. Then it turned abruptly, spreading its wings and taking off without disturbing anything else on the table.

I wondered for a moment why this owl was later than the rest of the post, but then I fully realised what I was holding. It had been a week since my interview. That was exactly how long she'd said it would be before she could get back to me. But this past week had gone by so fast. I hadn't even been counting the days. Santana had turned to look straight at me, and I could see that even Rachel was distracted from her sadness enough to be staring curiously. I turned the envelope over to see where the flap was stuck down. My hands were shaking just as much as they had been the last time I'd got a letter like this. All the confidence I'd felt at my interview dissolved into nothingness, and I was just left thinking of everything I'd done wrong. What if I'd been too informal? What if my revision notes had been wrong? What if I'd said something stupid and not realised it? It wouldn't be the first time.

"Brittany."

My head jerked up, but I calmed the moment I found Santana's warm, brown eyes. Her hands clasped my wrists gently to stop my shaking. She didn't even blink. She just stared at me. She didn't say anything, either. But I could tell what she was thinking. She thought I'd got the job. And even if I hadn't, she wouldn't care. We'd find something together.

I nodded, to show I understood, then tore my eyes from her to return to the letter. I ripped the top open slowly, pulling the familiar parchment out. I took one last deep breath, then opened it at an angle so that Santana could see as well.

_Dear Miss Pierce,_

_I am very happy to offer you the position of Administrative Assistant at the Muggle Liaison Office in the Department of Magical-_

I didn't get any further than that before Santana had barrelled into me, her arms tightening around me. She crashed her lips against mine, not caring that we were in the middle of breakfast and all of Hogwarts could see us. I kissed her back hard, both of my hands still clutching the letter. I felt like I was swelling inside - like someone had set off a thousand balloons in my stomach and now I was floating. I'd done it. With Santana's help, of course. But this was it. I'd actually been better than everyone else. I wasn't mediocre, or barely scraping a pass. I'd been the _best_.

"Thank you," I whispered the moment Santana pulled away. She just laughed and shook her head.

"Thank you to me? For what? This is you, Britt, this is all you. You're amazing, and someone else saw it, and now you're going places."

"You are too, with your hit witch thing," I pointed out, unable to stop grinning as I glanced down to see the rest of the letter. Terms of employment, the date of a meeting…

"I… yeah, I guess," Santana replied, and even through my bubble of pure happiness I could sense the uncertainty in her voice. I'd been trying to support her in becoming a hit witch since she'd passed the tests, even though I still wasn't really that keen on it. I opened my mouth to ask, but she cut me off before I could say anything. "But this isn't about me. This is _you_. I'm so proud of you," she added in a quieter tone.

I didn't think I could smile any wider, but with those words and the look she was giving me I grinned even bigger, before leaning in to kiss her again.

* * *

><p><em>3 days later<em>

"Come on, this way!" Brittany called back to an empty corridor.

"I can't believe we're doing this," I muttered, glancing back to see the slight ripple in the air that indicated where Puck was with his keg, under the disillusionment charm.

"Are you sure you want to?" Brittany asked quietly, pausing for a second to look at me.

I smiled and nodded, tapping our joined hands with my thumb as I pulled her back into a brisk walking pace.

"So long as it's not _our_ room everyone's in. It's not like we're going to be in it much now anyway, it might as well be put to good use," I reasoned. It still felt weird, though. The Room of Requirement had been our secret since first year. But when Puck had mentioned he wished someone had been able to find it over the last seven years because it would have been a great place for a party, Brittany had given me this look and I'd known what was going to happen. Besides, we were still the only ones who knew exactly how to get in.

We paused at the appropriate location and I released Brittany's hand to start pacing back and forth. I kept my mind as far as possible from the usual thoughts of Brittany and Tony, and instead concentrated on the Shrieking Shack at night, and the Slytherin common room after quidditch victories, somewhere we wouldn't be found, a large space for lots of people… It was hard, though, to keep my mind from Brittany when she was everything I associated with the Room of Requirement.

"It's there," Brittany said, her voice breaking through my thoughts. I turned to find the familiar door, reaching for her hand again as I pushed it open and stepped through. I could hear Puck huffing behind us as he struggled with the keg, but I was distracted by the sight in front of us. I'd never seen the Room of Requirement like this before. It was huge, with walls that were distinctly similar to the ones in the Shrieking Shack – although they were at least clean. In the middle was a large dance floor, to the right was a (disappointingly empty) bar, and at the far end were several sofas and the familiar stone fireplace from the Slytherin common room. Dim, slightly green lighting lit the entire room.

"You kept this place secret for _seven years_?" Puck exclaimed from behind, dropping the keg to the floor with a loud clunk. I turned to see the disillusionment charm had disappeared. He'd shut the door behind him and was already moving past us both, swivelling to take in the whole room. "We could have had all our parties here! No detentions from being caught sneaking out to the Whomping Willow!"

Brittany moved closer to me from behind to rest her chin on my shoulder, her arms wrapping around my waist.

"We had other uses for it," she replied, turning her head to kiss me on the cheek.

I was painfully aware of Puck's raised eyebrow and wide smirk.

"No thanks then, Puck? We've just got you the best party location you've ever had, and you're just going to complain?"

He laughed, pulling the rucksack off his back and reaching into it to pull out two bottles, holding them out to us.

"Here, then. Two bottles for my two favourite ladies, for finding the perfect room. Even if it did take you seven years to tell me."

* * *

><p>The party had only been going for an hour, and I'd lost count of the amount of people marvelling at the Room of Requirement. I curled up closer to Brittany, resting my head on her arm as we listened to Quinn enthuse all about her training in Egypt to be a cursebreaker. There was a small group of us sitting next to the fireplace; Mike and Tina were on the sofa opposite ours, and even Rachel was there, sitting next to Quinn and showing great interest in all things Egyptian. Apparently her dads had taken her the previous summer. The music was quieter than usual, and altogether it was a rather subdued party compared to our normal ones, but it was nice. Karofsky wasn't even about to cause havoc – I had no idea where he'd disappeared to, but frankly I didn't care. Everyone was already stressed enough by the upcoming exams and various job interviews – mine included – but tonight we were all forgetting them and just having fun.<p>

I went to take a sip from my beer but found it was empty, and shifted slightly to move away from Brittany.

"I'm just going to get another drink," I murmured quietly, not wanting to interrupt Rachel's spiel about the treasures Quinn might uncover. I'd noticed Finn lurking nearby for the last hour, and somehow even I preferred enthusiastic Rachel to depressed, about-to-cry Rachel who could very easily return if Finn got the chance to but in. "Do you want anything?"

Brittany shook her head, smiling as she waved her still half-full bottle. I kissed her once before rising, heading across the room to the bar. Puck was caught in between about ten different people demanding he tell them how to open the room, and he winked at me as I passed. He might have an idea how to get in from seeing me open it earlier, but he wasn't telling. Brittany and I had already agreed that the only person we would explain it properly to was her sister. I was just reaching for a bottle from the bar that had gained a lot of stock since I'd seen it this morning, when someone bounded up next to me and grabbed my arm.

"Santana!"

I almost dropped the bottle as I spun to find Kurt standing in front of me. He was still in his uniform, and I was sure that earlier he'd said he wasn't even coming to the party.

"I got in!" He brandished a letter in the air and I caught a brief glimpse of the St. Mungo's crest. "I'm officially a trainee healer!"

"Kurt, that's fantastic!" Normally I wasn't really one for hugs apart from with Brittany and occasionally Quinn, but I leaned in anyway to wrap my arms around him. After all the trouble he'd had at Hogwarts, I was so glad he'd achieved his ambition. "Hey, that means you'll be in London with me and Britt! You'll have to visit sometime. Come on, come join us," I said, not really giving him a choice when I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him across the room, back to where the others were. I slid in next to Brittany and he sat in the armchair nearby. "Kurt got into St. Mungo's," I told Brittany.

"Well done, Kurt!" she exclaimed, jumping up to hug him without any hesitation and almost knocking my drink to the floor in the process. Her actions prompted questions from the rest of our group, and soon congratulations were going all around. As the party got gradually louder and the music turned up, I tuned out everyone else and turned to Brittany instead. I found her already watching me, a small smile on her face. I snuggled into her side, lifting my lips to her ear to whisper.

"This place is great. But I kinda miss our room already," I admitted. I started to trace the outline of the hand she had on my knee with two fingers, running over the ridges of her bones.

"Me too," she murmured back. Her eyes shifted away from me to look over at our companions. I looked too, and found Rachel and Kurt laughing loudly at something Quinn had just said, while Mike and Tina were locked at the lips on the other sofa. "Hey, look! There's a door over there. We should see what's in it."

I turned in surprise to find she was right – there was a door there that definitely hadn't been present before. And the Room of Requirement did have a habit of coming up with whatever we needed. I nodded eagerly, jumping up from the sofa and pulling her up after me. She lifted her hand and spun me around, and I laughed as I stumbled away from the sofas towards the nearby door. She was giggling into my shoulder as I reached for the handle and pushed it open. I turned as I did so to snake an arm around her and pull her inside, shutting the door firmly behind us.

"It is!" Brittany exclaimed loudly.

I turned again and realised we literally were in the same place the Room of Requirement normally summoned for us. Photos covered the walls, and various Hufflepuff and Slytherin uniform parts were piled untidily into the wardrobe, its broken door hanging open as usual. Even the sound from the party outside was silenced. The only difference I noticed was when I found myself facing Brittany again. I leaned up to kiss her softly, reaching around her as I did to turn the key in the shiny new lock.


	37. Promises

**Chapter 37: Promises**

_June, Seventh Year_

Sitting in a giant office with three old men, even when one of them looked as if he was about to fall asleep any minute, was a lot more intimidating than I had anticipated. I recognised two of them from various Ministry events I'd been dragged along to in the past, but I'd never seen the bald man in the middle who was asking all the questions.

"Can you describe a situation in which you have led a team?" he asked, staring straight at me.

I did my best to smile and remind myself that I was Santana Lopez; I could do anything they threw at me. And I could definitely answer this question.

"I've been the Slytherin quidditch captain for three years - deciding on tactics, picking who's on the team. We've won the cup for the past two years."

"Not this year?"

I tried to hide my wince at the memory of the thrashing we'd received from Ravenclaw earlier in the week, shortly after the last NEWTs had finished.

"One of our beaters left Hogwarts, and I had trouble finding a good enough replacement at short notice. We still placed second, though."

The man nodded once, but gave no sign in his expression of whether that was a decent answer or not. He glanced briefly at his notes, jotting something down, and I wished I could see what he'd written. I kept my hands clasped tightly in my lap, forcing myself not to fidget. I reminded myself that however uncomfortable this was, at least abuela hadn't interfered this time. She'd made the point to write me _another_ angry letter - fortunately not a howler - saying that as long as I continued to bring shame to the family name, I should expect no more assistance from her in my dream of becoming a hit witch. I didn't think she realised that was what I'd wanted all along.

"Joining the forces of hit witches and hit wizards requires a large contribution of time and effort. As you may already know, you will be in placed in London for at least the first and last months of your training, however you will also need to be prepared for a fair amount of travel. What is your attitude to this?"

I tried to hide my surprise, my thoughts immediately going to Brittany. "So I'd be away from London for ten months? But I'd be able to visit, right?"

"On a few occasions. But as a hit witch you must be prepared to travel at short notice, and you may well be placed away from London and even outside the country - at Azkaban, for example, or at our European posts. Training is designed to help you adjust to this lifestyle. Will this be a problem?" he asked, one thick eyebrow rising. For a moment I was distracted, wondering how he could have so much hair on his eyebrows and yet none on the top of his head. Then I brought myself back to the moment at hand.

"No, of course not," I said quickly. What else was I meant to say? _Sorry, but I can't leave my girlfriend for ten months_. I dug my nails into the palm of one hand, trying to hold in my concern at that prospect. What would she say? And what if I got placed abroad? I couldn't leave her behind, but I couldn't force her to move with me.

"Well, I think that about wraps it up. Do you have any questions for us?"

I did. I'd thought of some, earlier, knowing you were meant to show interest or whatever it was in interviews. I struggled to remember, but all I could think of was having to leave Brittany for so long.

"Uh… what exactly happens in the training?"

The man in the middle nudged the one on his left, whose eyes flicked open.

"Training."

"Oh! Yes, training," the sleepy man said, sitting up straight. "It starts in August. Well, we can't tell you everything. But at first you'll learn basic skills in duelling, stealth, investigation etc. Then you'll team up with the new auror recruits for a little while, to travel to several of our posts around the country. You'll trail current hit witches and wizards, and then at the end of the year you'll return to London for some final tests and a Head Office placement."

"Okay, thanks." They weren't joking about a lot of travelling. I couldn't think of the rest of my questions, though. "That's all. Oh, no. When will I hear back?"

"We'll owl you at some point next week," the bald man in the middle replied, already rising from his seat and holding out his hand to shake. "It was good to meet you, Miss Lopez."

"You too," I said with a brief smile. I made sure to shake the others' hands as well before turning to leave. I walked away from the room and quickly found the lift. For once it was empty, and I was glad. I slumped against the side, breathing heavily. It was over, now. It was over, and I could go back to Brittany and forget all about it until next week.

* * *

><p><em>1 week later<em>

"Santana! Santana, have you seen Lord Tubbington?"

The familiar voice burst out as the door to our dorm slammed open, making Rachel jump. I hurried over to Brittany who was standing in the doorway, swivelling her head.

"No, why? You can't find him?" I asked, seeing how panicked she looked straight away.

"No!" she wailed, dropping to her knees and turning her head to look under all the beds on the left, then the right. "He's disappeared! I went to shut him in the bathroom so I could find him easily later, but he wasn't sleeping where he normally does! I've looked everywhere - he's not in Hufflepuff! So I thought he might have come here, b-but…"

I leaned over and pulled her back to her feet, giving her a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry, Britt. We'll go look for him now, okay?"

She glanced behind me, and obviously saw the mess that was scattered all over my bed and surrounding floor.

"But-"

"Don't worry about packing, I'll just charm it all in if I need to. Come on, let's go find him," I said, taking her hand and pulling her back towards the door. That was all the encouragement she needed, then she was surging ahead and I was the one following. I paused in the common room, tugging at her hand to check where Lord Tubbington normally lay by the fire, but he wasn't there. It wasn't that surprising, to be honest. Normally he was only in Slytherin when Brittany was staying the night, although I still had no idea how he got in to start with.

"Do you have anything to tempt him with? Food?" I asked. Brittany shook her head, so when we exited the common room I led us down the corridor that led to the elf kitchens. He might even be there already, but if not we could at least get some of his favourite snacks to try and lure him out of wherever he was hiding.

"I don't think he wants to leave Hogwarts. He was meowing all last night when I was packing. He kept climbing inside my suitcase and getting in the way," Brittany said as we walked. "It's like he knows we're not coming back, he's never been like this before when we've left for the year. He wants to stay."

"Well he doesn't really have a choice in the matter, does he? He'll like it just fine in London once we're there," I assured her, reaching out a hand to tickle the pear in the portrait in front of us. I tried not to think too much on the matter of London as I said it. I felt guilty. I hadn't told Brittany yet about having to travel away from her. I still didn't know what to do about the job. On the one hand, it would be an adventure, and my parents would be happy - I might even get a congratulations from abuela. I knew I'd be good at it – it was perfect for me. I'd be good at it, _and_ I'd enjoy it. But then I'd think about it again, and I couldn't imagine ten whole months away from Brittany - especially when I knew she'd be worrying about me the whole time. The thought of being stationed abroad once I was trained was even worse. There was no way I was going to ask her to leave her job at the Ministry to join me. That position was perfect for her, and I would never take that away from her.

"Lord Tubbington?" Brittany called as we stepped further into the elf kitchens, sighing when he didn't emerge. She peered around instead for the few house elves who knew us by name. "Rosey? Adie?"

Adie popped up from behind a table and hurried over, grinning up at us cheerfully with a large spun resting against his shoulder like a sword.

"Yes, Misses?"

"Have you seen my cat, Lord Tubbington?"

Adie's eyes widened and he shook his head vehemently. "Animals are not allowed with the food! Adie is not a bad house elf, Adie would not let a cat stay here!"

Brittany's face fell, and I quickly stepped in. "Could we get some biscuits? The chocolate ones? Oh, and a cake too. Ginger."

"Yes miss, straight away miss!" Adie exclaimed, spinning on one foot and rushing off towards some cupboards to our left.

"But Lord Tubbington doesn't like ginger cake, remember?" Brittany said.

"I remember. But you like it. And if he's got onto the roof again, we're going to need all the energy we can find to get him down without being mauled."

"Lord Tubbington wouldn't maul anyone!" Brittany objected. "He's a lovely cat, he was just scared last time!"

"I know, Britt," I said, taking the two small cakes that Adie had returned with and handing one to her. I thanked him, tucking the container of biscuits under my arm, and we turned back towards the exit. "Where next? The Great Hall? He might be scrounging food there. Or the owlery."

"No, he doesn't like either of those places. He's very sensitive, he doesn't like a lot of noise. And he got pecked on the nose the last time he went to the owlery."

"The library then?"

"I guess we can try there," Brittany agreed, looking thoroughly miserable. "What happens if we don't find him? I can't leave him behind. He'll get so lonely!"

"Brittany, I said before. We'll find him. I promise," I said, turning so I was walking backwards down the corridor, but I could look her in the eye. "We'll stay after the train and just floo home, if we have to. We're not going to leave him behind."

She nodded, nibbling at a corner of the cake as her eyes darted around, never stopping her search. As soon as we arrived at the library, I could tell he wouldn't be in there. It only ever got this full at the end of the year, with people returning books they'd found under beds or buried in suitcases, and trying to talk their way out of being fined. It was the only time that the silence rule was unenforced. We looked around anyway, me shaking the box of biscuits and both of us calling his name, but he was nowhere to be found. Next we tried the owlery anyway, but that was just as manic with everyone collecting their owls. I was glad I'd fetched Pato yesterday afternoon. Then empty classrooms, and the Astronomy Tower, and the Hospital Wing (although Madam Pillsbury made it clear that cats were even less likely to be found in her rooms than they were in the kitchens).

It was becoming harder and harder to think of places we hadn't checked, and I had to admit I was getting a bit worried too. Yes, we could floo home if need be, but that would be a pain, and I didn't want to miss our last journey on the Hogwarts Express.

When I realised what corridor we were on, I tugged on Brittany's hand and made her pace with me, back and forth three times. I didn't think of our usual room, as much as I wanted to - instead I thought of Lord Tubbington, and finding him, and making Brittany stop worrying. The Room of Requirement had never failed us yet – maybe it could just show us what room he was in. When the door appeared we walked through together, but I stopped when I saw what was there, Brittany bumping into me from behind.

It was our usual room. Even though I hadn't thought of it. And curled up asleep right in the middle of our bed was Lord Tubbington.

"Lord T!" Brittany cried out, rushing forward to scoop him up. He responded with a yowl, squirming to get free, but Brittany refused to let him go, kissing him again and again on the top of his head. "You had me so worried! You can't do that, okay? You can't hide! I know you don't want to leave, I don't either, but we have to."

"You don't want to leave?" I repeated quietly, closing the door behind us. Brittany had sat down, Lord Tubbington finally placid in her hold, and I slid onto the bed behind her. I eyed him for a moment, and he glared back, letting me know he would never explain the secret of how he had got into our room. "You're not excited about your job?" I asked, returning to a matter that was more important than Brittany's stupid hiding cat.

"Oh, no, of course I am," she replied. "But... it's still sad, leaving. We've had seven whole years here. And there's been so many great things happen - sad things, too. But it was our time. We made it through it all, and it's going to be strange. We'll move in together in London, and we'll have a bathroom just to ourselves. No one will be able to walk in if I forget to lock the door," she added with a grin.

I smiled back, resting my hands on her shoulders and just letting her talk.

"But it won't be the same as the Prefects' Bathroom. And this - all of this," she said, sweeping her hand around our room. "We could make a room exactly the same in our flat. But it still wouldn't feel right. We won't have to hide from Professor Sylvester when we sneak into it at night. We won't have to walk next to the tapestry to summon it. And I'll miss that walk. It sounds silly."

I shook my head, moving my hands to hug her from behind.

"It's not silly," I assured her quietly.

She sighed. "It's just… whenever I do that walk, I just think of everything we've done in this room. I like that. And I'll miss pulling you along because I don't want to let go of your hand. It's just... it's all the little things. Nothing's going to be the same as this again. We've got so many happy memories in here," she murmured, looking around again.

I reached down for her hands, not caring about disturbing Lord Tubbington. He meowed once in protest.

"We'll make new memories, though. We'll get to make new special places. I don't care about the rooms here - well, okay, I really wish you could access the Room of Requirement from anywhere," I admitted. "And I'm definitely going to miss the size of the prefects' bath. But it's you. You're the one that makes everything special, Britt. It's you - us. Us, together, that's what's special."

Brittany sniffed, nodding as she leaned back into me. I released her hands to wrap my arms firmly around her, holding her close.

"What could be our new special place, then?" she asked quietly. "It could be, like... a garden. I think I'd like a garden."

"We probably won't get an actual garden in London," I reminded her, the guilt rising up again inside me.

"I know. So... maybe a balcony. We can have flowers there. In pots. Then we can take our special place wherever we go, and we won't have to worry about leaving it behind."

I sighed, my eyes on the ceiling, and she turned her head straight away to look at me.

"What is it? It doesn't have to be a garden, it can be something else."

"That's not it," I said, feeling the guilt claw its way up my throat. "It's… it's this job. I don't even know if I've got it yet." She waited patiently for me to speak, her gaze never wavering from my face. "I won't be in London."

"_What_?"

She jerked out of my arms to spin around and look at me properly, eyes wide. Lord Tubbington screeched his disapproval loudly when he fell off her lap, jumping back onto the bed and pawing at her sleeve. She ignored him for once, instead just continuing to stare at me.

"But… but what about us living together? Where are you going to be? For how long?"

"Ten months," I whispered, hating the expression of anguish on her face but unable to look away. "I don't know where I'll be. I'll be moving about."

"But how will I know you're okay? What if you get hurt, who's going to look after you?" Brittany asked, and I could see her old anxieties about me being a hit witch rising up again. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"B-because…" I struggled to find a way to explain it. "Because I don't know if I've got the job yet, and I didn't want to worry you. I don't even know if I want this job if I have to leave you."

"But you were so sure about it…"

I shrugged, uncomfortable under her gaze. It felt like she could see right into me - and she probably could.

"I don't want to leave you for ten months. I don't want to risk us, just for a job. I only looked at the Ministry because of my parents, and abuela. I might not even be in London once I'm done with training," I admitted, feeling a tear fall down my face. Every doubt I'd had about this was rising up. I quickly wiped the tear away. "What then? You have your job there. I'll have my job wherever. And we won't get to see each other, and we'll talk less and less, and-" I had to pause to rub a hand at my face again to get rid of the tears. "And then you'll meet someone, someone who's better than me, and everything we've had here will be for nothing…"

"Santana." Her hands cupped my face gently, forcing me to look at her again. I blinked quickly several times, trying to stop any more tears from falling. I hadn't meant to cry. I'd wanted to explain everything to her calmly, and now she was just comforting me. I was being a terrible girlfriend. "Listen to me, Santana."

I nodded, biting my lip and focusing on her.

"Look… I don't want you to do this job. I don't. I'm scared you'll get hurt, and I hate the thought of not seeing you for ten months. But if you decide to do it, I'm going to help all I can, okay? I can't promise we'll come out okay at the end. I don't know the future. Probably even Professor Fernsby couldn't tell us that. But this is my promise, okay? I promise that I will never let you go without fighting to keep you. I love you, Santana. I love you more than anything else, and I never ever want to lose you. So if you get this job, and you take it, and you leave for ten months. We'll manage. We'll owl. I'll visit you and you'll visit me. We'll make the most of every minute we have together."

"But what if I'm sent abroad after training? What then?" I whispered.

"We'll work it out. There are muggles all over the world, remember. If I have to move to be with you, I will."

"No, no, you can't do that-" I objected, but she cut me off.

"I'll do what I have to, to keep us together. Maybe I won't have to. Maybe we'll find some other way. But you and me, we can work it out. I just… I just need you to promise me something."

I nodded straight away. I knew better than to respond "anything" before she'd even told me. I would promise anything, but she'd insist that I heard it first before agreeing.

"Promise me, that if you do this, you're doing it for yourself, because you want to. Not for your parents. Not for your grandmother. This has to be for you, okay?"

I was hit with more uncertainty, but how could I refuse such a simple request? I couldn't refuse Brittany anything.

"I promise."

* * *

><p>I woke with Santana curled up next to me and Lord Tubbington purring in my ear. We were both still dressed in our uniforms, and I remembered falling asleep in her arms last night as she sang to me. I smiled at the memory, which was interrupted by a lick to my cheek.<p>

"Tubbs," I mumbled, reaching up to brush him away, but he took it as an invitation to climb onto my shoulder and then plop himself down right between me and Santana, forcing us apart as he stretched, still purring loudly. Santana stirred and I shuffled up the bed a little so I could lean around Lord Tubbington and kiss her forehead. He meowed and head-butted my chin, then without warning jumped over Santana as well and off the bed, padding across the room. He turned as I watched his movements, sitting down right next to the door. He was completely still for all of five seconds, and then he started to meow.

Santana huffed sleepily as I climbed out of bed to open the door for him, but halfway across the room I froze when I realised what day it was. I felt suddenly numb as I murmured to him.

"I… sorry, Lord Tubbington. I can't let you go hide again, we have to leave soon."

Behind me I heard the rustle of sheets as Santana sat up suddenly.

"We have to leave…" she echoed.

I turned back to her, crawling back onto the bed and up to pull her into a hug.

"I don't want to," I whispered into her hair.

"Me neither."

"I wish we could stay here forever. You and me, in this room. And Lord Tubbington."

"Really? Lord Tubbington?" Santana replied with a raised eyebrow.

I jabbed her in the ribs, trying to smile rather than cry at the thought of leaving this place.

"You love him really."

"Fine, fine. The cat can stay," she acceded.

We were silent for several minutes, just lying in each others' arms and ignoring Lord Tubbington's plaintive mewls. All I could think of was the fact that we'd never see this room again. Or if we did, it wouldn't be for a very long time. So many places we wouldn't see again. People, too. I wouldn't be able to just hunt in the library if I wanted to find Quinn. I wouldn't be able to talk quidditch with Mike in the Great Hall.

The thought of not having Santana was the worst, though. We'd always had each other. Even when we weren't talking for a little while in fifth year, I still saw her all the time. Even if she wasn't happy, she was safe. But if she went ahead with becoming a hit witch, I'd be terrified every day, and I wouldn't even get to see her. I couldn't hold her back, though. I couldn't hold her back because of my fears, when she'd worked so hard to overcome her own.

"We have to go. You haven't even finished packing," I reminded her.

She groaned quietly, but slowly sat up, and I rose with her. I slid off the side of the bed, turning to pull the cover straight, then realised I didn't need to since we wouldn't be coming back. I ducked instead to hunt out my shoes from under the bed, finding my tie there as well and looping it once around my neck so I wouldn't lose it again. Lord Tubbington was getting louder now, even resorting to scratching the door, and I reached down to pick him up, hugging him tight. He purred in my hold, rubbing his head against my shoulder, and I wished I could feel his satisfaction as I stood with Santana at the door, looking over our room. It was so much harder than I'd expected.

"It's us, remember. It's us that makes things special, not this place," Santana said quietly.

"Us," I whispered. I turned my head to take in everything I possibly could about our room. I remembered every change, right back to when it had just been a replica of Tony's bedroom, the first night we'd spent in here. Then I turned, opened the door, and stepped out before I could delay any more. I heard it click shut behind me, and when I turned around there was just Santana, standing in front of a stone wall.

I wanted to hold her hand, or have some sort of contact, except I couldn't let go of Lord Tubbington. But we'd only taken a few steps when Santana's arm made its way around my waist, holding us close as we descended through Hogwarts.

We stopped off in my dorm first. I'd already packed everything and it had been whisked away, leaving only Lord Tubbington's basket on top of the mattress. He struggled as we pushed him inside, yowling loudly, asking why he had to go in this tiny space.

"Sorry, Tubbs," I whispered through the wire front. He meowed once, sounding as sad as I'd ever heard him. "I know, I'm sorry. But it's time for us to go."

Next was the Slytherin dorm. Every other bed was tidily packed away, with the exception of Santana's, which still had a suitcase open at the end and everything else scattered around her corner of the room.

"Pack!" she said firmly, sending everything straight into her suitcase so that it piled high. I had to put down Lord Tubbington's basket to help sit on it to close it, but finally that was done too, and left for the house elves to move.

"I guess breakfast is all that's left," Santana said, forcing a smile as we walked through the Slytherin common room. There were still a few other stragglers running about, trying to find lost items, but almost everyone would be in the Great Hall by now for our last meal at Hogwarts. It felt so weird, thinking that - but it was 'last' everything, today.

I paused at the entrance to the Great Hall, turning to look at Santana.

"Where should we sit?"

It seemed like the most important thing - where should we sit for our very last meal? We'd never get the chance to choose this again.

"We'd be eating at Slytherin anyway today. Let's stick with tradition?" she suggested.

I nodded in agreement, unable to make a decision for myself, and we walked to the green table. It was a bit more difficult than normal to find a place to sit together, since no one was sleeping in or missing breakfast to do last-minute homework. The train left at eleven on the dot, and the house elves made sure that everyone was up when they should be so no one was left behind.

"Santana, you've got a letter!" Puck shouted as we settled in a few seats down from him. He lifted it up and threw it in our direction, and only my hand darting out stopped it from landing in someone's cereal.

"Watch it, Puck!"

"What? You should've been here in time for the owls!" he called back. Santana said something in response, but I didn't hear what, because I was too busy examining the envelope with its Ministry of Magic seal.

"Santana, look."

She turned back to me and the teasing smile fell off her face at the sight of the envelope.

"Today? They had to send it _today_?" she muttered under her breath as she reached out for it. She ripped open the envelope quickly, holding out the folded letter in front of us so I could see as while. Then she flipped it open.

_Dear Miss Lopez,_

_Congratulations on being accepted to the training programme for Hit Wizards and Witches, beginning on the 1st August…_

I stopped reading, and just searched her face for a reaction instead. She looked happy. Sort of. But she also looked uncertain. She noticed me watching her as she folded up the letter, and gave me a weak smile.

"I need to think, Brittany. I'll tell you as soon as I've decided."

It made me glad, that she wasn't jumping straight into it. She was taking her promise seriously, and I had to trust her to make the right decision.

* * *

><p><em>"Last call for Hogsmeade to London King's Cross!"<em>

The voice of the train conductor echoed along the platform as he marched down it, ushering the remaining students quickly onboard. Our compartment was very squashed - none of us had wanted to break off into a separate compartment, so I was between Santana and Quinn, with Kurt on Quinn's other side next to the door. Opposite were Puck, Mike, Tina and Rachel. The two girls were deep in conversation about some muggle music club they were a part of, while Mike was explaining his quidditch placement with the Ballycastle Bats to Puck. Quinn and Kurt were discussing St. Mungo's.

Santana and I were the only ones being quiet. I turned to her and found her staring down at the envelope that was already slightly crumpled, her head resting on the glass of the window. I didn't want to interrupt her thinking so I tuned into Tina and Rachel's conversation instead. Unfortunately, they hadn't heard of much of my dad's music. I didn't understand why – just because it was old, didn't mean it wasn't good.

The conversation moved on. We all talked about jobs, and NEWTs, and where we'd be living next year. Every time I looked at my watch it felt like it should only have been five minutes, but half an hour had gone by. Time was passing too quickly.

Then we started remembering. Santana put her letter away and joined in too. Quidditch games. Feasts in the Great Hall. Parties - so many parties. We talked, and talked, and I wished this train journey could go on forever.

The conversation didn't fade until the evening as first Tina, then everyone else, dozed off. I rested my head on Santana's shoulder, closing my eyes to try and take a nap as well, but she spoke after only a few seconds.

"Brittany?"

"Mm?"

"Let's take a walk? I want some fresh air."

I heard the seriousness in her tone, and knew this wasn't just about fresh air. She'd made a decision, and she wanted to talk where no one would overhear us. Heaviness settled into my stomach but I lifted my head from her shoulder to nod. I let her lead me out of the compartment by the hand and we walked down the narrow corridor of the train together. When we reached the end of the carriage she moved towards the door, sticking her head out of the open window and breathing in slowly. I wanted to cuddle up behind her, but I couldn't. I felt too tense. I had to know.

"Santana, please tell me."

She sighed, turning away from the window to face me instead, reaching out for my other hand as well. I could see she was nervous, but she never looked away from my face.

"I've… I've been thinking. A lot," she started quietly. "And I'm going to take the job."

My heart plummeted, but I nodded, trying desperately not to look too sad. She'd done what I'd asked her to. I guess I was just hoping she'd decide she was doing it for the wrong reasons.

"I want it. I'd want to do this, even if it wasn't at the Ministry, even if I had to go against my parents to do it. And I hate the thought of leaving you for so long, but… we'll get through it, right? Like you said?" she asked, biting her lip as she stared up at me.

I looked at her for a moment, then pulled my hands away from hers.

"I've changed my mind."

"_What_?"

She looked terrified, and I quickly realised I'd phrased that badly.

"Oh, no, not that. I meant, about my promise. How I said I couldn't promise we'd be alright. But I don't care if I can't tell the future." I lifted my right hand, holding out only my little finger. I could hear the whistle of the train, and I knew we were close to King's Cross. "Santana, I promise we're going to be okay. I don't care what happens. The only important thing is you. That's all I'm sure about. So I promise, we're going to make it. Do you promise too?"

I could see tears in her eyes again, but she was smiling. The train was slowing down. Noise was starting to come from the nearby compartments as people woke up, getting ready to leave. In five minutes we'd be off this train, and Hogwarts would be over. But we had so much more to come, and I was determined to do it all with Santana.

Her hand rose, her little finger linking with mine and squeezing lightly as she beamed up at me.

"I promise."

_It's gonna be a bumpy ride_

_But it sure beats standing still_

* * *

><p><strong>I don't want to end this with a massive AN, so I'm going to try and keep this quite short. You can find a longer message to everyone who's read this story on my tumblr (laurasfantasia. tumblr. com), but in short, thank you so much for reading to the end.<strong>

**I have no plans to write a sequel. I will be writing other short HP!Brittana pieces, and I have another long Brittana fic planned that I should start posting mid-September. I also have a LOT of headcanon for what happens to Brittana and other characters in the future, so if you want to know any of that, send me an ask on tumblr or review with an account I can PM. **

**Lyrics are of course from the theme song for this story, Bumpy Ride by The Hoosiers. If you haven't listened to it already, go do so now.**

**Okay, I'm going to end this now. THANK YOU EVERYONE.**


	38. Epilogue: New Beginnings

_**EPILOGUE**_

**Chapter 38: New Beginnings**

_December, 12 years later_

"Mummy! Mamá! It's Chriiiiiistmaaaaas!"

Something landed with a thump on my leg and I groaned into my pillow. Before I could open my mouth to protest, the heavy weight crawled up and started shaking my shoulder.

"Mummy, Mummy! You gotta wake up!"

I cracked my eyes open to catch a glimpse of our son grinning down at me with glittering eyes, then he rolled, straight into Santana and on top of her.

"Mamá! Christmas Day! Father Christmas came, he left me _loads_ of presents!"

"Happy Christmas Joey," Santana mumbled, blinking several times as she slowly lifted herself into a sitting position. "Is your sister up yet?"

"Emily's still in bed, reading. She's boring. She said not to wake you, but it's Christmas!"

"Well you can tell her she can come in here as well. I'm sure if you ask nicely she'll help you with your stocking."

"Don't need help from her!" Joseph shouted as he tumbled off the other side of the bed, sprinting out of the room. I heard his shrill shout echo across the hallway. "Emily, get up! Es Navidad!"

Santana sighed, and I reached across to take her hand.

"It'll be fine, don't worry," I murmured.

A few moments later, Joseph appeared again, his blue stocking bulging with presents. It dragged along the floor as he struggled to pull it into the room, and a soft, lilting voice called from behind him.

"Joseph, do you need any help?"

"No!"

Emily entered the room a second later, carrying her own, brand new stocking. She was biting her lip, her eyes following Joseph as he scrambled back up onto the bed, but as her gaze shifted to me, and then Santana, her eyes shone. She hurried over to hug me, murmuring 'Happy Christmas' in one ear, then walked around the bed to do the same for Santana. Lifting Joseph's stocking onto the bed for him prompted a fierce scowl in her direction – but fortunately he then realised the significance of having everyone in the room and stockings on the bed, because he bounced up onto his knees.

"Presents!"

I grinned and nodded.

"Off you go, then."

He dived into his stocking before I'd even finished the sentence, digging his hand around until he found a sufficiently big present to start off with. He tugged it out, making the point to feel all over before starting to rip the paper. The plastic casing featured a moving figure dressed in blue quidditch robes, swinging a beater's bat in one hand and beaming out at Joseph, waving every now and again.

"It's Marling!" Joseph screeched, pulling the box up close to his eyes. "He's even got the special broom! Look, mummy!"

He pushed the figurine towards me, gesturing frantically at the customised Nimbus the Puddlemere beater was famous for. He pulled it back, staring again for several long seconds before placing it carefully to one side and reaching into his stocking again.

"Ah, wait Joseph – Emily opens something next."

Joseph opened his mouth to protest, noticed Santana's stern expression, and snapped it shut again with a humph. Emily was stiff, her eyes flicking between Joseph and Santana, and I smiled reassuringly at her.

"Go on, it's your turn," I prompted.

She nodded, reaching for the present resting right at the top of her stocking and pulling it into her lap. She paused, a smile flickering at her lips as she felt down one side, obviously recognising the feel of a book. Unwrapping it, her expression lit up even more at the sight of the familiar cover of The Tales of Beedle the Bard. It was thicker than usual, because alongside the stories were plentiful watercolour pictures. Santana had spotted it in Diagon Alley a few weeks ago and bought it straight away. Emily already knew every story by heart, but her old copy had got lost sometime over the last year, and she'd been devastated when she realised. Of course this could never replace the version passed down to her in her parents' will, but hopefully it would make up for it a little. And since she was already absorbed in it, it seemed to have gone down fairly well.

Joseph was twitching where he sat, doing his best to be patient but one hand already reached out and touching the present he had obviously decided to open next. Sometimes he reminded me so much of Santana it was hard to believe they weren't biologically related. Santana rolled her eyes and nodded at him and he pulled the present quickly into his lap, not pausing to feel this time before ripping it open to reveal a Zonko's toy sneakoscope.

The unwrapping moved along at a rapid pace, especially once Joseph got used to the idea of not being the only one opening presents. Soon, two hefty piles of quidditch paraphernalia, books, chocolate frogs and a pair of new winter cloaks were heaped up on the floor on each side of the bed. Joseph was sat in the middle of his, attempting to persuade his plastic quidditch player to fly in a straight line, while Emily was laid out across the end of the bed, already one chapter into the book on famous squibs. I smiled over at Santana, taking her hand and squeezing lightly. So far, despite a few minor hiccups, Christmas with the four of us was going very well. I just had to trust that the rest of the day would go so well.

"Okay kids, we can't stay in bed all day. Up you get, go get dressed, we can't be late for lunch!" Santana announced.

Joseph let out a quiet groan at the reminder, his figurine dropping to the floor.

"Can't we have Christmas dinner here?" he murmured, his shoulders drooping.

"No, we're going round to see abuelo and abuela like we always do," I told him. Silently I sympathised with him – I would much rather we didn't have to go see Santana's parents as well – but admitting that would just give him fuel to argue. And this Christmas dinner was going to be hard enough to get through already without making it worse.

Joseph nodded mournfully, picking up as many of his presents as he could to carry back into his room. Santana slipped out of bed to pick up the rest, and I did the same to help Emily. She was struggling to balance a stack of books under her chin, and I reached out to grab some before they could topple over, following her across the landing to her room. We'd decorated it red and gold at her request – her parents had both been in Gryffindor, and much to Joseph's disgust she also supported the Wigtown Wanderers, which sported the same colours. A smile played on my lips at the memory of her discovering we were friends with Mike, the Wigtown seeker, when he had knocked on our door just a few days after she'd properly moved in with us.

Settling the rest of her presents down next to the neat pile she was forming at the end of her bed, I knelt down next to her to help. I spoke up quietly as I did so, not wanting Joseph to hear.

"We won't be staying too long," I told her. "Just for Christmas dinner, and maybe an hour after – then we'll be back."

She shrugged, seemingly absorbed in stacking her books, but the smile had disappeared from her face.

"It's okay. We can stay as long as you like."

I held in a sigh, wishing once again that Santana's father had not been quite so obvious in his dislike of Emily. Her mum had actually been nicer than I'd expected – but I was still dreading what he might say, despite Santana's mum reassuring us she'd warned him numerous times and he'd be fine.

"Just say if you want to leave, okay?"

Emily shrugged again, turning to face me properly.

"They're her parents. It's Christmas."

I nodded in understanding, squeezing her hand lightly and standing to call across to where I could hear Joseph's sneakoscope whistling loudly.

"Joseph stop playing with your toys and get ready, we're leaving in half an hour!"

* * *

><p>"Santana, feliz navidad!"<p>

Her mother bustled over with as much enthusiasm as I had ever seen in her, even going so far as to hug her and ask several hurried questions in Spanish. It took her a few moments to register anyone else's presence, but when she did she give me a thin-lipped smile and nod, then did the same to our children. Joseph smiled earnestly up at her, and her smile widened a little. Despite everything, Joseph still wanted to please her – and yet she could never quite forget that I had been the one to give birth to him, and not Santana. She had said several times that he was a clever little boy, and would oblige him with the occasional gift – but she had never referred to him as her grandson. Some affection was there, more than for any other child she might bump into, but even though Joseph was young he could still tell it was not the same as how my parents doted on him. Emily remained glued to my side, the same polite smile painted on her face as I had seen the first time I had met her, in my office at the Ministry.

"Did Papá Noel get you anything exciting?" she asked, a degree of interest showing in her expression as she focused on Emily and Joseph.

Joseph nodded immediately, relaxing a little as the conversation turned to something easier for him to get excited about.

"Yeah! A Robbie Marling toy and lots of Zonko's and some really really cool socks!"

Santana's mother lifted one eyebrow as she gestured us through the hallway towards the dining hall. As we passed the kitchen I could hear an army of house elves bustling around, calling to each other with squeaky, tense voices.

"Socks?"

I stopped suddenly when Joseph halted right in front of me, lifting one leg and pulling up his trousers to reveal blue socks. Several tiny gold snitches flew around his ankles.

"See? They're amazing!"

Santana's mum nodded with another smile but didn't say any more on the matter as we entered the dining hall. I tensed a little as I saw Dr Lopez already sat at the head of the table, reading a letter. He rose when he noticed us, giving Santana a genuine smile and sending a grimace in my direction. He barely even glanced at Joseph and Emily.

"Feliz navidad. ¿Cómo estás?"

"Muy bien. How are you?" Santana responded. I was grateful to her for switching back to English – for Emily's sake as well as mine – but her father obviously didn't agree.

"Bien, bien."

"¡Estoy bien tambien!" Joseph piped up quickly, the hope on his face showing through plainly. His Spanish wasn't perfect by any measure, but he tried. Dr Lopez acted like he hadn't even heard him, keeping his attention on Santana and saying something else in Spanish that I couldn't understand. Emily was hanging back again, and Joseph turned to look back at me in uncertainty. I gestured both of them into seats on either side of me. Santana glanced over looking regretful, as she replied in English once again.

"No, Papá, they are not putting me in dangerous situations. They know I have children; they've placed me on the non-hazardous missions list. I told you that before."

Dr Lopez grunted, settling back down in his chair. Santana sat opposite us, leaving the space between them for her mother to occupy. A house elf bustled in a second after we were all seated and started offering drinks around.

"So Brittany, how is your job going? I hear you've just recruited some new staff?" Santana's mum asked politely. Dr Lopez settled back in his chair, but otherwise didn't comment.

"It's really good!" I replied, my enthusiasm slightly forced and a little surprised that she was asking me. She wasn't exactly the biggest fan of the Muggle Liaison Office – in fact she'd attempted to cut its funding just last year. "The interns are doing great, and the work experience programme I'm setting up for Hogwarts students is almost ready – we'll be starting applications soon."

"Yes, I suppose it is good for the pupils to see all areas of the Ministry," she said with a nod of her own. I ignored any negative implications that were probably buried in that sentence about my department, and smiled across at Santana instead. She was practically beaming thanks to the brief but civil conversation I'd had with her mother.

"'Scuse me, are there any carrots?" Joseph asked a house elf as it topped up his glass with orange juice. The elf's eyes bugged out and its mouth dropped open a bit as it glanced across the table at another house elf. I bit my lip to stop myself smiling too much as the other house elf shrugged, looking just as mystified by the little wizard who was actually talking to house elves – and not just demanding something. I'd never liked how the Lopezes treated their house elves. At least we'd brought up our son well enough to use manners, even when talking to elves.

"Uh… yes sir. Would sir like some now?"

Joseph giggled. "I'm not a sir!"

The house elf blinked again. "Would… Master Lopez-Pierce like some carrots now?"

That made Dr Lopez's head jerk up, and the house elf cowered under his glare.

"Sorry sir, carrots aren't ready," he squeaked, placing the topped up glass of juice back on the table then hurrying out of the room. Joseph stared after him, mystified, then turned to fix his own glare at Dr Lopez.

"I like not-cooked carrots!"

"There'll be plenty of food soon, Joey," Santana said from across the table, a strained smile on her face as she tried to divert the conversation away from a potential argument. Joseph was pouting like he did when he thought we were being unfair to Daisy by not letting her stay in his bedroom at night, or not feeding her enough. He'd taken to topping up her food bowl, saying she was a growing cat and needed energy, and she'd started to look a lot like Lord Tubbington had before his diet. As adorable as it was that he was feeling defensive about a house elf, that was bound to start up an argument about how he hadn't been raised properly. Although it beat me why Dr Lopez cared about how Joseph was raised when he refused to acknowledge him the rest of the time.

The awkward silence lasted about a minute before a troop of house elves shuffled in, a giant turkey hovering above them and surrounded by other steaming dishes of vegetables and roast potatoes and stuffing. Joseph stopped fidgeting and perked up, and Emily shuffled into a proper sitting position as well from where she'd slid partially down her chair.

"Look at the _carrots_!" Joseph hissed quietly to himself as the house elf from before deposited the giant bowl right in front of him. The house elf pressed his lips together but didn't completely hide his smile as he scurried out again. All the other house elves quickly disappeared as well once the food was arranged flawlessly on the table, except for one who hung back behind the table of drinks, ready to pop out again at the slightest sign that someone might need a refill.

I waited along with Santana – and, fortunately, Joseph and Emily as well – until the enchanted spoons had dished out food onto everyone's plates and Dr Lopez had taken the first bite. It was never good to appear too eager in the Lopez household. I still had strong memories of being told off by Santana's abuela as a child for being greedy, because I had reached for her birthday cake before anyone else. So long ago now – but some things were still the same.

And yet others were different. I was sat across the table from my wife, with our two beautiful children on either side of me. Whatever people might say about it, they were both ours. We were a family.

"Santana, your abuela sends her regards," Dr Lopez said, one hand gesturing to the letter resting on the table next to him.

I did my best to hold in a sigh. _Back to reality._

Santana nodded stiffly, forcing a smile but not replying.

"She says you are more than welcome to join us for our New Year's Eve party."

I winced when the metal of Santana's fork knocked loudly against the side of her plate.

"We've been through this, Papá."

"Not now, Hernando…" Santana's mother murmured, reaching out to press her hand over his. He snatched it away.

"Your protestations are as pointless as ever, Santana," he snapped. "You are not a child anymore. You are a Lopez, and certain things are expected of you."

"My family are Lopezes as well, Papá," Santana replied, her eyes darting across to meet mine, flashing fiercely. I gazed back for a few seconds, then turned my attention to Joseph and Emily. Joseph was stabbing at his carrots, doing his best to ignore the growing tension, while Emily was slouching again, staring up at me anxiously. I gave her a reassuring smile, but my heart pounded against my chest with worry as Santana glared across at her father, daring him to challenge her.

"Don't be difficult. Insisting on bringing Brittany and her son is bad enough, but you think your abuela will accept a _squib_? It's a Ministry party!"

"Hernando!" Santana's mother snapped, a lot more fiercely than before – but the damage was done. I squeezed Emily's hand, which had sneaked into my lap while Santana's father was speaking. I watched Santana anxiously, half-expecting her to blow up like she always used to. She stayed in her seat, but acid dripped from her tongue as she spoke. She was just as angry as I'd expected, but she was doing extremely well at holding it in.

"They are my family. More than _you_ have ever been. I will not come to your party without them just because abuela doesn't like it. We all come, or none of us," she told him coldly, glaring for several seconds before turning back to her plate and taking a bite. Her shining eyes met mine once again, but then softened when her attention shifted over to smile gently at Emily. Her clasp on my hand relaxed a little, and I felt a burst of affection for Santana. She'd come so far. Once upon a time words like that coming from her father would have sent her into a rage – but now she cared more about our children, who'd both got upset the last time that had happened. She just gave him the facts – even if she wasn't very friendly about it – and reassured Emily with a simple smile that we, unlike so many others at the Ministry, were not going to push her aside just because she had no magic.

Dr and Mrs Lopez looked like they were having a war to see who could glare the most. Santana's mum apparently won, because a few seconds later Dr Lopez returned to focusing on his meal. There was a tense silence as everyone did the same – but at least it was better than arguing on Christmas Day. Emily's hand disappeared from my lap and for several minutes there was just the scrape of cutlery against the fine china plates.

"Why's it matter that Emily's a squib?"

I blinked in surprise, turning my head to find Joseph staring down at his plate, a frown on his face.

"It doesn't matter," I told him in a low voice, hoping to prevent any other questions that were likely to start arguments. As proud as I was that he actually thought to question that, I really just wanted us to finish the meal and get out of the Lopez house as soon as possible, to finish our Christmas in easy happiness.

Joseph nodded uncertainly, twirling a carrot round on the end of his fork, then turned to look straight at Santana's dad.

"See Mr Lopez? There's no reason Emily can't come. She'll act way better than Don Puckerman. She's never naughty – not like Don, anyway. So it's okay, we can all come, and you don't have to get mad with mamà."

My eyebrows rose as I processed what Joseph had just said. Not only was he standing up for Emily, which was a shock in itself considering the bubbling resentment ever since we had officially adopted her – but he was also saying it to try and look after Santana. I couldn't prevent a proud smile; but it quickly shifted into worry when I took in the expression on Dr Lopez's face.

"You are a child. You do not understand wizarding etiquette. Having a squib at a wizarding event is offensive to all who realise. And all _will_ realise with how much this girl has been skulking around the Ministry for the past two years."

I was unaware of Santana moving until I felt her behind me, one hand on my shoulder.

"We are leaving, papà. You cannot speak to my family like this and expect me to stay," she hissed, reaching for Emily's hand. Dr Lopez barely even glanced at her – and neither did the blonde five-year-old sat next to me.

"That's not nice!" Joseph replied louder, sitting up straight in his chair and dropping his fork to the plate with a clang. "No I dunno what eti-cat means, but that's not nice! She isn't offensible! She's my sister!"

"Papà!" Santana snapped again, but he paid no attention to her.

"And your _sister_ should have been sent to the muggle world when she came into Ministry care, not allowed to loiter with wizards!"

Joseph tried to jump off his chair, but he was so small he ended up tumbling off the edge of it. I stood as well, ready to catch him but also to intervene if needed. Santana was right, it was time to leave.

"You're horrible!" Joseph screeched once he'd regained his balance, staring straight into the face of the man who might have been his grandfather. "She never did nothing to you! It's not her fault she can't do magic! You're just… you…" His face was screwed up as he tried to form his words. "You're mean! You're really really mean and it's not _nice_!" He finished his sentence with a stamp of his foot, right before I scooped him up from behind. He struggled, lashing out and managing to kick the corner of Dr Lopez's seat before I pulled him away, starting to shout at him again as I carried him out of the room. Dr Lopez's voice floated after me, criticising me for raising such an out of control child – but Santana's mum spoke next, and despite everything I smiled.

"Actually, I think he rather takes after Santana…"

* * *

><p>"Sorry for ruining Christmas, mamà…"<p>

Santana smiled fondly down at Joseph, who stood forlornly in front of her with his head bowed.

"You didn't ruin Christmas, Joey. You're right. Abuelo isn't very nice. And you stood up for your sister. I'm proud of you."

She kissed the top of his head, and Joseph beamed in response. He leaned up to kiss her cheek.

"Happy Christmas mamà. Happy Christmas mummy," he added, turning to me. I smiled back at him, then nodded at Emily who was sat by my feet, reading one of her books. Joseph hesitated, then sank to his knees and wrapped his arms tight around her. Emily dropped her book in surprise at the sudden display of affection, then tentatively hugged him back. "I'm sorry abuelo was mean to you, Emily. He's stupid."

"It's okay, Joseph. There's lots of stupid people at the Ministry."

It hurt that she was so aware of how they viewed her – but how could she not be, when I'd had to fight to stop her being sent to a muggle foster home barely a few days after her parents died; and then there had only been suspicions that she was a squib. She was safe with us now, though. As safe as she would ever be.

"You're a nice sister," Joseph mumbled. "But you're still stupid for not supporting Puddlmere," he added, poking her arm. She giggled and poked him back.

"Never. Wigtown Wanderers beat Puddlemere any day."

"No!" He shook his head adamantly, scrambling off her to grab his action figure and pushing it towards her so it started flying around her head. "Marling's the best beater _ever_! He's gonna knock all the Wigtowns off their brooms!"

She laughed again, batting the toy away so it landed next to Daisy. The cat growled, stretching in protest, and it fell off the sofa into Joseph's outreached hand.

"Marling swerves away from the giant cat, _zooming_ through the air to send a bludger right through the goal hoops, 'cause he's so great a player he could be a chaser too!"

Joseph ran off down the opposite end of the room, throwing up the toy every now and then to let it fly on its own before catching hold of it to make it change direction.

"No, look, the Wigtown keeper flies in and saves it!" Emily called, grabbing the Wigtown teddy she had – to our shock – been given by Santana's mum before we left, and hurrying over to move in front of Joseph.

"Yeah, well, Marling's gonna go knock the Wigtown keeper out the stadium!" Joseph shouted back, darting around her and running out of the room.

"It's gonna be too late, Chang's closing in on the snitch!"

Barely a minute later, the sound of running feet had moved to Joseph's bedroom right above our heads, accompanied by a muffled crash that was probably Joseph's crate of various quidditch toys being emptied onto the floor.

The sofa next to me sank down and I turned to smile at Santana, slipping my hand into hers and leaning in to kiss her softly. I felt some tension still in her and lifted an eyebrow, silently asking.

She sighed, turning to stare over at our Christmas tree. "We shouldn't have gone to my parents'. It upset Emily."

"I think Joseph was more upset than Emily," I pointed out. Throughout the entire meal, Emily had remained the calmest out of everyone. She really was used to it. "Your mum's right though. He does take after his mamà. _I _remember a girl who had a screaming match with her dad because he said something bad about her best friend having a muggle dad, even though the girl's best friend didn't care."

"Really shouldn't be proud of him for throwing a tantrum…" Santana murmured under her breath, and I laughed.

"Probably not. But he did throw it well."

"True. And we can't fault his target."

"Shall we let it go this once?"

"I think so," Santana agreed with a smirk. There was silence for a few moments, broken only by the sounds of Joseph belting out a Puddlemere anthem and Emily's failing attempts to interrupt. "Do you think Emily is gonna be okay?"

I paused, then nodded. "She'll be fine. She's a fighter. She's like you as well," I commented.

"You too," Santana replied, squeezing my hand. "You fought for us."

"We both fought for us. And we won."

I twisted our conjoined hands so that my wedding ring flashed in the light. The reminder of that wonderful day seven years ago made me brave enough to bring up a subject I had been wanting to talk about for a little while now.

"I… think I want to change jobs."

Santana looked surprised, but didn't say anything. She just waited for me to explain.

"No one respects the Muggle Liaison Office. Which I never minded – but it hasn't changed. It's got worse. They tried to push Emily at us even though she's not a muggle, because none of them wanted to deal with her. And it's never going to change, as long as people view muggles like that."

"I know, Britt, they're idiots. But I don't know how we can change their minds. Some people just refuse to listen."

"I know I can't make it better. But… I think I can help stop it getting any worse. Holly – you know, Professor Holliday – sent me a letter a few weeks ago. She's retiring. Well, kind of. She's going to live as a muggle somewhere in America. Something about new experiences. And singing. She didn't make much sense."

Santana nodded, looking understanding even though I was pretty sure I wasn't explaining this well. I took a deep breath and tried again.

"Anyway. In the letter. She asked me to apply as the next Muggle Studies professor. She thinks I'd be good at it."

Santana's eyes widened. "Brittany, that's great! Why didn't you tell me before?"

"…You think I should?"

"Of course! I mean, if you want to. It's your choice. But that's an amazing opportunity – and she's right, you'd be brilliant! You got me through my OWL _and _NEWT."

"You think I'm good enough? To be a _teacher_?"

The possibility that I might actually be good enough for this bubbled up into hope I'd been suppressing ever since getting the letter. I'd never been a very good student at Hogwarts. I was good at Muggle Studies – but was that enough? Didn't you have to be smart to be a teacher?

"Of _course_ you're good enough, Brittany. You know so much about muggles – and you can explain it. I could never have explained to Joey how a TV works like you did that time. You should apply. You want to, don't you?"

I nodded. How could I not want to? Hogwarts had been my home for so many years – and my job at the Ministry got less enjoyable every day. It had been wonderful at first and I was so glad I'd worked there, but I didn't want to anymore. Looking out for Emily for the past two years as they tried to get her out of the wizarding world had disillusioned me from the Ministry.

"Then do it. Write to Professor Holliday and tell her you're applying. Professor Figgins might remember you too, if he's still there."

Santana our hands to her lips and kissed my knuckles.

"You should do what makes you happy. I'll help you. Always."

She rearranged our hands so that it was just our little fingers linked together. I couldn't remember the last time we'd done that. It brought back a rush of memories from Hogwarts; memories of classes and detentions, the prefects' bathroom, and of course _our_ room. That was all out of my reach now even if I did go back – except perhaps the Room of Requirement. But I still remembered all the reading I had done when I was trying to find it nineteen years ago for Santana. The Room of Requirement only appeared to those who had real need of it. We had needed it when we were at Hogwarts. To comfort each other. To be with each other. To begin the foundations of what we were today. But those foundations were all poured now; we were together, we had a family. We didn't need a room to hide in anymore.

I wanted to see it again, of course. But I didn't need it. And I had a feeling that if I did return to Hogwarts, however many times I walked down that corridor trying to think our room into existence, it would never appear for me again.

* * *

><p><strong>And there it is, the real end. Something a bit more concrete than just my PMs saying what happens to them. As well as this epilogue I've gone through and edited, and also created a PDF of the whole story which can be found here: <strong>

**laurasfantasia. com  
>bumpy-ride-pdf**

**Thank you once again for reading :)**


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